About Me

☆☆ about me

hello! here’s a little about me.. we can become friends!

☆ part one

name: jaehwa (i go by jae) pronouns: she/her year: ‘04 liner zodiac: gemini mbti: isfj-a languages: english, japanese, korean lover of: fashion, tea, macarons, babybreaths, oversized hoodies, sushi, xxtra hot cheetos, butterflies, strawberry shortcake, silver accessories, rain, dance, nail designs

☆ part two

currently listening: dear sputnik by txt, unforgiven by le sserafim, alone by jimin, ganadara by iu & yea that dude, haegeum by agust d, super by seventeen

currently watching:

currently rewatching: what's wrong with secretary kim, extraordinary you, kaichou wa maid sama

currently doing: studying for final exams and also crying.. not really. listening to music and watching tv shows. but studying is true.

☆ part three

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☆ part four

the boyz ⇥ sunwoo: i swear i consider this man the love of my life. if someone told me to only choose one idol out of all idols to marry realistically, i would say him. he is literally just my type. the way he smiles and plays around with his members is so cute but on the contrast, his raps are way too cool. it's so sad.. if only there were men like him in this world.. but also like he's so smart. his wit has helped him get out of so many things; most of them that start from chanhee's anger/frustration. on second thought, do i like a bully? IM JK HES NOT A BULLY. ⇥ eric: now this man is the literal opposite. he is literally so annoying and is so loud. but why am i attracted him? like i swear to god. he is so hot when he isn’t annoying the hell out of me. he gives me la boy vibes with the backward snapbacks and the sleeveless shirts. ew.. one of my friends also went to school with him too so he's so american to me lmao... but he's actually really sweet? like despite the whole frat boy vibe, he's considerate to the team and deobis. his vlives are just so therapeutic and peaceful.

tomorrow x together ⇥ yeonjun: no cause yeonjun’s way too talented. cause his voice. his dancing. and his modeling. omg. there’s a reason why he’s called the 4th gen it boy. not only that but he’s so sweet and sensitive towards his members, family, and friends. but to moa too. oh god. i’m crying. he’s so sweet. have you seen the way he vocalizes? i feel like i'm listening to an angel. but he's also really funny too. i mean honestly all of txt is but. ⇥ beomgyu: he has bias wrecked me so much with his long hair and i’m literally so picky with who grows out hair. like i don’t want to be cancelled but like long hair just doesn’t suit some people. but he so does. and the way he pouts and complains during to do is so adorable. his annoying ass would probably tire me out if i actually knew him in real life. but i know how sensitive and sensual he really is. and that's what makes him the sympathetic, good person he is. and honestly i really wish there were more people who knew how sweet he is.

enhypen ⇥ jungwon: he’s such a good leader. he’s literally the same age as me, which makes me think even more about how much he’s achieved. youngest leader so far in the kpop industry and continues to mentally help enha. so proud of him. after rewatching iland, i saw so many caring moments i missed from him. i always wish young idols had a regular childhood. they deserve it but looking at jungwon makes me believe that this truly makes him happy. within circumstances, of course. and i think being an idol was meant for him. ⇥ sunghoon: he was my first bias because i have ways liked watching ice skating. but when i got to know him, he was actually so funny. and when he cried after reading his parents’ letter, i realized the journey he had gone through already at a young age. i’m amazed by his determination in his dream. and i'm super happy that he decided to choose a different path. watching him follow each one of his dreams has been an amazing experience.

nct ⇥ jeno: one word. duality. one minute he’d be so adorable, that i just wanna squish his cheeks. and then another minute, i’d literally be checking him out with a big smirk on my face. i feel like a perv. and, don't get me wrong. i don't know why either but i'm always insulting my biases? anyway.. i normally don’t go for the clueless ones cause they frustrate me lol but jeno is an acception. i think. ⇥ jaehyun: hot. okay and i will say that he fits the frat boy vibe so much but that’s not all he is, i swear. he’s so talented. his live vocals. ahh.. heaven. and he’s so effortlessly funny. half of the time, he doesn’t know what’s going on but it is so funny when his american side sometimes comes out. ⇥ doyoung: i first fell for his singing voice cause let me tell you. his covers are literally so glorious. but the way he jokes around with taeyong but cares so much for the younger members is so precious. cause he knows when to act like a kid and when to make sure to be a brother. and even when he's an older figure to most of the members, he's a baby in his family. his brother and his relationship are so cute. they truly are in good terms which is admirable, considering they're both pretty busy.

stray kids ⇥ hyunjin: okay, i’ll be honest with yall and say his visuals first attracted me. but when i watched the survival show, his weaknesses sorta caught my eye. i feel like because he’s so emotional, it relays onto his work well. like his artworks, pictures, and the way he dances always ends up showing some kind of emotion of his. and also he’s so good at making the members feel loved. i think overall i like affectionate guys. ⇥ minho: he’s literally such a bully. especially towards seungmin but the members have said, and you can see it pretty clearly, that he actually cares a lot about everyone. he’s just a tsundere.. he’s not only friendly, although shy, he’s crazy talented and i literally admire him as a dancer. you know those type of ppl you meet and you immediately think "wow this guy must have no friends". he's like the opposite of that. i don't know if that even makes sense but yea. like he seems the type to have a lot of good friends. because he's a difficult person to be friends with, he'll surround himself with people who fully appreciate him for who he is. well... that got deep..

☆ part five

boy groups (bias): astro (moonbin) rip, ateez (wooyoung/mingi), cix (seunghun), golden child (bomin), monsta x (minhyuk/kihyun), p1harmony (keeho), seventeen (mingyu/dk/scoups/wonwoo), treasure (haruto/jihoon/yedam)

girl groups (bias): itzy (yeji), ive (rei/yujin), gidle (shuhua/soojin), kep1er (hikaru), le sserafim (yunjin), loona (jinsoul), newjeans (minji), stayc (isa), twice (chaeyoung/sana), xg (maya)

soloists (some cause i can’t list them all) audrey nuna, ben, be'o, bibi, bol4, chungha, dpr ian, dpr live, gsoul, heize, iu, jimmy brown, junny, kang daniel, kimmuseum, lauv, lany, ph-1, pink sweat$, sam kim, seori, suran, taeyeon, woodz

groups i’m trying to get into: i’m caught up!!

10 months

💌 pairing: sim jaeyun x reader, park sunghoon x reader 💌 genre: oneshot, dating bet!au, ice skater!sunghoon 💌 warning: profanity, long term heartbreak (it's kinda toxic so i put it here just in case) 💌 word count: 7.7k words 💌 author's note: note that this story is going to take place where enhypen are all adults and are the same age. there's no details but it just makes more sense. especially with sunghoon's ice skating competitions and their college lives. but of course, there will not be any sexual and/or inappropriate content. just wanted to let everyone know that because some things may not be something they would do but as i always like to remind. this is fiction. and just written to give a good story. anyway, enough with the serious talk. enjoy this one!

[ when what you believe is a beautiful relationship, turns out to be a total lie, you lose trust in yourself more than in the boy. you shut yourself out and stop living. even when another someone helps you out and brings you back into the world again. you may be thankful but you're never quite over the first. the one who hurt continuously hurt you. over and over again. ]

"i swear to god. you're just like how everyone said!," your thundering voice was heard across the hall of your apartment complex. surely, the neighbors were annoyed. but nothing compared to the humiliation and anger you were feeling as tears ran down your cheeks and your hands in fists. "but you know? you know what's so funny? ... that i truly believed you loved me!" with a slam of the door to your home, there stood a boy baffled. because at the very least, he'd thought you would at least let him explain. but no. and now.. all he could do was wait for you to be okay. no matter how long that took.

10 months. 10 months was all it took for you to fall so deeply in love and for your heart to get as easily as broken.

sim jaeyun (jake is his english name) was a boy you met at the beginning of high school. you were born in south korea but had moved to brisbane, australia as soon as you graduated middle school. there, you met jake. he was one of the most sweetest guys you'd ever met with one of the worst reputations. pretty much what one can imagine. the high school's it boy, aka fuck boy. not very convenient when all he did was share class notes and give you winks across the hallways every time you'd walk past by each other. things progressed fast before you noticed yourself falling more in love with the boy. and one day, like a dream come true, he asks you out. you still remember the words.

