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my last love oneshot, dad!au, fluff [ dating lee jaehyun was the best thing that ever happened to the both of you but when things don't work it, everything falls apart. what happens when years later, he shows up in your life again successful with his career, which is the main reason to your breakup, but still in love with you? ]

lee juyeon

moon kevin

choi chanhee

ji changmin

ju haknyeon

kim sunwoo

sohn eric

in another life

💌 pairing: lee heeseung x reader 💌 genre: oneshot, idol!au, angst, sad ending 💌 word count: 2.9k 💌 author's note: i've always wanted to try out the idol au so here i am. i tried to research a lot about all the details in idol's schedules but if it is wrong, please look over it. i am human after all.. i have written this for the mere reason of me wanting to write angst. i contemplated a lot on writing for enhypen and where i should begin. especially cause most of them are literally the same age as me or as my friends so it makes it weird to imagine this story. but i considered doing this one because it's gonna be angsty and realistic. enjoy the reading!

[ you never expected yourself to break the one rule. the trap of falling in love with an idol. but fall you did. you knew it was wrong but what could you do? it's not like you could control your heart. and for the sake of his job and his members too, the company can do nothing but stop you guys. there's nothing you can do, being a commoner, you had to let him go. do you love him enough to let him go? ]

the past two years have been a rollercoaster, really. your journey began with your mother working for the company, hybe labels. well, she had been working since the company was small and were called bighit entertainment; around 2012. so you knew many of the staff as uncles and aunts. your mom was a single mom. no shame in that. but it made lots of things hard on her end which caused you to have three part-time jobs. you wanted to do your part and make up for your father leaving the two of you. by the time you were graduated from high school, you had received a full-ride scholarship to attend a good 4 year university with the major of technical management. you were well satisfied. if all goes well, you would be right up there with your mother as she styled the idols and you leading them on stage to soundcheck and lighting. well.. let's just say you've never had good luck when it came to such big dreams. because not even your first year in college, your mom gets diagnosed with lung disease, an uncurable one at that. as much as you hated to admit it, without a cure any time soon, your mom was on a deadline. soon enough, she resigned and was given proper care for her hospital bills and insurance too. you were glad that at least she had been taken good care of from a good company.

naturally, you quit your part-time jobs and decided to finish university as fast as you can. luckily, your ged credits were easily made up from your high school classes and your chancellor had allowed you to graduate in two years, as long as you finished the rest of your credits during the summer as well. so you bust your ass off for the next year and with hard work and more hard work, you go to graduate in the summer. nothing special. just a diploma and a medal. obviously, what came after this was job hunting. but you didn't have to. like you had known, hybe was a good company that took good care of their employees. and so, here you were standing in front of the big building with the job offer for tech manager. you accepted, of course. where else were you going to get a decent paying, benefit-filled contract with amazing staff surrounding you? nowhere. exactly.

with hopes that everyone will like you, you enter the company and are immediately engulfed with positive, well-oiled working engine, energy. few weeks of training and shadowing someone got you to be assistant manager within no time. you started working with their newest boy group, enhypen. they were all sweet to you, of course professional too.

time after time, comeback after comeback, you and the members had grown much closer. especially lee heeseung. he had welcomed you the best. showed you around on how their schedule goes, what each member likes to do during soundchecks, and so forth. like a hopeless romantic, you did the one thing your mother made you promise to yourself you wouldn't do. working at such a corporate, being married is usually a requirement, due to many of the scandals the idols may be risked into. you were hired with an exception but that didn't make it any less forbidden to interact with the idols in that way. but what could you have done? not have a crush? not fall in love? all valid answers and you probably should've listened to yourself at the time. but.. he came to you first. he asked you first.

heeseung is a sweetheart. always has been and probably always will be. that's what made him feel so special. he was always there. when you found out that your mom is going to have to get surgery, even after the surgery, and also when you were told there's nothing else they can do for your mom. he let you cry in his arms like any boy would do when he likes a girl. but your situation was different. and you knew it. but you still let yourself be enveloped into his embrace, let your feelings make way, and to ignore whatever your inner subconscious would tell you; which was to stop and drop everything before it hurts anyone.

too late.

a few weeks ago from today, you were told by the higher ups that you must no longer interact with heeseung or with enhypen. especially with them being semi-rookies, they should be more careful with things like this.

things like this. that's all your love meant to everyone outside of you and heeseung's relationship.

they had been considering transferring you to another company. luckily for them, they were a label. so they could easily transfer you to a different group without letting loose of you. despite the whole romance that has been taken over, you were good at your job and everyone knew that. maybe that was why they didn't try to stop it as they usually would. you never cry. or so you thought. perhaps it was just that you never had time to cry. with working, there's no way you can just start crying but when you'd go home, you're taking care of your mom. again, no way. sure. you cried to heeseung about your mom but that was that. there was no one you could talk to that would relate or comfort you about this. you put yourself through this.

so the day you go to the park to clear your mind, it was the first time in years you cried. you were getting weird looks from some and pitiful eyes from others. but you could care less. you were not even 22 yet and you were struggling to pay hospital bills, to keep your relationship, to live the life that you wished. that being said, maybe that was why when heeseung had told you these words, you didn't shed a tear.

"i can't love you."

can't. not don't. you wanted to notice the difference in his words. but it honestly didn't matter at this point. when heeseung had noticed the way your face was expressionless, lips pale and eyes dead, he couldn't help but feel that you had known this was coming. it didn't make any of it easier, of course.

"please.. say something, y/n," you let your head rise until your eyes met his. it's funny how a week can change things. you remember just last weekend, you were laying on the floor of the dorm living room, watching some show the tv was streaming with heeseung laying next to you. his arms around you as you two giggled over jake complaining that you guys had finished the last ramen. and now the two of you stand, in front of one another. one's eyes filled with tears and the other with no tears left to cry. he leaves a hard grip on your shoulders, trying to shake you out of what seemed like a daydream. but in fact, you were just tired. tired of believing this was the better choice than all of the above. "i'm begging you. i need you to say something." you slowly wipe the tear rolling down heeseung's cheek and smile.

"heeseung. it's hard not to love you.. but i can't say it's easy to love you either.. you have to understand that this is what's best for the both of us," he pulls you into his chest, hurriedly wrapping his arms around you as if that would stop everyone from pulling him out of this relationship. "i agree.. hee. i agree with the company. i want you to succeed and live your dream. even if that means our dream must die. it's worth it. i swear to you it is." you nodded, almost like you're trying to convince yourself and not the man in front of you. slowly pushing him away, you let out a soft sigh.

his lips trembled at your smile, knowing that you were just acting tough for the sake of his heart. "i'll make it up to you. i promise. i promise to you that one day, i will become such a big hit that no one can control me and judge me for who i'm with. it's cruel to ask. i know.. but can you wait for me? can you-" with a grasp of both your hands on his, he stops.

"i won't. i can't.. hee.. you don't need me. i can love you and cherish you. but it won't give you anything. but your fans? your company? there's just so much more ahead for you. i can't get in the way of that. so instead of a promise to me.. make a promise to yourself. that you will become a big hit because you want to and because that's the life you want to live. not for me. not for anyone else. hmm?," you had many breakdowns together but never had you seen heeseung so brokenhearted. and you couldn't help but feel yourself quiver a bit too. you reach up on your toes to give him a soft kiss on the cheek. "goodbye heeseung.." i loved you i love you.

heeseung watches as you gather your things and leave. he had never felt so empty. what was his dorm, slowly just became a place for him to sleep and rest. it no longer felt like home. nor did his recording studios. he can still hear you messing around with the mic and see you dancing to his dances, in which you failed to copy, but none of that mattered. he still thought you looked cute. the hybe rooftop no longer gave him a relaxing feeling. and he soon realized that none of these places were home to him. you were his home. one he let go of. one he will miss all his life. back at his dorms, his members saw him as a mess. and rightfully so. they all loved you and loved the heeseung when he was with you. he was happy. he was loved. so the night when he was scrummaging through his room to find his airpods; one he tended to lose often if it wasn't for you; he came across a silver chain. a bracelet he recalls giving you. he wonders why it had gotten under his drawers when the faint memory of you comes up.

that bracelet was given to you by heeseung on your first anniversary and a few weeks later, you ended up losing it. you cried to him about it because you felt bad for losing something precious that he had given you. and now here it was. in his shaking right hand. he slowly wraps it around his left wrist and clasps the chain on. with an exhale, the tears were back. soon enough, the other members could hear heeseung balling in his room and it sucked because they knew there was nothing good enough to comfort him. jungwon cleared his throat and slowly entered the room with a knock. "hey hyung?" he could see the way heeseung quickly wiped his tears away and sat up.

