You Look Like A Museum To Me

You Look Like a Museum to Me

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Prompts - “You’re extra beautiful when you talk about this. You know you’re good at it, and that knowledge lights you up.”

Notes -  I know absolutely nothing about ancient Egypt so if anything is wrong, just go with it.

Steven fiddled with the ends of his sleeves nervously as he glanced in the mirror, seeing nothing but Marc’s slightly amused eyes looking back at him as he watched him panic over his first date with you. Despite being reassured a dozen times that he had this, that you liked him just as much as he liked you, despite all of Marc’s comforting words he still couldn’t get rid of the pit of nerves in his stomach.

“You’re gonna be fine,” Marc told him again, not even annoyed at the amount of assurance Steven needed today. It was nice watching Steven with you, watching how flustered he got and feeling how happy he was. “You’re taking her to the museum, right, giving her a tour?”

“Yeah,” Steven sighed, nodding as he wiped his slightly sweaty palms against his pants, “Yeah, she wanted a tour of the museum.”

“Then you’re gonna be just fine, you know everything about that stuff, you’ll blow her away.” Marc smiled as Steven laughed nervously before checking his appearance one last time and grabbing his bag, one more deep breath and he turned away from the mirror.

After a quick goodbye to the fish Steven was heading out the door, just about managing to catch the bus and making his way to the museum. Marc was right, if there was one thing he knew it was this, how many times had he dreamed about giving this tour and now he got to give it to you.  

Asking you on a date had been nerve wracking, even after everything that had happened lately somehow asking a pretty woman out on a date felt scarier than any of it. Marc had laughed, not in a mean way, more in a fondly exasperated way and encouraged Steven to ask you out, went back and forth with him all night with different ways to ask you and different dates that were ideal for the first one. 

“I know this stuff, I’ve got this.” Steven muttered to himself as he got off the bus, not even noticing the side glances he received from strangers. Marc did and it showed when Steven glanced in a window to see Marc standing with a fond smile.

“I’m right with you buddy.” Marc said as Steven walked up the steps of the museum and found that the words eased his nerves a bit and he took one final deep breath to steady himself before he walked through the doors. 

He spotted you straight away, of course he did, even with the children darting back and forth, the tourists looking every which way, the school group that stood huddled together, somehow Steven missed all of them but managed to see you. You were focused on one of the figures, reading the small plaque in front of it as Steven stood still in his spot, more than content to watch you for a moment. 

“She really is stunning.” Steven mumbled, whether to himself or to Marc, even he didn’t know. His eyes were still locked on you as Marc rolled his eyes fondly from his place in the reflection of a glass barrier before he took control for half a second in order to get Steven moving. 

Steven stumbled slightly but managed to catch himself, shooting Marc a glare but Marc just smiled and gestured for him to make his way over to you. 

He took a steadying breath, feeling both more nervous and at ease at seeing you before he finally did as Marc advised and forced his feet forward until he was looking over your shoulder and humming as he saw just what you were looking at. 

“Ah,” Steven said from behind you, causing you to jump slightly before you turned around, a smile spreading across your face and eyes lighting up as you met Steven’s gaze, “that there is Set. Bit of a knob actually.”

“Oh really?” You asked, not even attempting to stop the laugh that escaped you, completely unaware of how the sound momentarily stunned Steven before he shook himself and swore he would do whatever he had to to keep hearing you laugh.

“Oh yeah, completely mental really, I mean what other word is there for dismembering your own brother and having a fish eat his-“ here Steven cut himself off, already berating himself over his words but then he saw your smile widen and your whole body turned to him, giving him all your attention, your head tilting as he paused. 

He could see Marc in the reflection behind you, the reassuring smile on his face telling Steven that he hadn’t messed up, he could do this. 

“Probably best to start a story from the beginning though, eh?” He continued, encouraged by your nod, smile having yet to fade and attention still solely on him. “Well, Set used to be a hero, people called upon him for all sorts, a protector in life and death but what really made him a hero was saving Ra, the sun god, meant he had made sure the sun would continue to rise. But by the time of the New Kingdom, Set gets a bit jealous, now I don’t know about you but when I’m jealous I don’t go around murdering people but maybe that’s just me.” 

Steven paused as you laughed again, trying to commit the sound to memory before he continued.

“See Set was jealous of Osiris, jealous of the fact big brother was the ruler of Egypt and he wasn’t. It wasn’t just Set killing his brother that was odd though it was the way he did it, instead of, you know, just murdering him quietly Set throws this party, one of those fancy ones, and he brings this casket out after dinner.” The entire time Steven speaks his gaze is locked on you, watching you nod along with his words, expression shifting from smiles to questioning looks and Steven can see the genuine interest on your face, can see that you’re actually listening to what he has to say, listening to him ramble about something he liked. 

Steven couldn’t remember a time when somebody had just let him speak, let him share his interest with them without interrupting him or making a disparaging comment before brushing him off. He had known you were something special from the moment he had met you, hell actually from the moment his eyes had locked onto you but this, this moment right here, just confirmed to him how amazing you truly were, a one of a kind girl he had somehow been lucky enough to meet.

“A casket?” You asked, Steven chuckling at the face you pulled, eyebrows drawn together, nose scrunched up and lips twisting into a grimace.

“Weird right? Well after he brought out the casket he had each of the guests attempt to climb into it but none of them could fit. When it comes to Osiris’ turn, well guess who fits in the casket? Osiris does and when he does get in, that's when Set comes along and slams the casket shut, poor bugger was trapped in the thing all the while Set threw him in the Nile.”

You were more than content to continue standing in front of the glass protected figure listening to Steven as he told you the story about the god it was based on, happy to watch as his hands gestured around as he spoke, observe how his entire face seemed to light up as he got to teach you something, watch Steven be at his most confident as his knowledge seemed to give him a boost. It wasn’t a drastic change, it was only noticeable if you were paying attention, he still fiddled with the edges of his sleeves, still tugged on the strap of his bag but he seemed lighter, completely in his element as he spoke without fumbling over his words and it was a side that you guessed many people didn’t get to see, whether it was due to Steven not showing it or other people not giving him a chance to.

When Steven finished talking he saw your face soften, it was almost of fond expression with something else he couldn’t quite place and it made him smile sheepishly at you, an apology on the tip of his tongue, almost on instinct, for rambling on. He nearly had the words out when you interrupted him and your words almost made his heart ache with happiness.

“So what happened to the brother, did he just die?” You asked him. 

Steven felt his smile widen, not only had you put up with his rambling but here you were asking questions, wanting him to keep talking. It was such a rare thing that all he could do was smile at you, completely and utterly captivated by you. 

He really hoped he wouldn’t mess this up, he was already so gone for you and it was only your first date. Steven hoped to any god that might be listening that there were many more dates to come.

“Well the casket floats down the Nile for a bit before it washes up on the shore and this tree, the tamarisk tree, sprouted up to protect it. The tree was so beautiful that the King and Queen of Byblos cut it down and had it brought to their court. Osiris had a wife, Isis and she tracked Osiris down and managed to get his corpse back, all the while Set’s in Egypt and ruling as King, not a good one mind you, he switched between storms and droughts because he was the god of not only war and chaos but also storms, the people ended up turning on each other just to survive, told you he was a knob.” Steven said, pausing to let your laugh wash over him as he moved his hands to play with the ends of his sleeves once he realised he had been gesturing wildly between the two of you.

“Sounds like he was a bit more than a knob.” You laughed and Steven couldn’t stop the bright smile that spread across his face. “So what, Set just kills his brother and gets to rule Egypt? And Isis managed to retrieve his corpse?”

“Yeah, she gets his corpse back and hides the two of them again in some swampy marshes of the Nile. Once they were back though Set found out and started tracking them down. Isis knew of some herbs that could bring Osiris back and she asks for help to watch the body. When Isis is out though Set comes along and tricks Nephthys into telling him where Osiris was hidden, after he found him he went about hacking his body to pieces,” Steven paused, watching as you scrunched your face in disgust again, hoping he hadn’t put you off but you were still looking at him expectantly so he carried on, not giving himself another moment to doubt himself, “Once Isis was back she and Nephthys went about collecting all the body parts to put him back together but his, um, well a certain part of him was missing, well actually it was eaten by a fish which, you know, bit gross.”

“It was actually eaten by a fish?” You couldn’t help but laugh as Steven nodded, a bright smile still firmly in place as he chuckled along with you. “So that was it then for Osiris?”

“Well since he was incomplete he couldn’t return to the land of the living and instead became the lord of the underworld and god of the death and I can tell you that Osiris doesn’t mess around when he’s judging where you’ll spend eternity.” Steven told you, his tone filled with an emotion you couldn’t quite put your finger on and his eyes shifted just over your shoulder to look at the statue of Set. 

Steven's eyes shifted to look at the reflection in the glass casing, distracted by Marc’s amused snort that you obviously couldn’t hear, his own smile spreading into a grin as he focused on you again.

