Duke Remus - Tumblr Posts

I would like for people to tag stuff like unsympathetic patton / logan / roman as Well please since those can cause huge uncomfort as Well, as much as people Dont like remus i would like to be warned when people write angst about patton abusing him, Also tag your romantic remrom Cus to most That shit can be nasty

Dear Sanders Sides Fans

I’m not begrudging you, I love this fandom. I love Thomas and Joan and all the light they bring to the world but can I please ask—

Can you please, please tag your triggering content when it comes to Remus? As someone who suffers from intrusive thoughts, I have used Thomas’ advice to try and get a better handle on my own, but sometimes, I will run by posts, that are very graphic and will set off my intrusive thoughts very badly, specifically for graphic bodily harm, specifically to the eyes. And they will not have any tags that I can block or any way to warn me of the content I’m seeing before it just shows up on my dashboard. 

I’m not trying to be mean or anything, I have just had it happen enough times to the point where I felt the need to say something. Please, please, please tag your gore when it comes to Remus, or any character. 

Regards. 

Patton: There’s only one thing worse than an hater *removes paper above hater to reveal Virgil, making it ‘Virgil Hater’*

Deceit and Remus: UH Virgil!

Logan, Patton and Roman: No-

Roman: Sorry about that, I lost my cool there

Remus: you can’t lose something you don’t have

Virgil: I have a spider, she’s clearly superior!

Remus: my rat is so much better than a puny spider!

Patton: my frog is literally adorable!

Janus: my pet snake could eat all of your pets, therefore its the best!

Roman: well, i have a Logan so i win!

all sides: *nod in agreement*

Logan, blushing: I-

the fic i had planned for remus’ birthday is just sitting in my drafts because i hated it and then i wrote a new ship fic with remus thats a two parter but it has nothing to do with his birthday. do y’all want a birthday fic, or a ship fic?

Part 1/2

Pairing: Dukexiety, mentioned moceit and intrulogical Words: 1993 Genre: heavy angst (self deprecation, feeling unlovable, heart break), mentions of smut, mentions of foot

“Oh emo~” Virgil spun around, noticing Remus has managed to get into his room without alerting him. “There you are.” He started walking forward but Virgil jumped back.

“Remus? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, emo, don’t be act like a deer hit by a car, we’re friends, so of course I’ll wanna check in!” There was a glint in eyes, and something told Virgil he should run. Another pat of him didn’t want to.

“F-friends?” This didn’t make sense. Remus should hate him. He was so... “But I was so mean, I left and-”

“Water under the bridge.”

“No Remus, please, I should apologise, I was going to-”

“Virgie-”

“I’m so sorry, I was so scared they’d hate me-”

“Virge-”

“I thought if they liked me, then they’d warm up to you-”

“Virgil!” The dark cloud that had begun to form around the anxious side slowly began to fade away. He looked up, tears streaming down his face, ruining his eyeshadow. “Water under the bridge.”

“I don’t deserve that, though,” Virgil said. Remus opened his mouth, but Virgil put up his hands. “I need to apologise. Properly.” He took a shaky breath, wiping his eyes with his hoodie. “I am sorry. I was so mean to you and Janus. There’s no excuse, and I would completely understand if neither of you spoke to me again. There’s no changing what I said and did, I know that.” He takes another deep breath. “I was desperate to fit in and I let their opinions cloud mine. I’m sorry.” Remus was quiet, uncharacteristically so. He moved over closer to Virgil again, and this time the anxious side didn’t jump back.

“Water under the bridge.” He was getting closer and the glint in his eyes was spreading. “Tickle me emo, let’s say I was mad at you, do you think I would be here?” Virgil shook his head, unable to form a single sentence. “You’ve been so stressed, I’ve noticed. Now that Thomas had... reluctantly accepted me as part of his mind, I think it’s time we had a chat.”

“Chat?”

“As your aware, Roman’s creativity is a lot more, PG13 than mine,” Remus said. “Ya know, unicorns and dragons, mine, however,” A grin was spreading over his face. He was in Virgil’s personal space now. Virgil tried to take a step back, but we met with the wall. “Is a little more, 18 and over. You know, I’m more of the kinky one.” Virgil gulped. “And I’ve noticed none of you really like to, what’s the word? Indulge yourselves, you especially, little emo.”

“Remus-”

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m not here to judge.” His arms were on either side of Virgil’s head, caging him. “You always seem so pent up and stressed. It worries everyone because, when you relax, Thomas does too. The others tend to let you de-stress by yourself, but that hasn’t been working, has it?” Virgil felt he should lie and shake his head but the look in Remus’ eyes today him that he could see right through him. He nodded. “Then, I thought, maybe I can help?” Virgil’s breath caught in his throat. No matter how many times he imagined a situation like this, he still didn’t understand how it could be happening.

For as long as he remembered, it’s always been Remus. Ever since he first met him, after the split. Yes, he terrified the life out of him, but he listened. He always knew how to read Virgil like no one else could, and that both terrified him and interested him. 

But then he’d left. He’s said horrible things because he was scared and stupid, begging for approval. He’d hurt Remus. Yet here he was, caging Virgil him, forcing him to come face to face with his feelings.

“R-Remus...” His voice was so soft and strained, and his face was red. “I don’t know... I don’t know what you-”

“Oh, I think you do.” Virgil felt Remus’ knee nudge between his legs and Virgil panted. Holy fuck. “I think you know exactly what I’m trying to say.” Virgil found himself nodding, his eyes fluttering closed, head fallen back. “Ah ah, I need you to look at me.” A hand on his chin brought his face back down, his eyes locking with Remus’. “I need an answer.” At his silence, Remus moved to his neck, sucking, and biting gently.

“Maybe... maybe we shouldn’t do- fuck, rem...”

“Tell me to go.” Their eyes met. “Tell me you don’t want this, and I’ll leave.” Virgil blinked.

“I...” He panted as he shifted, feeling Remus’ leg between his. “I can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

“Tell you that.”

“And why is that.” It would be a lie. Remus was smirking. “So, is that a yes?”

“Yes.” Remus smirked, leaning in and their lips mushed together. Virgil’s heart was pounding. He was becoming a tad overwhelmed but he would rather die than stop this. After years of pining, Remus was kissing him, and holding his and- 

He broke the kiss to pant as Remus moved his leg. The side smirked.

“C’mon emo, let’s go lie down.” Virgil only nodded, following Remus’ lead and lying down. Remus climbed on top of him. “You still look so nerveous. Do you want to back out?” ‘This is your chance to say no.’ But he didn’t want to.

“N-no- I just...” Virgil groaned as Remus’ lips resumed their exploration. “I want this.” Remus’ face reappeared, a wolfish grin on his face.

“Good, little emo.” Their lips met in a soft, quick kiss. “Very good.”

Virgil woke up alone. This didn’t hurt (he swears he didn’t), Remus was a busy person, dammit. Despite how hard he tried, Virgil couldn’t avoid the dumb smile that split his face. Remus. He had... Did this mean he liked him? For once, Virgil’s mind wasn’t plagued by anxiety. For once, the crushing pain on his chest lifted. 

“Hey Virge?” Patton knocked on his door. “You up?” Virgil, realising he was still naked (no, he did not blush {he did}) and quickly grabbed a shirt and a pair of boxers.

“Yeah, popstar, give me two seconds, I’m changing!” He grabbed his hoodie and his jeans and put them on quickly. He moved over to the door, swinging it open with a small smile. “Hey.” Patton smiled, holding up two plates.

“Everyone seems to have disappeared, so I was just coming round to see if you wanted to have dinner with me?” Virgil nodded. 

“’course. Here or..?”

“I figured we could use the communal area, as long as we don’t spill it on the couch, Lo won’t know,” Patton said, giggling. The two synced out and synced back into the common room. “Movie?”

“Oh, hell yeah. We haven’t hung out in a while; we should make an evening of it.” Patton smiled so wide, cause Virgil to chuckle. 

“Black Cauldron?” Virgil nodded at the two snuggled down. Midway through the movie, after the plates were pushed aside, Virgil glanced over at Patton, smiling. He blinked and for a second, he could’ve sworn he saw Janus, not Patton. He blinked, returning his eyes to his lap as a shame seemed to creep over him. The things he’d said and done to Janus... He moved his gaze from lap to the Tv. He would apologise, and maybe, just maybe, the other side would forgive him

The movie night ended later than expected. After Black Cauldron, they decided on Toy Story (Patton cried), then Brave (Virgil spoke in a Scottish accent until Patton cried laughing) and finally Moana (Virgil cried a little bit). It was late and Virgil knew he had to go to sleep. He had been hoping Remus would show up, but he knows he can’t get overly dependent on the creative side, it wouldn’t be healthy. So, he simply decided he would talk to him tomorrow. As they were retreating to their rooms, Patton pat him on the shoulder.

“I just wanted to say that I’m glad you seem a bit more relaxed-” (Virgil willed himself not to blush because he did not want to explain that) “- but I wanted to let you know that if you ever need me, I’m here to talk.” Virgil nodded. Patton smiled, beginning to walk away.

“Hey Pat?” Patton turned around. “You and Janus are... a thing, right?” Patton tensed slightly, preparing himself for where this might go. “I just... god that sounds condescending. I wanted to tell you that...” Virgil took a deep breath, taking Patton’s outstretched hands, squeezing them slightly. “I wanted to let you know that I’m really happy for you.” Patton’s eyes filled with tears and even Virgil couldn’t resist pulling him into a hug. It was warm and sweet.

