My Momma Didnt Raise A Bigot. A Bitch Sure, But No Bigots

My momma didn’t raise a bigot. A bitch sure, but no bigots

Humans: *starts making milk from things like almonds*

Alien: you need to be S T O P P E D

We have GOT to pick a better name for our galaxy than the Milky Way, if aliens ever come from the Andromeda Galaxy they're gonna think it's a horny thing

I’d like to thank the academy…for teaching me the magics these guys clearly weren’t paying attention to that day. Come on guys, we were in the same class. Get it together

The Wizard Convention by David Mattingly 1983

We think since humans figured out stuff like shoes, phones, and stop lights we’re actually something super special on our planet but we’re basically just anxiety riddled monkeys.

Worse, even. At least the monkeys figured out you don’t have to pay taxes if you just keep your mouth shut.

My New Year’s resolution? Become the local cryptid. Inspire folklore. Haunt the neighborhood. People would tell stories of seeing me under cars chasing raccoons in the middle of the night.

I’m so mad I read that correctly and didn’t notice

I'm at a :.|:; for words.