“You say that like you have experience.” You laughed and watched him laugh along with you. “So what happens to Set then, he’s the King, right?”

“For a bit, yeah but Osiris actually had a son, Horus, who battled Uncle Set for control of Egypt. The two of them went before the Great Ennead and were given contests to battle against each other. Turns out Set wasn’t very good, actually he was complete rubbish and lost every battle against Horus.” Steven explained and felt his chest warm as you interrupted him but in a way that was so different to how others usually did. 

“So Horus became King then?” You asked, unable to stop yourself. 

In all honesty Ancient Egypt wasn’t something you sought out yourself, you appreciated it and it was interesting but you had never been too eager to seek knowledge out about it yourself. However when Steven was the one talking about it, telling you the stories that matched the figures you were captivated, completely hooked on his every word, and wanted him to tell you everything he knew.

“You’d think wouldn’t you but no, actually, Set reigned for over eighty years because Ra refused to vote that Horus should be the King and because the decision had to be unanimous Set was free to be King.” Steven told you, physically feeling himself fall for you more and more as the seconds passed as you frowned, mirroring his expression when he had first read the information from one of his many books.

It wasn’t until he looked behind you that he saw a group of school children making their way from one of the figures over to the one the two of you had been blocking for a while now. You looked questioningly over at him before following his gaze, eyes widening as the teacher gave the two of you an annoyed look causing you to bite your lip and look over at Steven, a grin breaking out across both your faces as he took your arm in his and pulled you along, the two of you laughing as you leaned into each other.

Making your way further into the museum, laughs fading off as conversation filled its place Steven found himself glancing down, your arms still tangled together despite the fact that they didn’t need to be. Steven was thankful you hadn’t let go of him, he was more than happy to stay attached to you the whole way around the museum.

“Steven?” You prompted softly when the man had remained silent at your question, his gaze on you but clearly having missed you speaking.

“Sorry love,” he apologised softly and you couldn’t ignore how your stomach seemed to fill with butterflies at the word love. It sounded beautiful coming from Steven, sounded genuine and not meant an attempt to flirt that would ultimately leave you uncomfortably trying to get away from somebody. 

You really wanted him to call you love again. 

The two of you made your way around the museum, Steven rambling on happily about each of the different things that were on display but he found himself stumbling over his words at some points, your entire attention focused only on him, expression so open and he could happily stare at you all day. When he watched you mouthing along as you read from the plaques attached to the displays or when your eyebrows knitted together when you didn’t quite understand something and you would turn to look up at him questioningly, it was only with Marc’s helpful calling of his name and quick repeating of the question that he was able to stammer out an answer, memorising the way your face light up as you listened to him.

He had never made somebody smile like that, like the way you were smiling, he had never had that kind of smile directed at him and he most certainly had never been the reason somebody’s whole face seemed to light up or made somebody laugh in the way he made you, a genuine laugh that made his stomach flutter and took his breath away.

Even as he was surrounded by some of the most beautiful pieces and ancient displays that would usually occupy his attention for hours, they all seemed dull when compared to you standing next to them. Steven found he would much rather look at you, learn everything there was to know about you, than anything that was in this building.

You were as equally as distracted as Steven was, completely captivated by everything about the man, by the way he spoke, even when he did stammer over his words as he was pulled from his thoughts, how his arm felt still tangled with yours, how his eyes seemed to light up every time he looked at you. You had never felt so much for one person so fast, never realised how quickly you could fall for somebody and yet here stood Steven Grant seemingly on a mission to see how fast he could make you fall for him. 

The date lasted hours and yet it still didn’t feel long enough when the two of you stood just past the museum steps, reluctant to pull away from each other but having no other choice as you were getting ready to say goodbye, heading home in opposite directions.

“Thank you for today, I had a bloody brilliant time.” Steven told you, a smile on his face as you laughed softly, nodding in agreement with his words.

“So did I,” You said honestly, “I hope we can do it again?” 

“Yeah, yeah I’d love to, absolutely.” Steven’s smile spread into a grin and you couldn’t stop yourself from mirroring the expression, face almost aching from how much the man made you smile.

“Good, I can’t wait.” As you spoke you looked up, feeling rain begin to fall from the grey clouds above and looked at Steven. “We should probably get home before it really starts.”

“Good idea,” he laughed, seeming to hesitate for a moment before he nodded and stepped closer to you, giving you time to pull away. When you stayed as you were Steven smiled before leaning forward but instead of going for the kiss like you thought he would, he instead placed the softest kiss to your cheek before pulling away with a shy smile. “Let me know you got home safe, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you agreed quietly, somehow the soft kiss to the cheek flustered you more than you thought a normal kiss would but thankfully Steven seemed as flustered as you. “I’ll see you soon.”

“God, I hope so.” You heard Steven mumble to himself after you had turned away and taken a few steps away from him, a soft laugh leaving you, fully agreeing with the sentiment and making your way home with a smile on your face even as the rain fell down on you, completely ready for your next date with Steven Grant. 

___________

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Prompts - Seems like there's always someone who disapproves, they'll judge it like they know about me and you

It was no secret, no matter how much it had started as one, that you and Obi-Wan shared a bond deeper than friendship, a bond that seemed to run soul deep, unable to be broken by the Force itself. It was a bond that had been forming for many years now, somehow still growing bigger and more stable as time went on. You’d felt drawn to Obi-Wan, the Padawan a few years older than you who hadn’t hesitated to take you under his wing as you arrived at the Temple, the Padawan who you spent each day with. 

Master Qui-Gon had watched his Padawan carefully, the man was far more lenient with the way of the Jedi, with the code they should follow. He was content to sit back, to watch as his Padawan grew up and began to navigate his feelings for the younger Padawan he had befriended years ago. He knew the Council didn’t like it, he saw the weary looks that were shot your way as you and Obi-Wan were more than happy to sit alone together, blocking out the rest of the room, the rest of the world, to focus on each other.

Master Windu had warned him more times than he could count that he should put an end to this friendship, that nothing good would come from whatever it would grow into, Qui-Gon had quietly disagreed as he looked to his young Padawan, he thought the bond that was forming would only mean great things. Master Yoda had also pulled him aside to speak of attachments and what that would lead to and again Qui-Gon let him talk but ultimately did nothing to stop the two of you from being friends.

He had always known the two of you would be more than friends, it was rare for Jedi to create the kind of bond the two of you had, to be able to speak freely between your minds, to feel each other’s emotions as if they were your own and yet when Obi-Wan had confided in him that such a bond existed, fear clear on his face that Qui-Gon would march the two of you to the Council and order the bond to be broken, Qui-Gon wasn’t surprised. He wasn’t surprised that the two of you were so deeply entwined with each other, he had been shocked to learn just how developed the bond was but not shocked by its existence. 

You and Obi-Wan weren’t foolish, you weren’t oblivious to the stares and the whispers that were sent your way, you just didn’t care enough to put a stop to them, why should you? It wasn’t forbidden to be friends and you and Obi-Wan had grown up side by side, hardly ever without the other. 

Whilst Master Qui-Gon was supportive, encouraging whatever was happening between Obi-Wan and yourself, your own Master had tried for many years to put a stop to it. It hadn’t worked, of course, his attempts only managed to put a strain on your relationship with your Master until you found yourself training alongside Master Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, much more content to learn at Obi-Wan’s side.

For years you had remained oblivious to your feelings, content to just have Obi-Wan at your side and bask in the friendship he offered to you. It was only as you grew older that you realised just how deeply you liked him, realised that the bond the two of you shared was a gift from the Force and not something just anybody could do. Even when you didn’t know just how deeply you felt for Obi-Wan you knew you had formed an attachment to him years ago, you knew that attachment had formed the day he smiled at you and offered to show you around. You knew the attachment was strong, knew that if something ever happened to Obi-Wan you would turn the galaxy upside down for him without hesitation.

Obi-Wan knew he felt the same for you. After countless nights of staring up at the ceiling, confused and scared that he was a terrible Jedi but not wanting to give you up he had finally sat down with his own Master, thankful that the man was much more relaxed about the Code and encouraged him to see where the Force would lead you and him. It was a conversation he needed, one that he could meditate on after being assured that not all attachments were bad, after Qui-Gon had asked him if he felt like his relationship to you would lead Obi-Wan down a dark path. Obi-Wan knew that if anything happened to you he would be devastated, he would be heartbroken, his whole world would become empty but he didn’t think it was bad, he didn’t think it was a dark attachment, he didn’t feel possessive over you, he only felt fondness, he felt happy and light, he felt love and loved in return.

Obi-Wan liked to think he was a good Jedi, he liked to think he followed the rules and would make a good Knight one day and yet he saw the disapproving stares of the Masters as the two of you wandered the halls together, he felt their weariness through the Force and doubted himself. It never lasted long though, only until he saw you again and you made the risk of not being a perfect Jedi worth it.

