I Spent Far Too Long On This Joke

i spent far too long on this joke

anyway geralt gets injured on a hunt and loses his memory, wakes up high on painkillers. remembers nothing.

calls jaskier "the prettiest thing" and awkwardly flirts, then almost beaks down when jaskier says he's taken.

then jaskier tells him they're married and geralt bursts out crying because he can't believe his husband is so beautiful and caring

whenever someone enters the room, he's like "ma'am have you met my HUSBAND???"

okay so modern au where jaskier wears glasses.

they’re these big aviators that are in desperate need of tightening, spending most of their time slipping down jaskier’s nose.

and one day, he’s leaving the cafe he’s just spent a few hours studying in (used here very loosely, studying meant a generous ratio of one minute of note taking and five minutes of aimless scrolling through twitter), and just as he goes to open the door, it opens and knocks into his face.

now, the actual contact with the door and his face is not the concerning part rather than the fact that his glasses go skidding onto the sidewalk outside. both jaskier and the delinquent who opened a door in his face go for his glasses, and in a very specific moment, all is silent to him save for one deeply upsetting sound.

he feels it in his bones, reverberating down his spine and settling in his stomach: crunch.

“oh fuck,” jaskier, now blinded, says just as the stranger clumsily and genuinely apologizes.

“i am really so fucking sorry. oh, god.”

jaskier moves his foot, cringing at the scraping sound of his broken lens, and makes to bend down and pick up his glasses, but the stranger does so before he can and presses them into his reaching hands.

the stranger sounds truthfully apologetic. “do you—do you happen to have, like, another pair?”

jaskier bursts out laughing, and does his best to focus his eyes enough to read the man’s expression, but his nearsightedness has really progressed quite far. he’s impressed with his terrible prescription.

“you’ve never met anyone who wears glasses, have you?” he holds his glasses, carefully, close enough to assess the damage.

one lens is quite scratched up, but the other has almost shattered completely, fucking pulverized by his own damn shoe.

he wills himself not to cry.

“i hope your sight is good enough so you can drive yourself home,” the stranger offers, and his blurry figure shifts from foot to foot, and he can just make out his hand going to the back of his neck.

jaskier raises a brow. “unfortunately, last time i got my eyes checked, the doctor told me i am very close to being legally blind.”

“are you serious?” he could hear the horror in the stranger’s face.

“i am being dead serious. my precious eyesight is no laughing matter.”

he tried again to focus his eyes so he could clearly see the perpetrator. “luckily, i still have my old ones at home.”

“could i drive you? home, i mean,” the stranger offers. interesting. jaskier almost falls on his ass from the shock of this man’s chivalry. “really. i’ve just broken your glasses.”

“technically, i was the one to step on them.”

“yes, but you wouldn’t have stepped on them if not for me swinging the door in your face.”

irrefutable logic. jaskier couldn’t compete with a man like him.

“before i let you drive me home, stranger, i have to ask,” he moves closer to him, which does nothing to help him see his face any clearer. “are you a serial killer?”

the stranger huffs out a laugh. “no. i am not a serial killer.”

“all right,” jaskier feigns suspicion. “only because you asked.”

and jaskier gives the man, geralt he learns he’s called, a description of his car and the keys.

as geralt takes jaskier home, he thinks of something.

“geralt. have you heard the saying that if you knock a man’s glasses off his face and witness him pulverize them into the pavement on accident that he’s automatically your new best friend?”

geralt laughs and then hums thoughtfully. “i have not, unfortunately.”

“damn,” jaskier says. “it’s very common where i come from.”

“i see.” a pause. “well, i suppose you are my new best friend.

and when geralt gets jaskier safely inside, he invites him to stay for dinner and a chat, and he accepts.

and while they wait for their takeout to arrive, jaskier practically crawls up the stairs to his bedroom where, on his nightstand, lay his previous pair of glasses. they’re as equally massive as his now crushed aviators, but they’re round tortoiseshell frames and can just barely get the job done of gifting jaskier with sight.

and when he descends the stairs like a normal person and actually sees geralt for the first time, his knees nearly give out underneath him as he thinks, oh, jesus. he’s hot.

merman!Geralt and Siren!Jaskier!! i was practicing in procreate and am very proud of how it turned out!!

@jaskiersvalley inspired me to break out of the art block and make Geralt a 20 ft behemoth 

so we were making ‘witcher’ stickers and i drew my favourite boy and uuuuhh im actually quite satsfied with how it turned out, me cry, i love making stickers, its so stupid

Okay this is a weird thought, but like. Do you think Geralt can like speak backwards? Hear me out okay, just listen

He’s been around for a long time, right? Sure when we meet him he doesn’t talk that much but he still has a past man, a mans gotta know language in order to speak to people. I’m someone who likes to think Geralt, and the rest of the Witcher’s, are really educated. Not only monster nerds, but also smooth with words when they wanna be y’know?

I can’t help but think that Geralt and Eskel totally learn to speak backwards. I don’t know why, but I honestly think it would be hella cool.

Jaskier like comes along and starts traveling with Geralt and maybe they go to Oxenfurt and they drink and have a good time and Geralt is taking a drink of his ale and is feeling a bit of a buzz when Jaskier asks “so is there anything you can do other than witchery stuff” and Geralt takes a moment to think before saying something backwards and Jaskier. just. stares.

Huh?? Geralt like smiles a little and hides it behind his ale while Jaskier just takes a moment, because what the fuck, Geralt. What was that.