She Told Me That I Was Differentspecialthat I Was The Most Productive Of Usthe Most Insightfulthe Most

She told me that i was different special that i was the most productive of us the most insightful the most self-critical the most guilty different special

Queer I do not care what the person that i love is This individual trait supposedly makes me a part of a community However I do not feel that i belong there They are so proud and fierce This aspect of themselves  Seems to be far greater to them  Than mine is to me They accept this part of me But not who i am We are supposed to have this thing that binds us Yet it does not I still manage to be out of place surrounded by my own I do not have a place among the rest either No one seems to want me In regards to sex and love I have nowhere left to go This loneliness is no pleasure.

in moments of stress and worry all i want is to be with you

i never used to cry. death would come and my eyes would remain dry. i dont quite know what did it. i dont know how you brought it back. how was i, one familiar with droughts, was burdened with plentiful floods? what sin could i have been atoning for? i used to pray for the rain, but now, i cannot help but drown

"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree... One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor... another fig was Constantin and Socrates.... a pack of other lovers... beyond and above these figs were many more... I saw myself sitting... starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet."

Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

I strive to come across as poised But i fear that i never shall