Fdd700 - Writer, Though That Implies I Write - Tumblr Blog

i swear to god,,, whenever I see recent ish screenshots of tumblr on other apps, there’s always at least one fander,,, how many of us are there??

y’all i really am trying ;-; i am writing

Me, updating a fic after 6 years: I'm back, everyone!

My readers, who are tired of the lies and deceit:

OKAY BUT LIKE THE NEW EPISODEN SLAPS HARD OMG

giving me ideas ;)

Virgil: Babe, can you turn on the lights?

Patton: you’re the only light I need

Virgil: thats cute but I can’t FUCKING SEE

Virgil: I failed my fire safety course today

Janus: ... how?

Virgil: the question was ‘what steps would you take in case of a fire?’

Virgil: apparently ‘pretty fucking larges ones’ wasn’t as acceptable answer

Masterlist

AU’s

Teacher AU: (not attached fics/shots) Just Sander Sides as teachers. Might write for it if people want

Accepting Deceit/Janus

the original post/post that started it

chpt. 1

chpt. 2

chpt. 3

chpt. 4

chpt. 5

Non-series fics/One shots

Remus Has A Dumb Idea Basically, Remus has a dumb idea and his boyf Janus has to try and talk him out of it for his own safety (dukeceit)

Rant Fic: Bad Day Virgil suffers from chronic pain and one day, its all too much. Thankfully, he’s got people in his life who love him. (background duxiety, roceit + logality)

Two-Shot Series: Misunderstanding Part 1 , Part 2 Virgil’s feelings come to a head when Remus comes to him with a deal he can’t refuse. Misunderstandings ensue and Virgil’s forced to admit his feelings (dukexiety)

Remus is not a romantic person Remus breaks his owns boundaries because he thinks it what virgil wants. Spoiler: it’s not.

Christmas Fic Its Christmas and the sides do be existing

Grief Virgil and Remus deal with the grief of losing the most important person. First alone, then together

If The Heavens Ever Did Speak Religious trauma go brrrr. An Intrulogical Religious theme fic

Short fics

Movie night Remus proposes an idea that is quickly shot down. Insecurities arise and he goes to his boyfriend to help him sort his head out. (romantic dukexiety, + royality and loceit if you squint)

Not a Lie Virgil and Janus have history. History tends to repeat itself. (romantic anxciet)

Jitters Janus has to move for his new job and Virgil is worried about started school. Patton think they’ll pull through

Cheers Janus makes a toast for Virgil (hurt no comfort)

“So, technically, Tarzan, at some point, considered himself a furry.” The room was silent.

“You know, you don't have to say everything that comes to mind, right?” Logan said.

“You’ve ruined movie night,” Roman said, sighing dramatically.

“C’mon Ro, that’s a little harsh,” Patton said, patting the fanciful one’s head.

“But Padre-”

“Patton’s right. You contribute utter nonsense too,” Virgil said. “Like how you said Han’s was manipulated into being bad. He clearly was just poorly written.” Roman sulked.

“You#re only defending him cause you two are fu-” Patton shot him a look. “Romantically involved.”

“He’s not wrong though,” Logan said. Roman looked over at him. “No, not you Roman, Virgil is right on that front. But technically, it would make sense if Tarzan would have considered himself a monkey-”

“He was raised by gorillas,” Deceit said, looking up from his cuddling spot. Logan gave him his ‘did-you-really-need-to-interrupt-me’ look.

“Fine then, gorillas, but technically, at some point, he would have considered himself ‘a furry’.”

“We can just change movies?” Patton suggested. “Lion King?”

“Hell yeah, but only if Roman and Remus promise to sing ‘oh I just can’t wait to be king’!” Virgil said.

“Why us?!” They both said in unison. Virgil just stared at them.

“You two are the definition of himbos. Both ripped royalty and not a single brain cell between you.”

It was later that night (yes, after much debate, the two eventually got up and sang the song), after Virgil had cleaned his face and was lying on his stomach, scrolling through his phone on Remus’ bed, did the creative side finally let his guard down.

“I’m tired.”

“Then go to bed.”

“But I need something to cuddle.”

“I’m not tired.” Remus pouted. “Stop pouting and reap the consequences of your actions,” Virgil said, not looking up from his phone. “You can’t stay awake all night and then get annoyed when you're tired.”

“You sound like Patton.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Must’ve said it wrong.” Virgil shot Remus a look.

“What's bothering you?” Remus opened his mouth to speak. “If you say nothing, I will walk out that door. There’s something wrong.”

“Will Roman ever warm up to me again?” Virgil was quiet but he turned off his phone, signalling to Remus he would listen if that's what he needed. “It’s just when we got split, it was like, ‘omg! I have someone to rely on!’ but now it just seems that he hates me.”

“Do you want advice or do you want to rant?”

“I want advice.”

“Roman has projected his insecurities onto you. Your everything he hates about himself. He’s working on it, yes, and you definitely do not deserve it, but the only advice I can give you is 1, put yourself first, you don’t deserve this and you're free to turn around and leave. Two, give it time, he needs to work on himself a lot. And three, don’t let him get away without apologising.” Remus was silent before Virgil opened his arms. “C’mere, my nightmare.” Remus snuggled into his boyfriend’s chest, curling up to allow them to be the same size. 

“Thank you.”

“It’s okay, I’m here for you.”

Me; *doesn’t post for weeks* also me; “here, have this draft while i deal with shit”

ITS DUKEXIETY WEEK AND NO ONE TOLD ME??? i am The Kingdom Fool™️

now that percy jackson is joining the disney family, technically, TECHNICALLY, Mal and Nico are emotionally unavailable half siblings

Remus wasn’t a very romantic person. He didn’t see the appeal in the fancy dinners or candle lit nights. He just couldn’t understand why people loved them.

