Turtle Texts - Tumblr Posts

RAPH:

Y/N: OMG, seriously? Raph does your mind ever leave the gutter?

DONNIE: Technically, no. Figuratively? Also no.

Y/N: good grief

MIKEY: Dudes, your gonna get us in trouble again. I can't take another 12 hours in the hashi on an empty stomach.

Y/N: 12hrs?!

RAPH: Yeah, tattle-tell Leo told Master Splinter that we weren't treatin' ya "like a lady" and it cost us our game night out wit' Casey.

Y/N: oh, I'm sorry, that makes me sad. 😓😢

LEO: Thanks. Raph. Now, she's sad.

LEO: Y/N, I'm on my way baby to lend you my broad shoulders. *see ya later guys*

DONNIE: 🫨😲😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

MIKEY: ohhhhhh dannggggggg

RAPH: that son-of-a..

>>>Y/N closes IMs<<

RAPH: Hey, Y/N, why are you already posting online about your Halloween costume?

Y/N: Huh?

RAPH:

Y/N: RAPHAEL!

DONNIE: Raph, the slow rate at which you learn lessons astounds me.

MIKEY: I hear running.

DONNIE: what was that crash?

MIKEY: coffee table

DONNIE: And that one?

MIKEY: OH man! Not the TV! What did I do?

MIKEY: Don help! TV DOWN. I REPEAT TV DOWN!

Y/N: what's going?

DONNIE: *sigh* Leo and Raph are fighting, again. Mikey, I'm coming. I'll get my toolbox.

Y/N: Guys is everything OK?

Y/N: Guys?

[24hrs later]

***audio file received***

<Splinter's voice> "Is this thing worki-"

***audio file received***

<Splinter's voice> "helloooooo"

<Donnie's voice in background> "Dad, it's not a phone ca-"

***audio file received***

-blip-

***audio file received***

<Donnie's voice in background> "Dad, hold the but-"

***audio file received***

<Donnie's voice in background> "Yes, hold the button the whole time as you speak."

<Master Splinter's voice> "Hello, Y-"

***audio file received***

<Donnie's voice in the background> *I'll just hold it for you, Dad, go ahead and talk."

<Splinter's voice> "Hello, Y/N, this is Master Splinter. I would like apologize for raising such disrespectful sons. Also my son, Raphael, has something he wishes to say to you. Raphael."

<contrite Raph's voice> "Y/N, I'm sorry dat I was disrespectful. I promise ta be betta' in da future and treat ya like a lady. (Pause) <cocky Raph voice> So, for yer costume are ya going ta paint yer entire body green or just the visible parts?"

--THUDDD--

--CRASH--

<Raph's voice far away> "OW, Dad, dat HURT!"

<Donnie's voice> "You were the lab turtle that kept pushing the shocking button for food pellets, weren't you?"

***audio file received***

<Donnie's voice> "*sigh* Y/N, we'll talk again in about another twelve hours"

Raph: Hey, Y/N...

Raph:

Mikey: ah, man, it's on my screen too! Gross.

Donnie: *sigh* 🙄😒

Leo: Raph!

Leo: Apologize.

Leo: NOW!

Y/N: it's okay Leo.

Leo: No, it isn't.

Y/N: It is. He's frustrated and acting out.

Y/N:

Raph: Hey! I get my fair share.

Y/N: uh huh.

Donnie:

Y/N: LMAO 🤣 😂 😆 💀 😅

Mikey: hehehe

Raph: Fuck you D

Donnie: Sorry, but I prefer experienced partners.

Y/N: 🤣🤣🤣🫠..Donnie, you're the best.

Raph: keep it up twig dick and I'll beat yer ass.

Donnie:

Raph: Dat's it!

Y/N: I can't breathe! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Don, everyone is short to you.

Mikey: uh oh!

Mikey: whoa...

Mikey: Don can really run fast.

Leo: Y/N, we'll chat later. I've got to go play referee.

Mikey: Leo. Uh... Hurry. I don't think Donnie is supposed to bend this way.

Y/N: *sigh* TTYL

Mikey:

Y/N:

Raph: whoa, whoa, whoa!

Raph: Da fuck?

Raph: Why does he git da naughty smile and I always git da "Raph, how dare ya"?

Y/N: He's Mikey.

Raph: So?

Y/N: So, he's funny. He pairs his flirtations with humor.

Raph: Dat's bullshit

Donnie: It's all in the approach. Raph, observe

Donnie:

Y/N: lol 😆

Raph: what? He gits a pass too?

Y/N: Don's always entertaining. He uses science and humor. It's an awesome mix.

Raph: whateva

Raph: I call bullshit and favorites.

Donnie: favoritism

Raph: Shut da fuck up

Leo: Raph, watch your mouth. Donnie's right, it's in the approach.

Leo: Y/N, lovely...

Leo:

Y/N: ohhhh. 😘🥰🥰 My arms are ready.

Raph: Leo's Mr.Sensitive. He's perfect. Blah blah blah.

