I Was Healthy, Working Out, Yoga Daily, Skincare Routine, Balanced Diet, All For 3 Months But I Still

I was healthy, working out, yoga daily, skincare routine, balanced diet, all for 3 months but I still wasn’t happy so now I’m depressed again and not sticking to any of those things that I know are good for me. It’s so hard living like everything is a phase and nothing fills the void.

I dunno if any of these pieces are actually me or if they’re just the personalities of the people around me or in a tv show or movie.

Not knowing who you truly are is one of the quiet killers of bpd. I always feel so broken and empty.

Every day is hard, just being awake, alive, aware. I know what I have to do to feel better, to feel good in my skin and feel like my life isn’t a waste. Knowing the solution and implementing it are two completely separate things though. That’s what I have the hardest time with. And while I sit around waiting for the motivation to do the healthy things that will bring me closer to stability, or at least a little further from this hopeless feeling and depression, I have to constantly list the people I’d be traumatizing if I took my own life. The impulse is there, daily, hourly, because it’s so overwhelming being an adult human, or just being in general. I can’t picture any future for myself, just this meager existence, so talking myself off the ledge is constant work. I never get to clock out.

speak now week day 5: create something that celebrates individuality and standing up for yourself.

and all you’re ever gonna be is mean

Trigger warning: s3lf h@rm

Feeling utterly alone

New wounds keep me company

Soon I’ll have little scar friends

They’ll never leave me

Made this a while ago, wanted a Swiftie phone background that made me feel hopeful and reminded me to breathe💗

I figured out the actual worst part of BPD... constantly hurting your loved ones over and over. That's the real worst part.