Jitters

Jitters

I'm back from the dead. and by dead I mean I think I've melted

Theme: fluff, the first day of school, domestic fluff Warnings: No warning Words: 973

"I don't want to!" Patton sighed, looking down at ten-year-old Virgil as he pouted on the staircase.

"I know, storm clouds, but you have to go to school," he explains, bending down to Virgil's eye level. "It's very scary, I know but it's important."

"Why?"

"Because I can't teach you these things myself, storm cloud, and your dad and I have to send you to school."

"I wanna stay at home with you and dad." Patton sighs.

"I know you do but Dad and I have got to let you go to big school. You were so excited about it yesterday, what happened?" Virgil says nothing, pouting. "What's up buttercup?" Patton pressed but it met with the same response.

"That's quite the pout, Virgie, what's wrong?" Virgil's eye shoots up at the voice of his dad, looking at Janus' eyes as he comes up behind Patton.

"Will you not make me go to school?"

"Virgie, I work here. I'm legally required to bring you," Janus says and Virgil's pout deepens. "How about this," Janus begins, crouching down to Virgil's eye level. "You tell me what's up and why you are scared, and Pops and I will see what we can do to help."

"I'm gonna be the only new kid... No one likes new kids," Virgil says. "And! My dad's the principal! Everyone is gonna make fun of me." Janus gives Virgil a sad smile, sharing a look with Patton. "Why couldn't we just stay back home. Where we used to live."

"Because, storm cloud, Dad got a much better job here. A job that means we can do more fun family stuff together," Patton says.

"I know but..."

"But it's not home yet?" Janus asks and Virgil nods, leaning into Janus' half hug. "How about this Virg," Janus says. "If you make it through today. Whether it be a good day or even just a day, me, you and pops will go to the nice diner near the arcade and we can drown our sorrows together."

"Drown them in milkshakes?" This gets a chuckle out of both of Virgil's parents, though he has no idea why.

"Yes, with milkshakes, Virgie." Janus squeezes him with one arm. "Or we can order take out and go on the long walks like we used to before."

"Can we do both?" Virgil asks, looking at Patton with puppy eyes, knowing damn well he's easily influenced by them.

"Of course, storm clouds. But you have to promise to have a day and not hide in the bathrooms." Patton ruffles Virgil's hair. "It's okay if you have a panic attack. We'll talk to Mr Picani about increasing your sessions if you can't handle it, okay?" Virgil nods at the mention of his therapist (Picani was Patton's roommate back in college and Virgil's therapist since the child had started getting bad nightmares and anxiety attacks a year prior). "I love you to the clouds."

"And I love you to the sun," Virgil parroted back.

"And I love you all the way back," Janus finished, kissing Patton on the cheek and allowing him to give Virgil a hug goodbye.

"Be safe, boys, okay!? Love you!" Janus smiled and waved at him as Virgil buried himself in his hoodie.

"Have a good day dad," Virgil said.

"Have a day, Virgie."

-

"Not a complete disaster?" Patton said, sneaking another chip off Janus' plate as the three of them sat in the diner.

"Not really. One kid, Remus, talked to me but he was a bit weird. He has a brother named Roman," Virgil said, trialling off as he tried to recall everything that had happened. "Oh and some older kid from the joint high school said my hair was cool. He was drinking Starbucks which I didn't think we were allowed in the corridors" Janus raised his eyebrows. "Oops, probably shouldn't have said that in front of you."

"Technically, purple hair isn't allowed either, Jan, so we can't pick and choose," Patton pointed out

"We, is it now?" Janus teased before smacking Patton's wandering hand. "These are not our chips, Pat."

"Aren't you a communist?"

"Not when it comes to fries, love," Janus joked and Patton rolled his eyes. "How's your food, Virgil? Your Pops hasn't tried to steal any yet, I hope."

"Pops can have as many chips from me as he wants," Virgil said, smiling smugly at Patton's quiet squeal of delight.

"Suck up." Virgil simply stuck his tongue out and Janus ruffled his hair, laughing. "Come on kid, finish up your burger. Think you'll have room for a sundae?" Virgil looks offended at the implication that he wouldn't have room for a sundae.

"Don't make yourself sick," Patton warns. "We are still going for a walk back home." Virgil nods, tucking into his burger. Patton's hand finds Janus'. "How was your day?"

"Good. The science teacher, Logan, he's pretty nice," Janus says. "He says most of the teachers here are a bit bitter that they hired outside the school for the new principal instead of promoting one of them."

"Is he? Bitter, I mean?"

"I don't think he cares much. Long as we don't disrupt each other," he explains. "Nice thought, he showed me a nice place to get a better place to get coffee in the morning." Janus intertwines their fingers. "How about you, Pat? How was your day?"

"Well, I bought some painting stuff," he says sheepishly. "I figured since I don't have to work anymore to make ends meet, I can get back to it."

"That's great, Pat, really," Janus says, squeezing their hands tighter.

Things are gonna be okay, Patton decides. Even if Janus' colleagues are a little bitter and Virgil is anxious about it all, things will be okay. And if they're not, he'll figure it out.

