Dealing With Grief - Tumblr Posts
The ambience in the room was about right
There were no tears but grief was all around
The grief for once was not reflected on their faces
Concern, anxiety, anxiousness
The worry was plastered on everyone
They became angry
How could they not do anything in such a situation?
How come this wicked tale fell upon one of their loved ones?
Then came he
He controlled the air around him with a simple frown
When he came he wasn’t frowning he was indifferent
I've always seen him indifferent
As he stood there I saw another side of him
His back was facing me but I knew already what kind of expression he was making
Taking deep breaths, taking long pauses
And sometimes some whimpering
His hands were shaking
In his hand he held a gold jewel
The jewel was frantically shaking
What caught my attention was not the whimpering but the shaking
He was devastated
He was woeful
He was crying
He was crying
The man who had already treaded into a world of misery was crying
It was as if his happy demeanor was but a forlorn husk
Even the strongest of us
Even the weakest of us
At that moment they all unleashed the tears
They all lowered their masks
The ambience in the room was about right
There were no tears but grief was all around
The grief for once was not reflected on their faces
Concern, anxiety, anxiousness
The worry was plastered on everyone
They became angry
How could they not do anything in such a situation?
How come this wicked tale fell upon one of their loved ones?
Then came he
He controlled the air around him with a simple frown
When he came he wasn’t frowning he was indifferent
I've always seen him indifferent
As he stood there I saw another side of him
His back was facing me but I knew already what kind of expression he was making
Taking deep breaths, taking long pauses
And sometimes some whimpering
His hands were shaking
In his hand he held a gold jewel
The jewel was frantically shaking
What caught my attention was not the whimpering but the shaking
He was devastated
He was woeful
He was crying
He was crying
The man who had already treaded into a world of misery was crying
It was as if his happy demeanor was but a forlorn husk
Even the strongest of us
Even the weakest of us
At that moment they all unleashed the tears
They all lowered their masks
The ambience in the room was about right
There were no tears but grief was all around
The grief for once was not reflected on their faces
Concern, anxiety, anxiousness
The worry was plastered on everyone
They became angry
How could they not do anything in such a situation?
How come this wicked tale fell upon one of their loved ones?
Then came he
He controlled the air around him with a simple frown
When he came he wasn’t frowning he was indifferent
I've always seen him indifferent
As he stood there I saw another side of him
His back was facing me but I knew already what kind of expression he was making
Taking deep breaths, taking long pauses
And sometimes some whimpering
His hands were shaking
In his hand he held a gold jewel
The jewel was frantically shaking
What caught my attention was not the whimpering but the shaking
He was devastated
He was woeful
He was crying
He was crying
The man who had already treaded into a world of misery was crying
It was as if his happy demeanor was but a forlorn husk
Even the strongest of us
Even the weakest of us
At that moment they all unleashed the tears
They all lowered their masks
My father has abandonment issues
He avoids being close to others because he hates parting with people he has grown close to
My mother also has abandonment issues
She doesn't try to get close to people because she has anxiety about how others perceive her
She always prepares for the worst, a lot of what if thinking all of the time
Today, I saw both of them cry
Both cried because of a parting
One grieved and the other reminisced
One was smiling at the end and the other lost their smile
One was thankful, the other devastated
Yet both cried
Both were bawling their eyes out
And both tried to hide it from me
One pretended everything was fine and needed a push in order to tell the truth
And the other was thankful for the comfort
You would think my father pushed me away but it was my mother
You would think that my mother was the one who would accept my comfort but it was my father
Everyone griefs in a different way
And everyone's grief can take many forms and shapes
My father had to part with his team he worked years with because of his health
My mother had to part with her friends son who drowned
Different situations, different kinds of grief
Different ways of accepting reality
Different ways of thinking
Yet my parents still remain the same
They both sat in silence with their grief
My father has abandonment issues
He avoids being close to others because he hates parting with people he has grown close to
My mother also has abandonment issues
She doesn't try to get close to people because she has anxiety about how others perceive her
She always prepares for the worst, a lot of what if thinking all of the time
Today, I saw both of them cry
Both cried because of a parting
One grieved and the other reminisced
One was smiling at the end and the other lost their smile
One was thankful, the other devastated
Yet both cried
Both were bawling their eyes out
And both tried to hide it from me
One pretended everything was fine and needed a push in order to tell the truth
And the other was thankful for the comfort
You would think my father pushed me away but it was my mother
You would think that my mother was the one who would accept my comfort but it was my father
Everyone griefs in a different way
And everyone's grief can take many forms and shapes
My father had to part with his team he worked years with because of his health
My mother had to part with her friends son who drowned
Different situations, different kinds of grief
Different ways of accepting reality
Different ways of thinking
Yet my parents still remain the same
They both sat in silence with their grief
My father has abandonment issues
He avoids being close to others because he hates parting with people he has grown close to
My mother also has abandonment issues
She doesn't try to get close to people because she has anxiety about how others perceive her
She always prepares for the worst, a lot of what if thinking all of the time
Today, I saw both of them cry
Both cried because of a parting
One grieved and the other reminisced
One was smiling at the end and the other lost their smile
One was thankful, the other devastated
Yet both cried
Both were bawling their eyes out
And both tried to hide it from me
One pretended everything was fine and needed a push in order to tell the truth
And the other was thankful for the comfort
You would think my father pushed me away but it was my mother
You would think that my mother was the one who would accept my comfort but it was my father
Everyone griefs in a different way
And everyone's grief can take many forms and shapes
My father had to part with his team he worked years with because of his health
My mother had to part with her friends son who drowned
Different situations, different kinds of grief
Different ways of accepting reality
Different ways of thinking
Yet my parents still remain the same
They both sat in silence with their grief
I miss her
Yet I don't know what to miss
I can't even recall a time where you smiled at me
Wherein you hugged me
Kissed me, held me
I can't even remember your voice
Tell me how can the death haunt us so miserably?
