Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 4

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 4

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Raph: If you could guess, how many brain cells do you have? Splinter: Dorito’s cool ranch. Raph: Raph: I'm just gonna assume zero for now. Splinter: I love that song.

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April: What did you two do?

Donnie: Leo:

April: You’re not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to the police again or not.

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Mikey: That's not funny. Draxum: I thought it was funny. Mikey: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

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Casey II: Just took a personality test and got an A+.

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The Squad: *walking at the mall* Big Mama: Hey, have any of you guys seen Repo? They’ve been gone for a while.. Meat Sweats: Eh, nope. Warren: No, I haven’t... Hypno: Probably ran off to McDonald’s or something. Repo: Hey. Big Mama: Ooh, there you are- Meat Sweats: What the fu- Hypno: I- where were you?! Repo: Walking right behind you guys.

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Cassandra: Lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this. Todd: What did you do Cassandra? Cassandra: a Mistake.

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Mikey: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to? April: Schrödinger's boys. Leo: FUCK! Raph: What about cracking open a cold milkshake? Donnie: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do. Donnie: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison. Mikey: ... April: ... Leo: ... Raph: ... Donnie: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 6

Meat Sweats: Y’know, maybe things aren’t so bad. I’m here. I got the nice ocean breeze. Just alone with my thoughts. Mikey: Hey, Meat Sweats. Meat Sweats: GODDAMNIT!

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Dastardly Danny, setting down a card: Ace of spades. Malicious Mickey, pulling out an Uno card: +4. Loathsome Leonard, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you! Raph, trembling: What are we playing?!

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Donnie: How do you want your coffee? Leo: Black, like my soul. Donnie: Donnie: Leo, your soul is a latte.

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Cassandra: And here we see Casey II and April in their natural habitat. Texting eachother variations of the word "garlic bread" to try to make eachother laugh. Casey II: Gaelic bread. April: Grueling brad. Casey II: Ha ha, glamorous beans.

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Draxum: Splinter has never seen Star Wars? Big Mama, the only people in the universe who haven’t seen Star Wars are the characters in Star Wars and that’s cause they lived them, Big Mama! That’s cause they lived the Star Wars!

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Hypno: Reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold, bye!

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Huginn, holding a scooter: Muninn! Can I go outside and play with this? Muninn: Sure, whatever. I'm not your parent, okay? Huginn, running outside: Thanks Muninn! Muninn, running out after them and screaming: NOT ON THE STREET! STAY AWAY!

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Sunita: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

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Ghost Bear, explaining why they are not allowed to cook: I put the noodles in the pot and put the pot on the stove and turned the burner on high. Turns out you don't put noodles in marijuana and I almost burnt the whole house down.

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 3

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Leo: We call that a traumatic experience. Leo, turning to Raph: Not a "bruh moment". Leo, turning to Mikey: Not "sadge". Leo, turning to Donnie: And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".

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Big Mama: Life is like Splinter. It's short.

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Meat Sweats: Why don't we just call it, "M.C. Donald's?" Warren: Because it just sounds like a stupid rapper's name. Repo: It'd just be like- "Eyo, it's ya boy, M.C. Donald!"

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Splinter: I am in charge of this disaster! April: I have a name, you know.

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Draxum: I'm not a morning person. I'm barely even a person.

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Donnie: Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey! Leo: But I'm a vegan. Donnie: Wakey Wakey Vegetables and Sadness.

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Raph: You're smiling. What happened? Cassandra: What? Can't I smile just because I feel like it? Casey II: Mikey tripped and fell down the stairs today.

You know how Raph is afraid of puppets, right? Well...

I might do a full list of FNAF headcanons for the Mad Dogs, but I just had to draw this.

Thomas had never seen such carnage before.

New Life, New Name

I just wanted to write a proper origin story for Regiomontanus. It won't be the best thing ever; I'm running on ~30 minutes of sleep, and fanfiction isn't my strong suit anyway. But hey, it sounds like fun. :)

~

It was supposed to be a fun day at the local aquarium. They had recently rescued an adorable green sea turtle, and it was finally being brought out on exhibit. They were even holding a little "meet and greet" so the children could get acquainted with it. Of course, the event didn't just appeal to children. People of all ages came to meet this turtle.

