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We Have A Kind Of Similar Issue, From What Ive Heard From Other Alters That Is.
We have a kind of similar issue, from what Iāve heard from other alters that is.
Weāre mostly doing a āwe know we have this disorder, but we know that we wonāt check literally every box because human brains are complex and shit like thatā so our hosts do research on their own about DID as a whole, get a bit dissociated, or even start fake claiming themselves because of the fact that we donāt check every box.
So, over here anyway, weāre doing two things: just living with it and not worrying about it too much (and attempting to hide it from others because weāre currently not in a safe physical environment for systems), and weāre also doing our own research in our own system specifically. Like, writing down things we notice.
For example, we have something we call āvoice glitches.ā Itās always a little stutter where you accidentally say two words at once, or repeat yourself like a normal stutter, even if you donāt have one. Itās always a sign that we need to pause and think for a second before continuing to speak, or that a huge wave of dissociation/rapid switching might come if youāre in the front.
Another thing is how we all share dreams. Whole system has the same dream.
Or how theyāre just a little tv where we can watch imaginary shit.
So many interesting things that weāve noticed and written down and doesnāt cause us dissociation. However, itās also stuff our hosts have been scared to share due to fearing being fakeclaimed and people just⦠not relating to our experiences. (Also seen so much about system in-fighting that none of us relate to at all because we have alters whose job is to be a mediator and help with conflict, so hosts keep fake claiming themselves because of that too funnily enough :/ )
But yeah. Thatās just my two cents :)
-š
Something minorly infuriating is the fact that im pretty sure im still not supposed to āknowā about DID.
Iāve known for years about our DID, and ive done a ton of reasearch and looked into so many different things, and interacted in/been around so many different system spaces.
But every single time, without fail, even years later, if i spend a bit too much time reading about/hearing about/thinking about/etc. etc. DID, i get super disassociated and get a massive headache, and i have amnesia surrounding those moments a lot. I dont know if its another alter, or what, it doesnt feel like it.
But that gets super annoying because we have this disorder, and its so much of who we are, who i am that this happens so much, because this disorder affects every part of our life. But spending to much time even thinking about it dissociates us and gives us a massive fucking headache for hours.
Its like even though i know about our DID, im not supposed to know about it, yk? And that gets super annoying. Because its most of who i am.
anyways its really kicking our ass tonight because reasons, so i just wanted to yell about that. Let me know if you have any advice/relate at all/vnf
-host
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More Posts from Bstroobery
Do any other hosts feel like they⦠robbed their headmates of having an actual life? Especially since I didnāt know I was a system until almost 6 months ago. It⦠feels like all this time Iāve spent fronting has been robbing my headmates of the chance to feel like they actually exist and have a life outside of headspace, and possibly feel like this life is theirs too.
Because Iāve been talking with my headmates and⦠we started talking about our life, the trajectory weāre taking, yada yada yada (jfc weāve done a lot of self-reflection today as a system), and⦠they mostly go along with what I say. Except for Ghost, but only because heās also a host and makes major decisions as well. But⦠it feels like they donāt get as much of a choice as they should, and they said itās mostly mine and Ghostās decisions to make since weāre the hosts.
I just feel so fucking selfish right now and my headmates keep telling me itās fine. I just⦠I donāt know what to doā¦
-š
"my brain said"
Translation: an alter said something funny that I must share with you
Playing Tales from the Borderlands and seeing AI Jack and Jackš is just like āyeah, thatās how this feels most of the time.ā
Like⦠he explained the whole fucking thing and shit and just⦠damn. Glad heās actually dealing with shit and learned.
Also, heās complaining about having a conscience again and thatās just hilarious to me.
-š¦