"so wanna share more physics notes at my house later? and maybe also be my girlfriend?"

cringy, i know.. maybe that should have been the first red flag. but it gets worse. sure, he cared a lot about his reputation and did a good job with upholding that. but with you.. he was a natural, caring guy who seemed more interested in a lot of things than what he leads. falling in love with someone like jake was easy. too easy.

so here you were. running away from your problems and flying to america with a scholarship for photography. you were covered for a good two, three years to study what you like to do and to get a fresh start. having yourself embarrassed in front of the school was already too much on your end. and the fact that your life was stolen while jake lived daily life as he did before, definitely did not make any of it feel any better. flirting with girls, playing on the soccer team, and hanging out with the same boys. it was so sickening. not the fact that he was able to go back to his everyday routine so easily. but that he still had you wrapped around his finger. that's what made going to america a better, and easier, decision than anything. it was like hitting two birds with one stone.

after a while, you got used to everything. you grew numb to feeling love and also expressing love. that may be why photography was your way of finding passion and emotion. you adapted fairly quickly actually. and with the winter olympics coming up, lots of ice skating competitions were taking place which also meant cha-ching. taking photos of representatives and of the event will be a big assignment for you; not to mention lots of hot ice skaters. you had always admired ice skaters. the way they gracefully play with their chosen songs while using absolutely every muscle possible to present such a beautiful piece. this was your seventh show you've been to now. two years really did pass by quickly.

but don't forget. you weren't the complete loser you claim yourself as. you've made friends along the way. park sunghoon, who you had met at these said competitions. he had placed first place in many, resulting in multiple individual photoshoots of him. opening up about your life wasn't something you'd like to do. especially with the way your recent high school life back in brisbane ended. but with many breaks and awkward silences during those shoots, one of you was bound to speak. and you, the photographer, sadly had to be the bigger person. one thing led to another. and you two became close friends. for the first time in forever, you felt at peace and that you belonged somewhere. park jongseong, jay, you had met in washington. he was forced by his dad to come to one of the ice skating competitions. regardless of his intention to come for fun or not, he had bumped into you and dropped your coffee all over, resulting in his many apologies and a talk in the cafe after. you know how the rest goes. sunghoon and jay meet and the three of you were now closer than ever.

feeling your phone buzz in your pocket, you reach for it to be faced with the familiar caller id, "bro", quickly putting him on speaker.

"hello?"

"hello? is that all you gotta say to me after days of not talking? i have called you like five times today and you have answered once!" you chuckle at the upset voice across the device. "well then, sunoo, maybe you should get a life instead of calling me so much." all you hear on the other end was a scoff as you finish packing your bag. sunoo was your twin brother. well, separated twin brother. after the divorce, you went with your mother to australia while he stayed with your father back in korea. you two still kept in good contact and met up occasionally but it wasn't the usual family situation. "anywayyy! when's your flight?"

you hear a knock at the door and keys jangling before seeing sunghoon walk in. "on monday. why?" watching as he took his shoes off and sat down on the couch, you gesture to him that you'll be with him a second. "nothing. it's just our birthday soon! so i'm holding a party for us. so since your flight is gonna be on monday, you'll definitely be able to make it to our party. right? you need to! listen to your big brother! you have to be there, okay?"

"you're literally two minutes older. stop acting as if you're more superior. i'm gonna go," sunghoon's chuckle could be heard as he listened to you fight with your twin brother. you quickly end the phone call and walk over to your couch. "sorry about that. sunoo keeps bothering me about our birthday.."

"speaking of birthday.. am i invited?"

"sunghoon. are you kidding me? of course you're invited. i just didn't ask cause i know you're busy with training and i didn't want to be the reason you skip out on practice during such an important time.." he places your keys in your hands and smiles. "your birthday is much more important than anything. i'll go. besides i have something else to say..," as you drop your keys on the table, he clears his throat. "i'm moving back to korea. my training in america is over and i have to practice back home. plus winter olympics is in beijing anyway. so i gotta get back soon."

"you're kidding!"

"nope. just bought my plane ticket. it's the same time and close to your seat too. maybe we can ask to switch seats with the person sitting next to you." with a quick jump, you wrap your arms around him. "ahh! i'm so excited. yes. we'll definitely do that. and since jay's back in korea too, i can invite him too."

the flight back was as normal as it can be. you both fell asleep midway but got to enjoy the sunset below. when you landed, it was around 3pm and sunoo was already there, waiting. "ooh. guess who brought their boyfriend!" he teased, and as much as you didn't want to, your smile disappears. nothing wrong with sunghoon. but it's just you haven't heard you and boyfriend in the same phrase for a while and it made you cringe. "yea yea.. anyway let's go." with yours and sunghoon's luggage in the trunk, you decided to sit in the back with sunghoon up in the passenger seat.

"so.. have you decided where you wanna live?" sunoo asks as sunghoon looks at you through the rear mirror with a smile. "actually.. yea, i have. jay's let us use his house. the benefits to having a rich friend." with chuckles, sunoo thanks sunghoon for changing the address on the navi. "you're still paying rent though, right?"

"of course i am. who do you think i am? a freeloader?," the silence was so loud, it hurt. "wow.. thanks guys."

unpacking was harder than packing. at least when you're putting things back in, all you have to worry about things crinkling up or folding in a weird way but once there out, you gotta think about how to place them somewhere. but you did what you could and managed to figure it out. "you finished unpacking?" you hear jay's voice outside your room. "yea! i'll be out in just a sec." and once you were downstairs in the living room, you see jay and sunghoon sitting on the black, leather, very jay-like, couch.

"okay. we're gonna need to make some rules," sunghoon and you catch each other rolling your eyes at jay's words before laughing. "look. i don't care how messy your rooms get. i won't step one foot in them. but! you can't mess my room or the downstairs rooms. especially the kitchen. understand?," after seeing the two of you physically nod, did jay let the two of you go. "good. so what do you guys wanna do on your first day back? after a good night's sleep, i'm sure you guys can have some fun.."

"i'm down to go clubbing.." sunghoon starts. "just like old times?" you add on, as if you were finishing his sentence. silence meant agreement. so off the three of you ran, up to your rooms to get dressed.

let's just say the day went by quick and the next day was hangover day for the three of you. four days passed and today was the party. sunoo had basically forced you to come to your own party that you didn't even plan. just added a few people on the guestlist but that's all you got to do. not that you were complaining. you didn't really care much anyway. it just gave you a reason to dress up.

"so.. how's the birthday girl?," you smiled at the voice before turning around to see sunghoon, showing off your outfit. "apparently all ready for the party.. happy birthday, y/n." with him opening up his arms, you walk into his embrace. "you know. it feels weird to be back here. i don't know if i should go see my dad.."

"you do what you wanna do. but for now..," you chuckle as he pushes you out the room and guides you downstairs to the car outside. "hop in. i'm driving us to sunoo's house." you watch as jay gets in the back and immediately puts his airpods in. it takes a few minutes to drive over and when you see the neighborhood, it wasn't hard to guess which house the party was being held. the music was loud and the big banner said everything. you just hoped he had warned his neighbors first. but that wasn't your concern.

"hey guys! the birthday girl is here!! late! but here." sunoo says as he opens the door, loud enough the attention goes to you. and to your embarrassment, sunghoon grabs your hand and takes you into the kitchen. "a drink?" taking in the amount of people in here, you were scared people would think you guys were a frat. with a simple nod, sunghoon pours in two cups of punch and hands one to you. "thanks.."

"hey sunoo. where do we put all the gifts?" jay speaks up, carrying all the gifts you guys had brought over. yes, it may be your birthday but it was sunoo's too. you couldn't not buy him something. "oh. just put them all into this room." you help jay with the gifts and place them where sunoo had told you to. after a while, there were almost a hundred people in the house.

"this should be everyone, right?" you ask sunoo as he was checking the guestlist. "no," your smile drops. what? how could he possibly know this many people that want to come and celebrate his birthday with him? "you know riki and jungwon. they're coming but i told them to bring the cake. i knew something would happen to it if i had prepared it beforehand. so i had them pick it up. they're heading over soon after they pick up their friends too." you down your drink and walk over to the couch where sunghoon relaxes. "i swear sunoo plays around too much or something. i knew this was gonna be a party but with this many people? goddamn." sunghoon chuckles at your frustration. "why don't you go grab another drink? get me one too while you're at it." you nod, heading over to the kitchen before someone else enters through the door. you catch a glance at the newcomers and immediately gasp when you see the last person entering. you wanted to hide. you wanted to literally disappear. it's been almost three years? and you thought you had gotten better. but what is this reaction? now you were back to square one. you felt pathetic. and to think, you didn't think it could get worse. until it did. his eyes catch yours and he smiles. smiles! you poured the two drinks and walk your way over. and just when he thinks he has a chance to talk to you, you pass by him and sit down next to sunghoon. and as your best friend, it felt only right he ask what was wrong.