Virgil, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, both understood and loved the romantic nights. And, despite his attempts at hiding it, Remus quickly noticed. But Remus knew that Virgil loved him, impulses and all.

“Hey trash panda, have you talked to your brother recently?” Virgil asked as he sat on his phone on the couch across from Remus’ design computer.

“Normally, my dark and stormy night, I do my best to avoid the repulsive royal, so that would be a no.” Remus didn’t look up from his project - some horror anime/cartoon he was acting hush-hush on. Virgil knew it was because it was a trial piece and Remus didn’t want jinx himself.

“He and Jan are going to Morocco.” This caused Remus to spin around in his chair, looking at his boyfriend with a raised eyebrow. “Jan just texted me to let me know he couldn’t come us to that horror convention next month. Apparently Roman got a promotion so he bought the tickets as a surprise.” Remus nodded.

“Why Morocco?” Remus said, about to turn back around.

“I think he’s going to propose.” Remus froze before looking at his boyfriend who was frantically typing on his phone.

“How-”

“Jan has always wanted to get engaged on a foreign holiday. Plus, Lolo and I saw Roman talking to Cindy, you know Patton’s friend, one from the jewellery store downtown,” Virgil explained. “I’m texting him now to ask.” Remus nodded but didn’t say anything. there was silence, except for Virgil’s tapping.

“Not gonna lie,” Remus stated. “I always thought Janus would propose.” Virgil paused before gasping, followed by him chuckling.

“Bet you twenty dollars Janus is also planning to propose.” Remus laughed. 

“That’s such a rigged bet, they’re both definitely gonna propose.”

Sure enough, a month later, both boys returned home with engagement rings. The gang - Patton, Logan, Virgil, Remus, Emilie, Remy, Janus and Roman - were all in Logan and Patton’s house for Sunday dinner (a long-standing tradition). Virgil was locked into conversation with Janus, Emilie and Patton, who were both showing off their rings. Virgil was laughing with them. Remus’ eyes were glued to him.

“What's got you so distracted? Worried Virgil-”

“Dude, not funny,” Roman said, cutting Remy off. Remy took a sip from his cup but was otherwise silent. “Remus, what’s up?”

“do you think Virgil is waiting for me to propose?”

“I mean, maybe? Have you talked about marriage?” Remus was silent, thinking. 

“Yes and no. We talked about it ages ago but he hasn’t said anything since.”

“Has he dropped hints?” Remy asked. “That’s what Emilie did.”

“Virgil should know I wouldn’t pick up on them.”

“Hey, don’t stress, Rem, Virgil loves you and you love him, that's all that matters,” Roman said.

“That is correct. Maybe Virgil will propose. Patton knew I wouldn’t be able to pick up signs so he just asked me to my face.”

Remus tried to believe them, and he mostly did. Until later that night, when they were playing truth or dare. Logan and Patton were sharing the two-seater. Not quite cuddling but in each other’s personal space. Emilie had his head on Remy’s shoulder on the long couch, with Roman on Janus’ lap at the other end of the couch. Virgil was tucked into Remus’ side as the room turned their attention to him.

“So,” Janus said, wiggling his eyebrows. “Virgil truth or dare?”

“Considering you dared Remy to kiss Patton, I think I’ll go with truth,” Virgil said.

“Well, you wouldn’t tell us earlier, so... what was your dream proposal as a kid?” Virgil turned red.

“Can’t let that one go, no?” Virgil asked and Janus chuckled, shaking his head. “Uhm, pretty sure it was like a candle-lit dinner or something. Probably something cheesy and romantic.” Virgil then quickly moved on, asking Remy something but Remus tuned out again. Was Virgil disappoint with the lack of romance in their relationship? He’s never said anything directly, but why would he bring us Roman proposing on a romantic holiday if not to tell Remus that's what he wanted? Were there any other hints? Was there-

“Remus.” Remus snapped up to Janus’ gleaming eyes. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth. I think my boyfriend was in the right vein,” Remus responded. Janus simply waved dismissively as he went silent, thinking. Almost a moment later, a light bulb flipped on above his head.

“Do you plan on proposing to Virgil?”

“Janus!” Roman said, looking to his fiancé in exasperation.

“It’s a harmless question!” The two bickered slightly, nothing heated but a simply back and forth.

“You don’t have to answer,” Virgil said in a low tone. He had been trying to catch Remus’ eyes, who was just as determined to avoid Virgil’s. Eventually, the smaller man grabbed his chin so they could look into his eyes. “I’m serious. I don’t want you to feel pressured. I love you, okay?”

“I love you too.”

Despite Virgil’s reassurance, Remus was deeply fixated on the thoughts of marriage and if he was enough for Virgil. Virgil liked romance and dancing in the rain and visiting fancy restaurants. Remus liked staying inside and horror films and going to graveyards to adopt ghosts (which scared Virgil so much he learnt how to banish spirits from the house). Remus couldn’t help but feel like maybe, just maybe, Virgil was better off without him? 

He spun in his chair. He was unable to focus on the novel he was writing anymore. Virgil was at work and wouldn’t be back for ages. Despite trying to work, Remus was now fixated on rings. The truth was, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Virgil but he didn’t see why he needed to buy him a ring or spend thousands of dollars on a wedding to prove his devotion. They bought an apartment together, they had three pissy spirits that they took care of together, and the stray cat that would jump in their window. But if Virgil wanted it, well, who was Remus to say no?

Engagement ring shopping sucked. Plain and simple, it sucked. There were so many different cuts but they all looked so basic. Virgil wasn’t the type to wear flashy jewellery unless it meant something, like the dangly gold earring Remus bough him when he got his masters in psychology. Remus wanted something classy, but all something showed how much Remus knew Virgil, right down to his core. He thought about going to a jewellery shop or hiring someone but how on earth would he be able to explain that to Virgil? In the end, he chose the least expensive route; his brother.

“How do you pick an engagement ring?” Roman choked on his coffee. “What?”

