Shocker! I Didn't Die, I Simply Moved To Ao3 And Got Into Mcyt Lmao, Sorry Gang

Shocker! I didn't die, I simply moved to ao3 and got into mcyt lmao, sorry gang

existing online is weird because i see people have online friends but the only online friends I've had we've either grown apart or just lost contact.

like i wanna join online spaces but the spaces I'd join are already spaces people in my life have asked me to allow them to keep private to themselves (which they are absolutely allowed to do)

so here I come, back to sander sides Tumblr to cope lmao /lh

I’m yelling at the void but idc

(Yes, hello, i changed my username and profile picture. and IRL found my account and I felt like a change)

But just. The way Thomas has set up Logan’s ark (something I’ve been screaming over) makes me wanna scream /pos

Because we’ve talked about Logan wanting to be taken seriously but at the same time being allowed to be goofy and emotional, not enough, but its been mentioned. But its interesting how uncomfortable that makes him. Like he fight to be taken seriously because he wants to be respected, something that the rest of the sides half do. Like Roman’s name calling is a sign of disrespect because he aims at what he knows will knock Logan down. Like this isn’t me attacked Roman, the feud is 100% two-side a lot of the time.

But I’d love to see an ark of Logan trying to balance the fact that Thomas is not a serious person, but that Logan is and instead of one bending to the other, they need to accept the faults in each other and work together.

This is a stream of consciousness post so forgive me if it makes no sense

If The Heavens Ever Did Speak

Warnings: religious trauma, demons, biased view of religion, insecurity, homophobia, church, quotes from the bible Themes: Religion, demons, corruption Words: I'd say a lot (2091)

this is all based on a dream I had ages ago

-

“In him was life, and that life was the light of men."

The chapel is filled with the muttering of the hopeless and hopeful. Logan tunes them out as he listens to the words as absorbs them. A shoulder presses to his, a soft movement and slow reminding him that there is a body beside him. He does not turn to face them as he is sure they don’t either. His mind is on his Lord, and there it will stay. He listens to the words and lets them sink deep into his skin and brain. His mind is on the Lord, and there it will stay.

Virgil is silent beside him, hands interlocked and close to his lips as he repeats the scriptures and words, repeating and muttering as he gives his all to his Lord. Logan is beside him, and Virgil knows his eyes are closed as he lets the words be absorbed. Virgil does not look, keeping his eyes cracked as he mutters and prays alongside his community. From the corner of his eyes, he sees the fearful, those who do not respect what they are doing. He will not let himself be tainted with them.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

They are quiet upon their return home. Their home is cracking and broken, but they do not complain. If not in this life, then in the next, they will see heaven. They will see plenty and will not want for anything. They will not want in this life. Virgil is the first to speak, the first to break their silence and bring them away from their scripture.

“Lunch?” Logan gives him a small smile, nodding as he puts their coats away as Virgil moves slowly through the kitchen. His limbs are heavy, and his mind is complete, but he moves methodically. The curtains are blowing softly beside him as he moves slowly. The light is soft and grey as the rain is drizzling down. If he strains, he can hear the scratching of Logan’s quill move against the paper in the other room, but for not, he won’t. The floors creak below him, and the ceiling above him does so too. He does not want nor does he complain. He is alive.

“Though we are overwhelmed by our sins, you forgive them all.”

“Humans? Again?” Instead of remaining focused on the humans through the screen, he doesn't turn to the voice. “Remus? This is hardly normal?” Subpoena tries to fight the grin that is consuming his face, but he can’t.

“What can I say, Roman? They intrigue me,” He replies before he spots them. They’re his favourites to watch. They’re slow and sullen, and he almost revels in it. Almost. 

“Remus.” He doesn’t respond, his mind and eyes following the humans as they move slowly, their bodies rigid. “Their god does not like us.”

“Their god has nothing on me.” Remus blocks him out, letting his humans consume him in their movements. He can hear the sound of footsteps as Roman leaves, but he does not turn. He watches their descent to their quarters. His lips curl into a scowl as the run-down shack they live in. The wallpaper is crumbling, and the table and furniture are chipped. His eyebrows furrowed as he leaned forward, planting his hand on his chin as he watched their movement. One moves to the kitchen, preparing a simple stew. The other moves to the bedroom, scribbling in a notebook. Remus, still leaning forward, lets a smirk overcome his face again.