“I- Thank you, Virgil!” Virgil smiled.

“It’s the least I can do, Popstar.”

The next morning, Virgil felt like a man on a mission. He would find Remus and they would talk about... that night. He got dressed, put on his make up before heading to the common room. Logan was already there, reading a book. Virgil smiled at him before going to get a cup of coffee.

“You’re up unusually early, Virgil,” Logan said. “Did you actually wake up early or did you never go to sleep?”

“Nah, I slept, I’ve just got something I needed to do today, so I guess I couldn’t sleep in.”

“Oh, something important? If so maybe talking to someone or, as the ‘youths’ would put it, spilling the tea, might help you come up with a plan to achieve said mission.” Virgil chuckled at him slightly before going over to the couch, carrying a mug for himself and Logan.

“Uh, I wanted to talk to Remus actually. I slept in late yesterday, so I didn’t see him. I was just gonna ask him something,” Virgil said.

“if knowing his location helps, he is in my room.” Virgil choked on his coffee. “Or at least, he was when I awoke.”

“Sorry,” Virgil said, coughing and wiping up the spilt coffee. “Did he sleep over...? I didn’t realise you were that close of friends.”

“Well, we’re all factors of Thomas’ mind. He said I needed to relax, which honestly was a little rude,” Logan said and alarm bells started going off in Virgil’s head. “So we, uhm, had intercourse.”

Sometimes, there’s moments where you can actually feel everything crashing around you. All the ideas and notions, crashing and shattering. Like a broken mirror, or a broken heart. 

Logan’s mouth was moving but Virgil couldn’t hear him and he was beginning to blur due to the tears in his eyes.

‘I’m so stupid.’ Virgil couldn’t move. He couldn’t feel his limbs. ‘I’m so stupid. Why would he ever... Of course, he didn’t like me. He was just taking one for the team.’

“Virgil, why are you crying? Has something happened or are you experiencing a panic attack?” He could hear more voices, as more people came into the room, but he couldn’t decipher one from the other.

‘I’m so pathetic. Why are you surprised? of course he doesn’t like you. He barely tolerates you. You are-’

“What’s got the emo so upset?” Virgil’s eyes, almost subconsciously, locked with Remus’. There was no glint, no warmth. They were just eyes. He never realised just how stupid he could be. 

Without a word and without explanation, he sunk out, his mug slipping out of his hand and smashing to the ground. He moved to his room, closing the door, and locking it, letting the tears fall. The dark cloud was surrounding him. He deserved this. He moved to his bed, ignoring the knocking at the shouting. He sobbed, letting all of his emotions out.

Of course, Remus would never love him. He was too emotional. He was too anxious. And he had hurt Remus. He didn’t deserve it. 

Lying in his bed, his pillow wet with tears and snot, he realised that he was just unlovable.

PART 2 IS HERE

Part 2/2

Part 1  ( @shamelesspoetry )

Paring: Dukexiety, side Moceit and Loginice Words: 3288 Genre: angst, fluff, hints at smut (you have to squint), angst with a happy ending

Virgil had lost all concept of time. Had it been days? Minutes? Hours? He didn’t know or care. He could only note that the banging on the door had stopped. There had been banging (that faded into knocking) on his door for a while at the start. Logan, confused on whether he had done something wrong, Patton, desperate to try and talk to the anxious side, and Roman, who wanted to understand the outburst. The locked door prevented all of them from entering his space (pity party). The dark cloud of anxiety now seems to spread among the room, swallowing his posters and books. He couldn’t seem to care. He’s passed the sad stage and seemed to move on to the numbness. The sad would come back, it always did.

Meanwhile, in his shared room, Roman was pacing the floor.

“C’mon prince of boring, why are you pacing? It’s giving me head trauma.”

“A headache. That’s called a headache,” Roman said, staring at his twin who shrugged his shoulders.

“What has you so worked up? Oo ~ do you need help with a project, I wouldn’t mind adding a few corpses!”

“No, Remus, be serious, I’m worried about Virgil!”

“The emo?” He asked before shrugging. “He’s just sulking over Logan taking the last cup of coffee or something.” Roman wasn’t convinced. “Come on, Roro, you’re just upset because you have a crush on him.”

“What? No, I don’t,” Roman said, staring at his brother in confusion. Remus only wiggled his eyebrows.

“You wanna see that flat ass all day. Wanna wipe those racoon eyes, wanna-”

“No, seriously, I don’t.” Remus only blinked at his brother before shrugging.

“His loss.” Roman continued to stare at his brother.

“Remus, did you... did you think I liked Virgil?” 

“Well, I figured you’d be into pale emos.” Remus shrugged.

“Remus, I told you I like Logan, right?” Remus tilted his head.

“Maybe you did, I don’t remember.” He then grinned “See, I was right, you are into pale emos.”

“Don’t-” Roman was slowly going red.

“What? I’m not wrong. He is quite pale.” Roman raised an eyebrow at his brother.

“How would you know?” Remus seemed frozen for a moment, his brain catching up with the conversation. “Also, where were you last night? And the night before?” Remus didn’t look up at his brother.

“I was helping Thomas.” Roman, unsure of where Remus was heading, decided to proceed with caution.

“How?” Remus finally looked up, meeting his brothers’ eyes.

“Well, they are both so stressed all the time so I wanted to help... relax them. And since I’m more 50 Shades of Grey to your My Little Pony, and also the only one with the balls to actually do something-”

“Remus, what did you do?” Roman’s heart was beating. “Who are ‘they’ and how did you help them relax?” Remus went quiet for a moment, as if thinking.

“Sex.” Roman looked at his brother and could tell by the look on his face that Remus was leaving something out.

“With who?”

“Virgil...” Roman nodded slightly. “And...” ‘Who?’ Roman wanted to ask but his mind connected the pieces together. Janus and Patton were already together and that left only two people, Virgil and...

Roman gasped, tears welling in his eyes.

“Logan?” His voice was low and Roman didn’t even look at Remus for a response.

“Well, it wasn’t like I forced myself on him, he went with it willingly-”

“Shut up!” Roman’s voice was thick. “For once in your existence, shut up.” Roman shoulders shook. “How... how could you?”

“I didn’t know!”

“Bullshit!”

“Oi, don’t get all high and mighty. You only accepted me because of your spat with Janus, which wasn’t that long ago!” Remus was angry, but only at the accusation that he would deliberately hurt his twin. Roman didn’t look up to meet his brother’s gaze.

“That’s why he was so upset...” Roman whispered. Remus let the confusion wash over his face.

“What has that-”

“He loves you, you idiot! How can you not see it? He always has!” Remus blinked at his brother. “And you just fucked and left?!” Roman looked at his twin, wiping his tears. “And that’s what Logan most have told him, no wonder he’s upset!” Before Remus could respond, the door swung open, with Patton and Logan bursting in.

“We heard yelling,” Patton said. Logan noticed Roman crying first, but the other side didn’t look at him.

“Roman-” Roman pushed past them all, speed walking out of the room.

Virgil was laying on his bed when he heard the tell-tale signs of someone trying to pick his lock. He didn’t try and stop it, figuring it was Patton attempted to pull him out of spiral. He was surprised to find Roman’s tear stained face staring back at him.

“He... he just slept with him...” Roman said, voice thick. Virgil let out a weak, almost maniacal, laugh.

“Wanted us to ‘relax’. Bullshit. All men are trash.” Virgil said, his voice weak from lack of using it.

“Can I join the pity party?” Virgil looked confused for a second before he remembered all the times, he caught Roman’s star-filled gaze fixed on the logical side. He nodded, opening his arms. Roman sunk down onto the bed and the two sides just cried, not caring that people could hear them, not caring about the door still being open. Just not caring at all. 

It was a few hours later, when Virgil woke up to Patton’s soft voice.

“Virge? I have something for you to eat. Roman has gone back to my room.” Virgil struggled to open his eye, but otherwise remained unmoving. “I’m just going to leave it -”

“Stay,” Virgil croaked. “please.” He choked, tears falling down his face.

“Hey, Virgil, can I touch you?” The other side nodded. “Do you want a hug?” Another nod. “Can I climb in beside you?” At Virgil’s nod, Patton lay down on the bed, opening his arms and letting Virgil come to him. Virgil crawled over to him. “Do you wanna talk about it?” There was silence in the room.

“I got my hopes up,” Virgil said. “And the one person I used to talk to about this I’m not talking to anymore and I think he hates me because I was awful to him because I was desperate to be liked!” Virgil said, sobbing. Patton shushed him gently.

“Hey, I’m sure you will get a chance to apologise,” Patton said. There was a creak at the door and Patton looked up, finding Janus giving him a sympathetic smile.

“It’s okay, Pat, I’ll take it from here.” Patton looked down at the sobbing boy and took a deep breath, slowly untangling him, giving the boy a kiss on his hair before moving to leave. Janus took his arm gently as he walked past, rubbing his cheek, kissing him softly. “I’ll take care of him.” Patton nodded, smiling. Janus looked down at the anxious side, who’s eyes were wide and fearful. He opened his mouth but didn’t get a word in before Virgil launched in rambling.

“I’m so sorry for everything I said and did! I wanted so badly not to be hated anymore and I was afraid that if I didn’t hate you than they would hate me again but I should-” Virgil slapped his hand over his own mouth, looking up and Janus, who’s eyebrows were furrowed in worry.

