Getting Reassurance Before Even Having To Ask For It >>>>

Getting reassurance before even having to ask for it >>>>

Tw: abuse

Me vibing but suddenly I remember all the times he hit and manipulated me into apologizing to him because he had to hit me.

Not fun. Not what I wanted to randomly remember. Why the fuck does my head keep reminding me of all of that shit??

And the worst part is that I still can't belive someone loves me if they don't hurt me. Like, the way I was taught love works, is always through hurting me.

I don't want that.

I wish for something. Something like a hug and the feeling of being loved.

My sister and I are just scrolling through her instergram and I see someone I don't know and ask who is this?

And she answers with oh, I was in jail with him.

She is an activist btw, she didn't actually do anything.

I really gotta star to think about what I want to do.

Because like, someone telling me to do what I want is really overwhelming.

Like, how should I know?? What do I want?

And also, do you want it? How should I know? Yell me yes or no please?? Because I can't read minds and it's hard to decide if I don't know of you want it or not.

I really have to work on that.

But hey, at least my poetry book is going really well. I am sorting through all my poems rn and decide which will actually stay in the book and I already have 23 :)

Painnnnnnn

Someone please knock me out so I don't have to feel this anymore