The Truth Hurts - Tumblr Posts
FACTS right here. So much truth. 😂🙈
How Things are Made 🎨
girl who only feels validated by flirting and sexual attraction: wanna see my tits?
Day 32 of this battle: She said she's in pain.
Now, as much as i want to not be worried i think i'll never be at ease again.
Today, nakausap ko ang Umpe ulit. I was expecting na she'll be happier or better now that mommy is with her. but you know what's the first thing she said to me?...
She said, "Masakit ang tiyan ko", in her pinakamahinang voice.
Right after hearing that sentence, para akong mas naliwanagan. Kahit nga siguro anung deny ko na wala syang sakit... i can never ran away from it. after those words, it finally hit me. i am not dreaming. totoo talaga ang nangyayari. and it breaks my heart kasi hindi ko kayang i-accept ang lahat ng ito. mas mabuti pa siguro kung ako na lang ung may sakit. mas mabuti pa siguro na panaginip lang ang lahat.
it hurts na wala akong magawa to ease those pain she's having. i can't even tell her na nandito lang ako para sa kanya. natatakot kasi ako na baka makita niya akong umiiyak and i don't want that to happen. i want her to see me as the strong kid na pinalaki niya. and baka mas lalo syang mahirapan pag nalaman nya na i am hurting too.
natatakot ako. sobra! i am not sure whether makakasurvive pa ako sa pwede pang mangayrai sa future. lalo na ngayon after she asked me again if uuwi ako.
i remember her asking, "kelan ka uuwi?".
truth is, gusto ko sanang sabihin na ngayon din kung gusto mo. but nope, i didn't dare to say it. sabi ko na lang kapag may pamasahe na ako tska ako uuwi. alam mo ba kung gaano kasakit sa akin un para sa bihin sa Umpe na di ako sure kung kelan ako uuwi?? i feel so worthless and walang utang na loob. ang kapal na talaga ng mukha ko to let her suffer alone in her battle. i feel guilty lalo na kasi she gave everything to me. higit pa sa mga kailangan ko. and now i can't do anything for her...
sana lang things are not like how they are right now. sana lang i made better decisions before. sana lang i stayed with her. kung siguro nangyari yun, i won't be having these regrets. i won't be blaming myself for everything. i won't be guilty for being ungrateful and useless. i'll be happy spending time with Umpe. maybe i'll be able to give back to her and shower her with my love, respect, and care. sana lang i can have another chance to those things with her...
Umpe, i am really sorry. sorry na wala ako sa tabi mo ngayon. sorry na hindi kita nadadamayan. sorry na wala akong magawa for you. sorry, sorry, sorry. i am really sorry. sana mapatawad mo pa ako, ang walang utang na loob mong apo. sana you still love me and will accept me after ng lahat ng pagkukulang ko sayo. sorry kasi napakaselfish ko. sorry na weak ako. sorry, umpe.
Isa lang pinagdadasal ko. Sana gumaling ka na. Sana maging healthy ka na ulit para matupad ko lahat ng sinulat ko sa letter ko para sayo. Sana i'll have a chance to make you happy. Sana you'll allow me to do this for you. Please, wag kang susuko. Antayin mo akong bumalik diyan and so we can make more memories together. Be strong, Umpe! Kaya mo yan! Mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita. Always and forever.
me @ 3 am: alright time to get some nice sleep
my brain @ 3 am: YA GOTTA DRRRAAAAWwwWW sOMEthin!!