“Virgil. I need to you to breath for me.” Virgil dropped his hand before he took a deep breath in. “Good, okay, I’ll count to eight. 8,7, 6-” Virgil let out his breath. “That’s okay, we’ll start again. 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Good. okay, hold for four. 1, 2, -” Virgil dropped off again, clutching his chest. “Okay, it’s okay, we can start again as many times as you need. Okay?” Virgil nodded, closing his eyes and taking Janus’ hands. “Okay, in for eight. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Okay, hold for four. 1, 2, 3, 4. Great, so good, out for seven. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Great, let’s do that a few more times.” Janus took him through his breath exercise and the room slowly became lighter and lighter. His posters reappearing, his eyeshadow receding. “That was really good.” Virgil nodded.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know why you did what you did, Virgil. That’s not me saying that I’m not mad or I wasn’t upset about it, but I get it. I did the same thing to Remus, so I know how you feel,” Janus said, noticed Virgil’s gaze dropping from holding Janus’ to his lap at the mention of the creative side. “This is about him, isn’t it?” Virgil nodded. Janus opened his arms and Virgil crawled in and melted against the other side. “He’s always been an idiot.”

“But I thought... He came here, maybe three nights ago. I was... I was confused because he didn’t normal come here. He said I was stressed out and everyone was worried for me... He started kissing me and then more than just kissing and-”

“He forced himself on you?” Janus asked, gasping. Virgil shook his head quickly, looking into the other eyes that he wasn’t lying.

“I wanted it. I thought... it’s stupid, but I thought that meant he maybe he liked me back.” Janus nodded sympathetically. “I know he has troubling expressing emotions and he tends to channel that into... sexual advances. I just thought...” Virgil deflated. “I just thought maybe he liked me back.” Janus pulled him in again.

“I meant what I said. Those twins don’t have a clue between them.”

“I feel bad for Roman. I thought everyone knew about his crush on Logan, except Logan himself. And... him too now, I guess.” Virgil wiped his eye with his hoodie, sighing. “I feel like an idiot.”

“Well, love makes you an idiot. Look at me and Patton. It took us how long to figure out that our enemies to lovers’ trope had turned into the ‘lovers’ end of the spectrum?” Virgil giggled. “Love and feelings are complicated. Maybe you should explain all this to him?” Virgil shrugged.

“I’m afraid. I don’t want to be rejected.”

“Rejection is the precursor to closure. It’s very hard to have one without the other.” Virgil sighed.

“That’s about the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.”

“Okay, Mr pessimism, prove me wrong.” Virgil put his hands up, sniffling.

“You’re right.” Janus handed him his yellow handkerchief. “Thank you.” Janus nodded. “I mean it. What I said. I’m sorry.” Janus gave him a small smile.

“I know. I meant what I said too. About understanding why did and said those things. I was upset but I’m getting over it. Your apology helps.” Janus grabbed a set of wipes before cleaning Virgil’s face. “C’mon, let’s eat. We can relieve Patton who is probably stress cooking.” The door opened on cue and Patton meekly stepped inside, holding more plates.

“I made spaghetti.” Janus smiled, a loving look on his face as he beckoned the side over. Virgil would’ve fake gagged but he couldn’t bring himself to ruin this moment. He was too drained. “Get this into you, then go to sleep. Maybe everything will be clearer in the morning.” Virgil somewhat doubted it, but took the side’s word for it anyway. “Everything is gonna be okay.”

In the hallway, Roman took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

“Yes,” The side answered and Roman opened the door. “Ah, Roman. You were in to see Virgil, how is he doing?”

“He’s fine, Logan. He’s not why I’m here though.”

“If this is about your brother and I, I have been made aware it made you uncomfortable. While I’m not sure why, I do apologise. There is nothing between us.”

“You don’t need to apologise. My reaction was my own fault,” Roman said. Logan looked and him confused and opened his mouth, but closed it when he saw Roman shake his head. “I know you and I have our differences but I really do value you as a friend and side and that’s why I was so scared to come and tell you, but I’ve realised I can’t just use that excuse and then get mad when things don’t work out my way.” Logan still looked puzzles so Roman sighed slightly before locking eyes with the logical side. “I like you, Logan. I have for a while. And I never told you because I was too scared and I just didn’t know what I’d do if you said yes. But I’ve realised I can’t just hold all my feelings in until I combust.” There was silence. “It’s okay if you don’t like me back-”

“No, it’s not that,” Logan said. “I don’t... I don’t really understand love. Sexual desire is different but love confuses me. But Roman I-” he trailed off, ruffling his hair. “I feel something for you. I don’t know what it is but it’s strong and I’ve only recently noticed it.” Roman slowly approached Logan, holding out his hands, silently offering to meet Logan halfway if he needs it. Logan grasped his hands. “Could you live with that? With me possibly never being able to love you back.”

“It could be hard, yeah, but I want to try. I care about you Logan, so I want to be with you, however you feel comfortable.” He pulled Logan up, before standing so close to him. “How about touch?” Logan nodded. “Words please, Lo.” 

“I like touch.” Roman wound his arms around the logical side’s waist. Logan frowned slightly. “I don’t know what makes you think you’ll be in charge.” Roman’s face heated up, covering his ears and neck.

“I was just tryna hold you,” he whined and Logan half smirked, half smiled. He leaned down, kissing the fanciful side’s red neck.

“It’s okay, I’m just teasing.” Roman nodded before the logical side moved back up and the two made eye contact. “Can I kiss you?”

“If you don’t, I might hit you.”

“Feisty, I like it.” Roman blushed but before he could say anything, Logan gently placed their lips together and he melted into the logical side’s hold. Things weren’t perfect, but they would be okay. And when the pair woke up the next morning, arms wound around each other, they realised that they would rather be nowhere else but right here, in this moment, together.

Virgil, who woke up squished between Janus and Patton, managed to climb out without waking either of them up. He moved over to his door and, taking a deep breath, opened it. He was surprised to find Remus mid knock. Part of him wanted to close the door and go back to bed but Patton’s words replayed in his mind.

‘Maybe everything will be clearer in the morning.’

“Can we talk?” Virgil nodded and let himself be dragged to the sitting room. He sat down on the couch and let the silence sit for a few minutes. “Why didn’t you just tell me you like me?” Virgil would’ve been shocked but he also half heard Roman and Remus’ argument. Plus, the other side isn’t completely stupid.

“I was afraid I’d be rejected.” Remus was pacing. Virgil couldn’t understand the nervousness until he realised that he was causing it. “Remus, maybe you should sit down-”

“No!” Remus shouted back. Virgil flinched at the sudden loud noise before Remus dropped down into the chair beside him. “I don’t know how all these lovey dovey words work, that’s Roman’s job, but I like you too! Why didn’t you just tell me? I would never have slept with Logan but it seemed like you truly only wanted to relax, you didn’t even cuddle me so I thought-”

“You like me too?” Remus blinked at the other side. 

“I went to you first. I wanted to confess then but I just didn’t want to be rejected. I like you like wasps like Satan.” Virgil choked back a laugh as tears streamed down his face. “What did I say? Why are you crying?” Remus asked, panicking. Virgil shook his head, taking the sides flailing hands.

“It’s okay. They’re happy tears,” Virgil said. Remus still looked worried so Virgil wiped them away. Remus’ hand glided up his arm and neck, hesitating before his cheek, just centimetres away from the skin. Virgil, deciding to be brave, placed his face into Remus’ palm. Remus’ eyes widened before a smile spread across his cheeks. There was no glint, just love in his eyes and Virgil felt the best kind of overwhelmed. Remus’ began to vibrate with excitement before letting out a screech, picking Virgil up and swinging him around. Virgil wrapped his leg around the other’s waist and clutched on for dear life, half screaming himself. 

“This is better than juicy butt holes! This is better than late night thoughts!” Virgil laughed at him, leaning down to touch their foreheads together. Remus, still pumped with adrenaline, placed the other down on the couch before attacking him with kisses and tickles. The happy tears return as Virgil gasped for air, smiling so wide his cheeks hurt.

“Get a room.” Roman teasing voice came. Remus stuck his tongue out before burying his face in Virgil’s neck. The anxious side saw him and Logan’s clasped hands and winked to the two. “If the rest of us have the decency to go to our own rooms, so do you.” Logan nodded. “Plus, I know you’re lanky but you do not get to take up the entire couch. Move over!” The two complied, Virgil going to sit up before Remus pulled him onto his lap, nuzzling his face into the other’s neck gain, leaving soft kisses.

“Oh, we are all up!” Patton said. His eyes landed on the two new couples and they softened. Janus rolled his eyes and his husband’s soft gaze but Virgil saw the same look in his snake eyes. “Janjan, can you help me make breakfast?” Patton asked, entering the kitchen. Janus, as if sensing the change in atmosphere, moved his gaze to the four remained sides. 

“Not a word.” He said. “I mean it.” The other sides nodded, holding back laughs. He left to go help Patton and the room erupted in laughter.

“Guess Janus isn’t as tough as he lets on.” 

Later, that night to be exact, when Remus had Virgil curled up on his chest, half asleep, he just let himself be so thankful he didn’t fuck this up. Virgil, as if sensing the others thoughts, sat up, looking into the creative side’s eyes, smiled.

“You’re stuck with me now.” Remus smirked, pulling the other down for a kiss, hands roaming his bodies. Breaking away, Remus mumbled again his lips;

“You make it sound so difficult.” He kissed him again before pulling back a minute later. “This has been one of my best decisions in my entire existence.” Virgil smiled, his eyes brimming with love. He curled Remus’ hair around his fingers.

“You’re not too bad yourself, shrimpy.”

“Excuse me, I am a kraken!”

“Okay, shrimpy.” Remus smirked.

