Isis:[to The Gods, Who Are Gathered Around A Coffee Maker]So... Who Broke It?[Nobody Says A Word]I'm

Isis: [to the gods, who are gathered around a coffee maker] So... who broke it? [Nobody says a word] I'm not mad. I just want to know.

Nephthys: I did. I broke-

Isis: No, no you didn't. Horus?

Horus: Don't look at me. Look at Set.

Set: What? I didn't break it.

Horus: Huh. That's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Set: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Horus: [leans in on him] Suspicious.

Sekhmet: If it matters - probably not - but Hathor was the last one to use it.

Hathor: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Sekhmet: Oh, really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Hathor: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles; everyone knows that, Sekhmet!

Nephthys: Ok, ok! Let’s not fight! I broke it, let me pay for it, Isis!

Isis: No! Who broke it??!

Set: [looks at Osiris, then at Isis] Isis... Osiris is been awfully quiet.

Osiris: REALLY??

Set: Yeah! Really.

Osiris: Oh, my Ra! 

[everyone starts arguing at one another except Isis]

Isis: [to the camera] I broke it. It burned my hand, so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with war paint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. [turns to look at the gods as they continue to argue, then looks back] Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Ra: What time is it?

Set: I don’t know, pass me my trombone and we’ll find out.

Set: *Plays the trombone loudly and extremely out of tune*

Horus: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE TROMBONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING?!

Set: It’s 2 am.

Set:*pulls back curtain while Horus is showering*

Set: Are we–—stop screaming, it’s me——are we out of lettuce?

Tom Bombadil is two Peredhil in a trenchcoat elured and elurin mystery solved