Poet - Tumblr Posts

my heart hurts.

“i feel like i’ve been neglecting you lately,” and do you feel bad? i swear to god, the hardest thing i do is let you live. people grow apart, and thats just how it goes. i love you. i want the best for you. and maybe i’m not what’s best for you. and that’s what hurts. its written all over my face. its in the way i carry myself. its in my voice. my mother knows. she won’t tell me she knows. because i hate to admit that i feel this way.

but i love you. i want the best for you. and maybe i’m not what’s best for you. and that’s what hurts.

you had a pretty bad panic attack on thursday. you ran away on friday. this is how midwest emo songs start, how albums are created for years to come. cmon, “its been three whole years of me thinking about you everyday, sometimes for hours, sometimes in passing.” samples from voicemails. things like that.

its okay.

its going to have to be okay.

i will get through this.

i will have to.

you don’t need god, you need a single general admission ticket to a semi-rowdy crowd. you need the bass pounding in your chest, the push of bodies all around you, dry mouth, shirt stuck to your back with sweat, screaming along with strangers you have never met and will never meet again, that is healing you cannot get anywhere else. you need to take a minute to realize its safe to be yourself, howl along with the crowd. i don’t know how we synchronize up like this.

Q&A: Interview

would we recognize each other if we saw each other? turns out i do, it just took me a few minutes. i just gessoed over a canvas of you. that was enough.

would we recognize each other if we saw each other? turns out i do, but it took me a while. it wasn’t your face that pulled me in, it was your shirt. i have the same one.

i just gessoed over a canvas that put the last shovelful of dirt over your grave. i am now covering it in things that actually matter to me, with exactly one implication of you.

(i don’t want to disrupt the flow, but if i really didn’t care, why am i trying to rub it in? what am i trying to prove? and to who?)

that was a lifetime ago, was it not? the feelings i had at the time were okay to feel,(thisisgrowth) but now i don’t know why i was ever sad. angry. upset. empty. whatever the fuck.

(i have since learned that all emotions have been hidden and obscured)

i shoved you in a therapy shaped hole, diagnosed with bpd, (probably,) at least that’s what they told me in the hospital last march when they found me bleeding out and overdosed on the floor.

i shoved you in a therapy shaped hole, undiagnosed with bpd, because that psychiatrist didn’t know me for more than ten minutes, and she didn’t even write it down.

would we recognize each other if we saw each other? i asked myself that for years. i’ve changed so much, yet you might notice that nothing has changed. at all.

would we recognize each other if we saw each other? i hope my face was only familiar in a distant way, desperately trying to put a name on it. you don’t even know my name.

i had my closure forever ago. but i always wondered. if we’d recognize each other if we saw each other again.

he told me that we’d spend the rest of our lives looking for each other in new lovers, and then he said he was joking. i can think of twenty reasons why this is not the case and about three reasons why it is.

111 and that room brightening smile of yours

one (1)

i was never actively suicidal.

it wasn’t until i was shaking on the floor, (was i drunk?) staring at my wrists realizing that i may have fucked it up this time.

there was never a solid date and time, (why would there be?)

it wasn’t until the blood was dripping on the floor that i texted my friends, in complete fucking crisis, completely fucking incoherent,

“does she still have all your knives?”

“see, here’s the part you’re not going to like.”

i ripped a page out of a hard bound sketchbook. (there were rules?) addressed it to you, don’t totally remember what i said, something along the lines of “i think i might have accidentally ended it tonight, don’t blame yourself, i love you”

i write backwards to obscure what i say, as if my erratic way of jumping from thought to thought wasn’t enough. work for it. i don’t make easy listens. i give you something to analyze. everything has a reason.

or maybe i’m just a shit writer

i remember when i came back to my dorm room. everything was untouched. a half empty jug of milk sitting outside my fridge. the note in front of the door. a pile of blankets on the floor by the window, because i spent a whole week crying. my goldfish swimming in their tank on top of my desk. blood on the floor. i was wearing that bullets long sleeve.

blue jeans.

that’s how you know i’m sad. when i’m wearing colors? some part of me must love myself, because i do everything i can to try and cheer myself up.

want to talk about it?

some other part of me must hate myself, because he says “fuck this,” and i don't remember where i was going with the sentence, which is actually the problem.

endings. i was never too good at those. and yet i keep apologizing for it instead of trying to fix it.

last thursday night, i spent hours researching hrt. i told my best friend. i was 87% sure i wanted to do it. he said, “can i play devil’s advocate?” and i said, “yes,” and he said, “are you sure you want to do it? its a permanent change.”

i laughed.