“ooh, feeling feisty, are we? Guess we’ll have to fix that.” Remus’ hands dug into the other side’s torso, causing his to shriek with laughter. Remus rolled them over, getting the upper hand and attacking Virgil’ tickle spots.

“Mercy! Have mercy!” Virgil said between pants and laughs and Remus finally let up. Virgil panted, a wide stupid grin taking over his features. “You play dirty, octopus.” Remus laughed before shrugging.

“Close enough!” He declared before diving down to kiss his boyfriend endlessly. Virgil couldn’t help but think that Patton was right.

Everything was gonna be okay.

Words: a lot idk (2,930) Characters: Logan, Roman, Patton, Virgil, Janus, Remus Pairings: Patton and Virgil are brothers (pat is older), the creative twins are, you guessed it, twins with Logan as their older brother, platonic and romantic dukexiety and roceit Trigger warnings: curses (minor), pain, pineapple on pizza (yes, disgusting, ik)

Virgil felt it the second his brain was connected, the dull ache in his right hip. He barely managed to let out a groan, trying to shift off his bad hip and onto his back. He let out a sharp breath as he hit his back. It was one of those days.

He hated those days.

The days when he was all but reduced to his bed before the sharp pain in his hip refused to be quelled. He knows he should get up, to try and stretch it out, but the very thought makes him nauseous.

“Kiddo?” He groans. “You okay?” Patton opens the door slowly, peeking in at the boy. “Bad day?” Virgil nodded and he’d never been so glad to have a brother like Patton. Patton, of course, was aware of these bad days. When Virgil was 10, he got diagnosed with a rare bone condition that affected his bones and left him in so much pain, to the degree that he was basically immobile for a year. He got over the condition fine with a lot of medicine but with lack of mobility for a crucial year in his growth, his muscle weakened and got inflamed a lot, meaning he was constantly on new exercise regimes to re-stretch and re-work the muscles into submission. His right hip muscles, the ones joining his two bones, was currently inflamed and was sticking his bones (Though this confused Patton, wasn’t that what connective muscles were supposed to do?)

“I really just want to sleep all day,” Virgil said.

“We both know I don’t want to give you The Speech,” Patton said, causing Virgil to groan loudly.

“Please, not the speech.” Patton chuckled. 

“How about a compromise?”

“No,” Virgil whined. “Your compromises suck! it's like ‘do these tiresome, painfully stretches for like an hour and then I’ll give you an extra five minutes for a nap’. I would rather The Speech.”

“In that case-”

“No! I was joking, not The Speech,” Virgil said. ‘The Speech’ was an inside joke among the two. When their parents passed away, Virgil was barely 17, so 20-year-old Patton had to help Virgil navigate all his pain alone, with only Logan, Patton’s boyfriend, as a supporter. On one of Virgil’s bad days, he had tried to rouse Virgil to get through his exercise by saying anything and everything off the top of his head. When he was about ten minutes in, Virgil had snapped, saying; “Fine! I’ll do the exercise, just please, Pat, for the love of God, shut up!”. Since then, ‘The Speech’ had been the threat to get Virgil out of bed. Virgil sighed, bringing Patton back to the moments.

“Okay then, smarty-pants, how about I help you through your exercises and then we can chill for the day, I’ll even call off work.” Virgil looked like he battling himself. One side of him wanted to be selfish and spend the day with his brother, but he also knew that his brother didn’t get a lot of days off. Patton seemed to sense this. “Or, I can sit in my office all day and spam you with texts, getting no work done.” Virgil smiled before extending his hands. Patton helped him sit up, carefully and slowly, making sure not to bother the hip too much. He helped Virgil lie down on the floor (the bed was too soft and would mould to his back, meaning he wouldn’t be able to accurately do a lot of the exercises). He placed a pillow under his head, stuck on a playlist, and started the exercises.

“I hate this, I want to stop.” Patton continued to hold Virgil’s leg in place (his right ankle was placed on his left knee, and his legs were drawn up, forcing his right hip to rotate.)

“10 more seconds,” Patton said. “5, 4, 3, 2, 1, ″ Slowly, his leg was lowered back down. Virgil let out a large breath. “Only four more exercises to go.” Virgil shook his head, tears springing to his eyes.

“pat please, I can’t do five more.” Patton gently took his brother's face in his hands.

“You’ve done the hard ones, Virge, and you’ve done so well. C’mon, you only have to do three reps of thirty seconds for each one.” Virgil let out a shaky breath, a few tears escaping his eyes, which were quickly wiped away by Patton’s thumbs. “Come on, we can do this.” Virgil snorted slightly.

“This isn’t a ‘we’ situation, Pat, I don’t see you crying from pain,” he joked. Patton would be offended, he’s tempted to pretend to be, but he knows Virgil hates feeling vulnerable and uses humour to cope.

“Well, I don’t see you having to threaten your baby sibling to do his exercises,” Patton said, helping Virgil through the next exercise (place his right thigh over his left, and angling his knee at ninety degrees to stretch the muscle).

“’m not a baby,” Virgil said.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over your baby speak,” Patton said, letting go of Virgil’s leg to stretch it between exercises.

“I’m a man,” Virgil said, making his voice deep to hear his brother laugh. Patton shook his head, re-positioning his leg for him.

“Sure, you are. I’m sure big bad men have to have their crusts cut off their sandwiches.”

“No one wants to eat hard bread, Patton,” Virgil said.

“Is that so, Virgil?” Virgil nodded before he flopped his leg out of his brothers’ hands.

“Why are you positioning my leg for me, I’m not paralysed.”

“I don’t trust you to not give up early,” Patton said immediately. Virgil let out a scandalised gasp.

“Oi! You’re right, but hey!” Patton laughed, picking back up his brother's leg and finished the last exercise on his back. 

“Okay, turn over. You’re gonna have to hold these yourself,” Patton said.

“I thought you said you’d help me!” Virgil whined.

“I basically just did your exercises for you!”

“Basically and literally are not the same thing,” Virgil said. “You’re dating Logan, you should know this!” 

“Hush you, and finish up, I’m hungry.”

“And I’m not?” Patton gave Virgil ‘The Look’. Virgil sighed. “I’m sorry for taking my frustrations out on you, that isn’t fair.”

“Thank you. And I’m sorry if I’m making you feel rushed.” Virgil sighed.

“It's fine. And hey, only two more to do.” Patton nodded. The hardest, by far, was the first one. it was an awkward position, making it hard to take deep breaths, and it hurt the most. Patton coached him through his last two before Virgil sighed, flopping down onto the ground. “That sucked.”

“Pancakes?”

“Uh, yes. With blueberries?”

“And maple syrup.” Virgil hollered before slowly standing up. He walked (hobbled) down the stairs and into the kitchen. “So, coffee?” Virgil nodded using a chair to lift himself onto the counter, not trusting his arms or hip. Patton grabbed a glass and a pain pill before handing both to his brother. “30 minutes before your meal please.” Virgil rolled his eyes but took the pill and swallowed it down. Patton began on the batter, getting all the ingredients into the bowl before handing it to his brother. “I’m gonna call work on the landline.”

“What excuse you gonna use.”

“I’m deciding between ‘I’m sick’ or ‘fuck you and your contract hours, I got more important shit to do’. Which is more convincing?” Virgil laughed.

“That’s two dollars in the swear jar.”

“How many times have I forgiven you curses?”

“Me? Curse? I’m an angel.”

“No, you’re a pain in the behind.”

“Pattooooooon!” Patton shook his head and grabbed the landline. 

“Mix,” he instructed before dialling the number and leaving the room. Virgil stuck his tongue out at his brother but began mixing.

“Alexa, play Patton’s breakfast tunes at volume 4 please.”

“Playing ‘Patton’s breakfast tunes’ on Spotify now,” The machine replied. ‘Dog Days Are Over’ by Florence + the machine began to play through the kitchen speakers. Virgil had just about combined the ingredients by the time Patton came back. 

“Any troubles?”

“Nope, Jessie answered the phone, and he’s chill with anything. He said he'd called Katie and she could take my shift, I just had to take her shift next Tuesday but I definitely needed to be in tomorrow - something about a big meeting, ah well.” Patton said. “This looks nearly ready. Finish that off, imma just get the pan.” Patton walked away before noticing the clock. “Later than I thought,” He mumbled. Virgil looked at the clock. It was about half one.

“How long did I sleep for?”

“I went to wake you at like half twelve, so I guess the timing does make sense.” Virgil nodded, handing the mixed batter to his brother. The two silently made breakfast - well, Patton made breakfast, humming alone to his playlist, while Virgil watched before getting up and setting the table. He yawned again, the pain in his hip moving from a stabbing pain to a dull ache. He plopped down on his chair - the only chair with a cushion for times like these. Patton smiled, handing him his plate as the two tucked into their lunch. Virgil had tried to offer to clean up, but Patton insisted he stayed sitting.

“It hurts whether I stand, lay or sit,” Virgil said. “I might as well help.”

“It's okay, I can handle this.” Virgil sighed but moved to the sitting room, setting up Disney+ on the TV. “What are we watching?” Patton asked, returning to the sitting room.

“Princess and the Frog?” Patton giggled.

“You just wanna stare at Prince Naveen,” Patton teased, handing Virgil an ice pack.

“Well, duh,” Virgil said. “Also, the songs are awesome.”

“Can’t argue there.”

-x-

The credits rolled around 4 pm and Patton was napping on Virgil’s shoulder as Virgil had switched off the current move for Black Cauldron. Patton stirred awake slowly at around 5 pm.

