Still Here Today

Still here today

Not gonna die

Stronger

Faster

Better

Who am I in all of this

Coming home

Again

And again

And again

Love

For all the people I know

Love for myself

Forever and always

How cruel is it that sometimes even love isn't enough?

How cruel is it that an illness can divide us so much?

How cruel is it that I seem to be too much for everyone?

How cruel is it that even me just wanting to be in your arms is too much for you?

What are you so afraid of?

Why can't we see each other?

I miss you soo much.

And this sucks.

It sucks that people always leave when you need them the most.

It sucks that the world is so cruel.

It sucks that noone can deal with certain illnesses.

And their severity.

We all deal with life diferently.

And I just wanna hear your voice and hold your hand.

And forget about life for a while.

Is it wrong to wish for that.

Is it wrong that with you I can forget for a while who I have to be.

I am so sick of hearing from everyone how

much potential I have.

They all support me soo much.

Because they know I can reach for the stars.

But all I wanna do is live a normal life.

But wherever I go I am supposed to be some wonderkid.

Some special person.

The one who saves the world.

I can shift the momentum in an entire room of people.

But that doesn't mean that I have to.

So I sit here in silence alone

With too much feelings

And too much potential

And I get more and more agressive every

day

And I don't know how to put my life in regular waters again

Because time and time again I end up alone.

Because people are either starstruck by me or scared of me without me even showing them my full complex self.

It sucks to be too much.

There is no reason

No reason

No reason

But what I really wanna convince myself of is that I don’t care

Don’t care

I feel too much

And I am scared of it

So I stay away

And don’t go.

I am scared

Of what I don’t know

I don’t want to continue

To live in a world

Where I have to fight myself

To survive

Where I have to strive

To feel like I am worthwhile

Thank you for not staying silent

Thank you for your answer on here

From a long time ago

Maybe it is too much to ask

Can you help me again?

I feel lost and insecure

But I also fear

To not feel that way again

Because everything changes

At a pace

I can’t keep up with

And things I once enjoyed

Just feel mute

What is this

I run from it

Gone

In the world

Wrong

I can’t swerve anymore

I have to face

The reality

The truth

But I just wanna run

One day I’m fine

The other I’m not

Everything feels like

It’s my mistake.

My fault

Will it ever change?

How

One day

Changes

One

Chance

One game

The feeling

Of belonging

Is so important

I wanna see

How

My life goes

I wanna see

How I can grow

I wanna live

And see

If I am right

If there is a chance

For you and me

To gently be

Exist

Without the fears

Of being a wrong

Person

How can you be wrong

I love your kindness

I love how you care

For people

I love

That you care

I love that you try

I love that you don’t give up

Try and get the help

Don’t fly away

I wanna stay

This is powerful

As today

What if we run

From the sun

To the moon

And exist

Here

We are

I love people

Sooo much

I mean

There are annoying ones

But mostly

They are kind

And sweet

And nice

And just want to connect

With each other

What if all those loud people

Are just lonely

And fear to be overlooked

Who is powerful

And who is not

I enjoy

This

And I hope

It continues

To inspire

Me

Growing pains

A lit of gains

From working

From therapy

From living

Existing

I miss you laying in my arms

I miss you catching me

I miss you hugging me tight

I miss you looking at me like we are the only two people on the planet

I miss you saying you love me

I miss sleeping cuddled into your chest

I miss you being excited whenever I am taller than you

I miss watching you

I miss holding you close

I miss you showing me comics

I miss us showing each other music

I miss your room that just breathes you

I miss you and us and we