“Try and maybe start a conversation with hello and maybe not something you have never mentioned before now,” Roman said. “But also, why the change in pace?” Remus didn’t say anything. “Is it Janus? he was only messing. He just doesn’t get it sometimes but I told him he need to respect your boundaries-”

“It’s not that.” Roman went quiet, letting his brother speak when comfortable. “I don’t want Virgil to regret being with me. I know that he doesn’t say it but he really likes all the romantic garbage you and Janus do.”

“Remus, Virgil may like romance but he loves you. Plain and simple. But I am your brother and I will support you, so if you need help finding a ring, I will help you,” Roman said sincerely.

“Ugh, you’re so boring and regal. Lighten up. Walk on the gory side.” Roman chuckled.

“I’ll tune it down, but just because you’re my baby brother.”

“Two MINUTES. I AM TWO MINUTES-” Roman burst into laughter, meaning anyone in the cafe who wasn’t staring due to Remus’ screeching, was now looking due to roman’s cackling. 

“Come, little wittle Remus, let’s go ring shopping.”

Remus paid for the ring in cash. He had been taking money out of the account for weeks in preparation. Well, a week. Still, he had it all planned out. He could suck it up for a night. 

He was spreading flowers on the floor when he noticed the dull ache in his chest. Tell-tale signs of a panic attack. Remus paused before moving to sit down. He closed his eyes and repeated his breathing exercises. He could do this. It’s what Virgil wanted. He stood up again, the dull ache turning into a slight pressure. He lit the candles, checked on the food and cleaned up. It was about half six when he realised, he was struggling to breath. Almost as soon as he noticed, the elephant on his chest returned. He backed up, sliding down the wall.

“no... no... not tonight...” He muttered under his breath. He tried to breath but he realised he was struggling. Why tonight. why was he getting a panic attack tonight? it was just one dinner!

“Re- REMUS!” Virgil said, coming in and sitting in front of his boyfriend. “Can I touch you?” Remus shook his head frantically. “Okay, it’s okay, breath with me okay?” Virgil took his boyfriend through his breathing exercises. “Okay, Rem, I need you to name five things you can see.”

“Chair, lights... uh... you, the table... uh, uhm-” Remus swallowed. “And tiles...”

“Okay, four things you can hear.”

“My breathing, your breathing, the neighbours... the oven?” Virgil reached behind him, switching off the oven. 

“Okay, three things you can feel.”

“The floor, my shirt... uhm... sweat?”

“Okay, two things you can taste.”

“Impending doom.” Virgil gave him a look. “Uh, tea and sugar.”

“Okay, finally, one thing you can smell.”

“The candles.” Virgil stood up, switching on the light and blowing out the candles. He finally took in the scene of the room. Remus tried to stand up but was quickly placed down in one of their dining chairs.

“Remus, do you wanna talk about it?” Remus sighed.

“I just... I wanted to plan this big romantic night and I know you like romance but it's just so icky that I must of have been panicked and-” Remus paused, meeting his boyfriend’s eyes. “Look, I know you like romance and I’m sure you’re disappointed I’m not.”

“Remus. I like romance, but I love you.” Remus blinked at him. “I knew what I was getting into when we entered this relationship. You never, ever have to change your boundaries to suit me. Remus, I love you, for you. I know you don’t like romance or pda, but I know that you love me.” Remus didn’t notice he was crying till Virgil wiped the tears from his face. He pressed their foreheads together. “I love you. So much. Romance or not.” Remus held onto his boyfriend. “But I need you to promise to never break your own boundaries for me. I respect the boundaries you put up, and I need you to do the same.”

“I promise.” Virgil smiled and Remus was hit with how overwhelmingly lucky he was to have gotten someone like Virgil to love him. “Ugh,” he groaned. Virgil chuckled.

“What’s up buttercup?”

“Roman was right. I don’t like this timeline.” Virgil just tossed his head back and laughed as Remus whined.

Remus did end up proposing that night. They were watching a horror film and Virgil was critiquing the characters decision when Remus suddenly turned to him.

“I’m just saying, choosing to go down to the creepy basement when you know there’s a serial killer on the loose-”

“Marry me.” Virgil stopped, looking over at his boyfriend. He wasn’t down on one knee but there was a ring in his hands. Virgil’s hand flew to his mouth. “marry me.” Remus sat up. 

“You’re not just doing this for me?” he asked, still in a state of shock.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and if this is the next step? then I’m going for it.” Virgil jumped up, wrapping his arms around Remus, already crying.

“Yes, yes, yes! Oh my god, yes!” He pulled back, letting Remus slip on the ring before launching himself and his boyfriend and smashing their lips together. It was here that Virgil, admiring his ring with awe filled eyes, also realised how lucky he was for getting someone like Remus to love him too.

me, after reading a post about beta readers: wow, maybe i should get one to fix all my grammar mistakes and get feedback from

me:

me: oh wait, i actually have to write for the need to be there 

sorry for my silence y’all.I have been working on new stuff but I literally just sent off an application for a position I have been wanting and working for the last six years so I was uber focused on that. I am back now and if y’all could keep me in your prayers, that would be great lmao. But expect new stuff soon!

Roman: met a dumbass today, awful

Virgil, not looking up from his phone: you looked in the mirror?

Roman, look at Virgil dead in the face: someday you will have to answer for your actions and god may not be so merciful.

do i wanna write angsy anxceit where two idiots attend a wedding of their ex or do i wanna write fluffy dukexiety one shot where they have their first kiss?

more texting conversations

Roman: How many bodies you got?

Patton: 10!

Roman: lmao, patton is wild

Patton: yeah, i love all my friends

Virgil: does he- is no one gonna tell him?

Remus: i also have ten (:

*five minutes of silence in the gc*

Janus: and welcome back, guys gals and non-binary pals, to another round of does remus mean murder, s*x or something complete random! Who’s placing bets?!

