The Last Of Us Imagine - Tumblr Posts

Changes - Joel Miller Imagine [The Last of Us]

Title: Changes

Pairing: Joel Miller X Reader

Word Count: 2,158 words

Warning(s): gunfire, murder, awkwardness, abandonment

Summary: [Episode 6] (Y/n) thought that Joel and them were finally making some steps forward in their relationship... in a few ways. If only progress didn't run the constant risk of going backward.

Author's Note: I have a friend that asked if I had written The Last of Us fanfiction... I am adding to the collection for their sake... totally not my own.

PART TWO HERE

PART THREE HERE

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Working with Joel was strange.

There were these times when he was completely closed off. Gruff and abrasive. Acted like he had never smiled a day in his life. I would affectionately call him Oscar to Grouch at those times. In my head. The last time I said that one out loud, I'm pretty sure he had to use all of his self-restraint to keep himself from shooting me.

But there were other times when the shell cracked. He would smile at me. He would actually participate in my admittedly stupid banter. He was sweeter. Not a lot, but enough for both of us to relax.

I sometimes thought that I clung to those "other times" a little too tightly.

That was why I stuck around him for so long. Those looks behind the curtain were enough to get my attention. I held onto them as much as possible. It was like holding a burning candle and watching the flame dim until you could find another match.

I tried to believe that I wasn't seeing things that weren't there.

But that would have been too easy.

I had to face the possibility that there was nothing there between us.

That realization came like a slap in the face.

We had gotten a truck and supplies from Bill and Frank's compound. The three of us were hidden away in the woods, far away from the road.

Ellie was asleep.

I was sitting next to Joel. I had always had trouble sleeping, even before the apocalypse. The constant threat to my life didn't help.

"You should rest."

"Don't tell the chronic insomniac to sleep," I replied. "It's like telling a psychopath that they're a psychopath."

I looked over just in time to watch his eyebrows furrow. "What?"

"It's very upsetting," I explained.

"Right," he mumbled. "I will never get how your mind works."

"Keeps me interesting," I shrugged.

I leaned my elbows on my knees as I watched Ellie a bit longer. I took a deep breath.

"It feels weird how protective I feel over her," I said quietly. "It hasn't been all that long, yet I feel like I'd burn the world down to keep her safe."

Joel hummed in response.

"You are so talkative," I mumbled. "It's one of your best qualities."

"I've been saying that for years," he replied sarcastically. I scoffed.

"I think you're obsessed with the gruff, mysterious reputation you have going on."

"I would've changed it if I could," he explained. "Damn thing made it so you're stuck to my side, why would I choose to hold onto it?"

"Oh, hush, I've grown on you."

"Like a tumor."

I chuckled at the sarcastic response. "Asshole."

"Keeping up the reputation."

I rolled my eyes as I turned my head to look at him. He looked at me.

Maybe it was the silence. Or the loneliness of the whole thing. Or some stress spilling over into the current moment. Maybe it was just something about the woods. Something around us made me braver for just a few moments.

And those few moments were all I needed to push myself over and pressed my lips to his.

It was nothing more than a peck before he pulled away from me. Abrupt and sudden. Like a scared animal.

I felt a sliver of pain slide through my heart as I turned my attention away from him, looking straight forward.

"(Y/n)," Joel said.

I didn't respond. I felt dizzy from my own stupidity.

"Me and you... we're two people that happen to do jobs together," he muttered after a while.

I nodded, trying to ignore the embarrassment that wanted to come out as projectile vomit right about now.

"That's it-"

"I got it," I cut him off. "I... I'm sorry."

He cleared his throat. "You should-"

"Get some rest. Yeah."

There it was. That shell.

I should have just grown accustomed to it.

We continued on like nothing had happened. It was all work. Nothing more than that. We just needed to get all of the work done.

I held onto that as we drove off the next morning.

It was easier to focus on Ellie than it was to think about Joel.

She was a smart kid. Smart and resourceful and brave. She was ready to kick ass at the drop of a hat. I admired her. Maybe that was part of why I was so protective of her.

It was especially easy to ignore my embarrassment when the chaos broke out around us in Kansas City.

The truck crashed through some old store. The gunfire followed soon after. We had gotten Ellie some hole in the wall. Safety.

The silence after the gunfire was almost scarier than the sound of the shots. It was the adrenaline. The fear meeting caution. It was like a closed soda bottle getting shaken up.

I heard the door slam open before I saw anything move. A guy tried to pin Joel to the ground.

Shooting him was the easy part.

Getting my hands to stop shaking after was the worst. I let out a loud sigh.

I heard Ellie climbing out of the wall to check on us.

"You alright," I asked her. She nodded. I took another deep breath.

Joel had pulled himself off the ground by then. He was just staring at me with this shocked look on his face.

"What about you," I asked.

"I'm good," he nodded. "Thanks."

"We'd be kinda screwed if I let you die," I replied. "Just doing the right thing."

There was a long pause as the tense air seemed to dissipate. I barely managed to drag my eyes from Joel.

"Head back in there," I told Ellie. "Look for a door for us to get through."

She nodded.

It wasn't until she was gone that I turned to Joel again. "You sure you're okay? You got a... look."

There was no response from him.

"Joel?"

"Ellie, turn around," Joel said, still looking at me. I glanced back at the wall, chuckling a bit at her little face poking out.

"Why," she asked.

"Just do it," he muttered.

I heard the dirt and gravel shift under her feet as she grumbled and spun around on her heels.

I raised an eyebrow at Joel. "What is it?"

He grabbed my arm and pulled me forward. I stumbled a bit as he awkwardly kissed me. I grinned against his lips as I balanced myself and kissed him back.

