Redacted James - Tumblr Posts
@ririchurl i always see u on my tl how r we feeling rn
sometimes i think about how marcus didn’t really think/process he crossed the line after literally fucking the asset, but when james passively told him “i know what the fuck you’re doing, creep”
part of him knew, objectively, what he was doing was wrong but the families/coworkers he was hurting, the agency he removed from them, the money and time everybody invested — he didn’t truly care about all that, or even felt guilty for it til the obsession went too far and someone powerful sent him something of a warning.
being that level of evil AND pathetic is almost impressive
Pls I desperately need new James content
SAVE ME JAMES SAVE. ME.
My Iced-Tea Categorization Thing But It's The Redacted Characters:
-Drinks iced tea straight from its two-liter carton:
Sam (but only when he doesn't have a glass)
Elliott (but it's a 1 liter carton)
Frederick (it's Bright Eyes' fault)
Huxley
Marcus
Caelum
Hudson
-Drinks iced tea from a glass like a normal person but the glass is filled with more ice than tea:
Gavin (3/4 Ice 1/4 tea)
Damien (the tea is more water than tea with how fast the ice melts so he needs a lot)
Xavier
Vincent
Kody
Milo
Blake
-Drinks iced tea warm, defeating the whole purpose of it being iced:
Ollie (forgets to drink it so it turns warm)
Ivan (Yandere and Flyboi)
Quinn (his teeth are sensitive)
Regulus
David
James
-Prefers hot tea:
Aaron
Camelopardalis
Avior
Anton
Brachium
Morgan
Eric
Geordi
"Why would you drink tea when [sugary, over-caffeinated thing that will one day give them diabetes] exists?":
Asher
Guy
Lasko
Nick
"Why would you drink?"
Vega
Redacted Characters And Listeners That Should Not (under any circumstances) Be Handed a Gun:
-James (Will face first degree murder charges for killing several of his superiors.)
-Milo (Should face a first degree murder charge for killing at least one individual, but there is not enough evidence to make this possible.)
-Angel (Will lose the gun.)
-Kody (Because obviously.)
-Hush (OBVIOUSLY)
-Sunshine (Will kill off everyone in CloseKnit no questions asked [but would that be such a bad thing?])
-Guy (The worst he'll do is shoot a hole into the wall [on accident?] but that's already enough of a reason to never hand this man a firearm.)
-Bright Eyes ("Hey, Fred? Wanna find out how many bullets a vamp can take?" - "No thanks!" - "Chill out, I wasn't gonna test it on you." - "*sigh of relief* Oh thank god... Wait, you're not going to try and kill Vincent again, right?" - "Of course not!" - "Okay good." *silence* "Wait, Bright, no!")
Describing Redacted characters in one sentence or less (brackets don't count) but it gets progressively less comprehensive:
David: Big werewolf alpha dude (not the cringe kind)
Milo: Smol werewolf dude (the big kind)
Damien: Hot tsundere (literally)
Morgan: Non-existent
Guy: A heart-shaped pizza with all your favorite toppings that you can top yourself if you want-
Nick: Cat boi (definitely the cringe kind)
Ollie: Comfort food
Blake: Cold soup
Gavin: The reason I cry myself to sleep once a week
James: Needs to go tf home.
Asher: The canonical energizer bunny
Lasko: Me
Huxley: Me on anxiety meds
Caelum: Cotton candy given human form.
Anton: A testament to Erik's voice acting and general acting skills.
Marcus: Very killable.
Kody: Looks like great cake but actually went bad five months ago.
Elliott: Had an edible for breakfast and hasn't eaten since.
Hudson: Trying to eat serotonin with chopsticks.
Brachium: An edible pretending to be a gummy worm.
Vincent: Talks like what perfume tastes like.
Ivan: Saltwater in your eyes but it might just be your tears and you honestly don't even care at this point.
Aaron: Sand in your mouth and between your teeth but you're enjoying it.
Sam: If blankets could talk, they'd sound and speak like him.
Eric: That feeling you get when looking at an empty closet.
Camelopardalis: Anxiety meds in the form of a flesh prison.
Avior: If you unhinged your jaw, you could eat him.
Vega: You can drink him with a straw (and only with a straw).
Hush: You can eat him.
Just saw a post with a snippet from a fic featuring Regulus and James with Regulus sobbing ("No, I want to be better. I promise, I want to be better.") over a (I presume) dying or leaving James. And the comments were all real sad and crying and stuff and I was like "What is this bit? Why are we all taking a crack fic seriously?" And then I went to the profile, found the fic, and realized that this fic was, in fact, not some crack about Regulus and James from Redacted ASMR but a serious fic about Regulus and James from Harry Potter.
I will now go and bury myself in the backyard.
I am colddd so,
"Want me to make you some tea?" - Ollie, Lasko, Caelum, Camelopardalis
"Then come to bed already" - Aaron, Damien, Sam, David
"Let's run ourselves a hot bath then" - Milo, Vincent, Avior, James (to his spouse)
"Put your hands between my thighs! :D" - Guy, Huxley, Gavin, Asher
"And what exactly am I supposed to do about it?" Hush, Brachium, James (to Asset)
Imagine if Erik just killed the asset.
Like
They go into the Meridian and just explode or smth. Boom. Gone. Dead. It would feel so anticlimactic but like imagine if ETS then just made copies of them over and over and over again and have them die in the Meridian time and time again and by the hundredth attempt or so, they're so traumatized from all that that they fight their way out of that place and hide out in Dahlia.
(And then they meet Avior and Starlight who take them in and they save the world together. Yay. Happy ending.)
[Or they meet Hush and just go full villain mode I'd be down for that too-]
Redacted characters/listeners as quotes from a depressed little thing I wrote:
"Beyond a veil of liquid ink there is naught but one; myself" - James
"Who was the one who did decide that all these gifts - the good, the bad, creative colorful, and melancholy low - whoever deemed that they would matter?" - Hush
"They will not see what's past this veil" - William
"But my opinion is my own and my gifts are mine to share at my discretion" - Morgan/Seer
"[This veil] keeps me safe; it keeps the things within as my own" - Darlin'
"My bad and selfish are among those things I keep and they might be wrong and out of place but here I will cherish them all the same" - Porter
"[Ink] stains your throat, [ink] stains your lungs; in the blood of stories old and young" - Vega (to Warden)
Describing Redacted characters in one sentence or less (brackets don't count) but it gets progressively less comprehensive part two: Fooliverse Edition [for the original post go here]
Guy: Anyone working minimum wage ever
Gavin: An overheating mee-cro-wah-vey
David: UwU but with less attitude
James: Head pats
Anton: Cure for acne
Milo: The reason I will be convicted for murder because oh my god I want to kill this man so badly it's not even healthy anymore (for legal reasons this is a joke) That one anthill in my garden that's been bothering the shit out of me
[Also, because he didn't exist in the first post:
Porter: Sticking the straw into the bottom of the Capri Sun because you're a little freak]
I LOVE YOU
Hello Hello! I'm back with another way too complicated project <3
So! I have had a couple friends ask about Redacted Audio, and for a summary for various reasons. So I did that, and I'm sharing it!
I made 4 different versions of the summary, Canva, PDF, a very broken Google Slides, and a Google Docs alternative.
All are available at https://fanmade-redacted.carrd.co/
Two things to note! One, this was made for fun and has no relation to the official channel or website. Two, is that I am one person doing this as a side project. There is a very good chance I missed things or the lore could be outdated. Shoot me a message if that's the case! But otherwise, enjoy! Thanks friends!