"please don't act like you aren't hurt.. it hurts the rest of us to see you suffering..," heeseung's sigh allows jungwon to tap his back with a rhythm. "look.. if it's meant to be, someday, you'll run into her again. and you'll see that nothing has changed. but for now. you gotta think for yourself, hyung. you have to wake up and see that you still have everything else." heeseung's surprised with jungwon's pep talk because despite all the mature things he usually says, he didn't realize jungwon gives good advice on love too. so with a nod, he stands up, tidies his room up a little, before heading to the living room where the others watch a drama.

--------------------

it's been three years since. your mother had sadly passed a year ago. but she fought her best and you knew she was tired. everything had changed around you except for one thing. hybe was still a good label. placed you into one of their companies, pledis. you worked for seventeen after everything and occasionally other projects among the music stations.

yesterday was their comeback so they're starting promotions today. the first one was music bank. you were excited because since you were now an on-call tech manager. last year, you were given an opportunity to travel on their world tour as the 2nd tech manager. which basically means you get to go with them but behind the scenes. you decided not to because you didn't want to travel in that tight schedule so you stayed behind. a part of you wanted to see the world. but you didn't want it to be rushed and formed around another person's schedule. so glad you did. because this year, you were upgraded into a higher position and now get to be on stand-by. more risks and harder work, but in the end, it was what you wanted. this is gonna be your second comeback with them with this position. first time went great but you were nervous. this time, you know you're just gonna do great.

"lights?"

"they're good."

"what about all the cameras? are they charged?"

all these questions made this feel more real. you were going to present these idols live in about half an hour. soon after, woozi, one of the seventeen members, came up to you and asked if his mic was connected or not because it wasn't working. you instantly fixed it and decided to check on the others as well. everything was good. until you hear a voice you knew all too well, practicing his vocals in a room. you halt and smile at the talented voice before knocking on the door. the seven boys' eyes shifts over to you at your voice with a few gasps here and there. "hi guys, i'm the tech manager. i'm just going to be checking everyone's mics as there were a few issues in seventeen's. so if you don't mind, can you guys show me the mic system and headsets?," they hurriedly take out their mics and lay them out onto a table. as you checked each one, you could feel a few eyes staring at you. you cleared your throat. "okay.. looks good. thank you guys." you look up at their manager and with a bow, you excuse yourself. before getting a grasp of a hand around your wrist. already knowing who it was, you turned around.

"y/n.." with a smile, you slowly release his grip on you. "it's been a while.."

"yes. it has. and i'm glad to see that everyone's doing good."

"how have you been?" you could hear the managers from a mile away, talking about you. honestly, you thought this was all over with by now. but what's done is done. "i'd advise you to go back to your group, sir."

"y/n. don't act like that," with barely any expression on your face, he sighs. "i have some things i left unsaid. and i've been wanting to tell you like crazy. is there any way i can talk to you? and maybe start over?"

"look. i don't know what you mean by start over. but this? it ended three years ago. and if you're here to apologize, don't. it was mutual and it honestly worked out better this way. but if you're here, hoping that things would go back the way it was. it's never going to happen. i'm happy now. truly happy. and i wish you were too. so if you'll excuse me, i'm going to have to get back to my job." as soon as you got out the door, you can hear mingyu.

"y/n! can you fix my headset!" this.. this is how life should be. and you were happy it was. whether it be with heeseung or without heeseung.

maybe in another life, you could be his and he could be yours.

but this was your dream.. right?

chrysanthemums

💌 pairing: choi beomgyu x reader 💌 genre: oneshot, strangers to lovers!au, angst, major character death 💌 warning of su!c!de!! i don't want to offend anyone so i tried to make the process minimal but it's obviously such a big turn and an important part in one's life so it will be a scene. also this is in no way an assumption about beomgyu or anyone's mental condition. 💌 word count: 2.6k 💌 author's note: beomgyu has been biaswrecking me so hard these days. it’s so hard to stay yeonjun biased.. but honestly it’s hard to even have one bias in txt at all. enjoy the read!

[ all his life, he didn't know why this thing called living was such a big deal. at some certain point in his life, he no longer lived, only did what he needed to survive. but the day he met you, he suddenly had a reason to live. time passes and another accident occurs, ending up with one of you getting hurt. could you both move on from that? ]

it started off as a normal saturday for you. you remember waking up late, finishing up on projects, and your usual late night walk around han river. although, that night in particular was a little foggy and it made you become more aware of your surroundings. considering spring was just a few days away, the winter air still lingered. with careful steps, the corner of your eyes caught movement. you were confused as the shadow seemed to be attached to a person very tall. but the more you stepped closer, the more the sight became clearer. you screamed.

so perhaps it wasn't a normal saturday.

in just a moment, you were running over and pulling down a man away from the bridge, away from an end at life. "mister?! what are you doing?! what are you thinking?!," you're hitting his back at every chance while he cries in your arms. "please! this isn't the way! you can't do this!" when the man's eyes come up to finally meet yours, you're astonished. how beautiful he is. how amazingly gorgeous he is.

you sat on the horridly bumpy ground, the pebbles digging into the back of your legs. but you could care less as you watched the man repeating apologies. after a while, once he had calmed down, you stood the both of you up with a soft smile. "are we okay now?" you said, trying to be delicate with your words. he softly nods. checking your phone for the time, you realized it was very late in the night, there would be no cafes open. so you decided to settle for a convenience store, although you wanted better, you slightly placed his shoes back in front of him. waiting for him to slide them on, you looked around to make sure he wasn't leaving anything else behind.

a few minutes of walking and holding his hand, you looked up at his face that were stained with his tears. how could someone still look pretty after releasing a whole life's worth of tears. his peripheral vision seemed to be good because he had noticed your stare and looked over. "i'm sorry," he repeated. "i wasn't thinking straight. but...," you waited, not wanting to push him. "this... life is pretty hard. it gets harder every day. ya know? i just.. it's.." you watch him give up with explaining.

"okay.. we're here. just choose whatever you want. i'll buy it for you and you know.. we can maybe.. talk? or not." the corner of his lips had lifted as soon as his eyes spotted the chips. it really didn't go by unnoticed so you immediately grabbed the one stuck to his gaze and another few candies too. you turned him around to the drinks too, grabbing a strawberry juice. checking the items out, you got a seat and placed him down. you watched as he started eating the ready made ramen, waiting for his signal.

after a few minutes of silence, he cleared his throat, looking up. "do you want some?," you shook your head with a chuckle, already getting full from watching him eat. "i'm beomgyu, by the way. choi beomgyu." you nodded. "and i'm y/ln y/n."

that was the start of your love story with choi beomgyu. sure, you would have never guessed that the man you saved would fall in love with you and you with him. it all happened so fast. well four months... plus the fact that you hung out almost everyday. okay, maybe it wasn't all that fast. but beomgyu is a rather... well let's just say he's really not the type to be emotionally unstable. he's outgoing and weird even if he was a deep thinker. but you loved him for that. it's been almost two years since he had asked you out.

in a way, you both made each other happier. of course, there were times when you felt awful about yourself and about your life. but being with him helped you put your mind off of anything negative. in a way, he relieved everything off your plate. on a day with stressful work, he'd cook your favorite food and watch any movie available that seemed interesting. on a day with when someone offended you, he'd listen to all you had to say and shower you with compliments. on a day you would be disappointed in your self, he'd take you out on a date and always end it with a walk by the bridge you first met. on a day when you were most reminded about the cold winter night, he'd buy the first available tickets to watch the chrysanthemums grow in the flower fields. you two had gone every year since it reminded the two of you of the winter lingering spring night the two of you had met.

you loved him with all your life. but why did this still feel so wrong?

on the second anniversary of your meeting, you and beomgyu had promised a fancy dinner at one of his friends' uncle's restaurant and then exchange gifts at night in your bedroom. you were so excited for weeks. but how could it all go so wrong?

it was already late afternoon, as beomgyu stared down at the velvet box. for the first time in his life, he was confident to spend a life with someone. his life with yours. he chuckled to himself that only a year or so ago, he could've missed out in this chance. he could've missed out on a chance with you. with a soft smile, he slowly closes the small box and shoves it into the right pocket of his pants. when he finally noticed the time, he frowned. you should be here by now. in fact, you were supposed to meet half an hour ago. concerned, he pulls out his phone but just as if on time, his phone rings.