I pulled back first. I smiled before stepping away a bit. I saw a grin pulling at his lips as I did.

"You can turn around, Ellie," I chuckled.

"Did you guys kiss," she asked as she did, popping her head out again.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I shrugged as I walked over to her. "No idea at all."

"You're full of shit!"

"Am I? Joel, am I?"

He shook his head. "Not at all."

Ellie looked between Joel and me. She finally scoffed and rolled her eyes.

It felt like something had changed. Shifted.

And I liked it. I really, really liked it.

After the heartbreak in Kansas City, I expected that shell to build itself up again.

Joel wasn't romantic. I knew that much. But I found enough comfort in how his hand touched my back. It was barely there, but it was enough. I offered him a sad grin.

Three months.

Three months after that change initially happened.

We developed some patterns.

We found ourselves in a camp. A commune of survivors that made a life for themselves. A new beginning. It gave me a moment of pause. A small shimmer of hope that I felt silly entertaining.

Ellie and I ended up following Maria around while Joel caught up with his brother. It was nice. Knowing that he found him again.

We were put up in some house to shower and change. It was in amazing condition. Unfair, honestly.

I stuck next to Ellie as much as I could.

We snuck out of the movie they were playing that night. She was reading from some old diary. I was looking at the old photos and posters. It was a museum. A perfectly preserved image of the past.

Joel walked in a while later.

He stood in the middle of the room. Tense. I stepped over to him. I didn't want to cross any lines, but my brain was yelling at me to grab his hand or touch his face or something. Do something to bring him back down to earth.

I stood halfway between him and Ellie.

"Why are you here," Ellie asked from her seat.

"I came here to talk to you."

"No, why are you still here," she corrected. "If you're gonna ditch me, ditch me."

"No one's ditching you," I shook my head, looking at her for a moment before turning my attention toward Joel. The guilt was etched into his face. "Isn't that right, Joel?"

"I heard him," she spoke up. "Talking to his brother while you were focused on the lights and shit. 'I have to leave her. You have to take her.'"

I clenched my jaw. "Goddammit, Joel."

"I stood up for you today because I thought..."

Ellie trailing off broke my heart.

"I made this decision for your own good," Joel spoke up. "You'll be way better off with Tommy."

"You didn't think to talk to me about this," I asked.

He ignored me, "He knows the area better than I do-"

"Do you give a shit about me or not," Ellie slammed the diary down as she snapped at him.

"Of course, I do."

I looked down and let them argue.

I knew where I would be at the end of all of this. The only question was whether or not Joel was going to join me.

"Then, what are you so afraid of?" she stepped closer as she spoke. "I'm not her, y'know?"

I tensed.

"Maria told us about Sarah and-"

"Don't," Joel stopped her. "Don't say another word."

"I'm sorry about your daughter, Joel," Ellie walked closer to him. "But I've lost people too."

"You have no idea what loss is."

"Everybody I have cared for has either died or left me. Everybody, fucking except for you!"

I barely moved forward as she went to shove Joel backward. He didn't flinch.

"So don't tell me that I'd be safer with somebody else because the truth is I would just be more scared."

I touched her arm.

"You're right," Joel said. "You're not my daughter. And I sure as hell ain't your dad. Now, come dawn, we're going our separate ways."

"Joel," I muttered, following him out. He slammed the door shut. "Let's talk about this. Because that should have happened long before you made this choice."

"There's nothing to talk about," he replied.

I scoffed.

"Be ready to go in the morning."

"Joel, no."

"Our job's done."

"She's terrified," I said. "We're probably the most stable things that she's had in years. I'm not gonna abandon her. She's a kid-"

"She's not a kid, she's cargo. This was a job and now the job is done. Let's go."

"You're gonna look me in the eye and tell me that you actually still think that?"

"What did you expect to change?"

I froze.

The last thing I wanted to do in that moment was cry in front of him. But I couldn't help the burning behind my eyes. After all that had happened... all we had been through... the kisses... I thought that it was safe to assume that things were different now. That something had shifted in his mind.

"Have a safe trip, Joel," I muttered, blinking away any tears that tried to fight their way out.

"(Y/n), come on-"

"Job's done, right," I asked. "And nothing's changed?"

He paused.

"You said it before... we are just two people that sometimes do jobs together. Well, the job's done so you don't have to worry about me being 'stuck to your side all the time' anymore. You can finally get rid of me. Go do whatever the hell you want. I am going to make sure that kid isn't completely abandoned."

"(Y/n)-"

"Have a safe fucking trip, Joel!"

I walked back inside and slammed the door shut behind me.

I looked over at Ellie, who was standing in the middle of the room with tears in her eyes. It broke my heart. Damn near shattered the thing.

I stepped forward and yanked her into a hug. "I'm not going anywhere, got it?"

She hugged me back.

"I am not leaving you," I repeated, finally feeling the tears fall as my voice became shaky. "I'm going to stay right here and keep you safe. For as damn long as I can. Got it?"

She nodded against my shoulder.

"We're gonna figure this out, kid."

I just hoped that time would prove that I wasn't lying to her.

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Author's Note: I know it takes him all of like a minute to turn his ass around, but I needed the dramatic cut off. Let me have this one.

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Notes - If this is ooc or some things are wrong I’m sorry! I literally know nothing about tlou other than what I’ve seen from episode one.

Prompt - ‘Sometimes you make the wrong decision and that leads you to the right decision.’

The thing about the end of the world is that nobody expected it. Sure it was a thing everyone knew would happen one day, one of the many, indisputable facts of life, but nobody ever thought it would happen to them. When people pictured the end of the world it was usually a wave of fire and panic before nothing, everyone expected nothingness at the end of the world.