"hey.. you good?" your eyes said everything. sunghoon sat up straight. "it's him.. jake. why is here? how does he even know sunoo?" all that anger and humiliation from that night was building back up. and if it wasn't for sunghoon holding you back, you would have left this place before the actual party even started. all while you were panicking, jake couldn't take his eyes off you. you were as beautiful as he remembered. maybe even more. "hey guys! you're finally here." you and sunghoon watch as jungwon and his other friend, you assume, place the very large cake on the kitchen island. "y/n?" your attention shifts over to the voice before seeing niki.

"oh my god! riki? it's been so long. what the hell? how are you so tall?" you said, hugging his now tall and lean figure. "well. the last time we saw each other was like five years ago.." you nodded, acknowledging his words but still shocked by his growth. "do i get a hug too?" you see jungwon peeking his head through so you immediately open your arms. "of course. my little kitty! you guys have grown so much. that's crazy." once sunoo comes your way, he starts introducing you to his friends.

"so this is my twin sister, y/n. you know jungwon and riki. this is heeseung. and this is jaeyun. well, jake. he's also from australia so i guess jake might be easier for you." sunoo explains and you couldn't help but let out a little sigh at his name. just like a hero, sunghoon's up from the couch and wraps his arm around your shoulder. "nice to meet you guys. i'm sunghoon." he says placing out his hand in which heeseung accepts first. and the rest followed. "wait wait.. i wanna hear the aussies speak. say something in english." riki says, interested. "you guys probably won't even understand anyway." you say as everyone gasps sarcastically. "oh come on, y/n. don't be a party pooper." with sunoo's words, you roll your eyes and clear your throat.

"how's life been for you?" you started first, deadpan. "it's been good, i guess. what have you been up to?"

"that's none of your business." you hear the others cheering at the accents, having no idea what you two had even said. well, besides jay who chuckled and maybe a bit of sunghoon. even though he may have a translator, you're sure he caught on to most of it.

you know how the rest of the party went. people got way too drunk, passed out, some left, and you're pretty sure you heard a few couples upstairs doing god knows what. and the whole night, all you could do was talk to sunghoon as jay was getting friendly with jungwon and riki. and despite all that, you couldn't get drunk. you don't know what kind of mistake you could make with jake and you couldn't risk anything. when there was about half of the people left, you stood up to use the restroom. after drinking almost three bottles of water, you needed to pee. after finishing your business, you wanted to get back to sunghoon. but jake had other plans. he grabs your hand and takes you outside without saying anything. when you realize you were already far out as two houses down, you shake your hand off and glare at him. "what? you're mad? when all you've been doing is hanging out with that sunghoon dude? what? are you guys dating? is he your boyfriend?"

"what? jake. you're drunk."

"no. i'm perfectly fine." his slurring voice wasn't hard to miss, proving that he indeed was drunk. too drunk, in fact. he grabs both your wrists this time so hard that you winced. "jake."

"jake."

"why is everything so easy for you? i know you don't even like him. i can see it. you don't look at him the way you used to look at me. come on. don't you feel anything for me? even when i do this?" when you feel him stepping closer, you step back. "jake! i'm warning you. let. go," you tried to wriggle out his grasp. you can feel your wrists bruising. "jake.. it hurts. please..." when jake sees your eyes tearing up, he loosens his grip. "i'm sorry. i didn't mean to." you step away, a tear slipping away.

"i hate you." you quickly retrace your steps back into the house and grab your bag, immediately running out. sunghoon follows you out with his car keys, unlocking the vehicle. (you drove, no worries. no drinking and driving!)

the next day, your head hurt. but none of it from any alcohol. from the way you kept tossing and turning last night, thinking of jake. out of all the simulations you have made in your mind of what would happen when you by chance, ever bump into him again, that was not it. once you got downstairs, you had noticed porridge on the table with a note on top.

i know you couldn't sleep at night so i made you this. make sure to heat it up before you eat it. - jay

jay keeps quiet about other people's business but always knew what was going on. he was a nice guy who took advantage of his skill and helps. you wish there were more people like him in the world.

"so.. that was jake, huh?" sunghoon's groggy voice is heard. "yea.."

"remind me what happened?," you release a soft sigh as you take out the porridge from the microwave. "just humor me. i want to know how this dude fucked himself up."

"okay.. i guess," you sat down. "yesterday, he dragged me out, absolutely off his limit and starts yelling at me about you. almost like he's... jealous? i didn't understand his words but i know what his intentions were. he's still the same asshole he was years back." sunghoon watches your reaction. he's never met jake in his life. all he knows is the jake from your stories. and that was enough to know that he was a dick. but he never noticed that you still have remaining feelings for him, whether you'd admit or not. did he have competition? probably not, after last night. or at least, that's what sunghoon was hoping.

--------------------

jake, on the other hand, had woken up around an hour ago, completely regretting everything he said last night. he didn't mean any of it. sure. deep down, he was jealous at the way you laughed at everything sunghoon said or the way you leaned into his shoulders like he's the one you love. he hated it. all of it. and when he thinks of that day of your guys' fight, he grimaces. instead of waiting for you to reach out to him like a coward, he wishes he had the courage to just tell you. even if that hadn't changed a thing. at least, he would have been able to confess his true feelings to you.

"dude.. do you and sunghoon know each other or something?" heeseung asks from his bed, watching some anime on the tv screen. "what do you mean?"

"i mean.. i don't know if it was just me but it seemed like he was glaring at you the whole night yesterday. did you flirt with y/n? she seems to have a thing with sunghoon." jake's eyebrows twitch at those words but at some point, he had to admit. he was years late. and he didn't have to know the whole story to know that sunghoon was probably there for you when he wasn't. "uhh no.. i don't know man," heeseung shrugs and continues to slurp his ramen noodles. "speaking of.. do you have y/n's number? i wasn't able to get it last night and i saw that you were exchanging numbers." jake casually says, hoping heeseung doesn't find anything suspicious. "oh yea. i'll send it to you right now. but i'm warning you, dude. i'm pretty sure they're a thing." and when his own phone buzzes, he couldn't help but smile. "okay whatever.. thanks,"

"anyway.. i gotta go. let's finish the series next time." he murmurs before rushing out the door. heeseung's attention wasn't even anywhere near what he said so he escaped through heeseung's house and immediately got into his car and dialed the number he had just received.

when he hears the phone call picked up and all you say was a simple "hello?" yet his heart was already fluttering. "hey. it's jake. don't! end the call.. i just.. i know i don't exactly deserve it but i wanted to explain myself. about everything. no matter how late my apology is.. could we meet up somewhere?," the silence scared him. he wouldn't have known if you had the ended the call unless he hadn't checked. "y/n?"

"um. yea.. sure. meet me at the park near sunoo's house," and with that, you ended the call. "hey guys.. i'm gonna head out. i'll be back in a few." you can see the two boys nod their head but you're sure they're too distracted with their gaming so you slip out the door with your bag and phone in your hand. when you parked your car, you could see a fancy car on the other side of the block. you watch as jake walks out of the said vehicle. while you knew jake had come from a wealthy family, it didn't occur to you that he was this wealthy.

"hey.. thanks for meeting me." jake says, taking in your beauty. you hum a response, waiting for whatever he needed to say and seated yourself next to him on the bench. "so.."

"so. i came to apologize. and to explain. back when the guys had made this bet, it all started off because i thought you were pretty. but you know.. you hated the whole reputation thing we held so i knew i didn't have a chance with you. and when i said that you're totally out of my league, that you would never date me, they told me that they'd pay me if i got you to be my girlfriend. it was only for six months though. but i held out onto it. cause being with you felt so much better than i had first expected." you couldn't help but scoff and i know that none of this is an excuse to treat you this way. but i just want you to know that i never wanted you to get hurt. and i was just blinded by the fact that i could get a little bit of money while also getting the girl i liked. i was stupid. i'm sorry."

"how much?"

"huh?"

"how much?"

"$500."

"so playing with my heart was worth $500 for you?"

"i didn't take the money. i didn't take any of it. i told them that this was wrong and that none of it-"

"what do you want me to say? congrats?," jake felt shivers down his spine when you stand up. he knew that in some sort of way, he had messed up again. "congrats for liking me despite the mere $500 i was worth? and for believing that this shitty apology cuts out for all those nights i cried myself to sleep. i hope you get some of that guilt off your chest because you sure seemed like you needed to tell me that. and i'm also sorry if you came today thinking i would accept your apology because i don't. i really wished i could." gathering your things, you make yourself back to your car before hearing, "i still love you!" you freeze in your place. what? when you feel his presence again, you slowly turn around. eyes in contact with one another and your hands stop moving.