"where are you? i've been wait-"

"hello? is this y/ln y/n's guardian?," suddenly, he blanks. the whole world stops. "hello?"

"uh.. yes! umm. who am i speaking to?" he was horrified. he was thinking all sorts of things. "this is haegeum hospital. we were just brought in y/ln y/n and she is in critical condition and we are currently waiting on her surgery to end. i am contacting you to-" beomgyu didn't hear anything after that. he had rushed out of the restaurant so quickly, he tripped on his way three times. he was out of his mind. he couldn't lose you. starting the car made him notice his pulse even more. he honestly couldn't remember what occurred during his drive to the hospital. but he really couldn't care less. all he wanted was to be with you right now.

as soon as he entered the doors, he was yelling at the lady in the front. "where is she?! where is y/ln y/n?!" but the lady was calm. she was probably used to it. "sir.. y/ln y/n is.. y/ln y/n is in room 304. please check with the doctor before. i will call him to the front of the room." beomgyu wished he didn't know what that meant. but he had already experienced this before. with his mom first. and then his grandpa. he was losing everyone around him and it was all too familiar to him. he watched as the lady called up somebody on the phone. but he couldn't wait around. he looked around the lobby and noticed a sign labeled rooms 270-320. he quickly ran over to the elevator, pressing on the keys a little too hard.

when he arrived in front of your door, a doctor and a nurse were waiting. "are you y/ln y/n's guardian?," with a nod, the doctor gives beomgyu a tap on the shoulder and looks over to the nurse. "i'm sorry." beomgyu's eyes wavered over to the doctor who was walking away and the nurse who looked at him with teary eyes.

"no..," he loses strength in all his body and his knees give out. "NO!" he rushes to open the door, only to come in sight with your cold, lifeless body. only when the nurse closes the door behind her, does he burst into tears. he gives beomgyu a moment.

after minutes of tears and uneven, heavy breaths, the nurse slowly makes his way over to beomgyu. "hello sir. i'm here to talk to you about kim y/n," beomgyu looks up at the nurse. he hated those sympathetic eyes. "can we discuss her incident?" beomgyu nodded. "what happened?"

"y/n came in with water in her lungs and barely enough oxygen in her. by the time someone had called the police, she had been in the water for too long. we have a witness who claims to have seen her make an attempt to commit su!c!de." beomgyu couldn't believe what he was hearing. his head turns to you in the slowest way possible. "you said that life meant more. you said that i should live my life. that it was beautiful! that you wanted to live your life with me! you're the reason why i'm still here! YOU'RE THE REASON WHY I'M STILL LIVING!" the nurse takes beomgyu's figure and pulls him up to take a seat.

"i'm kang taehyun. and i wanted to make sure this information got to you. that we are extremely sorry that we were not able to save her." beomgyu was mad. not at the hospital for not being able to save her. not at the witness for taking too long to call. not at you for even thinking of doing this. but he was mad at himself. he was mad that he hadn't noticed. he was mad that all this time, he was so focused on how you had helped him that he didn't even help you. he was mad that he missed a chance on being caring and more thoughtful towards you. but little did he know, he was. he was everything to you. he was why you even stopped thinking about all of this.

but most of all, he hated how ironic this was for all this to happen on the anniversary of your meeting. the day he met you, he had wanted to take his own life. and now to this day, one of the two of you was doing the same thing once again. and it wasn’t him.

the nurse had walked him out after beomgyu had settled all the terms to your death. it was honestly dangerous for beomgyu to be driving right now. but he really did not care. what was a life without you when you're his reason to live. to give himself a chance. to give this life a chance. his drive back home was silent even with all the car horns beeping and people speaking outside.

once he reaches your shared home, he's come face to face with a letter right on top of the coffee table. one with your handwriting on the front, written i'm sorry gyu. and a single flower right next to it. he recognized it immediately. a chrysanthemum. he couldn't help out a chuckle. he swore if someone saw him right now, he'd be known as a psycho. but it just reminded him.

"why do you like these flowers anyway? they're not even your favorites." beomgyu asked. you had liked little flowers. like baby's breath or gypsophila. "it means the life of death and symbolic for grief of the loss of a loved one," he hated that you smiled at that. "it's a reminder to me. to us. isn't it?" he watched you look over to him with sparkling eyes and he fell in love all over again. "i love you."

"gyu.. i come to this field every year because it tells me how far you've made it. each year i come here with you is another year that i get to spend with you. beomgyu..," he felt the way your arms wrapped around him softly. "you don't know how much coming here means to me." he pulls you into his embrace and pats your head with soft strokes.

chrysanthemums growing were the first sign of spring. it was also a reminder. again and again. about what you can have with him if you could survive this toxic disease. this toxic thinking that has a way of grabbing you every now and then and swaying you like a doll. of course, he knew the feeling too. all too well actually. and you honestly don't know why you were never able to tell him. but you would forever be grateful for the way beomgyu made you feel. for making you feel loved. for making you feel special. and for making you feel like the only person in his world.

beomgyu finds himself slowly opening the letter with trembling hands. he really didn't want to read this. it'd be like he had to accept all of this.

"hey gyu. i'm sorry that it had to come to this. if you're reading this right now, you probably think it's unfair. after all this time of me saying all those things, i do exactly what i kept you from doing. i'm sorry. you probably never even expected it. i hope you didn't. cause with you, i was happy. it was the only time in my life, i ever felt genuinely happy. happy for me. happy for us. i thought that helping you would somehow also end up helping me. but it's gotten worse, gyu. way worse. i've done a horrible thing and i think you'll never forgive me for this. but i needed to let you go. let myself go. i know it's selfish but until you saw that you have such a life ahead of you, i couldn't leave. not when there was so much you had to live for. this wasn't always the plan. at some point, i realized that maybe i could get through it. maybe. just maybe i could just live for you. and it kept my mind off of all the negative space for a while. a few months actually. but the dark is rather special. it has this way to creep on you when you're at your most weak and vulnerable state. you see, the thing is. you have so much talent and opportunities on your side. while me... i only have fate. and someone once told me that fate is a funny thing. the path towards the destination may alter its course at any time but the destination, it will never change. i was always meant to go this way. with so much pushing me towards it, i had to give in. i don't expect you to forgive me but i hope someday you'll accept my decision. i love you, choi beomgyu. forever and always."

he pulls out the velvet box that was in his hand a few hours ago and stares down at it. for a future that once could’ve been.

my last love

💌 pairing: lee hyunjae x reader 💌 genre: oneshot, dad!au, fluff 💌 word count: 10.3k 💌 author's note: hyunjae being a dad just reminds me of the little kid from the d.d.d. dance thing because of how he cried after since he won’t be able to see jaehyun anymore. i found that so adorable and i searched him up a while ago on insta. he’s already so grown up. he looks like a young actor. anyway... i hope you enjoy my first oneshot! also name's gonna be hyunjae because i feel like we're more used to his stage name.

[ dating lee hyunjae was the best thing that ever happened to the both of you but when things don't work it, everything falls apart. what happens when years later, he shows up in your life again successful with his career, which is the main reason to your breakup, but still in love with you? ]

it's funny how the world works. god gives you the thing you've wished for most and then reminds you that he has full control of your life by taking it away for a split second. what hurts is that a second to god, seems like years to humans.

if anybody asks you what memory remains as the best time of your life, you'd answer your first love. lee hyunjae wasn't some boy you could start hating just because he broke up with you. lee hyunjae was your high school sweetheart. he held good standards at school, at home, and always did the best for you. so no, he wasn't some guy you hated after just a breakup. you hated him because he left you with the best gift in your life but never stayed to be a part of it. it was the summer before graduation. the both of you were supposed to go on a date because you had something to tell him. a surprise, one would say. but little did you know, he had something to share too. polar opposites, in fact. one could change your life for the better and the other would ruin it.

the first day of summer vacation. you could never forget that date. a picnic made for just the two of you as you sat down on the soft fabric and pulled out cute bento boxes you spent the night before making. you never saw it coming. not with the smile he had on his face when he was with you. not with all the flirty gestures he threw at you from habit. not with the way he stared at you as if you were the only thing he cared to see in the world.

he dumped you. at least that's the only way you saw it back then. he had a dream. a dream that was more important than whatever the two of you shared, which clearly did not mean much to him. at the time, you held grudges; why would he tell you that he loved you if he was going to break up with you? why did he kiss your cheek when he wanted to? why the hell did he plan the date?

it's been years now and that mentality of yours grew, allowing you to see this all in another light. you were young. you were naive. he was young. he was naive. and to be quite honest, both of you deserved to pursue your dreams and if that meant having to be with the right person at the wrong time, then so be it.

