Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 4

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 4

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Raph: If you could guess, how many brain cells do you have? Splinter: Dorito’s cool ranch. Raph: Raph: I'm just gonna assume zero for now. Splinter: I love that song.

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April: What did you two do?

Donnie: Leo:

April: You’re not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to the police again or not.

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Mikey: That's not funny. Draxum: I thought it was funny. Mikey: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

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Casey II: Just took a personality test and got an A+.

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The Squad: *walking at the mall* Big Mama: Hey, have any of you guys seen Repo? They’ve been gone for a while.. Meat Sweats: Eh, nope. Warren: No, I haven’t... Hypno: Probably ran off to McDonald’s or something. Repo: Hey. Big Mama: Ooh, there you are- Meat Sweats: What the fu- Hypno: I- where were you?! Repo: Walking right behind you guys.

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Cassandra: Lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this. Todd: What did you do Cassandra? Cassandra: a Mistake.

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Mikey: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to? April: Schrödinger's boys. Leo: FUCK! Raph: What about cracking open a cold milkshake? Donnie: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do. Donnie: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison. Mikey: ... April: ... Leo: ... Raph: ... Donnie: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.

Support and Love

To distract myself from the impending doom that is finals week, I'm continuing my stupid little fanfiction journey. I think I've earned it, anyway; I wrote an entire five-page history essay in four hours yesterday.

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Four days have passed since Regiomontanus initially met their prospective new siblings. They've been flitting back and forth between their temporary New York residence and the other turtles' lair, but they haven't truly spent time anywhere else. They have made a concerted effort to hide their appearance from as many people as possible. This has been effective so far; aside from their parents and a few doctors, no humans have seen their recently mutated form, at least not up close. Their stealth has also been quite necessary. Attempting to live a normal human life as a sea turtle mutant is akin to swimming through the Sahara Desert--technically possible, but not worth the trouble at all.

Sticking to the shadows isn't so bad, though. The turtles of the New York City sewers have, at minimum, been open-minded toward Gio's presence. Leonardo remains skeptical of them--not aided by their increasingly apparent similarities to his nerdiest brother--but he does not yet wish to make a scene. Raphael makes a more obvious effort to be courteous, but he too is a bit wary. The others have, for the most part, been downright pleasant. Michelangelo was the first to embrace Gio after learning of their plight, and he was even the one to suggest adopting them as a sibling; his optimism regarding the situation has not yet changed. Donatello was initially even more suspicious than Leo, but he used his logical mind and advanced technology to put his doubts to rest, and he has found some common ground to truly connect over with Gio.

At the very least, even if the siblinghood falls through, some sort of connection between Gio and the turtle brothers seems to be in the cards.

Over the past half-week, with some help from their new acquaintances, the new mutant has grown ever so slightly more accustomed to the drastic changes in their body. They are still slightly put off by their chartreuse skin coloration, but they feel a bit more at ease in the presence of spring, lime, spruce, and forest green complexions. The chocolate chip-like markings extending down each of their limbs startled them at a first glance, but their concerns have eased somewhat upon seeing appendages decorated with stripes, spikes, spots, and zig-zags. Their heavy shell threw off their balance for a while, but their center of gravity has gradually adjusted to compensate for it.

They're also discovering advantages to their new form. They have been tested by Donnie twice so far for mutation-related enhancements. Appropriately, two have been documented at this point: augmented underwater sight, and drastically increased lung capacity. Gio has made some independent observations, too. They have noted a heightened ability to hear low-frequency sounds, as well as an uncanny boost to their sense of direction. "Official" tests will be performed over the next few days to confirm that Gio's findings are real. They are exhilarated to continue making discoveries like these.

However, they also miss the feeling of a "normal" life.

As delighted as they are to be in the lair with their new companions again, they can't help but sigh wistfully as they reminisce about their human friends. Mikey hears, and he can't help but want to turn their gloom into glee.

"Hey, Gigi," the box turtle says as he seats himself next to his potential sibling. "Are you okay?"

