Spring Awakening

Spring awakening

It's beginning to warm up a little, and that does have a tendency to help pull me out of a rut. I had the windows open a bit and was enjoying the fresh, cool air.

Until, of course, I heard the sound of his motorcycle in the neighbourhood. At least I think it was his. I got accustomed to recognizing the different hums each machine made, and I could pick his out easily enough last summer.

The sound used to thrill me; now it brings me nothing but dread and reminds me how easily he could appear out of nowhere this season. So much for a pick-me-up.

The windows are closed again.

I have no idea why taking steps to heal has to be so damn hard.

I have my group therapy intake tonight. I’m feeling sick.

I hope you can find a way to continue your healing - you deserve nothing less, and everything more. I hope you remember your bravery 🌿

You sent  this at just the right time.  Thanks for the support; I needed it  :)

Update : John and Jane are no longer together. I know because I do their taxes.

He said this to me while he had me pinned to the bed by my throat and his knee in my my stomach. It was after he had shaken and thrown me onto the bed. He had spitscreamed in my face that I was a useless cunt because I was not making enough money.

He idolized John and Jane's relationship mostly, I think, because Jane bought John a few neat gifts.

Rumour has it John did try to keep Jane in line in the same way I was. And Jane found an outlet similar to mine to deal.

I saw her yesterday. I wanted to say something. I didn't.

“What? You think John* hasn’t ever had to keep Jane* in line? You think I’m the only one who does this?”

* a couples friend of ours. Names changed.

Whoever wrote this was well meaning. I get that. But now I have a definitive list of holyshitfuck things I am completely dropping the ball on.

How Often To Clean Your House from someeecards:

Sprinkles And Crafts: A Food, DIY And Lifestyle Blog.

I have my group therapy intake tonight. I'm feeling sick.