hold on. forgetting one important thing here, aren't we? what was your surprise that day? you had gone to your annual check up to the doctors. and they surprised you with a congratulations. you were pregnant. like any other young girl, you were terrified and you expected him to be the one to support you most.

either way, your parents and friends helped you out a lot.

you didn't mean to still be so in love but when you heard you were having a boy, the first name that popped in your head was seojun. back when hyunjae and you were joking around how cute kids were and if there were any in both your near future, you'd want to name him seojun. you ended up never thinking of a girl name because you got distracted with him dropping ice cream on his shirt. he was cute in that way.

hyunjae, on the other hand, came back from his abroad sessions and became successful. he took big responsibility within his company, something you wished he had done for you years back. the first year after the breakup was the hardest as he couldn't ever get you out of his head. although, at one point, he just got too busy to think about you. it was bound to happen. if his career meant as much as breaking up with you, he wanted to make the best out of it.

he knew nothing about you and you knew nothing of him. he was oblivious to the fact that he had a kid of his own in this world.

seojun was a handful, which was expected. he was a little boy, after all. so any type of romance was pretty much limited to little to none for you. you hear from a lot of people how it would be healthier for seojun to grow up with a father figure by his side but it was hard to do that when not anyone could make your heart flutter. a year after your breakup, you met younghoon. he was someone who never questioned anything in your life which is why it was easier to open up to him first. he's been there with you since day one of your motherhood.

today was one of those days off to hang out with your friends. you usually let yourself have a day in a month nowadays. the first two years with seojun, you never took a break with your job and taking care of him but after seeing you so overworked, your parents adjusted their work schedule and decided to let you have few days off while they took care of seojun. kevin was supposed to come first because he had something to buy and wanted to buy it before all of you plan to go somewhere else. then, the two other boys would join the both of you.

after hyunjae moved to the states, you met all your friends at an art gallery through a tour. you were in pain from all the walking and younghoon noticed, stopping his friends to come talk to you. you sat there for so long that eventually all of you lost the tour guide. you felt so bad so you offered them a drink at a nearby cafe, in which they accepted.

"y/n!" you hear the familiar voice and turn around to see a figure behind your glass plated door. you chuckled to see kevin knowing at the door frantically.

"i'm coming!!," you ran over to the door, leaving behind the tea you were making. as soon as the door opened, kevin made himself comfortable. "hello to you too." you chuckle at him sitting down on the couch.

"you're not even dressed?" kevin's sarcastic words made you scoff. "thanks. i had to take seojun to my parents' house." he chuckled at your retorted voice before helping you clean the kitchen. a few minutes later, you went to go get proper clothes to go outside before heading out to the car with kevin. he helped you coordinate your outfit. and the fact that you were a fashion designer too? yeah, kevin didn't care. he'd help you in any way he could. he was very much appreciated.

"i think it looks cute.." he mumbles, complimenting his own work. afterwards, you both get into your car, driving off to the mall which was the meeting place you all set. once you arrive, you see younghoon sitting on the bench by olive young (sephora basically).

"hey y/n!" you wave your hand as he gives you a hug. "can you take y/n to the baby store again? i gotta go pee." kevin cuts in between. younghoon chuckles with a nod before kevin goes running off to the bathrooms.

as soon as you enter the store, you received a few concerning looks which you've grown to get used to. it happened a lot in korea since it wasn't very common to give birth so early. when younghoon sees you grabbing at your sleeve, he takes off his jacket. he's known you long enough to know that when you did that, you weren't cold. you were trying to cover yourself no matter the little amount of skin you were showing. he placed the jacket around you, causing you to look up at him. "you okay?" you nod your head, grabbing a few bibs and new bottles. you wanted to get out of there as soon as possible so you quickly rushed to the cashier. everyone besides you knew you spoiled seojun because you were trying make up for the missing father.

once younghoon noticed how you were trying to rush out of there without explaining anything, he held your hand. "y/n.. i know you're not okay. may i remind you i've been there for you when you gave birth and then you came to me crying because you forgot you still had periods after giving birth? now going down the aisle to buy those tampons.. that was embarrassing." you chuckle at his attempt to cheer you up, which it did, and quickly paid for your stuff before following him out the store.

"i'm okay, hoon. and thank you for that day, although you did text me if the sizes meant how much i weighed."

"hey! in my defense, how was i supposed to know?" you both chuckled at the memory before seeing kevin and chanhee talking to one another by the bench from before.

"y/n! how's seojun?" you smiled at the child lover in front of you. "good to see you too.. seojun's doing great. he's really picking up a lot of words. not to brag or anything, but i think my kid's a genius." they all chuckled at your motherly pride coming out.

"okay so about today's plans. i was thinking the festival. it's open for a few more weeks but it's been a few days now so it shouldn't be too crowded." chanhee offers, being the group's social one. but before you could answer, you felt your phone ring. you excuse yourself to pick up the call only to have your mom telling you that seojun wouldn't stop crying and wanted to see you. you end the phone, walking back, only to tell them mother business calls. they all understood but felt too bad to discuss today's plans in front of you.

"hey i'll be fine. maybe i can make it later but we'll probably be in different places by then. i heard jacob and sangyeon's coming too, right?" younghoon nodded his head before looking at you with a worried face. "i promise i'll be fine. go have fun. just someone take kevin cause i was his ride here."

"can't stop a mother from wanting to be with her son. have fun." you smiled at kevin's words and nodded.

chanhee ushered all of you to move along out to the parking lot. you separated with them and drove over to your parents' house. knocking on the door, you smiled as you had the toy you bought for seojun.

"mommy!" you hear as soon as the door opens. "hi baby! how was hanging out with grandpa and grandma?" you said, eyes shimmering in joy.

"grandpa and i were watching tv and he had his mom with him but i didn't. so i cried.." you chuckled at his dried tear stain on his cheeks. "well mommy's here now so everything's better, right?," he nodded his head, wrapping his arms around your neck. "you're such a big boy, hmm? you stopped crying all by yourself? good job.." you complimented him as he nodded before whispering "and grandma gave me cookies.." you looked up at your mom, who was brave enough to give a three year old cookies.

"really, mom?"

"what? he seemed hungry."

"and you chose cookies out of all things?"

"okay. well, at least, i brushed his teeth after." she said, making you smile at her. you picked up seojun in your arms and kissed his cheek. "i'm taking him to the festival today."

"i'm sorry. you were on break today.." your mom apologizes but what kind of mistake is getting to hang out with your little man instead. you tickled seojun, which caused him to let out a very familiar laugh. he's got hyunjae's laugh. that awkward, cute laugh. you didn't hate it though. it felt nice to see hyunjae in him sometimes. it hurt from time to time but you felt happy that you had a mini version of him in your life.

there were certain nights you thought of how things could have been different. if hyunjae hadn't been nice enough to let you go instead of making you wait the years he studied abroad. if you had delivered the news before he did his. if hyunjae and you had just figured things out. seojun reminded you of all the nostalgic memories the two of you shared. it really wasn't fair. how amazing it felt when he was born but how painful it felt without hyunjae.

lots of people say everyone remembers and should remember three loves in your love. your first love that gives you puppy like flutters doesn't last. your second love that brings pain in different types of forms yet feels most committed and passionate. your last love that'll seem like it lasts forever and does. but in your case, where did hyunjae even fit? first love? of course. the one that brings pain? yeah.. and did it feel like your last love, one that you wanted to never end? honestly, yes.

once you reached the festival, you made sure you had some snacks and juice for seojun in your bag. as soon as you entered, seojun's eyes spots the bounce house. luckily, there was one with a smaller kid capacity so there was a lower chance of him getting hurt. you got him a turn before getting a call from younghoon. you answered, not breaking your attention on seojun. he'd asked if you made it to the festival and you told him that you had with seojun. you loved seeing that he could have fun by himself so much that you didn't hear younghoon talking about some other friends with him. "hello? earth to y/n?" you chuckle as he tells you where he is. "i'll be there in a few minutes." "no. wait. did you hear what i sai-" you end the call because you saw seojun climbing out of the bounce house.

"was it fun?," you ask, seeing him smile. "good.. how about seeing younghoon?" you offered. seojun had taken a liking on younghoon since he was one of the few men around in his life. he nods his head so you pick him up and walk towards wherever younghoon instructed to go. when you came across a corn dog station, seojun tugged at you. "can i get one of those?" you sighed, knowing he could at least eat the sausage but you didn't want him to love it or else that's all he'll want. but it was a festival. what the heck? why not? you walked over to the station and asked for just sausage in a plate. it didn't take long, fortunately, so you walked with seojun still in your arms, trying to pick at it to be bite-sized.