So when the world did end on some random day in September people didn’t realise it for what it was, not yet. There was no end worlding bang, no thing in the sky falling down to destroy everything.

There was panic though, God was there panic. Every person was consumed by that panic, that fear of what was happening, so consumed that they couldn’t think past it, couldn’t think about whether there was a future after this.

It was the end of the damned world and yet the world stayed standing.

There was fire, a lot of fire, cities, houses, cars and planes went up in flames, smoke spreading fast and thick until people struggled to breathe through it. There was screaming too, people lay on the ground screaming as the dead bit into them, people screamed as they ran from the dead who moved too quick, people screamed as the military raised their weapons and shot them just because they had been ordered to.

The world stayed standing but everything else ended.

Communications had long since stopped working, if you were alone when it happened then you were alone for good…at least for a while. If you were one of the lucky ones you kept yourself safe until you could get taken in by the official quarantine zones. If you weren’t lucky then the dead would make quick but painful work of you.

Those were the two kinds of people nowadays, the lucky and the unlucky, the dead and the survivors.

Then there was you.

You weren’t lucky, you weren’t a survivor. When the world ended you had panicked along with everyone else. You were alone in Texas, it hadn’t even been a month since you moved out there for some job you had sworn was going to change your life.

You had no idea how you survived as long as you had, months into the outbreak or whatever this thing was, you were tired. The panic still existed, it consumed your every waking minute, you paused before turning a corner, held your breath at a creak in the house. You were trying to make your way to one of the safety points the government had set up, the ones closest to you all filled and your feet ached as every car you passed failed to work.

You were tired. Tired of fighting, tired of being scared, tired of being alone, you were tired of being tired.

So when you left a house you had spent the night in and heard a noise to your right you knew you had a split second to make your decision. Did you want to die? No, of course you didn’t, the answer came to you straight away but then so did the next question; did you want to live?

The answer didn’t come to you so clearly this time. You didn’t want to die but what was there to live for anymore. This was the world now, no hope, no cures, nothing. Why would anyone want to live in this world? It wasn’t living anymore, it was surviving one day just to survive the next.

And that was your answer wasn’t it, there was nothing to live for so why were you still fighting?

You saw it coming for you out of the corner of your eyes before you scrunched them shut, bracing yourself for the pain and hoped it would be quick. You felt its hand grab you before it went limp and fell to the floor and you let out a shuddering breath as your eyes flew open and down to the ground before turning to look around.

You weren’t lucky, you weren’t a survivor; you were something else. You were saved, saved by a man who looked as tired as you were, saved by a man who look like he was carrying a hefty weight on his shoulders, a man who scowled and shook his head as he snapped at you, asking what the hell you were thinking.

As he stepped closer to you your mind began running at a mile a minute. The main thing you felt was relief, thankful this man had made a decision for you, thankful he hadn’t left your fate up to you.

When he was close enough you didn’t even think, you couldn’t think properly, instead you threw your arms around him and hugged yourself to his chest. The man let out a small huff as he went tense in your arms before he sighed and wrapped your shaking figure in his arms.

“You’re ok.” He told you, his voice was gruff as he spoke and you couldn’t stop the sob that left you, one of the man’s hands lifting to cup the back of your head.

It had been so long since you had spoken to another person, you didn’t know who to trust these days but months of isolation were bound to make you just a little bit desperate for human contact.

“Sorry,” you said as you pulled away, voice croaky from not speaking for so long. “Sorry, I um, thank you.”

“You’re alright.” He told you again before his eyes ran over you, checking for something before his frown deepened. “Where’s your weapon?”

They were already dead, kept moving by whatever virus or parasite had infected them but still…it had never sat right with you to kill them. So you didn’t. It had been months since the world ended and you hadn’t killed a single one of them.

You weren’t a survivor, you weren’t lucky. You were careful and you calculated every single move you made.

You were tired.

“I don’t have a weapon.” You watched his frown deepen even more if it were possible.

“You don’t have a- how the hell have you stayed alive?” He asked you and you couldn’t do more than shrug at him. “You were ready to let that thing get you.”

It wasn’t a question, he had witnessed it himself and you weren’t going to correct him. Both of you knew you were grateful for his intervention.

Joel got it, he really did. Some days it took all his energy to not put a bullet in his own head or be done with it and let the dead have at him. The months since Sarah had been killed, had died in his arms, had been the worst of his life. He got you being ready to leave it all behind because most days he was right there with you.

And Joel looked at you and saw himself. He saw the tiredness, the bone deep exhaustion, he saw the hurt and the brokenness that felt like it would never mend. He saw himself in you but he also saw you, he saw the way you didn’t carry a weapon, he had watched a moment that was probably your most vulnerable and he had watched the relief in your features as you fell against him.

It didn’t take him much longer to make his decision.

“C’mon we gotta make the most of the daylight.” Joel said after a few moments of silence and began moving before you could even register his words.

In the span of five minutes you were making two life altering choices, you regretted you first decision but you had a feeling you were making the right decision this time and trailed after Joel as he led the way and for the first time in months it felt easier to breath as you made your way through the city, watching as Joel lay a protective arm in front of you, pushing you behind him, as he dealt with the dead.

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Prompt - “What do you miss most? About life before all of this.”

You were already in bed by the time Joel came back from his shift and didn’t bother opening your eyes as you heard him close and lock the door before quietly walking over to the bed to press a gentle kiss just above your eyebrow. He was quiet as he shut the bathroom door and a few minutes later you heard the shower running, you knew he had been on body burning duty, the job everybody hated getting but paid well.