“Oh shoot, what time is it?” Virgil looked up at the clock beside him.

“About 5 past 5.” Patton nodded before sitting up and stretching. “What has you so tired?”

“Stayed up watching Parks and Rec,” Patton said.

“Haven’t you memorised that show by now?”

“Just about-” The doorbell rang, causing Patton to pause. Confusion took over his face before he cursed.

“Damn it, I forgot I asked Logan to come over yesterday for dinner,” Patton said and this was followed by more intense doorbell ringing. Virgil groaned.

“And I was supposed to go to the movies with the twins and Janus!” They both looked at each other, debating whether to open the door before a key turned in the lock. “Logan has a key?!”

“No!” Patton said. “I just, uh, told him where the spare key was.” Virgil shook his head but soon the house filled with Janus, Remus and Roman, screaming and Virgil for not responding to their texts and Logan asking Patton if he was ready to go to dinner. The group entered the room, noticing the two boys' guilty faces.

“Uh, Lo, about tonight-”

“No Pat, you go, I can, uh, just watch a movie and order pizza,” Virgil said.

“Virge-”

“It’s fine pat, I’ll take another pill and-”

“Oh, is your hip acting up again?” Logan asked and Virgil’s face burned. He kinda maybe hadn’t told the others about his hip issues. In his defence, he hadn’t had a bad blow out in months and it usually only lasted for two to three months maybe twice a year. He was also good and hiding bad days but today was too bad to hide.

“Your... hip?” Roman asked, looking down to the melted ice pack. Patton looked at Virgil and quickly realised he hasn’t told them.

“Yeah, he’s got a bad bruise there!” Patton said, trying to cover for him.

“Oh, okay,” Roman said. Logan shook his head.

“No, this is the muscle issues caused by his childhood condition. Why are you lying Patton?” Logan asked. Virgil wanted to bury himself further into his hoodie but he couldn’t because that would involve moving his hips.

“Logan,” Patton said softly, taking the boys arm. “let’s go to the kitchen?”

“Oh no, I said something-”

“No, sweetheart, it's okay.” Patton took the melted ice pack, gave Virgil a look that said ‘call me if you get scared’, and gently guided Logan into the kitchen. There was silence in the room.

“So,” Janus said.

“What did Logan mean?”

“Funny story actually, so uh, I had this like... bone thing when I was and it meant I was in a lot of pain so I didn’t really walk, like, at all for a year. It went away which is good, but it means that because of that, my muscles are weak and just like, throw up a fuss a lot, so it’s sort of a bitch and there’s nothing I can do a lot of the time. On bad days, I just have to stay put and not move for as long as possible.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Janus asked and Virgil couldn’t meet his eyes, he just couldn’t.

“Uh well, with Patton, it just sometimes feels like it’s all we talk about and with you guys-” he gestures to where he thinks they’re standing "- It’s different. Because you didn’t know, you weren’t always asking me and while I love it when Pat does it, it makes me feel overwhelmed and like the only thing people see is this ‘poor kid’. I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s all I’ve got.”

“Well, if I’m honest, I’m not mad. I’m a little upset you didn’t trust us-”

“It’s not about trust. I trust you all with my life, but it’s... it’s different. I know you all wouldn’t see me differently but... I don’t know how to explain it, it’s like, I know, logically, it wouldn’t change anything, but there are days like these where I am not fun to be around and am in bad moods, and people take that personal. Or people think I’m lying because I could go nearly a year without my muscles getting inflamed. It’s not a constant pain, it’s more of a recurring problem with my muscles that gives me pain.” There was silence,

“I know you’re very anxious right now, but I hope you know you’re a dumbass,” Remus said. “What?! He is sometimes.”

“What Remus is trying to say-”

“I know what I said Jan,” Remus pointed out.

“Shut up, you loch ness monster,” Roman said.

“Okay, Prince Charming from Shrek,” Remus said.

“Very specific insult must’ve taken you months due to a lack of brain cells,” Roman quipped back.

“At least I haven’t got your face!”

“We’re twins-”

“I have a moustache-”

“I will kill you-”

“I’d like to see you try-”

“GUYS!” Janus said, shouting over the pair. “Ignore those two dumbasses, we know this is a scary thing so we’re - well, I’m not mad. I get why you didn’t say anything.”

“It’s like, the less I talk about it, the less I’m worried about it,” Virgil explained.

“Okay, now that I get,” Remus said.

“You’re a dunce,” Roman said, shaking his head. “But yes, hot topic, we’re not mad. Also, the movie we were going to see what awful, why did you let Janus pick?”

“Because it was my turn.”

“Well, who wants to watch a movie about cults?”

“For the love of god Remus, a ‘cult classic’ doesn’t mean an actual cult,” Janus said, holding his head in frustration.

“Sounds fake, but okay,” Remus said, trying to get a rouse out of the other two, who were staring at him dumbfounded. he winked at Virgil causing the boy to laugh.

“You are a dunce,” Virgil said.

“Noooo, don’t say that you have to love me!” Remus said, throwing himself (somewhat carefully) onto the emo.

“Get off me,” Virgil said, laughing. Patton reappeared with cups and soft drinks at that moment.

“Okay, since Logi-bear-” the twins giggled at the nickname, but were met with Logan’s glare behind Patton’s back “-was your ride, we figured we’d order pizza and watch movies here.”

“Sounds good,” they all said.

“As long as Virgil and Remus share a pizza. Virgil will want peppers and Remus will want pineapple and I was that kind of neggies vibes AWAY from me,” Roman said dramatically. Both boys giggled.

“That’s okay with us, princy.”

-x-

It was an hour later by the time their four pizzas arrived - Logan and Patton’s vegetarian, Janus and Roman with a chicken, pepperoni and mushrooms and finally with Virgil and Remus’ Hawaiian pizza with chicken and peppers. It wasn’t until they were all curled up (Logan resting his head on Patton’s shoulder, their hands intertwined, Roman with his head on Janus’ lap as the boy played with his hair and Virgil on Remus’ lap) and safe that Virgil let the relief and love that surrounded the room.

Yeah, he hated those days, but he loved his friends. He loved Patton, and Logan, because they had always felt like his parents. He loved Janus, who always knew the right thing to say, and Roman, who always knew the right thing to get Virgil out of his head, and Remus, who knew how to make him laugh so hard he forgets to breathe.

“Why have you got that dumb face?” Remus asked.

“My face isn’t dumb,” Virgil whispered back. Remus rolled his eyes. Virgil only smiled, letting the sleepiness catch up as he fell asleep.

Today wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be.

Uh,, so this was my rant post and also a lil’ one shot i had. It’s based on personal experience, so if it’s confusing, sorry. I spend like a week on this lol, so enjoy!

Virgil, a tired Gay

Remus, from the next room over: hey!

Virgil, taking off his headphones: what?!

Remus: I’m homicidal!

Virgil: did you say homicidal or s*icidal?!

Remus: Homicidal!

Virgil, sighing loudly: Good! Keep it that way!

do i wanna write angsy anxceit where two idiots attend a wedding of their ex or do i wanna write fluffy dukexiety one shot where they have their first kiss?

Remus wasn’t a very romantic person. He didn’t see the appeal in the fancy dinners or candle lit nights. He just couldn’t understand why people loved them.

Virgil, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, both understood and loved the romantic nights. And, despite his attempts at hiding it, Remus quickly noticed. But Remus knew that Virgil loved him, impulses and all.

“Hey trash panda, have you talked to your brother recently?” Virgil asked as he sat on his phone on the couch across from Remus’ design computer.

“Normally, my dark and stormy night, I do my best to avoid the repulsive royal, so that would be a no.” Remus didn’t look up from his project - some horror anime/cartoon he was acting hush-hush on. Virgil knew it was because it was a trial piece and Remus didn’t want jinx himself.

“He and Jan are going to Morocco.” This caused Remus to spin around in his chair, looking at his boyfriend with a raised eyebrow. “Jan just texted me to let me know he couldn’t come us to that horror convention next month. Apparently Roman got a promotion so he bought the tickets as a surprise.” Remus nodded.

“Why Morocco?” Remus said, about to turn back around.

“I think he’s going to propose.” Remus froze before looking at his boyfriend who was frantically typing on his phone.

“How-”

“Jan has always wanted to get engaged on a foreign holiday. Plus, Lolo and I saw Roman talking to Cindy, you know Patton’s friend, one from the jewellery store downtown,” Virgil explained. “I’m texting him now to ask.” Remus nodded but didn’t say anything. there was silence, except for Virgil’s tapping.

“Not gonna lie,” Remus stated. “I always thought Janus would propose.” Virgil paused before gasping, followed by him chuckling.

“Bet you twenty dollars Janus is also planning to propose.” Remus laughed. 

“That’s such a rigged bet, they’re both definitely gonna propose.”

Sure enough, a month later, both boys returned home with engagement rings. The gang - Patton, Logan, Virgil, Remus, Emilie, Remy, Janus and Roman - were all in Logan and Patton’s house for Sunday dinner (a long-standing tradition). Virgil was locked into conversation with Janus, Emilie and Patton, who were both showing off their rings. Virgil was laughing with them. Remus’ eyes were glued to him.

“What's got you so distracted? Worried Virgil-”

“Dude, not funny,” Roman said, cutting Remy off. Remy took a sip from his cup but was otherwise silent. “Remus, what’s up?”

“do you think Virgil is waiting for me to propose?”

“I mean, maybe? Have you talked about marriage?” Remus was silent, thinking. 

