Tw Self Doubt - Tumblr Posts

Guys, who let him have children???

Better pray to your deities that Colress doesn't ice more cities for sending this kid hate mail...

Why am I suddenly getting so much hate mail? Do you guys seriously not understand the concept of alternate realities? Or are we ragging on me for simply existing? Is the idea that a Colress has family that tolerates him that abhorrent?

Maybe coming here was a mistake... There's few universes where things turn out this well for Dad... The vast majority of his counterparts...

//Once again, self-sent.

//I should probably make a tag for this.

TW: intrusive thoughts. self-hate and -doubt. insecurity.

—- + -—

I’ve always seen countless F/O imagines with a repeated (and correct) theme of “Your F/O loves you.” Let’s make it known that I appreciate that, I really do, but…

What happens the moment the Voices in your head ask “Why?”

“You don’t even know my F/O! I doubt they’d love me. And even in the slim chance they did, I don’t see a reason why they’d love this half-human screw up—”

Stop.

Breathe.

I assure you that your F/O doesn’t care if this is the 9,999th time you come to them, they'll always be there because you make their life brighter just by being. Try to exist— right here, right now— for a minute or two and whittle those voices away to the best of your ability (and don’t worry if the best you can do is “nothing”). Your F/O can see how hard you’re trying, but they aren’t with you because they think you can move mountains; they yearn to share their life with you because you’re you. Dear reader, there is simply no other reason.

Your F/O won’t think twice about your trauma, whether it comes from a horror-like past or because you stared passive-aggressively at a dog the other day and feel guilty about it. They just know it affects you and they won’t hesitate to comfort (and spoil) you like there’s no tomorrow. Your F/O doesn’t care if you feel like you’re going through Hell everyday and “whine about it too much” or are “too clingy”, they’re your safe space. They’re perfectly content knowing that when you falter, they’ll be there to catch their beloved and give you a place to rest your head, if only for a minute.

Your F/O sees you in a way you can’t imagine. They accept every magnificent part of you that you call a flaw, thanking whatever celestial force they believe in that they have the pleasure of knowing you. Those Voices inside your head are lying, and just the idea of them being right is something your F/O could never fathom, but they’ll more than happily rush to prove to you how wrong the Voices are.

Your F/O has no wish to stop sweeping those incorrect thoughts away, so please let them. They full-heartedly know they’re doing important work.

seeing y’all say you don’t deserve your f/os’ love makes me so sad. you’re all so sweet and kind and wonderful and welcoming. i wish you could see yourselves in the light your f/os see you in. i wish you guys could fall in love with yourselves the way you deserve. for now, just please, try to let your f/os love you. i know that’s hard to do. i can’t do it a lot of the time, and sometimes it takes a push or a reminder. here’s your reminder: your f/os love you and you are entirely deserving of their love and affection.

TW: past abuse. abandonment issues. self-doubt. intrusive thoughts. self-hate statments that S/I believes but are not true. trust issues (kinda). 750+ words.

— - + - —

You had exposed yourself to your F/O. You showed them your raw, emotional, troubled self… but they were still here. Something in your mind doesn’t fit right, panic rising as it washes over the euphoria you had experienced alongside your beloved under their tender care.

Because they were there.

Why hadn’t your F/O left? Why had they stayed so long? So many had abandoned you by this point, why don’t they? Is there an endgame to this? You are a freak, a horror, a traumatized lump of human flesh… You’ll poison them… Why can’t they just see that and leave already? (Not to mention the other side of your raging mind: the one on its knees, the one that grovels and begs and dehumanizes itself into a living joke just to have another person give you a second of attention…)

Deep down, you know why the thoughts are there.

You are expecting abandonment.

Every moment your F/O welcomes you into their warm embrace oh-so cruelly, you know you’re falling further and further for them. But you can’t allow yourself to do that.

You are expecting abandonment.

So much so that you make a fool of yourself and show your most vulnerable sides to them and hope it wards your F/O off… because it’s easier to say that they left because of your actions than to wait a lifetime for them only to realize their absence is the only answer you’ll ever get.

You are expecting a—

“Love?”