I didn't evem cry when I heard the news
Yet waterfall amount of tears are always decorating my face
How can I miss you when I don't know you?
When I don't have any personal recollection of you anymore?
I wish I could have said goodbye to you...
I wish that I had given you a picture of me so you would at least know how I look like now
You died having the image of a small child
When she had actually grown up into a woman
I miss her
Yet I don't know what to miss
I can't even recall a time where you smiled at me
Wherein you hugged me
Kissed me, held me
I can't even remember your voice
Tell me how can the death haunt us so miserably?
I didn't evem cry when I heard the news
Yet waterfall amount of tears are always decorating my face
How can I miss you when I don't know you?
When I don't have any personal recollection of you anymore?
I wish I could have said goodbye to you...
I wish that I had given you a picture of me so you would at least know how I look like now
You died having the image of a small child
When she had actually grown up into a woman
I miss her
Yet I don't know what to miss
I can't even recall a time where you smiled at me
Wherein you hugged me
Kissed me, held me
I can't even remember your voice
Tell me how can the death haunt us so miserably?
I didn't evem cry when I heard the news
Yet waterfall amount of tears are always decorating my face
How can I miss you when I don't know you?
When I don't have any personal recollection of you anymore?
I wish I could have said goodbye to you...
I wish that I had given you a picture of me so you would at least know how I look like now
You died having the image of a small child
When she had actually grown up into a woman
CAUTERIZATION
When life gets hard
I get high
Smoke in my lungs
With tears in my eyes
Clouds of bad habits
Billow up at the sky
Say it’s unhealthy,
You’re probably right
But I couldn’t care,
It’s how I get by
Pain is a drug to me
I lack the ability to react emotionally
Pain is normal,
A common thing
Distorting the lines of reality
And even though I know
It may one day kill me
As lethal as it may be
I don’t ever ask it to leave
Desperation… to feel anything
I would let all the hurt, swallow me
And to explain it; there is no analogy
It’s all in my soul, you see
Nothing I could write,
Nothing you could ever read
Could make another human being
Feel just how it feels,
to feel absolutely nothing
03.17.2024
2:45 A.M.
He’s still in the county jail, they haven’t taken him to prison yet. Said his out date would be some time in 2028. I don’t see how it could be that soon, somebody probably miscalculated & I’m not getting my hopes up. I hope I can change in the years that he isn’t around. I hope I can get my shit together. I think I will. I know I will. I’ll be 28 next month. I wanna be happy again.
Navigating Grief: A Guide to Finding Light in the Darkness
Shaina Tranquilino February 28, 2024
Grief is a universal human experience, yet it's an intensely personal journey that can leave us feeling isolated and overwhelmed. The weight of loss can be especially challenging when we feel alone and hopeless. In this blog post, we will explore strategies to navigate through grief, offering a guiding light in those dark moments when it seems like the pain will never end. Acknowledge Your Feelings:
The first step in moving through grief is to acknowledge and accept your emotions. It's okay to feel a range of emotions, from anger and sadness to confusion and despair. Allow yourself the space to grieve without judgment, understanding that everyone copes differently. Seek Support:
Even when it feels like you're navigating grief alone, it's crucial to reach out for support. Share your feelings with friends, family, or a mental health professional who can provide a listening ear and guidance. Joining support groups, either in-person or online, can connect you with others who are going through similar experiences, fostering a sense of understanding and solidarity. Establish Rituals:
Creating rituals can provide structure and comfort during times of grief. These rituals could be as simple as lighting a candle, writing in a journal, or visiting a special place that holds memories. Establishing a routine can help ground you, providing a sense of stability in the midst of emotional turmoil. Practice Self-Compassion:
Grieving is a process that takes time, and it's crucial to be patient with yourself. Allow room for self-compassion, recognizing that healing is not linear. There will be good days and bad days, and that's perfectly normal. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend in a similar situation. Express Your Emotions Creatively:
Art, writing, music, and other creative outlets can be powerful tools for expressing and processing grief. Allow yourself the freedom to explore these mediums, as they can provide a therapeutic release for your emotions. Whether it's through painting, writing poetry, or playing music, creative expression can be a cathartic way to navigate the complexities of grief. Establish Healthy Coping Mechanisms:
While it's tempting to numb the pain with unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as excessive drinking, numbing yourself with drugs, or isolating yourself, it's essential to focus on healthy alternatives. Exercise, meditation, and mindfulness practices can contribute to a positive mindset and help alleviate the physical and emotional toll of grief. Set Realistic Expectations:
Grieving is not a linear process, and there is no set timeline for healing. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and understanding that recovery takes time can alleviate the pressure to "get over it" quickly. Be gentle with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way.