Years passed and you and Obi-Wan continued to grow closer. The two of you were practically one with each other, if you were looking for Y/N, all you had to do was find the Kenobi boy and vice-versa, people hardly spoke only one of your names, instead they said Y/N and Obi-Wan because that’s how it was, it was always the two of you. 

The Jedi Council had spent years frowning and disapproving but had never outright said anything to either you or Obi-Wan, they had spoken to your Master’s about their thoughts but nothing beyond that. It was something that was monitored carefully as if they were waiting for one of you to slip and turn to the Dark Side. You silently thought it was stupid of them to be so mistrustful of the two of you, whilst between you and Obi-Wan you were the more reckless and far more lenient with the rules, neither of you had shown any signs from straying from the Light Side, Force forbid you love the boy you had spent all your days with though.

The day you and Obi-Wan finally stopped dancing around your feelings and spoke about them was rather anti-climactic. With how built up the whole situation was, with how much disapproval was surrounding the bond you shared it felt like when Obi-Wan had cupped your cheek in his hand and pulled you in for a soft and slow kiss that something ground shaking should have happened, something beyond the fireworks and butterflies you felt. It felt like you were supposed to pull back and see a Sith eyes staring back at you or were meant to feel angry and murderous, instead you felt happier than ever pulling back and sharing a wide smile with Obi-Wan being pulling him back to you.

You had agreed quickly though that it stayed between the two of you, best not to give the Council a reason to act on their feelings. Keeping it a secret was easy enough as nothing seemed to change between you two, only that now you could actually kiss him whenever you wanted to. Your chambers were much too dangerous however, what with your Master still hating your connection with Obi-Wan, at least with Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon was more than used to seeing you in their quarters, though the first time he had walked in on the two of you making out of the sofa had left you and Obi-Wan blushing madly and refusing to so much as look at the Jedi Master for days after much to his amusement. 

As time passed you and Obi-Wan only became closer and you couldn’t understand just why the Jedi forbid attachments but kept silent on the matter. In all the years you’d known Obi-Wan nothing seemed bad about your connection and yet all it took was one day to show you exactly why the Jedi Order didn’t allow relationships like the one you shared with Obi-Wan.

It was how you found yourself in the turbolift surrounded by other Jedi who shot you looks but ultimately remained silent. The silence was so loud, you knew they all knew what had happened, knew you had been called to the Council room and their silence made you want to get out at the next stop and take the stairs just to be away from them. You wished Obi-Wan was with you, wished he was there to take your hand in his and whisper through your bond that everything would be alright even if it wouldn’t. He wasn’t there though, instead you were stuck in the turbolift giving you time to the strangers who glared and stared at you.

When the door finally opened you didn’t rush from the turbolift, instead you walked at your normal pace, forcing one foot in front of the other and held your head high as you made your way to the Council room. Though you looked calm inside you were terrified, surely they wouldn’t force you to leave but when it came to attachments the Jedi weren’t known to brush it off, it was a wonder you and Obi-Wan had been allowed so much leeway this long. You were sure you mostly had Master Qui-Gon to thank for that, knowing the man had been taking the brunt of complaints for years and yet had never once discouraged yours and Obi-Wan’s relationship.

You were really glad the man was in the meeting today.

It didn’t take too long before you were stood before the Jedi Council, cold looks sent your way but the Master’s shields were so secure you couldn’t feel their emotions, couldn’t determine just how bad this was going to be for you. You stood in silence, waiting for one of them to speak first, waited for them to express their disapproval, to judge every aspect of your relationship with Obi-Wan like they were privy to the ins and outs of it.

“Reckless, young Padawan, you have been.” Master Yoda spoke finally and even as every part of you wanted to shrink against the words, wanted to curl in on yourself, you refused and instead stood straight, pushing your shoulders back and swallowed around the lump in your throat.

“Many lives, you jeopardised. The mission, all for Padawan Kenobi, you risked.” You knew he was right, you couldn’t argue with his words but you stuck by your actions.

What should have been a simple mission with Obi-Wan aiding Master Qui-Gon on a diplomatic trip ended with Obi-Wan and the Senator being capture for days on end with the Council doing little to help, having no ransom demands, no threats, or taunts to go on and no trail to follow.

You had gone to them and told them you could help but they had brushed you aside. You knew if Qui-Gon had been there he would have allowed you to speak but he was still on the planet Obi-Wan had been taken from. 

You could feel nothing but pain coming from the bond between you and Obi-Wan, feeling it as if it were your own. You tried to call to him but he never answered and you couldn’t blame him, not when you could feel the pain and torture he was feeling. You tried to send as much positivity, positivity you didn’t even feel, through the bond, not even sure if he could feel it through the pain but you needed him to know he would be ok, that you were going to get him one way or another.

Stealing a ship wasn’t your finest moment but you could feel Obi-Wan slipping away as each day went by, all the while the Council sat in their meeting room, trying to find out where Obi-Wan was. You had never had to locate Obi-Wan using your bond, there had never been a need for it when you spent every day together, give or take mission days, but you knew you could do it, you knew you could find him.

And you had found him, he wasn’t the only one who had been taken, there were many citizens in the holding place. You hardly spared them a second glance, focus only on finding Obi-Wan so much so that you didn’t hear the person sneaking up behind you, only barely avoiding the blaster shot and watching as it hit a Twi’lek, her body slumping over but you didn’t have time to dwell on it as you pulled your lightsaber out and deflected more blaster shots, not even looking at the bodies around you.

Eventually you were surrounded on all sides and were giving as good as you got, only pausing when you felt your bond with Obi-Wan fill with a pain that almost sent you to your knees before the bond stuttered. Panic surged through you and it hadn’t taken you long to deal with the people shooting at you, leaving their bodies behind as you let the Force guide your way to Obi-Wan.

You froze in the doorway, only able to stare at his body trapped in a containment field, he was being forced upright but his body still sagged in pain, blood pouring from his lip and he looked a mess. Before you could even think about walking towards him a blaster shot ran past your head forcing you to look away from Obi-Wan and begin fighting with the only person in the room with him, as well as the two droids either side of him.

This was the first time you had ever been in a situation like this, one where you had to fight without a Master overseeing your actions but you didn’t have time to dwell on it, didn’t have time to think about anything other than getting Obi-Wan from the containment field and as far away from this place as possible. With only that thought in your head it was surprisingly easy to deal with the human and droids until only you and Obi-Wan remained in the room.

Getting him from the containment field had been easy enough with some help from the Force, carrying this weight over your shoulder was less easy but you managed, walking right past all the other people who had been taken, knowing that somewhere among the people was the Senator that Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon had been tasked with protecting but your only goal was getting Obi-Wan to safety.

And now Obi-Wan was tucked up in a bed at the far side of the healing chambers and you were stood before the Council ready to accept whatever punishment was decided for you, knowing full well you didn’t regret your decision and would make the same choices again in a heartbeat.

“Anything to say, have you?” Master Yoda asked and you wondered whether you should defend your actions or just accept the punishment and get back to Obi-Wan. 

You found your gaze seeking out Master Qui-Gon, his eyes already locked on you, giving you an encouraging nod to do whatever you thought was best and as much as you wanted to be at Obi-Wan’s side you also wanted to speak.

You knew anything you had to say would not settle the Council, in fact you were aware that your words would do quite the opposite and cause them to question your loyalties, to see just how far the bond between you and Obi-Wan, how it went much deeper than they thought.

Even before you realised your feelings for Obi-Wan you had never understood why Jedi couldn’t fall in love, why attachments were such a bad thing. After realising you were in love with your best friend you hated the rule even more, hated that your own feelings had to be squashed to nothing to serve the greater good, that all you were supposed to have was your duty. 

“I won’t apologise for my actions, Masters.” You began, watching as a smile spread across Qui-Gon’s face. “My goal was to save Obi-Wan, to save the man who I knew was barely holding on, a man who went through pain for days as you sat in this very room doing nothing productive to find him. I came to you all and offered my assistance, told you I could find Obi-Wan and yet I was dismissed whilst he was hurting. Had I been listened to I could have led you to Obi-Wan and with more aid you could have gotten the Senator and the others but I am only one person and I was only there for Obi-Wan.”

The room was silent, nobody willing to admit that you had a point, you had come to them but they had dismissed your plea to help as a way of inserting yourself into the rescue mission to see what was happening. 

However, they could also see the attachment clearly, see how you only focused on Obi-Wan when any other Jedi would have focused on the citizens taken. Qui-Gon was the only Master smiling, the rest sat with frowns and far away looks as you stood tall, waiting to see which Master would break the silence first.

“There is a reason attachments are forbidden, young Padawan, it is an easy fall to the Dark Side from there.” Master Windu said and you just about refrained from rolling your eyes but you needn’t have bothered suppressing it as Master Windu clearly picked up on it. “Surely even you can see that, blinded as you are by your attachment to the Kenobi boy. What would have happened if he was already dead? You may have killed them to save the boy but what would you have done to get revenge.”

