From-izzy - To: Reader, From: Izzy - Tumblr Blog

i have so many questions and uncertainties right now...

it's taking up too much energy to think about it and i need to study for exams rather than this

[03:21] | tbz kim sunwoo

then at least you'll know that you tried

​PAIRING » tbz kim sunwoo x gn!reader (not proofread! tell me if i made a mistake!) TROPE/AU » established relationship au!, non-idol au!, smau...? text messages!! GENRE »​ hurt/comfort...?, sunwoo just being a supportive boyfriend because i think it suits him so so so much, fluffy fluff fluff fluff, angst, reader is going through a new phase in her uni/educational life, playful banter between them two, but sunwoo and reader love each other a lot, sunwoo is so cute (this is the type of partner i want tbh...) WORD COUNT » 486 ESTIMATED READING TIME » ~2 mins WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » mentions of anxiety/nervousness relating to university/education, not proofread at all

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

i literally woke up twice during the night because of the new and unexpected changes relating to my uni journey. i think it's been weighing on me a lot because i never thought and had no expectations that i would be given the opportunity to move to a bachelor degree that will benefit me a lot.

i'm just a second year in university right now and i don't know whether i have enough experience to say this but to all of you hesitating and scared of new experiences, i understand you so much and i hope you'll be able to pick a decision for YOURSELF that will make you happy. uni is important. education is one of my core values but what is knowledge if you need to sacrifice happiness? education is a privilege, yes i get that but don't forget that to keep going in life, you must stay true to yourself first and foremost. and i can tell you now that hard work WILL NEVER betray you. i've always been stuck in this awkward position between the middle and high scores in high school but now in uni, though it's hard, psychology is something i love so much and now that i'm given this opportunity, though i'm nervous, i know it'll be worthwhile and i can only hope the same for you too.

i'm proud of you all. keep going!! you got this!!

thank you to all my friends who sat through and just listened to me rant about this, you gave me a lot of strength and courage. i love you all so much.

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 'especially to you...' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿 @heemingyu

Hey... :(

How do you deal with criticism online? Sorry you had to go through that...

hi anon 🫂 i'm so so sorry that i have only seen this now 😭 not very good at scrolling past new notifications 😭😭 i'm going to answer this ask whilst assuming that you mean criticism as mean/hate.

to be perfectly honest: i don't handle it well. I've gotten some here and there, yet it seems like i still haven't developed 'resistance' towards it. but i guess for me, i take a step back and think about whether it might be a 'valid' attack or not. so for example, are they attacking my work because they just don't like it (which in that case, don't read it), or are they attacking my work because i forgot to put certain warnings?

i guess the latter isn't really an attack (but i perceive it in that way because i panic at that fact that i probably hurt someone when i had every chance not to). if it's the latter case, i usually just tell myself over and over again to learn from it and make sure to take extra care for my future works and edit old ones. this is a long process.

if it's the former, i usually think about it for a while and then remind myself that i don't write for other people. plus, people can just click away and the fact that they haven't and decided to even send a mean comment tells me that they have quite spare time in their hands imo (and they just decided to spend it on me because well, they're reading my work and i'm the most available to them at that moment to receive such a mean ask)

another one is just making sure that i have supportive friends as well around me. after that, i turn off asks for a while (which seems like i'm running away but you just gotta do what you have to do), and slowly turn it back on with anon off, then back to 'normal' with anon on.

i'm assuming that you're sending this because you're going through something similar. if so, i'm so sorry that it's happening to you. don't let their words get to you (WAY easier said than done) because it's your page and your writing style, and you should keep that close to you. if you change it, it's no longer yours. and when it's no longer yours, there's a big chance that you no longer will find joy in your works either. don't do that to yourself as it's very unfair (and ofc, the person is also very unfair to you).

block the account/anon! no shame in that! you're just creating a safe space for yourself! that's what matters most!

this is your reminder that if the person you label as your friend is truly a friend, they will never let you compare yourself with them.

they will pull you back up, and make you feel like there's no need to compare between you and them. they will make you feel like even though they might be in a better situation than you are, they will make remind you that circumstances are different and incomparable. even if you guys are both trying to achieve the same end point, in a competitive setting (not you being competitive with them and vice versa, but just the setting of the goal you're trying to achieve).