(i say shit without thinking. i will always say yes to him without thinking. i won’t think about the consequences with him. that’s what happens when this shit is indescribable.)

i get where he’s coming from. but i feel weird, wasn’t it painful to watch me struggle for years to insist i was a girl when i so clearly never quite wore it right? do you really think this is something i’ve decided overnight?

Please dont expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.

Sylvia Plath (via perfectquote)

By the roots of my hair some god got hold of me.

Sylvia Plath, Collected Poems; from ‘The Hanging Man’

I opened her letter

Or what I thought was a letter

I was surprised when all I saw were two words

"I'm sorry"

I look at her mother's letter

The paper says the same two words

I realize none of them say anything different

But if she was sorry

Why did she do it?

She's not sorry

I hate her for it

The scars

The blood

The sharpness of the blade dragging across your skin

The breath of release

The release of all the bad feelings

The pain

If you focus on the pain

You can't focus on the bad thoughts

You don't have to think about the loneliness

or the anger

or the sadness

The emptiness in your chest

You don't have to think about any of it right now

How bad you're getting

How bad you've already gotten

The feeling of pain washes out any other thought

Drowns it out

Before the familiar guilt floods in

The anger

The sadness

The loneliness

The emptiness

Now being replaced with that horrible feeling

Being trapped by long sleeves, bracelets, and, concealer

Please don't make me stop

It helps

That night

That night you walked a few feet away from the others, knowing I would follow you

Knowing when I did we would be entirely alone

Just the two of us

I don't remember what we talked about

All I can remember is the feeling of your lips on mine

You kissed me that night

You kissed me so out of the blue

So out of nowhere

With such a hunger and need like you couldn't stop yourself from doing it

My eyes closed as our lips collided for the first time in months as if no time had passed

It all happened so fast I could feel my eyes widen in surprise when you pulled away

The shock that filled my body when you took the opportunity to kiss me

Not knowing how I'd react

And still doing it anyway

As if you would never get another chance

I could feel the involuntary smile too

The same one that appears everytime I replay that night

I replay it more than I'd ever admit

I can't get it out of my head and I probably blush every damn time

The night you kissed me

The memory repeats itself over and over

My mind went completely blank and I just looked at you

You told me I was blushing

I told you that it was too dark for you to tell if I was

I wonder if you knew I wanted to kiss you

I wonder if you knew I thought about doing it the entire time we were together that night

How badly I wanted to

I was too scared to do it

But you weren't

You let the love you had for me bubble over

And suddenly it didn't matter if it was wrong

Because how could it be wrong

When it felt so right

I love you, you know

I love when you kiss me in public

I love when you show me off and love me loudly

you do not care who sees

You do not care what any of them think

Or what they might say

Your focus is entirely on me

And I love it

I love how you always hold my hand when we are walking

You tell me I'm pretty even when I do not know how to respond

I love that you are so sure about me

I love that we have let each other go and yet we still came back to one another

It means it's real

That you could see how bad I self sabotage my own happiness

And how want me anyway

And chose me anyway

You have picked me over all the other girls you may have liked before

I love it

And I love you

Even if I do not know how to say itI hope you know it deep down

I love you

I love us

Maybe if I was prettier

Or skinnier

Or smarter

Or quieter

If I was enough for him

Maybe he'd love me again

Or maybe he would love me

Did he ever?

His actions make me doubt his words

But still I desperately wish to be enough

Oh you think it’s fun do you? Do you know how much it hurts?

"Tell me Atlas, what is heavier? The world or its peoples hearts?"

Loving people can consume you to the point that all you do is feel and you are crushed with the weight of its existence being contained in your own heart, as it eats you from the inside out.

Where does it go? Where does it go?

How many nights have I cried as the weight of my aching comes crushing down around me. All this love to give, and I share it as best I can.