“I am not going to go Dark Side, Master Windu, just because I care for Obi-Wan. You can speculate and call upon what if’s all you like but I won’t fall.” You said, voice calm and steady, not daring to show any of the  anger you felt, knowing it would only fuel their doubts about your loyalty. 

You hated how the Jedi only seemed to see things in black and white, how they couldn’t see the middle ground. Love didn’t always have to be a thing to be feared, a thing that would turn a good Jedi to the Dark Side, how the smallest attachment would be catastrophic. 

“Promise that, you cannot. Easy to fall should anything happen to Padawan Kenobi, it will be.” Master Yoda said and you knew there was no arguing with them, knew they had already made their mind up over the situation.

“What is my punishment, Masters?” You sighed softly, just waiting to be with Obi-Wan now. 

You glanced over at Qui-Gon as you heard a soft chuckle, watching as the others glared at him but he didn’t pay them any mind, instead focusing his attention on you and sending you a warm smile.  

“Your punishment, young Padawan, is no more missions until we decide you pose no risk of falling to the Dark Side, you will be in Archive security. When we deem you fit to return to duty and will not be paired alongside Padawan Kenobi.” You barely suppressed the outraged exclamation at not being paired with Obi-Wan anymore, especially when everyone knew the two of you worked together perfectly, completely in sync like you were the same person, always knowing the others move without having to exchange words but you choked it down, refusing to show them how much it affected you.

“Master Windu-” Qui-Gon began but was cut off by the man before he could speak further.

“The decision is final and Padawan Y/L/N should be glad that is all the punishment is.” Master Windu said and you knew to him he thought he was right but to you, taking you away from Obi-Wan was the worst punishment he could give.

“Do you really think it wise to separate them? Not even you can deny how well they work together.” Master Qui-Gon said and you felt a warmth run through you at Obi-Wan’s Master, at the Master who had practically taken you on as his own with no complaints, the man who had encouraged and approved of your ever growing relationship with Obi-Wan.

“The decision is final.” Master Windu said, his voice cold and stern, telling you there was no room for discussion. “Oh, Padawan Y/L/N, one more condition of your punishment before you leave.”

“Yes, Master Windu?” You tried to take a calming breath, tried to push all your emotions into the Force but found it didn’t help.

“You are to end your relationship with Padawan Kenobi immediately.” As the words left Master Windu’s mouth you felt your eyes fill with tears, a laugh of disbelief escaping you as you shook your head. “That is non-negotiable, Padawan Y/L/N.”

You shook your head again, never really having stopped, refusing to even entertain the idea. Instead of saving anything, instead of waiting to be dismissed you turned around and walked out of the room, ignoring the annoyed call of your name telling you this meeting wasn’t over. It was, it was well and truly over because if they thought they could ask that of you, demanded that of you, and you would stick around they weren’t as smart as people gave them credit for. 

You stormed through the hallways, glared as people stared at you in the turbolift. Ignoring the whispers that followed you down to the medical quarters you quickly made your way to Obi-Wan’s bed, drawing the privacy screens to finally block everyone out. 

You wished some days you could just leave, you knew Obi-Wan would follow you. The two of you could just run off together, hide away on a far off planet, a little house just for the two of you. It was a great dream but you knew deep down that wasn’t the path for either of you. You had always known Obi-Wan was destined for something more, something amazing and you could feel you were meant to be at his side, helping him when he needed guidance. 

Your anger could be felt so strongly, you had always known that once you and Obi-Wan got together that the stakes would be high, there was so much on the line and it was always going to be risky but it had finally come to a head, the Council finally deciding that your relationship was dangerous. 

You couldn’t help but scoff at the thought, how anyone could associate Obi-Wan and being dangerous together was beyond you.

“If I didn’t know better I’d say you weren’t glad to see me alive.” Obi-Wan’s voice broke through your thoughts, instantly cutting through the anger you felt.

Your head lifted to his, eyes still watery and a few tears had made their way down your face causing Obi-Wan’s concerned look to deepen. 

“What happened, dear?” He asked softly, sitting up in bed and only feeling a twinge of pain after being in the bacta tank for so long.

You could only shake your head, seemingly unable to produce any words as more tears filled your eyes. 

“Come here.” Obi-Wan murmured, shifting over in his bed and pulling the thin covers back for you to climb in next to him.

It was exactly what you needed, crawling into the small bed with him, cuddling into him until an outsider wouldn’t be able to tell where you ended and Obi-Wan started. Obi-Wan didn’t rush you to talk even despite his worry, he just wrapped you in his arms and let you cry into his chest. Whispering soft, comforting words whilst his hand slipped into yours, entwining them together, the hand tough from years of wielding a lightsaber but seemed like it had been made perfectly for you to hold, feeling like your hands belonged together.

“Why do they get to speculate if our relationship is wrong, Obi?” You whispered into his chest after some time had passed.

Obi-Wan couldn’t help but frown at your words but before he could say anything you were speaking again.

“They don’t know anything about me and you, they don’t know that I could never fall to the Dark Side because when I’m around you I feel lighter than ever.  I feel my happiest and yet they want to take that away from us, they get to decide the verdict, decide how our lives should be lived.” You ranted, finally able to speak freely knowing Obi-Wan wouldn’t share your words with anyone. 

“What happened?” Obi-Wan asked again when it was clear you weren’t going to say anything else.

“I was called before the Council,” you said, shifting to look up at him just in time for him to see you roll your eyes causing him to smile, “they wanted to discuss my punishment.”

“Your punishment? You saved my life, how could they punish that?” Obi-Wan asked in confusion, leaning into your touch as you brushed a piece of hair back from his forehead before letting your hand trail down to cup his cheek, thumb brushing across his cheekbone.

“I rescued you without their permission, even though when I tried to go to them nobody listened. When I rescued you, Obi-Wan I could feel you dying through our bond, I could feel the pain they inflicted on you and the life draining from you and I acted on instinct. I killed the people who took you hostage and other hostages died because of it and when I got you I left them and the Senator there.” You told him and he could see on your face you didn’t regret it. 

“Thank you for saving me.” He murmured, leaning down and pressing his lips to yours softly, feeling you relax further into him as you kissed him back, pulling him impossibly closer before the two of you pulled away, foreheads resting against each other. “What did the council say?” He whispered, no need to be any louder from this distance.

“That we can’t work missions together anymore,” Obi-Wan’s eyes widened at that, not completely shocked but it was no secret the two of you were an incredible duo, the bond between you only strengthening your success. “I’m not to be on missions until they give me permission and we have to break up.”

Obi-Wan could only stare at you, your eyes filling with tears again as you scrunched them shut in an effort to stop them falling. Obi-Wan shifted and pulled you into his arms, tucking you under his chin and feeling you bury your face against him. 

For a while the two of you stayed silent, content to be in each other’s arms as you let the words hang in the air. Your stomach felt sick as you waited to hear what Obi-Wan had to say, he had always been more concerned at following the rules, at being a good Jedi compared to you.

“I love you, Y/N,” Obi-Wan murmured and the smile that spread across your face couldn’t be stopped, “I love everything about you and no snide remarks from the other Padawan’s or verdicts from the Council is ever going to change that. We knew this wouldn’t be easy, hoped that they wouldn’t find out but knew they would eventually and they might think they hold power over us but they can’t take what’s ours, they can’t take our love away from us. You know you just have to say the words, I’d leave this Temple with you in an instant, I’d follow you to the end of the galaxy and all you have to do is ask.”

“You’re meant to be here, Obi-Wan,” You said, pulling back again to smile up at him with watery eyes and he couldn’t help but smile back. “And I’m meant to be by your side. It’s not going to be easy but you belong here. We’ll make it work, I don’t care how hard it gets so long as you’re mine and we have each other. I love you, Obi-Wan.” 

“You have too much faith in me, dear one.” Obi-Wan told you, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “I will be yours until you no longer wish to have me, no matter what the Council demands.”

“Then you’ll be mine forever.” You grinned up at him and he mirrored the expression before leaning down to kiss you again, this time more wildly, with a hunger that only your lips could ease. 

“Forever it is, my beloved.” He murmured against your lips before leaning back in to kiss you, fingers tangling in your hair as you gripped his shirt, only pulling away when it became necessary to breathe.

It was easy to forget about the Council member’s decisions, easy to forget about the looks you received walking through the Temple, easy to forget that there was a whole world beyond the privacy screens as Obi-Wan pulled you into his chest. The two of you comfortably tangled around each other as you closed your eyes, the earlier blood boiling anger you’d felt completely gone after being with Obi-Wan and it was easy to drift off in his arms. 

Neither of you were naive enough to think it’d be easy to hide your relationship from the Council now, knew that the next few weeks, months, even years would be long and difficult but like you had said so long as you had each other the two of you could get through anything. So long as you had each other, loved each other with every fibre of your being then not even the Council could take that away from you. 