this is also your reminder that if you need to cry for an hour straight, you should also be able to go to that friend.

hi izzy

do you remember when everyone was telling you to be chill in first year because "it's just first year and it doesn't count toward honours"? for whatever reason, whether it be determination or anger over previous scores that you didn't manage to achieve, you decided to treat the first year like the final year before graduation. that's good and all, of course, but a balance should be found.

but then do you also remember when suddenly you got an offer into the degree you're at right now and getting into honours is now way easier than before? when you realised it was those exact same first year scores that got you here? yeah...just remember that. remind yourself that if you try your best, the uni will recognise that and you will recognise that

from izzy

hi izzy

65% is not a fail

it's just 35% where you could improve

from izzy

“Until you change your thinking, you will always recycle your experiences.”

— Unknown

just trying to remind myself that a 65% is not the end of the world 🫂

mama a girl behind you 💜

tbh i had no idea what this meant so i had to search it up...

AND I STILL DON'T GET IT I'M SORRY 😭😭 I KNOW I'M A LOST CAUSE HELP MEEEEE 😭😭

(oop at least you got the moot emojis ig...😭😭 lmk if you want a certain (well two) emojis tho dsjksfhd)

“Allow yourself to be a beginner. No one starts off being excellent.”

— Unknown

“The mind is beautiful because of the paradox. It uses itself to understand itself.”

— Adam Elenbaas

miss you && love u sm izzy ♥︎

i miss and love you more mwah 😘

thank you for including me zanna and @hursheys 🥹 i miss and love you both so much 🫂 hope life has been treating you well

(this was a good mix imo 🥰)

join in: @littleroaes @mosviqu @kyeop-tato @sanaxo-o @snowflakewhispers @hyungseos-cafe @itsbeeble @halaboyz @winterchimez @justalildumpling @ashonheavenscloud @mars101 @astrae4 @dreamyzhou @jaehunnyy + anyone else!!

tag game: put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle & let your friends pick their favorite of the first five songs!

Thanks for tagging @paperwalwal! (I've never done one of these so this was fun lol)

Tagging @slytherinshua and @thepixelelf if you guys want to do it too!

“I wish I didn’t care all the time.”

— Unknown

[21:15] | nct huang renjun

“Don’t listen to society. Don’t look at their views. You're beautiful and I love you as you are. I promise.”

pairing » nct huang renjun x gn!reader (fast proofread once - lmk if i missed anything!)

trope/au » ​established relationship au!, non-idol au!

genre » hurt/comfort, fluff and angst (pretty balanced imo), renjun is concerned for your wellbeing, but he loves you and is willing to show that anytime!, renjun is comforting and patient, best boyfriend huang renjun, renjun letting you steal his clothes instead of buying new ones

word count, estimated reading time » 772, ~3 mins

warnings (lmk if i missed anything!) » reader has trouble with body image, reader struggles with body changes in gaining and losing weight, mentions of being stuck between two clothing sizes, weighing body in the first few parts of the story, reader implied medium to long length hair, renjun is taller and physically bigger than the reader

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 nct dream masterlist 🤍 'especially to you...'

to the you who has doubted the image that any reflective mirror has shown you. surround yourself with people who love you as you are and love yourself as you are. you don't need to change and you don't need to force yourself to change.

if you stay true to yourself, treat your body with kindness, you will be able to see yourself in a healthier light.

it's not easy and it never was. the journey to be able to fully smile at yourself when you've been drowned in doubt is hard but i will pray that day for you will come.

It stares you dead in the eyes.

The meeting of the double arrow-like lines would only appear when you put a considerable amount of yourself with the help of gravity. Then when you do, it blinks alive, calculating the shift of your body and the amount of pressure you would willingly give them. You passed the single-digit stage a long time ago, the same time that you overgrew your baby crib. As you age and mature, you watch the first number change and morph, the next number coming along as it accommodates the changes in your body.

It doesn’t help that the scale is reflective, the fear in your eyes clear and the gulp of your throat resonated deeply in your head as you thought of the amount of food that you digested along with the lack of movement that spreads the entire week.

Maybe you shouldn’t have gone shopping today.