One such person was Grizzly, an awkward but ultimately innocuous local.

Grizzly had wished to bring their mother to the aquarium for this event, but she was occupied with tasks for work, so they went alone, promising to take pictures. They were ecstatic. They had always loved marine life; they were obsessed with dolphins as a child, but they'd eventually learned to appreciate all the creatures in the ocean. The zookeepers were allowing select guests to feed the turtle. Grizzly had never been chosen for these sorts of things, but perhaps today would be different.

Indeed, it was.

Of the five patrons chosen to feed the turtle, Grizzly was the fourth. They trembled with both excitement and fear. Their mind was racing. Holy crap, they picked me! But what if I mess up? That's stupid. You're just using tongs to move the seagrass from the bucket to the water. I'll probably find a way, though. Regardless of their worries, they would try their best to perform well. They had to. Dozens of people were watching.

Things went well at first. The grass stayed nicely in the tongs, and the turtle seemed enthusiastic to eat. However, its enthusiasm was a bit excessive; once it finished eating the grass, it went straight for Grizzly's hand. They didn't have time to react, so they received a nasty bite to the index finger. What did I tell you? WHAT DID I TELL YOU? Frightened and embarrassed, they sprinted away from the crowd, out the door, and into an empty alleyway. Finally out of the public eye, they allowed themself to break down crying. Their eyes burned as the tears streaked down their face. Their head pounded with a stress headache. They reflexively tugged at their jacket sleeve, unintentionally scratching their arm as if to fuel the pain. Even their neck ached with a sudden pinch. A sudden, searing pinch.

Wait, that wasn't right.

The blazing sensation in Grizzly's neck quickly spread throughout their entire body. They winced as their skin began to itch like the worst sunburn they'd ever had, especially around their scalp. They grunted with discomfort, then squeezed their eyes shut and screamed in agony as their fingers and toes tensed up uncontrollably. This strange attack on their body lasted only seconds, but it seemed to persist for years.

When they finally found the strength to open their eyes once more, they found that their skin had turned chartreuse. There were deep brown, oblong marks on their hands--their now webbed, three-fingered hands; a quick peek under their sleeve revealed more markings extending halfway up their arm. They glanced downward and saw their hair laying in piles around their feet. They screamed with terror, feeling their head to confirm that they were, indeed, bald. Despite their pure confusion and fear, they had only one instinct at this point.

Call Mom.

Thankfully, after a few rings, Grizzly's mother picked up.

"Hello?"

"Mom, I need help! I don't know what the heck is going on, but all my hair fell out, and my skin is green, and I only have three fingers now--!!"

"Wait, honey, slow down. What's going on? Are you hurt?"

"That's the thing! I don't know! I hurt really bad before, but I feel a little better now...! Except for, you know, LOOKING LIKE A FREAK!!!"

"Okay, okay. Well, come home so Dad and I can see what's going on. We'll take you to the hospital if it's really as bad as what you're saying."

"O-okay... I'll see you soon. I love you."

"I love you, too. Bye."

"Bye."

Grizzly dashed back to the aquarium parking lot, slipped into their car, and drove home. Their mother was shocked when she saw her poor child; their father was similarly devastated, yelling uncontrollably. They all immediately drove to the local hospital, only to be referred to a dermatologist in New York City. Great. New York wasn't far away in the grand scheme of things, but it was still inconvenient. Well, whatever. If that's what it takes to go back to normal, then so be it.

~

As Grizzly searched for the dermatologist's office, they bumped into someone. That was to be expected. It was crowded, and they weren't watching their step. They looked forward and went to apologize, only to choke on their words. The individual in front of them was huge--not as tall as their father, but beefy. To say that they were intimidated would be an understatement. However, the other person looked similarly surprised...and similarly green, if the arms poking out from his gray hoodie were anything to go off of.

"So, uh... Are you looking for the dermatologist, too?"

Great. Just great. You've done it again. Amazing social skills.

"No," he said with a chuckle. "I'm just out for a walk."

