Quiet Borderline - Tumblr Posts

Every day is hard, just being awake, alive, aware. I know what I have to do to feel better, to feel good in my skin and feel like my life isn’t a waste. Knowing the solution and implementing it are two completely separate things though. That’s what I have the hardest time with. And while I sit around waiting for the motivation to do the healthy things that will bring me closer to stability, or at least a little further from this hopeless feeling and depression, I have to constantly list the people I’d be traumatizing if I took my own life. The impulse is there, daily, hourly, because it’s so overwhelming being an adult human, or just being in general. I can’t picture any future for myself, just this meager existence, so talking myself off the ledge is constant work. I never get to clock out.

If you’re living with BPD like I am you know that stability is hard to achieve and even harder to stick to on a daily basis. DBT skills are a vital part of us getting through the ups, downs, rages and triggers, with as little collateral damage, or damage to ourselves, as possible. After going through DBT group therapy I decided to start making my own guide graphics for the skills because there simply weren’t enough cute visuals available. I often think that something has to be aesthetically pleasing for us to pay attention, and for me that means lots of colors! I make these graphics, using Photoshop and DBT skill print outs that are easily found with a google search. I also think the less clinical language can go a long way💗

*I’m not a licensed clinician or therapist, I’m a woman who’s been battling her BPD for over 16 years. Thankfully, with the help of many professionals, supportive family and friends, and some key reading, I’ve survived past the “average life expectancy” for BPD, which is 27 years of age. I’ve been practicing DBT on and off over the years, at times finding it hard to use and unhelpful in moments of distress. Only this year, after my second hospitalization, did I find the right info to finally understand how it should work and it clicked. I still struggle with the daily triggers, bouts of depression, and the feelings of emptiness, but I do find that I’m able to survive it all because the DBT skills have actually sunk in. I’m also very aware that therapy is a privilege that many can’t access, and sadly even when you can, BPD is a tough thing to diagnose, treat properly, and get the help you need. So now I’m just trying to spread the understanding, help others figure out how DBT can work, and of course, breakdown the stigma associated with BPD.

*More info about my experience with DBT*

The Borderline Personality Disorder subtypes. Theory developed by Millon, though not officially recognized as subcategories of the disorder. Crossover is common, but subtypes do help with treatment since people present differently.

Notes from a Petulant Borderline

I'm a mix of quiet and impulsive.

Hall🎃ween #6

I know it seems like I'm always doing bad, and that's because it's the truth- I am always doing bad

omg maybe life is worth living [i had a decent day] —> i cannot be saved [the slightest inconvenience occurs] —> i am a fucking god and everyone loves me [someone laughed at my joke] —> i am going to kill myself [i feel a little bit unwanted because of someone’s reaction]

and this shit just goes on and on and NEVER stops