"what?"

"y/n.. i never stopped loving you." your tears had started to build up to your eyes in which you failed to hide. with a swift move, you were in jake's arms. this time, you could smell his cologne. his intoxicating cologne. and feel his heartbeat. the warm vibration as he mutters sorry over and over again. and as hard as it was, you place your hand on his chest and slowly push yourself away. "but you know what, jake?," looking into his eyes once more, you smile. "it doesn't matter whether or not you took the money. it's the fact that you took a deal with my heart on the end of it because you were blinded by greed. goodbye."

for the second time, jake watches you walk away. and it hurt the same as it did the first time. but just like the first, he can do nothing but watch.

--------------------

"so why the hell did you not tell me about jake?" it's been almost two weeks since the talk and sunoo is freaking out over jake. technically, he's not even supposed to know about him but he walked in on sunghoon and you talking about what to do with jake. now sunoo has seated the both of you at your shared dining table and demands to know what happened. all you could do was sigh because you knew his stubbornness wouldn't help.

"him and i dated senior year. we met each other in high school. and just like a wattpad story, he was your regular fuck boy that flirted with every girl he had the chance to. but he was sweet to me. spoke to me about his true interests. if that's even what those were.. anyway. basically i thought that he was able to open himself up to me that he couldn't to others because of his image. we dated 10 months and into the summer, he tells me that he didn't mean it to end this way but that everything just started off as a bet among his friends. we fought back and forth. cause he just kept giving me this bullshit excuse that he meant everything despite the bet. so i ended up yelling at him and left australia," sunoo's jaw dropping was enough for you to know jake was no longer invited to your birthday parties. "but i know that you guys are good friends. and i'm sure he's changed now. so don't mind me. i just happen to have a history with him."

"okay so wait.. i only care about one thing right now."

"what?" sunoo clears his throat, staring at sunghoon. "do you still like him?" you stare at your hands on your lap, not knowing how to answer. sunghoon had seen this coming. matter of fact, he's been hurt by your answer to this question every time. even when you replied yes or the silence. it both meant you still had feelings for jake anyway. but this time. "i don't know." sunghoon's eyes shift over to you. he wondered what made you change your answer this time. you honestly didn't know either. "okay then? and i think you're right. jake has changed. so i hope you don't mind that we'll still occasionally hang out." you shook your head, reassuring that you were okay with this.

a month passes since you got back from america and you were settled for good now. taking up little projects and finding customers here and there. your online shop helped a lot in setting up this mini business for you. sunghoon and jay really helped out in advertising.

just as you push your shopping cart in the supermarket, you find yourself in front of someone. "jake.."

"hey. how's everything going?" you smile at the casual conversation starter. "good.. yea. you?"

"the same old. same old..," as you pull your cart out of the way, jake takes a hold of your hand. "y/n.. can i suggest something?" you stare at him, confused.

"i know this is a stretch. but i'd rather know i took all the chances i had with you before fully letting go. and.. i was wondering if you would go on three dates. just three. no strings attached and nothing serious. i'll treat you to all three. and if you truly feel absolutely nothing, i'll let you go. hmm?"

--------------------

"what did she say? she obviously said no, right?" jay watches as sunghoon stresses out. you had to go to an appointment and since sunghoon wasn't home, you had told jay to let sunghoon know what's going on. "she said yes."

"what?"

"she wants to give him a chance."

"you're kidding, right-"

"not because she wants this to work. she just wants to feel better. she agrees that this relationship needs a better wrap-up. that's why she agreed," with sunghoon's sigh, jay chuckles. "don't worry. she doesn't like him." at his words, sunghoon lets out an awkward chuckle. "you knew?"

"knew what? that you like y/n? yea dude. it's pretty obvious. i'm sure almost everyone at the birthday party caught on," his panicking breaths was enough for jay to pat sunghoon's back. "except y/n.. knowing her, she would've probably said something about it by now. so lighten up, dude. and let her end this relationship the way she wants before fully going for it." sunghoon nods slowly.

--------------------

the first date took place on september 18. jake took you out to an amusement park with little mazes in between. he bought you all your favorite snacks that you were shocked he even remembered. dropping cute comments out of nowhere. "you look so pretty." while playing with his fingers. "let me.." while tying your shoelaces. he didn't try anything too much and kept his distance with you. enough to show respect and you admired him for that. although it wouldn't be the thing that would bring you back to him. because no matter how much he looked out for you, this just wasn't it.

the second date took place on october 31. it was supposedly the birthday of his dog back in australia, layla. you remember the border collie who welcomed you when you went over to his house. maybe that was why but this time, he took you to a dog cafe. you were able to enjoy your favorite coffee while playing with cute samoyeds and poodles. really attentive to you, he made sure you were able to feed the puppies, play with him, and stay after hours too. you were sure that one cost a bit. but you pretended not to know as he tried to hide his payment as much as possible. you hated to admit. but he was a gentleman. well, in a way, you guess he always was. but no matter how much he paid attention to you, this just wasn't it.

the third and final date took place on november 15. his very own birthday. he ended up holding his party a few days before instead to spend it with you. he took you to a festival. one that usually sells out fast and only comes twice a year. he made sure to keep refilling tickets to allow you more games, which meant more stuffed animals. when it hit ten o'clock, the fireworks went off. you let him hug you. you understand. fireworks makes one emotional. you slowly wrap your arms around him. "i love you.." you stare at the show in the sky. "i know.. happy birthday." jake tried not to notice you didn't say it back. but he wasn't expecting much. because no matter how much he made you feel loved, this just wasn't it.

he knew. he knew all of it. he knew that even if you still liked him.. your heart belonged to another. you just didn't know it.

--------------------

about a few weeks after the final date, jake reaches out to you. saying he wanted to meet up on november 30. you don't know why he had to push it back two weeks to hear your answer. but you knew the feeling. the feeling of wanting to stop time and just love a little longer.

sunghoon had barely asked you about any of the dates with you and jake. and to say you were worried was an understatement. whether you noticed or not, sunghoon's opinion mattered a lot to you. you thought about it. why your heart ached when he wasn't home much anymore to ask you things and why it bothered you so much to not see him in his room before going to sleep. he'd been the guy you go to. the therapist that helps you solve any situation. the ice skater who helped you open up when you doubted your skill in photography. the guy that reminded you your self worth and brought you back to this world. the best friend you fell in love with.

you blinked at your realization. all this time you had thought falling in love with jake was easy. maybe love wasn't supposed to be easy. maybe it was supposed to be a roller coaster. driving over to jake's was now a lighter feeling than how the day started off. when jake saw you parking in the driveway, he prepared himself. he took in a breath and opened the door.

"want some tea?" jake offers, knowing you're not here to stay long anyway. but it was still worth a try. he told himself that he'd give it his all and he was trying. even if he knew, nothing would ever work. you shake your head and sit down on one of the chairs by his kitchen counter. "jake.. i came here to say that-"

"wait," he stops you, scared. "lemme go first," when he sees you nod softly, he gulps. "look. the past three dates has been everything to me. i don't regret any of it. i'm so happy i saw you smile. i'm so happy i got to hug you. and i'm so happy i got to tell you that i love you. one last time..," he bites his quivering lip as tears rise up in his eyes. "i know what you're here to say. so i just wanted to say thank you. thanks for giving me a chance to love you again. thanks for giving me a chance to treat you the way i couldn't back then." hearing his voice crack made your heart break. you wanted to wipe his tears away but you know you shouldn't. you don't get to since you're the cause of those tears anyway.

"jake..," you watch his hands shaking in his lap, slowly placing your hand in his. you feel his tears falling on your fingers, tears threatening to fall yourself. "i'm sorry i can't tell you what you want me to say. thank you for showing me the person you have become and that you will find someone better. i know that's such a bitchy thing to say. but i mean it. jake.. you've grown. and i really would've liked it if this would've worked. but i'm.. i just-"

"you love sunghoon," as you look up, a tear falls down your right cheek. he slowly stands up, sniffling through his tears. "you should go to him. i know he's probably wrecking his brain right now, waiting."

you let out a chuckle before wiping your own tears. "can i hug you?" you nod as you allow yourself to be engulfed in his warm embrace. jake's uneven breathing didn't make any of this easier. after about a minute, you slowly pull away. "thanks jake.. for everything." with a nod of agreement, you both let go and he walks you out.

