Anything For You

Anything For You

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Prompts -  “Shh. Stay here and don’t make a sound no matter what you hear. I’ll come back for you when it’s over.” & “You shoot anyone who walks through that door who isn’t me, you hear?”  

Javier knew it wasn’t a good idea to bring you along. He should have just waited for Steve, or better yet he should have kept his mouth shut and followed his lead himself. Instead he had been ordered to bring you along, he knew damn well it was to keep him in line, he was known to play fast and loose with the rules, it was the main reason you had been assigned to the case with him and Steve.

It wasn’t even that he didn’t like you, he did, he really did and wasn’t that part of the problem. You were the first person he’d met down here that made him want to give up his life of lonely nights and prostitutes, the first person he’d actually let in. Nothing had happened between the two of you much as Javier wished it would but he knew he liked you, he cared about you and wanted to do everything he could to keep you safe.

So having you walk into one of Escobar’s apparent abandoned safe houses wasn’t exactly filling him with joy. It set him on edge and he felt like he couldn’t focus properly, ever since you’d walked through the door he’d had one eye on the room and one eye on you. It made it damn near impossible to look for anything useful.

“Are you sure this place is abandoned?” You asked as you lifted up a newspaper and frowned down at it.

“My source seemed pretty sure.” He told you but frowned with you, trusting you and your senses more than any of his informants. “Why?”

“This is yesterday’s paper.” You said, holding it up to him so he could read the date on it. “Your source tell you exactly when they left?”

“He seemed to think they left in a hurry but no, no he didn’t say when.” Javier said and his frown deepened as he looked around the room.

“Something about this place doesn’t feel abandoned.” You told him and he nodded without looking at you, knowing that as bad as he wanted to keep you safe he had a job to do.

The two of you made your way through the safe house, frowns firmly in place as more and more evidence piled up to suggest that the place wasn’t as abandoned as you’d been led to believe. You questioned just how trustworthy Javier’s informant was and he swore to you their information was usually good, it had never been wrong before.

“Maybe Escobar figured there was a rat.” You suggested and Javier’s eyebrows knitted together, his guy wasn’t too close to Escobar but he was close enough that Escobar knew who he was.

Just as Javier was about to say something the roar of more than one engine could be heard from outside and you and Javier’s head shot around to face each other, your wide eyes staring back at him as he desperately tried to come up with a plan but he couldn’t see any way out.

You were stuck in here.

“Fuck.” Javier cursed as the engines cut off and seconds later the door you and Javier had come through opened and shut.

“Javi,” You started but cut yourself off as he stepped closer to you and cupped your cheek, bringing his forehead down to rest on yours.

“You trust me?” He asked and you didn’t even need a second to think before you nodded against him, murmuring a soft yes that had Javier’s lips pulling into a smile despite the situation. “Good girl, stay here, I’ll be back soon.”

“Javi, no-” You protested in a whisper but Javier had already made his mind up. His job was to protect you, his purpose was to make sure you were safe. What happened to him didn’t matter, not when your life was in danger.

“Shh. Stay here and don’t make a sound no matter what you hear. I’ll come back for you when it’s over.” He told you and looked into your wide, watery eyes as you shook your head. “Hey, you gotta trust me baby.”

Javier watched as you took a deep, steadying breath and even as your bottom lip trembled you nodded and he kept his smile in place, trying to be brave for the both of you even as the place was filled with God only knew how many of Escobar’s men.

“That’s my girl.” Javier said and watched your lips twitch upwards slightly.

He pulled away far enough so that he could place a soft kiss to your forehead, letting his lips linger against you for a few seconds longer, savouring the feeling of you against him and hoping like hell he had the chance to see you again.

When he pulled away his hand went down to his gun, taking the safety off as he made his way to the door. You watched as he moved to leave, a tear sliding down your cheek as every part of you wanted to follow him out of the room.

“You shoot anyone who walks through that door who isn’t me, you hear?” Javier ordered and you took another steadying breath and nodded, pulling your own gun out. “That’s it, baby. Keep quiet and stay in here, yeah?” Again you nodded and with that Javier left the room, shutting the door silently behind him.

The house was painfully silent for a long couple of moments, your chest hurting as you practically stopped breathing to listen out for Javier. You flinched violently when you heard gunshots ringing out, too many to count and every part of you screamed to go out there and help Javier.

You couldn’t though, he had told you to stay hidden and you just needed to trust that he had this, that he could get the upper hand. Your stomach churned as you waited though, knowing that, whilst Javier wouldn’t hesitate to put a bullet in them especially when your safety was at risk, Escobar’s men were ruthless.

You just had to trust Javier. He was good with the gun, he knew what he was doing.

He would be ok.

The sound of gunshots seemed to last for hours when really it couldn't have been more than a few minutes before the house filled with silence. You held your breath again, waiting for any sign of life but when the house stayed silent you took a step towards the door with a feeling of dread.

Then you heard a thud before footsteps started to make their way towards the door. You took two steps back and held your gun tighter in your hands, hoping like hell it was Javier on the other side.

The seconds between hearing somebody grab the door knob and the door opening were tense and you let out a sharp breath of relief as Javier practically fell through the door. You noticed the blood covering him and ran over to him just in time to catch him, struggling to keep his weight up as you tried to find a wound.

“I’m alright,” Javier tried to assure you through gritted teeth and you just shook your head. “S’not all mine.”

“C’mon,” you said as you wrapped your arms around him more securely and practically dragged him out of the room, knowing you needed to get out of here. “We gotta get you to a hospital.”

“No!” Javier protested, stopping abruptly causing you to stumble and Javier to nearly fall to the ground, letting out a pained curse as he did. “No hospital.”

You didn’t argue with him, knew there was no time for that, so instead you nodded and repositioned your arms so you could help him to the car. It took longer than you would have liked but eventually you were driving away from the safehouse before any more of Escobar’s men had the chance to show up.

Javier had you drive to the apartment complex, he knew he couldn’t risk the two of you walking into a hospital, if Escobar was looking for the two of you then the staff under him wouldn’t hesitate to report two Americans walking in.

He gritted his teeth and leaned most of his weight onto you as the pair of you struggled up the stairs and into his apartment before you helped him onto the couch where he dropped onto it none too gently, letting out a hiss of pain as he did.

“Let me see.” You demanded, trying to keep your voice from shaking but Javier knew you better than anyone and could see how scared you were no matter how well you tried to hide it.

“I’m alright, baby.” Javier tried to reassure you again, his tone breathy as he tried to push the pain down.

You shook your head and knelt down in front of him, a sight Javier would have drank down any other time but right now his side ached in pain and it was taking all his strength to keep calm in front of you. Your hands came up to his blood stained shirt and pulled it up, murmuring a soft, distracted apology as he winced.

Your eyes immediately went to the wound on his side, a bullet had skimmed his skin, deep enough that he would definitely need stitches but thankfully the bullet had gone clean across his skin so there was no need to deal with it lodged in him.

“You need a hospital, Javi.” You told him, this time you weren’t able to stop the shake in your voice as you looked up at him and saw his head tilted to the side like he no longer had the strength to hold it up and his eyes drooped closed. “Hey! Don’t even think about sleeping.”

“No hospital, baby, can’t protect you right now.” Javier slurred out and you felt your own panic rise as you thought through your options. No hospital, Steve wasn’t in his apartment and Javier wouldn’t trust anyone in his right now.

You were going to have to patch him up yourself, a great idea if you actually knew what you were doing.

“Ok, ok, no hospital but you have to work with me, Javi, ok? You can’t sleep, I’ll be right back but you gotta stay awake for me.” You told him, moving to stand up and get Javier’s first aid kit, knowing it would be fully stocked with everything you needed.

“Do anything for you, baby.” Javier breathed out and despite yourself you couldn’t help but smile before moving around his apartment.

It didn’t take you long to come back to Javier’s side with everything you thought you needed and frowned at Javier’s closed eyes.

“Hey, you gotta wake up.” You told him whilst you gently shook his shoulder, watching as a lazy smile spread across his face and he forced his eyes open to look over at you.

“M’awake baby.” He promised you and you smiled back as you picked the soaked rag up and gently wiped over the wound, apologising as Javier winced and moaned. Once the wound was cleaned you rooted through the first aid kit and quickly found a needle and thread, wincing yourself as you pierced his skin to patch him up.

Your stomach turned at the sight but you knew you had to do this, so after taking a steadying breath you continued to make your way up the wound, finding it easier to breathe when the blood stopped coming out dangerously fast. Your hands were shaking as you tied the thread off after piercing the needle through the wound one last time before you sat back on your heels with a deep sigh.

“That’s my girl.” Javier said and you let out a shaky laugh that sounded more like a sob really, Javier’s hand coming up to slowly rest on your cheek to pull you closer to him.

You went willingly until your head rested against his shoulder and he moved his forehead to rest against yours, his thumb brushing across your cheek bone. You leaned into the touch, suddenly feeling as exhausted as Javier looked and Javier shifted slightly to press a soft, lingering kiss to your forehead that had your eyes filling with tears.

He was ok.

“You did good, you’re alright.” Javier assured, feeling your tears on his hand and you pulled away from him slightly, just far enough to look at him properly. “Hey, you’re alright, you’re safe.”

“Javi, you were shot.” You told him, he had been shot and here he was still making sure you were ok. “You were shot and you should have let me help you.”

“You did help me, you fixed me up-” Javier started but you cut him off with a shake of your head.

“You should have let me help you back in the house.” You protested and watched as Javier's face softened as he looked at you. “You got shot because you wanted to keep me safe but what if I was with-”

“Baby, if you were out there with me,” Javier interrupted you, pausing to wince as he sat up and you helped him into a sitting position. “If you were out there with me I promise you I’d be worse off.”

“But I could have protected you.” You told him and a smile spread across his face.

“Y/N, there were four guys with huge guns who didn’t hesitate to pull the trigger and I got away with a little scratch. If you were out there with me it would have been worse because I’d have been so focused on you I wouldn’t have been able to protect you properly.”

You were silent after that and Javier watched you process his words, he never wanted you to think he didn’t think you weren’t capable, he’d seen you out in the field and knew you could handle yourself but in a situation where you were outnumbered by, at the time, who knew how many men, Javier had to make a decision and he was always going to choose to put himself in danger before he let anything happened to you.

“Hey,” he said softly as he nudged your knee with his, “it’s been a shit day, let’s just go to bed.”

He watched as your eyebrows knitted together before you looked from him to his bedroom door and seemed to melt as the tension fell from you and you nodded, standing first so you could help Javier up.

Javier winced at the pain in his side but it was bearable enough that he could also focus on how good it felt to have you pressed up against him. It didn’t take long before you got to the bedroom and you set Javier down gently before he told you that you could wear one of his shirts.

You didn’t hesitate to grab one you knew well, it wasn’t anything special just a simple dark green shirt but it was well worn and smelt like Javier, it felt like being enveloped by the man. You left the bathroom and watched as Javier’s face shifted from a wince of pain into a soft smile that spread across his face and you couldn’t stop yourself smiling back.

This was how it was supposed to be, you and Javier coming home together, climbing into bed with each other where Javier could wrap his arms around and pull you into his chest. The two of you should have this and now that Javier had had a taste of you pressed up against him he knew he was done for, he knew there were no more excuses about why he couldn’t ask you out, knew he couldn’t go back to nights filled with prostitutes to mask the loneliness he felt.

This was how it was meant to be, you and him together, with hopefully less blood and needles, but the two of you together in a home that was your own.

__________

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willow

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Prompt - ‘Now this is an open-shut case I guess I should've known from the look on your face.’

Whenever Buck was around things were just easier. He made everything around him lighter, always there with a warm smile and would do anything for anyone. It hadn’t taken long for the two of you to become friends, to be inseparably joined at the hip. It wasn’t just that you worked well together, able to read each other without needing words, you were close once the shift ended, whereas most people who spent as much time as you did with your colleagues would part ways, you and Buck left together and spent hours at each other's side.

You knew that your feelings for Buck went deeper than just friendship, it was obvious to anybody looking at the pair of you that you were half way in love with the man. It was also painfully obvious that Buck was right there with you but you couldn’t see it, not even when the others told you about the way Buck looked at you, not even when they insisted that the two of you would be perfect together.

When you looked at Buck you couldn't see how he felt, sure he was all soft smiles and gentle touches but he was the same with all his friends. You couldn’t guess from the look on his face that he could want more than what you had.

You often found yourself getting lost around Buck, gazing at him whilst he spoke as you tried to see what the others claimed was obvious but you never could. Occasionally you thought something could have been there, some longing glance or adoring look but you always shook your head, convincing yourself that you were just seeing what you wanted to see.

You were content with what you had though, you had to be otherwise it would drive you crazy, you had to be because if you weren’t it meant you’d mess up what you already had with Buck and you couldn’t do that. You’d rather silently pine whilst dreaming about what it would be like to love Buck and be loved back than not have him around at all.

It drove the others crazy that neither of you could see what could be, how easy it would be for the two of you to have one little conversation that would lead to so much happiness. They'd watched you and Buck from day one, seen the way your eyes were immediately drawn to him as Bobby introduced you to the team, saw the way Buck jumped at every opportunity to show you around and helped you with the copious amounts of chores given to you as a probie.