Logan: 100% murder

Virgil: no, its deffo something random

Remus: Technically, you’re both right but I’m gonna say Virgil’s right but only cause Logan is too insufferable when he’s right

*ten minutes later*

Patton: WAIT ‘BODIES‘ IS TO DO WITH S*X??

Roman: YES. WHY ARE YOU CONFUSED BY THIS?!

what if the orange side is just like,,, thomas

he’s been holding himself back all this time

can we??? someone give op the talking piece!!!

What if I went and hosted a Dukexiety week with like prompts for each day? Would anyone be interested in that? Would anyone actually do it?

attention accepting deceit/janus fans: i have a question

( @ab-artist @theyluna-womoon @knine-nights)

hello, I need to know if y’all want one last chapter or do you want me to leave the story where it is and officially call it finished? please just post it in the comments or reblog with you answer

me: omg, i should write a sander sides fic

my work: or :) you could work a six hour shift :) and then come home :) and do another three hours of training :) COMPLETELY FREE :) but if you don’t do it :) we will call you out in the work group chat :)

me:

Virgil, a tired Gay

Remus, from the next room over: hey!

Virgil, taking off his headphones: what?!

Remus: I’m homicidal!

Virgil: did you say homicidal or s*icidal?!

Remus: Homicidal!

Virgil, sighing loudly: Good! Keep it that way!

might fuxk around and post a slow burn anxceit fic

anyway. send me prompts. i’m bored and feeling creative

Words: a lot idk (2,930) Characters: Logan, Roman, Patton, Virgil, Janus, Remus Pairings: Patton and Virgil are brothers (pat is older), the creative twins are, you guessed it, twins with Logan as their older brother, platonic and romantic dukexiety and roceit Trigger warnings: curses (minor), pain, pineapple on pizza (yes, disgusting, ik)

Virgil felt it the second his brain was connected, the dull ache in his right hip. He barely managed to let out a groan, trying to shift off his bad hip and onto his back. He let out a sharp breath as he hit his back. It was one of those days.

He hated those days.

The days when he was all but reduced to his bed before the sharp pain in his hip refused to be quelled. He knows he should get up, to try and stretch it out, but the very thought makes him nauseous.

“Kiddo?” He groans. “You okay?” Patton opens the door slowly, peeking in at the boy. “Bad day?” Virgil nodded and he’d never been so glad to have a brother like Patton. Patton, of course, was aware of these bad days. When Virgil was 10, he got diagnosed with a rare bone condition that affected his bones and left him in so much pain, to the degree that he was basically immobile for a year. He got over the condition fine with a lot of medicine but with lack of mobility for a crucial year in his growth, his muscle weakened and got inflamed a lot, meaning he was constantly on new exercise regimes to re-stretch and re-work the muscles into submission. His right hip muscles, the ones joining his two bones, was currently inflamed and was sticking his bones (Though this confused Patton, wasn’t that what connective muscles were supposed to do?)

“I really just want to sleep all day,” Virgil said.

“We both know I don’t want to give you The Speech,” Patton said, causing Virgil to groan loudly.

“Please, not the speech.” Patton chuckled. 

“How about a compromise?”

“No,” Virgil whined. “Your compromises suck! it's like ‘do these tiresome, painfully stretches for like an hour and then I’ll give you an extra five minutes for a nap’. I would rather The Speech.”

“In that case-”

“No! I was joking, not The Speech,” Virgil said. ‘The Speech’ was an inside joke among the two. When their parents passed away, Virgil was barely 17, so 20-year-old Patton had to help Virgil navigate all his pain alone, with only Logan, Patton’s boyfriend, as a supporter. On one of Virgil’s bad days, he had tried to rouse Virgil to get through his exercise by saying anything and everything off the top of his head. When he was about ten minutes in, Virgil had snapped, saying; “Fine! I’ll do the exercise, just please, Pat, for the love of God, shut up!”. Since then, ‘The Speech’ had been the threat to get Virgil out of bed. Virgil sighed, bringing Patton back to the moments.

“Okay then, smarty-pants, how about I help you through your exercises and then we can chill for the day, I’ll even call off work.” Virgil looked like he battling himself. One side of him wanted to be selfish and spend the day with his brother, but he also knew that his brother didn’t get a lot of days off. Patton seemed to sense this. “Or, I can sit in my office all day and spam you with texts, getting no work done.” Virgil smiled before extending his hands. Patton helped him sit up, carefully and slowly, making sure not to bother the hip too much. He helped Virgil lie down on the floor (the bed was too soft and would mould to his back, meaning he wouldn’t be able to accurately do a lot of the exercises). He placed a pillow under his head, stuck on a playlist, and started the exercises.

“I hate this, I want to stop.” Patton continued to hold Virgil’s leg in place (his right ankle was placed on his left knee, and his legs were drawn up, forcing his right hip to rotate.)

“10 more seconds,” Patton said. “5, 4, 3, 2, 1, ″ Slowly, his leg was lowered back down. Virgil let out a large breath. “Only four more exercises to go.” Virgil shook his head, tears springing to his eyes.

“pat please, I can’t do five more.” Patton gently took his brother's face in his hands.

“You’ve done the hard ones, Virge, and you’ve done so well. C’mon, you only have to do three reps of thirty seconds for each one.” Virgil let out a shaky breath, a few tears escaping his eyes, which were quickly wiped away by Patton’s thumbs. “Come on, we can do this.” Virgil snorted slightly.

“This isn’t a ‘we’ situation, Pat, I don’t see you crying from pain,” he joked. Patton would be offended, he’s tempted to pretend to be, but he knows Virgil hates feeling vulnerable and uses humour to cope.

“Well, I don’t see you having to threaten your baby sibling to do his exercises,” Patton said, helping Virgil through the next exercise (place his right thigh over his left, and angling his knee at ninety degrees to stretch the muscle).