Or maybe, you should’ve never gone clothes shopping at all.

Your mind goes back to the image reflected on the shiny surface of the changing room. It tells you that even though you have made progress, the outfit that wraps around your skin isn't as pretty as you depicted on the mannequin by the big shop window.

Hypnotised to see the truth, your other foot raises, leaving condensation on the marbled floor due to stress. But before it could form a footprint on the glass, a pair of arms lifted you, kicking the machine to the best he could given the non-slip stickers on its bottom for user safety.

“You’ve just weighed yourself ten minutes ago,” the fact whispered in your ear directly. Renjun tightens his hold around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. “Talk to me, bubs.”

The worried gaze falls upon you as soon as you turn your head sideways. Tears well up in your eyes when Renjun gives a half smile, eyes tender and fingers reaching to swipe the loose strands of hair that tickle your vision. 

“I just feel stuck,” you confessed, hitching rapid breaths with the way your boyfriend turns you to face him, lower body slightly bent to face you head-on. “I tried a bunch of clothes today and I feel like I'm stuck between the two sizes—it just feels like,” your eyes wander around the place, the room seemingly spinning and the tears clouding your view.

Renjun’s hands envelop your shaking ones, pulling them closer to the beating of his chest, in an attempt to ground you back to the present. His heartbeat runs through your fingertips, slowly matching his calming ones and eventually syncing when he instructs you to breathe in the cooler air through your nose and exhale the carbon dioxide through your mouth.

“Those clothes aren't good enough for you then,” Renjun’s brown orbs intently focus on your tear-stricken ones. Without another notice, he cups your cheek, his thumb giving reassuring swipes to your itchy and sticky skin from the salt water. “They don't deserve to be put on your beautiful body.”

It sends chills down your system, closing your eyes to further focus on the tapping of his pointer on the back of your palm. Renjun nods, humming to the count of his fingers on your skin, seeing how your throat stops constricting by your cries, hushing you and pressing delicate kisses on your spent eyelids.

“Don’t listen to society. Don’t look at their views. You're beautiful and I love you as you are. I promise,” Renjun’s sincerity hits your body in a warm wave and your eyes are now crying for a different reason. “Oh?” He exclaims amusedly, the hand on your cheek still holds yours to guide your now relaxed face into the broadness and safety of his chest.

Renjun sways his body, alternating his body weight between his legs. A hand is wrapped securely around your waist, the other crossing diagonally across the back of your head. The fingers on top found a home in your scalp, massaging your negative thoughts away.

“I love you too, Junnie.” 

The nickname that sounds even lovelier gives his heart life, chuckling and hugging you tighter as he lets out a prolonged squeal, commenting on how adorable you are to him.

Renjun pulls you away momentarily, swooping in for his lips to meet yours, calmly and sweetly, caring and patient. It flows through his gesture and he’s glad you know how much he loves you with the way the corners of your lips could reach your ears.

“Besides,” he starts between the medley of pecks on your face, “why are you shopping for clothes when you're always stealing mine?”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 nct dream masterlist 🤍 'especially to you...'

tags: @k-films @kflixnet @starlit-network @kstrucknet

big hugs to anyone who needs it 🫂 and this is my story based on this post 🫂

shout out to the girls that hate their bodies but are trying really really hard to find the beauty and comfort in them because that shit is hard and takes a lot of time and is emotionally exhausting. i’m proud of y’all.

thank you for 100+ interactions!!

[02:04] | tbz lee jaehyun | hyunjae

» ​PAIRING: tbz lee jaehyun (hyunjae) x fem reader​ » TROPE/AU​: friends 2 lovers (mentioned from backstory!), non-idol au! established relationship au! marriage au! » GENRE​: fluffy fluff, slight angst (?), ​husband hyunjae, he's super patient and understanding, hurt/comfort, wedding vows (it's so cute, i love it) » WORD COUNT: ​3743 » ESTIMATED READING TIME: ~14 mins » WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): mentions of pregnancy, insecurities, mentions of a broken family/childhood (reader's side), proofread once

my second timestamp story! thank you for all the love on the first one! (pst! it's sunwoo! 🦝) hopefully, this one lives up to your expectations! (if there are any uwu). sorry for my weird, unscheduled, random posting times > <

shoutout to my mum who (i bet) went through a lot to make sure i would grow up well. thank you for always reminding me that you don't regret having me and loving me with all your being. love you mumma! 💗

navi/masterlist!!