The two of you were perfect for each other, you could go from bantering and teasing into deep and meaning conversations, you were capable of getting Buck to let down his walls, him telling you things he had never shared with anyone before, likewise Buck was probably the person on the planet who knew you best. Whilst it was tempting to shake the two of you by the shoulders until you saw sense or lock you in a room until things were resolved everybody knew that you and Buck had to do this alone, with or without their intervention it was pretty much guaranteed that you two would get together.

It wasn’t just in the way you and Buck could flip between serious and playful when the situation called for it. It was the way you would take one look at Buck, needing only a second to scan his features, before you disobeyed Bobby’s direct orders and followed Buck into a burning building, trusting his judgement and following where he went without a second thought, knowing you’d follow him wherever he went for as long as he’d have you whether it was into his car on the way home or into the flames. It was the way he wrapped his arm around you so casually drawing you closer to him, the way his hand squeezed yours so softly in the truck whenever he could see a call had affected you. It was the way you sat on the counter as you watched him dance around as he spent hours cooking a meal just for the two of you. It was the little moments that would be so meaningless to others that you held close, that made you fall further and further for Buck.

There were so many times you’d just wanted to beg him to show you he felt the same, beg him to take your hand and never let go. You were content with what you had but you could selfishly want more too.

Despite the fact that both of you wanted so badly, nothing happened between the two of you for years, long painful years filled with the most beautiful memories. By this point you knew it was love, there wasn’t another word for the rush of emotions you still felt whenever Buck smiled at you, whenever you watched him scoop Christopher up to greet him, when you watched him punch at the bags in the gym, when he held you in his arms, it was love.  

The others liked to joke that it would take a miracle for you and Buck to finally see that you had practically been dating for all this time. It seemed the universe agreed with the sentiment of wanting you and Buck together but instead of a miracle it gave you a tragedy instead.

It was a call that sounded bad from the get-go and by the time you rolled up to the scene the fire was out of control, already engulfing the two buildings to the side of it. If it was bad outside it was even worse inside. Obviously you were used to feeling the heat of the flames way too close for comfort, it was the job after all, but something about this one felt different, the flames engulfed everything around them, the ceiling was collapsing in on each floor, cutting off exits. Smoke was thick in the air as you made your way through the building, Buck ahead of you as he cleared the way before helping you through.

In the distance a floor or two up you could hear a child crying hysterically, choking on tears and smoke but at least they were still breathing. You and Buck didn’t know how much time you had but it wasn’t long so the two of you tried to work your way upwards, the stairs not an option anymore. You made it up one floor, the sweat pouring off both of you when the radios cracked to life.

“118, evacuate the building.” Bobby’s voice called through and Buck’s head whipped around to look at you, his eyes shifting from yours to the ceiling, the child’s cries closer now. “I repeat evacuate the building, it’s been declared too unstable, it’s going to crumble any moment.”

You and Buck stayed silent, gazes locked on each other for a few seconds as the rest of the team confirmed they were moving out.

“Buck, Y/N, come in.” Bobby called and Buck shook his head.

“What do you want to do?” You asked him, knowing already what his answer would be. Neither of you would be able to leave without at least trying.

“I’m not leaving.” Buck told you and you nodded that was all you needed and you gestured for him to carry on. “Y/N/N, you gotta leave.”

“Not happening, Buck. Hurry, we don't have long.” You told him, seeing the wide eyed soft look he was giving you behind his helmet and any other time you’d be lost in that expression, thinking it over and over but right now wasn’t the time.

“Take my hand.” Buck said as he struggled over the rubble, holding a hand out to help you and you slid your hand into his palm, even with the heavy uniform you couldn’t help but savour the moment.

Bobby’s voice called through the radio again and as you and Buck headed towards the crying child you listened to Buck arguing with him, refusing to leave before turning the radio off completely.

“If we get out of here alive Bobby’s gonna kill you for that.” You told him and couldn't help the pull of your lips as he laughed before pulling himself up another floor, using the rubble to help him.

“Yeah probably but what else is new?” He grinned, holding his hand out again for you and you let him help you pull you up.

The whole building seemed to shake and Buck grabbed onto your arms, pulling you closer as you waited for something to happen, neither of you breathing until a few seconds passed and the building just about stayed standing.

The sound of the child’s screeching cries snapped you back into action, both of your heads turning right in the direction before Buck let go of you with a nod. You nodded back and followed after him with careful steps, keeping your eyes on Buck and desperately trying to focus on him and not the building that was minutes away from collapsing.

“I got her!” Buck called as he climbed through the rubble and picked the child up, she couldn’t have been more than four, her face red and tear stained as more flooded down her cheeks. “C’mere kid, I gotcha.”

Buck picked the girl up and she went willingly, clinging to Buck’s neck as he walked back over to the pile of rubble blocking the room.

“Hey, I’m gonna pass you to my friend, is that alright? She’s real nice and she’ll take care of you.” Buck murmured to the girl and you couldn’t help but smile as he pried her fingers off him and gently passed her through the gap he had made. “That’s it, you got her.”

Just as you took the girl from him the building gave another violent shake that had you and Buck freezing again, the girl letting out a cry as she buried her head against your coat. This shake was worse than the one earlier and lasted longer and you felt sick to your stomach as you kept your eyes on Buck. Buck went to say something, you could see his mouth opening before he frowned and looked up just as the building shook again and before you could even register what was happening Buck had disappeared from view and where he had stood was now filled with rubble.

You were frozen to the spot for a few seconds before you let out a shuddering breath, head shaking as tears filled your eyes.

“Buck!” You yelled, knowing it was wrong but you placed the girl against the opposite wall and began trying to dig your way through the rubble, desperately calling Buck’s name as you struggled against the heavy pieces of ceiling.

“Buck please, come on!” You sobbed before snatching your radio from your coat and calling for Bobby.

“Y/N, what happened? The two of you need to get out of there now!” Bobby ordered but you shook your head, tears falling down your cheeks as you struggled to breath. “Y/N!”

“Bobby,” You choked out, “Bobby I’ve got a kid here but I can’t, I can’t leave him, Bobby, please.”

You would be surprised if Bobby could make out your words, your breath coming out in quick panicked gasps and you were choking on tears as you let the radio go to keep trying to dig through the rubble, making no progress, every time you moved one piece three more seemed to fill its place.

The radio was silent for a few moments before Bobby’s voice came through again.

“Stay where you are, I'm coming in.” Bobby told you and before the radio cut off you could hear somebody protesting but you didn’t care. Bobby would come in and get the girl and you knew you weren’t leaving without Buck.

The flames were closing in and you knew you didn’t have long left. From below you could hear footsteps and you looked towards the room Buck was trapped in and the flames quickly creeping towards the opening you’d used to get onto this floor.

You picked the girl up again and ran over to the opening, already seeing Bobby, Chimney and Eddie coming towards you, putting out as many of the flames as they could. You were already lowering the girl down and Chimney was quick to grab her but you didn’t stick around after that, you were instantly back at the pile of rubble, gloved hands desperately trying to free Buck.

“Buck, Buck please, please I need you. I can’t lose you, not you.” You sobbed out, pleading with anyone who would listen to just let Buck be ok. There was so much left unsaid between the two of you and you promised yourself you’d tell him everything, you’d tell him you loved him, tell him you didn’t ever want to picture your life without him at your side, you tell him everything if you got the chance to.

You hadn’t even heard Bobby and Eddie join you until you saw their hands dragging rubble away too. The building gave another shake but this time you didn’t freeze, you kept digging, kept pleading, kept sobbing. You needed to get Buck out.

Finally, finally, you managed to get into the room. The ceiling had caved in, crashing down into the room and bringing furniture from upstairs through with it. It was bad but thankfully not bad enough that you couldn’t move around the room. Your eyes found Buck immediately, trapped underneath a piece of rubble, a cut on his head was bleeding and his eyes were closed.

Between the three of you, you managed to free Buck from the rubble, you couldn’t see if he was more injured than just the head wound with the coat covering him but you prayed that he was fine, he had to be because you didn’t know what you’d do if he wasn’t.

The building was shaking now, the foundation ready to crumble and Bobby and Eddie wasted no time in lifting Buck between them and quickly but carefully carried him from the building. Just as Buck was being loaded into the ambulance you heard a rumble and glanced behind you just in time to see the building cave in on itself, the two next to it following in suit.

You didn’t care though, just climbed into the ambulance next to Buck and sat still as you watched the paramedics assess him. Silent tears made their way down your face but you couldn’t stop the choked sob that escaped you when they took his coat off and saw a blood soaked shirt underneath.

The paramedic cut the shirt off to reveal a wound that was still bleeding, the blood seemingly just pouring out. It looked like a piece of the rubble or something else that had fallen through when the ceiling had managed to practically slice him deeply from his stomach across to just above his hip.

“Is he gonna be ok?” You asked and the paramedic shot you a look before getting to work on cleaning and trying to stop the bleeding.

It was still bleeding when you got to the hospital.

They rushed him into surgery as soon as he was out of the ambulance and you followed him into the hospital, told to wait in the waiting room. You didn’t know what you were supposed to do so you did nothing, you stood where they had left you, people moving around you like you were nothing more than a ghost, only able to stand and stare at the doors Buck had been taken behind.

You had no idea how long you stood there, still as a statue with tears falling down your face, but eventually there was a hand on your shoulder. You still didn’t move but you at least registered when Bobby moved to stand in front of you, his own eyes teary but ever the leader he didn’t let them fall, not whilst his team needed him.

“Come on, there’s a room for us to wait in.” Bobby told you softly but you barely heard the words, they sounded like you were underwater, drowning in fear and panic and you could do nothing but wait and see if you’d sink or swim.

Bobby gently took your hand in his and you let him lead you through the halls of the hospital, paying no attention to your surroundings. The rest of the team were already in the room, looking up when you entered but you barely even saw them. Bobby just shook his head and led you to one of the seats, softly pushing you into it before taking the seat next to you.

You didn’t know how long you had sat there, staring ahead but not seeing anything, your thoughts racing, picturing a million and one different scenarios. There were so many things you wanted to say, needed to say. If something happened to Buck, if the worst case scenario happened and he didn’t know you loved him, it would haunt you for the rest of your life.

Bobby’s hand periodically squeezing yours in a gentle but firm grip was the only thing keeping you grounded to reality. Hours passed by without you noticing, no doctors had entered the private waiting room the team had been given. No news was good news though you supposed, it at least meant that Buck was still alive and that was all you could ask for right now.

Eventually though somebody did interrupt the silence, a tired looking doctor entered the room and everyone was immediately on their feet, not daring to breathe as they waited to hear the verdict.

“Mr Buckley made it through the surgery successfully,” the doctor told you all and there was a collective sigh of relief throughout the room, your hand squeezing Bobby’s tightly. “We were able to stop the bleeding and stitch up the wound on his stomach.”

“So he’s going to be ok?” Eddie asked and you felt your heart stop as the doctor was silent for a beat too long. “He’s gonna be ok, right?”

“The wound on the stomach won’t be an issue. It’s the head wound we’re worried about. After taking scans we can see swelling but won’t be able to determine how serious it is until Mr Buckley wakes up.” The doctor said and you felt a fresh wave of tears fill your eyes.

“And when will he wake up?” Bobby asked, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye  before focusing on the man.

“I can’t say for sure, it could be a matter of hours or it could be days.” The doctor informed you honestly and you took a shaky breath, speaking for the first time in hours.

“Can we see him?” You asked, voice cracking on the words and you felt Bobby’s thumb brush along your skin comfortingly.

“I’m afraid only one of you will be allowed in the room with him and visiting hours will be over in an hour.” The doctor said before giving the group directions to Buck’s room and excusing himself.

“Go on then, Y/N/N.” Eddie said, causing you to look over at him with a frown but before you could say anything he spoke again. “He’d want it to be you.”

You were silent for a few moments, looking around at the rest of the team who smiled and nodded at you and you suddenly felt a huge burst of love for these people who had become your family. When you turned to Bobby he smiled softly down at you before giving your hand one last squeeze and letting go.

“Thank you.” You managed to choke out before leaving the room and following the doctor's directions.

You had to pause outside of his room before you could enter, looking in through the window at Buck in the bed. He looked peaceful, he didn't look like he was in pain, paler than he should have been and a line of stitches trailing up into his hairline from his forehead.

You took another shaky breath before forcing your feet forward and into the room, sitting down on the edge of the only chair placed next to the bed and taking Buck’s hand in yours carefully.

“I don’t know if you can even hear me,” You said after a long beat of silence where you could only run your eyes across his features. “But if you can, I really need you to wake up, Buck, because I can’t lose you. You’re the best thing in my life and the thought of you not being here with me-”

You cut yourself of with a choked sob, leaning forward until your forehead rested against your joined hands. For so long it had been you and Buck, inseparable, the closest of friends, never seeing one without the other. Of course in your line of work it was always a possibility that something would happen but you tried to ignore it, until moments like this, until you couldn’t anymore. You knew full well you were all in with Buck, in it until the end, just like how you knew that if you hadn’t been able to get him out of that building before then you wouldn’t have left either.

“You have to come back to me because there’s so much I need to tell you, so much I should have already said but I couldn’t but we don’t know what’s gonna happen and we should take every chance we can to be happy, right? And it’s you Buck, it’s always been you who makes me happy. It’s always been you.” You told him, knowing he couldn’t hear you but still it felt good to say it out loud. “Because I love you, Buck. I knew from the moment I met you that one day it would be love.”

