What Do You Do When You Feel Yourself Lose The Confidence You Once Used To Have?

What do you do when you feel yourself lose the confidence you once used to have?

How do you get yourself back?

I lay awake at nights these days, asking myself over and over again,

"where did she go?"

I'm constantly torn between the unconditional responsibility of taking care, and the insatiable desire to be taken care of.

Which I personally think is a confusing space to be in.

I don't want for your name to bleed in my mouth.

when naomi shihab nye wrote, “if you tuck the name of a loved one / under your tongue too long / without speaking it / it becomes blood,” v. when sylvia plath wrote, “in this light the blood is black. tell me my name.” 

I would like to introduce this new piece in my "this lecture couldn't be more drab" series, which I have just spawned into existence, I call it "girl with NO earrings, or even a clearly defined shape whatsoever".

I hope you like it

Fuyugare no

Nobe to waga mi wo

Omoiseba

Moede mo haru wo

Matashimono wo

- Ise

If I consider my body like the fields withered by winter, can I hope, though I am burnt, that spring will come again?

KOKINSHUU (collection of ancient and modern poems)

I'm sick today, my body feels weak, and my fear, my insecurities, my tendency to fall back into despair, to give up on myself grows stronger.

When my body feels weak, the darkness in my mind grows stronger.

"Why hold on, when you could just let go"

I don't hear myself sing today.