One Day, I Had The Audacity To Not Share His Opinion.

One day, i had the audacity to not share his opinion.

After the usual screamfest he insisted that one day we would take an IQ test to prove once and for all that I was an idiot and he was smarter. He told me that I should shut the fuck up or I would feel extra stupid that day.

In one of my rare moments of defiance, i asked very politely, what would happen if, by some accident, I scored higher than him. I saw a split second of "oh shit" in his eyes before he said "then we would know that the test was faulty because that's not possible."

You know, I don't think he ever brought it up again.

one of the worst feelings ever is being in your own house and feeling like you need to go home

Still growing. Still healing.

As I am looking for a new job, I am subconsciously evaluating the level of public visibility I would have in that role. He had naked pictures and videos of me performing sex acts. And lots of videos with horrible, damaging, abusive and humiliating things he made or manipulated me to say.

I'm sure after all this time he's kept them. He's paranoid, you see, and he'd want to keep these as leverage in case I ever decided to go to the police.

He's also just a jealous, vindictive and angry man. He would be hellbent on destroying me if he perceived that I was more successful/important than him.

If you were ever looking for a place to start:

1. Walks are wonderful - no one you pass knows anything about the purpose of your journey, so you don't need to feel awkward in your 'aloneness'.

2. The movies! It's dark, and you're not supposed to speak anyway. Show up during previews if you're feeling vulnerable.

There are worse things

When I am alone, I think it is the worst. I have to remind myself constantly that no, indeed, it isn’t.

Well, crap.

if you’re on tumblr and over the age of 24 it means the mental illness won