“’m not a baby,” Virgil said.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over your baby speak,” Patton said, letting go of Virgil’s leg to stretch it between exercises.

“I’m a man,” Virgil said, making his voice deep to hear his brother laugh. Patton shook his head, re-positioning his leg for him.

“Sure, you are. I’m sure big bad men have to have their crusts cut off their sandwiches.”

“No one wants to eat hard bread, Patton,” Virgil said.

“Is that so, Virgil?” Virgil nodded before he flopped his leg out of his brothers’ hands.

“Why are you positioning my leg for me, I’m not paralysed.”

“I don’t trust you to not give up early,” Patton said immediately. Virgil let out a scandalised gasp.

“Oi! You’re right, but hey!” Patton laughed, picking back up his brother's leg and finished the last exercise on his back. 

“Okay, turn over. You’re gonna have to hold these yourself,” Patton said.

“I thought you said you’d help me!” Virgil whined.

“I basically just did your exercises for you!”

“Basically and literally are not the same thing,” Virgil said. “You’re dating Logan, you should know this!” 

“Hush you, and finish up, I’m hungry.”

“And I’m not?” Patton gave Virgil ‘The Look’. Virgil sighed. “I’m sorry for taking my frustrations out on you, that isn’t fair.”

“Thank you. And I’m sorry if I’m making you feel rushed.” Virgil sighed.

“It's fine. And hey, only two more to do.” Patton nodded. The hardest, by far, was the first one. it was an awkward position, making it hard to take deep breaths, and it hurt the most. Patton coached him through his last two before Virgil sighed, flopping down onto the ground. “That sucked.”

“Pancakes?”

“Uh, yes. With blueberries?”

“And maple syrup.” Virgil hollered before slowly standing up. He walked (hobbled) down the stairs and into the kitchen. “So, coffee?” Virgil nodded using a chair to lift himself onto the counter, not trusting his arms or hip. Patton grabbed a glass and a pain pill before handing both to his brother. “30 minutes before your meal please.” Virgil rolled his eyes but took the pill and swallowed it down. Patton began on the batter, getting all the ingredients into the bowl before handing it to his brother. “I’m gonna call work on the landline.”

“What excuse you gonna use.”

“I’m deciding between ‘I’m sick’ or ‘fuck you and your contract hours, I got more important shit to do’. Which is more convincing?” Virgil laughed.

“That’s two dollars in the swear jar.”

“How many times have I forgiven you curses?”

“Me? Curse? I’m an angel.”

“No, you’re a pain in the behind.”

“Pattooooooon!” Patton shook his head and grabbed the landline. 

“Mix,” he instructed before dialling the number and leaving the room. Virgil stuck his tongue out at his brother but began mixing.

“Alexa, play Patton’s breakfast tunes at volume 4 please.”

“Playing ‘Patton’s breakfast tunes’ on Spotify now,” The machine replied. ‘Dog Days Are Over’ by Florence + the machine began to play through the kitchen speakers. Virgil had just about combined the ingredients by the time Patton came back. 

“Any troubles?”

“Nope, Jessie answered the phone, and he’s chill with anything. He said he'd called Katie and she could take my shift, I just had to take her shift next Tuesday but I definitely needed to be in tomorrow - something about a big meeting, ah well.” Patton said. “This looks nearly ready. Finish that off, imma just get the pan.” Patton walked away before noticing the clock. “Later than I thought,” He mumbled. Virgil looked at the clock. It was about half one.

“How long did I sleep for?”

“I went to wake you at like half twelve, so I guess the timing does make sense.” Virgil nodded, handing the mixed batter to his brother. The two silently made breakfast - well, Patton made breakfast, humming alone to his playlist, while Virgil watched before getting up and setting the table. He yawned again, the pain in his hip moving from a stabbing pain to a dull ache. He plopped down on his chair - the only chair with a cushion for times like these. Patton smiled, handing him his plate as the two tucked into their lunch. Virgil had tried to offer to clean up, but Patton insisted he stayed sitting.

“It hurts whether I stand, lay or sit,” Virgil said. “I might as well help.”

“It's okay, I can handle this.” Virgil sighed but moved to the sitting room, setting up Disney+ on the TV. “What are we watching?” Patton asked, returning to the sitting room.

“Princess and the Frog?” Patton giggled.

“You just wanna stare at Prince Naveen,” Patton teased, handing Virgil an ice pack.

“Well, duh,” Virgil said. “Also, the songs are awesome.”

“Can’t argue there.”

-x-

The credits rolled around 4 pm and Patton was napping on Virgil’s shoulder as Virgil had switched off the current move for Black Cauldron. Patton stirred awake slowly at around 5 pm.

“Oh shoot, what time is it?” Virgil looked up at the clock beside him.

“About 5 past 5.” Patton nodded before sitting up and stretching. “What has you so tired?”

“Stayed up watching Parks and Rec,” Patton said.

“Haven’t you memorised that show by now?”

“Just about-” The doorbell rang, causing Patton to pause. Confusion took over his face before he cursed.

“Damn it, I forgot I asked Logan to come over yesterday for dinner,” Patton said and this was followed by more intense doorbell ringing. Virgil groaned.

“And I was supposed to go to the movies with the twins and Janus!” They both looked at each other, debating whether to open the door before a key turned in the lock. “Logan has a key?!”

“No!” Patton said. “I just, uh, told him where the spare key was.” Virgil shook his head but soon the house filled with Janus, Remus and Roman, screaming and Virgil for not responding to their texts and Logan asking Patton if he was ready to go to dinner. The group entered the room, noticing the two boys' guilty faces.

“Uh, Lo, about tonight-”

“No Pat, you go, I can, uh, just watch a movie and order pizza,” Virgil said.