“Yes and no. We talked about it ages ago but he hasn’t said anything since.”

“Has he dropped hints?” Remy asked. “That’s what Emilie did.”

“Virgil should know I wouldn’t pick up on them.”

“Hey, don’t stress, Rem, Virgil loves you and you love him, that's all that matters,” Roman said.

“That is correct. Maybe Virgil will propose. Patton knew I wouldn’t be able to pick up signs so he just asked me to my face.”

Remus tried to believe them, and he mostly did. Until later that night, when they were playing truth or dare. Logan and Patton were sharing the two-seater. Not quite cuddling but in each other’s personal space. Emilie had his head on Remy’s shoulder on the long couch, with Roman on Janus’ lap at the other end of the couch. Virgil was tucked into Remus’ side as the room turned their attention to him.

“So,” Janus said, wiggling his eyebrows. “Virgil truth or dare?”

“Considering you dared Remy to kiss Patton, I think I’ll go with truth,” Virgil said.

“Well, you wouldn’t tell us earlier, so... what was your dream proposal as a kid?” Virgil turned red.

“Can’t let that one go, no?” Virgil asked and Janus chuckled, shaking his head. “Uhm, pretty sure it was like a candle-lit dinner or something. Probably something cheesy and romantic.” Virgil then quickly moved on, asking Remy something but Remus tuned out again. Was Virgil disappoint with the lack of romance in their relationship? He’s never said anything directly, but why would he bring us Roman proposing on a romantic holiday if not to tell Remus that's what he wanted? Were there any other hints? Was there-

“Remus.” Remus snapped up to Janus’ gleaming eyes. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth. I think my boyfriend was in the right vein,” Remus responded. Janus simply waved dismissively as he went silent, thinking. Almost a moment later, a light bulb flipped on above his head.

“Do you plan on proposing to Virgil?”

“Janus!” Roman said, looking to his fiancé in exasperation.

“It’s a harmless question!” The two bickered slightly, nothing heated but a simply back and forth.

“You don’t have to answer,” Virgil said in a low tone. He had been trying to catch Remus’ eyes, who was just as determined to avoid Virgil’s. Eventually, the smaller man grabbed his chin so they could look into his eyes. “I’m serious. I don’t want you to feel pressured. I love you, okay?”

“I love you too.”

Despite Virgil’s reassurance, Remus was deeply fixated on the thoughts of marriage and if he was enough for Virgil. Virgil liked romance and dancing in the rain and visiting fancy restaurants. Remus liked staying inside and horror films and going to graveyards to adopt ghosts (which scared Virgil so much he learnt how to banish spirits from the house). Remus couldn’t help but feel like maybe, just maybe, Virgil was better off without him? 

He spun in his chair. He was unable to focus on the novel he was writing anymore. Virgil was at work and wouldn’t be back for ages. Despite trying to work, Remus was now fixated on rings. The truth was, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Virgil but he didn’t see why he needed to buy him a ring or spend thousands of dollars on a wedding to prove his devotion. They bought an apartment together, they had three pissy spirits that they took care of together, and the stray cat that would jump in their window. But if Virgil wanted it, well, who was Remus to say no?

Engagement ring shopping sucked. Plain and simple, it sucked. There were so many different cuts but they all looked so basic. Virgil wasn’t the type to wear flashy jewellery unless it meant something, like the dangly gold earring Remus bough him when he got his masters in psychology. Remus wanted something classy, but all something showed how much Remus knew Virgil, right down to his core. He thought about going to a jewellery shop or hiring someone but how on earth would he be able to explain that to Virgil? In the end, he chose the least expensive route; his brother.

“How do you pick an engagement ring?” Roman choked on his coffee. “What?”

“Try and maybe start a conversation with hello and maybe not something you have never mentioned before now,” Roman said. “But also, why the change in pace?” Remus didn’t say anything. “Is it Janus? he was only messing. He just doesn’t get it sometimes but I told him he need to respect your boundaries-”

“It’s not that.” Roman went quiet, letting his brother speak when comfortable. “I don’t want Virgil to regret being with me. I know that he doesn’t say it but he really likes all the romantic garbage you and Janus do.”

“Remus, Virgil may like romance but he loves you. Plain and simple. But I am your brother and I will support you, so if you need help finding a ring, I will help you,” Roman said sincerely.

“Ugh, you’re so boring and regal. Lighten up. Walk on the gory side.” Roman chuckled.

“I’ll tune it down, but just because you’re my baby brother.”

“Two MINUTES. I AM TWO MINUTES-” Roman burst into laughter, meaning anyone in the cafe who wasn’t staring due to Remus’ screeching, was now looking due to roman’s cackling. 

“Come, little wittle Remus, let’s go ring shopping.”

Remus paid for the ring in cash. He had been taking money out of the account for weeks in preparation. Well, a week. Still, he had it all planned out. He could suck it up for a night. 

He was spreading flowers on the floor when he noticed the dull ache in his chest. Tell-tale signs of a panic attack. Remus paused before moving to sit down. He closed his eyes and repeated his breathing exercises. He could do this. It’s what Virgil wanted. He stood up again, the dull ache turning into a slight pressure. He lit the candles, checked on the food and cleaned up. It was about half six when he realised, he was struggling to breath. Almost as soon as he noticed, the elephant on his chest returned. He backed up, sliding down the wall.

“no... no... not tonight...” He muttered under his breath. He tried to breath but he realised he was struggling. Why tonight. why was he getting a panic attack tonight? it was just one dinner!

“Re- REMUS!” Virgil said, coming in and sitting in front of his boyfriend. “Can I touch you?” Remus shook his head frantically. “Okay, it’s okay, breath with me okay?” Virgil took his boyfriend through his breathing exercises. “Okay, Rem, I need you to name five things you can see.”

“Chair, lights... uh... you, the table... uh, uhm-” Remus swallowed. “And tiles...”

“Okay, four things you can hear.”

“My breathing, your breathing, the neighbours... the oven?” Virgil reached behind him, switching off the oven. 

“Okay, three things you can feel.”

“The floor, my shirt... uhm... sweat?”

“Okay, two things you can taste.”

“Impending doom.” Virgil gave him a look. “Uh, tea and sugar.”

“Okay, finally, one thing you can smell.”

“The candles.” Virgil stood up, switching on the light and blowing out the candles. He finally took in the scene of the room. Remus tried to stand up but was quickly placed down in one of their dining chairs.

“Remus, do you wanna talk about it?” Remus sighed.

“I just... I wanted to plan this big romantic night and I know you like romance but it's just so icky that I must of have been panicked and-” Remus paused, meeting his boyfriend’s eyes. “Look, I know you like romance and I’m sure you’re disappointed I’m not.”

“Remus. I like romance, but I love you.” Remus blinked at him. “I knew what I was getting into when we entered this relationship. You never, ever have to change your boundaries to suit me. Remus, I love you, for you. I know you don’t like romance or pda, but I know that you love me.” Remus didn’t notice he was crying till Virgil wiped the tears from his face. He pressed their foreheads together. “I love you. So much. Romance or not.” Remus held onto his boyfriend. “But I need you to promise to never break your own boundaries for me. I respect the boundaries you put up, and I need you to do the same.”

“I promise.” Virgil smiled and Remus was hit with how overwhelmingly lucky he was to have gotten someone like Virgil to love him. “Ugh,” he groaned. Virgil chuckled.

“What’s up buttercup?”

“Roman was right. I don’t like this timeline.” Virgil just tossed his head back and laughed as Remus whined.

Remus did end up proposing that night. They were watching a horror film and Virgil was critiquing the characters decision when Remus suddenly turned to him.

“I’m just saying, choosing to go down to the creepy basement when you know there’s a serial killer on the loose-”

“Marry me.” Virgil stopped, looking over at his boyfriend. He wasn’t down on one knee but there was a ring in his hands. Virgil’s hand flew to his mouth. “marry me.” Remus sat up. 

“You’re not just doing this for me?” he asked, still in a state of shock.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and if this is the next step? then I’m going for it.” Virgil jumped up, wrapping his arms around Remus, already crying.

“Yes, yes, yes! Oh my god, yes!” He pulled back, letting Remus slip on the ring before launching himself and his boyfriend and smashing their lips together. It was here that Virgil, admiring his ring with awe filled eyes, also realised how lucky he was for getting someone like Remus to love him too.

“So, technically, Tarzan, at some point, considered himself a furry.” The room was silent.

“You know, you don't have to say everything that comes to mind, right?” Logan said.

“You’ve ruined movie night,” Roman said, sighing dramatically.

“C’mon Ro, that’s a little harsh,” Patton said, patting the fanciful one’s head.

“But Padre-”

“Patton’s right. You contribute utter nonsense too,” Virgil said. “Like how you said Han’s was manipulated into being bad. He clearly was just poorly written.” Roman sulked.

“You#re only defending him cause you two are fu-” Patton shot him a look. “Romantically involved.”

“He’s not wrong though,” Logan said. Roman looked over at him. “No, not you Roman, Virgil is right on that front. But technically, it would make sense if Tarzan would have considered himself a monkey-”

“He was raised by gorillas,” Deceit said, looking up from his cuddling spot. Logan gave him his ‘did-you-really-need-to-interrupt-me’ look.

“Fine then, gorillas, but technically, at some point, he would have considered himself ‘a furry’.”

“We can just change movies?” Patton suggested. “Lion King?”

“Hell yeah, but only if Roman and Remus promise to sing ‘oh I just can’t wait to be king’!” Virgil said.