So why oh why does it turn on me in my moment of weakness and consume me instead?

I think it's fun when characters carry so much love and have nowhere to put it down

Sue Forevermore!

💫SUE GILBERT SUPREMACY!💫

🔥WE STAND A POWERFUL SMART QUEEN!🔥 *Read it! It's a Facts post! Reblog and break the unknowledge about Sue Gilbert!!🙏*

They really haven't fleshed Sue out in some ways that honors the real Sue in some things! She was so smart, strong and cool, and Yeah! that is seen, her inteligence and determination is seen, for luck! But a lot of things aren't not being said and seen: there has been no commentary whatsoever about her being a WRITER and POET, a MATH GENIUS and MATH TEACHER and super smart aside from her "I have brain too." in 3x05, or no commentary about her scripture and how she also wrote, about her publications and literature interests, Susan was a vivacious, intelligent, and cultivated woman, a great reader, a sparkling conversationalist, and a book collector of wide-ranging interests. Late in life she traveled in Europe several times before her death from heart disease on May 12, 1913.

> SHE ALSO WAS A WRITER AND POET! AND SHE PUBLISHED THINGS TOO! SHE ALSO WAS AN EDITOR AND KNOWN AS A MENTOR! Known as the "most graceful woman in Western Massachusetts", Susan Gilbert wrote essays, reviews, journals, poems, letters, and memorials constantly throughout her life and produced commonplace books and scrapbooks of her own publications in The Springfield Republican! And also a Math Genius! And i'm still wondering why all of this is not seeing? That's one of the big questions I still have for the producers and writers! I HOPE THAT IN THE FINAL CAPS OF THE SEASON THEY ALLUDED TO THIS ON THE SHOW! She deserves more screentime, more explanation of her life, she just deserved and still deserving so much more. She also was so strong and a warrior woman so advanced an intelligent for her time! And yas we can see this for sure! Through the seasons we always see a smart, warrior, worker, determined Sue..but all of this information is not being said! And this season Sue is finally absolutely flourish in all of the senses and she is stoling the show! But they must show all of this and must allude to this! Sue Gilbert Supremacy!🔥

FACTS:

SHE WAS A MATH GENIUS!

SUE WAS SO INTELLIGENT THAT SHE WAS SENT TO STUDY WITH THE BOYS AT AMHERST ACADEMY AND ONE OF HER PROFESSORS EVEN BELIEVED SHE SHOULD GO TO YALE TO STUDY MATH!

SHE COMPLETED HER FORMAL EDUCATION AT THE UTICA FEMALE SEMINARY, KNOWN AS MISS KELLY'S, WHICH EMPHASISED TEACHER TRAINING. THERE, FROM 1848 TO 1850, SUE EXCELLED IN MATHEMATICS, SO MUCH SO THAT ONE INSTRUCTOR, A YALE MAN, TOLD HER THAT SHE OUGHT TO GO TO YALE COLLEGE.

SUE WENT TO MARYLAND AND IT WAS ACTUALLY TO TEACH MATHS. So Susan teaches mathematics at Robert Archer's school in Baltimore, Maryland. (1851-1852) WITH THIS SHE ALSO WANTED TO GAIN HER LIFE BY HER OWN. (not only to be a governess as in the show: to be a math teacher!)

SHE BECAME THE EVERGREENS IN ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT CULTURAL CENTRES IN MASSACHUSETS, THANKS TO HER INTELLIGENTNESS AND SPEECHS: SHE TALKED ABOUT FEMINISM, POLITICAL, POETRY, LITERATURE..AND A LOT OF IMPORTANT PEOPLE WENT THERE THROUGH THE YEARS ONLY FOR HER SPEECHS! SHE WAS TRULY AN INFLUENCER IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE! SUCH AN ICON AND INSPIRATION FOR HER TIME! For things like this she was known as the Most graceful woman in Western Massachusetts.

SHE LOVED THE LITERATURE AND READ A LOT. BUT IT'S VERY UNFAIR TO SAY THAT SHE ONLY WAS THE READER OF EMILY DICKINSON BECAUSE DURING ALL OF HER LIFE SHE NEVER CEASED TO WRITE TOO!

SHE WAS A WRITER AND POET.