Raph: BULLSHIT

Y/N: Hey, Leo's got some sizzle, he just...presents it a different way.

Leo:

Y/N: 😘😈

Raph: How does he gits to say butt and gits a pass? Ya smack me for talkin about ya butt!

Y/N: Leonardo pairs it with a touch of class.

Raph: I've got class!

Y/N: Raph, you asking to eat Easy Cheese off my ass isn't class.

Y/N: It's gross. On so many levels!

Mikey: Raph 😲😲😵😵😵 it was you who ate all my Easy Cheese! I knew it!

Mikey: that was my can of Easy Cheese! AKA my Easy Sex!

Raph: Chill out. It was only half a can and ya neva have sex wit anyone but-cha self.

Mikey: So.

Raph: So, why would-ya need the Easy Cheese for solo sex?

Mikey: it...has a nice texture.

Donnie: Wait. 😵‍💫 You ate Mikey's half used can of "Easy sex"?

Y/N: ugh!

Leo: I'm going to be sick.

Raph: 🤢🤢🤢🤮

Donnie: life lesson, never eat anything you find in Mikey's room.

Y/N: This is Raph and Mikey

Leo: lol

Donnie: accurate

Mikey: When can I pick up the money? 💰💰💰

Raph: Da Fuck?

Raph: why ya throwing me under da bus? Why ain't dat Leo or Don?

Y/N: Leo? Really? You want to go there?

Raph: fine. Ya right, Mista Stick in da mud wouldn't go. But, come on, it could be Don.

Y/N: Donnie wouldn't need to borrow money from me. His tech skills can get him any funds he needs.

Donnie: again, accurate.

Mikey: Hey, Don, can I borrow some money 💰 🤑?

Leo: Mikey, you're not going to a strip club.

Mikey: aw, come on Leo, why not?

Leo: *sigh* Y/N, see what you started?

Y/N: sorry Leonardo 😞

Raph:

Y/N: Raph, that's the 100th time you've sent me that meme and, for the 100th time, I completely agree but I'm not having sex with you.

Raph: why not?

Y/N: you and I wouldn't match well in bed.

Raph: you have a hole dat needs fillin and I'm a hole fillin machine.

Donnie: Wait, Wait, wait.....

Donnie: okay, I've got my popcorn 🍿, proceed.

Mikey: uh...I just heard a cuss word from the meditation corner.

Donnie: Sh, Mikey, this is my favorite part.

Y/N: Raph, you're hot, I'll admit that but...

Raph: no buts...unless you're offering me yers 😈😈😈

Y/N: Raph. Big boy, it's just not going to happen.

Y/N: I need a connection, to feel safe. To reach my highest peaks, I need someone safe that I can count on in the free-fall.

Raph: I'm safe!

Y/N: 🫤

Raph: I am!

Donnie: just last week I had to fish ball bearings out of your nostrils because some fitness guru online convinced you that you could "pump up your nostril muscles by breathing the heavy balls in and out", yeah you are real safe.

Mikey: hehehe heavy balls

Raph: D, stay outta dis

Donnie: then don't put it in the group chat, genius.

Raph: Y/N, ignore his scrawny ass, so we doin it or what?

Y/N: no Raph. 😒

Raph: you know you want dis. All dis hot, hard, turtle drillin ya into da bed.

Mikey: code violent blue, repeat, VIOLENT BLUE

Y/N: Mikey, I think you mean violet blue

Donnie: no. He's gotta it right.

Y/N: ?

Donnie: it the code we've given for when Leo marches through the lair towards Raph's room with a murderous look in his eyes.

Donnie: I hear the action starting without me. Can't let my popcorn go to waste, got to watch the show. TTYL.

Y/N: *sigh* smh.

RAPH: just play wit it

Y/N: RAPHAEL!!!!

MIKEY: hehehe

LEO: Raph!

RAPH: what?

DONNIE: TBF, he's not wrong.

RAPH: see!

LEO: Donnie that's not the point, Raph knows the rules and he needs to apologize.

MIKEY: I do that to mine all the time.

LEO: not now Mikey!

RAPH: I ain't apologizing fer shit, it's true.

<<<<THUD>>>>

LEO: What was that?

LEO: Raph?

RAPH: What? WHY is gotta be me? Ya need to ask our resident mad scientist.

DONNIE: It wasn't me. I'm safely tucked in bed, sexting with Y/N.

DONNIE: 🍆

LEO: 🤨

RAPH: 🤢🤮

MIKEY: It was my pants 👖 hitting the floor

LEO: That sounded a little loud for just pants.

MIKEY: I was in them.

RAPH: 🤣🤣🤣

LEO: 😒😶

DONNIE: [explicit turtle penis picture]

DONNIE: Oops, wrong thread 😳

LEO: 🤢🫣

RAPH: aw, fuck. Thanks dumbass I wuz eatin' 🤮🤮🤮

MIKEY: D must have dropped his pants too.