I've Been Screaming A Lot And My Parents Keep Questioning My Sanity

I've been screaming a lot and my parents keep questioning my sanity

^-^

Sister: have you ever thought about perishing?

Me: yes, on multiple occasions. Maybe daily?

Sister: cool

Me: no, it means I'm suicidal

Sister: ...oh

(This is a joke, I'm not suicidal)

"You just squished the gays!"

"I'm gay, so it doesn't matter!"

Context: my sister sat on my rainbow raccoon and smushed him

Update: I called my brother homo-phonic for punching said raccoon

I trusted you!

*dramatic turn to walk away*

*proceeds to trip over nothing leaving the room*

Me being zoned out doing a simple task: *spewing random nonsense*

Parent: Did you say something?

Me, just zoned back in: I don't know, probably making fun of someone

Things that I learned my dog is scared of:

- small frogs

- beach balls

- shower faucets

My brave boy