"Oh, okay. That sounds much more fun than what I'm doing. See, this happened to me, like, a week ago--" they explained, holding out a three-fingered hand.

The strange man gasped, then pulled them into a nearby alley.

"Hey, what gives?! Let me go!!"

"I think...we might have some stuff in common"

He pulled down his hood to reveal his face. Said face had a lime green complexion to match his arms, with a red bandana over his eyes that provided a nice contrast. He also had a sharp tooth sticking out from the right corner of his mouth.

"No way... No freakin' way...! I'm not alone! I'm not the only one with this crazy skin condition!!!"

"...Were you in close contact with any turtles lately?"

"...Yeah. Yeah, one bit me. Why?"

"And did you see any weird-looking bugs flying around you after that?"

"No...but it kind of felt like a mosquito bit me on the neck... and then immediately afterward, this whole mess happened... Do...do turtles and bugs cause this?"

"...Kind of. Hey, uh, I have some brothers who are also familiar with this sort of thing. Wanna meet up with them so we can all talk about this?"

"Sure. Just let me call my mom so she knows where I am."

"Got it. I'll call my brothers, too, so we can decide where to meet."

After quick phone calls on both ends, Grizzly and their new companion waited at a nearby pizzeria for his brothers. They were easily recognizable once they arrived--all with varying shades of green skin, all with different-colored bandanas on their faces. They placed an order for a large pepperoni pizza, then got down to business.

"Wow, Raph, you weren't kidding! That's the real deal, alright!" exclaimed the fellow in blue.

Grizzly winced with embarrassment.

The one clad in orange immediately turned to them with an expression of both comfort and concern. "Oh, no, he isn't making fun of you," he said. "We're just surprised that there's someone else like us!"

"Well, the doctors at home did say that they haven't seen a case like me before..."

The one donning purple glanced up from his phone. "That's because you aren't sick," he claimed boldly.

"...I'm sorry, what?"

The first of the brothers, presumably called "Raph," looked on guiltily and took a deep breath. "I'm really sorry I didn't tell you earlier," he said, "but you don't have a skin condition. None of us do. We're mutant turtles--and now, you're a turtle mutant, too. That's why I asked that one question earlier."

"...No. No. You're joking. That's literally impossible. That's not how mutation works. If my cells had been mutated that much, I'd have cancer or something. Or...or..."

The purple one piped up again. "You'd be horribly deformed? Like now? Though I'd call it less of a deformity and more of an upgrade..."

"Donnie, I swear to Pizza Supreme in the Sky, I'll--!!!" Raph shouted, just barely able to cut himself off before he could say something regrettable.

"...Yeah... I...I guess..." Grizzly slumped in their seat, clutching both sides of their head. "Hooooooly crap, what do I do...?! I can't ever show my face in school again...! And forget having a job! At least my parents still love me, but I'll be a freak forever to LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE!!!!"

The petite turtle in orange gave them a gentle pat on the shoulder. "Hey, not everyone else. You aren't a freak to us. Maybe we can be your friends--maybe even your brothers, if you want!" he suggested with a smile. "Then you might not feel so alone. I mean, you'll fit right in," he added, gesturing to his deep evergreen face for emphasis.

Though a bit uncertain, none of the others seemed actively opposed to the idea.

"W-well, I can't be your friend--or sibling--if I don't know your names..."

"Then we'll introduce ourselves. I'm Raphael, but you can call me Raph."

"Donatello--Donnie for short."

"I'm Michelangelo, or Mikey, or Michael, or Angelo. Whatever you prefer."

"And I'm Leonardo, but please, call me Leo. And you are...?"

"Well, I'm Grizzly...but honestly, I don't feel like Grizzly anymore. That's who I used to be, who I was when I wasn't...this..."

Leo gave a sly smile. "Hey, new life, new name. Who do you feel like now?"

"I dunno... If I'm going to be your sibling, then I want my name to match the theme you've got going on--Renaissance artists and inventors."

Donnie nodded in approval.

After a few minutes of scrolling on their phone, the sea turtle mutant found a new name that stood out to them:

Regiomontanus.

With a new addition to the family, the turtle siblings happily dug in to the pepperoni pizza that just arrived at their table.