You let your mind wander whilst Joel showered, a dangerous thing to do most days but especially today when you, even twenty years after the outbreak, were feeling the effects of everything. Some days were fine, they were easy and it felt like you had accepted that this was how the world was now. Those days were great, you liked your little apartment, didn’t mind that you couldn’t leave the walls, you didn’t mind going to work. It was nice to pretend, especially when in those moments it didn’t feel like pretending.

Then there were days like today. Days where you struggled to drag yourself out of bed, hours after Joel had left for his shift. This morning was hard, you felt like your body was being weighed down by the weight of the thousand questions you had that would never be answered, questions of what had become of the people you loved, questions of what if’s and how could this happen. Days like today the world didn’t feel real, it felt like a dream that you would wake up from but you never did. Eventually you pulled yourself from the bed and went to work, on these days your body was on autopilot, you didn’t remember getting ready for work, you hardly remembered being at your job but the repetitiveness of it made it easy. The whole time you worked you weren’t really there, instead you were deep in your head.

It had been twenty years since the world went to hell. Twenty years was a long time, twenty years of questions swarming your head until you felt like you were drowning. How had this become your life? The world had ended and here you were sweeping the streets like it was a regular old day.

You hated it.

Being inside the walls on days like this felt suffocating and you longed to go outside. Joel went out sometimes but he never took you, always said his runs were too dangerous and you didn’t doubt it but a part of you would always long to see the outside of those walls again. The thought of being within the walls until you died made your skin crawl, trapped from the outside world because there wasn’t a cure for this virus, there would never be a cure.

That thought always consumed you with anxiety, turned your blood cold and you had stopping to force yourself to breathe, to push past the tingles in your hands and calm down. Sometimes you could handle it alone but most times it ended with you sitting with your back pressed to the wall and Joel walking in on you, moving over to sit besind you as he pulled you into his arms, his fingers running groundingly up and down your back until it was easier to breathe.

Today you had at least managed to make it to your bed before the anxiety became too much and ever since you had been in an almost paralysed state of staring at the wall in front of you until your eyes were too heavy to stay open and they fell shut though you couldn’t fall asleep no matter how drained your body felt.

You had been so focused on your own thoughts that you didn’t hear the shower shut off or Joel moving around the room as he changed into something comfortable before climbing into the bed behind you.

Joel felt you jump slightly as his arm slid around you, your head turning to look up at him with a confused look before you blinked several times and seemed to register it was just him. He pulled you closer so your back was flush against his chest, his arms around your waist and fingers drawing shapeless patterns into your skin. Slowly he felt you beginning to relax into his touch, not fully out of your head but enough that you could focus on the things that were real.

Joel pressed a kiss to your head and let his lips rest against your hair, smiling softly as your hands came to rest on his arms, your fingers coming to mess with the watch that had sat on his wrist for twenty years.

When you were like this it was easy for Joel to get lost in his own head with you but he always shoved his own thoughts down, it wouldn’t do well to have the pair of you out of your minds with grief.

Joel didn’t say anything, there were never any words to say when you were having a bad day because everything you were thinking was true, every bad thing you thought about the world was right. Joel knew how hard it was to carry the questions that were swimming around in your head because he carried his own questions, felt the weight of them every day.

So instead he did what he could do, he could hold you close to him, he could make sure you didn’t get too lost in your head, made sure you had his touch to ground you back to reality. He would be there for you in ways he knew he could. Most of the time when you had a bad day you tended to not want to speak anyway, sometimes you wanted to hear Joel speak, it didn’t matter what he said but sometimes you just needed more than his touch to help you find your way back. There was the rare occasion, it hadn’t happened more than a handful of times in the many years he’d known you, where you wanted to talk about what was happening in your head.

Today seemed to be one of those rare days.

“I don’t remember what my family even looked like.” You whispered, voice cracking as tears slipped down your cheeks and Joel felt his heart break, he knew what you meant.

Twenty years was a long time, so much happened and things became harder to remember. The sound of somebody’s laugh, the way their voice sounded when they were happy, the way somebody’s hair fell into their face or how they smiled. You could remember the song somebody sang in the morning, could recite all the words to it but couldn’t ever remember how they sounded when they sang it.

“I wonder about them all the time, did they survive, are they out there somewhere? Some part of me hopes they are but then another part of me, the part that’s tired, hopes that whatever happened that they’re at peace.” You said, keeping your voice low as you spoke and focused on the feel of Joel’s fingers through your shirt.

“I’m sorry.” Joel whispered into your hair and you laughed quietly though it came out as more of a sob really.

“You know what the most bittersweet thing is about this whole thing?” You asked, turning in Joel’s arms so you were facing him now, “I got to meet you, it took the world going to shit for us to meet. You are the best thing in my life, before the outbreak and after, you’re the best person I know.”

“I love you too, baby.” Joel murmured as he kissed your forehead. “I love you so damn much, just hate that it took losing everything else to get here. In another life, baby, God, baby I promise in another life everything would be different, you’d never be scared again.”

“What do you miss most?” You asked him and it was a question that made him pause, not because he didn’t know the answer, God he knew the answer straight away, it was something that stuck with him every day of his life. “About life before all of this.”

He had never told you about Sarah, he didn’t know why he hadn’t but he had never spoken about her. Maybe it was because it was still too raw, too painful. Twenty years had gone since she was taken from him and it still felt like yesterday. You spoke about not being able to remember your family but some days Joel would do anything to get the image of his daughter shot, bleeding and dying in his arms out of his head.

“My daughter.” Joel said quietly and watched you pull away from him as you stared up at him in shock, your eyes were still watery as tears stained your cheeks. “I miss my daughter.”

“Joel-” You breathed out, no words coming to you and Joel couldn’t help but smile down at you as he reached a hand up to brush away the tears. “I’m so sorry.”