"yo y/n!" you hear kevin's voice so you turn around to see a few guys. you walk over and place seojun onto the ground, staring down at him as he held your hand. as soon as arrive, you give seojun the sausage. "okay don't eat and walk at the same time, remember. make sure you chew each bite instead of shoving them all.. got it?" he nods his head before taking the plate with your ripped piece. when you look up, your eyes connect with someone who you haven't seen in years.

"oh my god." you blurt out. "what? are you okay?" younghoon says, worried. he walks over, taking off his jacket and covers you. "no.. it's not that," you awkwardly laugh before looking up at the person in front of you. "so umm.. who are these guys?"

"oh. so that's changmin. chanhee knows him so he got his friends to come over. you already know sangyeon and jacob. then that's ju haknyeon, lee juyeon, kim sunwoo, sohn eric, and lee hyunjae." you smile at each one of them as they gave you a small wave until you spotted the boy directly the one closest to you again.

"anyway. they just called our number. we're up next for the maze. you wanna come with us, y/n?" you shook your head as sangyeon asks. you don't know exactly how they got jacob to go but you chuckled when he held hands with chanhee, only to get a smack on his shoulder.

"i wanna go try this one but hyunjae here, ate something weird before so he wanted to sit this one out. he'll watch over you, okay?" you could do nothing but nod as your best friend disappears into the line. you look to the side to see seojun still eating his food. you take his hand and lead him to sit on the little wall hyunjae was sitting on.

"y/n?," your shoulders tensed at the voice. "c-can we talk?"

"i think you're talking right now." you didn't mean to be so spiteful but this was just so sudden. all those days lying in bed, imagining all the scenarios of bumping into him one day, gone to waste. you were so speechless, only mean remarks came to mind.

"it's been a while.. hasn't it?" you couldn't help but let out a sarcastic laugh. "mhmm.." you grabbed a juice from your bag, handing it to seojun. the silence was suffocating you until one of the people in the toy station came walking. "here.. for the little boy." he says, handing a cool toy to seojun. you smile at his eyes glistening but glancing over to you for permission. you softly nod. "say thank you, seojun." you say as seojun stands up and bows. "what a polite child. seems like you guys are doing a good job." you chuckled awkwardly to see hyunjae frozen in his spot. he didn't mean to bombard you with questions but he had too many thoughts running through his mind right now.

you never would have thought, out of all places, you would meet again at a time and place like this. you watch as he observes seojun.

"is he.. yours?", hyunjae spoke, looking over to seojun, who wasn't even paying attention to you. seeing him peacefully playing with the toy, you look back towards hyunjae. you nodded your head, causing hyunjae to exhale a soft sigh. "are you married now?"

"no." how could you be?

"so." you both say in unison, causing you to blush.

"oh.. you go."

"no.. ladies first."

"what a gentleman..," you said, trying not to sound so snarky. "i guess.. how's everything? your life? your... career?" you were curious and who could blame you? after leaving your heart broken with no other reason than 'i just don't want to make you wait', you couldn't help but question everything you did.

"well, i opened up a company. i got back a year ago and settled in seoul," you nodded your head, trying to ignore the awkwardness. "how about you?"

"i started fashi-"

"mommy.. i'm cold." you looked over to hyunjae before sighing.

"sorry.. hold on," you grabbed his jacket and helped him put it on. "are you warmer now?" seojun takes your hand in his and flashes you a smile. "thank you, mommy."

"he's mine....", hyunjae stopped himself for a second, seeing seojun laughing. "isn't he?," he questioned. you didn't know whether he calculated the estimated age to when you two were dating or he just saw certain features of himself in seojun, but you knew he was well capable of both. you ran your hands through seojun's hair and sighed, slowly nodding your head. "and you didn't tell me this because?"

"we broke up the day i was going to tell you." hyunjae was more than guilty from your words, biting his lip.

"i'm sorry, y/n. i never meant for this to happen. i swear if i knew.. i would have been there for you. why didn't you text me? i didn't block you or anything. in fact, i assumed you would have at least call me and cuss me out or something. but after that night, you didn't call or text me. i didn't know what to do. i just-"

"hyunjae," he looked at your soft smile. "i'm okay.. no. i don't have a boyfriend. and no. i haven't been dating. but i'm happy.. i'm more than happy just to raise my son. or.. i guess. our son." you stopped your words as you see seojun walk over to hyunjae.

"daddy?" you had no idea how to respond to that. you didn't want to lie but you also couldn't tell him yes. you didn't even know hyunjae's lifestyle and how busy he would be.

"yes. i am your daddy. i'm sorry i missed your first few years of life.. you've grown up well," hyunjae says, bending down to seojun's height. "you said your name was seojun.. right?"

"yeah.. seojun." hyunjae looks up at you with a teasing smile as you scoffed at his behavior. "i had to. it was a cute name. and it stuck to me," you were surprised he still remembered. you see the other guys laughing and on their way back. "hyunjae.. can you talk any other day?" he nodded his head but before you could say anything else, younghoon's picking up seojun.

"what's up, little man?" he says as seojun giggles. you didn't miss the look on hyunjae's face as his eyebrows furrowed.

"how was the maze?," you asked as the boys all talk over themselves about how fun it was. "well i got absolutely nothing from that.. but i'm glad you had fun." they chuckled as they started to take small turns introducing themselves to seojun. you were worried he might not be able to remember so many names but it was worth a try.

"hey, how about we trade phone numbers?" eric offers. "all of us? that's too many. why don't we just have chanhee do it? he knows all of us here anyway. right, bestie?" changmin says, annoying chanhee with his sweet voice. "mhmm.. sure. why not?," he says rolling his eyes but ends up pulling out his phone anyway. all of our phones let out notification sounds. "you're welcome."

you feel seojun tug at your jeans. "i'm sleepy.."

"do you need a ride?" younghoon offers. "no, i drove here. does anyone else need a ride back though? he's probably going to sleep in the car anyway so i can drive a few of you around since i smell alcohol." you said emphasizing the word while looking at sangyeon.

"changmin and i are sober. so who are we gonna split with? if we don't fit all of us then, we'll have y/n take the others." jacob says as you nod your head, waiting for all of them to decide. you picked up seojun and patted his back, hoping he falls asleep. "okay we can't fit two people."

"i can take hoon and someone else home."

"what about hyunjae? he lives near us." younghoon says as you eye hyunjae. it was funny how much you trusted younghoon but never got to tell him exactly who seojun's father was.

"sure. why not? i'll take these two back then. goodnight, everyone." you say cheerfully but in a whisper as seojun has managed to fall asleep.

the drive back home wasn't as awkward as you'd expected since seojun sleeping made an excuse for the silence. younghoon looked after seojun in the back as hyunjae sat next to you in the passenger seat. "drop me off first cause i'm closer." you nod as you stop in front of younghoon's house. he walks over to your side and gives you a small kiss on the forehead. "goodnight, y/n.." you watch him enter his house before driving off again.

"so where do you live?" hyunjae gives you a number only to realize he was only two blocks away. all of you lived in the same community and you never noticed?

"you can come over at 6 during the evening tomorrow if that's a good time for you and we can talk," you watch as hyunjae looks at the back seat of your car. "i'm sorry.. for everything." you chuckle with a nod.

"i'll see you next time, hyunjae.."

——————————

when seojun woke up the next day, you heard him crying. you assumed it would be one of his morning bawls but once you see him sitting up in his bed, using his blanket as a tissue, you ran to him. "hey baby.. what's wrong?," you waited until he calmed down and placed him on your lap. "hmm?"

"why did daddy leave? why is he back now?" you choked from his question. never.. not even once had seojun ever asked you about his father. he just always grew up without knowing much of the meaning of a father. but, you had a father and so did many of seojun's fellow classmates. it was inevitable for him to eventually learn the word.

"baby.. h-he was very busy... with work. but he loves you.. very much. and i know he would have wanted to spend a lot of time with you," you sighed, watching as he pulled at your clothes. "how about this? you can hang out with him next time." seojun nods his head frantically at your idea and smiles with cute dimples above his lips, his left side, a little deeper. even that was from hyunjae's genes.

you hear the bell ring as soon as seojun is dressed. your mother is at the door and you let her enter with seojun in your arm.

"hey. how was the festival?", your mom asks you but as soon as she sees your blanked out face, she knew something is wrong. "sweetie.. can you take seojun upstairs?" you see your father parking his car in the garage and heads upstairs with seojun in his arms.

