Incorrect Tony Stark - Tumblr Posts

Texting:

Peter: *sends a picture of a guy throwing a fidget spinner*

Peter: Consider this a warning

Peter: Oh wrong number, sorry.

Tony: Who was that for?

Tony: Peter who the fuck was that for??

Tony: So kid, anybody you like at school?

Peter: Well I sexually identify as a mistake so what does that say?

Tony: That says “another tharapy appointment.”

Peter: Technically, you can’t prove that I can die until I do die.

Peter: And after today’s Spanish test, I might just test that theory.

Tony, using Peter’s own webshooters to web him to his bed: NO—

Tony: Ned, what was the first thing you did after the shooting?

Ned: I called my parents and told them that I was okay.

Tony: And what was the first thing Peter did?

Ned: He ate a banana.

Peter: You know, you could consider me like a barbie scooter.

Tony: Elaborate?

Peter: Fabulous and unstable 😀

Tony: I’m firing your therapist—

Peter: Pain. Agony even. Suffering perhaps. Torment maybe.

Tony: I just asked you what you wanted for dinner...jesus fucking christ—

Peter: I don’t care what anybody says, I stand by what I think: nachos are real.

Tony: Who-who opposed???

Harley: I’m just saying...they’re a bit sus...

Tony: Hey kid, you writing an essay or something?

Peter, typing out his Star Wars DR script: ...yes

Peter: Heca jehbe kahvrven idhwvbe hebenakd.

Tony: Um...what?

Peter: Ah sorry I thought autocorrect would work.

Tony: Peter this is a verbal conversation—

Harley: Be the first to fuck up something that nobody has ever fucked up.

Peter: I accidentally got a ferry to split in two pieces, nearly killing people in the process.

Harley: You’re on the right track :)

Tony: Harley shut the fuck—

Tony: Hey kid you should really read those novels, they’re classics.

Peter: No thanks Mr. Stark, they just seem really long and boring.

Tony: What’s that you’re reading there?

Peter, mumbling: ...a 500K slow burn Star Wars fanfic...

pepper: you should be ashamed of yourself

tony: you’re right, i should be ashamed of myself

tony: but i’m not

tony: i hate when people ask me what sign i am

tony: like, bitch, i am a sign from god

tony: start running

peter: could you pass me my mouth radio?

tony: you mean your HARMONICA???

tony: that’s not funny

peter: i think it’s funny

tony: you don't count. you started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw two days earlier

pepper: have you ever relaxed?

tony: once. made me very stressed

tony: one time my religion teacher who had a monobrow asked me, "what the hell did you do to your hair?" because i had dyed it and i said, "what the hell did you do to your eyebrow?" and he sent me outside

tony: when i came back in, he asked everyone what monotheism was and i said it meant a religion that worshipped only one god because "mono" means "one" as in monobrow and he sent me out again

interviewer to pepper: so what it's like to marry someone way, way, WAY out of your league?

tony, grabbing the mic: amazing. i never thought i would ever be this happy

tony: true warriors don't faint. we take unintended, decisive naps

tony: can i have a large vanilla latte with uhh… 7 espresso shots?

barista:

barista: just do cocaine