“Virge-”

“It’s fine pat, I’ll take another pill and-”

“Oh, is your hip acting up again?” Logan asked and Virgil’s face burned. He kinda maybe hadn’t told the others about his hip issues. In his defence, he hadn’t had a bad blow out in months and it usually only lasted for two to three months maybe twice a year. He was also good and hiding bad days but today was too bad to hide.

“Your... hip?” Roman asked, looking down to the melted ice pack. Patton looked at Virgil and quickly realised he hasn’t told them.

“Yeah, he’s got a bad bruise there!” Patton said, trying to cover for him.

“Oh, okay,” Roman said. Logan shook his head.

“No, this is the muscle issues caused by his childhood condition. Why are you lying Patton?” Logan asked. Virgil wanted to bury himself further into his hoodie but he couldn’t because that would involve moving his hips.

“Logan,” Patton said softly, taking the boys arm. “let’s go to the kitchen?”

“Oh no, I said something-”

“No, sweetheart, it's okay.” Patton took the melted ice pack, gave Virgil a look that said ‘call me if you get scared’, and gently guided Logan into the kitchen. There was silence in the room.

“So,” Janus said.

“What did Logan mean?”

“Funny story actually, so uh, I had this like... bone thing when I was and it meant I was in a lot of pain so I didn’t really walk, like, at all for a year. It went away which is good, but it means that because of that, my muscles are weak and just like, throw up a fuss a lot, so it’s sort of a bitch and there’s nothing I can do a lot of the time. On bad days, I just have to stay put and not move for as long as possible.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Janus asked and Virgil couldn’t meet his eyes, he just couldn’t.

“Uh well, with Patton, it just sometimes feels like it’s all we talk about and with you guys-” he gestures to where he thinks they’re standing "- It’s different. Because you didn’t know, you weren’t always asking me and while I love it when Pat does it, it makes me feel overwhelmed and like the only thing people see is this ‘poor kid’. I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s all I’ve got.”

“Well, if I’m honest, I’m not mad. I’m a little upset you didn’t trust us-”

“It’s not about trust. I trust you all with my life, but it’s... it’s different. I know you all wouldn’t see me differently but... I don’t know how to explain it, it’s like, I know, logically, it wouldn’t change anything, but there are days like these where I am not fun to be around and am in bad moods, and people take that personal. Or people think I’m lying because I could go nearly a year without my muscles getting inflamed. It’s not a constant pain, it’s more of a recurring problem with my muscles that gives me pain.” There was silence,

“I know you’re very anxious right now, but I hope you know you’re a dumbass,” Remus said. “What?! He is sometimes.”

“What Remus is trying to say-”

“I know what I said Jan,” Remus pointed out.

“Shut up, you loch ness monster,” Roman said.

“Okay, Prince Charming from Shrek,” Remus said.

“Very specific insult must’ve taken you months due to a lack of brain cells,” Roman quipped back.

“At least I haven’t got your face!”

“We’re twins-”

“I have a moustache-”

“I will kill you-”

“I’d like to see you try-”

“GUYS!” Janus said, shouting over the pair. “Ignore those two dumbasses, we know this is a scary thing so we’re - well, I’m not mad. I get why you didn’t say anything.”

“It’s like, the less I talk about it, the less I’m worried about it,” Virgil explained.

“Okay, now that I get,” Remus said.

“You’re a dunce,” Roman said, shaking his head. “But yes, hot topic, we’re not mad. Also, the movie we were going to see what awful, why did you let Janus pick?”

“Because it was my turn.”

“Well, who wants to watch a movie about cults?”

“For the love of god Remus, a ‘cult classic’ doesn’t mean an actual cult,” Janus said, holding his head in frustration.

“Sounds fake, but okay,” Remus said, trying to get a rouse out of the other two, who were staring at him dumbfounded. he winked at Virgil causing the boy to laugh.

“You are a dunce,” Virgil said.

“Noooo, don’t say that you have to love me!” Remus said, throwing himself (somewhat carefully) onto the emo.

“Get off me,” Virgil said, laughing. Patton reappeared with cups and soft drinks at that moment.

“Okay, since Logi-bear-” the twins giggled at the nickname, but were met with Logan’s glare behind Patton’s back “-was your ride, we figured we’d order pizza and watch movies here.”

“Sounds good,” they all said.

“As long as Virgil and Remus share a pizza. Virgil will want peppers and Remus will want pineapple and I was that kind of neggies vibes AWAY from me,” Roman said dramatically. Both boys giggled.

“That’s okay with us, princy.”

-x-

It was an hour later by the time their four pizzas arrived - Logan and Patton’s vegetarian, Janus and Roman with a chicken, pepperoni and mushrooms and finally with Virgil and Remus’ Hawaiian pizza with chicken and peppers. It wasn’t until they were all curled up (Logan resting his head on Patton’s shoulder, their hands intertwined, Roman with his head on Janus’ lap as the boy played with his hair and Virgil on Remus’ lap) and safe that Virgil let the relief and love that surrounded the room.

Yeah, he hated those days, but he loved his friends. He loved Patton, and Logan, because they had always felt like his parents. He loved Janus, who always knew the right thing to say, and Roman, who always knew the right thing to get Virgil out of his head, and Remus, who knew how to make him laugh so hard he forgets to breathe.

“Why have you got that dumb face?” Remus asked.

“My face isn’t dumb,” Virgil whispered back. Remus rolled his eyes. Virgil only smiled, letting the sleepiness catch up as he fell asleep.

Today wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be.

Uh,, so this was my rant post and also a lil’ one shot i had. It’s based on personal experience, so if it’s confusing, sorry. I spend like a week on this lol, so enjoy!