SHE WROTE IMPORTANT THINGS: THROUGHOUT ALL OF HER LIFE, SUE CONSTANTLY WROTE A LOT OF ESSAYS, POEMS, REVIEWS, CRITICISMS, ARTICLES, DIARIES, LETTERS, MEMORIES AND STORIES (Poems like: "Amor", "Valentines Day", "Of June, and her belongings.", "Fresher than dawn...", "There are three months of the Spring.", "When death with his white fingers."...(etc) Published stories like: "A Hole in Haute Society.", "The Case of the Brannigans", "The Circus Eighty Years Ago."...(etc) Reviews, Essays like: "Draft Essay on architecture.", "Society at Amherst Fifty Years Ago.", "Annals of the Evergreens with "What offering have I, dear Lord", "Review of "Autumn's Divine Beauty Begins", "Draft Essay on Domestic Help.", "A Memory of Dr Elizabeth Blackwell" (first female doctor in the United States)", "Notes toward a Volume of Emily Dickinson's Writings", "Obituary for Emily Dickinson"...(etc)) SHE PUBLISHED MANY THINGS AND EDITED MANY FASCICLES, BOOKS AND ALBUMS BY HERSELF!

SHE ALSO WROTE A LOT OF POEMS AND LETTERS TO EMILY DICKINSON BUT THEY WERE DESTROYED. HARDLY ANY ARE PRESERVED. BUT THEY EXCHANGED A LOT OF THEIR SCRIPTURE. Emily with much admiration, also wrote a lot of poems about Sue's scripture and how she wrote, and about their literature exchange! (Like the one of the spider, the cobweb, and the white arc..also like this one that says a lot: "With the exception of Shakespeare, you have told me of more knowledge than any one living. To say that sincerely is strange praise"..among other poems.)

SHE IS ALSO KNOWN AS AN INTELLIGENT EDITOR AND AS A MENTOR WITH LEVEL!

SUE WAS ALWAYS EMILY'S DICKINSON MENTOR AND PRECEPTOR. Susan, a writer herself, was the most familiar of all the family members with Dickinson’s poetry, having received more than 250 poems from her over the years. At least once she offered constructive criticism and advice, she was her mentor; Emily only changed her poems under the opinion and tips of Sue: Emily only sent her poems drafts to Sue, for this reason: Because SUE WAS HER MUSE BUT ALSO HER MENTOR! (Like "Safe in their alabaster chambers", "I am not suited / dear Emily", "Never mind Emily - to-morrow"...(etc)). THAT'S TRULY ICONIC! Susan’s friendship helped expand the poet’s horizons, and their sharing of books and ideas was a vital component of her intellectual life. So SUE WAS HER AUDIENCE AND MUSE, CONFIDANTE, COLLABORATOR AND CRITIC. HER MENTOR.

SUE GILBERT WAS EMILY'S BEST FRIEND, SISTER IN LAW, LOVER, INSPIRATION, READER, MUSE, MENTOR AND EDITOR.

SUE WAS EMILY'S EDITOR. AND AFTER EMILY'S DEATH SUE EDITED BY HER OWN ALL OF THE EMILY'S POEMS: She bought a printing machine and edited them one by one, doing justice to her poetry.. although a lot of people, including Emily's family: because it must be to said: when Sue was doing her own real edition of Emily's poetry Lavinia didn't let her do it saying that she was doing it too slowly so she take off Sue the manuscripts of Emily's poems and deliver them to Mabel Todd (we all know how she did to Emily's poetry and to the name of Sue Gilbert)..one obstacle more for Sue...but she despite this, kept fighting for bring the real Emily's poetry!.. And in other hand, also Higginson was other obstacle..because he tried to convince Sue to make a different edition about Emily's poetry! And Sue rejected it because the edition that he wanted to do didn't make justice to Emily: 'cause he wanted to erase the context of the poems and make changes on them..so finally Mabel Todd with Higginson made their own edition(erasing Sue of Emily's poetry, erasing the context of her poems and they also changed the metric..) while Sue, despite this, continued fighting for make her own edition, fighting for keep the Emily's legacy safe, showing the real Emily editing the poems by herself one by one..until the last moment of her life(1913), and this mission was so important to her so her daughter Martha continued with it when Sue's died (1914 that edition come to the world), so thanks to this, with Sue's editing, much of Emily's poetry is preserved with her real essence. Yas! SUE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO SPENT THE REST OF HER LIFE TRYING TO COMPILE EMILY'S POEMS IN A WAY THAT SHOWED THE REAL EMILY. THE EMILY THAT SUE KNEW. SUE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO ALWAYS HOLD EMILY, GOT HER AND UNDERSTOOD HER, HER MUSE, HER MENTOR AND KEEPER OF HER LEGACY! SUE FOUGHT FOR EMILY'S POETRY JUSTICE UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE OF HER LIFE! LEGACY KEEPER HERO! *But it wasn't until 1997 with "Open me carefully" when the Emily's poetry was shown with her essence and Sue was finally known as lover and muse in Emily's poetry. Too late, but infinitely glad that it happened, so now Sue can rest absolutely in peace with her mission acomplished and by the side of Emily, in their afterlife marriage!*

