Sorry For Being Depressing - Tumblr Posts

Normalize lying to your therapist so you won't get admitted to the grippy socks jail.

And just like that, I have wasted another weekend, in my house, scrolling through social media and arguing with dumbasses on tiktok, and not hanging out with my friends or going out.

I fucking hate my life.

bpd traits culture is I love them so much so why do I keep having the strong urge to block them

- 🪨

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Im trying to prove a point to my mum

Repost if school has caused:

Anxiety Depression Suicidal thoughts Social anxiety Eating disorders Self harm Stress

"I wish I had BPD :3" NO YOU FUCKING DON'T...

Just today I lost one of my closest friends because I decided me THREATENING TO KILL MYSELF AND REFUSING TO LISTEN TO ANYONE WHO TRIED TO STOP ME FROM KILLING MYSELF was a good way to handle a mental health crisis I was having. And when I tried to apologize because by the time i wanted to reconnect, i realized I fucked up and needed to apologize, they didn't want to fucking hear it, and now most of the people who saw what happened don't want to talk to me anymore over it.

This shit has happened NUMEROUS times in the past, and shit like this is the sole reason why BPD is even medically recognized as one of the hardest disorders to live with (look it up if you don't believe me).

BUT APPARENTLY PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING UNEDUCATED ABOUT BPD THAT THE MINUTE SOMEONE SHOWS A NOT-SO-PRETTY SYMPTOM OF BPD ALL OF A SUDDEN THE PERSON IN QUESTION IS THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD, IT'S FUCKING AWFUL....

I'm shaking rn as I'm making this post, and I'm still getting myself admitted to the ward because I'm still in a fucking crisis, but I just hate how awfully romanticized bpd is, and I wish there was a cure for it because I hate living like this.

I hate losing the only people that actually give a shit about me, I hate lashing out at and leaving people that clearly don't deserve it, I hate mis-perceiving the tiniest flaws in relationships as threats, I FUCKING HATE IT ALL.

And get this: The whole Pumpkin The Gentleman situation and the Melanie Martinez situation are making this shit worse for me because now I have to deal with people's opposing views being misperceived as a threat and therefore ruining relationships I actually care about.

Basically It's a never-ending cycle of me losing people I care about and dealing with the after effects of that, plus my already existing mental health issues that are fucking me over, and I just want to go into a coma rn and forget about all of this.

none of this is funny, having BPD isn't funny, abandonment issues aren't funny, losing friends isn't funny, fuck y'all, goodnight.

undiagnosed BPD/problematic in recovery culture is knowing you did some really fucked up shit in your life and wanting to address and apologize for all of it, but at the same time never being able to comfortably speak about what you did with anyone because you're worried that the people you care about most are going to leave you and abandon you because of what you did, and while that's happening you're also struggling to remember half of the details because looking back at what you did is so triggering even to yourself and when you try to tell people that they automatically assume you're lying, so in the end you're just left with being forced to stay silent about it and never giving your victims justice despite wanting to.

so yeah, I've decided not to make that apology video in the end because the risks outweigh the benefits and i'd get sent death threats for what happened either way.

I'm sorry.

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Not exactly a "BPD culture is" ask, but more so an open discussion

Does anyone else with BPD sometimes feel like they don't have a grip on their reality? With all of the splitting, having no perception of myself outside of how others see me, and being able to completely flip my opinions on things in an instant, a lot of times I feel like I have no idea what's real or not. What's actually happening or what's just in my mind.

Do any other BPD havers feel like this too?

We can relate to this! 🙋

- iris 🌸

Going from the most happy you've felt in months straight to the worst you've felt in years is going to fucking kill me.

I can't stand this shit anymore. Why can't I have normal feelings? Why do I have to feel the most extreme emotions?

"Why do you vent about your relationship issues so much? Isn't that just selfish??"

I do it because it's been the only thing on my mind for the past several weeks, and I'm tired of pretending like I feel happy about my friendships.

Every time I build a genuine and happy connection to someone, something goes wrong and it always ends up with me no longer being friends with them, either by them cutting me off or me doing it myself to save myself the heartbreak.

At this point, I should cut all of my friends out of my life and die alone, because I know I'm going to lose them too.

It's genuinely so tiring having to think about that all of the time, I mean, I literally landed in the mental hospital after I threatened to kill myself because I felt unloved for Christ sake.

I hate being like this so much. WHY CAN'T I JUST FUCKING HAVE A MEANINGFUL FRIENDSHIP THAT ACTUALLY LASTS???

learned that lesson the hard way.

just a reminder that it is not normal to think of ways to kys whenever an inconvenience occurs

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning” because if it was a good morning I would have bled out last night

what happened to the time? An original poem by me

It feels like a pit

What does you may ask

And I’ll respond nothing

But if you ask again and care to look closer

You may hear a beautiful sound

The sound of a voice rarely heard

So you ask again

And i realize you might actually care

And i spill my heart

The world we live in

The wrath that festers and most importantly

The knowing of a sadness

Far away just out of reach

But right on the cusp

The feeling that one day you will fall one way or another

Off a tightrope

And into the plunging abyss just then able to reach it

The overwhelming sense of sadness only to realize

It was so much more

Oh how it grows and pains in an amazing way

It’s joy and grief

Strength and anxiety

Strife and a feeling of contempt

And you slowly sink into the emotion

Falling falling falling

Until you stop

Looking up you see the expanse of your life

Your desires and repentance and repulsions

Only to be brought back up

Slingshotting back into life

But as you go up

You pass the line

You try grabbing it its the only thing that matters

Then your eyes open

It wasn’t real

You wish you could go back but can’t figure out how

So you turn to hitting

And when that doesn’t work burning helps a little

And then addiction or cutting

And you finally get back it the place

You again fall fall fall

Until you realize everything was in vain

It’s all still out of reach

Just like before

my therapist: I’m not going to tell you to not kill yourself but think of the consequences

me: ummmmm

therapist: you really can think of anything?

me: my siblings win the contest

I’m struggling to not beat up my sister purely because she’s going to make me relapse

what do you mean i will never be seventeen? what do you mean? i can’t have that back? what do you mean? you say I will never be that girl again? I’m still 17, what do you mean? she lives in my parent’s house. i see her ghost. i bring flowers to her grave.

Entering a depressive episode is never fun. You think about the last time this happened, but you’re too tired to remember. You’re too tired to think of any coping mechanism that you or your therapist have ever came up with. And you start to go through the motions of life on autopilot. You don’t realize you’re in this state for weeks, until someone who you care about convinces you to take a break, and you can’t even give them that. So you keep on going until what, color starts to come in again? It’s easier? You think it’s never going to get easier again, and it’s all hopeless.

So you say, “I’ll do it for him” the reason you didn’t realize You were in an episode, because he made you want to do things. And you’ll take a god damn break because missing one day of your life being an anxious pile of goo is what you deserve. You deserve a break.