“Why us?!” They both said in unison. Virgil just stared at them.

“You two are the definition of himbos. Both ripped royalty and not a single brain cell between you.”

It was later that night (yes, after much debate, the two eventually got up and sang the song), after Virgil had cleaned his face and was lying on his stomach, scrolling through his phone on Remus’ bed, did the creative side finally let his guard down.

“I’m tired.”

“Then go to bed.”

“But I need something to cuddle.”

“I’m not tired.” Remus pouted. “Stop pouting and reap the consequences of your actions,” Virgil said, not looking up from his phone. “You can’t stay awake all night and then get annoyed when you're tired.”

“You sound like Patton.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Must’ve said it wrong.” Virgil shot Remus a look.

“What's bothering you?” Remus opened his mouth to speak. “If you say nothing, I will walk out that door. There’s something wrong.”

“Will Roman ever warm up to me again?” Virgil was quiet but he turned off his phone, signalling to Remus he would listen if that's what he needed. “It’s just when we got split, it was like, ‘omg! I have someone to rely on!’ but now it just seems that he hates me.”

“Do you want advice or do you want to rant?”

“I want advice.”

“Roman has projected his insecurities onto you. Your everything he hates about himself. He’s working on it, yes, and you definitely do not deserve it, but the only advice I can give you is 1, put yourself first, you don’t deserve this and you're free to turn around and leave. Two, give it time, he needs to work on himself a lot. And three, don’t let him get away without apologising.” Remus was silent before Virgil opened his arms. “C’mere, my nightmare.” Remus snuggled into his boyfriend’s chest, curling up to allow them to be the same size. 

“Thank you.”

“It’s okay, I’m here for you.”

Me; *doesn’t post for weeks* also me; “here, have this draft while i deal with shit”

Roman: you dont scare me

Remus: I will gaslight you, I’m a cancer, don’t tempt me

“A toast!” Everyone in the room looks up as Janus stands up, his chair screetching behind him. He’s sat at the top of the table. They’re all here, sitting at the long dining table. Everyone, including Thomas, who sits at the other end, looks up to the deceitful side but he’s only loooking at Virgil. “A toast,” Janus repeats. “To Virgil.” The room is quiet and Virgil feels everyone’s silent gazes swing to him. “To Virgil.” He razes his glass, the red liquid slopshing slightly. Virgil feels his dread building but he can’t look away. He’s gaze is frozen on the other side. “Always the protector,” he begins, his eyes shifting form brown to yellow. “never the protected.”

Virgil’s world comes crashing down around him. His vision begins to blur as he sees them all raise their glasses. They’re look at him. They’re all looking at him. He sees their lips moving but he can’t hear them over his own heartbeat in his ear. He wants to speak, but his vocal cords are gone. His throat is throbbing and he thinks someone might ripped them out of his throat. He wants to say something, anything, but he can’t. He’s helpless.

He’s alone.

Janus: Remus, I swear to god I will end you

Remus: Really? I will gaslight you, don't tempt me, I'm a cancer

Grief

Themes: death, grief, hopeful ending Warnings: Death, grief, anger, pain, loss, car accidents, crying. Words: A fair amount (1245 words)

i. I am coping. I'll post something happier soon. Take care of yourselves and each other

Virgil realises that his thoughts tend to think in Before and After on a slightly damp day.

Before the event and After.

It's a steeling sort of realisation, like a dunk of cold water as he remembers there once was Before—a before the chest pain and the tears. There was a time when it was just a worst-case scenario and not his reality.

There was a time before Janus was dead.

And now he was in the after.

He still thinks about that before, more than any good grief counsellor would let him get away with. He still thinks about the night he went to bed, Virgil Storm, a 30-year-old with a husband who works night shifts. Not Virgil Storm, a widow. Not Virgil Storm, whose friends have to visit every day because they know there's no food in the house, and they don't want to plan another funeral.

It's an awful feeling, too, because no matter how much he closes his eyes and squeezes them shut to the point of pain, there's no going back to the before. There's no prayer, wish, spell, or nothing that will bring him back to the before. Or that will bring Janus to the after. There's no backwards, and the forwards seem unbearable to him, sitting here on a damp day, with the heating off but a blanket around him. Janus' cup from that morning Is still on the end table because Virgil hasn't been able to cope with the thought of there never being another cup there.

He cries a lot and is tired a lot. Patton tries his best to get him to sleep but doesn't understand why Virgil can't seem to. He thinks it would be an escape, but Virgil just can't do it. He can't bring himself to sleep when he knows he will only have to wake up again. And for a few minutes, Virgil knows he won't remember. He'll reach for that long-cold side of the bed because he won't remember, and he thinks that might be the cruellest thing he could ever do. A selfish part of him wants to forget, wants to forget this sadness and pain, but he can't, so he won't. Janus doesn't deserve that; Janus deserves more than to be t-boned on the interstate when coming home after making a pitstop because Virgil wanted doughnuts.

But Virgil can't think about that right now, so he doesn't. He just cries and huddles closer to the blanket.

Remus supposes they think he's heartless. Or if not heartless, then repressed. If he's frank, he's probably a little bit of both. And stupid, added in. Though he'd have to give a massive fuck you to the people who seem to think they get to decide how he copes.

It wasn't their best friend who was killed by a fucking idiot drunk driver at 4 am. No, it was his. His oldest friend was killed just like that, and Remus thinks he's allowed to cope however the fuck he sees fit. Whether it be drinking himself, angry and getting into a fight, or screaming so hard the cops are called at 2 am while at home, then he's coping, sue him.

It hits him in waves, the grief. In the mornings, he'll wake up and be sad, but he'll be able to breathe. And then he'll be at the store, and he'll see Janus' favourite chocolates on sale or smell his cologne or hear something, and it's like his finding out all over again, and he can't breathe again, and his eyes will water, and he'll have to go home and cry like a baby.

He knows one person in the world will understand his feelings, but how does he do that? Reach out to Virgil, Janus' widow, and say he's struggling? As if the man didn't lose his husband, his partner, the person he wanted and was willing to spend the rest of his life with. The person he wanted to travel with and host Christmas with. How does Remus go up to the man who lost his soulmate and look for comfort in him?

So he doesn't.

He didn't think Virgil would either until he did.

Remus finds himself at the front door of Virgil's house (it's a punch in his gut to no longer call it Virgil and Janus' house), and he's stalling on ringing the doorbell because then he'll come face to face with the widow of his best friend.

Once again, Virgil makes the first move. He opens the door, and red eyes meet watery ones.

"Come in," he says. And Remus does. He steps inside, and he stands in the hallway.

"how-"

"don't," Virgil says. "You know, so don't ask." And Remus nods because he does know. Of course, he does. If anyone would, it's him. "I didn't ask you here to help me through my grief; let's face it, neither of us is doing well. I asked you here because there's no point in both of us going through it alone." He takes a deep breath. "He wouldn't want us to, and since he isn't here to force us to talk to each other, I'm doing it." Remus has nothing to say in response, so he only nods. Virgil's right. Janus would hit them both on the head for isolating themselves. "So we're going to clean in silence. We're going to clean-" Virgil breaks off, a sob escaping before he takes a deep breath and continues, voice thick, "we're going to clean his cups and plates, and I've been too scared to. And his shirts." And Remus nods again, shoulders shaking.

"We will." And it's all he can manage to say, he realises. Because he has no other words to share, he realises that's okay.

So they clean. And when Virgil's sobs get too loud, or Remus' hands shake too much, they stop and drink a glass of water or watch some dumb sitcom episode. And when the sobs and shakes subside, they help each other and continue.

It takes three days and millions of breaks, but the next time Patton visits to restock the fridge, the plates and bowls are gone, and the sheets are clean. There are still shirts that need to be washed, but Remus puts them back on Janus' side of the bed, reminding Virgil this is a marathon, not a sprint. And there are still albums that need to be sorted, but Virgil took them from Remus' shaking hands and put them in a bag for Remus to take home to keep when he has the strength to return to his apartment.

The others come over for dinner - Logon and Roman coming in after work, Roman pulling his brother close the second he's in arms reach. Patton makes pasta, and the three of them - Logon, Roman and Patton - share stories and jokes about Janus. Virgil and Remus are quiet, but it's not a lousy quiet. They're just exhausting because grief is crippling, and this is the first time they've genuinely stopped in what feels like weeks, so they relish in it.

And in the morning, they both wake up on the couch, turn on the TV, and comfort each other when Janus' favourite documentary or an ad for his favourite movie comes on.

They'll live, they decide. They'll suffer, choke, cry, and get angry, but they'll live.

If for no reason other than Janus' wasn't able to, they'll live.

If The Heavens Ever Did Speak

Warnings: religious trauma, demons, biased view of religion, insecurity, homophobia, church, quotes from the bible Themes: Religion, demons, corruption Words: I'd say a lot (2091)

this is all based on a dream I had ages ago

-

“In him was life, and that life was the light of men."

The chapel is filled with the muttering of the hopeless and hopeful. Logan tunes them out as he listens to the words as absorbs them. A shoulder presses to his, a soft movement and slow reminding him that there is a body beside him. He does not turn to face them as he is sure they don’t either. His mind is on his Lord, and there it will stay. He listens to the words and lets them sink deep into his skin and brain. His mind is on the Lord, and there it will stay.