You didn’t say more than that, you couldn’t bring yourself to speak through the tears and quiet sobs. Time seemed to pass too quickly because before you knew it a nurse was knocking on the door, giving you a sympathetic smile as she told you visiting hours were over.

You nodded at her and stood up, wiping at your cheeks and ignoring the way more tears replaced them and instead leaned down to place a kiss to Buck’s cheek, letting yourself linger there for a few seconds before pulling away with a whispered goodbye. Once you left the room you only managed to get to the end of the hallway before your knees gave out and sobs wracked your body.

You never hit the floor though, strong arms wrapped around you and pulled you into a chest, fingers carding through your hair. You couldn’t make out what the voice was saying but you could feel the rumbles. You couldn’t see through the tears but that didn't matter, the arms felt safe and your hand came up to clutch at a shirt.

You didn’t remember moving but you felt yourself being sat down on a chair and brought deeper into a pair of arms. You couldn’t say how long you sat like that for before the sobs turned into shuddering breaths and the world started to come back to you.

“There you go, that’s it, just breathe.” The voice was saying and you pushed away from the chest when you recognised it as Bobby’s voice. “You’re ok, take it easy.”

“What are you still doing here?” You managed to choke out, voice hoarse from how much crying you’d done today.

“I wasn’t going to leave you alone. I already called Athena and told her I’d be staying with you tonight, you wouldn’t mind the company would you?” Bobby asked and again you felt so much love fill you because you had no doubt that if it wasn’t Bobby insisting on being her for you it would be one of the others.

“Thank you.” You told him sincerely, nodding your head whilst desperately trying to choke back more tears. “Seriously Bobby, thank you.”

“It’s what families are for.” Bobby shrugged like it was no big deal but both of you knew how meaningful it was, this team who had become a family, who loved each other so deeply meant everything.

Since you’d rode in the ambulance and Bobby had followed behind in the truck, Bobby ordered the two of you an Uber, waiting outside in the cool air for it to arrive. It wasn’t long before you were home, taking a shower because the smell of smoke and fire clung to your skin.

It felt wrong to be here when Buck was still at the hospital, he should be here with you, but there was nothing more you could do tonight. Tomorrow you’d be back at his side bright and early until you were forced to leave again but for right now you let Bobby gently push you onto the couch and press a warm mug into your hands.

It went on like that for days, you were at the hospital every day and Bobby sorted the time off for you back at the station. You didn’t think you could pull yourself back to work if you tried, the thought of doing the job without Buck at your side was unthinkable.

Bobby had taken to picking you up every night from the hospital, it was an unspoken arrangement, you just left Buck’s room and the man was always there waiting for you. Each night he took you to his and Athena’s, who welcomed you with open arms and a warm meal that they both made sure you ate, knowing full well you weren't eating at the hospital.

It was on the fifth day that things changed, two days after hearing doctors murmur about their concerns of Buck not waking up yet, five days of sitting at Buck’s side for hours on end, talking away about anything and everything just to fill the silence.

On the fifth day you entered Buck’s room the minute the hospital allowed visitors and took up your regular seat, taking his hand in yours before placing a soft kiss to the back of his. It was how you started every morning visit. The first few hours nothing happened and then just after twelve you heard a groan fall from Buck’s lips, your head snapping up at the noise.

You stared at Buck, wide eyed and not daring to blink as if it would ruin any chance of him waking up. It took a while but you watched as Buck’s face scrunched up before he swallowed heavily, tilting his head to the side and shifting to get comfortable before he finally managed to force his eyes open.

When he saw you you were already crying, silent tears trailing down your cheeks as you smiled at him in relief.

“What happened?” Buck managed to slur out before he started coughing with how dry his throat felt and you wasted no time pouring water into a cup and holding it to Buck’s lips. “Are you ok?”

You couldn’t help but laugh softly at the question, here Buck was finally waking up after five days of recovering, stitches on his head and stomach after being crushed by rubble and he was asking if you were ok.

God, you loved him.

“Are you ok?” You asked instead, watching as his lips twitched upwards. “Are you in pain? Should I get a doctor? I should definitely get a doctor.”

You went to stand but Buck stopped you, tightening his grip on your hand and keeping you in place. You turned back to face him and that’s when you saw it. It was the look, the one the others kept telling you about, the one with soft eyes filled with love and adoration, the one with a smile that to most people wouldn’t seem particularly special but if you knew what you were looking for you could see it was so important. It was the look and you were finally seeing it, you couldn’t convince yourself you were looking into it too much, couldn’t convince yourself your mind was playing tricks on you because it was right in front of you and it was beautiful.

“Don’t go.” Buck murmured, his voice hoarse and not able to go above a whisper but you heard the plea clearly anyway. “Just…just stay with me.”

“Nowhere else I’d rather be.” You told him honestly, squeezing his hand and not able to look away from his face.

Eventually you were able to snap yourself out of trance you regularly seemed to get lost in around Buck, long enough so that you could fill him in on what had happened and how long he’d be out of it. As you spoke Buck never lost that soft look, never once let his eyes wander away from you and it took all your strength to bite your tongue and not tell Buck how you felt.

Until you realised that you didn’t have to do that anymore. You had promised yourself you’d tell Buck and maybe half an hour after he’d woken up from a five day slumber wasn’t the best time but suddenly you felt the overwhelming urge to do it, feeling like you couldn’t wait another day.

“What’s wrong?” Buck asked, his attention solely on you so he noticed the shift in your features, the slight crease in between your eyebrows, the way your head tilted as you looked at him but your mind was clearly somewhere else.

“I thought you were gonna die.” You forced out around the sudden lump in your throat, frown deepening because those weren’t the words you meant to say. “I thought you were gonna die and I was so scared. Once that rubble came down so did so many regrets, so many things I wanted to tell you but I was too scared to but then you were gone and I needed you to know them because you couldn’t die without knowing.”

“Knowing what?” Buck asked softly, already guessing where this was going, already feeling warmth spreading through his chest at the chance that you felt the same way he had, that he hadn’t been pining alone.

“Without knowing that seeing you is the highlight of my day, without knowing that any day I let pass without talking to you, it just isn’t a good day. Without knowing how deeply I care about you, without knowing that I trust you more than anyone, that I’d follow you wherever you went. You were lying here and I didn’t know if you were going to wake up and the one thing above everything that I needed you to know is that I am so in love with you.” You told him, not taking your eyes off him and watching his face soften even more if it were possible, watching as his eyes watered slightly but he managed to keep any tears from falling.

“Y/N,” he breathed out, unable to say anything for a moment but you weren’t worried, you didn’t take it as a bad sign, you couldn’t, not now that you’d seen that look.

You had to curse yourself slightly because how had you missed that look, it had been years of Buck looking at you like that and you’d missed it. If you had seen that look so long ago any questions regarding Buck’s feelings for you would have been an open-shut case, you would have known from the look on his face that he wanted you as much as you wanted him.

“I’ve wanted to hear that for so long, wanted to tell you that for so long because it’s true, I love you more than I thought I could love anyone. For so long I didn’t think I was capable of loving somebody like I love you, I thought I was too messed up from everything. But then I met you and, Y/N/N I knew from the moment I met you that you were going to be so important. I should have told you years ago but I couldn’t see how somebody like you could feel the same way. But I love you, Y/N, I love you so, so much.” Buck told you, the two of you smiling at each other with matching grins, so happy it was almost too much but you both basked in the feeling.

And everyone was right, nothing changed when the two of you started dating. You came into work together and left together, you stayed over at each other's places until you had found yourself all but moved into Buck’s place already and it just became second nature to call his place home. The only difference was now there were no secret feelings, no wishful, longing glances. Now you could say that’s my man and Buck could take your hand in his, now you kissed Buck whenever you wanted just because you could and neither of you took a day together for granted, not when you had spent so many years pining where you could have been together so now you made sure to savour each day.

Evan ‘Buck’ Buckley Taglist (Click the link in my bio to add yourself!) 

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Thank you so much for reading!🤎

Get Out Of Here (Not Without You)

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Prompt - “I need you to trust me, there’s no time to explain,  just do everything I say and you’ll be safe.”

When you had first moved to Boston you knew then and there you knew your life would change, accepted into one of the top schools on a full ride scholarship, leaving your small town behind and being the first in your family to make such a huge decision. Of course you hadn’t quite expected how drastically your life would change, you hadn’t expected to be sat in your dorm room working on a paper that seemed so important at the time listening to soft music in the background before the radio to cut out abruptly with an emergency broadcast telling you to stay inside, hadn’t expected the flat hum of the phone as it refused to dial any number.

You still remembered those early days, sitting alone in your dorm room with no information on what was happening. You remembered the first bomb dropping, remembered how, even though it was far away, your whole room seemed to shake and you stood from your bed abruptly to run over to your window just in time to see the next bomb. You still didn’t know how you’d survived that but eventually you had to leave your room and that’s when you saw them, or more realistically it saw you first, its head cracking over in your direction before the rest of its body followed and you ran until your chest hurt.

You’d gotten lucky, you’d found one of the quarantine zones in the first month of the government having set them up, you’d been in here long enough to hear people’s horror stories of having to walk for miles, days on end, just to get here, heard how they had narrowly escaped the clickers. You’d only ever seen a handful of them and that had been in the first month of the outbreak, you couldn’t even imagine how they had evolved in the many, many years you’d been in these walls.

It seemed strange at first, hell sometimes it still felt strange, how the world in these walls never seemed to change. Here you were with jobs that provided ration cards, an apartment, if it weren’t for all the guards it’d be easy to forget about the outbreak.

Sometimes you were curious though, you’d stop counting how many years it had been since you first walked into the quarantine zone but it was long enough for you to forget what the outside world looked like. You’d heard stories about what they called the Open City but each one was even more unbelievable than the last, headless clicker roaming the streets, dead that had been set on fire still moving, hordes of them attached to each other as they made their way through the city.

You wanted to go outside, it’s not like you wanted to go very far either but it’d be good to remember what the old world looked like, to remember that beyond these worlds you once had a life, a life that was so different from this.

You had a gun stashed away underneath your floorboards, you remembered how fast the dead things moved all those years ago but it was a risk you wanted to take and there was only one person in the quarantine zone you knew that snuck in and out.

“Joel-” You started to argue but he cut you off before you could even begin.

“Don’t.” Joel said, shutting you down immediately, not even entertaining the idea for a second. “What makes you think I’d ever say yes to takin’ you out there?”

“I’d be with you, Joel, I’d be safe.” You insisted and watched as his face hardened and somehow felt like you’d said the complete wrong thing.

“I can’t keep you safe, Y/N! When I go out there I don’t have to give a damn about anyone else, if I take you out there-” Joel cut himself off as he sat heavily on the sofa and glared at you. “Don’t ask me again.”

“But Joel-” You tried again only to be cut off for a second time.

“What did I just say?” He snapped and you rolled your eyes as you sat down next to him, arms crossed over your chest and definitely not pouting. “Why you so desperate to get yourself killed anyway?”

“Why are you so damn sure I'll get myself killed?” You shot back before sighing and sinking further into the sofa. “I just, I don’t know, ok? Part of me just needs to see the outside world, it’s been so long. I know it’s dangerous, trust me I get it-”

“You don’t get it, Y/N/N.” Joel interrupted you again but this time his voice was softer as he leaned back into the cushions and turned his head towards. “There’s shit out there you don’t need to see, alright?”

“I wanna go outside, Joel.” You told him, lowering your voice to match his, not demanding anything but just repeating it. “I know it’s dangerous and I know I’m asking you to risk a lot but I really want to see outside the walls at least once more in my life.”

“There’s nothing good out there, not anymore.” Joel told you honestly and you nodded, you believed him, the second those bombs fell from the sky it felt like everything good had been taken with them. “You’re safe in here, Y/N, just…just stay in the walls.”

Despite Joel’s warnings you found yourself only a few nights later waiting until the guards’ shifted positions before you were sneaking out, knowing the way through information Joel had let slip across the years. It took a long time, there were a few close calls where you had to be as quiet as possible, but eventually you could see an opening to the city.

By the time you were out of view of the quarantine zone it was too dark to see much of anything, a strange feeling when years ago you had walked Boston’s streets at all hours of night and the streets had been lit up from streetlights, the lights from cars still out at that time, lights spilling out of bars and apartments.

The first thing you noticed was how quiet it was, the stories you’d heard made it seem like the streets would be filled with monsters, you unable to move past them, but the streets sounded empty and so did the building you entered, you weren’t sure how well you’d sleep out in the open city but you were going to hide away until the morning and explore as much as you could before sneaking back into the quarantine zone.

It was surprisingly easy to fall asleep that night and when you woke up the next morning to the sunlight on your face you felt a burst of excitement. Last night it had been far too dark to see anything and you knew you only had a few hours of daylight. It wasn’t long before you were up, double checking your backpack and making sure your gun was loaded before you were pulling the door open, waiting a moment to see if you could hear anything, and heading out into the city.

You paused in the doorway of whatever building you had entered last night and stared out, frozen in disbelief. Skyscrapers had collapsed, some falling into each other whereas others had crumbled into piles of rubble. Greenery covered almost everything in sight and you couldn’t help but notice how the world had never seemed so green before the outbreak, maybe you just couldn’t remember but the city had never felt so full of nature.

