I Miss Her

I miss her

Yet I don't know what to miss

I can't even recall a time where you smiled at me

Wherein you hugged me

Kissed me, held me

I can't even remember your voice

Tell me how can the death haunt us so miserably?

I didn't evem cry when I heard the news

Yet waterfall amount of tears are always decorating my face

How can I miss you when I don't know you?

When I don't have any personal recollection of you anymore?

I wish I could have said goodbye to you...

I wish that I had given you a picture of me so you would at least know how I look like now

You died having the image of a small child

When she had actually grown up into a woman

Adulthood is so weird

When I was younger I wouldn't think of the costs of health care

And now that I'm actually older and need to pay everything sucks

I want to be loved

No matter how much of an idiot I am

No matter how stubborn I remain to be

I want to be loved so bad

I don't care if it is with words, with actions or even gifts

All I ask is that at the end of the day I can see the love in your eyes when you look at me

Let me be the one your curtains open for

Adulthood is so weird

When I was younger I wouldn't think of the costs of health care

And now that I'm actually older and need to pay everything sucks

I hate myself for laughing at the deceitful mockery of others

It's not that I find it funny

I am disgusted beyond measure

But still I always tend to laugh

I laugh at other the way I experienced it myself

Am I not repeating what others did to me?

Am I not throwing the same knives that have left me scarring?

Or am I imagining my disgust, actually finding the misery of another delightful?

When I was younger, I once asked my parents to go to an indoor waterpark

There were a lot of waves, strong ones

I almost drowned were it not for my brother who guided me through those waves

Recently, I went to the beach with friends

There were a lot of waves, small ones

I enjoyed and rode out every wave I could find, it was fun

Without any experience I would still be scared of high waves

My near death experience got me a happy memory

One I cherish now :)

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