You remembered when you tucked yourself into bed alone after reminding Jaehyun to come to bed soon. He was so close to finishing his work that you didn’t want to force him out of his zone, understanding that he would feel more peaceful if he finished it sooner even if it meant ruining his internal body clock a little bit for it.

Opening your eyes and taking a deep breath in the calming darkness, you smiled at the arm that rested across your now flat stomach. During your whole pregnancy stages, especially when that wicked pregnancy pillow put a physical barrier between you and your loving husband, he would at least reach out and hold your hand (or particularly your stomach bump), a huge downgrade from how his chest would completely be on your back and he hushes you asleep with his soft snores. 

You knew as soon as you turned your head to the right that Jaehyun managed to finish his work, a neutral smile on his face as compared to the slight pout and the subtle crease between his eyebrows as he sometimes grunts in his sleep from the past few days. An affectionate gaze falls upon your eyes when Jaehyun grunts and scoots over to your side of the bed, his unconscious mind telling him to move closer to his wife after he throws the pillow away to the other side of the room in excitement as soon as your new family arrived home three days ago. You chuckle at the way his right hand past the top of your stomach to hook your waist and pull you closer to him. Now half awake, Jaehyun made himself comfortable by burrowing his nose and lips into the crook of your neck and you immediately looked up towards the ceiling to let him do so.

A satisfied hum comes out from the man beside you, “This is nice.” He brushes the warm skin of your neck with his colder nose and his soft lips press multiple kisses from your jawline to your right shoulder.

“Jae.” You chuckle at his playful nature, “Go back to sleep, hm? You have work tomorrow.”

Jaehyun groans at the grim reminder. He’s been at home ever since you came back home, using up some of his leave days to take care of you and your newborn child. He was about to use it all but you stopped him, convincing him that you’re able to take care of yourself and your child, moreover to save those days in case a ‘real’ emergency does occur. Every day and every moment, you look at your husband who you treasure so much and you can’t help but think about how much you love this man with all your heart, mind and soul.

“Don’t remind me of that, bubs.” Finally opening his eyes, he relied on the subtle moonlight that seeped through your curtains and looked at your side view with ‘that’ gaze. 

‘That’ gaze that reminds you every day that you’re worth it for you. ‘That’ gaze that he kept even after ten years of meeting each other. ‘That’ gaze that was plastered on his face when he went down on one knee to propose to you. ‘That’ gaze that was present when he read his wedding vows and wiped the tears on your face when you read yours. ‘That’ gaze (mixed with immense happiness and excitement) when you told him you were pregnant. 

It holds many meanings and you were sure that the list would continue, building from all the blessed experiences so far.

Only chuckling at the way that he pouts cutely at you, you turn your body to face him, creating a small gap between you both as you press a peck on his lips, “Thank you for using your leave days to take care of us.”

“Of course, I would.” Jaehyun shook his head slightly to validate his point, “You both are my whole world. I can’t afford to lose you or baby.” It was the way that your eyes slightly pooled with tears that he replaced the pout and shushing the soft whimpers that left your now shaky lips, “Hey…what’s wrong?”

Your once small cries amplified drastically and Jaehyun’s eyes widened in shock, quickly pulling you into his embrace. He slips his left hand under your neck, bringing your tear-stricken face into his chest as you sob in his arms. Jaehyun comfortingly whispers sweet nothings into your ear, patting your head and pressing occasional kisses on your forehead. You stayed wordless for a while, enjoying the company and how close your entire body could be now after you gave birth.

“Catch your breath. I’ll be right here.” Jaehyun reminds you between your tired gasps for air, “I’ll always be here next to you, waiting for you, loving you more and more with each passing day.”

You couldn’t do anything but just nod, your heart melting at the sincere words, “I’m scared.”

“Of what, bubs?”

“Like,” You started, audibly voicing out the thoughts that have been swarming and eating you alive inside and out, “what happens if I mess up?”