"i saw him.."

"who?"

"hyunjae." your mother gasps, gathering her hands in front of her mouth, shocked. you nodded, still trying to believe it yourself.

"well how was he? are you okay?" she walked you to the couch, where you both sat down.

"he was in good condition. he looked happier and brighter," you looked down at your hands, remembering the way he smiled when he heard seojun's name. "and he knows seojun is his." your mother calmly pats your back as she observes your expression. as a mother herself, she knew how her own daughter would feel. but to her surprise, you didn't seem hurt. you seemed rather relieved.

"what did you say?"

"he told me to meet him at 6 tonight to talk things out. i don't know what's going to happen but we'll see," your mother was more in shock than you were and that made you giggle. "i'm alright, mom." your reassurance made your mother nod and smile.

"you're gonna be just fine. i trust that you will do what's best for seojun and for you. but whatever happens, you know i'm always here for you." you nodded your head at her words and hugged her. "thanks mom.." you let out, a small tear rising up. "anything for you."

later on, that evening, you dressed up to go over like hyunjae had asked you to. you decided to just walk there since it wasn't too far. you were surprised when you got out of the car. the buildings were humongous and they were luxurious as well. you didn't really get to look around yesterday since you were a little out of it.

the door was opened by someone else when you knocked. "chanhee?," you were greeted by other people around hyunjae. "um hello? am i interrupting something?"

"guys. this is the y/n."

"hyunjae. they already know me. i uh- thought we'd be. alone?"

"look y/n. i'm sorry. they came barging in and..," you looked over at the six boys and back to hyunjae. "they know.."

"know what?" all of them look over to you with pitiful eyes and you knew what he was talking about. hyunjae walks over to you and holds your hand. "they already knew the whole thing. just not that it was with you."

"is that why you introduced me as "the y/n"?," he nodded his head before all of them walked over to the other room. "so.."

"there's a room to your right. it's the living room cause i didn't know if you'd be comfortable in a uh... in a bedroom." you nodded your head as you followed him. you didn't have time or the focus to pay attention yesterday but he got taller. and more toned. settling down, he offers you a drink from the counter so you smile, nodding your head before you both sit down across from each other. it was quite obvious to you how hyunjae was nervous. you were too but you were just better at hiding it.

"hyunjae. i'm okay. if you're worried about that. if you want, i can start and-"

"no. i have some things that i've prepared to say. things that i've been meaning to say to you before you changed your number and uh.. i'm afraid i'll miss my chance if i don't say it now." you nodded your head, completely understanding him. from the looks of that, he hasn't changed much and you felt happy about it. maybe it really was because you matured but now, you don't have this tingly feeling anymore like you did back in high school. back then, everything he did made you flutter.

"alright.."

"i want to apologize for that day. i think it's okay for me to say this now and i don't know if it'll change anything as of right now. but that day.. i didn't break up with you because i fell out of love with you. i did it because i knew how long it'd take to study abroad. we were gonna have different time zones and once they give me a higher position, i wouldn't be able to visit korea every now and then. i know this seems like an excuse but i swear. i didn't mean to hurt you. i had at least hoped you would stay in contact with me, whether to tell me i was a jerk or to say that you still loved me and you were hurt or maybe even about you moving on. i know it was selfish to think i could have both. i'm sorry about that... but i'm glad we somehow managed to see each other again cause i've been thinking about you. especially these days. i know it may seem like i left and forgot about you. trust me. i wanted to tell myself that you'd be happier and better off without me but it only made myself regret the way i handled things even more. by the time i decided to check up on you, i had no way to contact you. i just want you to know that i did try to fix things. i know it's sudden and you might have already moved on but.. i still love you. is there any way i could be a part of your life again? whether or not we date, that's something different. but.." you took in all of his emotion filled statements and smiled, the more he explained things. you felt relieved for his comforting reasons for everything and looked up at him once he finished.

"hyunjae.. i want you to know that i never resented you after you left. yeah, i locked myself in my room for a day. but I had seojun so i did the best for the both of us to raise him in my womb. i know you.. enough to know that you probably blamed yourself for everything. and me moving and changing phone numbers wasn't because of you. i changed companies so i had to change my address and number. and hyunjae.. i never wanted you to think that any of this was your fault. i'm happy right now and you're right. i don't know if we can get back together but seojun seemed to like you. if you really mean it, we can hang out a few times. for seojun, of course. we'll see where it goes from there but i can't guarantee you that we'll be the way we used to be." you did your best to describe things in the nicest way possible. even though you still had feelings for him, it just wasn't the same anymore.

"yeah. for sure. we can schedule something. i'll make some time. whenever you want.. i just want to make it up to you. i'm happy with the way i am now, with the guys. but i don't know if it was worth leaving you." you both sigh at the same time, causing you to laugh.

"i'm happy that you're happy. but we'll take it slow. i think that's better for all of us. i'm only doing this for seojun right now so just don't have high hopes."

"i understand.."

——————————

as soon as you reached your house, you started thinking about how everything went and realized you barely took the time to greet the other boys. you hated that you didn't notice how rude you came off as. but when you see seojun, you see the face of your ex-lover, the father of your child. after everything that you have gone through, you'd be more than happy to include him back in your- seojun's life, it still was a lot to take in.

"so.. did everything go okay?" you heard your mother by the kitchen waiting with two glasses of wine. you walked over with a smile as she slowly slid one to you. "where's dad?" she glares at you for not seeing the effort she put in to comfort you and offers the drink with a push. "your father can handle seojun for tonight. i think we can fill him in later." you sigh as you start to explain what went down the past hour at hyunjae's house.

once you were finished, your mom blinks, a little startled. "well i'm glad you were able to talk things out." you nodded your head because she was right.

"well that was fast. i got him right to sleep this time.", you hear your dad walking down the stairs with a satisfied grin on his face. "hey kiddo.. how'd it go?"

"for the first time in four years, i just had the most honest conversation. he knows about seojun and wants to be a part of his life." you carefully watched your dad's reaction as he could be harder to grasp the situation than your mom since he was more sensitive to whoever hurts you.

"i'm glad he's taking responsibility to be a part of seojun's life. but are you sure you want him back in your life? whether you like it or not, he's going to just barge back in. there's no other choice. he has half the right for seojun." you hated that he was right. you were unsure with all this. "i think i can let you figure that out on your own. i'm sure you're just as confused.. we'll be here for you. we love seojun with all our hearts and i trust that you'll make the right decision for yourself. either way, whatever you choose, we'll support you all the way." you broke into a smile at your father's comforting words, a little similar to your mother's. but what mattered was they both loved you and have supported you all throughout this bump in the road.

"aw, dad.."

"just looking out for you, buddy.." he pulls you into a hug before you look over to your mom. "go check seojun. we let him take your room so just sleep there with him." you walk up the stairs, to the room. opening the door, you see your son quietly and peacefully sleeping. you were lucky to have a kid like him. maybe it was best for seojun to formally meet his father. the only thing that worried you was hyunjae not being able to be there constantly when he was needed. he didn't have the best record for staying.

——————————

spending your sunday at a water park with seojun seemed like the best way to end your vacation. you made sure to pack everything you needed. but before you could call for seojun, your phone rings.

"i heard you saw him yesterday. why didn't you tell me it was hyunjae?" you could hear a worried, kind of panicking voice. "well.. i didn't know you knew him. it's not like i can bring it up in a conversation. oh hey, by the way the secret baby daddy's name is hyunjae. thought you'd want to know."

"well there's no need to be sarcastic.." you chuckled at his pouty voice. "how did you even know? wait.. let me guess. my mom?", the silence on the other end was loud enough. "good to know my own mother can't keep her mouth shut." younghoon's chuckle fills the speaker before a sigh. "why don't you try asking him to hang out with seojun today?"

"i'm going to the water park today." you swear you heard a squeal of a high school girl. "even better! don't call me today and make sure you stay safe but most of all, have fun!" you look for hyunjae's contact name and come across his nickname "jae". you heard the call ring two times before it's picked up. "hello?" you cleared your throat. "um hey.. it's y/n. are you busy today?"

"no. why? is something up?" your throat had gone dry. "i was just wondering if you'd like to hang out.. with seojun. if you really meant spending time with him." some rustling noises were heard on the other end before pants. "i'll be ready in ten minutes." you chuckle at his response. "okay.. i'll see you soon then." after the call ended, you headed up the stairs to see seojun dressed.

"seojun.. how would you like to see your daddy today, hmm?", almost immediately, seojun nods his head, which was a relief on your end. "alright.. good. i think you'll see him soon."