“Her name was Sarah.” He told you and his smile widened as he watched you mouth her name to yourself. “She was just a kid, twelve, and the best thing I have ever done with my life.”

“You’ve never told me about her.” You said, not prying for anything else but giving him the opening to share her with you if he wanted.

And he did. He wanted to share his life before the outbreak with you. He wanted you to know Sarah, wanted you to love her like he did because she was his whole world. Even twenty years later when so many of the memories he had with her had become foggy he never lost that overwhelming feeling of love.

“That kid- let me tell you if anyone was gonna call me out on my bullshit it was Sarah. The day the world went to hell it was my birthday and she called me right out for not being home on time, for forgetting the cake. Sarah matched me without ever missing a beat, the two of us could go back and forth all day long” Joel chuckled to himself and you smiled over at him, your full attention on him and he paused to kiss your forehead again. “Kid was more athletic than I ever was, she was on the soccer team, God knows how but I still remember her out on the field, still remember she was number 14. She was brilliant, so many awards that we didn’t know what to do with ‘em.”

“She sounds amazing.” You said softly and Joel grinned down at you even as his eyes shined with tears.

“Yeah, yeah she was.” Joel nodded and took a breath, “me and her used to go hiking together, just the two of us out for hours. I don’t even know what we talked about, can’t remember but I know she laughed, I know she loved going. Most kids her age got embarrassed spending so much time with their folks but not Sarah, hell she was always looking for more time for us to do things together.”

“She knew her dad was a special, smart kid.” You told him with a smile and he chuckled wetly.

“Some army asshole, the day the outbreak happened, it was just me and her, he could see we weren’t sick- Sarah hurt her ankle in the accident and I was carrying her but he could see we were fine and this asshole shoots at us. I tried to protect her but…she died in my arms and I couldn’t do anything.” Joel told you and you felt your own eyes well with tears again but you pushed them back as you pulled Joel into you, holding him against you as you murmured soft words of comfort.

“I’m so, so sorry Joel.” You felt your neck wet with his tears as he cuddled into you but you also felt him smile before he pressed a kiss to your skin. “I’m really glad you told me about her.”

“Me too, baby.” He murmured and you ran your hands through his hair. “She was my whole world, that’s what I miss the most from before.”

The two of you held each other, both of your minds filled with what had been lost, what could never be, thoughts of another life where you had met, where you knew each other's families…you had both lost so much and sometimes that pain was easy to get lost in but, through all that pain and suffering, you had also found each other, had found a love neither of you had thought possible, had found the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with even if it was this version of a future that nobody had seen coming.

You and Joel were each other's anchor, making sure you stayed afloat when it was so easy to give up. This new world might have taken everything from you but it had also given you Joel and it was bittersweet but you were grateful to have found him, you weren’t sure either of you would have made it this far without the other.

__________

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Prompt - “I need you to trust me, there’s no time to explain,  just do everything I say and you’ll be safe.”

When you had first moved to Boston you knew then and there you knew your life would change, accepted into one of the top schools on a full ride scholarship, leaving your small town behind and being the first in your family to make such a huge decision. Of course you hadn’t quite expected how drastically your life would change, you hadn’t expected to be sat in your dorm room working on a paper that seemed so important at the time listening to soft music in the background before the radio to cut out abruptly with an emergency broadcast telling you to stay inside, hadn’t expected the flat hum of the phone as it refused to dial any number.

You still remembered those early days, sitting alone in your dorm room with no information on what was happening. You remembered the first bomb dropping, remembered how, even though it was far away, your whole room seemed to shake and you stood from your bed abruptly to run over to your window just in time to see the next bomb. You still didn’t know how you’d survived that but eventually you had to leave your room and that’s when you saw them, or more realistically it saw you first, its head cracking over in your direction before the rest of its body followed and you ran until your chest hurt.

You’d gotten lucky, you’d found one of the quarantine zones in the first month of the government having set them up, you’d been in here long enough to hear people’s horror stories of having to walk for miles, days on end, just to get here, heard how they had narrowly escaped the clickers. You’d only ever seen a handful of them and that had been in the first month of the outbreak, you couldn’t even imagine how they had evolved in the many, many years you’d been in these walls.

It seemed strange at first, hell sometimes it still felt strange, how the world in these walls never seemed to change. Here you were with jobs that provided ration cards, an apartment, if it weren’t for all the guards it’d be easy to forget about the outbreak.

Sometimes you were curious though, you’d stop counting how many years it had been since you first walked into the quarantine zone but it was long enough for you to forget what the outside world looked like. You’d heard stories about what they called the Open City but each one was even more unbelievable than the last, headless clicker roaming the streets, dead that had been set on fire still moving, hordes of them attached to each other as they made their way through the city.

You wanted to go outside, it’s not like you wanted to go very far either but it’d be good to remember what the old world looked like, to remember that beyond these worlds you once had a life, a life that was so different from this.

You had a gun stashed away underneath your floorboards, you remembered how fast the dead things moved all those years ago but it was a risk you wanted to take and there was only one person in the quarantine zone you knew that snuck in and out.

“Joel-” You started to argue but he cut you off before you could even begin.

“Don’t.” Joel said, shutting you down immediately, not even entertaining the idea for a second. “What makes you think I’d ever say yes to takin’ you out there?”

“I’d be with you, Joel, I’d be safe.” You insisted and watched as his face hardened and somehow felt like you’d said the complete wrong thing.

“I can’t keep you safe, Y/N! When I go out there I don’t have to give a damn about anyone else, if I take you out there-” Joel cut himself off as he sat heavily on the sofa and glared at you. “Don’t ask me again.”