SEND ME A SHIP AND A NUMBER AND I'LL WRITE A SHORT FIC

soulmates au

childhood best friends au

teacher/student au

teacher/single parent au

one night stand and falling pregnant au

meeting at a coffee shop au

fake relationship au

roommates au

meeting online au

high school popular kid/nerd au

partners in crime au

writer and editor au

co-stars au

lab partners au

meeting in the E.R/A&E au

brand new neighbours au

meeting at a party whilst drunk au

waking up with amnesia au

parents meeting when they take their kids to class au

dysfunctional relationship au

best friends sibling au 

two miserable people meeting at a wedding au

meeting on a train ride au

literally bumping into each other au

librarian/avid reader au

sitting on the same park bench au

meeting at a support group au

knocking on the wrong door au

going away to war au

tourist/knowledgeable local au

prostitute/client au

doctor/companion au

celebrity/fan au

meeting at a masquerade ball au

one of them trying to get the other one off of drugs au

living in a society where their love is taboo au

meeting in prison au

cop/person getting a speeding ticket au

long distance relationship au

exes meeting again after not speaking for years au

ghost/living person au

star-crossed lovers au

falling in love with their best friend’s partner au

one of them being diagnosed with a terminal illness au

pretending to hate each other au

nanny/single parent au

meeting at a festival au

meeting again at a high school reunion au

boss/intern au

going through a divorce au

I just- thank you so much!! So is yours!!

Part 1/2

Pairing: Dukexiety, mentioned moceit and intrulogical Words: 1993 Genre: heavy angst (self deprecation, feeling unlovable, heart break), mentions of smut, mentions of foot

“Oh emo~” Virgil spun around, noticing Remus has managed to get into his room without alerting him. “There you are.” He started walking forward but Virgil jumped back.

“Remus? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, emo, don’t be act like a deer hit by a car, we’re friends, so of course I’ll wanna check in!” There was a glint in eyes, and something told Virgil he should run. Another pat of him didn’t want to.

“F-friends?” This didn’t make sense. Remus should hate him. He was so… “But I was so mean, I left and-”

“Water under the bridge.”

“No Remus, please, I should apologise, I was going to-”

“Virgie-”

“I’m so sorry, I was so scared they’d hate me-”

“Virge-”

“I thought if they liked me, then they’d warm up to you-”

“Virgil!” The dark cloud that had begun to form around the anxious side slowly began to fade away. He looked up, tears streaming down his face, ruining his eyeshadow. “Water under the bridge.”

“I don’t deserve that, though,” Virgil said. Remus opened his mouth, but Virgil put up his hands. “I need to apologise. Properly.” He took a shaky breath, wiping his eyes with his hoodie. “I am sorry. I was so mean to you and Janus. There’s no excuse, and I would completely understand if neither of you spoke to me again. There’s no changing what I said and did, I know that.” He takes another deep breath. “I was desperate to fit in and I let their opinions cloud mine. I’m sorry.” Remus was quiet, uncharacteristically so. He moved over closer to Virgil again, and this time the anxious side didn’t jump back.

“Water under the bridge.” He was getting closer and the glint in his eyes was spreading. “Tickle me emo, let’s say I was mad at you, do you think I would be here?” Virgil shook his head, unable to form a single sentence. “You’ve been so stressed, I’ve noticed. Now that Thomas had… reluctantly accepted me as part of his mind, I think it’s time we had a chat.”

“Chat?”

“As your aware, Roman’s creativity is a lot more, PG13 than mine,” Remus said. “Ya know, unicorns and dragons, mine, however,” A grin was spreading over his face. He was in Virgil’s personal space now. Virgil tried to take a step back, but we met with the wall. “Is a little more, 18 and over. You know, I’m more of the kinky one.” Virgil gulped. “And I’ve noticed none of you really like to, what’s the word? Indulge yourselves, you especially, little emo.”

“Remus-”

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m not here to judge.” His arms were on either side of Virgil’s head, caging him. “You always seem so pent up and stressed. It worries everyone because, when you relax, Thomas does too. The others tend to let you de-stress by yourself, but that hasn’t been working, has it?” Virgil felt he should lie and shake his head but the look in Remus’ eyes today him that he could see right through him. He nodded. “Then, I thought, maybe I can help?” Virgil’s breath caught in his throat. No matter how many times he imagined a situation like this, he still didn’t understand how it could be happening.

For as long as he remembered, it’s always been Remus. Ever since he first met him, after the split. Yes, he terrified the life out of him, but he listened. He always knew how to read Virgil like no one else could, and that both terrified him and interested him. 

But then he’d left. He’s said horrible things because he was scared and stupid, begging for approval. He’d hurt Remus. Yet here he was, caging Virgil him, forcing him to come face to face with his feelings.

“R-Remus…” His voice was so soft and strained, and his face was red. “I don’t know… I don’t know what you-”

“Oh, I think you do.” Virgil felt Remus’ knee nudge between his legs and Virgil panted. Holy fuck. “I think you know exactly what I’m trying to say.” Virgil found himself nodding, his eyes fluttering closed, head fallen back. “Ah ah, I need you to look at me.” A hand on his chin brought his face back down, his eyes locking with Remus’. “I need an answer.” At his silence, Remus moved to his neck, sucking, and biting gently.

“Maybe… maybe we shouldn’t do- fuck, rem…”

“Tell me to go.” Their eyes met. “Tell me you don’t want this, and I’ll leave.” Virgil blinked.

“I…” He panted as he shifted, feeling Remus’ leg between his. “I can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

“Tell you that.”

“And why is that.” It would be a lie. Remus was smirking. “So, is that a yes?”

“Yes.” Remus smirked, leaning in and their lips mushed together. Virgil’s heart was pounding. He was becoming a tad overwhelmed but he would rather die than stop this. After years of pining, Remus was kissing him, and holding his and- 

He broke the kiss to pant as Remus moved his leg. The side smirked.

“C’mon emo, let’s go lie down.” Virgil only nodded, following Remus’ lead and lying down. Remus climbed on top of him. “You still look so nerveous. Do you want to back out?” ‘This is your chance to say no.’ But he didn’t want to.