Virgil is silent beside him, hands interlocked and close to his lips as he repeats the scriptures and words, repeating and muttering as he gives his all to his Lord. Logan is beside him, and Virgil knows his eyes are closed as he lets the words be absorbed. Virgil does not look, keeping his eyes cracked as he mutters and prays alongside his community. From the corner of his eyes, he sees the fearful, those who do not respect what they are doing. He will not let himself be tainted with them.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

They are quiet upon their return home. Their home is cracking and broken, but they do not complain. If not in this life, then in the next, they will see heaven. They will see plenty and will not want for anything. They will not want in this life. Virgil is the first to speak, the first to break their silence and bring them away from their scripture.

“Lunch?” Logan gives him a small smile, nodding as he puts their coats away as Virgil moves slowly through the kitchen. His limbs are heavy, and his mind is complete, but he moves methodically. The curtains are blowing softly beside him as he moves slowly. The light is soft and grey as the rain is drizzling down. If he strains, he can hear the scratching of Logan’s quill move against the paper in the other room, but for not, he won’t. The floors creak below him, and the ceiling above him does so too. He does not want nor does he complain. He is alive.

“Though we are overwhelmed by our sins, you forgive them all.”

“Humans? Again?” Instead of remaining focused on the humans through the screen, he doesn't turn to the voice. “Remus? This is hardly normal?” Subpoena tries to fight the grin that is consuming his face, but he can’t.

“What can I say, Roman? They intrigue me,” He replies before he spots them. They’re his favourites to watch. They’re slow and sullen, and he almost revels in it. Almost. 

“Remus.” He doesn’t respond, his mind and eyes following the humans as they move slowly, their bodies rigid. “Their god does not like us.”

“Their god has nothing on me.” Remus blocks him out, letting his humans consume him in their movements. He can hear the sound of footsteps as Roman leaves, but he does not turn. He watches their descent to their quarters. His lips curl into a scowl as the run-down shack they live in. The wallpaper is crumbling, and the table and furniture are chipped. His eyebrows furrowed as he leaned forward, planting his hand on his chin as he watched their movement. One moves to the kitchen, preparing a simple stew. The other moves to the bedroom, scribbling in a notebook. Remus, still leaning forward, lets a smirk overcome his face again.

“The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.”

Virgil finds himself being drawn to the man before him. He is supposed to be helping the priest with the monthly charity event, but he’s found himself completely distracted. The man’s hair is darker than the night, and his eyes seem to be overtaken by a shadow that Virgil is entranced by and wishes to get lost in. He finds himself moving without thought, entirely overwhelmed by desire as he moves close to the man. He pauses a few metres away, suddenly aware of his .mind again. He frowns, looking at the floor as he frowns at himself. He should not desire for anything, he remembers. He turns around, leaving the man behind. 

Throughout the day, the man sits in his mind. He is consumed by him, so much so that he returns to the same place where he first saw him. To his surprise, the man is there again.

“Hello,” the man says, a smile spread across his face. Virgil does not match the expression but does not turn away. He knows he should. The Lord does not welcome mingling with outsiders, but he figures once won’t hurt. “What’s your name?”

“Virgil,” he speaks before thinking. 

“I’m Remus. Tell me, where did you disappear off to? You seemed to be hellbent on coming over to me, then changed your mind.”

“I had to help my priest organise an event,” Virgil says.

“You’re religious?” Virgil nods. “Do you ever grow tired?” Virgil blinks at him, eyes widening. “Tired of waiting for your god to help you?”

“I don’t have those thoughts,” Virgil says, moving away from the man, but he follows him.

“Don’t or shouldn’t. Surely you have wants? Desires?”

“I-” Virgil pauses, standing in front of him.

“You can tell me your wants?”

Let it be known that Virgil rarely doubts. The church was his saviour, saving him from himself when he was young and alone. It gave him Logan, his love (even if he could never tell him), and it gave him a home, a community. Virgil has not wanted for anything because he knows what it is to suffer, and so he will be thankful for what little he has.

“You could have more,” the man, Remus, says. “You could have more than what you have.” Remus moves closer to him, and Virgil should move away, should return to his life and not want. He should never question his Lord. But he doesn’t. “I could give you what you want and what you need.” Virgil feels a hand on his hip, and he finds himself unwilling to move away, his breath stolen from him as he feels the man’s arms consume him.

“Remus, I- what- But-” 

“Shhh, let yourself want, human, let yourself want with me,” Remus’s voice is in his ear. 

“I shouldn’t think these things,” Virgil whispers.

“Your Lord has no control here.”

“I-” Virgil closes his eyes, mind conflicted. His lord saved him and gave him Logan; he should never doubt him.

“Is Logan your love's name?”

“I- He’s not my-”

“I see how you look at him?” Quality’s face burns red. “I see how he looks at you.”

“He doesn’t- it’s not returned.”

“Oh dear, little one, your Lord has led you astray. Making you believe you cannot love. Follow me. Come with me. You can love in peace with me.”

“But my lord-”

“Your Lord has forgotten you.” Virgil opens his eyes to meet Remus’s red ones. His eyes widen more as a soft hand comes up to cradle his face. He should pull away, but he finds himself wanting to stay. He finds himself wanting. “Stay with me.”

“And Logan?”

“Let’s go to him then.” Virgil feels himself being moved, and in the blink of an eye, he’s home, and Logan is looking up at him. 

“Logan…” he says, and his voice already betrays him. The air is heavy and cold, and Virgil thinks he might cry at the look in Logan’s eyes.

“You have forsaken him-”

“Logan-”

“After all he’s done for you-”

“Logan, please-”

“After all he’s given us?”

“I love you.” Logan is quiet, eyes wide. “I know he says we are wrong, but we aren’t. I love you. Please, Logan, we could- I don’t know, Logan, we could go, Logan, please, I love you-”

“No- no, you can’t. It’s wrong, Virgil, it’s-” Virgil is crying, tears streaming down his face as Logan steps back.

“Logan.” Logan spins around at the new voice. “Your Lord has forsaken you. He knows nothing of love.”

“No, he loves us, he cares for us, he-”

“Has left you behind.” Remus moves closer to him. “I know this. Virgil knows this. See the light.”

“No, he- no!”

“He has left you in the dark, Logan. He has forsaken you.”

“No, I- no, he-. NO!”

“You love Logan. You love Virgil, but your lord has abandoned you. You cling to a faith that has done nothing but hurt you.” Logan’s breath catches as his eyes connect with fiery red eyes. “I can offer you safety. I have seen you two want for more than you have. For safety and love, Logan, I can give you that. Come with me.”

“Logan, please,” Virgil says. “I can’t stay, not now. But I can’t leave you-” He cuts himself off with a sob, Remus pulls him close, and Logan feels something well in his chest at the sight.

“You’re a demon,” Logan whispers.

“I am,” Remus says. “I am a demon, and I am your salvation.” Logan steps towards Virgil, towards both of them. He extends his hand, letting Virgil attach to them, to fall into his arms.

“I love you,” he mumbles to the man, who only cries harder. “Why do you help us?” he asks the demon, and the demon smiles, not cruel or unkind like he’s been taught but small and vulnerable.

“I have seen what you god does to his people; I do not wish to see you suffer.”

“But why?” he asks, desperately searching for anything because if he’s going to leave all he’s known behind, he needs a reason.

“Because I know what it is to want. To want for something and not get it,” Remus says, hands moving to cup Logan’s cheek to press against Virgil. “To love and not be allowed to show it.” Logan's face tilts, almost unconsciously, leaning against the warm hand. “Your God hath forsaken you, but I never will.”

“My lovers got humour.”

Remus finds himself to be lucky. He supposes it’s in his nature. The sky is dark as he sits. If he were awake, Virgil would say the sky is always dark here, but he sleeps peacefully on his lap, his head rested on his chest as his chest rises and falls softly and peacefully. Logan remains awake, his hand moving through Virgil’s hair, looking up at Remus, where he sits at his throne every few moments. When he’s sure Virgil is asleep, he moves away, letting Remus’s hand replace his and brush through Virgil’s hair.

“Why?” Logan asks, voice quiet. “Why us?”

“Love is a fickle thing,” Remus responds. “I’ve seen how your god treats his people, with punishments and pain for things that are out of your control. I do not wish to see you suffer. To see either of you suffer.”

“Why us?”

“Because you deserve better.”

“How do you know? How do you know we do? We have sinned. We have loved people we should not. We have broken the rules. We’ve been tempted. We’ve wanted.”

“You can want here.”

“It is wrong,” Logan whispers, but Remus knows he does not mean it.

“You are happier here,” Remus says. “You could be. You could be safe here. You could love him here.”

“Why help us?”

“I love you.”

“You don’t know us.”

“Unlike your old God, I take care of my people. You will not have to want because I will give you it all. I will shower you in it all.” Logan says nothing, letting himself move closer to believe. “You can love here. You can stay here.”

“You don’t know us,” Logan repeats, doubting his own words.

“I do not need to. I want to, but I have seen you, how you need.” Remus’s warm hand returns to his cheeks. “Can your God do this?” And then there are lips on his, and Logan feels the want rush through him. The wants he has repressed for years on the instruction of his community. He feels the want to kiss Virgil and hold him. The want to make mistakes and to live rush through him as Remus moves away. “Let the want consume you.”

“It’s a sin,” Logan whispers, but he doesn’t mean it. He finds himself wanting to sin.

“Whats sin to a demon?”

"Knows everybody's disapproval, should've worshipped them sooner."

SADNESS OVER NEW THOMAS SANDERS VIDEO!!!!

AND A SANDERS SIDE VIDEO TOO?!?

Remus: Hey Janus?

Janus: what?

Remus: are you awake?

Janus: who the fuck do you think said what?!?

*cough*