Dumdums - Tumblr Posts
"You just squished the gays!"
"I'm gay, so it doesn't matter!"
Context: my sister sat on my rainbow raccoon and smushed him
Update: I called my brother homo-phonic for punching said raccoon
"I don't think my thoughts, I just am a thot"
~my sleep deprived sister
Me being zoned out doing a simple task: *spewing random nonsense*
Parent: Did you say something?
Me, just zoned back in: I don't know, probably making fun of someone
Sister: have you ever thought about perishing?
Me: yes, on multiple occasions. Maybe daily?
Sister: cool
Me: no, it means I'm suicidal
Sister: ...oh
(This is a joke, I'm not suicidal)
Things that I learned my dog is scared of:
- small frogs
- beach balls
- shower faucets
My brave boy
So my family is weird, so here's some quotes from them. Used them as you will:
"Dad, do you love me?" "Didn't we have this conversation last month?"
"I don't jerk off because I'm horny, I jerk off because I need the dopamine"
"Look, I understand your stressed, but literally stop. Your ruining my vibe!"
"This may be a surprise for you, but racism isn't hot..."
"*Me singing Encanto songs*" "stop being a whore"
"The grim reaper won't take my soul, so I'm sad"
"Do you ever have a good dream, them someone you hate shows up in it and makes you hate it?"
You know what? I'm not normal either. So have some of my strange quotes:
"Wait, it's not normal to feel concerned when given affection?"
"You're asking for advice from someone who had a dream about a pizza sauce roller coaster"
"How could you tell my brain keeps turning on and off on me?"
"I didn't ask your gender, I asked if you wanted to scream at someone with me"
"I just want people to question my existence by just looking at me!"
"Keep talking in that tone of voice and I'll start scream singing 'We Don't Talk About Bruno' at you!"
"I hope you know my preferred method of murder is arson"
"Ok, I have like, five swords in my attic, give me a name and I'll die them"
Quote from me and my friend
Me: "It's called bonding..."
Him: "The only bond thing I know is bondage!'
I'm friends with horny idiots :I
More quotes because fuck me and my family are weird:
"I like that top. If I didn't have tits, I would wear it."
"Are you ok?" "No, I just got attacked by a clock"
"I'm related to a murderer?! And here I thought I would be the first to kill someone!"
"If my frog isn't on my bed when I come back, I'm going to rip your raccoon's butthole open!"
"What does outside have to offer me? Loud noises and annoying people? No thanks."
"Can you not be horny for one minute?" "That's to much to ask of me"
"I don't care if it's almost midnight! Two people updated their fanfics and I'm going to read them!" <I'll be honest, this one's me~>
Brother: Keep talking and I'll shove a buttered avocado up your but!
Mom: Who butters an avocado?
Me: I think you mean why you're putting avocados in peoples butts! °~°
._.
"Either Baymax is done, or he got stuck on the ladder and killed himself."
The most out of context thing my mom has said
Brother: I'm a straight male and I know more about penises than you?
Me: Are you sure, I thought you said your bisexual?
Brother: Eh... Femboys confuse everyone...
I haven't posted weird quotes in a while, time to change that :)
"I hope this is my period and not my body rejecting the fact I have a uterus"
"Fuck, I started thinking and stopped paying attention"
"Well, she separated rooms for boys and girls so we shouldn't have any problems." "... Bitch, I'm Gay!"
"I'm more scared of <me> than our manager" "Good, I'm a preschool teacher!"
"Leave the kid alone. He has a mullet, he doesn't need anymore problems"
"I may not be a cow, but I will moo."
"Look bitch, you don't need to have a foot fetish to accept the fact that feet exist!"