So i'm still wondering why all of this is not seeing? That's one of the big questions I still have for the producers and writers! I HOPE THAT IN THE FINAL CAPS OF THE SEASON THEY ALLUDED TO THIS ON THE SHOW! She deserves more screentime, more explanation of her life, she just deserved and still deserving so much more!

💫But once again, Sue Gilbert would be proud of Miss Ella Hunt because she literally gave her name. In every second of screen, in every line, in every moment. And we all are! Thanks Ella you are the best and Sue is a gift! Such an inspiration like you!💫

WE STAND A POWERFUL SMART QUEEN! SUE GILBERT SUPREMACY!💫

MORE FACTS:

> When Sue had to marry Austin, Sue was in deep pain and fear for the wedding and the relationships with Austin.. But Emily and Sue were their own support for each other in that hard time: they were fighting for their relationship even with the marriage in middle: They were fighting with Austin because he knew their relationship, and that marriage was the only way to stay together so they were fighting against Austin for a pact of 3 and for a white marriage! At the end the engagamemt was done but Sue fell very sick for It, she was so scared so the weeding was made 3 years later. She had to be so strong and Brave doing that because she knew that Austin was a bad man but her only opportunity to be with the love of her life was that..so It was the sacrifice. And of course Austin broke the White marriage and the pact of 3 (We know what it means and what it implies) so Sue had 3 baby: Ned, Martha and Gib. But at least with this marriage Emily and Sue managed to be together and live their love.

>She was born on December 19, 1830 and she was the youngest of six children. Her mother died when she was 7 and her father when she was 11, so she became orphan at age of eleven. She went through a lot of loss during her whole life, she saw all her family died, her fathers, brothers, sisters, sons, the love of her life.. but she always carried on.

A remarkable death was on 1883.. she had to see her little baby son die, with only eight years, little Gilbert. (Thomas Gilbert(Gib) Dickinson). This death changed the Sue's life and Emily's life too, it was so hard, both went into seclusion ( from here is known that the health of Emily was downing). And Emily died on 1886, so she had to live 27 years without the love of her life. And on 1898 her other son, Edward(Ned) died too. Sue also saw die Lavinia and Austin. Sue Gilbert died on 1913, 12 May.

>So Sue was such an incredible woman who dealt with so much grief and loss throughout her life and was stuck in an unhappy marriage for decades, she lived for 27 years after the death of Emily the love of her life. So I never seen someone stronger than her. Sue was so incredibly strong and such an inspiring woman who always carried on. ICONIC.

***💌For know their complete history you must read: "Open me Carefully. Emily Dickinson's intimate letters to Susan Huntington. Edited by Ellen Louise Hart and Martha Nell Smith." or "Emily Dickinson Cartas de Amor a Susan. Sabina Editorial."💌***

MORE FACTS and pics supporting them:

Two of Sue's poems that are preserved:

"I'm waiting but she comes not back." A poem Sue wrote after Emily's death. Dedicated to her.

"One asked, When was the grief?" As the burial allusion "laid thee low" suggests, the poem was probably composed after her son Gib dies.