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Answer Honestly

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Prompts -  “Ever heard of the 36 Questions that lead to love?”

From the moment you’d been called into your bosses’ office in the States and told you were relocating to Columbia to assist the DEA in capturing Pablo Escobar every day was hectic. There was always something happening, a new lead, a new dead end, a new body, a new bombing. Between proving that you could work just as well as the men on the team and the constant disappointment of always being a step behind Escobar you were exhausted and were glad for the short period when Escobar disappeared.

The silence from Escobar felt like a victory in itself. From what you understood the man had very few supporters left, even the people of Colombia seemed to turn away from him as the days went by. Just because Escobar was hiding away and trying to plan his next move didn’t mean the DEA didn’t have work to do, a steady number of anonymous calls still poured in but the workload had definitely eased up for the first time since you’d joined the hunt for Escobar. 

Which left more room for you to sit at your desk which Steve had shoved into the room to rest against both his and Javier’s. 

The bickering and arguing had always been a constant sound whenever you and Javier where in the same room as each other but since Escobar wasn’t active the sound became a more regular occurrence that lasted until the end of your shifts as you didn’t leave the building as much as you did when you were following leads.

The arguments with Javier always began over nothing, there was never any real heat behind the words you threw at each other. Sure the two of you had rubbed each other the wrong way since you’d arrived in Colombia but at the end of the day, despite the glares and angry words, you had each other’s back. 

Plus fighting with Javier was so enjoyable, you couldn’t help but provoke him and push him into fighting with you, watching as his fist clenched and he took a step closer to you…you might not like the man but even you couldn’t deny he was attractive.

“Where’s Steve?” You asked as Javier sat down in his seat, leaning back and rolling his eyes at you.

“Good morning to you too,” he grumbled, hands coming up to rest on his chest, “he’s following a lead.”

The words caused you to perk up. It wasn’t like you weren’t glad for Escobar’s silence but you really weren’t cut out for sitting at your desk all day, you were meant to be out there taking out the bad guys.

“Don’t get too excited, we already know it’s not leading anywhere.” And just as quickly as you’d sat up you were slouching in your seat again, a huff leaving you as you pulled a magazine close to you and flicked it onto a random page.

Javier had yet to take his eyes off you and watched the exact moment your face shifted from boredom to a look that usually meant Javier was about to be annoyed. He barely suppressed a sigh as you grinned over at him, sitting a little straighter in your chair.

“Hey Javi, would you like to be famous?” You asked him, causing him to look at you questioningly.

“What?” He asked when it became clear you weren’t going to say anything else. 

“Just answer the question,” You told him, laying the magazine on the desk as you leaned your elbows against it, turning your body towards him, “Do you want to be famous?”

“No.” He finally gave in, causing your grin to widen.

“Really?” You asked and watched as Javier rolled his eyes again. “I think it’d be kinda fun, no?”

“Why are you asking me if I want to be famous?” He asked but you ignored him and looked back to the magazine. 

“Ok, here’s a good one, tell me something you like about me.” You said, eyes shifting to lock with his and smiling as you saw his face, looking at you with his usual level of annoyance. 

“You’re gonna be waiting a long time for that answer.” Javier said, causing you to roll your eyes at him. 

“Come on,” you said, a slight whine in your tone, “just answer the questions. I’m bored and wanna see if it works.”

“See if what works?” Javier asked again, hands moving to grab the magazine but you pulled it back just before he could.

“Ever heard of the 36 questions that lead to love?” You asked him, grinning at the unimpressed look you received as an answer. “It’s meant to make two strangers fall in love with each other, I wanna see if it’ll work on us.”

“You want to fall in love with me?” Javier said with a smirk, tone immediately more flirty than it ever was when talking to you and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Obviously not, I want you to fall madly in love with me so that I can break your heart,” You told him, watching as he nodded along unbelievingly but you ignored him and continued, “Now, tell me something you like about me.”

There was a long pause, the silence stretching out as Javier looked at you, as if he were actually considering his answer. You didn’t look away from his stare, just raised an eyebrow at him and waited to see if he was capable of giving you a genuine answer…of saying something nice about you.

“I like your determination.” He finally told you, voice steady even if he didn’t look entirely comfortable at his own honesty and when you eyebrows knitted together he expanded on his answer without meaning to. “Your very first day, you walked through those doors and made it clear you weren’t just a pretty face for the office, you were an agent who was here to do a job.”

Another silence passed between the two of you before Javier cleared his throat uncomfortably.

“Pretty sure you’re supposed to say something nice about me now.” He told you, gesturing to the magazine in your hands and you nodded though you were as silent for as long as Javier had been. 

It wasn’t hard to come up with reasons you liked Javier, despite the fact you could count the number of genuine conversations you’d had with the man on one hand and all the others had been mostly arguments you weren’t denying he was a good person. The arguments weren’t serious and even with them, hell mostly because of them, you had actually started liking Javier as you spent more time with him.

“You care about people,” You said, frowning at your own words as they didn’t seem enough and like him you elaborated. “If somebody you cared about was in danger you’d do everything you could to make sure they were safe but it's not even just that, you know? Like that time we were fighting and I stormed off and ended up with that broken ankle,” the sound of Javier’s chuckle caused you to finally look up at him, a smile on his face as he recalled the day you were talking about, “we were pissed as hell at each other but you still took me to the hospital and stayed with me the whole time.”

“I kept speaking to you in Spanish because you couldn’t understand it and you were too caught up arguing with me that you didn’t even focus on the pain.” A surprised look spread across your face as you finally understood why he had barely spoken in English the whole drive to the hospital. “¿Próxima pregunta? (Next question?)” He asked with a smirk tugging at his lips and you grinned without meaning to.

“Si fuéramos a ser amigos cercanos, ¿qué es una cosa que deberíamos saber sobre la otra? (If we were to be close friends, what is one thing we should know about each other?)” You asked, watching as his smirk grew into a smile as you answered in perfect Spanish.

“I’m stubborn-” You answered first, glaring as Javier cut you off with a sarcastic scoff.

“You stubborn?” He asked, grin on his face as you rolled the magazine up and reached over to whack his arm.

“But I have the best intentions, even if it doesn’t always work out right.” Javier’s face seemed to soften at your answer as he could only stare at you for a moment before shaking his head and answering you himself.

“I’m a mess,” He admitted, voice quieter than it had been moments before, “sometimes the weight of everything we do, the weight of what we see feels like it’s gonna suffocate me.”

Just as Javier had softened at your answer you did the same with his, eyes widening a tiny bit as a soft smile spread across your face, nodding in understanding at his words, knowing first hand just how overwhelming the job was some days.

“We’ll catch him.” You said just as softly as he had spoken and his eyes shifted so they were looking directly into yours, seeing how much you meant those words.

“Yeah, I know we will.” He told you after a moment of silence passed between you.

After sharing another smile Javier prompted you to ask another question and then another one and another one until the two of you had somehow drifted closer to each other, the magazine now spread out in front of the two of you as you made your way through the questions. You and Javier confessing your most embarrassing moments, admitting to the last time you’d cried and sharing stories of your families and your upbringing. 

People glanced over at the pair of you, the sight of the two of you leaning into each other, both laughing and smiling and not a nasty word to be heard was an unusual sight, one nobody in the office could ever recall seeing. 

You and Javier remained completely oblivious to the reactions of your colleagues, both too caught up in each other, trading answers with each other and finding it hard to believe how much you wanted to know the answer to questions about Javier’s family or what his most treasured memory was.

Despite realising it you were having the most genuine conversation with Javier Peña you had ever had. Hell Javier thought this might have been the most real conversation he’d had with anyone ever and was shocked by how much he wanted you to know his story, by how much he wanted to know yours, completely hooked on every word you had to say and committing the words to memory. 

There had always been something beyond the heated arguments and words thrown carelessly between the two of you, something beyond the looks disguised as glares but neither of you would have admitted it. Neither of you even acknowledged it, refusing to look for a deeper meaning to a routine that had become a comfort, a constant thing you could count on considering how fast things could change given your line of work. 

“Última pregunta. (Last question.)” Javier said, his eyes moving from the pages in front of you to look into your eyes, hating that this moment was about to end and you’d go back to hating each other.

“For what in your life do you feel most grateful?” You asked and there was a sadness to your tone too, not knowing if you could forget this afternoon and carry on fighting the man before you.

Javier hesitated, an answer on the tip of his tongue but unsure whether he could force the words out. They were true, he knew they were but before today would never have even thought to say them. If he didn’t say them though he was damning himself to a life of pretending, pretending to hate you, pretending his feelings weren’t there. He was exhausted with the job weighing down on him, he didn’t want another weight added to the already unmanageable one on his shoulders. 

“Meeting you.” He confessed finally, the second the words left his lips he knew there was no taking them back but he found he didn’t care, he didn’t want to take them back, didn’t want them to be a secret. “Meeting you is the thing I’m most grateful for.”