Gio's posture corrects itself, and they snap into a more positive facade. "Oh, uh, yeah. I'm fine. Just thinking about something."

"You sure? You don't have to tell me if you don't wanna, but I also don't want you to be sad..."

The sea turtle sighs once more, this time with a marked lack of protest. "Okay... It's just... I'm still trying to come to terms with this whole 'being a turtle' thing. You and Donnie have really helped me get used to, well, physically being a turtle, but... I miss my friends. I've been texting them, and I know I can keep doing that, but I know I can't really see them again when I look like this. I used to play board games with them every day, and now I can't do that ever again." They gulp silently, barely holding back tears.

"Aww, hey, you don't know that...! If they're really your friends, they won't care how you look! They'll still love you for who you are."

"I...I know. But I can't take any risks. You know that just as well as I do..."

Mikey looks dejectedly at the floor. After a few seconds, though, his expression brightens again.

"Heeeyyyy...! You know what?"

"What...?"

"There's one human we can introduce you to."

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah! She's been friends with us for years! Just let me call her up!"

Before Gio can raise any questions, Mikey stands up and lifts them into a standing position beside him; they tower over a foot above him, yet his sheer energy and strength mitigate any issues the height difference would pose. He presses a button on his phone, then sets it down horizontally across from himself.

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"I'm doing a video call. It'll be easier for her to talk to both of us that way!"

"Uh, okay, but I wasn't expecting--"

Gio's train of thought is interrupted by a voice coming from the phone's speakers.

"Hey, Mikey, what's up?" asks the caller. Said caller is a girl with tawny brown skin, wearing red glasses and a green hoodie. Her curly, syrup-colored hair is tied up in two pigtail-like puffs.

"April! Hey! We have a new turtle mutant buddy, and since they miss their human friends, I thought I could introduce them to you!"

Gio gives a silent, shy wave.

"Aww, well, isn't that nice-- Wait, 'human friends?' You mean they're a mutated human?"

"That's what they said. We found them by complete accident, too; Raph bumped into them while he was out for a walk!"

"...Huh. Not what I would've expected, but I guess it isn't impossible..." April turns her head a bit to look at Gio. "Anyway, what's your name?"

"I...I'm... I'm Regiomontanus. I know, I know. It's a mouthful. You can just call me Gio, or Gigi, or whatever."

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Gio. I'm April," she says with a smile. In response, Gio simply nods.

"So... What kinds of things do you like? What are you interested in?"

The sea turtle is nearly frozen in place, stammering awkwardly and fidgeting with the webbing between two of their fingers. Mikey takes it upon himself to intervene.

"Well, we haven't seen much of them yet, but they seem to like science; they really like Donnie's lab. Oh, and board games! That's one of the things they loved to do with their other friends."

"I see... So we're looking at another 'Dorky Pals for Life Club' member~"

"Yeah, probably."

Gio glances up in confusion. They can't help but ask, "What's the 'Dorky Pals for Life Club?'"

April gives a playful smirk. "That's just a little nickname I gave myself and Donnie for being such huge dorks."

"Ah. Then, yeah, I'd fit right in--if you'll have me, that is."

"Why don't we get together in person first? Then we'll see."

"Y-yeah, that sounds good."

"Great! Me and the boys'll put something together. That okay with you, Mikey?"

"You bet!"

"Then it's settled. I'll organize everything with you guys later in the group chat. I'll talk to you later!"

"Alright, April. Bye!"

The call concludes, and there is silence for a few minutes. However, Gio eventually finds a bit of courage to break the stillness.

"Hey, uh, Mikey...?"

"Yeah?"

"...Thank you. The fact that you'd go out of your way to do something like that... That...that really meant a lot to me."

"Aww, you're welcome!" He pulls them into a hug. Gio's posture stiffens into discomfort, but they find it in themself to permit the embrace. Mikey rests his head on their arm and looks up to initiate eye contact once more.