As you walked further into the city you saw all the cars, ambulances, police cars, all of them dusty and long since dead, covered with leaves and moss. Your stomach turned as you saw a stuffed bear laying abandoned on the floor, looking up to see a kid’s car seat bloody in the car. You forced your feet to move, surprised at how easy it was to walk through the city, there wasn’t a clicker in sight, you’d been walking for a good hour, making your way through streets and buildings to get to the other side when the way was blocked and other than seeing dead bodies you hadn’t seen much else.

You finally came across a building you remembered, it was the library. In the year you’d lived in Boston you had practically lived in this building, could still remember the text books littering your table as you wrote your papers. To see it now was strange, it was long abandoned and the building had its fair share of greenery growing around it.

You hadn’t even taken five steps into the building, eyes wide as you looked around, when you let out a scream, the sound muffled as a hand wrapped around your mouth and an arm wrapped around your middle, trapping both your arms to your side and stopping you from getting your gun.

“And you're dead.” You heard a voice hiss in your ear before you were shoved away, barely staying upright as you stumbled and turned around.

Joel was stood before you, gun slung around his shoulders as he glared at you and you glared right back even as your breath came out quick and fast and your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest.

“What the hell Joel?” You shouted, stepping forward to push at his chest but he caught your wrist and pulled you close.

“Me?” He questioned in disbelief and tightened his grip as you tried to pull away. “What the hell are you thinking? Clearly you’re not! Jesus Y/N, you could’ve got yourself killed.”

“I asked you to bring me and you didn’t-”

“Don’t you dare put this on me.” Joel told you, his voice cold as he continued to glare at you. “If you die, that shit ain’t on me.”

You knew Joel was only shutting down on you because you had scared him, he liked to think he had his walls up but you’d known him for years at this point and you could read him as easily as you could your favourite book.

Joel hadn’t exactly been looking for friends when you’d met him working the same job but you had been persistent and before he knew it you had wormed your way into his life, even after he swore not to let anyone else in, he couldn’t go through another heartache. At first he kept his distance, refused to answer any questions about his life before but eventually he started letting you in, there was still a lot you didn’t know about his life before but then again the people you were before the outbreak were whole different people so you didn’t mind.

At some point it became second nature to spend all your time with Joel, it was rare to see you without each other and you weren’t surprised when you started liking the man. Joel had been cold and gruff when you had first met him, most people took one look at the man and decided it wasn’t worth the energy it would take to break through that hardened exterior but you hadn’t even given it a second thought, hadn’t been concerned with how long it’d take him to relax around you, you liked cold Joel, he snapped and glared but you liked him.

“Joel,” You began, bringing your other hand up to his, brushing your thumb across his knuckles before pulling his fingers off your wrist, Joel not resisting and you figured maybe he was calming down now that he had you in his sights. “I’m sorry, ok? I know this isn’t a game, I know it’s dangerous but I had to see.”

“Yeah I know you did.” Joel sighed and brought his hand back up to cup the back of your head as he pulled you into his chest and you didn’t hesitate to cuddle into him, finally feeling your heart rate settle. “Is it what you thought it’d be?”

“It’s quieter than I thought,” you told him, pulling back only far enough so that you look up at him questioningly. “It’s weird too, I remember the streets were never quiet and now it’s deadly silent. I remember being in here during exam season and every seat was filled, even if people didn’t speak there was always noise, the turning of a book, somebody coughing, the scratching of pen against paper. The world really ended Joel.”

“You’re alright.” Joel assured as he pulled you back into his chest, wrapping his other arm around your shoulder and it was only then you noticed the tears slipping down your cheeks. It had hit you long ago, the reality of the world, but seeing it again after years of comfortable living seemed to shake you more than you thought it would. “You’re alright, Y/N/N.”

You nodded against his chest and wrapped your arms around his waist, taking a deep breath as you composed yourself. It wasn’t long before you were pulling back and looking around the library. Chairs and tables had been flipped, books and loose pages scattered across the floor whilst leaves and moss covered most of the surfaces.

“We should go.” Joel murmured but you shook your head, turning to look back at him with pleading eyes and he sighed before you could even speak. “One look around and then we go, stay close to me.”

“Thank you, Joel.” You said softly after a moment of silence and watched as he swallowed before he nodded at you and gestured for you to follow him.

Your fingers lightly traced the book shelves, somehow even after twenty years you were still able to find your way around, old, worn signs telling you you had remembered right.

“I used to study back here all the time, me and my friends would work on our papers and prepare for finals.” You told Joel and out of the corner of your eyes you saw him smile softly at you. “Back then it had seemed so important, you know? Like passing those exams or getting the best marks on our papers was the difference between life and death.” You chuckled as you ran your hands along a chair. “God, looking back now we were so stupid.”

“Nobody knew this shit was comin’.” Joel told you and you nodded, looking over at him to see him leant against a bookcase that looked ready to give out.

“It doesn’t even seem real, that life all those years ago.” You frowned as you moved around the table to go down another aisle and Joel nodded, opening his mouth to say something else before you interrupted.

“Oh my god!” You exclaimed, stumbling back into Joel’s chest and he didn’t hesitate to shove you behind him, gun raised before he saw a body on the floor, blood covering him and his chest practically torn apart. “What the hell-”

“Shh.” Joel shushed you, turning around to face you even as his wide eyes focused on everything but you, like he was looking for something.

“Joel-” You whispered but he shushed you again and you felt genuine fear fill you, your stomach dropped and you blood ran cold as you went to look around but Joel stopped you.

“Eyes on me, baby.” He murmured, keeping his voice soft and low, barely audible and you didn’t even have time to appreciate how good him calling you baby sounded as you took a deep breath and turned back to Joel with wide, scared eyes. “I need you to trust me, there’s no time to explain, just do everything I say and you’ll be safe.”

“Joel,” You whimpered and Joel cupped your cheek, bringing your foreheads together as he shushed you once more.

“I know you’re scared, baby, I know,” Joel whispered and you felt your eyes fill with tears. Joel was looking back at you and though he tried to hide it you could see he was scared and if something scared Joel you knew it had to be bad. “We have to be silent now, no more talking, trust me, I’m gonna get you home.”

You nodded and Joel wiped away the single tear that slid down your cheek, before he placed a soft kiss to your forehead and pulled away.

‘Stay behind me.’ Joel mouthed at you and you nodded, practically gluing yourself to his back as he moved, both of you stopping dead in your tracks as an inhuman sound came from behind one of the book cases. You felt your heart stutter as you looked at Joel but his focus was on the direction the noise came from before he turned to look at you.

‘Quiet.’ He reminded you and you nodded, biting your lip hard enough to draw blood to stop any sound from escaping. He tilted his head and you nodded again, keeping half a step behind him as you held your breath.

Just as you turned a corner you gasped but Joel turned and managed to cover your mouth just in time like he had been expecting the reaction. In front of you was, you couldn’t even describe it, it was monstrous, how that had once been human was mind blowing. Tears slid down your cheeks as Joel kept your mouth covered and the thing made its way towards the two of you causing you to screw your eyes shut.

You looked up at Joel when he tapped your cheek and Joel made a gesture where he pointed towards the clicker before he covered his eyes and mouthed ‘they can’t see’ before pointing to his ear ‘they go off sound’. You nodded and Joel removed his hand, watching how your face scrunched up in an effort to slow the tears and suppress any sobs.

He had to get you out of here, it was the only thought in his head as he kept himself between you and the clicker, making sure each step was silent. You’d managed a good few steps before the thing stopped dead in its tracks and turned sharply to face you and you couldn’t stop the sharp intake of breath, that was enough for the thing to launch itself at the two of you.

Joel barely caught it, keeping his arm under its chin to avoid being bitten as he tried to get a good shot on his gun whilst also keeping one eye on you.

“Get out of here!” He yelled at you and he could see you frozen in fear. “Y/N, baby, you gotta go now!”

“I can’t leave you!” You called back and the clicker responded to the noise, trying to fight its way to you but Joel kept his grip on it somehow.

“Y/N I promise I’ll be right behind you!” He grunted as he tried to force the clicker back. “You gotta go!”

You waited another second before nodding and he watched you go with a sigh of relief, finally able to throw the clicker to the side. It only stayed on the floor for a second before it snapped back up and lunged at Joel.

Joel shot at it four times, each time missing its head with how much it was moving. Joel managed to shove it back down on the floor and shoot its chest before running the way you had gone, hiding behind one of the book cases and keeping as silent as possible. In the distance he saw you crouched behind one of the tables and took a silent breath as he peered around to see where the clicker was, the thing was up again and moving through the aisles, thankfully going the other way.

Joel stayed silent as he made his way over to you and saw you with your knees drawn to your chest and your eyes screwed shut. He lightly touched your knee and silently shushed you as your eyes flew open.

He pointed to where the clicker had walked off to and saw the gun clutched in your hands, gently prying it from you and seeing how much ammo you had.

‘You, go out the door, wait.’ He mouthed to you, motioning between you and the door before he watched as you shook your head. He nodded back at you before pointing to himself, raising the two guns he held. ‘I’ll distract it, you go.’

‘Joel,’ you mouthed and he could practically hear your pleading town as more tears slid down your cheeks. ‘I’m sorry.’

Joel just shook his head, you weren’t doing this now, right now he had to get you out of here and then he would deal with everything else. You weren’t going to die today, he wouldn’t let it happen.

‘Go baby.’ He mouthed and gestured for the door, watching as you took a breath, your mouth thinning into a line as you choked back sobs before you nodded at him. He cupped your cheek and you brought your hand up to his, hesitating for a moment before leaning forward.

It wasn’t exactly a kiss, both of you were too focused on being silent for it to be more than a brushing of your lips together but Joel pulled you closer anyway and held you against him for a second longer before he pulled back and brushed his thumb across your cheek bone.

‘Go.’ He mouthed again and this time you nodded more confidently as you stood silently and Joel followed after you, the two of you parting ways so Joel could grab the clicker before it got to you.

He knew how fast these things moved and if he had gone with you the door wouldn’t have even been able to open before it was attacking you, at least this way he could be sure you were out of the door and far away from this damn thing.

The two of you looked at each other and Joel nodded at you, he watched you take a breath before your hand touch the door knob and turned it, the sound causing the clicker to let out a loud noise that had Joel lunging for it before it could take more than a step in your direction. He wrestled the thing, trying to shove it as far away from the door as possible and out of the corner of his eye he watched as you left, finally able to breathe a sigh of relief as he focused on the clicker.

It felt like hours before Joel managed to shove it to the floor, sweat pooling at his forehead as he shot both guns, using up all the rounds before he watched the thing finally lay lifeless, not movements coming from it. He took a moment to lean against the wall and catch his breath before he turned his head to the door.

After a few more seconds he made his way out of the building and scanned the area for you, frowning when he didn’t see you but the frown left as you peaked your head out from behind a car. In a few large steps Joel was pulling you into his chest and you were sobbing as you held onto him like he was your life line.

Joel’s hand rested on the back of your head as he held you up, his arms holding you close to him and he could feel your fingers digging into his back as you choked out apologies. Joel just kept shushing you as you continued to apologise, he knew he needed to move the two of you, he had no ammo left and the dark was starting to set in but he wanted to make sure you were ok first.

“Hey,” Joel said, pulling back and tilting your chin so you could look at him, he didn’t speak as he wiped gently at your cheeks, leaving his hands there as he spoke. “You have nothing to apologise for, alright? You needed to see for yourself what it was like out here, I get it Y/N/N, I do but you’re alright, I promise.”

“I should’ve listened to you Joel.” You sniffed and he smiled softly at you.

“You got an idea in your head, I should’ve known there was no stopping you.” He said and you let out a wet chuckle. “I’m not mad at you, we’re both alright.” Those words made your eyes widen and you pulled back abruptly causing him to frown.

“Are you?” You asked, tugging his sleeves up and inspecting it for bites before moving the collar of his shirt and checking there too. Joel chuckled as he caught your wrists in his hands, more gently than he had earlier and shushed you.

“I’m okay, promise.” He told you and your eyes ran up and down him before you sagged in relief, trusting that he’d tell you if he wasn’t. “Now will you please let me get you home?”

“Please.” You practically begged and Joel smiled softly at you before gesturing for you to follow him though there was no need to really, Joel’s arm was still wrapped around your shoulder and you had practically attached yourself to his side.

It was well into the night by the time the two of you got home, having Joel with you made it easier to sneak in and it wasn’t long before you were quietly entering his apartment. The walk home had been mostly silent, your thoughts running a mile a minute and Joel content with the silence and the feeling of you in his arms to tell him you were ok, that you were alive.

“Go clean up and change.” Joel told you as he closed the door and set his backpack down before moving to take yours off for you and then gently pulling your jacket off.

You didn’t say anything, just smiled over at him before moving into his bedroom and pulling out one of his shirts before shuffling into the bathroom. It was only a few moments later he heard the shower running and let himself collapse into the sofa, suddenly feeling drained now that he had gotten you back to safety.

He knew you were too damn curious for your own good, knew that you needed to see the world for yourself. He should have known you’d have gone out there with or without him, hell some part of him had known and that’s why he checked your apartment at five in the morning before marching back to his room and packing his gun, desperately hoping you hadn’t gone and got yourself killed.

Any of the initial anger he had felt seeing you gone had worn off long before he found you and now he could only feel relief. He knew you were terrified, the last time you had seen clickers up close was when the outbreak started, you’d told him about the bombs in the city and being scared at how fast the things were but this was different, this was twenty years of evolution.