"y/n...," you turn around. "at least tell me one thing.. will he treat you better?"

"mhmm.. he's the best."

"then.. that's all that matters."

as soon as you get in your car and you're on the road, your phone starts dialing. and to no surprise, you're hit with voicemail. "hoon? i have something to say to you. i'm on my way home. please.. please be there.." you knew sunghoon felt something for you. it'd be crazy if he hadn't. almost every friend of yours has asked you if you were dating him. just by the way he looks at you, treats you, and finds some way to stop you from going on blind dates; that your friends set up. you just didn't say anything because it wasn't like you could reject him and risk loosing him forever or accept him while you were still in love with another. your parked car in the driveway was nothing near straight but you honestly just wanted to get back into the house. running to the door, frustrated that you couldn't find your house keys. but when the door unlocks and you're met with just the man you wanted to see, your body just wants one thing. you immediately hug him. "i'm so sorry.. i'm so sorry for not doing something before."

"you idiot. i've been waiting for like three months. if the past two years doesn't count." you were so relieved from his words that your heart skipped two beats.

"look hoonie.. i don't know what to say."

"then don't say anything.. just kiss me." not even a second passes before your lips are on his. despite the ticklish feeling of his eyelashes batting against your cheek and the fact you two were still at the door, this couldn't have felt more right. you and sunghoon. you should've noticed sooner. but for now, him having his hand on your back and the other on your neck was just perfect. it felt like nothing in the world could go wrong. after a while, you slowly let go. only because you were running out of breath.

"so. do i get to meet your parents now?" you chuckle at the way his mind works. "yes.. i'll arrange something," you slowly watch him close the door and walk you to the sofa. the two of you lay together, your head on his chest as he softly combs through your hair. you hum at the feeling. "at least i won't have to see my dad alone.."

"what happened? with your parents, i mean. you never told me why you're so scared to see your dad." with a sigh, you stare at your hands intertwined with his. "well.. the thing with my dad is that.. i've watched my dad fight with my mom one too many times and after siding with my mom in the divorce, i'm scared that he hates me. he's not abusive or mean or anything, actually. in fact, i love my dad. but i'm so scared that he doesn't want to see me anymore. especially after i literally ran when he saw me at the grocery store five years ago. he hates me. i just know it.."

you watch as sunghoon gives you a very judging look. "really?"

"what?"

"y/n.. what's not to like about you being his daughter? i'm sure this is all just a misunderstanding. you know what? you're gonna go see him. now." sunghoon instantly starts packing some stuff in a bag and running to get the car keys that you had just threw on the ground a while ago. "wait! wait.. can you come with me then?" sunghoon's grin slowly changes into a terrified facial expression.

"me? meet your father?" a few seconds later, and jay comes walking down the stairs. "so yall done now?" the blushing looks of both your faces was enough to make jay chuckle.

"how long were you there?"

"long enough to say finally. come on. pack up. i'll drive us over to your dad's house. in fact, sunoo texted me that he has a cold but sunoo has to stay at work. so we're gonna go there and take care of him."

--------------------

the loud sound of your heartbeat echoed in your chest, all the way up to your ears that you could barely hear anything around you. as you waited at the doorstep of what you've been told was where your dad lived, sunghoon holds your hand tightly. jay chuckles behind the two of you when he sees the two of your shoulders tighten at the sound of footsteps getting closer.

"who is it?," as the door opens, your eyes widen. you curse at yourself just imagining how stupid you must look. "y/n."

"dad?"

"uhh... come on in." your dad clears his throat and moves out the way. hesitant, but you enter, taking in the view of the house. when you're suddenly pulled back into a hug, who you assume was sunghoon, or jay, was the very father you believe hated you. "dad.."

"y/n. i am so happy to see you here. i really am."

tears rose up as you wrapped your arms around him.

--------------------

10 months later and today was the day of the beijing winter olympics. you're in the crowd, cheering for park sunghoon, your boyfriend, right next to all the boys and your father sitting next to you. hearing the crowd chanting your boyfriend's name made you feel proud. you glance over at jake who was it obvious he was staring. and for once, you had the power to stop looking. not like all those years. and for once, you're looking at someone who loves you as much as you love them. you join in with your fans.

"park sunghoon! park sunghoon! park sunghoon!"

you watched as the scores to his short and free add up. his ranking going from 4th to 2nd and a point away from 1st to "park sunghoon! 1st place for the beijing winter olympics! congratulations!!" the last thing you remember is screaming and the place going wild.

--------------------

the after party was as good as it gets. a little bit fancier than what you and your boys are used to. but they offered coffee ice cream,  sunghoon's favorite. but now that you were back home, you were able to grill steak outside and hold a little after party amongst yourselves.

once everybody left, you and sunghoon find your way outside again with a bottle of wine and glasses. "sunghoon.. congratulations."

"i won it for you."

"what do you mean?"

"do you remember when we first met? and you told how amazing it'd be if i won 1st place at the olympics.. that you'd grant me a wish," you blink, reminiscing the moment, slowly nodding. "well, i was going to wish for you to give me a chance. but since that's already happened.." you watched as he cleared his throat and started to bend down on one knee. you gasped, seeing the box in his hands.

"oh my god. sunghoon." your hands covering your mouth in shock. "y/n.. for as long as i've known you, i have spent every second liking you and loving you. i overthought every single detail. but now that it comes to this, i thought as long as i'm the one down on one knee and you're the one in front of me, where i do it, how i do it, when i do it.. it shouldn't matter. i love you, y/n. will you be the one watching me from the stands at competitions as long as i shall skate? and will you let me be the one to love you from now and forever? marry me?"

"yes.. yes! oh my.. hoon yes!" the next thing you know, people surrounding you in hollers. "you guys didn't go home yet?" sunghoon's confused look makes everyone laugh. "after making it that obvious you were proposing? hell no." sunoo says.

"well.. can we have our moment before you ruin it even more?" you say as the boys crowd your romantic moment. they all start mumbling apologies, giving you two space. "anyway... where were we?" you smile as he wraps his arms around your waist.

"i believe we were about to kiss."

"i believe you said yes..

"i sure did.. i love you."

"and i love you, my love.."

in another life

💌 pairing: lee heeseung x reader 💌 genre: oneshot, idol!au, angst, sad ending 💌 word count: 2.9k 💌 author's note: i've always wanted to try out the idol au so here i am. i tried to research a lot about all the details in idol's schedules but if it is wrong, please look over it. i am human after all.. i have written this for the mere reason of me wanting to write angst. i contemplated a lot on writing for enhypen and where i should begin. especially cause most of them are literally the same age as me or as my friends so it makes it weird to imagine this story. but i considered doing this one because it's gonna be angsty and realistic. enjoy the reading!

[ you never expected yourself to break the one rule. the trap of falling in love with an idol. but fall you did. you knew it was wrong but what could you do? it's not like you could control your heart. and for the sake of his job and his members too, the company can do nothing but stop you guys. there's nothing you can do, being a commoner, you had to let him go. do you love him enough to let him go? ]

the past two years have been a rollercoaster, really. your journey began with your mother working for the company, hybe labels. well, she had been working since the company was small and were called bighit entertainment; around 2012. so you knew many of the staff as uncles and aunts. your mom was a single mom. no shame in that. but it made lots of things hard on her end which caused you to have three part-time jobs. you wanted to do your part and make up for your father leaving the two of you. by the time you were graduated from high school, you had received a full-ride scholarship to attend a good 4 year university with the major of technical management. you were well satisfied. if all goes well, you would be right up there with your mother as she styled the idols and you leading them on stage to soundcheck and lighting. well.. let's just say you've never had good luck when it came to such big dreams. because not even your first year in college, your mom gets diagnosed with lung disease, an uncurable one at that. as much as you hated to admit it, without a cure any time soon, your mom was on a deadline. soon enough, she resigned and was given proper care for her hospital bills and insurance too. you were glad that at least she had been taken good care of from a good company.

naturally, you quit your part-time jobs and decided to finish university as fast as you can. luckily, your ged credits were easily made up from your high school classes and your chancellor had allowed you to graduate in two years, as long as you finished the rest of your credits during the summer as well. so you bust your ass off for the next year and with hard work and more hard work, you go to graduate in the summer. nothing special. just a diploma and a medal. obviously, what came after this was job hunting. but you didn't have to. like you had known, hybe was a good company that took good care of their employees. and so, here you were standing in front of the big building with the job offer for tech manager. you accepted, of course. where else were you going to get a decent paying, benefit-filled contract with amazing staff surrounding you? nowhere. exactly.