"he's here!" seojun says, hearing the doorbell ring. you watch seojun hugging hyunjae's leg. you couldn't help but break into a big smile before clearing your throat.

"yes! here i am." hyunjae says and picks up seojun. although the sight of them was everything you'd ever dreamed of, you were still worried of all that would happen.

all of you leave the house and to your car and you couldn't help but space out. "do you want me to drive? if that's fine with you.." hyunjae offers as you buckle seojun's seat belt. taking out the car key from your pocket, you hand it to him. "sure. why not?"

once all of you were on the road, he clears his throat, a bit nervous. "you don't know how happy i was when you called me today.." you nodded your head, not knowing how to respond. "i don't really know what's going to happen to the both of us from now on and we do still need to figure things out... but i do want you to know that i think it's a great idea you want to be here for seojun. and you know.. about what you said yesterday.. i never stopped loving you either. what you did still hurt and i went through a lot, especially with raising seojun on my own. i hope you understand that it won't be the same anymore. at least not for a while." hyunjae nodded at your words, taking in every sentence seriously. "i know, y/n. i don't expect you to just come running back to me. i know what i did back then, was childish and stupid. but I'm here now, to make it up to you. so take your time and think about things. i'm not gonna be pushing you or anything."

after a while of seojun calling out different colors outside the window, you reached the park. taking out your wallet, hyunjae stops you. "no. i'll pay." you watch as he takes his wallet out as well. "i invited you-"

"y/n. i think i owe you more than three tickets to a water park. please just let me." hyunjae's stare was intimidating enough for you to shove your wallet back in your bag. as he finished paying, you sat down seojun at a bench and got him ready with sunscreen.

"thanks.." you said as hyunjae catches up to you and seojun with the tickets. he nodded his head with a smile. seojun reached for hyunjae's hand, making hyunjae blush. this was hyunjae's and seojun's first memory of them together. it felt weird but you were happy.

"mommy and daddy are finally together. do you love each other?" seojun's question made the two of you look at each other. where did he even learn those words? you chuckled awkwardly. "hmm?"

"mommy always says she loves me. do you love me?" he asks, looking at hyunjae. "of course I love you.."

"and do you love mommy?" you couldn't help but expect an answer even though you'd much rather have a mature conversation between the two of you than your son asking all the questions for you. yeah, you heard the words last night but it felt.. different. "yeah. i do love your mom, seojun." you eyed hyunjae with wide eyes before you cleared your throat.

"what about you, mommy?"

"what about me?"

"do you love daddy?" you chuckled as he looked up to you with sparkly eyes. you changed your view up towards hyunjae and you could see he was doing the same. anticipating your answer.

"yes, baby.. i do.", you saw the way hyunjae's eyes lit up and to your surprise, you felt your heart tingle. it's been a while since it's felt like that. "and we both love you.." you heard a giggle in return before reaching the water slides.

hyunjae was always good with kids. you remember him playing with his younger cousins and their friends at the park. so that's why when he had easily bonded with seojun and the other kids, it was no surprise to you. no later than thirty minutes, he had kids asking seojun to play together and go on the slide with him. you were happy, seeing seojun enjoying the water park.

"mommy! look at me! daddy's carrying me!" you hear and see seojun on hyunjae's shoulders, getting a little worried.

"yeah, that's right.. is it fun?" you asked and waved to seojun. he nodded and wrapped his arms around hyunjae's neck cutely. you smiled at the cute scene in front of you. you walk closer to them to take a photo of seojun but when you see a kid bump into hyunjae, you grab onto him. you didn't want him to lose his balance from it and unconsciously wrapped your arm around him. with an awkward laugh, he carefully placed seojun down. while he runs off to play again, you couldn't get your eyes off hyunjae. you couldn't help it. there was a reason you fell in love with him.

"what?" you looked away, startled from his question. "it's just... can i ask something?", you watch him nod curiously. "why'd you leave that night without actually telling me everything? you know I would have understood. i just feel like you could have explained it to me instead of just leaving me." now that he knows what had been bothering you, hyunjae pulls you into a hug. it's the first time he's touched you since the day you broke up.

"i'm sorry.." he whispered as you placed your hands on his chest. you turned to your side and see seojun. he was still having fun, splashing around with his new friends. you pulled away from hyunjae, realizing you were in public.

"thanks for coming today. really.. i think it means a lot to seojun."

"you know.. you keep saying me all this is good for seojun. what about you? cause if this isn't okay for you, i'm not gonna push it." hyunjae looked at you with worried eyes. he wanted everything to be good with you. he couldn't afford to make another mistake with you. not after seeing you at the carnival and falling in love with you all over again.

"i'm okay with it.. i guess i just need some time to figure things out."

——————————

"mommy.. when can i see daddy again?" seojun's question caught you off guard as you emailed a client.

"would you like to see him again?" he nodded his head so you took out your phone and pressed the facetime button, handing the phone to seojun, causing him to giggle with the phone ringing. you pulled out your computer, glad it was connected to your phone and messaged younghoon about meeting up later today.

you got up from your seat and walked upstairs to see hyunjae smiling on the screen of your phone as seojun's legs swing in happiness. noticing you there, seojun waves his hand.

"mommy.. he said i can come over and play with his friends today.."

"is that so?"

"only if that's okay with you.." you look at hyunjae and smile.

you saw just in time as younghoon responded that he was free so you smile at seojun. "well i'm leaving soon, so i can drop him off on the way." you see the two boys nod in front of you so you chuckle.

"okay okay.. i'll be there in an hour and a half or so. is that fine?"

"yeah. that's fine."

just as you said, you set out an hour later and knocked on the door. "hey y/n. it's nice to see you." eric says, seeing you walk in.

"we've met before, haven't we?", haknyeon says in a teasing tone, instantly walking over towards seojun who was still holding your hand. "can I?" you nod at his pleading eyes before he picks seojun up. he starts to make funny faces, causing seojun to laugh.

"well they will play with seojun while i can get you something to drink? if you're able to stay a bit." changmin offers and you smile, nodding your head.

"that'd be great.." you watch seojun go with hyunjae upstairs before eric takes your hand towards the main room. changmin takes a cup from the cupboard and pours in some tea. "so are you going on a date?"

"i'm sorry?"

"unless you just always dress like that, you have dressed to impress." sunwoo asks you and you smile at the compliment.

"i'm just meeting up with a friend.."

"must be some special friend." juyeon pipes up, lowkey checking you out. "umm. can we not mention any of this to hyunjae? the guy really is just a friend and i don't want him getting the idea that i'm looking to date." they all nod as you sipped your drink awkwardly.

"so uh.. i hope you don't mind me asking but. why don't you date?", you frown at eric"s question. "i know you're busy being a mom but. you know.. hyunjae hasn't been a part of your life for four years now. it's weird to think a pretty girl like you doesn't catch any guys.."

"no, it's alright. umm.. hyunjae did leave but there was always just a part of me that liked the idea of just me and seojun. you'll know once you have a kid but. when you become a parent, you start to view the world differently. it just felt like i didn't need a man to take care of seojun."

"that makes sense.. i guess moms have some kind of power when it comes to their kids." changmin's word made you smile.

"i'm happy for you." sunwoo says, sweetly. all of them knew so much about you. you just assumed hyunjae had talked about you but it felt strangely nice. having someone other than your friends care for you in a fond way.

"it's great that you're independent but i want you to have a proper family one day. someone who makes seojun happy. someone who makes you happy." haknyeon says. you blush, seeing all of them so thoughtful and kind.

"thank you guys.. i mean it.", when you feel your phone chime, you knew you had to go soon. "oh. i guess i have to go but we can talk soon."

when you reach the cafe, you see younghoon with both your orders. you thank him with a small gesture and clear your throat. "so what has been bothering you?" you already knew what younghoon was asking.

"i don't really know how to react to hyunjae appearing like this. i mean. of course i'm happy that seojun gets to meet his dad but you know.. he's been missing out on all his life and you were there when he broke up with me. it's really hard to just ignore how much i suffered back then to let him back in our lives. i want to. for seojun. you know how i've been trying to work out my love life these past few months and now, he just shows up like this. what should i do?" younghoon listened to you carefully and held your hand, sighing.

"i think that.. you need to understand how you feel. no matter the circumstances, i think your feelings matter most. like do you still love him?" you almost choked on your boba, hearing that word.