You couldn’t do anything but stare at Javier. For so long the two of you fought, you argued, you snapped and glared at each other but underneath that you cared for each other. You knew without a doubt that you would take a bullet for him, knew he would take one just as quickly for you. You knew that if anything ever happened to him you’d be crushed, knew it would feel like you were losing a bit of yourself. 

It was like the feelings had always been there, hidden under the surface never to be looked at and yet somehow, with a few questions, those feelings were on full display for anyone to see and you weren’t even mad. Sure you were scared as hell as to what would happen between you and Javier but you didn’t regret that it was out in the open, in fact with the line of work the two of you were in you welcomed the small slice of happiness that could come from this conversation.

“I’m grateful we had this conversation.” You told him, voice quiet and any noise from around the office fading out as Javier shot you a shy smile that you easily returned, feeling your cheeks heat up as Javier placed his hand on yours and gave it a soft squeeze.

“Who would’ve thought some questions from a damn magazine would be the thing to get us talking?” Javier said and it was like those were the magic words to settle the nerves as you let out a laugh, Javier laughing along with you and memorising the way your face shifted and lit up as you laughed, a warm feeling in his chest at being the one to draw that reaction from you.

“So are you in love with me yet?” You asked with a grin that nearly took Javier’s breath away.

“Why?” He asked, the smile on his lips so wide it almost ached, “¿Aún quieres romperme el corazón? (Do you still want to break my heart?)”

Your grin shifted in a soft smile as you shook your head, watching as Javier’s eyes shifted to your lips but he shook his head too and brushed his thumb across your knuckles.

“Can I take you out this weekend?” He asked you, nervous bubbling in his chest, the kind of nerves he hadn’t had for many years.

A few hours ago the thought of Javier Peña going on a date would have been laughable, this man didn’t do dates, he didn’t do commitment, he did fast hookups and not much else and yet you trusted him not to use you for nothing more than sex. It was easy to believe his intentions for a date were true when he was looking at you with a nervous smile and soft eyes.

“Pick me up a seven.” You told him and he grinned at you as he nodded, squeezing your hand one last time before you were both interrupted.

“Pablo Escobar was spotted at the airport,” Steve said causing both your heads to snap over to him at the new information but then you watched him slump down in his chair and huff out and annoyed breath, “Of course he wasn’t but I still had to run through the whole damn airport just to check. Hope you two had a better day than I did.”

You and Javier both looked away from Steve and shot each other a look that turned into twin smiles causing Steve to raise an eyebrow as he looked between the two of you before his eyes landed on your joined hands.

“A much better day by the looks of it.” He grinned and you laughed as Javier rolled his eyes but he didn’t pull away from you as he slouched back in his seat, quickly changing the conversation to work as you sat mostly in silence, sneaking glances at Javier as he spoke, a smile playing on your lips as you counted down the hours until your date.

Who would have thought it would only take thirty six questions for you to fall for Javier Peña?

_________

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Holding On & Letting Go

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Angstember Prompt - "I really hope you get her someday."

Even at eleven years old you knew James Potter was going to be an important person in your life. Of course back then you were only young, you didn’t know what lay ahead during your seven years at Hogwarts but you knew there was something about James Potter, something about the confident eleven year old who took one look at the scared muggle born girl on her own and immediately ushered her into his cart and walked next her to get sorted.

You remembered that day so clearly, almost like time hadn’t passed. You remembered James helping you adjust to magic, helping you with whatever you were confused with without hesitation. You remembered how James had dragged you outside, insisting that one of the best things about magic was flying, remembered how he had grinned as you refused to mount the broom only to compromise with you and before you knew it you were on a broom, James behind you as you went on your first flight.

You had years’ worth of fond, happy memories attached to James. For the first few years at Hogwarts there were no bad memories, sure the two of you had arguments but they were resolved before the day was over. You and James were attached at the hip, it was rare to be seen without the other, and so it didn’t surprise Remus when you told him at the beginning of fifth year that you had a crush on the boy.

You’d liked him for a while now, half way through third year you realised you liked him more than a friend but you hadn’t been too concerned with trying to figure out your feelings at thirteen. Now however you were fifteen, everyone around you was getting into relationships and you’d had years to think about what your feelings for James meant.

You also had a year of watching James’ crush on Lily Evans, watching as he made an idiot out of himself over and over again in an almost desperate attempt to capture her attention. Whilst Sirius laughed and encouraged it, you sat on the sidelines, a feeling in the pit of your stomach you couldn’t quite place but ignored as best you could. 

Fifth year came along and James hadn’t been as focused on Lily, instead he reigned himself in, offering up polite conversation to the girl but not much else. That was when you had confessed to Remus your feelings for James, knowing the boy would never share your conversation with him but still feeling like speaking the words aloud would cause something to shift. 

Remus had smiled at you, encouraged you to tell James how you felt, confident James felt the same for you. At first you had been adamantly against Remus’ advice, not wanting to mess up the dynamic you had with James but one night, long after everyone else had gone to bed and you and James had snuck out to lay out by the lake, looking up at the stars you had whispered your feelings to him.

The few seconds of silence that passed after your confession were torturously slow but then James had turned to you with a soft smile and asked you to go with him to Hogsmeade that weekend and you felt a weight you hadn’t known was there fall from your shoulders. 

From there it was easy dating James, the two of you already spent most of your time together anyway and five years of being friends made it feel like you knew everything about the other. There was no awkward getting to know each other phase, no uncomfortableness, it felt like nothing had changed except now you finally got to kiss him. 

It was easy to ignore at first. For the first few months of your relationship with James it was easy to get lost in him, so absorbed by the happiness you felt that you didn’t even realise it at first, not until the whispers around you got louder and the sympathetic looks multiplied. 

That’s when you noticed James’ straying eyes, the way he‘d leave your side and you’d spot him sitting with Lily or how even when she wasn’t involved in the conversation her name still somehow managed to get brought up.

You wanted to continue to ignore, to just remain oblivious and not have to deal with it and despite feeling like an idiot that’s exactly what you did. You refused to acknowledge any feelings James might have towards Lily, refused to listen as people told you it was only a matter of time before the two of them became a thing. If you went to bed with tears in your eyes some nights, having to share a room with the girl you were sharing James’ affection with then nobody had to know.

Just because his feelings for Lily had seemingly returned, or more accurately never left but had been buried for a while, didn’t mean he was any less involved with you. He was still there with you every day, still held your books, walked you to class, snuck the two of you out of the castle and asked you on dates. He still spent his nights with you tucked under his arm in front of the fire and smiled at you like he always had.

It almost made you wonder, one night alone in bed, if he was even aware of his own feelings for Lily, if he realised just how much he liked her. That’s when you paused, your breathing stopping for a second before you sucked in a sharp breath. What you and James had was comfortable, it was familiar, it reminded you of home when you were in his arms and you had to wonder if he felt the same. Surely he couldn’t, right? No matter how much you wanted to believe otherwise you had spent months ignoring the fact that when he walked into a room his gaze seemed to land on Lily before it did you.

The realisation had your heart breaking and you felt the tears sliding down your cheeks as you tried to muffle your cries. You had fallen for James, loved him as a best friend and as a boyfriend, though you’d yet to admit that one out loud, and you knew, no matter what happened between you and James, you knew he would never want to hurt you.

Somehow, even with the ache in your chest, you managed to fall asleep that night dreading your date to Hogsmeade the next morning.

The two of you sat opposite each other at a small table by the window, drinks in hand as you half-heartedly listened to James rambling on, your thoughts still very much still on the same train of thought as they had been last night.

“Hey,” James called softly, gaining your attention as he touched your hand, “you alright?” 

You were silent for a moment, completely unsure about how to answer that question. You knew your relationship with James was over at that point, if you were being honest it had been over for a long time but even now you were hesitant to admit it, hesitant to bring it to attention but you knew you needed to. 

At the end of the day James was still your best friend, even if that would sting for a while, and you had only ever what was best for him. If Lily Evans was what was best for him, or at least what he thought was best for him, then who were you to stand in the way?

Still it didn’t mean your heart wasn’t shattered.

Just as you opened your mouth to answer him you watched as his eyes flickered to the side, over to where the door was. Without needing to look you already knew who had just walked into The Three Broomsticks, you watched as James’ face lit up, a smile tugging unconsciously at his lips as his eyes followed her and still you turned your head slightly so you could see her, feeling your own eyes fill with tears.

Resignation was clear on your face even as your eyes fell closed to stop the tears from sliding down your cheeks. You took a breath before turning back to James whose gaze was on you again, concern written across his features.

“I really hope you get her someday.” You told him shakily, two tears trailing down your right cheek as you spoke.

Those weren’t exactly the words you thought you were going to use to start this conversation but ultimately they seemed right. Despite how much your heart ached, despite how much you wished it was you he wanted to be with, at the end of the day all you wanted was him happy.