with hopes that everyone will like you, you enter the company and are immediately engulfed with positive, well-oiled working engine, energy. few weeks of training and shadowing someone got you to be assistant manager within no time. you started working with their newest boy group, enhypen. they were all sweet to you, of course professional too.

time after time, comeback after comeback, you and the members had grown much closer. especially lee heeseung. he had welcomed you the best. showed you around on how their schedule goes, what each member likes to do during soundchecks, and so forth. like a hopeless romantic, you did the one thing your mother made you promise to yourself you wouldn't do. working at such a corporate, being married is usually a requirement, due to many of the scandals the idols may be risked into. you were hired with an exception but that didn't make it any less forbidden to interact with the idols in that way. but what could you have done? not have a crush? not fall in love? all valid answers and you probably should've listened to yourself at the time. but.. he came to you first. he asked you first.

heeseung is a sweetheart. always has been and probably always will be. that's what made him feel so special. he was always there. when you found out that your mom is going to have to get surgery, even after the surgery, and also when you were told there's nothing else they can do for your mom. he let you cry in his arms like any boy would do when he likes a girl. but your situation was different. and you knew it. but you still let yourself be enveloped into his embrace, let your feelings make way, and to ignore whatever your inner subconscious would tell you; which was to stop and drop everything before it hurts anyone.

too late.

a few weeks ago from today, you were told by the higher ups that you must no longer interact with heeseung or with enhypen. especially with them being semi-rookies, they should be more careful with things like this.

things like this. that's all your love meant to everyone outside of you and heeseung's relationship.

they had been considering transferring you to another company. luckily for them, they were a label. so they could easily transfer you to a different group without letting loose of you. despite the whole romance that has been taken over, you were good at your job and everyone knew that. maybe that was why they didn't try to stop it as they usually would. you never cry. or so you thought. perhaps it was just that you never had time to cry. with working, there's no way you can just start crying but when you'd go home, you're taking care of your mom. again, no way. sure. you cried to heeseung about your mom but that was that. there was no one you could talk to that would relate or comfort you about this. you put yourself through this.

so the day you go to the park to clear your mind, it was the first time in years you cried. you were getting weird looks from some and pitiful eyes from others. but you could care less. you were not even 22 yet and you were struggling to pay hospital bills, to keep your relationship, to live the life that you wished. that being said, maybe that was why when heeseung had told you these words, you didn't shed a tear.

"i can't love you."

can't. not don't. you wanted to notice the difference in his words. but it honestly didn't matter at this point. when heeseung had noticed the way your face was expressionless, lips pale and eyes dead, he couldn't help but feel that you had known this was coming. it didn't make any of it easier, of course.

"please.. say something, y/n," you let your head rise until your eyes met his. it's funny how a week can change things. you remember just last weekend, you were laying on the floor of the dorm living room, watching some show the tv was streaming with heeseung laying next to you. his arms around you as you two giggled over jake complaining that you guys had finished the last ramen. and now the two of you stand, in front of one another. one's eyes filled with tears and the other with no tears left to cry. he leaves a hard grip on your shoulders, trying to shake you out of what seemed like a daydream. but in fact, you were just tired. tired of believing this was the better choice than all of the above. "i'm begging you. i need you to say something." you slowly wipe the tear rolling down heeseung's cheek and smile.

"heeseung. it's hard not to love you.. but i can't say it's easy to love you either.. you have to understand that this is what's best for the both of us," he pulls you into his chest, hurriedly wrapping his arms around you as if that would stop everyone from pulling him out of this relationship. "i agree.. hee. i agree with the company. i want you to succeed and live your dream. even if that means our dream must die. it's worth it. i swear to you it is." you nodded, almost like you're trying to convince yourself and not the man in front of you. slowly pushing him away, you let out a soft sigh.

his lips trembled at your smile, knowing that you were just acting tough for the sake of his heart. "i'll make it up to you. i promise. i promise to you that one day, i will become such a big hit that no one can control me and judge me for who i'm with. it's cruel to ask. i know.. but can you wait for me? can you-" with a grasp of both your hands on his, he stops.

"i won't. i can't.. hee.. you don't need me. i can love you and cherish you. but it won't give you anything. but your fans? your company? there's just so much more ahead for you. i can't get in the way of that. so instead of a promise to me.. make a promise to yourself. that you will become a big hit because you want to and because that's the life you want to live. not for me. not for anyone else. hmm?," you had many breakdowns together but never had you seen heeseung so brokenhearted. and you couldn't help but feel yourself quiver a bit too. you reach up on your toes to give him a soft kiss on the cheek. "goodbye heeseung.." i loved you i love you.

heeseung watches as you gather your things and leave. he had never felt so empty. what was his dorm, slowly just became a place for him to sleep and rest. it no longer felt like home. nor did his recording studios. he can still hear you messing around with the mic and see you dancing to his dances, in which you failed to copy, but none of that mattered. he still thought you looked cute. the hybe rooftop no longer gave him a relaxing feeling. and he soon realized that none of these places were home to him. you were his home. one he let go of. one he will miss all his life. back at his dorms, his members saw him as a mess. and rightfully so. they all loved you and loved the heeseung when he was with you. he was happy. he was loved. so the night when he was scrummaging through his room to find his airpods; one he tended to lose often if it wasn't for you; he came across a silver chain. a bracelet he recalls giving you. he wonders why it had gotten under his drawers when the faint memory of you comes up.

that bracelet was given to you by heeseung on your first anniversary and a few weeks later, you ended up losing it. you cried to him about it because you felt bad for losing something precious that he had given you. and now here it was. in his shaking right hand. he slowly wraps it around his left wrist and clasps the chain on. with an exhale, the tears were back. soon enough, the other members could hear heeseung balling in his room and it sucked because they knew there was nothing good enough to comfort him. jungwon cleared his throat and slowly entered the room with a knock. "hey hyung?" he could see the way heeseung quickly wiped his tears away and sat up.

"please don't act like you aren't hurt.. it hurts the rest of us to see you suffering..," heeseung's sigh allows jungwon to tap his back with a rhythm. "look.. if it's meant to be, someday, you'll run into her again. and you'll see that nothing has changed. but for now. you gotta think for yourself, hyung. you have to wake up and see that you still have everything else." heeseung's surprised with jungwon's pep talk because despite all the mature things he usually says, he didn't realize jungwon gives good advice on love too. so with a nod, he stands up, tidies his room up a little, before heading to the living room where the others watch a drama.

--------------------

it's been three years since. your mother had sadly passed a year ago. but she fought her best and you knew she was tired. everything had changed around you except for one thing. hybe was still a good label. placed you into one of their companies, pledis. you worked for seventeen after everything and occasionally other projects among the music stations.

yesterday was their comeback so they're starting promotions today. the first one was music bank. you were excited because since you were now an on-call tech manager. last year, you were given an opportunity to travel on their world tour as the 2nd tech manager. which basically means you get to go with them but behind the scenes. you decided not to because you didn't want to travel in that tight schedule so you stayed behind. a part of you wanted to see the world. but you didn't want it to be rushed and formed around another person's schedule. so glad you did. because this year, you were upgraded into a higher position and now get to be on stand-by. more risks and harder work, but in the end, it was what you wanted. this is gonna be your second comeback with them with this position. first time went great but you were nervous. this time, you know you're just gonna do great.

"lights?"

"they're good."

"what about all the cameras? are they charged?"

all these questions made this feel more real. you were going to present these idols live in about half an hour. soon after, woozi, one of the seventeen members, came up to you and asked if his mic was connected or not because it wasn't working. you instantly fixed it and decided to check on the others as well. everything was good. until you hear a voice you knew all too well, practicing his vocals in a room. you halt and smile at the talented voice before knocking on the door. the seven boys' eyes shifts over to you at your voice with a few gasps here and there. "hi guys, i'm the tech manager. i'm just going to be checking everyone's mics as there were a few issues in seventeen's. so if you don't mind, can you guys show me the mic system and headsets?," they hurriedly take out their mics and lay them out onto a table. as you checked each one, you could feel a few eyes staring at you. you cleared your throat. "okay.. looks good. thank you guys." you look up at their manager and with a bow, you excuse yourself. before getting a grasp of a hand around your wrist. already knowing who it was, you turned around.

"y/n.." with a smile, you slowly release his grip on you. "it's been a while.."

"yes. it has. and i'm glad to see that everyone's doing good."

"how have you been?" you could hear the managers from a mile away, talking about you. honestly, you thought this was all over with by now. but what's done is done. "i'd advise you to go back to your group, sir."

