Mlysg

Mélység

Miért nem segít senki?

Ha szólítom, miért nem felel?

Elvesztem itt a kéklő végtelenben

Kérlek segíts! – már nem érem el

Az alját – körös-körül csak végtelen

Mindent befedő kékség

Átmos a fejemen, a mélybe nyom

Nyújtanám kezem – nem tudom

Sikoltanék, de nem lehet

Sós ízű kéz a torkomon

Marja a számat, marja a bőrőm

Hörögve tisztulok az élettől

Nyújtanám kezem – nem tudom

Csak Őt érem – csak Ő van ott

Azt mondja ne félj, kezed fogom

Vigyora csupasz csont

Lehúz a mélybe

Nézek az égre – van olyan?

Minden kék, részvéttelen

Hideg kék – reszket a csontom

Ég a torkom, láng emészt fel

Szövetet marja, megtöri húsom

Sértetlen vagyok, mégis süllyedek

Apró buborékokban látom az életet

Having a friend with mental health issues is actually terrible, because you have a normal, everyday conversation, and then they make a self-depricating joke or a joke about suicide. And they laugh, and you should laugh too, you know about coping with humor, but you can’t because you worry too much. You know them from a long time, and you remember the highs and you remember the lows, and your stomach gets tangled into a knot. You should laugh, but it’s too late, the mood is ruined now, they stop smiling and you hate yourself for making things awkward. So force a smile, but it’s fake, and they know you too much, and you actually just made the whole situation worse, and you hate yourself. You wish you could lie better or care less or just be different but this is how you are, and you had loved ones before struggling with this shit, and you are worried, and you don’t know how to give them what they need. You don’t even know what they need, you never understood people, and you want to, but it’s like there is a glass wall separating you. And you’re scared that you’re gonna let them down, and you try harder. It’s like walking on eggshells, but you don’t actually see the eggshells and you aren’t even sure there are any eggshells at all, because you’re overthink everything and this was supposed to be a normal conversation. You can’t have a normal conversation, because you overthink. So you try to be better, and next time you laugh, but still aren’t sure, if this is what they need, and your stomach is in a knot.

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

poor dude,,just misses his wife is all

Pilinszky scored the biggest win yesterday, because while my teacher was reading “Apokrif” out loud I heard one of my classmates mutter “jesus christ” at one of the more intense lines

so i made a thing