Joel sighed and lay down on the sofa, throwing an arm over his eyes. You were fine, the clicker hadn’t gotten near you and he had got you home safe. He could hear the shower running and knew you’d be out any minute, dressed in his shirt and ready to fall asleep in his arms.

That thought sent his mind back to the kiss. God, it hadn’t even been more than a small brushing of the lips but God, it had left him breathless. He knew you liked him, he wasn’t stupid. At this point you had practically moved into his apartment, the two of you spent more nights asleep together in his bed than you’d slept in your own bed since being here. He just couldn’t put himself in a position to get hurt again but today had shown him how even if he went the rest of his life without telling you how he felt he knew if anything happened to you it’d kill him, so why not at least make the most of the time he had with you.

He didn’t mean to drift off, one second he was just resting his eyes and the next he was blinking awake when he felt something shift next to him. He forced his eyes open and looked down to see you had pushed yourself into the small space between him and the sofa, your body more on him really, and a blanket thrown over the two of you. Your hand gently ran across his chest before you lay it flat against him and cuddled into him.

Joel brought his arm around you and you glanced up at him with tired eyes but still smiled at him and he couldn’t help but return the gesture before he placed a soft kiss to your head.

“Go to sleep, baby.” He murmured and watched as your smile widened, eyes lighting up now that you were safe and could enjoy the way the pet name sounded coming from Joel’s lips.

“Does you calling me baby mean you’re ready to tell me you love me?” You asked, tone light and joking so that Joel didn’t freak out.

“Sure does.” Joel said back, your eyes widening and smile dropping when his tone stayed even and serious, his lips twitching upwards as he looked at your expression. He had thought on the way home how he could tell you and hadn’t come up with anything but you had given him an opening and he decided it didn’t need to be a big deal. He knew how he felt about you and now you knew too. “Go to sleep, baby.”

“Yeah,” You said, still looking up at him in disbelief before your lips pulled into a wide smile and you reached up to cup his cheek before pulling him into a kiss.

The angle wasn’t great for it but that didn’t matter as Joel kissed you back, the kiss soft but filled with lots of pent up emotions but there was no rush, the two of you were home and safe and had each other and plenty of time.

When Joel pulled away he couldn’t help but smile down at you, your eyes stayed closed for a few seconds longer before they fluttered open and you smiled back at him.

“God baby, I’ve wanted to do that for years.” Joel told you, causing you to laugh because he could have done that years ago and you wouldn’t have had any complaints. Despite how badly Joel wanted to keep kissing you, hell he could have spent the whole night like that quite happily, he could see the tiredness in your eyes and could feel his own exhaustion pulling at him so instead he pulled you into his chest and wrapped the blanket around you both tightly before pressing a lingering kiss to your head.

“Get some rest now, baby.” He murmured into your hair and felt you nod against his chest, fingers curling into his shirt as you let your eyes fall closed.

The room was silent except for the sounds of your breathing and Joel had thought you had drifted off until you spoke again, your voice was soft, barely above a whisper but you needed to say it before you fell asleep.

“I love you too.” Joel grinned down at you and kissed your head again, whispering the words back once more before he finally felt you relax fully against him as you fell asleep.

He found it quite easy to follow after you, heart light as the confessions were finally out in the open after years of skilfully avoiding talking about your feelings. His fears from earlier were gone now that you were home and safe in his arms and he swore to himself he would protect you from whatever else the world threw your way.

__________

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Right Decision

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Prompt -  “You came along and you changed everything.”

You weren’t like this. You weren’t the kind of person to be tongue tied around somebody, the type to become flustered and foolish around somebody. It wasn’t who you were, not when you had learnt so long ago the dangers of letting somebody in, of caring about somebody. You had to look out for yourself, even if it meant shutting yourself off from every possible connection out there.

You’d spent years running, sure the Empire had been defeated but there were still whispers of it throughout the galaxy and there was still a price on your head. You didn’t know just who was issuing bounties on any of the remaining Jedi but somebody was and you knew you could never stop running, could never stop long enough to fall in love.

So how you ended up in a small town way out in the middle of nowhere was beyond you. It had only been a pitstop, your ship had broken down not too far away and you cursed the sea of sand cutting you off from civilization, or whatever counted as civilization on Tatooine. 

You had walked for hours, the suns of Tatooine were especially unkind to you and by the time you stumbled across the small town you were exhausted and dehydrated but you pushed all of that down when a young kid with his hand on his holster stood before you. You barely suppressed the eye roll you felt, he was an easy target, you could have sent him to the floor without a second thought but before you could another man approached him, coming out from one of the buildings.

“Now that ain’t anyway to treat a lady,” The man said to the kid and you watched as his hand dropped from his hip as he turned to the man. “Run along now, I’ve got this.”

You watched as the kid nodded before he ran off to a group of people not too far down, leaving you alone with the man. The first thing you noticed about him, the thing that had your hands twitching down to your hidden lightsaber, was the Mandalorian armour he wore. Then the second thing you noticed was the red scarf around his neck, here you were struggling against the two suns beating down on you and this man had a scarf around him as though he might catch a chill.

“You look like you could use a drink, little miss.” He said and you raised an eyebrow at him but he just grinned at you and gestured you towards the saloon he had come from. 

Your steps were hesitant but the man was right, you did need a drink desperately and it wasn’t long before you were chugging something cold from a tall glass, the man refilling it two times more before you felt like you could talk without tasting sand.

“So what brings you to little old Mos Pelgo?” The man asked you and you let your hands settle around the freshly filled glass, running your fingers along the rim. 

Just because the town was well away from any other civilization, just because nobody had attacked you yet didn’t mean they wouldn’t. The man before you was wearing Mandalorian armour for Force sake, you knew the bounty hunters wouldn’t hesitate to take you in for enough credits, no matter what sort of life it condemned you to. 

And yet the man across from you was looking at you so warmly, his smile relaxed and friendly, his hands resting on the table where you could see them and far away from the gun strapped to his thigh. Years earlier you might have trusted him straight away, might have offered some information about your life to him, maybe see if the Mandalorian could offer you any help but it wasn’t years ago. It was years after, so many years since you had been that naive, trusting kid and instead you had lost everything.

No matter how kind he seemed you couldn’t trust him, you would find what you needed to fix your ship and leave and never think of this place again.

That was the way of your life after all.

“Just passing through.” You told him shortly and he raised an eyebrow at you, seemingly amused at how standoffish you were, leaning further back into his seat.

“Not many people just pass through this part of Tatooine.” He said and you could hear the amusement in his tone.

“My ship broke down, I’m just looking for parts.” You said and he nodded, sitting up and leaning forward.

“Not sure how much good Mos Pelgo will do you in way of parts but I’m sure we can manage something for a pretty thing like yourself.” He said charmingly, winking at you and you just about managed to suppress both the eye roll and the smile that threatened to pull at your lips, settling on an unimpressed look that had him grinning at you. 

“I’ll be on my way soon enough.” You promised him and at that moment you had truly planned on making good on that promise, especially when the man’s smile turned soft and he assured you there was no rush, so long as you were good to his people you were welcome to stay as long as you wanted. 

That night, after the man introduced himself as Cobb Vanth, he had offered you his sofa as a place of rest, telling you most folk already had places set up in Mos Pelgo and they didn’t get visitors often enough to set a place up. You had wearily accepted the offer, fully prepared to defend yourself should the marshal try anything. 

He hadn’t though, other than being overly charming and flirtatious Cobb had been nothing but good to you. At his home he offered you some food and showed you where the fresher was. Once you had finished up he leant you a shirt that hung around your thighs and had set up the sofa for you, pillows and soft blankets ready for you. 

You had truly only meant to spend a night or two, only staying long enough to get parts for your ship. Yet somehow before you knew it four months had passed and you were still in that same small town, still sleeping on Cobb’s, surprisingly comfortable, sofa. 

You knew attachments were wrong and not in the way the Jedi had once believed, no they were wrong because they never lead to anything good. They always ended badly, ended with you alone and yet for some reason you couldn’t leave Mos Pelgo, you settled down and made friends, you helped around the town, Cobb had been impressed with your skills with a blaster and offered you a place at his side, not that much trouble occurred in Mos Pelgo. 

Staying went against everything you believed and then one day it suddenly became clear why you stayed. It was an unassuming, uneventful day and the suns of Tatooine were harsh. Even after all your months on the planet you had never quite gotten used to those suns and took refuge in Cobb’s house.

That was until your comm went off and Cobb sent a message about a potential problem. You grabbed your blaster before pausing and sparing a look at your bag that sat in the corner of the room, hidden inside it was your lightsaber and you debated whether to take it. It had stayed forgotten in your bag since the day you arrived in Mos Pelgo, though you trusted Cobb, even more so when he told you he wasn’t a real Mandalorian but just a man with the amour who wanted to protect his people, you didn’t share who you truly were.

Nobody could know.

With a sigh you left your lightsaber, you were skilled with a blaster but you would trade it for your lightsaber any day. Blasters were tasteless and using the lightsaber, being at one with the Force was a feeling you missed dearly but it was safer this way. You weren’t just putting yourself in danger anymore but anyone who knew would surely become a victim in an effort to get to you should the wrong person find out.

It was barely a minute's walk from Cobb’s place to the saloon, in a town this small everything was within walking distance of each other. You stayed by the door for a moment, Taanti glanced over at you and gave you a look of confusion that had you frowning before he gestured over to the table and as you took a step inside you frowned when you saw Cobb sat at a table and a Mandalorian stood opposite him.

Your first thought was to turn and run, to get as far from Mos Pelgo as you could but you couldn’t leave Cobb to deal with your mess. No, if the bounty hunter wanted to take you, you would give him a fight.

“I figure only one of us is walking out of here.” Cobb said and you frowned, feeling like you’d missed an important piece in the conversation and stepped into the room, Cobb smiling over at you as you stood at his side, hand ready on your blaster.

Cobb didn’t look spooked by the Mandalorian but then again you had never seen him worried about much, he did a good enough job at hiding his feelings but you knew better. He projected his thoughts loudly and you heard everything he hid.

“But then I see the little guy,” Cobb said and you frowned before you followed to where he was pointing. “And I think, maybe I pegged you wrong.”

Whatever else was spoken between the Mandalorian and Cobb was blocked out, completely silenced as you stared at the little green child who stared back at you. He was strong in the Force, strong enough for you to be taken aback, you hadn’t felt anyone that strong for a long time.

It had been so long since you had met another of your kind, well maybe not exactly my kind but the kids a Jedi. Maybe this Mandalorian wasn’t here for you then, maybe as far as he was concerned you were just a regular old human. He hadn’t spared you so much as a glance since you’d entered the saloon, though it was tricky to tell with that helmet.

You had heard thoughts through the Force before but somehow it still startled you as the kids’ murmurs translated into real words in your head and you couldn’t stop the huff of disbelief that left you, taking an unconscious step towards the kid.

“Y/N, you good, sweetheart?” Cobb asked but the words barely registered as you took another step towards the kid, his words, choppy as they were, speaking of the Mandalorian and how they were good, asking if you were the same, all filtering into your head.

The kid took steps towards you and when you met halfway you fell to your knees, the kid immediately climbing into your lap, speaking about how the Mandalorian was good again. You could only stare at him before the Mandalorian himself spoke up.

“What are you doing?” He asked, closer to you than he had been before and you finally snapped back to reality, jumping at his voice before turning to look at him.

Cobb stood behind him, any tension between them seemingly vanished as you sat with the kid. The kid spoke into your head again, his soft noises turning to words, telling you to tell the Mandalorian you were good.

“How did you find him?” You asked instead, looking into the helmet.

“You know his kind?” The Mandalorian shot back instead of answering, crouching down in front of the two of you. 

“Yes.” Was all you said, already knowing you had given too much away by approaching the kid. From behind the Mandalorian you saw Cobb looking down at you with a frown, his confusion strong in the Force.

“Can you help him? I wanted to find another Mandalorian to help me discover what he is, to help me return him to his people.” The Mandalorian told you and you frowned. 

There weren’t many Jedi left in the galaxy, not after Vader’s reign. There were plenty of Force sensitive individuals but not actual trained Jedi, not enough of you left for the child to be returned too.

“Who are you supposed to return him to?” You asked quietly, frowning as you looked down at the kid in your lap who was still murmuring away, seemingly happy to have somebody who understood him.

You let him ramble away in your hand as you turned back to the Mandalorian. 

“I don’t know. I only know that he is to be reunited with his kind, except I don’t know who that is. Can you help?” The man pleaded with you and you didn’t need him to remove his helmet to be able to see his expression clear as day, you could feel his desperation through the Force, truly having the child’s best interest in his heart. “I will be forever in your debt.”

The silence stretched for a long moment, at least out loud it did, in your head the kid was still rambling away, telling you about his adventures with the Mandalorian and it was clear the kid trusted him, loved him dearly. 

You had a choice right now. There weren’t many Jedi left in the galaxy, none that you knew of yourself, the man who had trained you years ago, no matter how grumpy he had been about it, had died during the war with the Empire. You knew there were more but you didn’t know how to make contact. 

You were a skilled Jedi, trained by a man who seemed to be the Force himself some days. He had taught you as much as he could in the short amount of time you had with him, leaving you with enough resources to continue your learning without him. You knew you could train the child but it would mean going against everything you had lived by for years.