"i mean. of course i do. maybe not in the same way as before but i still love him. it's not like i can just forget him. well.. it's not how it used to be and-"

"y/n.. this is what you should figure out first. seojun's going to know sooner or later once he grows up and i don't think he wants a mom who can't sort out her own feelings. if you want to start another romance with some other guy, go for that. but if you want to work things out with hyunjae and try to see how everything would lay out, then do that. but you can't just keep using seojun as an excuse for your decisions. he's not some wall you can hide behind." you hated that younghoon was right. he always was. you owed it to him to finally figure this whole situation out. you were always on the receiving end of advice and although to younghoon, you've had plenty of times you'd repay that back but it felt to you that the deserved more than what you could ever offer him as a best friend.

"thanks hoonie.. you really are the best to talk about things. i'll let you know about how it goes. now go get back to work. i know you're on break right now so. i'll see you around." younghoon nodded, pulling you into a hug.

"you deserve the best, y/n.. i mean it." you pat his back, chuckling before you both parted ways. you waited in the cafe, watching others go on with their lives as you think about how hyunjae could stay in your life. you've fallen for him before. you could again.

when the door opens again, you fiddle with your fingers. "how are they?"

"they're having a party up there. go see for yourself." you giggled at the thought of the two boys acting like kids. you knocked on their door to reveal seojun dancing to a song played on the speaker. you watched until he noticed you standing by the door, admiring how cute your son looked.

"mommy!", seojun cheers, as soon as he sees you, and runs over, giving you a big hug. "can daddy stay over tonight?!"

"what?" you were confused as to where he got that idea.

"i want to stay with daddy more." you smiled as hyunjae bent down to his height, holding his shoulders.

"hyunjae.."

"why don't mommy and i talk about it first? you can stay here with eric hyung to keep learning the dance. alright?" he nodded his head, agreeing as the both of you stepped out for a second.

"hyunjae. i want this to work. trust me. i do. more than anything but it's still too much too fast. seojun sleeps with me. i have a guest room but it's not like seojun's gonna let you sleep out on your own-"

"okay first of all.. calm down. i'm only asking for a night. not a lifetime. if you're worried, both of you can stay here. i'll have the other guys sleep here too and we can make a big sleepover. maybe even a movie night.", hyunjae waits for your answer. "come on.. i want to spend time with seojun. i owe it to him. to you.. please.." you felt bad about hyunjae feeling like this so you eventually nodded. you really did want the most for seojun. seeing your approval, hyunjae grinned and opened the door to notify seojun. one thing led to another and you were driving back home to get some clothes and things for you and seojun. hoping you weren't too much of a bother, you decided to cook them dinner.

"woah! this is great, y/n.. i didn't know you could cook too." juyeon said, surprised to see your cooking skills. you blushed at the comment as haknyeon nods in approval as well. "yeah. she's always been good at that." hyunjae's sentence made you blink as all the other boys cleared their throats, feeling like they’re interrupting something.

after cleaning up the kitchen, you walked up to hyunjae's room to set up some of seojun's stuff. on your way out, you bump into sunwoo. "oh hey. you're already finished?"

"it was really good, i wanted to stuff myself with it if i hadn't had such a big lunch today." you chuckled, seeing him exaggerate his body expressions.

"that's good to hear."

as you gather your own belongings, sunwoo speaks. "you know... what you do for seojun. i think it's amazing. i see how it is to be a mother and it's really not easy." your cheeks felt warm from the compliment. "you actually don't know how much that means to me.. thanks."

for the rest of that night, the boys respected your space and let you do your thing.

——————————

"cooking again? i feel like i'm in heaven.." juyeon says at the smell of the kitchen. you were the only one who knew what to feed seojun anyway so you decided to just cook them breakfast. it wasn't like they wanted to be dragged into this mess either and despite knowing you for only a few weeks, they were sweet and kind.

"i gotta cook for a living. i have a kid, you know.." you quickly got the stuff ready and started cooking as haknyeon helped you. or didn't? you swore you had a few more pieces of the meat. but your thoughts were dismissed when you hear a few mumbles from a tired looking hyunjae. his eyes were barely even open before he headed for the coffee machine, which was conveniently next to you. he walks close to you to get the water so you move out of the way, looking up at him. he leans in and gives you a soft kiss on the forehead. "did you sleep alright last night?" he said to you as he leaned his hand onto the top of the stand. you nodded your head, still kind of shocked he had kissed you. "you?"

"i slept great. seojun kept asking me to bring you in too so we can all sleep together but i sang a song to him and it got him to sleep.", you smile, hoping to check in on seojun once you had something to feed the boys. "and uh.. sorry.. about the kiss. old habits.." you chuckle as you continue to cut the vegetables. old habits from years back? you knew he knew what he was doing but you didn't exactly hate it.

when you got juyeon to go wake up the others, in no time, the boys were sitting and getting ready to eat. after you see them start to devour your dish, you giggled to yourself and headed upstairs to check in on seojun. you open the door slowly, hoping not to make much noise.

"mommy?" you hear a small voice say but he doesn't seem fully awake to you. you had to find out the hard way that when he is woken up when he is not ready to, he makes a huge fuss over it. it was actually quite cute to you because it was the same with hyunjae. he was never a morning person. although neither were you. up until you became a mom, you hated waking up early. whenever hyunjae woke up earlier than usual, he liked to just spend the first few hours in bed with you. you lean your head on the frame of the door, admiring your son's features. god, he looked just like hyunjae. you couldn't help but smile. just then, you feel an arm around your shoulder.

"how is he?" you look up to see hyunjae, relieved that he was caring enough to ask. "still sleeping.. i wonder where he got that from." you both chuckle, reminiscing all those memories. you didn't notice his stare on you as you watch seojun's small hands clench the blanket cutely and lips pouting so naturally. it was too adorable. "you're still so beautiful." hyunjae says to you, causing you to blush. you look up at him and lean into him. you feel his arms wrap around you as you slowly watch seojun move around in his sleep. hyunjae was here. he was the love of your life. even on the day he left. and even now, things still haven't changed.

when you hear hyunjae's heartbeat against your ear, something inside you clicked. something you'd felt was missing for all these years. you hesitated a bit before you placed your lips on his. before you could even think of your decision, he had already placed both his hand on your waist and pulled you closer. your noses touch as you softly let go, faces still inches apart.

"i love you.."

"hyunjae..", you were slowly tearing up as you tried to think of the right words. "i don't know what i was thinking. there is nothing to consider. you're the father of my child. of our child. that baby in there is my only treasure right now and you're the one who gave me him. i have watched him grow and i have never once regretted having him. all these years, i've felt so lucky to have a mini version of you that i got to keep on my end," hyunjae listened carefully to your words. his eyes sparkled as he did so, wanting to do nothing but hug you and tell you that none of this was your fault. that what he did was stupid and he only wants you to be happy. "i once loved you so much that i'd do anything for you. and i know i can again. i'm sorry for being so confusing and doing this push and pull game with you. i never should have been so childish about this. seojun would be more than happy to know if you and i got back together.. that is.. if you still want to."

"if i want to? y/n.. there is nothing more that could make me happier," he pulled you into another sudden kiss, softly letting go before wrapping his warm embrace around you. "i will do everything to make you guys happy. it is, from now on, my number one priority.."

"and about your job?"

"still my number one priority. i want to be there for you guys from now on. i know there's a company that goes along with this but i mean it when i say i'm here when you need me to be." his comforting words made you feel safe, knowing he was going to be by your side from now on.

"i know you'll be a good father.."

"you really think so?"

"i know so."

"if that's the case, i'll pay for your rent and everything from now on. in fact, i'm moving in. we can get married and we-"

"woah.. woah. easy there, buddy. don't get too ahead of yourself there. i don't mind the rent part but marrying. it'll take at least a few months." with a sigh, he holds your hand. "okay... as long as i get to still be with you. now get ready to invite everyone to our wedding." he smirked, finding your glare amusing.

"hyunjae!"

"i'm kidding.." hyunjae laughs as you both heard the bed creak. your son was running over, almost bumping his body against yours. you pick him up with a kiss on his cheek.

"did you sleep alright?"

"mhmm.. but next time, i want you and daddy to sleep together." he says, as you let him down onto the floor. you blushed as you already knew that smirk that was plastered onto hyunjae's face.

"this kid knows what he's talking about." he teased you so you smack his chest.

lee hyunjae wasn't some boy you could start hating just because he broke up with you. lee hyunjae was your high school sweetheart. he held good standards at school, at home, and always did the best for you. so no, he was a guy you loved even after a breakup. and you loved him because he left you with the best gift in your life and managed to come back as if nothing had changed.

he was your first love. he was your second love. and he was your last love.