Going From Detailed Outline To Full Text When You're Writing A Fic Is So Funny Because The Story I've

Going from detailed outline to full text when you're writing a fic is so funny because the story I've alread written keeps fucking happening to me

Like what do you mean it has a point? When the fuck did that story about misunderstandings and trauma and making fun of the batfam for making assumptions while also feeling sorry for them turn into asking uncomfortable questions about my career choices ? Where did that Diana/Cass parallel come from? Why is my therapist highjacking my story???!!

I once had a friend who said "of course I trust the people I love, how could you love someone if you didn't trust them? Of course I trust you, otherwise I couldn't love you." I didn't know how to tell her that to me, love had almost always hurt, that I had grown so used to betrayal that I had trained my ears to twist promises into truths so this hope wouldn't hurt when they ripped out of my chest. I didn't have to say much, I think, she saw me flinch at the slightest noise, and knew I didn't understand, and so I hope she never does.

I do not love in spite of all this rage. I rage because I love, and I want to know a love that doesn't hurt, I want the knife in my back to burn with pain instead of this dull ache of pulling my hair up and offering my shoulder blades again, again, while I dig my fist in the ground to punish something else. There is so much love in me and it should make you scared. It terrifies me. Like a raptor dying with its love clutched into its bent talon, I would rather die than let go of the hand pulling at my hair. I want to learn to let go. I want to learn to love less. I want a promise I can believe but words have been ruined for me.

Now all I do is scream.

In Spain without the S

j u s t g o n n a s t a n d t h e r e a n d w a t c h

m e B U R N ?

Batfam All For The Game AU can you imagine

Coach Wayne making the most fucked up team in the whole exy league

And then they get their shit together and randomly become the objective best at the job (on the first time too!)

The Renee /Cass parallel are incredible

Goalkeeper Cass and defensive dealer Steph, Steph is nicknamed "the wildcard" because she's so unpredictable nobody knows what she's gonna do next not even her and yet somehow the team gets it?!!! She and Cass have a special move where Steph shoots backwards directly into the goal to free the terrain and Cass sends it right back at her no matter where she runs

Striker Dick doing acrobatics over the backliners to avoid getting bodyslammed, and the kinetic force of the flips and deny in the law of physics adds impetus to the hit of the racket and gets him mid-air scoring shots

Offensive dealer Jason cause he's aggressively versatile (he used to train as a striker in the little league, then stuff happened and he was taught to become a backliner for a while, and then when he came to join the Gotham Bats he went through a whole crisis arc to reinvent himself at first it's such a disaster)

Striker Duke striker Duke striker Duke it just makes sense this kid happened on an exy scuffle randomly as a kid and this guy thrice his size was bullying someone and Duke jumped in and the bully bet Duke couldn't score a goal so Duke said bet and immediately scored like in the pilot episode of a least nine different sports anime, and that's when Duke decided he wanted to be an exy striker

Backliner Tim fucks so hard this guy is holding the line no matter what happens he doesn't need to be built like a fridge he has technique and strategy and a whole lotta confidence (I'm also just a sucker for stories where characters get in positions that you wouldn't assume work with their build but it actually works really well because of their skills/hard-work/grit/general aura)

Damian who thought he had to prove himself as a striker (he trained for striker since the little league) and then reinvented himself as a defensive dealer

Barbara was goalie and then after she became disabled decided to stay and monitors training and collects information on the enemy teams to design deadly strategies. In no post-win interview does the designated speaker forget to credit Barbara's strategy for their win, partially because it's very true and partially out of fear of offending her (very valid).

Professional Exy player Kate Kane agrees to help coach the kids (she's a backliner)

Bruce is retired but he was a goalie

Harper is a backliner (and Cullen a cheerleader!!)

Luke Fox is a backliner

(also unlike in Aftg, while Bruce does find out one of the kids is his blood son he adopts all of them. Equal opportunity hoarder.)

I'm always thinking about Jason because fixation so my judgement is biaised because every song I listen to makes me think about at least one of my Jasons, but here are some songs though were definitely written for and about canon Jason Todd, and I will take no criticism (but you are definitely welcome to add your own songs):

-Take me To War, by The Crane Wives

>"But I keep snapping at Goliath hands with all of my tiny might"/ "All of the fire I swallowed, all of the sparks that went down in my guts, I am always burning out"/ "I'll be the sweetest thing to ever scare you"

The Robin -> Red Hood transition is so seamless

-Little Soldiers by the Crane Wives

> "On the broken back of all the words we spared, Like little soldiers in the trenches; It was a march we made towards ruin and despair, But we held hands all the while"

I always rant about how how Jason's character and story is centered around love, this is the song that plays in my head while I'm yapping

-Blue Lips by Regina Spektor

> "He took a step but then felt tired, He said I'll rest a little while; but when he tried to walk again, he wasn't a child"

If you ever wanna be sad about Jason's resurrection, catatonia and stolen childhood, this is the song to listen to

-The Horrors and The Wild by The Amazing Devil

"Think of all the horrors that I promised I'd bring, I promise they'll sing of every Time you passed your fingers through my hair and called me child, Witness me old man I am the Wild"

> If Under The Red Hood has one song it's this one

-The Old Witch Sleep and The Good Man Grace by The Amazing Devil

"There's a fire burning/And I'm learning to be/So much more than my tiredness/ So much more than that old witch sleep wishes/ She kisses my eyelids, and I/Breathe"

> If Red Hood: Lost Days (minus the gross bits) has one song it's this one

-Elsa's song by The Amazing Devil

>"And you'll throw some sage and lillies/ And roses where I'll rot/ Of all the flowers you picked/I knew you would forget/ Forget-me-nots"

idk who Elsa is this is about how Jason was grieved but he wasn't remembered

(Yeah I'm pretty convinced that at least either Madeline Hyland or Joey Batey read Under the Red Hood so many of their songs fit so well I restrained myself to three but there are so many)

-A Burning Hill by Mitski

>"I'm tired of wanting more, I think I'm finally worn/ For you have a way of promising things/ And I've been a forest fire"

Jason admitting loss and giving up on begging Bruce is something that can be so personal actually

-Heaven Knows by The Pretty Reckless

>"Now you're on your knees with your head hung low/ Big Man tell you where to go/ Tell them it's good, tell them okay/Don't do a goddamn thing they say"

Crime Alley united!!! Also, "tell the big guy I said hello" :))) (the God/Batman amalgam in Death in the Family is such an incredible one-liner and works so well for Jason omg)

-For the Departed by Shayfer James

>"Now I must finished what I started/I'll write a symphony for the departed/And I have no time for second chances/ So I survive on bourbon blood and backward glances"

The amount of angst, dramatics and intense devotion to his cause at the cost of his life, the literature references, everything about this song? Jason at his angstiest for sure

-Goodbye by Bo Burnham

> "If I wake up in a house that's full of smoke I'll panic/So call me up and tell me a joke/ When I'm fully irrelevant and totally broken dammit/ Call me up and tell me a joke /Oh shit/ You're really joking at a time like this"

exploded warehouse parallel aside, this song feels like not being able to heal because you're not capable of asking for what you really need, wanting to come back but feeling like you aren't allowed to because it would ruin you or the you that was shaped by other's perception of you and most importantly, begging to matter and to have mattered. So. Jason.