You watched as the concern on James' face turned to confusion, his eyebrows knitting together as he tilted his head. 

“What?” He finally asked, his confusion just as clear in his tone as it was on his face.

“You like her, James.” You told him, watching as his eyes widened as they moved to look at Lily again before he turned back to you, shaking his head as he did. “It’s ok, I’ve known for a long time I just didn’t want to admit it.”

“I like you, Y/N/N.” He told you firmly, sounding like he truly believed those words and you didn’t doubt it.

“I know,” You told him, a smile making its way onto your face despite the fact that more and more tears seemed to fall from your eyes. ‘I know you do but I’m not her.” Your voice broke as you spoke, the words had you fighting back more tears.

“Y/N,” James tried again but you shook your head.

“Your whole face lights up when she so much as enters a room and when she talks to you, Merlin’s beard, I’ve never seen you smile brighter. I wish it was me, James, believe me I wish more than anything I was the one who could make you that happy but I’m not and I love you so much that I just want you to be happy…even if it’s not with me.” As you spoke you had to pause, needing to take a shaky breath as the tears continued to pour from your eyes.

James’ eyes widened at the love confession casually thrown into the speech, something you hadn’t even meant to let slip out but didn’t regret. They weren’t spoken to make him feel back but more so because you wanted him to know, know how much he meant to you and how much you really didn’t want there to be any hatred between the two of you.

You watched his eyes drift over towards Lily again before he looked to you, looking equally as heartbroken as you felt.

“I love you, you know that right?” He asked you, eyes pleading with you to know he was being honest and you couldn’t help but laugh softly despite the tears as you nodded.

“I know you do, baby,” you whispered, laugh fading into a shaky smile and you watched as James’ own eyes became watery, “just not like how you love her.” 

“I’m so sorry, Y/N/N.” He apologised, words shaky and broken as he reached out and took your hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m so, so sorry.” 

“I know you are.” You said again, squeezing his hand back and watching as a tear fell down his cheek. “I meant it, you know.”

“Meant what?” He asked, the two of you keeping your voices low as you spoke.

“I really do hope you get her.” You told him and watched his eyes shut as he shook his head, opening them to look at you with wide, apologetic eyes. 

Before James had the chance to reply you brought his hand up to your lips and pressed a gentle, barely there kiss to the skin before letting it fall back to the table and giving it a final squeeze. With that you pulled away from him and stood up, watching as his face seemed to crumble even more as he watched you.

He opened his mouth as if to say something more but seemed to decide against it as it fell closed. Instead he forced a shaky smile onto his face as more tears made their way down his cheeks. You smiled back at him, feeling too many emotions to make sense of as you turned away from him and out of the inn, ignoring the looks people sent you, not even caring about what a state you’d look like now with tears still falling down your face.

As you began your walk back to the castle alone you knew, despite how much you were hurting right now, despite how much you wanted to curl up in your room and cry until everything felt better, you knew you had done the right thing, not only for James but for yourself. 

For months you’d let your relationship continue despite knowing about his feelings for Lily, all because you weren’t ready to let him go. You still weren’t ready to be without him in all honesty but you knew it wasn’t fair to yourself to stay with somebody who wasn’t as all in as you were.

You would always love James Potter, it seemed impossible that there was a universe out there that could exist without you loving him. Even if you had to do the hardest thing and let him go it didn’t mean you loved him any less, Merlin, it probably showed you loved him more, the fact you were willing to let him go, willing to put his own happiness above your own. You would always love James Potter, it was just one of the many facts of life, even if he didn’t love you back, even if it meant watching him with another girl, your love for him would never fade.

____

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Narcos Masterlist

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- Answer Honestly

- Easier With You

- Haunted by the Look in Your Eyes

- Anything For You

First and Last

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Prompts -  'Home is not where you are from, it is where you belong. Some of us travel the whole world to find it. Others find it in a person.’

Though it was tempting to steal a glance you kept your eyes locked ahead of you, watching as the jedi and his droid walked away, watching as Grogu’s eyes never left Din as he was carried away before he finally disappeared from view. You stepped forward silently, taking Din’s hand in yours and giving it a gentle squeeze, resting your head on his shoulder and feeling how it shook with silent tears. 

It was tempting to turn to him, to look into his eyes, to cup his cheeks and wipe his tears away but you didn’t. You let your head rest on the beskar covered shoulder, let your eyes fall shut and tried to suppress your own tears. 

It would have been easy to sneak a glance at the man you had fallen hard for but you didn’t. It wasn’t the time and no part of you wanted the memory of you finally seeing Din’s face, should such a day ever come, to be spoiled by the memory of losing Grogu, the child both you and Din had come to love.

You don’t know how long the two of you stood there, staring at the empty space in front of you but eventually it was time to move on.

Din had shoved his helmet back on and hadn’t taken it off again since. The two of you travelled the galaxy together, Din took bounties and you went along with him. The man almost seemed shocked when you said you were staying with him, like he had already prepared himself to lose you too.

The thought of leaving Din, especially after he had just lost his child, didn’t even occur in your mind. Sure the main reason you had joined the Clan of Two to begin with was to help Din reunite Grogu with his own kind but after spending so much time in close quarters with the man it wasn’t surprising when you started to fall for him. It took a long time before Din finally opened up to you, trusting you more and more as each day passed.

Din had never known such a feeling in his life, the way his entire body seemed to warm as he watched you with Grogu, whether it be the three of you in the cockpit of the Razor Crest, Grogu on your lap and you telling him stories so animatedly, eyes as bright as the stars passing by through the windows or listening to you as you spoke clear Basic in an attempt to pull some words from the child, watching as Grogu beamed up at you but ultimately only let out cheerful coos. The way you were with his child definitely helped him warm up to you quicker but there was no doubting Din had started to develop feelings for you and it had terrified him.

He had always been on his own, never getting this close to another person before. If someone had told Din before he met Grogu that he’d have a child and fall for someone like you he would have laughed, never once believing he could have something like this, never once wanting or thinking he needed it. Of course it was easy to think you didn’t need something until you had it and now the thought of losing you pained Din so deeply, a hole already in his heart from losing Grogu…he was really glad you had shot him an unimpressed look the day he asked you whether you wanted to leave.

Time passed and the pain of missing Grogu never seemed to dull but the two of you found a way to live with it. At first Din had drawn in on himself. The man was never particularly vocal but as he became more comfortable around you, he initiated conversations, he asked questions and looked forward to learning any of your story but after Grogu he hardly spoke unless you did first and even then, at least in the first month or two, the only response you received was grunts and huffs.

You let the man mourn though, never rushed him or forced him to be anything he couldn’t. You stood by and watched as he took bounty after bounty, seemingly becoming more and more reckless like he didn’t care what happened to him. You’d lost track at this point of how many times you’d had to patch up avoidable injuries and eventually started going with him and fighting alongside him.

You were the one to find a new ship for the two of you, whilst you were willing to let Din heal however he needed to, you couldn’t deal with travelling with the general public. Din had hated the new ship at first, shaking his head and muttering how you didn’t need it. You knew nothing would ever replace the Razor Crest and Din knew you were only trying to help so reluctantly began to pilot it.

It took time but eventually Din began speaking first, starting with a quiet ‘good morning’ that was just about picked up by the modulator. The smile that spread across your face had his lips twitching into the ghost of a smile though he didn’t quite let it take form. 

He sat in the pilot's seat one morning and let his thoughts wander, he knew he wasn’t being fair to you, knew that shutting you out wouldn’t make the pain he felt better. In fact you were probably one of the few people in the galaxy that he felt like he could talk to, one of the few people that would sit there for as long as it took for him to work through his thoughts and find the words that summed up how he was feeling.

He knew why he was ignoring you, of course he did. He had gotten so attached to Grogu, came to love him like he was his own child and he had always known that Grogu was never his to keep, Grogu’s own future far more important than anything Din could offer. Still, losing him felt like he had been torn in two, it left him feeling empty and it was hard to remember a time before Grogu where he thrived in his isolation, where he didn’t notice how truly lonely he was.

It wasn’t only Grogu he had gotten attached to though. Just like how the child had wormed his way past the beskar armour and into his heart, you had too. You had come along one day and stolen Din’s heart and it terrified the man, terrified him so much that he had done what he was doing now, shut you out entirely. For weeks he barely spoke to you and if he did it was only short one word answers or grunts but it didn’t stop him watching you, gaze hidden by the helmet. His eyes followed every move you made, memorised every feature on your face. 

Without noticing it he had learned to live with his feelings for you, slowly returning to normal, if not more willing to be open with you, to answer your questions about Mandalorian culture, to tell you stories about his life, to let you in in a way no other person had ever been. It was terrifying to Din but it was also easy once he stopped fighting his feelings, it was easy to fall for you.

But now, now he had lost Grogu and his thoughts ran wild, convincing himself that eventually he would lose you too. Sure you had told him you were staying with him, swore you weren’t leaving but it was only a matter of time and Din was only running on half a heart as it was, he wasn’t sure he’d survive you leaving with the other half.

