Were Screwed - Tumblr Posts
Lance palmfaced. “Just run, jump and land on all fours. When the rock tomb is done forming, turn around and howl.”
God Lance hoped Keith understood that.
Keith was indifferent to Lance's comment about the ladies, but he sure heard his comment about glitter.
His ears and tail instantly went down. It's like he jinxed it by even thinking about it. Damn glitter!
He just hoped that Lance would stay true to his word about doing a good job on cleaning it all up at the end.
Unspeakable things, he promised. If he could make Lance remember glitter by thinking about it, hopefully he'll remember his threats as well.
Lance place all the glitter gear down on the floor and looked up at Keith framing him with his fingers.
“Now let’s see. Hmmm… I think glitter high lights around your eye would be perfect! And hmm… yeah we should add glitter there, and on the edge of your nose and yeah that would work! Now hold still while I apply it Keith.” He got to work. Holding Keith’s face, he applied the glitter. It took a few minutes and a bit of patience but he managed to get Keith’s face looking all glittery.
“There! What do you think Keith? Did I make you look awsome or what? 😁” 
Yooo guysss
I got the BEST idea for a Biden campaign ad
Okay so, it opens in a picturesque 1950s American town square- the set of Back to the Future.
Biden skates into frame on a skateboard, and looks back behind him to where there is a commotion- Trump is kicking puppies (or babies or something) while his posse looks on and laughs.
Biden beckons to the camera conspiratorially and whispers, “Watch this.”
He slides on his aviator glasses and calls to Trump, “Hey Don! Why don’t you pick on someone your own age?!”
Trump gets red in the face, steam blows out of his ears, and he gets tunnel vision, like a bull. He yells something incoherent and probably unairable at our star, then gets into his big red MAGA pickup truck, decked out in flags, guns, and lewd (and insensitive) bumper stickers. He revs the engine and charges straight at Biden.
They have a quick chase across the town green. They’ve drawn a crowd of cheering onlookers. Soon, Trump has gained on Biden. It looks like it’s the end of the road for Joe. Trump gets ready to ram him.
But at the last possible second, Biden does a backflip handstand and leaps over the truck with the grace of a leopard. Trump and his goons gape as they look back at him…realizing too late that they were heading straight for a manure truck.
BLAM! SPLORCH! An EXPLOSION of shit!
Then Biden walks past the screen, 50s babes in each arm, with Trump spluttering and choking on shit behind him. He tilts his glasses and says, “NObody calls me Chicken.” Then bites into a Chick-fil-A sandwich.
Great googley moogley it’s all going to shit! Every day becomes exponentially more terrifying!
And all perfectly timed to just right at the start of what’s supposed to be my adult life where I get my shit together and be useful and productive!