Dear Diary#3

Dear Diary#3

This is the part 2 of what it is like. I new that he was talking shit bout me to those who “ care “ about him.

HOw am I suppose to feel about any of this. What are the appropriate thoughts I should have? What do I get out of this?

The child I had an hand in, in raising. In influencing, In shaping has sooo much to say when I give options to rectify. When I was addressed by the adults. All I heard was excuses.

I’m so glad That I’m able to feel as free as I want to be now. Now that he is leaving my house I can feel the calm that came before this man made storm. I brought this on to myself because I though that this guy was worth it. You see, people bring up the fact that he’s 18. But! When things are supposed to go his way, he’s a man and should have the liberties to do what it is that he wants to do.

To me! That Is straight bull shit. Yes I was on my own. A lot more than he was. He was sheltered more than me. But! This is the way the world is operating. I’m doing what I would call a merciful crulty. Although to me it’s not cruel. But if you aren’t me and do not know what It is that I know. You’ll see I’m being truly kind. This to me makes me feel Iike I’m Thano’s in the MCU. Where everyone thought he was the bad guy by how he went about his business. No! I’m not killing anyone . BUt! I am being hard on the young man because. All he knows is comfort. What happens to a man in the real world who only knows comfort. He becomes another mans bitch! Or even a woman’s bitch! And with that. Too be a woman’s bitch, to me, is worse! Because, most of all, women that is, have expressed. That’s not what they want. Not what they Value. Not what they, most..... importantly respect!!!

If a woman does not respect you. You have lost already. Men! They will always be around. You can always do something to make a man want you. The trick is, you just have to be consistent. But! Women! No! Because the world is so unnecessarily hard on them. They wont take less than, from any man. They will use you until they spit you out! This is why I’m hard on him. He’s a fool for that good, good. And yes it’s happened to him more than once. He’s an introvert. So he does not talk about his feelings. BUt! Only lets you know what he want you to know so he can use you to his benefit. Something I have seen in him and will continue to disconnect myself from him for! His mother will always be a mother. But! To me he’s a shitty person.

Especially when all you have to do is ask. I will no longer be willfully blind to the actions of those who are around me or involved in my life. I’ve developed a new love language and it is called consistency. If you are consistently being an amazing person to me. I will be to you. But! No longer will I do this fucking stupid Jesus shit where I see and Minimize what I see happening in front of me. This is what I think the young man has come to me to for. In writing this, I did not think this at all until I started to ramble like morning birds on a tired day in my head. Thank you for these thoughts today, Tumbler Diary.  

Although this is not mine. And I’m usually not! Political I agree.

Hey everyone.

So, I might lose followers for this because I'm a writing blog and I don't get personal, but I am going to.

Now I want to make it clear I know it's none of my followers because you're all wonderful caring people 💕 but I want to just vent here because something very real is going on.

What's happening in Ukraine is not a joke.

I've seen so many tiktoks yesterday and today making a joke about it. War is not a joke. Real people are dying. Real people are losing family members. Real people are in pain.

My country is part of Europe and is getting involved, other countries in Europe are and NATO. This is very real and not a joke!

Stop calling Putin daddy.

Stop using AOT eren as Putin or Boris J for the rumbling.

Stop saying it's fake.

Stop doing skits.

Stop asking to turn people's screams and the bobs into ringtones.

Just stop.

People are losing their lives and that is not a chance for you to get on trending! People dying is not a joke. Your jokes are stopping people from seeing the real news, you're stopping people from seeing what's happening, you're stopping those suffering in Ukraine from showing videos of what is happening, you're stopping the vids showing of brave protestors in Russia. Your trending and jokes over shadow the real important things going on.

Instead of making a joke, reach out to your government and push them to put extreme sanctions on. Boost any Ukraine persons posts!

War is not a joke.

**Also, don't attack Russian people verbally about this. This war was not their choice. Their leader wanted this, not them.

Sorry for my rant everyone. As I said, I know it's no one here, but I had to say it. If you see anyone making a joke on this matter educate them on how real it is. Report videos that turn it into a joke. I love you all and to my followers in Europe, please stay safe ❤️

Are we MORE than we THINK?

So........ there’s this thing, right! Where we imagine how we are the main character of our show. The show is, obviously your name or something cooler!  And the platform of the show is the state in which you are living your life. And the internet would be your life subscription. So! in what state are you living your life? How is your show! Going to be?  

For me! If I were to think this way. Believing that I was a main character in a show. Titled “What life is left to live”  It would be a shit show with amazing ratings. My show would look a little bit like a life time movie. With a Droplets of harry potter and some cheesy gay plot that’s all wrapped up in how I use to be relevant. And how I’m clawing my way out of this programming. Programming that I have received to be more palatable for other people. The Hob goblins of this planet call (it sux) lol  

The way that I see myself,  is way more! More than, what I actually am in the real world. I think this is why Karen’s are going crazy. And are intentionally lacking the self restraint. Because the reality of what there “Poor little minds can conceive.” And what’s actually happening in the real world, is clashing horrifically. And Quite entertainingly as well. I mean! Man!!! When I need a good laugh or someone to judge. I happen to (you-tube Karen's gone crazy!!!) 

You see! I have a non conventional way of seeing the world. It’s called my p.e.r.s.p.e.c.t.i.v.e..... Although there are many who may feel I’m not supposed to have one. I can truly care less. So The show of mine would be called “What life is left to live” Or “I think I could!”  The platform of my show right now, would be “Dirty 30′s. A users manual.” Now that I think about it. That would be a great idea for a show. If you happen to take it. Link this and give me lots of credd. lol . 

Talking about credd, I know that I have a galactic amount of potential. Being a star kid and all. I also know that I can actually do anything that I put my mind to. So! Why don’t I do it? Because the plot of the show is. ”Being an adult sucks.”  And the main character slowly finds out what that means them. My character finds out there is actually no one that should be counted on. “Morbid, I know right!" Or that the one that should be counted on is ones self! All help is not good help. All free hands aren’t free. And the light that shines at the end of the tunnel actually burns just a little if your in it too long. So If we are more than we think we are. Then what are we thinking? What part of thought are we acting on. Or should I say Am I Acting On? I’m trucking on as much as I can. I’m tired of the red tape and the blurred lines and rhetoric that’s played with. But! life, shall  go on!

I live this poem

— Mahmoud Darwish

People before the internet probably thought they were a lot more original.