“N-no- I just…” Virgil groaned as Remus’ lips resumed their exploration. “I want this.” Remus’ face reappeared, a wolfish grin on his face.

“Good, little emo.” Their lips met in a soft, quick kiss. “Very good.”

Virgil woke up alone. This didn’t hurt (he swears he didn’t), Remus was a busy person, dammit. Despite how hard he tried, Virgil couldn’t avoid the dumb smile that split his face. Remus. He had… Did this mean he liked him? For once, Virgil’s mind wasn’t plagued by anxiety. For once, the crushing pain on his chest lifted. 

“Hey Virge?” Patton knocked on his door. “You up?” Virgil, realising he was still naked (no, he did not blush {he did}) and quickly grabbed a shirt and a pair of boxers.

“Yeah, popstar, give me two seconds, I’m changing!” He grabbed his hoodie and his jeans and put them on quickly. He moved over to the door, swinging it open with a small smile. “Hey.” Patton smiled, holding up two plates.

“Everyone seems to have disappeared, so I was just coming round to see if you wanted to have dinner with me?” Virgil nodded. 

“’course. Here or..?”

“I figured we could use the communal area, as long as we don’t spill it on the couch, Lo won’t know,” Patton said, giggling. The two synced out and synced back into the common room. “Movie?”

“Oh, hell yeah. We haven’t hung out in a while; we should make an evening of it.” Patton smiled so wide, cause Virgil to chuckle. 

“Black Cauldron?” Virgil nodded at the two snuggled down. Midway through the movie, after the plates were pushed aside, Virgil glanced over at Patton, smiling. He blinked and for a second, he could’ve sworn he saw Janus, not Patton. He blinked, returning his eyes to his lap as a shame seemed to creep over him. The things he’d said and done to Janus… He moved his gaze from lap to the Tv. He would apologise, and maybe, just maybe, the other side would forgive him

The movie night ended later than expected. After Black Cauldron, they decided on Toy Story (Patton cried), then Brave (Virgil spoke in a Scottish accent until Patton cried laughing) and finally Moana (Virgil cried a little bit). It was late and Virgil knew he had to go to sleep. He had been hoping Remus would show up, but he knows he can’t get overly dependent on the creative side, it wouldn’t be healthy. So, he simply decided he would talk to him tomorrow. As they were retreating to their rooms, Patton pat him on the shoulder.

“I just wanted to say that I’m glad you seem a bit more relaxed-” (Virgil willed himself not to blush because he did not want to explain that) “- but I wanted to let you know that if you ever need me, I’m here to talk.” Virgil nodded. Patton smiled, beginning to walk away.

“Hey Pat?” Patton turned around. “You and Janus are… a thing, right?” Patton tensed slightly, preparing himself for where this might go. “I just… god that sounds condescending. I wanted to tell you that…” Virgil took a deep breath, taking Patton’s outstretched hands, squeezing them slightly. “I wanted to let you know that I’m really happy for you.” Patton’s eyes filled with tears and even Virgil couldn’t resist pulling him into a hug. It was warm and sweet.

“I- Thank you, Virgil!” Virgil smiled.

“It’s the least I can do, Popstar.”

The next morning, Virgil felt like a man on a mission. He would find Remus and they would talk about… that night. He got dressed, put on his make up before heading to the common room. Logan was already there, reading a book. Virgil smiled at him before going to get a cup of coffee.

“You’re up unusually early, Virgil,” Logan said. “Did you actually wake up early or did you never go to sleep?”

“Nah, I slept, I’ve just got something I needed to do today, so I guess I couldn’t sleep in.”

“Oh, something important? If so maybe talking to someone or, as the ‘youths’ would put it, spilling the tea, might help you come up with a plan to achieve said mission.” Virgil chuckled at him slightly before going over to the couch, carrying a mug for himself and Logan.

“Uh, I wanted to talk to Remus actually. I slept in late yesterday, so I didn’t see him. I was just gonna ask him something,” Virgil said.

“if knowing his location helps, he is in my room.” Virgil choked on his coffee. “Or at least, he was when I awoke.”

“Sorry,” Virgil said, coughing and wiping up the spilt coffee. “Did he sleep over…? I didn’t realise you were that close of friends.”

“Well, we’re all factors of Thomas’ mind. He said I needed to relax, which honestly was a little rude,” Logan said and alarm bells started going off in Virgil’s head. “So we, uhm, had intercourse.”

Sometimes, there’s moments where you can actually feel everything crashing around you. All the ideas and notions, crashing and shattering. Like a broken mirror, or a broken heart. 

Logan’s mouth was moving but Virgil couldn’t hear him and he was beginning to blur due to the tears in his eyes.

‘I’m so stupid.’ Virgil couldn’t move. He couldn’t feel his limbs. ‘I’m so stupid. Why would he ever… Of course, he didn’t like me. He was just taking one for the team.’

“Virgil, why are you crying? Has something happened or are you experiencing a panic attack?” He could hear more voices, as more people came into the room, but he couldn’t decipher one from the other.

‘I’m so pathetic. Why are you surprised? of course he doesn’t like you. He barely tolerates you. You are-’

“What’s got the emo so upset?” Virgil’s eyes, almost subconsciously, locked with Remus’. There was no glint, no warmth. They were just eyes. He never realised just how stupid he could be. 

Without a word and without explanation, he sunk out, his mug slipping out of his hand and smashing to the ground. He moved to his room, closing the door, and locking it, letting the tears fall. The dark cloud was surrounding him. He deserved this. He moved to his bed, ignoring the knocking at the shouting. He sobbed, letting all of his emotions out.

Of course, Remus would never love him. He was too emotional. He was too anxious. And he had hurt Remus. He didn’t deserve it. 

Lying in his bed, his pillow wet with tears and snot, he realised that he was just unlovable.