“The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.”

Virgil finds himself being drawn to the man before him. He is supposed to be helping the priest with the monthly charity event, but he’s found himself completely distracted. The man’s hair is darker than the night, and his eyes seem to be overtaken by a shadow that Virgil is entranced by and wishes to get lost in. He finds himself moving without thought, entirely overwhelmed by desire as he moves close to the man. He pauses a few metres away, suddenly aware of his .mind again. He frowns, looking at the floor as he frowns at himself. He should not desire for anything, he remembers. He turns around, leaving the man behind. 

Throughout the day, the man sits in his mind. He is consumed by him, so much so that he returns to the same place where he first saw him. To his surprise, the man is there again.

“Hello,” the man says, a smile spread across his face. Virgil does not match the expression but does not turn away. He knows he should. The Lord does not welcome mingling with outsiders, but he figures once won’t hurt. “What’s your name?”

“Virgil,” he speaks before thinking. 

“I’m Remus. Tell me, where did you disappear off to? You seemed to be hellbent on coming over to me, then changed your mind.”

“I had to help my priest organise an event,” Virgil says.

“You’re religious?” Virgil nods. “Do you ever grow tired?” Virgil blinks at him, eyes widening. “Tired of waiting for your god to help you?”

“I don’t have those thoughts,” Virgil says, moving away from the man, but he follows him.

“Don’t or shouldn’t. Surely you have wants? Desires?”

“I-” Virgil pauses, standing in front of him.

“You can tell me your wants?”

Let it be known that Virgil rarely doubts. The church was his saviour, saving him from himself when he was young and alone. It gave him Logan, his love (even if he could never tell him), and it gave him a home, a community. Virgil has not wanted for anything because he knows what it is to suffer, and so he will be thankful for what little he has.

“You could have more,” the man, Remus, says. “You could have more than what you have.” Remus moves closer to him, and Virgil should move away, should return to his life and not want. He should never question his Lord. But he doesn’t. “I could give you what you want and what you need.” Virgil feels a hand on his hip, and he finds himself unwilling to move away, his breath stolen from him as he feels the man’s arms consume him.

“Remus, I- what- But-” 

“Shhh, let yourself want, human, let yourself want with me,” Remus’s voice is in his ear. 

“I shouldn’t think these things,” Virgil whispers.

“Your Lord has no control here.”

“I-” Virgil closes his eyes, mind conflicted. His lord saved him and gave him Logan; he should never doubt him.

“Is Logan your love's name?”

“I- He’s not my-”

“I see how you look at him?” Quality’s face burns red. “I see how he looks at you.”

“He doesn’t- it’s not returned.”

“Oh dear, little one, your Lord has led you astray. Making you believe you cannot love. Follow me. Come with me. You can love in peace with me.”

“But my lord-”

“Your Lord has forgotten you.” Virgil opens his eyes to meet Remus’s red ones. His eyes widen more as a soft hand comes up to cradle his face. He should pull away, but he finds himself wanting to stay. He finds himself wanting. “Stay with me.”

“And Logan?”

“Let’s go to him then.” Virgil feels himself being moved, and in the blink of an eye, he’s home, and Logan is looking up at him. 

“Logan…” he says, and his voice already betrays him. The air is heavy and cold, and Virgil thinks he might cry at the look in Logan’s eyes.

“You have forsaken him-”

“Logan-”

“After all he’s done for you-”

“Logan, please-”

“After all he’s given us?”

“I love you.” Logan is quiet, eyes wide. “I know he says we are wrong, but we aren’t. I love you. Please, Logan, we could- I don’t know, Logan, we could go, Logan, please, I love you-”

“No- no, you can’t. It’s wrong, Virgil, it’s-” Virgil is crying, tears streaming down his face as Logan steps back.

“Logan.” Logan spins around at the new voice. “Your Lord has forsaken you. He knows nothing of love.”

“No, he loves us, he cares for us, he-”

“Has left you behind.” Remus moves closer to him. “I know this. Virgil knows this. See the light.”

“No, he- no!”

“He has left you in the dark, Logan. He has forsaken you.”

“No, I- no, he-. NO!”