It would mean finally admitting you were a Jedi, risking your life and those you cared for. If somebody were to find out you knew it would mean going back to your life on the run. Loath as you were to admit it you had grown used to your life here in Mos Pelgo, you weren’t running, you had a place to return to each night and you were happy.

And yet something about the kid was calling out for you, though the Mandalorian was good to him he needed something more, he needed one of his own to help guide him. You didn’t know if it should be you but there weren’t exactly any other Jedi jumping to help. 

There was also something about the Mandalorian himself, something about the way he felt in the Force, the hope he was desperately trying to pull down so he wasn’t too disappointed, the sadness he felt at potentially losing the kid but wanting to do what was right for him anyway, the love and pride coming from him. Everything about him made you want to say yes if only so you could keep feeling good things coming from him.

Though you stayed silent for a few minutes you knew you had already made your decision, it had been made for you the second the kid climbed into your lap.

“I can help him.” You said, eyes closed and voice barely a whisper as you tilted your head down. 

Through the Force you could feel the Mandalorian’s happiness and relief, the feeling bringing your anxiety filled mind a sense of calm. Cobb was radiating pure confusion and you felt terrible for never having told him your secret, he had given you so much, shared so much with you and you kept things from him. 

You hoped he would understand.

“You can?” The Mandalorian asked and even with the modulator you could hear the grin on his face. 

The kid reacted to his happiness both in his voice and through the Force, babbling away much faster now, so quickly you struggled to keep up with the words. 

“He is strong but he needs to be trained. It will be a long process, training is not something to be rushed. If you wish to leave him you are free to do so but if you stay you must understand the training he is to undertake is something that will take years.” You told the Mandalorian, slipping into the tone your Master had used with you when he had explained the training to you. 

“I wish to stay with the child.” The Mandalorian confessed softly, through the Force you could feel his overwhelming relief and disbelief at the fact that he wasn’t being separated from the child, that he could stay by his side.

“As you wish, Mandalorian.” You said, finally opening your eyes and looking over at him. He had sat back on his heels now, looking absolutely relaxed. Over his shoulder Cobb looked down at you with a frown and you could only look up at him with wide, apologetic eyes.

“You’re one of his kind then? What are your people?” The Mandalorian asked and you returned your gaze to him, biting your lip before taking a breath.

“We’re Jedi, once our kind brought and maintained peace in the galaxy. Now there aren’t many left, the ones who trained to be Jedi are few and far across the galaxy.” You told him, a wave of familiar sadness ran through you as it always did when you thought of your people’s history and how different things could have been for you had they not fallen.

Now you only had the stories shared to you by an old man who felt bone deep sadness and grief as he told you of his time as a Jedi.

“The Jedi and the Mandalorian used to be great enemies.” The Mandalorian murmured softly, more to himself than to you but you still sat straighter and glared at him, the child pausing in his ramblings as he glanced between the two of you.

“Is that going to be a problem?” You said in a cold tone and the Mandalorian immediately sat straighter too, shaking his head and holding his hands up.

“No problem, the child is not my enemy, I…I care for him a great deal. You are not my enemy either and I will forever be in your debt. Thank you for helping the kid.” He told you earnestly. 

‘Grogu!’ 

The words caused you to frown as you looked away from the Mandalorian and down at the kid again, tilting your head for a second until it clicked what the word meant and you smiled down at him.

“Grogu,” You said softly, turning back to the Mandalorian, “His name is Grogu.”

Months passed in Mos Pelgo and though you had struggled with teaching Grogu to use the Force to begin with you had finally found your footing and actually enjoyed training the kid. Cobb had been shocked and a little bit hurt that you had kept it from him but a few tricks with the Force had him over it pretty quickly as he grinned at you, urging you to show him what else you could do.

Cobb had a place set up for you and the Mandalorian, it was easier to help the kid when you had your own place though you missed sharing living quarters with Cobb. The Mandalorian was more than happy to share a house with you, though he never admitted it out loud you could feel it through the Force.

You could feel a lot of things through the Force when it came to the Mandalorian. You could feel his happiness when he walked out the backdoor to see you and Grogu sat at the back of the house, the suns beaming down at you as you sat with your eyes closed and a collection of pebbles floating between the two of you. You could feel the relief he sometimes still felt when he held the kid, glad to still be at his side. 

You could also feel the way he got nervous around you, if you hadn’t had the Force on your side you would never have known it, not with the helmet hiding the Mandalorian’s expression from you. You had wondered many times what he looked like under it but after he had told you why he didn’t remove it you had never pushed it. Sometimes he felt so much happiness when he was around you, happiness you couldn’t blame on the kid because Grogu was long tucked up in his floating crib and fast asleep leaving you and the Mandalorian alone together, sometimes sat on the sofa with a cup of something warm, sometimes sat out on the porch under the stars. 

You had never let on to the Mandalorian that you could feel his feelings strongly through the Force. You felt the same for him though it took longer for you to admit it to yourself, you had become so used to your life of shutting people out, of blocking every possible person from your life that feeling this happy and giddy around the Mandalorian felt scary. Sometimes you found yourself struggling to speak around him, stumbling over your words when you felt a particularly strong wave of affection coming from him. 

When you finally confessed your feelings out loud for the first time to Cobb you had been taken back but the amount of genuine happiness and pride the man felt for you. He had seen it in your face and laughed softly telling you it was about time you let yourself have something that was yours. 

And maybe he was right. Maybe you should talk to Din, the two of you spent your days together, were practically raising Grogu together and yet no matter how certain you were about your feelings for the Mandalorian, you were still terrified. Terrified of actually letting another person in, of falling for somebody, of all the risks and pains that could come from it. 

Sometimes you missed the simplicity of your days spent running, they might have been lonely but you weren’t attached to anybody, there was no risk of you getting hurt.

But spending time with the Mandalorian, spending all your days at his side made you want to take that risk, made you want to see what could come from something between the two of you. Yes, it could end badly and it could hurt and you would curse yourself for getting involved with him but at the same time you could also make it work, you could create a life with him, memories to last a lifetime. 

The Mandalorian made you feel brave enough, happy enough, to want to take that risk. 

It was just a regular day when it finally happened, you hadn’t been planning on confessing anything to the Mandalorian, it really was just a regular day. You got up and the Mandalorian was already awake, as you sat with Grogu in the living room the Mandalorian prepared breakfast for you all, him eating as you and the kid went about your morning meditation. From there you had gone to help Cobb with things in town before you went back home to train with Grogu, the child making great progress in his training.

It was only after Grogu had been put to bed that something shifted. Din was already sitting outside on the floor by the time you had changed out of your clothes and into something more comfortable and you went and sat next to him, the air around you seemed to change and you couldn’t tell if it was the Force or just from all the unspoken words between the two of you. 

Din projected happiness into the Force, he was relaxed and content to sit under the stars with you and you were more than happy to share the silence with him. The Mandalorian often didn’t have much to say, he was used to being alone and not having to fill the silence but once you started the conversation he was always eager to carry it on, seemingly drinking in every word you told him and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Mando,” You started, voice barely a whisper but you suddenly needed to speak, to tell him how you felt, no matter how scared you were you were also ready but before you could say anything more the Mandalorian cut you off.

“Din,” He interrupted softly and your eyebrows knitted together in confusion and he chuckled softly, only just loud enough to be picked up through the helmet. “My name is Din Djarin.”

You could only stare up at him wide eyed, completely shocked that he would share this information with you, knowing how important the way of the Mandalorian was to him. The sudden urge to tell him how you felt only magnified with his words, suddenly you needed him to know.

“Din,” You whispered, feeling a burst of happiness from him and you couldn’t help but smile at him, knowing he was smiling back even with the helmet hiding his face. “Before I met you I had condemned myself to a life alone, to running and never stopping. Then I found this place and something was keeping me here, something I never understood, not until you showed up. You came along and you changed everything, you made me realise I didn’t have to be alone, I didn’t have to live in fear. You made me realise I could be happy, you made- you made me realise I could fall in love. I love you, Din Djarin.” 

Din was silent for a moment and without the Force you would have been worried about what that silence meant, worried that you had read the situation wrong but the Force sung of shock and happiness and joy, Din radiated so much affection and, taking you by surprise, love. 

“I love you too, Y/F/N Y/L/N. I love watching you with Grogu, I love waking up and knowing you’re going to be one of the first things I see in the morning, I know no day could be bad because of it. I, too, used to think I was meant for nothing more than to be alone, to provide for my creche and not know anything more than that. Meeting the kid changed everything for me, he led me to you.” Din’s voice was soft, the truth behind the words so strong you didn’t need to Force to help you make sense of his feelings.

You smiled widely at him and if your eyes had watered up a bit, well Din could hardly judge you when his did the same, the only difference was he had the luxury of the helmet to hide his. Though right now, for maybe the first time since he had put it on, he wished for the helmet to be gone, he longed to kiss you, had waited so long and now here you were telling him you felt the same. 

It was like a dream and he still half expected to wake up and find that he had fallen asleep outside whilst waiting for you.

He brought a hand up to your face, his fingers lightly pushing a piece of hair back before he cupped your cheek, smiling as you practically melted into the touch and he couldn’t do any but kiss you.

“Close your eyes and keep them shut for me.” He murmured softly and watched as your eyebrows knitted together in confusion before you did as he asked and only when your eyes closed did he lift the helmet.

He couldn’t bring himself to take it all the way off but he lifted it enough that his lower half was revealed. 

You felt his lips against yours and your eyes almost shot open in surprise but you just about managed to keep them shut, now understanding the request. Din trusted you, he trusted you to respect his way of living, to respect his choices and you did, you kept your eyes tightly shut in hopes that you would feel those lips against yours again.

You felt his facial hair against your face, his lips were slightly chapped against yours as he pulled you impossibly close to him. The kiss was soft and slow and a little uncoordinated through Din’s lack of experience and the love coming from Din mixed with the kiss was almost overwhelming. You felt like you could drown in the kiss, in him, and you wouldn’t complain once. 

Din’s thumb brushed against your cheek as he kissed you, memorising the feeling of your lips against him. You kissed him back so sweetly and he never wanted to stop, never wanted to not have your lips against his, kissing him just like this. 

Eventually the need for air became too much and the two of you pulled away, Din pulled the helmet down and rested his forehead against yours, not ready to give up kissing you even if you weren’t aware of keldabe kisses. 

You were stunning under the glow of the moonlight, lips swollen and eyes still closed as your breathing returned to normal. The world around him could end now and he wouldn’t be able to look away from you.

You finally opened your eyes and though you couldn’t see his face it didn’t matter, you could feel so much love and happiness coming from him that you were melting in it. You knew you had made the right decision, you didn’t know what would come from it, you couldn't see the future but you did know you made the right decision. 

One you wouldn’t take back for anything.

It was scary to love someone this much and the risk of getting hurt would always be there but it wasn’t a good enough reason to stay silent, not anymore, especially not when you knew how good this felt. You didn’t know what the future held but you would enjoy every moment with Din Djarin whilst you had it and never let him go, not when you had finally got him.

________

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He's Coming For You, I Promise

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Angstember Prompt -  "You have to wake up. Please wake up, for me."

It wasn’t that your Master didn’t trust you to go out alone, you knew he didn’t doubt your abilities but he did prefer having you close by, preferred to have you within arms length so that if a situation happened to turn bad he could keep an eye on you. You didn’t hate his protectiveness but you did wish that during one of the few times he had let you go off without him after much arguing on your behalf, wanting to prove you could do something without his help, that it didn’t go terribly wrong.

Thankfully he hadn’t sent you in completely alone but still the one man he had sent with you was fairing just as well against the droid army, who were definitely not supposed to be there, as you were. Cody and you were back to back with one another, him blasting as many droids as he could whilst you used both your lightsaber and the Force to do the same.

The mission was supposed to be fairly easy, the Jedi Council had enough intel about this base to know that it had been abandoned fairly quickly and that there could be information that was useful to them left behind. You had it on good authority that there may be a few droids who were left but the army had been taken.

It should have been a straight forward mission, you and Cody walk into the base, search it for anything that could help the Jedi and leave. Maybe take down one or two droids whilst you were there but nothing overly taxing.

Instead you and Cody had landed and it had been quiet, no defences, no droids, nothing but the abandoned base you were promised. It wasn’t until you got to the door that the droid army flooded out, surrounding you on all sides before you could even register what had happened. From there it all seemed to be a blur until you saw Cody go flying to the floor and you were blocking hits from every direction.

It was useless to fight back, impossible to gain the upper hand against so many droids. You tried to use your comms link to alert your Master, to alert anyone who might be listening, but at some point during the fight the comms link that rested on your wrist had been hit and only silence came from it.

Sweat ran from your forehead and your breathing was coming out in pants as you continued swinging your lightsaber in one hand and the other was directing droids into each other, tossing them as far back into each other using the Force as possible in a desperate attempt to gain the upper hand.

You fought back as hard as you could, mind screaming in hope that Obi-Wan would sense your distress through the Force wherever he might be. Just like the comms link you only heard silence. 

One of the droids managed to catch you off guard, somehow landing a hit that had your lightsaber flying out of your hand and your hand itself was left in burning pain. Before you even had time to react, to use the Force to guide your lightsaber back to you, shocks ran throughout your entire body as you twitched and screamed before everything turned dark.