Moving through grief is undoubtedly a challenging journey, especially when faced with feelings of isolation and hopelessness. By acknowledging your emotions, seeking support, establishing rituals, practicing self-compassion, expressing emotions creatively, and adopting healthy coping mechanisms, you can find the strength to navigate through the darkness. Remember, you are not alone, and with time and support, the clouds will eventually part, revealing a brighter future.
that small laugh of grief was always the one to shatter me
!TW: death!
.
.
For many people the holidays are a horrible time. Up until this year i thought i got lucky because while Christmas was never something i looked forward to, it also wasn’t something i was dreading. However cruel things happen when you expect them the least. And so now i am laying in my bed grieving a person that was alive two days ago. there is something so sinister and cruel about loosing someone while the world around you is celebrating, wishing you a merry Christmas and a good start into the next year. It still dosen’t feel real and i think it wont until the day i return to the motherland and see the grave. Death is always unforgiving and painful but i don’t think i will ever be able to see Christmas the same way. Because while the people around me are celebrating i will always see it as the day i lost her. The day i woke up with her being gone. The day i woke up from my mothers screams and cries for her. I knew it would happen someday soon, of course i did. After all she had cancer and was 74. i had hoped to see her one last time. Hear her voice one last time. See her smile one last time but life is unfair and so i lay here, questioning what could’ve been.
Writing has always been my way of coping with trauma. Sharing my grief is my way of understanding what is going on in my heart and not feeling alone.
yes, it’s nearly winter.
that means it’s nearly time to miss you.
grief will never be linear. even after years, and years, and years.
not that anything was ever meant to be. but no one can help but grieve the possibility. that no one is me.
and when i struggle, or question directions, i will always wonder what could’ve been.
the song pours out, challenged by the routes.
then there is the comfort, yet i cry, knowing i will meet you on the other side.
keep me on that path. even if it isn’t linear. keep me on the path to you, through the cold and dark winter.
They would have been eighteen today.
artist statement for photos not yet developed:
its cliche to run around taking pics of gravestones. yet i do it anyway. i take pictures of the same things over and over again.
exit signs.
yearning for loved ones.
the balance between processing emotions, grief, and running the other way. grief.
bring your loved ones closer, steal flowers from the neighbor’s, write their name in the prayer book of a god you don’t believe in. because its comforting to think you can help from where you are.
give grandma the memorial bench. its the thought that someone cared enough to, not the money and lavish treatment received. i miss her.
i miss people i never met. yet i feel my mother and father’s grief, i feel the holes in their heart, the weight of my mother’s sobs on the staircase, the night my grandfather passed.
i miss my grandma.
she’d be so proud. i’ll bring her a book. i know she loves me, she’s probably praying for me and doesn’t approve of who i really am.
but her love was infectious. it was strong. she was so proud of everything i did. i wish i had more time. i took her for granted. i still wish i could surprise her with flowers. go out for dinner with her. read her texts.
my heart starts to hurt. exit.
I've gotten so used to seeing your back, your black hair tied up messily as you tirelessly work day and night. I sit on the staircase, not doing much, while you rush past, paying me no mind. This house feels warm, and I have no reason to go outside, nowhere else to be. No one to become. I watch you leave from my window, and I wave goodbye when I know you’ll come back. But I didn’t think of what I would do when you didn’t come back one day, and then the flames consume the house, the walls closing in. I have to find you. I run through the house, I see my reflection in the mirror and I find you in me. I find you in the moon and me in the stars. I find you in the withering flowers and me as the seeds you plant. I stumble outside, knees scraping against concrete. The rain pours, but I barely feel it. My heart aches, it’s bleeding into the raindrops. You’re gone, and I’m alone, but you taught me love and pain. You’ll keep staying a memory, fixed in place, while I move forward without you. I gather myself and return home, but you’re still not there when I get back. But instead I see you in everything I do. I tell myself, “I’ll eventually become just like you one day, so I guess I’ll have to start now” all while I still have you, so that you can help me through all of this.
As a former teenager who grew up with One Direction I am absolutely devastated by the news of Liam’s passing.
I still listen to their music to this day, Well into my twenties. Growing up, Liam was my favorite, As he will remain for the rest of my life.
Liam had a certain pull to him, A magnetic field that was so powerful you couldn’t help but feel drawn to him. He was funny, Kind, Honest and Vulnerable.
I desperately wish he realized how loved he was, How much people cared about him and how unmissable he is. Liam, My angel, You deserved so much better and I hope you’re finally at peace up there. I hope you finally get your well deserved rest.
This goes to show, Again, How important men’s mental health is. Please don’t suffer in silence, I would rather hear your story a thousand times while you are alive then tell your story in your memory.
Rest in peace, You are tremendously missed and unconditionally loved.
Liam Payne
1993 - 2024 🕊️