“You love Logan. You love Virgil, but your lord has abandoned you. You cling to a faith that has done nothing but hurt you.” Logan’s breath catches as his eyes connect with fiery red eyes. “I can offer you safety. I have seen you two want for more than you have. For safety and love, Logan, I can give you that. Come with me.”

“Logan, please,” Virgil says. “I can’t stay, not now. But I can’t leave you-” He cuts himself off with a sob, Remus pulls him close, and Logan feels something well in his chest at the sight.

“You’re a demon,” Logan whispers.

“I am,” Remus says. “I am a demon, and I am your salvation.” Logan steps towards Virgil, towards both of them. He extends his hand, letting Virgil attach to them, to fall into his arms.

“I love you,” he mumbles to the man, who only cries harder. “Why do you help us?” he asks the demon, and the demon smiles, not cruel or unkind like he’s been taught but small and vulnerable.

“I have seen what you god does to his people; I do not wish to see you suffer.”

“But why?” he asks, desperately searching for anything because if he’s going to leave all he’s known behind, he needs a reason.

“Because I know what it is to want. To want for something and not get it,” Remus says, hands moving to cup Logan’s cheek to press against Virgil. “To love and not be allowed to show it.” Logan's face tilts, almost unconsciously, leaning against the warm hand. “Your God hath forsaken you, but I never will.”

“My lovers got humour.”

Remus finds himself to be lucky. He supposes it’s in his nature. The sky is dark as he sits. If he were awake, Virgil would say the sky is always dark here, but he sleeps peacefully on his lap, his head rested on his chest as his chest rises and falls softly and peacefully. Logan remains awake, his hand moving through Virgil’s hair, looking up at Remus, where he sits at his throne every few moments. When he’s sure Virgil is asleep, he moves away, letting Remus’s hand replace his and brush through Virgil’s hair.

“Why?” Logan asks, voice quiet. “Why us?”

“Love is a fickle thing,” Remus responds. “I’ve seen how your god treats his people, with punishments and pain for things that are out of your control. I do not wish to see you suffer. To see either of you suffer.”

“Why us?”

“Because you deserve better.”

“How do you know? How do you know we do? We have sinned. We have loved people we should not. We have broken the rules. We’ve been tempted. We’ve wanted.”

“You can want here.”

“It is wrong,” Logan whispers, but Remus knows he does not mean it.

“You are happier here,” Remus says. “You could be. You could be safe here. You could love him here.”

“Why help us?”

“I love you.”

“You don’t know us.”

“Unlike your old God, I take care of my people. You will not have to want because I will give you it all. I will shower you in it all.” Logan says nothing, letting himself move closer to believe. “You can love here. You can stay here.”

“You don’t know us,” Logan repeats, doubting his own words.

“I do not need to. I want to, but I have seen you, how you need.” Remus’s warm hand returns to his cheeks. “Can your God do this?” And then there are lips on his, and Logan feels the want rush through him. The wants he has repressed for years on the instruction of his community. He feels the want to kiss Virgil and hold him. The want to make mistakes and to live rush through him as Remus moves away. “Let the want consume you.”

“It’s a sin,” Logan whispers, but he doesn’t mean it. He finds himself wanting to sin.

“Whats sin to a demon?”

"Knows everybody's disapproval, should've worshipped them sooner."

Themes: Christmas, no expressed romantic relationships  Warnings: references to sexual things, the odd cuss word Words: 1479 words

“Can someone help me with this oven? I still amn’t used to it,” Patton said, poking his head out from the kitchen door.  

“’amn’t’ isn’t a word, Patton.” Logan said.   

“C’mon specs, don’t just give out to him.” Virgil rose from his seat. “I’ll help, Patton.”  

“Thanks Virgil, I just can't figure out the dials.” The two disappeared into the kitchen as Logan flickered over the page of his book, ignoring Roman’s sharp look.  

“Roman, stop that look with your face, if the wind changes, you’ll be stuck like that,” Janus said, glancing up from his phone. Roman rolled his eyes.  

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” he said, standing up and heading into the kitchen.  

“You should just let Roman be an idiot.”  

“It’s so much more fun to call him out though,” Janus said, smirking. Logan chuckled.  

“Sure, go for it then.”  

“Don’t tell me y’all started the festivities without me!”  

