Describing Redacted Characters In One Sentence Or Less (brackets Don't Count) But It Gets Progressively

Describing Redacted characters in one sentence or less (brackets don't count) but it gets progressively less comprehensive part two: Fooliverse Edition [for the original post go here]

Guy: Anyone working minimum wage ever

Gavin: An overheating mee-cro-wah-vey

David: UwU but with less attitude

James: Head pats

Anton: Cure for acne

Milo: The reason I will be convicted for murder because oh my god I want to kill this man so badly it's not even healthy anymore (for legal reasons this is a joke) That one anthill in my garden that's been bothering the shit out of me

[Also, because he didn't exist in the first post:

Porter: Sticking the straw into the bottom of the Capri Sun because you're a little freak]

You can tell it's getting too late for me to be writing when this shit happens:

"(...)So, stay out of my business." With that, he pulled the grand double doors shut and left.

How dramatic, I thought and grabbed the door handle. He couldn't say stuff like that and then think I'd just stay here and let him have the last word - who did he think he was? I pulled and then pushed at the door, but it wouldn't budge. I paused for a second; it was probably just stuck, right? I pushed and then pulled again, and the door didn't move one bit.

So yes, he did get the last word. At least for now - I wouldn't let this stand for long, he could count on that. I would have told him as much, but, door.

Every time I write romance and begin fleshing out the characters all I think about while making my protagonist is "just don't be Bella Swan and you're good. Just don't be Bella Swan. Just don't be a slice of wet cardboard" and so far that's massively improved my main characters

Wasn't that a thing in Fahrenheit 451 too? I think I remember Mildred having a script for some of her shows and that she liked how immersive it made them

Does anyone else here know about Co-Star? This is super fascinating to me! The scripted nature of the listener dialogue (as opposed to the implied dialogue used in modern roleplays) sets the format apart but this definitely is vintage audio roleplay! I love that this exists. I'll be seeking some out very soon!

Why did they go from Sweet "I need to do this bad thing for the greater good" Lovely Person to Horrendously Evil "I have been using magic to mind control you into loving me and killing people for me" Bastard just now? And why is that also filling plot holes? Why is my sweet misunderstood baby evil now no please brain stop-