It isn’t the first time that you had this kind of conversation. The very first time was when the adrenaline from your system was drained after announcing that positive pregnancy test to Jaehyun. You voiced out your worries as an upcoming parent, worried that you would accidentally pass down your problems, anxiety and worries to your child. Out of everything you want the most in the world, all you want is for your children to grow up without your traumas and problems affecting them because that’s not the kind of life that they deserve. Of course, that’s unrealistic. Children are indeed a slight depiction of their parents and how they would act around other people outside the family says a lot about how their parents raised them.

You can just imagine a situation where your anxiety takes over, you crouch down to be eye level with your extremely young child, giving them a lecture about what they should or shouldn’t do, extending that talks to both extreme sides of ‘what if’s and how they should just be more careful, less daring and---

“Jae, promise me that you’ll make sure she doesn’t grow up like me.” It was a desperate plea, almost as if you would walk out of their lives in the next second. The anxiety completely took over your body as you clenched Jaehyun’s shirt in your fist as a physical response, looking up at him desperately and Jaehyun’s eyebrows crashed together, “She doesn’t deserve that, Jae. Those silent cries, hating everyone around me, feeling like no one loved me and wanting to just end---”

“Don’t.” It was stern yet it still held a lot of patience and love. Jaehyun smiles sadly at the words that he has heard multiple times but even so, he would never stop reminding you of all the things he loves about you. He would never stop hugging you, holding your body and pulling you towards him, giving you all his love and company, “Don’t say that about yourself when you’re the reason why I wake up happy every day, bubs.”

“But Jae---”

“You know,” He whispers into the silent yet wavering night. Jaehyun takes a deep inhale of the air, tilting his head to rest his chin on the top of your head, “I was so scared of losing you as time went on.”

You calmed down, shutting your eyes as you focused on his heartbeat to pull you back to the present time. Jaehyun just smiles at the slightly open door of your room and he reminds himself of his newborn child on the other side of their bedroom door. When you hummed confusingly at his words, your husband just nodded, “Why were you scared?”

“Well,” If it wasn’t for the fact that your face was hidden into his collarbone, you would be able to see the blushing mess that Jaehyun was. A deep red blush was on his face, spreading to his ears; but you did feel the warmth on his neck as you kissed his skin delicately and it made Jaehyun more of a mess, “of course if it didn’t work out and you didn’t feel the same way, it would become awkward and even though we were such close friends, I knew that if I was rejected, I wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with you anymore. I really could’ve lost you.”

You never really knew this about Jaehyun. Whenever you asked about the day that he confessed to you to be his girlfriend, he only talked about his plans and how your mutual friends all pushed him to confess to you. You also told him about how the same mutual friends pushed you to confess back to him, yet you were a coward that you became used to telling yourself that if you ever ended up with Jaehyun, it would only hinder him in life; because who would love a broken girl when they could love a perfect one instead?

And so when he confessed, asked for a chance and promised to love you dearly after two years of mutual pining, you didn’t realise that time flew by so quickly that on the sixth year when Jaehyun kneeled and asked for your hand in marriage two years ago, a sudden hit of ‘reality’ (or so you called it) crashed into you. 

You really did find love when you thought for the longest, most tiring and hardest times when you didn’t think anyone would love you as you are. Seriously, how could anyone love you when you were still so stuck between believing and convincing yourself that you are enough? 

“I knew I had to take a chance,” Jaehyun continues his thoughts, “because when I closed my eyes and realised that if I didn’t at least try to make you mine, you might just completely slip from my life. Selfishly as well, I didn’t want to see you smiling in another person’s arms and kissing that person every time you wake up and go to sleep.”

The thought of you two doing just that ever since you moved in together five years ago suddenly made you blush and you couldn’t help but let out a string of complaints. Jaehyun just laughs (and quietly lets out a sigh of relief) when you finally release his shirt, wrapping your small hands around his bigger build instead, “I’m sorry that I didn’t realise that you went through all that.”

“No, it’s alright.” He reassures you again for the nth time in the last hour, “I have you now. You are all I ever wanted.” Pulling away and reaching to cup your wet cheeks, his thumbs swipe your almost dry cheek, offering you that familiar warmth that only he could give, “It’s all worth it in the end.”