“And risk you placing some gaudy in your face decorations up? It’s a solid no from me,” Virgil said, re-entering the room. “But Pat and I could use your help in the kitchen if you want?” Remus pondered, making a show of putting his hand on his chin and putting on a ‘thinking’ face.   

“Fine,” He said, sighing. “I suppose I shall rescue Christmas with my expert cooking skills.”  

“Yeah sure, whatever shrimpy, get in the kitchen before I change my mind.”  

“Okay, daddy long legs.” Virgil rolled his eyes with a smile.  

“Shut up and help me with the gravy you nuisance to society.”   

“Coming from you, emo, that’s almost a compliment.” Roman said, walking back into the room.  

“Don’t tell Remus, we don’t need his head getting any bigger.” With that, Virgil and Remus disappeared into the kitchen, leaving, Janus, Logan and Roman in the living room.  

“Are you two seriously just going to read all day? It’s Christmas!”  

“You bought the books,” Janus said, not bothering to look up from his book.  

“But now I’m bored.”  

“Go help Patton in the kitchen.” Roman made a farting noise. Logan rolled his eyes. “Very mature,” he said.  

“Thanks, I asked for majority off Santa.”  

“You should’ve asked for a nicer face.”  

“We are literally the same person, idiot.”  

“Don’t call me an idiot, it’s Christmas.” Roman groaned, flopping down on the coach dramatically.  

“It doesn’t feel like Christmas, what with you two doing boring everyday things like reading.”  

“Well, what do you suggest we do?” Janus said, looking up. Logan groaned as a smirk split across Roman’s face.  

“Snow ball fight!”  

There are two things you need to know about the sides. 

1. Never give Roman a challenge 2. Never make Janus feel competitive. 

Once those two rules were broken, all hell broke loose.  

That is precisely how Logan got stuck outside in the cold while Roman and Janus built up defenses fortress’ in the falling snow. Logan was shaking his head at them. Since there was an uneven number, the pair had decided he would be the judge and keep time. He knew this was a very useless role, but also recognized that he could tip the balance and make it an unfair match. 

“On your marks, get set, uhm, throw snow at one another?!  

“Wait no I’m not-”! Roman was cut off by a narrowly missed snowball to the face. He quickly ducked back down.  

“Ha ha, Roman, concede or prepared to be beaten!” Janus said. Roman gave him the fingers before launching a snow ball at the other side. Janus hissed at him before readying his own snow balls.  

-x- 

“Hey, does anyone else think it's too quiet?” Patton asked. Virgil, who was covered in flour and mashed potatoes sent Patton as murderous look.  

“How is this quiet?” Remus, who was holding the back of flour, was smirking.  

“Ah, he is right. There is not sound coming from the other rooms.”  

“That would be because we left Logan and Janus alone, who were both reading.”  

“Yes, be we also left Roman alone with those two and he always brings out the worst in them.”  

“Dear old baby brother, causing mayhem, I’m so proud!” Remus said, dramatically wiping a tear.  

“You can’t call Roman an ‘old baby’. They cancel each other out.”  

“Get out of here with your facts, slender man.” Patton giggled at that.  

“C’mon, let's go check everything out. We’re just waiting on the turkey to cook, but we have time.” Virgil sighed, wiping down his jacket.   

“I’m going to change, since someone-” he shot a sharp look at the smug Remus “-ruined my jacket.”  

“You should wear your Christmas jumper!” Patton called after him. He and Remus headed to the now empty living room. “Well, that's strange.” 

“Well Christ in orgy, where is everybody.” Before Patton could answer, there was shouting from outside. The two sides looked at one another before heading to the source. They followed the noise out to battle. At this stage, much of each fortress has been destroyed by snowballs and both Janus and Roman were trying to alternate between rebuilding their forts but also attacking their competitor. Logan was watching with bewildered amusement, unable to feel most of the chill anymore. He was the first to notice to new arrivals. 

“Roman wanted to be entertained, so he challenged Janus to a snowball fight,” He explained, gesturing to the current situation.  

“Oooh, that sounds like fun!!”  

“Yeah, we should join in.”  

“Dibs on Remus!” Roman shouted, temporarily cease firing. Janus shot him a sharp look.  

“Don’t worry, Jan, I can build your snowballs and work on keep the fort standing!” Janus softened his glare slightly (though he’d never admit that later)  

“Sure Patton, let’s beat the them!” Remus happily jumped over to his brother’s side.   

