His Last Text To Me Was Nearly Two Years Ago. Every Unrecognized Number That Calls Still Makes Me Sweat,

His last text to me was nearly two years ago. Every unrecognized number that calls still makes me sweat, but I have found peace living out from underneath his thumb.

Look at you, living everyday without the person you thought you needed.

A text from January 31, 2017

wow all you need to do is surprise me with dinner, a new job, a three some, a vacation and a apartment (or your own home big enough for me)

and i would be dating you.

one of the worst feelings ever is being in your own house and feeling like you need to go home

"It's so important that I stay strong through his dark moments. He needs me and I just need to work a little harder next time to make sure he's not unhappy."

“Just how many times did you tell yourself “it’s okay, I can take it” while being aware that the same thing done to anyone else would be cruel and hurtful, but it was different for you, because you were used to it, and that made it okay?”

— And then they call you “too sensitive”. (via furiousgoldfish)

There are lots of accounts online and elsewhere of people experiencing guilt due to a perceived lack of productivity right now.

I have that feeling every day regardless of what I've accomplished. He made sure I never felt comfortable resting; there was always something to do, some task that needed completion immediately after the last one, and some ball I was dropping by sitting on the couch and day dreaming for a few minutes.

This guilt is crippling and so hard to shake. It's a fight to remind yourself that rest, particularly in streessful times or when healing, is not a luxury.

It's a necessity.

One day, i had the audacity to not share his opinion.

After the usual screamfest he insisted that one day we would take an IQ test to prove once and for all that I was an idiot and he was smarter. He told me that I should shut the fuck up or I would feel extra stupid that day.

In one of my rare moments of defiance, i asked very politely, what would happen if, by some accident, I scored higher than him. I saw a split second of "oh shit" in his eyes before he said "then we would know that the test was faulty because that's not possible."

You know, I don't think he ever brought it up again.