Editor and Mentor Sue:

*We see mentor Sue in season 3 ep 5 with that iconic poem finally! In the moment with 'Safe in their alabaster chambers'. THAT'S TRULY ICONIC!! AND FOR LUCK WE GOT IT! Emily's mentor was always Sue! Emily only sent Sue poems drafts and she only changed her poems under the opinion and tips of Sue! She was her muse but also her mentor! And this poem is a truly real fact about this and the sample of the literary exchange between them! And we finally got it! Yas! Mentor Sue! We won! JUSTICEEE FOR SUE GILBERT!! FOREVER ICONIC!*

Sue's obituary for Emily:

Susan wrote the poet’s remarkable obituary, which appeared in the Springfield Republican on May 18, 1886. *Sue also dressed Emily on her deathbed, making her lie in a white coffin, with orchids and violets (symbol of loyalty) around her neck and two heliotropes (symbol of devotion) in her hand. This last act on Emily's body underlines shows "the deep love they felt for each other", "their shared life, their deep and complex intimacy" and that they both expected a "resurrection after death" of said intimacy.*

The fact that Emily Dickinson died before Sue Gilbert and she not only lost a lover but also a best friend & felt completely alone for 27 years, kept missing Emily is just making me so sad: Sue really spent 27 years without Emily and i would literally sell my soul to read her poems and letters on how she misses Emily and everything they had, it's really unfair. I still crying whenever i remember that ALL of the correspondences Sue has ever sent to Emily was burned as soon as Emily passed away...💔 So Sue was such an incredible woman, she dealt with so much grief and loss throughout her life and was stuck in an unhappy marriage for decades, she lived for 27 years after the death of Emily the love of her life. Sue was so incredibly strong and such an inspiring woman. A truly unsung hero, an inspiration, a Queen! And after all this time I truly know that she is finally happy wherever she is seeing how her legacy is taking place!! And with Emily in their marriage afterlife!Sue Forevermore!

Reference to genius math Sue:

>>>She also was so strong and a warrior woman so advanced an intelligent for her time! And yas we can see this in the show for sure! Through the seasons we always see a smart, warrior, worker, determined Sue..but all of this information is not being said! And Sue truly has the best character development arc! And this season is finally absolutely flourish! Not repressed anymore after all the pain she went through: Sue is finally healed, in peace and all grown as a woman, as a brave strong woman who is ready for risk it all for what she wants and believes and it's not afraid to express it! Finally what she deserves: She is finally embracing herself, being confident, comunicative, open, pure, determined, strong, happy and content with who she is and with who she wants! Fighting for that!..She is not afraid to express herself anymore! Real Sue! Omg please! Such an inspiration! Seeing her like this is what she deserves! Sue's supremacy YAS! And this is actually giving me a sense of peace seeing her happy ahh so satisfying I'll say it officially she's my fav character! It's just making me the happiest one and make me feel butterflies in all of my body and soul! She is stoling the show so Sue is getting what she deserves finally! And she deserves the whole world!💘✨ But despiste all of this she deserves more screentime, more explanation of her life, she just deserved and still deserving so much more because DURING ALL OF HER LIFE SHE NEVER CEASED TO WRITE TOO! SHE WAS ALSO A POET, WRITER, SHE ALSO PUBLISHED, WAS AN EDITOR AND MENTOR AND SHE ALSO WAS A MATH GENIUS! And all of this information can't be hide and must be shown and seen!🔥 I HOPE THAT IN THE FINAL CAPS OF THE SEASON THEY ALLUDED TO THIS ON THE SHOW! It's well deserved! Justice!

But Alena not only honored Emily and her legacy, she honored Sue Gilbert too giving her the praise she deserves not only as Emily's lover but also as inspiration of her poetry and as keeper of Emily's legacy and mentor! THANKS! Poetic Justice!💫

And at least Sue still being the unsung hero of Dickinson’s final season, the real hero! Embracing the mess, Fighting for Emily, for the love! Unapologetically embracing her sexuality, aiding Emily in embracing hers, and questioning + resisting heteronormativity!💥🌈 Thanks Sue & Ella for the positive, empowering rep of queer womxn!💘*