“Really?” Another tear managed to slip out of your eyes and you couldn’t help but stare at him apprehensively as the devil inside your mind managed to manipulate your thinking, “I’m such a high-maintenance person, Jae…I really wouldn’t blame you if you wake up one day and decide to just…” He shakes his head throughout your small speech, knowing the similar words that you would say to him once in a while, “leave…” It came out quieter than you thought, maybe because he already knew anyway, hence saying it again and again, the red-horned creature in your mind rejoices as your childhood traumas reminded you of how worthless you are to the world.

Usually at this time, Jaehyun would rebut your words immediately but the silence had your heart dropping and for a while, you thought that you had taken the words out of his mouth. Jaehyun kept his tired stare and suddenly you were aware of your dry mouth as you waited for any sort of words from your husband. He removes the hand that was on your cheek, reaching behind to grab his device from the bedside table, “Hold on, okay?”

For a second, you really thought this was it for the both of you. During these moments of much-needed comfort, Jaehyun has always given you his undivided attention but now as the blue light reflects on his squinting eyes, you couldn’t help but let the tears flow down your eyes once again. Did he finally give up on me? Were the only thoughts that swarmed your mind as you watched how his thumb scrolled and colours reflected on the smooth surface of his dewy skin, “Jae?” Time made you desperate for a response and you were about to clench on his shirt again when he let out a small ‘aha’ and played the video on his phone.

You recognised the scene on his phone immediately without looking. The familiar scene, cheers, whooping and excitement radiating off the background noises had you sobbing again. Jaehyun sets the volume, puts his phone back on the bedside table and gives you his attention again, “My mum was sorting videos on her phone when she came across this and sent it to me.” He presses a comforting kiss on your lips and calms your shaking body, “I’m sure you remember this right?”

You just nod and Jaehyun pulls your face into his chest once again, letting the sound from the video consume you both into your worlds.

“As soon as you stepped into those classroom doors, all eyes were on you and undoubtedly mine too.” You were already starting to tear up just from the first few sentences, “Ah…I only just started…” You scanned your next words, just sniffling from the longer sentences that you didn't know how to not cry to while the audience let out words of encouragement and small laughs. 

Your soon-to-be husband steps towards you, kissing the side of your head, “Should I go first?”

“Do you mind?” You laugh, feeling embarrassed. 

“Not at all.” Jaehyun takes out his paper from his suit, taking the microphone from you, “I already knew this would happen guys.” He announced to the audience and you rolled your eyes jokingly, “Ok…I’ll start.”

You knew very well that your eye makeup was most probably ruined and you looked some sort of a mess at the moment so you couldn’t help but stare down at the floor. Jaehyun gives you a quick kiss on the crown of your head, swooning the audience with his romantic gesture making him chuckle before clearing his throat and starting his vows.

“I remember the day I walked into that classroom on my first day of school. No doubt, I didn’t want to be there. Not just at that school or at that classroom: I just didn’t want to be in Seoul. The sudden move because of my dad’s work made me leave all the memories I had in Incheon in a month and as an innocent young child who was already happy with everything, I didn’t want to leave.

Alas, even my mother told me we had to go and that’s when I knew that moving was inevitable. School work was already hard as it was and I had to move to a big city where I knew no one, having to start all over again from the ‘Hi. My name is Lee Jaehyun. I hope we’ll get along well.’ really made me reach the peak of my mood swings during puberty.”

Jaehyun alternates his eye contact between you and the audience who reacts to the groom with happiness, and laughter as some of his closest friends give him encouraging, funny body language. He points them out and the said friends complain whilst the audience just laughs at the group of boys on the side of the stage. However, it was how you finally raised your head and laughed along that made Jaehyun join in as well.

“For the first few weeks, I didn’t make an obvious effort to fit in. As you know, I joined clubs and did after-school activities. Studying was still my priority at this point but even that became so mundane and boring that I crashed and burnt out after a while. But maybe, the burnout was just what I needed because that was how I first met you. Had I not cried in the corner of the library in the ironically ‘health and wellbeing’ section, would you have even spoken to me? Would you have crouched down and tapped on my shoulder to ask if I was okay? Would you have sat down next to me silently as you read your book, waiting for me to answer your question?