“But Joel-” You tried again only to be cut off for a second time.

“What did I just say?” He snapped and you rolled your eyes as you sat down next to him, arms crossed over your chest and definitely not pouting. “Why you so desperate to get yourself killed anyway?”

“Why are you so damn sure I'll get myself killed?” You shot back before sighing and sinking further into the sofa. “I just, I don’t know, ok? Part of me just needs to see the outside world, it’s been so long. I know it’s dangerous, trust me I get it-”

“You don’t get it, Y/N/N.” Joel interrupted you again but this time his voice was softer as he leaned back into the cushions and turned his head towards. “There’s shit out there you don’t need to see, alright?”

“I wanna go outside, Joel.” You told him, lowering your voice to match his, not demanding anything but just repeating it. “I know it’s dangerous and I know I’m asking you to risk a lot but I really want to see outside the walls at least once more in my life.”

“There’s nothing good out there, not anymore.” Joel told you honestly and you nodded, you believed him, the second those bombs fell from the sky it felt like everything good had been taken with them. “You’re safe in here, Y/N, just…just stay in the walls.”

Despite Joel’s warnings you found yourself only a few nights later waiting until the guards’ shifted positions before you were sneaking out, knowing the way through information Joel had let slip across the years. It took a long time, there were a few close calls where you had to be as quiet as possible, but eventually you could see an opening to the city.

By the time you were out of view of the quarantine zone it was too dark to see much of anything, a strange feeling when years ago you had walked Boston’s streets at all hours of night and the streets had been lit up from streetlights, the lights from cars still out at that time, lights spilling out of bars and apartments.

The first thing you noticed was how quiet it was, the stories you’d heard made it seem like the streets would be filled with monsters, you unable to move past them, but the streets sounded empty and so did the building you entered, you weren’t sure how well you’d sleep out in the open city but you were going to hide away until the morning and explore as much as you could before sneaking back into the quarantine zone.

It was surprisingly easy to fall asleep that night and when you woke up the next morning to the sunlight on your face you felt a burst of excitement. Last night it had been far too dark to see anything and you knew you only had a few hours of daylight. It wasn’t long before you were up, double checking your backpack and making sure your gun was loaded before you were pulling the door open, waiting a moment to see if you could hear anything, and heading out into the city.

You paused in the doorway of whatever building you had entered last night and stared out, frozen in disbelief. Skyscrapers had collapsed, some falling into each other whereas others had crumbled into piles of rubble. Greenery covered almost everything in sight and you couldn’t help but notice how the world had never seemed so green before the outbreak, maybe you just couldn’t remember but the city had never felt so full of nature.

As you walked further into the city you saw all the cars, ambulances, police cars, all of them dusty and long since dead, covered with leaves and moss. Your stomach turned as you saw a stuffed bear laying abandoned on the floor, looking up to see a kid’s car seat bloody in the car. You forced your feet to move, surprised at how easy it was to walk through the city, there wasn’t a clicker in sight, you’d been walking for a good hour, making your way through streets and buildings to get to the other side when the way was blocked and other than seeing dead bodies you hadn’t seen much else.

You finally came across a building you remembered, it was the library. In the year you’d lived in Boston you had practically lived in this building, could still remember the text books littering your table as you wrote your papers. To see it now was strange, it was long abandoned and the building had its fair share of greenery growing around it.

You hadn’t even taken five steps into the building, eyes wide as you looked around, when you let out a scream, the sound muffled as a hand wrapped around your mouth and an arm wrapped around your middle, trapping both your arms to your side and stopping you from getting your gun.

“And you're dead.” You heard a voice hiss in your ear before you were shoved away, barely staying upright as you stumbled and turned around.

Joel was stood before you, gun slung around his shoulders as he glared at you and you glared right back even as your breath came out quick and fast and your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest.

“What the hell Joel?” You shouted, stepping forward to push at his chest but he caught your wrist and pulled you close.

“Me?” He questioned in disbelief and tightened his grip as you tried to pull away. “What the hell are you thinking? Clearly you’re not! Jesus Y/N, you could’ve got yourself killed.”

“I asked you to bring me and you didn’t-”

“Don’t you dare put this on me.” Joel told you, his voice cold as he continued to glare at you. “If you die, that shit ain’t on me.”

You knew Joel was only shutting down on you because you had scared him, he liked to think he had his walls up but you’d known him for years at this point and you could read him as easily as you could your favourite book.

Joel hadn’t exactly been looking for friends when you’d met him working the same job but you had been persistent and before he knew it you had wormed your way into his life, even after he swore not to let anyone else in, he couldn’t go through another heartache. At first he kept his distance, refused to answer any questions about his life before but eventually he started letting you in, there was still a lot you didn’t know about his life before but then again the people you were before the outbreak were whole different people so you didn’t mind.

At some point it became second nature to spend all your time with Joel, it was rare to see you without each other and you weren’t surprised when you started liking the man. Joel had been cold and gruff when you had first met him, most people took one look at the man and decided it wasn’t worth the energy it would take to break through that hardened exterior but you hadn’t even given it a second thought, hadn’t been concerned with how long it’d take him to relax around you, you liked cold Joel, he snapped and glared but you liked him.

“Joel,” You began, bringing your other hand up to his, brushing your thumb across his knuckles before pulling his fingers off your wrist, Joel not resisting and you figured maybe he was calming down now that he had you in his sights. “I’m sorry, ok? I know this isn’t a game, I know it’s dangerous but I had to see.”

“Yeah I know you did.” Joel sighed and brought his hand back up to cup the back of your head as he pulled you into his chest and you didn’t hesitate to cuddle into him, finally feeling your heart rate settle. “Is it what you thought it’d be?”