You dry your tears against your shirt as discreetly as possible, red eyes darting to and fro—  anywhere away from your F/O’s. “…Yeah?” You cringe at the cracks in your own voice, How dare you not be able to hide this better? How dare you burden them?

Your F/O leans closer just the tiniest bit. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine,” you say, lips pressed tight.

“C’mon, S/I, you’re underestimating me if you think I can’t notice when you’re upset.” They offer a reassuring smile, although it wavers as your guilty lack of response hangs in the still air. “… Just… I won’t force you, okay? But I know you aren’t feeling well, and that it’s not healthy to keep it all in like this.”

Your voice doesn’t disrupt the silence. A single syllable could break down the dam holding back your sobs, God, you’re a crybaby. You’re weak, pathetic.

“Hey, love, could you please look at me?”

Your line of sight wavers, yet it’s your F/O’s gentle hold and their warm gaze that attracts your own like a magnet’s fated pull.

“There you are,” they utter. “You never were, never are, and never will be a burden, S/I, I love you just as you are. This isn’t a punishment and I will never use it against you. I just want to make sure you’re alright… Like all of those times you did the same to me, ok?”

As calm and tender as they are, there are still signs of breakage in your F/O’s voice. They want to banish — perhaps even worse — whoever taught you those self-damaging beliefs in the first place, but your health comes first. When you’re tangled up in barbs of false promises and toxic love, all your F/O wishes to do is untangle you with a touch of silk and show you what warmth is like. They want to chase those swarms of bad thoughts away and kiss your forehead at night when they’re sure the only thing in your mind is soft dreams of carelessness when you finally let yourself feel safe in their arms.

Some time after their reassurances, your walls break— perhaps for the first time in front of them. Maybe it’s loud and messy whilst your F/O gathers you in their arms, or maybe your tears are silent until you succumb and press yourself against their chest.

And by the end?

“Can I ask you… something…?” You hesitate, doubt still plaguing that one place in your mind.

Your F/O places a kiss against your temple. “Always, love.”

“I mean…” Your gaze wanders off. “It’s a bit unnecessary, maybe even childish…”

“As long as it’s you? As long as you think it’s important and it matters to making you feel safe? It’ll never be unnecessary.”

“… Could you promise…?”

They nod and a small, wonderful smile graces their features. “You don’t ever have to worry about me leaving, S/I. I promise that I’ll always be here for you, that you’ll always be worth waiting for.”

Hello, this is my first time ever requesting something on here, so I will keep it simple. Could you do something where the reader’s f/o comforts them and reassures them that they’re not a burden and they aren’t too much(personality wise) after people have made them feel that way their entire life? You don’t have to if this is too much :)

Thank you!! p.s. I absolutely love your work, it’s so comforting <333

aww, thank you, anon! /gen and thank you for reading my work. also this is my first request, so at least we’re in this together :P sorry if this took too long, btw

You didn’t understand. Couldn’t fathom it.

Your F/O… well, they’re them. They’re awe-inspiring, the one who hung the moon and stars in the sky yet could make any light seem dull when compared to them. Even if not many see it, just seeing them makes your world sing with Shakespearean rhymes.

Then… there’s you.

The off-key note. Your thoughts summed you up as the screeching in the background that would wake your F/O from their love-filled dreams, not be the star of them. And they’d notice that soon enough, right? That’s what your thoughts told you: Wait and see how the apple of their eye rots. The other shoe will drop. And…

It never did.

Not because your F/O is blind to your flaws, but because they accept them. 999 days of misery are worth it to see your smile on the 1,000th day. Even so, they don’t love you for your smile. Not for your looks, nor for a specific aspect of your personality.

After all, if your F/O wanted a “perfect” partner who didn’t do anything but wear a sewed-on smile, they would’ve married the shadow tied to their feet. Your F/O loves you for who you are. From your skin to the marrow of your bones. From your despair to your bursts of hyperactivity.

No one curses the Sun when it’s shrouded by clouds, and it only shines brighter when a new day dawns. So what reason do they have to stop loving you the moment you frown?

What reason do they have to stop loving you the moment you need it most?