“Right Remus, the fort’s falling apart, but I’ve got a reserve of snowballs so I say we just attack all at once and claim a sudden victory.”  

“Sounds good, sugar, spice and everything boring.”  

“That’s not the saying.”  

“I don’t care.”  

“Cease fire ending in 3,” Logan said, cutting off the two groups discussions. “2, 1!” The fighting resumed as the front door opened and Virgil stepped outside, holding two mugs.  

“Hey specs, I got a mocha for you,” he said. “I would’ve brought some for the others but they’re technically exercising which’ll keep them warm.” Logan nodded in agreement, taking the cup into his freezing hands.  

“Thank you, Virgil.”  

“No bother, Lolo,” Virgil said, taking a sip of his own warm drink. “So, who’s winning?”  

“In terms of strategy, technically the twins but only because their plan is more thought out, in comparison to Janus and Patton’s ‘we-figure-it-out-as-we-go-along’ approach,” Roman hollered from behind his fortress at Logan’s words. “That being said, the latter team’s fortress is only partially destroyed, whereas the twins one is almost eradicated, so that would hinder their performance enough for Janus and Patton to win.”  

“It’s not over yet, Roman, so pipe down over there!” Janus called out, launching a snowball at Roman’s crumbling base. Virgil laughed at this.  

“Good to know that even at Christmas, some things never change,” He said.  

“In what way?” Logan asked.  

“Just... well this. The fact that Janus and Roman will always butt heads and drag the rest of us into it,” Virgil said.  

“Yes, but that can be very annoying,” Logan said.  

“Still, I wouldn’t change it for the world.” As Virgil was finishing his sentence Roman and Janus both delivered a strong blow to the opposition. Roman’s tower had crumpled, leaving him exposed, whereas Janus had gotten hit in the face.  

“I win!” They both announced at once. There was a silence before everyone turned to Logan and Virgil.  

“Oh no...” Virgil said.  

“Well Logan?” Janus asked,  

“Who won?” Roman finished.  

“Since you never actually expressed what would count as a victory, whether it be knocking your opponent out or crumbling their fort, technically both of you and neither of you win.”  

“Huh?” the two said at once.  

“You never told him what qualifies as victory so you both lose,” Virgil said, downing the rest of his drink. “So congrats, you wasted your own time and now you’re cold.” Janus and Roman exchanged a look before firing a snowball at the two judges. “Oi! Fuck-!” Another snowball landed with a thud on Virgil’s face. “Right then, Logan, let’s get these assholes.”  

“Indeed.”  

Soon, all six were hurling handfuls of snow at one another. Patton would hardly call them balls, more like clumps. The competitive air that had hung around before was gone now, leaving the six sides cackling and laughing at their own antics. Patton stopped for a moment, taking in the scene before him. He let a grin spread across his face as laughter filled up the mind palace.   

His moment was quickly cut short by a snow ball to the head, but we can’t have everything. 

All is well. 

Well, hello. I’m still alive (somewhat). Lost all motivation and creativity but I’m back now! I am in a very stressful school year so I will update when I can. Thank you to everyone who stayed and welcome to everyone who followed.

And happy holidays to everyone who celebrates and happy ‘thank-fuck-2020-is-nearly-over’ to everyone who doesn’t!

“A toast!” Everyone in the room looks up as Janus stands up, his chair screetching behind him. He’s sat at the top of the table. They’re all here, sitting at the long dining table. Everyone, including Thomas, who sits at the other end, looks up to the deceitful side but he’s only loooking at Virgil. “A toast,” Janus repeats. “To Virgil.” The room is quiet and Virgil feels everyone’s silent gazes swing to him. “To Virgil.” He razes his glass, the red liquid slopshing slightly. Virgil feels his dread building but he can’t look away. He’s gaze is frozen on the other side. “Always the protector,” he begins, his eyes shifting form brown to yellow. “never the protected.”

Virgil’s world comes crashing down around him. His vision begins to blur as he sees them all raise their glasses. They’re look at him. They’re all looking at him. He sees their lips moving but he can’t hear them over his own heartbeat in his ear. He wants to speak, but his vocal cords are gone. His throat is throbbing and he thinks someone might ripped them out of his throat. He wants to say something, anything, but he can’t. He’s helpless.

He’s alone.