“It’s quieter than I thought,” you told him, pulling back only far enough so that you look up at him questioningly. “It’s weird too, I remember the streets were never quiet and now it’s deadly silent. I remember being in here during exam season and every seat was filled, even if people didn’t speak there was always noise, the turning of a book, somebody coughing, the scratching of pen against paper. The world really ended Joel.”

“You’re alright.” Joel assured as he pulled you back into his chest, wrapping his other arm around your shoulder and it was only then you noticed the tears slipping down your cheeks. It had hit you long ago, the reality of the world, but seeing it again after years of comfortable living seemed to shake you more than you thought it would. “You’re alright, Y/N/N.”

You nodded against his chest and wrapped your arms around his waist, taking a deep breath as you composed yourself. It wasn’t long before you were pulling back and looking around the library. Chairs and tables had been flipped, books and loose pages scattered across the floor whilst leaves and moss covered most of the surfaces.

“We should go.” Joel murmured but you shook your head, turning to look back at him with pleading eyes and he sighed before you could even speak. “One look around and then we go, stay close to me.”

“Thank you, Joel.” You said softly after a moment of silence and watched as he swallowed before he nodded at you and gestured for you to follow him.

Your fingers lightly traced the book shelves, somehow even after twenty years you were still able to find your way around, old, worn signs telling you you had remembered right.

“I used to study back here all the time, me and my friends would work on our papers and prepare for finals.” You told Joel and out of the corner of your eyes you saw him smile softly at you. “Back then it had seemed so important, you know? Like passing those exams or getting the best marks on our papers was the difference between life and death.” You chuckled as you ran your hands along a chair. “God, looking back now we were so stupid.”

“Nobody knew this shit was comin’.” Joel told you and you nodded, looking over at him to see him leant against a bookcase that looked ready to give out.

“It doesn’t even seem real, that life all those years ago.” You frowned as you moved around the table to go down another aisle and Joel nodded, opening his mouth to say something else before you interrupted.

“Oh my god!” You exclaimed, stumbling back into Joel’s chest and he didn’t hesitate to shove you behind him, gun raised before he saw a body on the floor, blood covering him and his chest practically torn apart. “What the hell-”

“Shh.” Joel shushed you, turning around to face you even as his wide eyes focused on everything but you, like he was looking for something.

“Joel-” You whispered but he shushed you again and you felt genuine fear fill you, your stomach dropped and you blood ran cold as you went to look around but Joel stopped you.

“Eyes on me, baby.” He murmured, keeping his voice soft and low, barely audible and you didn’t even have time to appreciate how good him calling you baby sounded as you took a deep breath and turned back to Joel with wide, scared eyes. “I need you to trust me, there’s no time to explain, just do everything I say and you’ll be safe.”

“Joel,” You whimpered and Joel cupped your cheek, bringing your foreheads together as he shushed you once more.

“I know you’re scared, baby, I know,” Joel whispered and you felt your eyes fill with tears. Joel was looking back at you and though he tried to hide it you could see he was scared and if something scared Joel you knew it had to be bad. “We have to be silent now, no more talking, trust me, I’m gonna get you home.”

You nodded and Joel wiped away the single tear that slid down your cheek, before he placed a soft kiss to your forehead and pulled away.

‘Stay behind me.’ Joel mouthed at you and you nodded, practically gluing yourself to his back as he moved, both of you stopping dead in your tracks as an inhuman sound came from behind one of the book cases. You felt your heart stutter as you looked at Joel but his focus was on the direction the noise came from before he turned to look at you.

‘Quiet.’ He reminded you and you nodded, biting your lip hard enough to draw blood to stop any sound from escaping. He tilted his head and you nodded again, keeping half a step behind him as you held your breath.

Just as you turned a corner you gasped but Joel turned and managed to cover your mouth just in time like he had been expecting the reaction. In front of you was, you couldn’t even describe it, it was monstrous, how that had once been human was mind blowing. Tears slid down your cheeks as Joel kept your mouth covered and the thing made its way towards the two of you causing you to screw your eyes shut.

You looked up at Joel when he tapped your cheek and Joel made a gesture where he pointed towards the clicker before he covered his eyes and mouthed ‘they can’t see’ before pointing to his ear ‘they go off sound’. You nodded and Joel removed his hand, watching how your face scrunched up in an effort to slow the tears and suppress any sobs.

He had to get you out of here, it was the only thought in his head as he kept himself between you and the clicker, making sure each step was silent. You’d managed a good few steps before the thing stopped dead in its tracks and turned sharply to face you and you couldn’t stop the sharp intake of breath, that was enough for the thing to launch itself at the two of you.

Joel barely caught it, keeping his arm under its chin to avoid being bitten as he tried to get a good shot on his gun whilst also keeping one eye on you.

“Get out of here!” He yelled at you and he could see you frozen in fear. “Y/N, baby, you gotta go now!”

“I can’t leave you!” You called back and the clicker responded to the noise, trying to fight its way to you but Joel kept his grip on it somehow.

“Y/N I promise I’ll be right behind you!” He grunted as he tried to force the clicker back. “You gotta go!”

You waited another second before nodding and he watched you go with a sigh of relief, finally able to throw the clicker to the side. It only stayed on the floor for a second before it snapped back up and lunged at Joel.

Joel shot at it four times, each time missing its head with how much it was moving. Joel managed to shove it back down on the floor and shoot its chest before running the way you had gone, hiding behind one of the book cases and keeping as silent as possible. In the distance he saw you crouched behind one of the tables and took a silent breath as he peered around to see where the clicker was, the thing was up again and moving through the aisles, thankfully going the other way.