And so instead of talking about it with you, instead of confessing all his fears and secrets, he pushed you away, kept you at arm’s length even though it killed him, even though he knew you were hurting too. 

Without realising it he had pulled the silver ball out of his pocket and had begun to fiddle with it, so lost in thought he didn’t hear the door to the cockpit open or you sit down in the seat next to him until you cleared your throat. 

“Sorry,” He mumbled, shaking his head as he clenched the ball in his fist and turned to face you. 

Despite the fact that Din could tell you hadn’t been sleeping properly he still thought you looked more beautiful each time he saw you and longed for something more between the two of you, longed to cup your face in his hands, to trace every feature and memorise every inch of you. He wanted to feel your lips against his and sometimes got the overwhelming urge to say rangir (to hell with it) and lift the helmet up enough to bring your lips together, to be done with the helmet all together.

Even though things had gotten better between the two of you there was still a tension in the air as though you were constantly tip-toeing around each other, never sure what the right thing to say was. Din hated it, he hated that his own isolation, his own actions, had caused you to drift apart. 

He knew he had to right things between you, wanted to more than anything but he wasn’t very good with words, he never needed to be when he could talk with a blaster and his fists. Unfortunately this wasn’t a situation he could punch his way out of and the only option was to push past his own unease and talk to you.

He couldn’t live the rest of his life regretting not telling you how much you meant to him, how much he needed you…how much he loved you. 

“You okay?” You asked him, voice soft as to not disturb his thoughts. 

He couldn’t help but plead with you from behind the helmet, eyes wide and swimming with too many emotions, begging for you to read his thoughts, to know what he wanted to say but couldn’t get out but he knew it wasn’t possible, knew he needed to say something.

“Yooba solus mesh’la.” Din told you, voice just as quiet as yours had been but the words didn’t sound as soft as they had leaving his lips through the modulator and yet Din watched as your entire face seemed to light up, a beaming smile spreading across your lips at the use of Mando’a.

Before the Jedi had taken Grogu and it was just the three of you travelling together in the Razor Crest, you had convinced Din to speak Mando’a, both you and Grogu taking great delight in hearing the language neither of you could understand come from Din. You had always tried to speak the language along with him, repeating his words though you had yet to not butcher a single one of them much to Din’s delight, hiding soft smiles behind the helmet, feeling himself fall a little more in love with you as you stumbled over the words. 

Hearing Din speak Mando’a, after what felt like an entire lifetime ago now, almost took your breath away and you couldn’t have stopped the smile that spread across your face if you tried, eyes meeting his despite the helmet covering them.

“Youba soleus meshla?” You repeated and the sound of Din’s chuckle caused your smile to widen even more, verging on almost painful but you didn’t care.

It had been so long since things felt this light between the two of you, you planned on savouring every second of it.

“Not quite,” He said and you didn’t need to see his face to know he was smiling, you could hear it clear as day in his voice even despite the modulator. 

“What does it mean?” You asked, tilting your head questioningly and Din’s heart felt like it was about to beat right through his chest and the beskar covering it.

A beat or two of silence passed between the two of you as you waited patiently for Din to translate Mando’a into Basic but the wait was worth it when he finally did.

“You are beautiful.” He told you, voice soft and hesitant and his eyes watching your face closely, waiting for a reaction.

He didn’t have to wait long though, your reaction was instantaneous, eyes widening as you looked over at him with such open warmth and, dare he say, love. The grin that was spread across your face softened into a smile and your own heart began beating loudly enough that you thought Din could hear it from where he sat.

“Din,” You said softly but the man cut you off, needing to continue before he lost all nerve and retreated from you again.

“So beautiful,” he murmured, a million things he’d like to say to you ran through his head but getting them out of his mouth was easier said than done. “I don’t want another day to pass where you don’t know that, where I don’t tell you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, I’m sorry I pushed you away because I couldn’t deal with my own pain. Yooba solus ner aliit and I can’t lose you too.” 

If Din’s eyes became teary under the helmet, nobody had to know.

He watched you closely, watched as your face seemed to soften even more so than it already was, watched as you reached over and took his clenched fist in your hand, the ball falling onto his lap as he let his fingers curl around yours.

“Yooba solus nair alit?” You asked softly, voice filled with more emotions than Din could make out, hopeful and overwhelmed being the main two he picked up on.

“You are my family.” He told you, his own voice thick with slight fear and hope.

You let out a small huff of laughter as your own eyes filled with tears, not having the luxury of the helmet to hide them from the man in front of you. Din didn’t take it as a bad sign, instead he lifted his free hand up and placed it against your face, cupping your cheek in the palm of his hand and brushing away a single stray tear that slipped out of your eye.

He hesitated for only a moment, half a moment really, before he leaned across, coming closer to you and let his helmet-covered forehead connect with yours, watching as you looked up at him from under your eyelashes. 

“Is this a Mandalorian thing?” You asked in a soft whisper after several moments of silence had passed, feeling like something significant was happening right now despite not knowing exactly what it was.

“Elek,” he murmured, causing you to laugh softly and Din to fall a little bit more in love, “Because Mandalorian don't take their helmets off, this is how they kiss.”

You didn’t move for a moment but when you did Din almost melted as you lifted your free hand to cup the helmet, letting your thumb brush just below the visor. Din couldn’t recall a time where he had wanted to take the helmet off so much, to feel your hand on his cheek, to be able to press a kiss to your palm before placing one against your lips. 

It was almost overwhelming to see the warmth, the happiness, the love in your eyes. Din could have looked away, you would never have known if he did but despite how breathless your gaze was leaving him, he couldn’t bring himself to look anywhere else. 

He let his hand wander down until it rested against your jaw, his thumb brushing against your lower lip and the final straw for him seemed to be feeling you smile against him, feeling the way your lips shifted into a soft smile as you continued to look at him like he was the only person in the world.

“Close your eyes.” He commanded softly, watching as your eyebrows knitted together but you didn’t question him. 

He watched as your eyes fell shut, lifting his hand again to brush his thumb against one of your closed lids before he pulled away completely, taking the hand that was still holding yours away too.

Taking the helmet off felt easier than he thought, there was a swell of guilt in his chest but it was drowned by the absolute love and adoration he felt for you. He knew even with the guilt that he wouldn’t regret his decision, not when it meant he could finally feel your lips against his.

He raised his hand to cup your cheek again, unable to stop the smile that pulled at his lips as you leaned into the touch. He only hesitated for a moment, removing the helmet in front of someone wasn’t something he did lightly meaning he had never kissed anyone and he had never been more glad in that moment, his first kiss would be with you and he knew he would never have another first kiss again.

You were it for him, his first and last.

You gasped when you felt lips against yours, just about managing to keep your eyes closed. Din moved in a way that told you he had little to no experience though it didn’t shock you, you couldn’t help but smile into the kiss before moving your lips together, feeling every cliché you had ever read or heard about.

The kiss wasn’t rushed, the two of you took the time to memorise the way your lips moved against each other, your hands cupping the other’s face, one of yours moving into Din’s hair and you had to stop yourself from pulling back, from opening your eyes and savouring every detail of the man in front of you.

It was tempting but you didn’t open them, you kept them shut as he pulled away. You kept them shut as he rested his forehead on yours, as he took in every piece of you, smiling as you followed his lips to peck them once, twice more. 

“Youba soleus meshla.” You told him, feeling his smile widen as you repeated the words from earlier, messing up each of them but he loved the sound of Mando’a leaving your lips all the same.

Never had the language sounded more lovely.

“Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum.” He told you, unable to stop the words from coming out of his mouth and finding he didn’t regret them. “Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum.” He repeated and he swore to himself he’d repeat those words every day for the rest of his life if he was lucky enough to have you for that long.

“What does that mean?” You asked him, fingers still tracing the features of his face and Din felt them stop as he translated the words for you. 

“I love you.” He whispered, he whispered them so softly that if you weren’t this close to him you would have missed them entirely but you heard them and couldn’t help but freeze for a moment. For so long you’d known you were in love with Din, knew that you were completely gone for him months into knowing him but you never once dared to think he could feel the same way about you.

Despite the kiss, despite the fact he was in front of you, your hands on his helmetless face, hearing him say those words seemed to overwhelm you the most and you couldn’t stop yourself from pressing another kiss to his lips, this one more hurried, more desperate as if you were trying to convey every feeling you felt into that one kiss.

“I love you too,” You whispered as you pulled away, only to lean back in for another kiss as soon as the words were spoken, “Nee kartay gar darsum.” You whispered again, the words like a prayer falling from your lips and Din’s smile grew even wider, too wide to kiss you again and instead he opted to bump your foreheads together softly.

“Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum, cyar’ika.” He told you, meaning the words with his entire being, never being more sure of anything in his life and promising himself he would show you every day just how much he meant it.

____________

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