"y/n. don't act like that," with barely any expression on your face, he sighs. "i have some things i left unsaid. and i've been wanting to tell you like crazy. is there any way i can talk to you? and maybe start over?"

"look. i don't know what you mean by start over. but this? it ended three years ago. and if you're here to apologize, don't. it was mutual and it honestly worked out better this way. but if you're here, hoping that things would go back the way it was. it's never going to happen. i'm happy now. truly happy. and i wish you were too. so if you'll excuse me, i'm going to have to get back to my job." as soon as you got out the door, you can hear mingyu.

"y/n! can you fix my headset!" this.. this is how life should be. and you were happy it was. whether it be with heeseung or without heeseung.

maybe in another life, you could be his and he could be yours.

but this was your dream.. right?

welcome deobis

lee sangyeon

bae jacob

kim younghoon

lee hyunjae

my last love oneshot, dad!au, fluff [ dating lee jaehyun was the best thing that ever happened to the both of you but when things don't work it, everything falls apart. what happens when years later, he shows up in your life again successful with his career, which is the main reason to your breakup, but still in love with you? ]

lee juyeon

moon kevin

choi chanhee

ji changmin

ju haknyeon

kim sunwoo

sohn eric

destination: magic island

💌 pairing: choi soobin x reader 💌 genre: oneshot, best friend to lover!au, fluff 💌 warning: yeonjun cheats but there is nothing implied to this. just for the sake of the story. please do not misunderstand or get angry. it's just fiction! 💌 word count: 3.6k 💌 author's note: it's the holidays! i hope all of you spend your winter break with people you love and do everything you want to do. create a new year resolution list and set a new mindset. and to all the moas out there, i know you're mad about mama (i am too) but throw that away and live happily.

[ finding out your 3 year boyfriend had been cheating on you, you couldn't find the strength in you to accept that he was no longer in love with you. and even if he still was, would your best friend really stand by and watch as you crumble? ]

it was three days before christmas eve. everyone knew this time of the year was the hardest to get plane tickets. but luckily, you had scored two for your holiday trip with your boyfriend.

"y/n!" you perked your head out the door while still checking that you had packed everything. "what, yeonjun?"

"i can't find my phone!" you see the device on the bathroom counter charging, taking it out. "it's right here!" his reply was faded out when his phone screen lit up with a text notification.

i miss you jun. i'll be waiting for you to ditch....

you couldn't read the rest of it but you didn't need to. you could hear the way his footsteps rushed at the sound of silence and when he entered the bathroom, you gave him his phone. when he didn't say anything, you grabbed his hand. "jun.. what's that about?" he checked his phone before placing it in his back pocket. "oh. it's just my cousin. i'm gonna call her later for holiday greetings so... yeah." you nodded your head, not much else you're able to say. yeonjun quickly pulled you into his embrace with, what seemed like a very nervous chuckle. but you didn't say much since his smell was intoxicating enough for you to melt into him once again.

the day of the flight came along just as quickly as anything else during the holidays. you were standing at check-in, and instead of waiting for your boyfriend like you had planned, you were balling your eyes out. it's been thirty minutes and you were starting to worry you wouldn't be able to stop crying. an hour ago, you got a call from yeonjun telling you that he no longer wanted to be with you and that he had found someone else. he didn't give you much time to say anything but it was hard to miss that feminine, annoying giggle on the other end. and of course, the tickets are non refundable. holiday tickets are insane. you can never get them but you can also never get rid of them.

within the first twenty minutes, you found yourself calling your best friend. "soobin? can.. can you please come pick me up?" as soon as he heard the sobs coming from the other end of the call, he started grabbing some random clothes and things he'd need and packed them up. with a messy suitcase and his passport, he had a taxi speeding to the airport. when he finally got himself placed in check-in, he was looking for you. it wasn't hard because he found your back crumpled up from the loss in energy. starting with a back hug, he greets your teary self. "you okay?" you scoffed at the way you knew your eyeliner and mascara was messed up. "do i look okay?" you smile at the way he rubs your back until your eye catches the suitcase in his other hand. "what is- soobin?" he traces your eye level towards his suitcase and smiles. "you still have both tickets right?", at the nod of your head, he smiles. "great.. then let's go."

you couldn't resist the smile that appeared on your face, finally noticing what he was indicating. you grabbed his hand and quickly ran to check-in.

soobin has always been there for you. maybe not since day one but you met yeonjun through him. well, kinda.. soobin and yeonjun were on good terms and were really close in the beginning. but as time passed, he started getting distant. it just so happened to be when you were getting closer to yeonjun. you just thought maybe he didn't like the thought of yeonjun replacing your best friend spot. but both yeonjun and soobin knew it was so much more. after yeonjun and you started dating, soobin didn't talk to you for about three weeks but he eventually came back around. he couldn't survive staying away from you too long. although, you could still sense something was wrong between the three of you.

an hour passed and you were well on the boarding gate, finding your seats in the plane. you fell asleep as soon as the plane took off but soobin understood. you just spent almost an hour crying from all the mess that happened this morning. the next thing that came across your ears were "you have reached your destination. welcome to tokyo, japan. enjoy your stay!" and then once again in japanese. you couldn't believe it. you were here!! with soobin! this was a going to be a great get your mind off yeonjun and be with your bestie trip.

once soobin and you were out with your luggages and done with the whole exiting process, you ran out of the airport taking in the crisp winter breeze. "we should probably go check in the hotel first, right?" you watch as soobin nods before remembering that yeonjun and you figured you wouldn't need two rooms or two beds and so you ended up getting a couple's suite.

a taxi came to take both of you to the hotel and once you entered, you were scurrying over to customer service. "hi. i'm y/ln y/n. and my reservation might be under choi yeonjun. i was wondering if it's possible to switch suites now." the girl at the desk seems oddly busy with staring at soobin who was taking a look around and you couldn't help but let out an awkward laugh. "you see. umm.. my boyfriend and i were supposed to share that room but now we're not. and my friend over there needs a room. is there any way that you could-"

"so you guys aren't a couple?"

"um.. no.. no, we're not. but why does this matter?" the strange grin the rises in her face creeps you out. "anyway. so? can you?"

"oh. i'm afraid not, miss. they are no current vacancies in connected rooms. unfortunately with the holidays, bookings and reservations alterations must be done within a week before your arrival. you will have to suffice with this one. i'm incredibly sorry." you grab the keys she was handing to you with a smile because this girl was paying no attention to you. "yeah. okay. that's alright. thanks." walking over back to soobin, you almost trip over your suitcase. but lucky for you, your best friend had long arms and caught you before you fell. "sorry."

"don't be. so? how were the rooms?"

"well.. i couldn't change them but we can sleep on the same bed, right? i mean we're not seven anymore but it's not weird. well. i don't know. maybe it is. do you think it's weird, binnie? nevermind. we should just-"

"i think it's perfect," he places both his hands on both sides of your arms to calm you down. "take a breath, y/n. everything's going to be alright," you nod your head as you grab your suitcase in one hand and your keys in the other. "we can go drop our things in the hotel and then go have some fun. unless you wanna rest for today. it's still 9:40. we can go do something or we can sleep for the night and start tomorrow." both offers seemed nice but the flight was fine on your body. it was the crying session you had a few hours back.

"okay. let's go rest today and we'll have fun tomorrow."

"sounds like a plan."

——————————

while the two of you had fun for the next couple of days, christmas was creeping up. it was the morning of christmas eve and you couldn't thank soobin enough. he had made you happy once again within a very short span of time. maybe because it was japan. or maybe because it was soobin. you guys had decided to go watch the christmas tree light up today while ice skating. this, in which you were just getting dressed for, you caught up with soobin who had just gotten a taxi for the both of you.

"can you believe this christmas miracle?" he looked over to you who was staring out the window. "hmm?" you glanced over with a smile. "that i got a good hair day and a good skin day. if only i did my makeup a little cleaner." you pouted as you saw yourself in the rear mirror of the taxi. but not long enough until soobin has you facing towards him. "you don't need any type of miracle to look this way. you're just pretty," you couldn't help but blush at his words, smacking him out of embarrassment. "you wanna hear my miracle?" you nodded as he held you close for warmth. "that we're together here on christmas. something we haven't been able to celebrate together for three years." you thought about it. he was right. two of the times you were with yeonjun and the other was with yeonjun's family and yours. "you're right. that is a miracle."

"but you know i need one more miracle saved," he looked at your confused expression and twiddled with his fingers. "depending on what you answer me today, i will be very happy or absolutely crushed."

"what?"

