it's my drama. appreciate my flaws & learn from my mistakes. it's okay to cry your heart out but don't forget that there's always a second chance. be strong but don't forget to be yourself. you can be wild and carefree but don't forget to be serious at times. oh remember to laugh too! life is amazing and unfair at the same time... deal with it even if it's not the reality that you wanted!
300 posts
Minsan Sinasabi Ko Na Lang Sa Sarili Ko Na Strong Akong Tao At Malalampasan Ko Ito. Kaya Lang Minsan
minsan sinasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko na strong akong tao at malalampasan ko ito. kaya lang minsan di na umeepekto eh. ganun ata talaga.
walang taong strong pag dating sa taong pinakakamahal mo lalo na kung siya ang mundo mo and he/she means everything to you.
More Posts from Iamkakasince1991
Day45 of this battle: i'm on the losing end but i will still hold on for a little longer...
I have to. I won't let go kasi alam ko ayaw din na ganito ang mangyari. Lumaban ka pa! Kaya pa natin ito. Sabi ko diba sa sulat na magkikita pa tayo. Antayin mo ako. Konti na lang please. Mahal na mahal kita. God, akala ko po di Nyo papabayaan ang Umpe. Di ba pinagbilin ko sya sa inyo?? Huwag Nyo sya kukunin. Kailangan ko pa sya. Kailangan ko pa paramdam sa knya na mahal na mhal ko sya. Kailangan ko pa sya mapasaya. Huwag nyo nman po ako biruin ng ganito. Palakasin nyo po ang Umpe. Parang awa nyo na pagalingin nyo po sya. Umpe, lakasan mo pa loob mo! Pagaling ka kaagad. Mahal na mahal na mahal kita. Lalaban tayo. Kaya mo yan. Kakayanin ko ito! Lalakasan ko pa loob ko. Magtitiwala pa din ako sayo. Walang sinuman ang magsasabi na i-accept ko na lang ito. Mahirap. Masakit. Di ko kayang gawin yun. Di maari. Di pwede. Hayaan nyo muna ako. I will still hold on to you a little longer because i know you will do the same. You are a fighter. We will get through this. God is only doing this coz he knows how bad i am. He just want to teach me a lesson. I am sorry you have to go through this because of me. But we will get through this battle. We will win this battle. You and i will bw together again after this. Be stronger and i'll do the same. I love you, Umpe! Always and forever.
the phone call after i got the news
as much as i want to be happy i wasn't able to control my emotions during those short minutes of call. my mom told me beforehand not to cry so i kept telling myself not to cry. i prolly had some sobs escape from me, tears kept flowing good thing she can't see them, some sniffing were heard but thank God she didn't ask about it. i was not strong enough to face her, to face this battle but at least i tried my best to get into that front. during that short call, she said she's feeling better. much better than last week. we talked about her health and how she is doing. i can't help myself not to worry coz i am not beside her. i kept telling her to take her meds and things i know will help her. we also talked about the fiesta going on today and she said it is different from before. she said 'hindi na masaya kagaya ng dati' and i replied, ' kasi wala ako jan'. She said 'oo nga'. Oh God i was really gonna cry at that moment buti na lang my mom sat beside me. Sniff lang ako ng sniff. Trying hard to held back those tears. Towards the end of our call, she said she'll tell my cousins to go on skype later so she can see us & vice versa. Idk if i'll be excited to let her see how devastated i am right now. But one thing is for sure, i can't wait to see her smile for me later. Hopefully, walang iiyak mamaya. I love you Umpe and i will always do. Please be healthy! I want to see you smiling & hear you laughing or telling stories. Take care, Umpe ko.
Another challenge in my life...
School. Fck idk what to do anymore! It feels like everything is going against my plan. I will not be able to apply for tge nursing program next week coz i didnt tool the TEAS test... and i am not taking a risk to take it now coz i know i am not prepared at all. FML! Another reason to make my parents sad and disappointed. I am a failure. A worthless human being. I hate my life and how i live my life. It has no meaning. No goal. No purpose. I hate myself! I wishtime will stop so i can think clearly and plan carefully what i should do next...
until when do i have to fake a smile when we all know i can't do it anymore?
FML! i never thought this day will come. it is so depressing and heart breaking. i feel so lonely and so weak. it seems like i spend my time everyday crying and zoning out. whenever i get a chance to laugh, i feel so guilty coz i know she isn't happy today. i try to not make my family worried about me. i try to smile, yes a fake smile, a smile without a meaning... but it is the best that i can offer to them as of now. i try my best to look happy in front of them. i try not to let a single drop of tear fall from my eyes... i guess it is working.
but what about when i am alone? when i am all by myself?
i still try to hold back my tear. i still try not let a muffle of cry escape from me. i try my hardest to be and to act strong even if no one is watching... even if i am all by myself... even if no one can hear me or see me.
right now, i am really scared. i don't want my worse fear to happen at all. i don't want to lose any of my loved ones. i don't want any of them to feel any pain. i don't want any of them to suffer. i am so scared of what tomorrow has to offer to me. if i can stop the time, i would definitely do it.
i can't always put on a fake smile. and tonight, i asked myself until when am i gonna put on this smile? i am on the point right now where i am so confused, so hopeless, so weak and ready to cry my heart out. but i can't. i can't coz i don't have any right to cry, to be weak and to feel relieved.
until when do i have to fake my smile?