The answer is: yes. Or at least I would like to believe so.

Why? Because no one will fully ever understand how much I love you. Maybe if it wasn’t that day in the library, I would’ve met you later. How much later, nobody knows and nobody will ever know because I’m about to marry that girl who made my day so much better in the library. But what I do know is that no matter when, where, why or how we would’ve met, I would have still fallen in love with your smile, your pout, your laugh, and the way you cutely complain about how I mess up your bubble tea order,” Jaehyun gives you a cheeky smile and you just scoff with a smile on your face, “the way you would cry in my arms when you had a bad day, the way you would drop everything when I have a bad day, the way you would try your best to stay awake until I’m done with my other priorities. 

But bubs, I hope you’ll always know that you’ll forever be my first, most top priority.

Even as we fight, cry and shout at each other words that we don’t mean, I hope you’ll always be able to go to sleep thinking that I’ll still love you. I’ll still be right by your side when your insecurities come by and pass. I’ll always remind you that you’ll always be enough no matter what you do. Your best will always be enough and I hope I’ll always be that person who can be your safe, happy place.”

No doubt now that you’re sobbing and when you look at your parents sitting down not far from the stage, your heart does clench a bit as you’re reminded of your childhood. Seeing them cry over Jaehyun’s words does seem a little bit strange to you as they never really minded your words whenever you were struggling with life. But then you remind yourself of what Jaehyun said to you a few seconds ago.

“I know for sure that you’ll always be enough for me.” Jaehyun continues, taking your mind off your parents as he looks at you understandingly, “I love you and I know I’ll continue to love you until the day I take my last breath. I’ll take care of you even when you’re not sick or feeling well, cherish all of you and be there for you even after death because I love you so much, sweetheart.”

The recording ended there and Jaehyun relished in the way that your body stopped shaking, your arms around his waist securely and your breathing back to normal. He knows instantly that you feel better just from those small actions. He also didn’t miss the smile that grew on your face even though you were literally cuddled up against his body, “So,” the deep whisper from your husband only made you push your face even further up his body, now burying your face into his collarbone, “I just want to tell you that she will grow up beautifully just like her mother. Also, we’ll get through this together. Parenting isn’t supposed to be a one-person job after all.”

Nodding and burrowing yourself into the crook of his neck, you appreciate the way his words reminded the devil in the back of your head as it stomps off in defeat. The words supported the angel that finally won and it replaced the red creature, kicking the red light away to replace your body with a calming, soothing feeling that soon takes over your whole body, “I love you, Jae.”

“I love you too.” The warmth of the night overpowered the chilly night and the two of you held each other so lovingly that the weight of your eyelids eventually became too heavy for you to hold. Jaehyun waits patiently until sleep fully takes over you, fighting his yawn from escaping his mouth. Quietly, he just continued to stroke your exposed waist delicately, kissing your lips one last time before reminding you once more, “Always.”

It’s all very fortunate that your mind is now at ease and that you both were able to sleep after. But parenting duties call about half an hour later when cries are heard from the other side of the house and both your eyes open instantly. You were the first one to untangle your body from Jaehyun and you looked over to your husband who was still stirring himself awake again for the second time of the night as you both sat up on the bed, “I’m sorry.” You kiss him on the lips, cradling the back of his head and pushing his chest back down on the bed, “I’ll get her. Get back to sleep, Jae.”

“No no, I’ll go.” You disapprovingly groan at your husband who managed to push his sleepiness aside and sit up once again, his head hanging down in exhaustion, “Wha---bubs.” Instantly, you pushed him back down on the bed, pulling the blanket over up until his chin.

You adamantly tell your husband to try and go back to sleep. Jaehyun fakes his nod and closes his eyes, an idea popping up in his head as he plots to joke around with his wife. When you swing your legs over to the side of the bed, ready to stand up once more, Jaehyun quickly hugs you from behind, pressing a kiss on the back of your ear where you’re the most ticklish and sensitive. 

You froze at his actions and even though his sleepy voice was still evident, you could also hear all the love that he could offer you in this world with his playful tone, “Race you there, bubs.”

Jaehyun called in sick the next day.

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