"i'm just kidding! don't worry about it." you both laughed it off as the taxi driver finally pulled over.

once you guys were on the rink, you held hands. the both of you weren't the best at it, maybe even around the same level of skill. you stumbled a few times but so did he. the first time you had tripped, he caught you and complained about his ass hurting for ten minutes. about two hours pass when you hear the announcement to the tree lighting. you quickly skate over to the exit with soobin and changed your shoes. "let's go!!" you were so excited to see this. you got yourself up close but didn't see soobin around. you called his name but everyone looked at you weirdly so you decided to call him. but before you could reach for your phone, arms wrapped around you with small cups in their hands. you turned around to see soobin with pink cheeks, grinning from ear to ear. you noticed the new earmuffs on his head home with an extra around his neck. you grabbed the one on his neck and placed it around your own head. you giggled, looking at how cute he looks right now while sipping the hot chocolate he had just handed to you.

"tree lighting is starting. in thirty seconds."

you quickly looked back at the tree with a little shiver before feeling the warm embrace around you once again. you smiled as he pulled you into his down jacket. with a smile on your face, you faced towards the tree again. but this time, you spot something you didn't think you'd see on this trip. or rather, someone. the shock caused you to drop your drink. "you okay?", soobin picks up the drink and places it on the floor facing up, deciding to clean up later when they are less people. "what's wrong?" he knew by the look in your eyes that you were about to cry.

with the feeling that you wouldn't be answering him, soobin let you be. on the other hand, the man from across had instinctively smiled at the sight of you. your ears felt muffled. and not because of the earmuffs. "3! 2! 1! whooo!" you hear the cheering noises of everyone surrounding you. you stood frozen while everyone else starting leaving their spots for the events that were opening up soon.

soobin looks at where you were looking, finally seeing the same perspective. he walks over and places himself in front of you, blocking your view. "y/n.. don't. you promised me you wouldn't hurt yourself again." you took in a deep breath, nodding at his remark. "you're right. i just.. i need to talk to him and ask him why." soobin didn't like what you were putting yourself through. and what made it worse was the past three days have been so great and he finally felt like maybe you were starting to feel something for him the way he has for you. you just didn't want to admit it.

as soon as he heard those steps coming towards the two of you, he turned around, letting you hide behind him. "what do you want, yeonjun?" yeonjun smiles almost apologetically. no. soobin was right. you weren't going to give in like this. "i just want to talk to y/n. please y/n.." you slowly walked out into view and looked at those eyes that you always found yourself melting into. "bin..," you say when he tries to pull you back. soobin felt a shake in his heart. almost like it was telling him to get ready for a heartbreak. and so he let go of you. "go back to the hotel. i'll catch up with you later." he really didn't want to. tonight was supposed to be their night. with no yeonjun involved. but he didn't want to hold you back. "call me. if anything happens." he whispered before walking off.

"yeonjun. what are you doing here?" you felt your eyes already tearing up. when yeonjun had called you that day, you felt a hole in your chest. soobin seemed to always cover that up. but i guess some wounds don't always heal all the way. "can we go to a cafe or something? i.. i really want to apologize." you so wanted to let out a scoff but it came out as a soft nod and a sigh. you hated yourself. you couldn't even control your own body.

yeonjun had ordered some warm drinks while you found the two of you seats. when he came over, it didn't go by unnoticed that you had chosen a spot where he sits on the other side and no other space to sit closer to you. but he wasn't going to push it. the last three days have been hell for him. "so?"

"right.. y/n, please just know that. i still love you," the scoff came out long overdue. "i need you to know that when i tell you this, i mean it. breaking up with you was a big mistake. i had thought that with you not wanting to be.. you know. active. i just assumed you didn't love me enough to do it. with me. and i started doubting myself when naeun came back."

"naeun?" of course this bitch had to be a part of it. she was always a jealous and petty girl who could never stand you being near yeonjun. "i know. i know what it sounds like. and i swear it's not an excuse. i was the one who flirted first. it's wrong but i just wanted to feel something. okay? and.. with you, it felt like it was going nowhere. so please.. it's just. i love you. i do. and i know what i did was wrong. but is there anyway? anyway you could take me back?" yeonjun warm hands engulfed around your small, cold ones. you flinched at the touch. the touch that always felt natural to you.

"jun.. it's not. it's not right. cause. if you love me, why?" you felt yourself caving in more and more. if it wasn't for the bells jingling at the sound of the door opening, you wouldn't have snapped yourself out of it. soobin was heading your way. he looked at yeonjun with spite and you with worry. "i couldn't leave you here with him and let you do things you'll regret in the morning." he was right. soobin was always right.

"you guys aren't- dude really? you just swoop in and take my girlfriend away from-" you've had enough. "excuse me! but for your information, soobin only came with me because you left me hanging at the airport for an hour. and don't even think of blaming this on him. because he is the only person who ever sticks by me," by the time your tears were flowing, soobin placed himself in front of you like a guard. all of you decided to leave the cafe since people were starting to look and you knew that japan was the last place to cause a scene, seeing how respectful and enclosed they are. "and i'm sorry. did you say my girlfriend? because the last time i remember is you dumping me for some other bitch!" soobin finally got you to stop talking when he grabbed your hand. you looked up at him as he seemed to be having a staring contest with yeonjun.

"yeonjun. please.. just let her be. i backed off. didn't i?," he looked back and whispered to yeonjun, which you could kinda hear. "i want my chance with her." your eyes widened at the words and you felt your heart skip a beat.

——————————

"so.. what was that about?" you asked as the both of you were back in your hotel room. soobin looked over to you confused. "what are you talking about?"

"soobin. i heard what you said to yeonjun. what does it even mean?" oh you knew what it meant. you just.. you wanted to hear him say it. not like it was something you've been wishing to hear since you first became friends with him. what?

"look y/n.. it was supposed to be at a better place and a better time. that was kinda why i planned today. and..," he looked over to you and stood in front of you. you get overwhelmed with the towering stance, causing heat to rise up your cheeks. "i like you. in a way i know you don't. i have for a really long time and i just always missed the timing for it. especially when i literally led you to yeonjun and you started liking him and dating him. i thought i had lost you so i tried to ignore you but i couldn't. and i know it sounds weird for me to say it right now but i wish you'd just forget about it if it would affect our friendship-"

"bin," you stopped him from blurting out all those words with your hands covering his. well.. not really. because his hand was the size of your face. not the point! "calm down. i wish you had told me sooner. because i felt the same way about you when we were still kids. and i only told you i felt attracted to yeonjun because i wanted to see how you'd react. obviously when you set me up with him, i thought you didn't care for me that way and that's why i started dating yeonjun. of course, i fell in love with him at some point. but somewhere in my heart, i always knew it was you." you heard a cry and you looked up. but it wasn't even soobin. he just looked more shocked. you looked around to see your phone on the bed, connected to a call. from the one and only yeonjun. you quickly picked it up and placed the phone to your ear. "yeonjun? you heard all of that, didn't you? look.. i didn't mean that i didn't love you. i did! but.."

"no. i get it. i always knew you guys would find each other sometime. even though i figured you and i would be able to work it out in this lifetime. i love you, y/n. but you deserve better. and now i know that too. goodbye." with the beep, your tears started once again. soobin's first instincts were to engulf you in a hug.

after a few minutes had passed, you felt soobin stop playing with your hair. "so.. guess you love me, huh?" you took a step back to smack him. but it didn't take a newborn baby to know that you sure did. "i guess i do. do you have a problem with that, mr. choi?"

"i don't know. mrs. choi?" your blush came so naturally but you weren't actually shocked until you saw the ring box pulled out of his jacket. "oh my god." "i know that we really haven't had the time to date but i believe we have done a lot of things most friends don't do anyway. and i have liked you for a really long time. now that i know you felt the same way.. i want to ask you." soobin gives you the box. your heart literally stops at his words. you'd more than love to marry him. but isn't it too sudden? "soobin.."

"wait wait. i think you'll agree to this. y/n. will you marry me," he opens the box to a small band ring with the letter s plated in the middle. "someday?" you don't know how many times you have cried in front of him this past week but you were happy that for once, you were crying from happiness. "yes. yes, soobin! oh my god." with a swift second, he has you in his arms with a smile long overdue.

"finally. i get to tell my mom you're mine. she's tired of me pining over you." you chuckled at his confession. "and my mom will be glad that i'll be bringing someone familiar." he pulls you into a kiss in which you fully accepted with your arms around his neck loosely and tiptoes to match his height. "i love you.."

"i love you too."

welcome stays

bang chan

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