Tony: What The Fuckwhy Did You Have Your Finger Up My Ear, Honeybear?

Tony: What the fuck—why did you have your finger up my ear, honeybear?

Rhodey: You were sleeping with your eyes open. Go to your room and sleep on a bed like a normal person.

Tony: I can't, Peter's patrol still hasn't ended. It isn't his bed time yet.

Clint, whispering: It's Thursday, he's not even supposed to be here.

Natasha, sighing: We know.

Tony coming back to the lab on fire near a corner, DUM-E spreading the fire extinguisher foam everywhere but the place burning, and glitter covering every inch of the worktables and inventions:

Peter: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Peter: I need to go help my classmates, Mr. Stark! I'll be back in 5 minutes!

Tony, worried dad™: What if you don't get back in 5 minutes?!

Peter, suiting up: Then just wait longer!

Tony: You're so reckless! The third stab wound this week, this week! I told you I'm fine being sent to voicemail as long as you call back after!

Peter: But it's you! It's Tony-freaking-Stark! What if you called me for something important? Like, an Avengers-level mission, or an emergency!

Tony, pinching his nose: Underoos, you do know that I can just let FRIDAY automatically patch through if that was the case, right? Please just stop answering my calls mid-fight and end up bleeding on the streets! I have heart problems, kiddo.

Peter: What if the actual reason why our clothes are heavier when we get out of the bodies of water like oceans, is because we carry the weight of the souls of the corpses that drowned in there? Like, they're souls that haven't rested yet, and they can possess, and we're the nearest living thing so they try to attach themselves to us but end up being on our clothes instead.

Tony, crying as he cancels the beach trip: Peter, please stop, I'm already planning a different vacation plan—

Peter, high on coffee: I'm shitting, crying, throwing up, stepping on nails, and fucking fighting god

Harley: I only shit and cry, you’re a talented multitasker.

Tony, who walked into their convo: What the fuck, you two?