Incorrect Peter Parker - Tumblr Posts

Peter: Jokes on you Mr.Stark, Flour isn't even a spice!

Harley: So you're dumb AND boring!

Tony: I'M BORING!? I am genious billionare playboy philanthropist! I am NOT boring!

Harley: Then let us work on the iron man suit!

Tony: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Peter: SEE!? BORING!

Tony: Oh please! If you were a spice you'd be flour!

What Tony comes home to find:

Tony: Hey kid. How was your time with Shuri—why is there a giant pool of rice in the middle of the room?

Peter: Oh, h-hey Mr. Stark. So um, I kinda accidentally spilled water on Mr. Vision and he kinda started sputtering and collapsed, so Shuri suggested that we throw rice over him, so um...

Tony: ??????!!!!!!

Peter, verge of panic: i GoT mY hAnDs StUcK iN pRiNgLe CoNtAiNeRs OnCe WhAt Do YoU eXpEcT fRoM mE???

Tony: When I drink alcohol, everybody calls me an alcoholic

Tony: But when I drink Fanta, no body calls me Fantastic

Peter, quietly handing him a Fanta: :)

Peter: What if I were to hit my head really hard with a fire extinguisher and have all my braincells click into place?

Ned, grabbing fire extinguisher: We won’t know until we try!

Peter: If you do this, I will kill everyone you ever loved and burn you alive along side them. I will leave no evidence behind and no one will ever know what happened to you. Don’t test me.

Ned, throwing away the +4 card out of sheer terror:

Peter: Y’know, there is a more efficient way to answer someone on the phone when you really don’t wanna talk to them.

Peter: “Mario’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce!”

Peter: And guess what, Nick Fury did stop calling after that!

Happy, having a stroke when Nick Fury appears on his phone afterwards:

Tony: On a scale from 1 to 10, how are you feeling?

Peter: Well you know when you’re sleeping and your body does that fake falling thing?

Tony: I don’t see how that describes anything...

Peter: I know but I spent most of my afternoon thinking about that.

Tony:

Tony: I’m just gonna put a 3 again...

Peter: I wish I could get the same amount of praise as a sham-WOW.

Tony:

Tony: I’m going to hug you now so shut up.

Peter: May just made seven layer bean dip, you want some?

Tony: Sorry kid, I don’t like beans.

Peter, eyes boring into Tony’s soul: ...Who the fuck doesn’t like beans.

Peter: Hey, doesn’t it smell like updog in here?

Bucky: Haha. Kid I’ve heard this too many ti—

*Dog barks being webbed to the ceiling*

Peter: I knew it smelled like updog in here. I guess it’s from the matter?

Bucky: What’s the matter?

Peter: Nothing much what’s the matter with you?

Steve: Bucky, put down my shield—BUCKY—

Tony: Kid, for the love of God, stop being reckless and getting yourself nearly killed.

Peter: Why’d you have to say that?? You saying that makes me want to do it even more!!

Tony, exasperated: What is wRONG WITH YOU—

Peter with his super hearing and his teenage hormones: OH MY GOD STOP BLINKING SO LOUDLY.

Tony, confused and frightened: I’m sORRY?????

Texting:

Peter: *sends a picture of a guy throwing a fidget spinner*

Peter: Consider this a warning

Peter: Oh wrong number, sorry.

Tony: Who was that for?

Tony: Peter who the fuck was that for??

Tony: So kid, anybody you like at school?

Peter: Well I sexually identify as a mistake so what does that say?

Tony: That says “another tharapy appointment.”

Peter: Technically, you can’t prove that I can die until I do die.

Peter: And after today’s Spanish test, I might just test that theory.

Tony, using Peter’s own webshooters to web him to his bed: NO—

Tony: Ned, what was the first thing you did after the shooting?

Ned: I called my parents and told them that I was okay.

Tony: And what was the first thing Peter did?

Ned: He ate a banana.

Peter: You know, you could consider me like a barbie scooter.

Tony: Elaborate?

Peter: Fabulous and unstable 😀

Tony: I’m firing your therapist—

Peter: People have asked me if I am a glass half full person or a glass half empty person

Peter: And I have come to this conclusion.

Peter: *abrubtly smashes glass on the ground*

Peter, humming: When you’ve wimbled all your wombles, and you’ve jingled all your jongles, listen to the flimble flomble of my fûckįñg tâñgęrïńē...

Tony:

Peter: Pain. Agony even. Suffering perhaps. Torment maybe.

Tony: I just asked you what you wanted for dinner...jesus fucking christ—