“And once Master Windu and his men have completed the ground assault we’ll come in from here and here,” Anakin instructed, his gaze on the holo map as he pointed to different points of entry. 

The words were lost to Obi-Wan, he had been listening to his former Padawan until he felt something that had him tensing, hand moving towards the lightsaber on his hip as he tried to figure out exactly what was wrong.

“Master?” Anakin asked, finally looking away from the map and over to Obi-Wan, taking in his far away look and tense form. “Master!”

“Something’s wrong.” Obi-Wan murmured, a frown on his face as he felt fear through the bond you shared and his heart almost stopped as he felt the bond go silent. “Have we had word from Y/N or Cody?”

“No Sir, they haven’t checked in yet.” Rex told him and Obi-Wan felt panic building inside him. 

“Anakin, you’ll have to lead this mission without me and send my apologies to Master Windu.” Obi-Wan told him, already ordering for a cruiser to be ready for him as he turned to leave.

“Wait, Master!” Anakin called, following Obi-Wan and stopping him with a hand to his arm, “What’s happening?”

“Something has happened to Y/N, maybe Cody too. I have to go.” Obi-Wan told him shortly, tugging his arm away from Anakin and making his way to the hangar bay, glancing towards Anakin as he continued to follow him.

“You’re sure they’re in danger? Maybe they’re just-” Anakin began, knowing full well how quickly missions could turn and make it impossible to check in.

“They’re in danger, she’s, Y/N’s in danger, Anakin, and I sent her there.” Obi-Wan told him, desperately trying to keep his emotions at bay, to stop the onslaught of images that invaded his mind of all the things that could be happening to you. “I sent her there.”

“Master,” Anakin said, struggling for words. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d saw Obi-Wan like this, “She’ll be fine-”

“You can’t guarantee that Anakin.” Obi-Wan protested, cutting Anakin off again.

“Yes I can because you trained her and even if something has happened she’ll still be fine because you’re going to make sure she is. She knows you’re coming, Obi-Wan.” Anakin told him, the two of them coming to a stop outside of the cruiser and Obi-Wan turned towards his old Padawan, worry clear in his eyes but his shoulders did drop a little as the tension left them at his words. “Bring them home safe, Master.”

As you came back to yourself you groaned as shocks pulsed throughout your entire body. You tried to open your eyes but found they were too heavy, your entire body felt heavy, your body being forced to stay upright making you feel every bit of pain from the shocks.

“Sir?” You heard somebody call and it took a few moments to register that the voice belonged to Cody.  You tried to answer him but all that left your lips was another pained groan as your body jolted weakly as it was shocked once more. “Can you hear me?”

It seemed like an eternity passed before you managed to pull your eyes open, blinking them shut harshly despite the fact the room wasn’t that well lit. After a few more seconds though you managed to open them properly and looked over to where Cody was being held next to you, his own body pulsing with the shocks.

“Where are we?” You managed to ask weakly, crying out softly as more shocks hit you.

“I’m not sure,” Cody told you, pausing to let out a pained grunt before continuing, “nobody has been in since I woke up. I can’t send word to the General either.” He told you, nodding down to the broken comms unit on his wrist.

“Obi-Wan,” You began but cut yourself off as the shocks seemed to get worse all of a sudden, one after the other in rapid motion, the intensity of them increasing with each one and you couldn’t stop the tears that poured down your face. “Obi-Wan please,” You started to say but the pain became too much and you slipped off again.

Obi-Wan could hardly remember the trip to the planet you were on, what he did know is that it was much too far away. It was just over two days after he had set off that he was landing on the planet's sandy ground, cursing himself for sending you so far away, anything could have happened to you in the two days' travel.

Since he couldn’t land outside the base he had landed a few klicks away, thankfully it wasn’t too far a distance and before long he could see the base as well as the damage you and Cody must have caused before something happened to you.

The number of droids was alarming to say the least, dozens of them lay defeated at his feet and these were just the ones two people were able to take down, Obi-Wan shuddered to think just how many there had been. Clearly their intel had been very wrong, to go from an abandoned base to one protected by a droid army.

As he walked further down towards the entrance he paused as something glistened under the suns and felt his heart sink as he saw your lightsaber laying there, knowing you wouldn’t lose it unless something had happened to you.

Obi-Wan shook his head as he picked it up before he forced himself to move, no time to think about what it meant now, the only important thing was getting you out alive.

“You have to stay awake, Y/N.” Cody said from somewhere at your side but your eyes remained shut.

You had no idea how long you’d been here, in the time you had been there though multiple creatures had entered the room, all of them demanding information about things you didn’t even know about. You were only a Padawan and told them as much, it wasn’t like you were a member of the Council, you had no idea of the information they knew.

Still the creatures refused to believe you and each of them had different tactics to make you talk, all of them ending with you sobbing, bleeding, screaming and pleading for Obi-Wan. Your body was exhausted and battered, your throat was painfully sore from the screaming and you struggled to stay awake. When they weren’t torturing you they had you held up in a containment field and continued to shock you every few seconds, your body never getting a single moment of relief.

“Open your eyes, Sir.” Cody demanded hoarsely, he wasn’t in as bad a state as you were, having only been bound and shocked repeatedly. You knew he would have traded places with you in a heartbeat but the creatures only wanted you, they figured a Padawan of a Jedi Council member must hold all the knowledge Obi-Wan had.

“Obi-Wan,” You managed to choke out, tears silently running down your face as each breath pained you. “Obi-”

“He’s coming for you,” Cody promised and you tried to open your eyes, tried to look over at him but it was so hard to move your body. “He’s coming for you, Y/N, I promise but you have to stay awake, you hear me?”

You wanted to tell him that yes, you heard him but your body refused to cooperate, refused to do as you wanted it to. Instead you felt yourself drifting off again, Cody’s voice eventually fading into nothing as you lost consciousness. 

The base was a large, almost factory-like building with many doors and although Obi-Wan managed to enter the base without much difficulty, taking out a droid or two, he was having a much more difficult time locating you now that he couldn’t feel you through the Force though he refused to think about that too much, refused to let himself think about what it could mean.

“Oh no, a Jedi.” One of the droids said once Obi-Wan had made his way deep enough into the building to find a section that had much more activity.

“Where is the girl?” He asked, lightsaber raised at the ready.

When he received nothing but threats he was quick to take down the droids until one remained and he watched as it dropped its gun to point down a long corridor. With a nod he made quick work of that droid too so it didn’t alert whoever was holding you of his presence. 

He made his way down the corridor, lightsaber in front of him lighting his path down. He listened as he passed each door and began to lose hope in this direction, figuring the droid had been lying when he saw two more stood in front of a door a few more steps away from him.

Obi-Wan didn’t hesitate to move forward, quickly dismantling the two droids before letting out an annoyed huff when he tried the door only to realise it could only be accessed with a facial scan. It didn’t take him more than a second to jam the lightsaber through the door, cutting a circle big enough for him to get through and using the Force to quickly move the piece.

“General?” He heard a hoarse voice from inside as he climbed through to see Cody. “General, she needs you.”

At those words his attention turned to where Cody nodded, his heart stopping as he saw you being held up, your body was slumped in on itself. From where he stood at the door he could see bruises and blood and he could only watch in horror as your body weakly jolted as shocks assaulted you.

Quickly he snapped himself out of his frozen state and ran over to you, easily freeing you from the binds holding you in place and catching you as you fell. It didn’t take him much effort to pick you up, carrying you in his arms as he made his way to Cody, freeing him from his binds too and handing him a blaster.

“It’s good to see you, Sir.” Cody said, relief clear in his voice and Obi-Wan nodded as he tightened his grip on you though still being careful of the many wounds. “She knew you’d come.” 

Those words sent a warm feeling through him and he had to force it down until he knew you were going to be ok. 

“It’s good to see you too, now let’s get out of here.” Obi-Wan said and thankfully whoever was holding you still didn’t seem to know Obi-Wan had broken in and rescued the two of you. There was no struggle getting out of the building, Cody dealing with a few droids here and there but nothing like when you had first arrived.

It was as you all boarded the ship the droid army flooded out of the building and Obi-Wan was quick to start the engine and put some much needed distance between you and them, narrowly avoiding the shots being fired at them.

“What in the stars happened out here?” Obi-Wan asked Cody, glancing back to where he had placed you in one of the seats, his robe wrapped around you as you remained unconscious. 

“There were so many of them, Sir, no matter how hard we fought back, more of them kept coming. They got me first, I-I should have protected her but-”

“Cody, this isn’t your fault.” Obi-Wan assured but the trooper just sighed before continuing.

“I woke first and we were being held in that room. Nobody came in whilst I was awake but once Y/N woke these creatures came and started,” Cody cut himself off as fury ran through his veins, hating how useless he had been, not able to free himself to help you, “Sir, they tortured her, they wanted information about a holocron? Something about all future Jedi? I don’t know, Sir, but they seemed to think Y/N had the information they wanted. She’s been in and out of consciousness for a while but passed out not long before you got there.” 

The rest of the trip was fairly silent. It was a two day journey back and in that time you hadn’t woken up once. Obi-Wan had to force himself not to panic, to focus on getting you back home and straight to the medical facility. 

Cody had taken over flying the ship after a day's rest with the instruction that Obi-Wan should be with you and Obi-Wan was hardly going to protest to that. As he sat beside you, holding your hand gently in his as his thumb brushed the bruised skin he couldn’t stop the tears that came to his eyes. 

“You have to wake up.” He whispered to you as he lifted your hand to his lips, pressing a soft gentle kiss to the back of it as he let the tears fall down his cheeks. “Please wake up, for me.”

His desperate plea received no response and he could do little more than sit by your side and cry until he was forced to collect himself as Cody landed the ship and he lifted you into his arms again. 

Anakin was already waiting in the hangar bay along with Rex, a medical droid beside them and transport waiting to take you to the medical facility. He shot Anakin a thankful look, his former Padawan nodding back with a sympathetic smile before his gaze strayed down to you in Obi-Wan’s arms. 

Obi-Wan lay you down as gently as possible, his robes still covering your body and most of the visible bruises, though the two who had gathered to greet you winced at the cuts and bruises on your face, Obi-Wan having cleaned the blood as best he could on the journey back.

“I have to check in with the Council,” Obi-Wan announced after the medical droid promised to take you over to the medical facility, “Cody make sure you’re treated too.”

“Obi-Wan,” Anakin protested as the medical droid and Cody left with you, “the Council can wait, she needs you now.”

“I’m not sure what help I can be to her now, Anakin. At least by speaking to the Council we can arrange further investigation into exactly what happened out there.” Obi-Wan told him but truthfully all he wanted to do was follow you, hating to be separated from you when he’d only just gotten you back.

“Well fill me in and I’ll inform the council of what happened out there.” And in that moment Obi-Wan had never been more thankful for the man in front of him, a grateful smile spreading across his face as he reached up to squeeze Anakin’s shoulder.

“Thank you Anakin.” He said, trying to get across just how much he meant those words and the smile Anakin gave him in return showed his meaning was clear and so with that he told Anakin what Cody had told him before parting ways and making his way over to you.

By the time he arrived at the medical facility you were still being patched up by the medical droids, bacta salve covering most of your body as they worked on stitching cuts Obi-Wan hadn’t even seen. He stood back and let them work though he desperately wanted to be next to you. He noticed Cody in the bed next to yours, armour completely removed as he rested, the exhaustion finally taking over knowing that the two of you were home and safe. 

The medical droids seemed to work on you for hours but eventually they pulled away from you, running one last check to make sure you were ok before they left, one of them making their way over to Obi-Wan.

“Is she going to be ok?” He asked, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

“She has suffered severe electro shocks, we cannot confirm how much harm this has done until she is awake. She may be fine, sore but fine, or she may lose feeling in certain areas. The burns will heal with repeated treatments. Her breathing is stable after the shocks caused some difficulty. Her wounds are treatable, repeated treatments will see them clearing up though some may scar. She will be fine.” The medical droid told him and Obi-Wan almost sobbed in relief at hearing last those four words.

“Thank you,” He said tearfully, “When will she wake?”

“I cannot say. After the abuse her body has withstood it has forced itself to shut off, both to stop feeling the pain and because of the exhaustion she felt. It could be a matter of hours or days but she will wake.” The droid said and Obi-Wan drew a shaky breath, nodding his thanks before making his way over to the chair that had been left at the side of your bed.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Obi-Wan whispered, the words mumbled against the back of your hand that he had taken in his and brought up to his lips to press a gentle kiss to, “I should never have sent you out there, I should have been with you.”

Eventually Obi-Wan’s tears stopped falling and it wasn’t long until he fell asleep with his head resting on the bed, hand still entwined with yours.

Days passed with no movement from you, Obi-Wan only had the constant beep of the heart monitor telling him you were ok as he sat by your side day in and day out. There was a war going on outside the room, one that he should be involved in, giving orders to men who counted on him and yet he found that he didn’t care. Anything that took him away from your side wasn’t worth it.

Thankfully Anakin hadn’t hesitated to fill Obi-Wan’s space, telling his Master that he would make sure everything was going to plan and his only job was making sure you made a full recovery. Obi-Wan hadn’t thought he could feel more grateful towards Anakin than he had the day he’d arrived back at base with you but his former Padawan continued to prove him wrong.