✨SUE GILBERT, SISTER-IN-LAW, BEST FRIEND, THE LOVER, MUSE, MOST KNOWLEDGEABLE CORRESPONDENT, INSPIRATION, THE CORE OF THE POETRY AND LIFE OF EMILY DICKINSON AND HER MENTOR AND EDITOR, THE KEEPER OF HER LEGACY! SUE ALSO WAS A WRITER, POET, KNOWN AS MENTOR OF LEVEL AND AS THE MOST GRACEFUL WOMAN IN WESTERN MASSACHUSETTS...AND ALSO A MATH GENIUS! SUE FOREVERMORE! ✨

Know even more about Sue Gilbert; a Queen, a Hero, Inspirational and Warrior Woman, the strongest! Poet, Writer, Math Genius, Emily's Dickinson Lover, Muse, Mentor and Editor! A ICON! Here:

*💥Reblog and break the unknowledge about Sue Gilbert!💥*

Carpet in the Sand

This is an original poem that I wrote about three years ago, right after I graduated from high school.

Salty air ruffles tents and our clothes Our friends lay in the sand on these late July nights. We chat and smoke and fall in love with the stars All our paths intertwining with one another’s again.

And my mind thinks of you and wishes  that your’s had never separated from mine.

I become drunk on the song of the waves,  imagining your lips muttering “ What a lovely view.”  

A poem I wrote by picking the middle word my phone suggested

Idk why Dumbledore is a man who has been in a relationship for the weekend and I had a lot to talk to you

And you were all the best and the other guy who was the one who had to go out there for 20yrs to get dinner together for the first year

And I wanna be there for you and you can help us with that right here in a minute

Please

Thank yoooo and thank yoooo and hope for a great day to see endgame and the secular nature that is not a great idea

but it doesn't matter how long is there for you and your child and you are a great man threw away a few things you don't want but I have a final question for the next few hours before the game was done

To the play of a connection with a consontr or something that would have made it better to have a final round and the next one was a bit more of the game

I think its ok for me and I had a lot to do something about the team that I was in the game with a team of players who is going through poetry with a concentration camp that has a great reputation

And I had to do something about the world.

Tales from fiction writing class

Something you remember but you’re not sure why

I don’t know why I remember the light brown mushrooms that would sometimes grow by the flagpole. 

Sometimes, in the early hours of the morning, when I would be a safety patrol at my elementary school, it would be my job to raise the flag outside at the front of the building. The pole was surrounded by a circle of concrete that was surrounded by a circle of yellow and purple marigolds. On the side closest to the building, occasionally, there would be a mushroom that would grow there. 

Somedays, I would walk over it and try not to notice it, giving it only a sideways glance. Then, somedays, I would enjoy stepping on it and feeling my shoe softly squish it down into the dirt. I would never touch it with my hands because it could be poisonous and it would get in my mouth and kill me. 

I stomp it down then wait a month for it to regrow then I stomp it back down. Then the school gardener found out about it constantly regrowing and pulled it out by the roots and I was sad.  

For you, J

I don’t know why I’ve allowed myself to think about you so much for so long.

I feel pathetic and stupid and starkery.

I hate what I’m doing to myself 

I hate that I’ve compared so many people to you

I hate that I feel like I annoy you.

I hate that I thought we could maybe be together but it’s dumb.

I hate that I’m so sad but I have no reason to be sad.

I hate that I have created cathedrals in my mind for you, even after I said I’ll stop.

I hated that when I told you I did, you didn’t understand what I meant.

I hate that only time you ever told me you loved me was when I was sitting on your lap in your car at four in the morning and you didn’t mean it. I’ll say it now though.

I love you.

I hate that I didn’t say it back, even if I wouldn’t have been able to really mean it, but at least I would have meant it more than you.

And I hate that I’ve lost my biggest fantasy.

You have someone new but even if it lasts till tomorrow, I know I still shouldn't try to get you back. 

You’ll never read this and I’m glad.

So, my somewhat ex-lover

This is me, signing off. 

I started riding the bus on Saturday nights

I started riding the bus on Saturday nights after you left. 

When the bus driver asked me where I would get off I told him the mall but I had no intention to. I would just ride around in circles, listening to music, and stare out the window at the buildings bathed in the night light. 

I don't know why you affected me so much. I'd like to say it's because I gave you my virginity, but I'd be lying. 

Maybe I just like the bus. Being there in the darkest, sitting in the silence, it’s almost felt like meditating.