"Virgil you can't inhale a burger you will joke-"

"Watch me!"

"Virgil!"

They'll be okay.

existing online is weird because i see people have online friends but the only online friends I've had we've either grown apart or just lost contact.

like i wanna join online spaces but the spaces I'd join are already spaces people in my life have asked me to allow them to keep private to themselves (which they are absolutely allowed to do)

so here I come, back to sander sides Tumblr to cope lmao /lh

Not A Lie

Themes: Virgil and Janus actually talk for once, ship fic Warnings: Reference to lies, crying, shouting work, minor cursing. Words: 662 words

“You left us! You were the one who thought you were better than us!” Janus is screaming now. He’s screaming and he can’t find it in himself to care. “Stop acting like you’re the one who was hurt by all of this, you left us! You left me!” There’s silence but Janus is fuming. No, Virgil doesn’t get to just silently sit through this. He has to respond. He has to face Janus’ anger. “Oh really?! Nothing to say now, huh, Virgil?! No, come back?! NO-”

“You left me first.” And the room is silent again. Janus is looking at Virgil, at the silently furry that rolls off him in waves. “You left me first.” He repeats. “You stepped back. I- I kissed you and you kissed me back and then- then, you pretended it never happened! Like we never happened. And you ignored me and lied to me when I tried to ask about it, tried to figure out what was happening. So you get off your high horse, you’re not the only one that got left behind!” Janus is silent. His fuming. He’s so angry he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He wants to shout at Virgil, but he also just wants to go to his room and never leave again.

“We don’t work.”

“We don’t.”

There’s a silent understanding that they could. If they tried, they could work. They could work beautifully. But neither want to make the first move. There’s too much hurt and too much pain there. It’s a wound that neither side will ever fully heal from separately. But together is exhausting. Being together is scary. Janus is look at him, at Virgil, and he almost reaches out. He almost extends his hand and brushes the hair from his face like he’s done a million times before. But he can’t and he hates it. His fingers twitch, almost beginning but then Virgil is looking at him with tears in his eyes. Virgil is crying. He made Virgil cry. And Virgil made him cry,

“Goodbye, Janus.” ‘Beg me to stay. Ask me stay. I’ll stay if you tell me to,’ Virgil’s mind screams. ‘I would stay here and fight but I need you to give me a reason. Give me a reason, Jan, please-’

“Goodbye Virgil.”

They just couldn’t work, could they?

They were improbable.

--

It took Janus a whole twenty seconds to realise he did not fucking care. He did not give a single shit about probability (who let’s math dictate their live?).

It takes him twenty seconds to realise he was wrong. He didn’t want to repeat this cycle. He was never a fan of cycles. 

It takes him twenty seconds to realise he was wrong, and another twenty to start moving. 

He moves fast, like he’ll die if he doesn’t. To a degree, he will. Because he’s sick of being scared. He’s darting through the hallway (he’s probably almost knocking into someone but he doesn’t care.) He’s running because this is Virgil and he’s sick to death of being stubborn. He barges into Virgil’s room and his heart breaks when he sees the tear streaked face.

“What?” He says, voice heavy. “What more could you possibility want?”

“I love you.”

“Shut up.”

“I have been in love with you for years.”

“Please.”

“And I know you’re anxious-” duh “-and you have no reason to trust me.”

“You’re a liar.”

“But, liar’s honour, I love you.” He’s standing in front of first now, who hasn’t moved. Weakly, Virgil lifts his hand, hitting it softly against Janus’ chest.

“I hate you.” Lie. “I hate you so much.” Another lie. 

“You know I know when you lie, right?”

“Yes.” Not a lie. They’re silent. Janus hesitantly opens his arms and Virgil falls against his chest. “I wish I could hate you.” Lie. “But I love you too much.” Not a lie. Janus smiles, wrapping his arms against the other side.

“I love you.” Not a lie.

“I know.” Not a lie.

Here. Uhm, have this short fic because I’m not dead :)

Remus: Hey Janus?

Janus: what?

Remus: are you awake?

Janus: who the fuck do you think said what?!?

Logan: Wait, who drinks the lactose free milk?

Patton: Me, I’m lactose intolerant

Logan: I literally saw you finish a pint of ice cream last night

Patton: I said I was lactose intolerant, not responsible

I’m yelling at the void but idc

(Yes, hello, i changed my username and profile picture. and IRL found my account and I felt like a change)

But just. The way Thomas has set up Logan’s ark (something I’ve been screaming over) makes me wanna scream /pos

Because we’ve talked about Logan wanting to be taken seriously but at the same time being allowed to be goofy and emotional, not enough, but its been mentioned. But its interesting how uncomfortable that makes him. Like he fight to be taken seriously because he wants to be respected, something that the rest of the sides half do. Like Roman’s name calling is a sign of disrespect because he aims at what he knows will knock Logan down. Like this isn’t me attacked Roman, the feud is 100% two-side a lot of the time.

But I’d love to see an ark of Logan trying to balance the fact that Thomas is not a serious person, but that Logan is and instead of one bending to the other, they need to accept the faults in each other and work together.

This is a stream of consciousness post so forgive me if it makes no sense