Even though you had yet to wake your injuries were healing themselves, the burns had eased, the bruises had faded and most of your stitches had been removed. The only thing left was for your body to overcome the exhaustion so that you could wake up. 

“How is she doing?” Anakin asked as he entered the medical facility, Rex, Ashoka and Cody, who had been released some days ago after receiving the all clear, all in tow.

“Still sleeping.” Obi-Wan sighed, his thumb brushing against the back of your hand. 

“She’ll wake soon, Master.” Anakin assured as he sat on your other side, reaching up to brush a piece of hair back from your face. 

Obi-Wan didn’t doubt Anakin’s words, he knew you were strong, knew that you’d push through but the waiting was agonising, all he wanted was for you to open your eyes, to see that you were ok.

You come back to wakefulness and the first thing you noticed was that you couldn’t feel any pain, a few aches here and there but nothing compared to the pain you had felt the last time you were awake and blessedly you couldn’t feel any more shocks. 

You tried to pry your eyes open but found they wouldn’t cooperate which sent a spike of anxiety through you, you wanted to open them, wanted to see where you were and if you were safe, you wanted to know that Cody was ok.

A soft, quiet voice stopped you from attempting to open your eyes and you felt an overpowering sense of relief and happiness once you were able to identify just who the voice belonged to. 

“I really do wish you’d wake up, Y/N.” He whispered, he wasn’t alone in his worry for you anymore. Your friends' worry grew with each passing day and the medical droids had been stumped after two weeks passed with no movement from you. “We all miss you. I miss you, Y/N, I miss you terribly despite being by your side everyday. I miss your laugh, I miss seeing your eyes, miss seeing them light up. I shouldn’t care so much for you, I know the Jedi would condemn me for having such an attachment to you but I find it impossible to stop myself when it comes to you. I wish I were brave enough to tell you but- that doesn’t matter, all that matters is that you get better. I should never have sent you to that base, I should have been by your side the way it has been since our first day together. I just- I really wish you’d wake up.”

You couldn’t move if you wanted to but in that moment you were glad you were frozen, not wanting a single twitch of your finger to cut Obi-Wan’s words off, not when they were the very ones you’d longed to hear. 

You felt the gentle kiss pressed to the back of your hand, felt his thumb brushing against the same place but no more words left his lips. You didn’t mind, more content to feel his touch as it soothed your panic away over your frozen state. 

Even if you couldn’t move yet, even if you couldn’t force your eyes to open, it didn’t matter. You knew you were safe, Obi-Wan had saved you and he was sitting by your side. Whenever Obi-Wan was around you knew you were safe, knew that no harm would come to you and that helped you drift off into an actual sleep for the first time in weeks. 

The second time you woke you were worried you were still in that base, bound and waiting for any chance of rescue but then you felt the hand in yours and knew you were safe, knew Obi-Wan’s words and soft touches hadn’t been a dream but instead it was reality and you found this time around you could blink awake. 

Your eyes were heavy and it took a few attempts to pry them open but eventually you managed, scrunching them shut against the bright lights in whatever room you were in, probably the medical facility if Obi-Wan had his way and you weren’t conscious to fight him over it. 

You couldn’t stop the soft smile that spread across your face as you saw Obi-Wan, his hand was still holding yours but he was slumped over in the uncomfortable chairs the medical facility had, his head resting on the mattress next to your hip. You could see his face clearly and the dark circles under his eyes, had he stayed with you this whole time? That’s what he had said, right, ‘I miss you terribly despite being by your side everyday’.

Your smile grew wider until it was taken away as pain spread through your body as you tried to shift, Obi-Wan immediately sitting up, worry clear in his bleary eyes. 

You saw the exact moment his sleep-addled mind recognised you were awake, watching as his eyes widened and he seemed to freeze, only able to stare at you in shock. The shock quickly faded into relief, his shoulders relaxing at seeing your eyes open for the first time in however long it had been. 

“Y/N,” he said, the word so soft, barely a whisper like he was afraid he was dreaming this moment, like the second he spoke the scene would shift back to your unconscious body. 

You couldn’t stop the tears that filled your eyes at hearing his voice. Even though you had seen him, seen the medical facility and knew Obi-Wan had saved you there was still some part of you that needed something more, needed to hear Obi-Wan again to know you were truly ok. 

“It’s alright, Y/N,” Obi-Wan told you, keeping his voice soft as he watched tears flow uncontrollably down your cheeks. Sobs of relief, of fear, of overwhelment leaving you and he was quick to move from the chair to join you on the bed, enough room on it for him to lay down next to you and pull you into his chest. “You’re ok, I have you now.”

You clung to Obi-Wan’s robe, letting him surround you completely both in the Force and in person, his comforting, soothing presence letting you know just how safe you were. Obi-Wan’s whispered words of comfort, of praise, washed over you and you could do little else but lean into the man, letting him hold you, fingers running up and down your arm as he somehow pulled you even closer.

You couldn’t say just how long you lay there for just letting Obi-Wan hold you but eventually your tears turned into little sniffs. You made no move to pull away from him, attempting to burrow yourself deeper into his chest and smiling when you felt the man chuckle.  

“You’re safe.” Obi-Wan promised you, mumbling the words into your hair before placing a soft kiss there. “I have you, you’re alright.”

“Obi-Wan,” you whispered into his chest, gripping the fabric of his robe even tighter in your fist, “Obi-Wan.”

“I’m here, dear one, I have you now.” Obi-Wan assured you.

“Thank you,” you said, repeated the words a few times before Obi-Wan shushed you, silencing you gently and bringing one hand up to cup the back of your head, playing with your hair causing you to relax further into him, eyes falling closed knowing you could drift off again safe in the man’s arms, knowing no harm could come to you so long as were here.

________

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Prompt -  'So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying I’m sorry for that night.’

You felt like you could hardly sit still as you sat at a small table furthest away from the door, trying to get the most amount of privacy for the conversation that was to come. Outside the window snow fell down and you rubbed your hands together, both out of nerves and in an attempt to warm them up.

You had played and replayed how this conversation was going to go a million times over in your head, planned what to say only to scrap each idea as nothing you came up with felt good enough.

The drink you had ordered had been placed on your table only seconds before the bell jingled to announce the door opening and you barely had time to thank the waitress before your mouth went dry. As much as you wanted this conversation, as grateful as you were for it, there was another part of you that wanted to run away.

But you couldn’t run away again, not when you were being given a second chance, even if it was only to have one last conversation before living the rest of your life with regrets over what could've been.

You watched as he scanned the rooms, cheeks red from the cold, before his eyes landed on you. You hated the tension clearly readable even from across the room and how he seemed to have to force his feet to make their way over to you.

“Hi.” He greeted softly, his voice sending an ache through you and you had to force yourself to swallow past the lump in your throat as he sat in the seat across from you.

“Hey,” Your voice was just as soft as his was, if a little more obviously shaky. “Thank you for coming, I’m so glad you made time to see me.”

“Yeah, well, I,” Buck started before he trailed off and shook his head. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too.” You told him with a small smile, meaning it with every part of you. It had only been two or so weeks since you had last seen him but you had missed him more than words could say. “How is everything? How’s the 118, I haven’t seen them since-” You cut yourself off, neither you or Buck needing you to finish that sentence.

“Things are good, work’s busy but I guess it always is more hectic around the holidays.” He smiled and even though it didn’t meet his eyes you were so glad to see it. “Everyone else is good, Christopher misses you.”

“I miss him too.” Breaking up with Buck was bad but it wasn’t just him you had lost, you had lost the friendship you had made with his friends. You didn’t blame any of them for cutting you off, they were his friends first and would always be in his corner before yours but you missed them all so much.

“How’ve you been?” Buck asked and you couldn’t stop the frown that pulled at your lips because truth be told you hadn’t been great but you wouldn’t tell Buck that, not when it was your fault you were having sleepless night after sleepless night, replaying the same scene, the same conversation, over in your head a million times. You spent nights crying when the memories of weekend trips invaded your mind, summer adventures where Buck drove and you sat at his side, watching him laugh as the two of you sung loudly to the radio, remembered the nights tucked against his chest with his arms wrapped around you and feeling safer than you had ever felt in your whole life.

“I’m okay.” Was about as much as you could muster up and Buck glanced away from you for only a moment before his focus was back on you. The lump in your throat was back and you forced it down, as well as the stinging you felt in the back of your eyes.

The small talk was painful to both of you, the reason why you were here hanging heavily in the air but you were still desperately trying to think of the right thing to say. Buck’s guard was so obviously up and for good reason to. You’d hurt him, you knew he had been hurt before, left behind without a second thought and you had done the same to him.

How could you tell him the reason when you didn’t fully understand why you had done it yourself? How could you tell him that you had panicked, that he had been so perfect, so incredible, always thoughtful, always putting you first, how could you tell him that it was so serious that it had scared you.

Part of you knew he would have understood if you had handled it better, if you had sat him down and told him that this was the most serious relationship you’d ever had, that you loved him more than anything and that terrified you. For some reason you hadn’t been able to bring yourself to do that though, to handle it maturely and take a breath, instead you had walked away in a panic only to regret it every day since.

Buck had every reason to keep his distance now, he had every reason not to show up at all but you were glad he had. You loved him so much and if you ever had a second chance with the man you would never take it for granted.

You shifted in your seat, sitting up straighter and wrapped your hands around your mug just for something to do with them. The lump in your throat seemed to be stuck there but you took another breath and forced yourself to address the reason you had asked Buck to come here.

No part of you was expecting him to take you back but you at least owed him an explanation. People were good at leaving Buck without one and after all the goodness and kindness he had treated you with he at least deserved a reason, he deserved to not spend anymore nights blaming himself and wondering what had gone wrong.

“I’m sorry,” you began and watched as Buck sat up straighter too, his eyes wide and sad as he looked at you and you felt your heart ache. “I’m sorry for that night, Buck. I regret it more than I’ve regretted anything.”

“Why?” Was all Buck was able to choke out and seeing the tears in his eyes made yours sting.

“I wish there was a good reason, Buck. I wish I could tell you something that doesn’t sound as pathetic as the truth.” You told him, voice cracking as you spoke and your grip on the mug tightened.

“Just tell me, Y/N/N, I need to know because I have spent every night agonising over what I did wrong.” He forced out, a single tear sliding down his cheek but he made no move to wipe it away. “I thought we were good.”

“We were, Buck. I promise you, if you don’t believe anything else I say believe this, you were perfect. You were so much more that I could ever ask for, so much more than I deserve and it terrified me. It terrified me Buck because I have never felt this way about anyone in my whole life and I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know what to do with the fact that I love you Buck, I love you so much and I’m not saying this to win you back, I know I hurt you and that, that is unforgivable because you were nothing but amazing and you didn’t deserve me walking out on you and for that, Buck, I am so sorry.” By the end of the short speech tears were sliding down both your cheeks and you were glad you had sat at the back in the far corner of the room, grateful for the privacy.

“Y/N,” Buck whispered but couldn’t seem to say anything else and you smiled at him, a smile filled with sadness and regret.

“I’m so, so sorry, Buck.” You repeated shakily, “I said this wasn’t me trying to get you back and I meant that but I have spent every night since that night regretting not just talking to you, every night missing you more than anything. If I could go back and change it, go back and just talk to you, God Buck, I'd do it in a heartbeat and I’d understand you never wanting to see me again, to walk away and be done with me-”

“I love you too, Y/N/N.” Buck told you softly, cutting off whatever you were going to say next and you were glad for the interruption both because you had no idea what you were actually saying, the words just falling out of you, but also because you got to hear Buck tell you he loved you for the first time. “I love you so much and trust me I was scared too, hell Bobby and Eddie can tell you how many nights I kept them up talking about it so I get it, I just wished you’d talked to me before leaving.”

The two of you were sat with tears falling down your cheeks, looking at one another with love, sadness, hope, as well a whole mix of other emotions. Despite not knowing what was going to happen, for the first time since you’d left Buck you felt like you could breathe again, like the weight that had been sitting on your chest for weeks was finally gone and you couldn’t help but smile at Buck.

“I wish I could change how I handled it.” You told him softly and he just smiled back at you, reaching across the table and gently pried your hand off the mug to wrap in his hand, his thumb brushing gently against your knuckles.

“Promise me that next time you’ll just talk to me, Y/N. I can’t handle you walking away again.” Buck told you and your eyebrows knitted together before his words fully registered and your eyes widened.

“Next time? Buck I-”

“You were scared and overwhelmed and didn’t know how to handle it. I told you I get it but we have to talk about these things, I don’t want to lose you.” Buck cut you off and you couldn’t help but smile at his words even as more tears filled your eyes.  

“I promise, Buck.” You told him sincerely, still in disbelief that he was so open to fixing things, to not holding your mistake against you.

God, you loved him so much.

“Good because these last few weeks have been hell.” He laughed even as a few more tears slid down his cheeks. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too, Buck.” You said softly and the two of you just sat there for a moment longer, unable to look away from each other, unable to stop smiling as you did.

You might not have been able to go back in time, back to that first week of December where you had walked out of Buck’s apartment with tears sliding down your cheeks, but somehow you were here now with Buck, Buck who had the biggest heart you knew, Buck who would bend over backwards to help anyone, Buck who had the capacity to forgive no matter how many times he got hurt.

You swore to yourself as you squeezed the hand still holding yours that you would never take him for granted, would never let another day go by you don’t tell him you loved him, would never mess up your second chance with Buck.

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