"I know we haven't known each other that long, but I really do think you have a place in our family--and I'm not just saying that because you're a turtle now. You seem really nice, and I don't want you to feel lonely or weird. We'll always be here if you need us, okay?"

With moist eyes, Gio wraps their arms around his small body. The two turtles hug in silence until the tears and melancholy transform into laughter and merriment. They're almost sad when Donnie arrives to collect Gio for more testing, but knowing that more fun times lie ahead, the diminutive box turtle and willowy sea turtle depart with grins on their faces.

This isn't important in the slightest, but I'm proud to say that I finally have a name for my turt-sona!

Regiomontanus

Why?

Fits with the "famous Renaissance figure" theme naming of the other turtles (I could have gone the Jennika route and just used a modern human name, but that's not my style.)

Has MANY possible nicknames with varying gender expressions (Reggie, Regina, Gigi, Gio, Monty, etc.)

The IRL Regiomontanus was known for his contributions to astronomy, the field in which I wish to eventually have a career.

He was also German. I'm an American mutt, but a good chunk of my maternal ancestry is German.

So yeah. That's all.

Yes!!! I'm lucky that my school is in the middle of Amish Town, Nowhereville, USA, so the areas surrounding campus have skies dark enough to see the Milky Way. On campus, though? Blue lights everywhere, all night. The dimmest thing you'll see is maybe Polaris. And forget trying to observe the night sky close to the city. The light pollution from one small college campus is nothing compared to the light emanating from a whole city.

Oh, and to heck with non-shaded street lights. Thanks to this stupid light right in front of my house (that shines right into my bedroom window, by the way), I can't even see the Pleiades Cluster when I'm at home.

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 5

Leo: I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose.

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Mikey: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why. Donnie: Only if you also don't ask why. Donnie: *pulls four pristine human skulls out of their bag* Mikey: ... Mikey, grabbing a skull: This one will do.

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Raph: I have very high standards, you know. Big Mama: I can make spaghetti... Raph: Oh no! You're meeting all my standards!

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Draxum: What are you writing? April: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I'm letting them know it's private information. Splinter, looking over April's shoulder: This just says 'fuck around and find out' in calligraphy.

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*Foot Lieutenant dies in a game with ships* Cassandra: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us. Cassandra: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury. Foot Brute: Legend has it that Foot Lieutenant still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks. Foot Lieutenant: Of course I do.

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Piel: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you’re a coward. Hueso: I’m worried about you.

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Draxum: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Leo and Raph's convo? Splinter: Me. I'm in the laundry basket. Donnie: I'm in the washing machine. Mikey: I'm in the closet. Splinter: We accept you Mikey. <3 Mikey: No I'm literally in the closet. Splinter: Love is love. <3

~ Todd: HELP! I TOLD CASSANDRA I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK! Casey II, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Casual Aro-spec and A-spec Erasure 🙃

So, I was visiting a gallery in my home city, and they had some interesting items for sale. One of them was a neat-looking postcard from 1920s France that said "Bonne Année" (French for "Happy New Year"), and I wanted to buy it. The seller made some remark about how it will "attract my lover to me," I guess since it has a romantic picture on it. When I said that I only really want dogs in my life, she said that I'd eventually change my mind.

Then she told the cashier. They joked about it a bit, then started to put everything together so I could pay for the postcard.

I tried to just stay quiet and move on; I didn't want to cause trouble, especially since the seller knows one of my aunts. We talked about other things for a while, but then she brought it up again, unprompted. She said that I'd meet a man who's interested in the same things I am, and we'd connect. I said that I'd ideally just be friends with this hypothetical man, but she laughed it off and said once again that I'd change my mind.

So yeah. That was annoying. I know she didn't mean serious harm; she was very sweet and friendly to me otherwise, and she even gave me a 44% discount on the postcard when I went to buy it just for the heck of it. But man, I wish romance and physical attraction weren't always assumed to be parts of everyone's lives.