Joel stayed silent as he made his way over to you and saw you with your knees drawn to your chest and your eyes screwed shut. He lightly touched your knee and silently shushed you as your eyes flew open.

He pointed to where the clicker had walked off to and saw the gun clutched in your hands, gently prying it from you and seeing how much ammo you had.

‘You, go out the door, wait.’ He mouthed to you, motioning between you and the door before he watched as you shook your head. He nodded back at you before pointing to himself, raising the two guns he held. ‘I’ll distract it, you go.’

‘Joel,’ you mouthed and he could practically hear your pleading town as more tears slid down your cheeks. ‘I’m sorry.’

Joel just shook his head, you weren’t doing this now, right now he had to get you out of here and then he would deal with everything else. You weren’t going to die today, he wouldn’t let it happen.

‘Go baby.’ He mouthed and gestured for the door, watching as you took a breath, your mouth thinning into a line as you choked back sobs before you nodded at him. He cupped your cheek and you brought your hand up to his, hesitating for a moment before leaning forward.

It wasn’t exactly a kiss, both of you were too focused on being silent for it to be more than a brushing of your lips together but Joel pulled you closer anyway and held you against him for a second longer before he pulled back and brushed his thumb across your cheek bone.

‘Go.’ He mouthed again and this time you nodded more confidently as you stood silently and Joel followed after you, the two of you parting ways so Joel could grab the clicker before it got to you.

He knew how fast these things moved and if he had gone with you the door wouldn’t have even been able to open before it was attacking you, at least this way he could be sure you were out of the door and far away from this damn thing.

The two of you looked at each other and Joel nodded at you, he watched you take a breath before your hand touch the door knob and turned it, the sound causing the clicker to let out a loud noise that had Joel lunging for it before it could take more than a step in your direction. He wrestled the thing, trying to shove it as far away from the door as possible and out of the corner of his eye he watched as you left, finally able to breathe a sigh of relief as he focused on the clicker.

It felt like hours before Joel managed to shove it to the floor, sweat pooling at his forehead as he shot both guns, using up all the rounds before he watched the thing finally lay lifeless, not movements coming from it. He took a moment to lean against the wall and catch his breath before he turned his head to the door.

After a few more seconds he made his way out of the building and scanned the area for you, frowning when he didn’t see you but the frown left as you peaked your head out from behind a car. In a few large steps Joel was pulling you into his chest and you were sobbing as you held onto him like he was your life line.

Joel’s hand rested on the back of your head as he held you up, his arms holding you close to him and he could feel your fingers digging into his back as you choked out apologies. Joel just kept shushing you as you continued to apologise, he knew he needed to move the two of you, he had no ammo left and the dark was starting to set in but he wanted to make sure you were ok first.

“Hey,” Joel said, pulling back and tilting your chin so you could look at him, he didn’t speak as he wiped gently at your cheeks, leaving his hands there as he spoke. “You have nothing to apologise for, alright? You needed to see for yourself what it was like out here, I get it Y/N/N, I do but you’re alright, I promise.”

“I should’ve listened to you Joel.” You sniffed and he smiled softly at you.

“You got an idea in your head, I should’ve known there was no stopping you.” He said and you let out a wet chuckle. “I’m not mad at you, we’re both alright.” Those words made your eyes widen and you pulled back abruptly causing him to frown.

“Are you?” You asked, tugging his sleeves up and inspecting it for bites before moving the collar of his shirt and checking there too. Joel chuckled as he caught your wrists in his hands, more gently than he had earlier and shushed you.

“I’m okay, promise.” He told you and your eyes ran up and down him before you sagged in relief, trusting that he’d tell you if he wasn’t. “Now will you please let me get you home?”

“Please.” You practically begged and Joel smiled softly at you before gesturing for you to follow him though there was no need to really, Joel’s arm was still wrapped around your shoulder and you had practically attached yourself to his side.

It was well into the night by the time the two of you got home, having Joel with you made it easier to sneak in and it wasn’t long before you were quietly entering his apartment. The walk home had been mostly silent, your thoughts running a mile a minute and Joel content with the silence and the feeling of you in his arms to tell him you were ok, that you were alive.

“Go clean up and change.” Joel told you as he closed the door and set his backpack down before moving to take yours off for you and then gently pulling your jacket off.

You didn’t say anything, just smiled over at him before moving into his bedroom and pulling out one of his shirts before shuffling into the bathroom. It was only a few moments later he heard the shower running and let himself collapse into the sofa, suddenly feeling drained now that he had gotten you back to safety.

He knew you were too damn curious for your own good, knew that you needed to see the world for yourself. He should have known you’d have gone out there with or without him, hell some part of him had known and that’s why he checked your apartment at five in the morning before marching back to his room and packing his gun, desperately hoping you hadn’t gone and got yourself killed.

Any of the initial anger he had felt seeing you gone had worn off long before he found you and now he could only feel relief. He knew you were terrified, the last time you had seen clickers up close was when the outbreak started, you’d told him about the bombs in the city and being scared at how fast the things were but this was different, this was twenty years of evolution.

Joel sighed and lay down on the sofa, throwing an arm over his eyes. You were fine, the clicker hadn’t gotten near you and he had got you home safe. He could hear the shower running and knew you’d be out any minute, dressed in his shirt and ready to fall asleep in his arms.

That thought sent his mind back to the kiss. God, it hadn’t even been more than a small brushing of the lips but God, it had left him breathless. He knew you liked him, he wasn’t stupid. At this point you had practically moved into his apartment, the two of you spent more nights asleep together in his bed than you’d slept in your own bed since being here. He just couldn’t put himself in a position to get hurt again but today had shown him how even if he went the rest of his life without telling you how he felt he knew if anything happened to you it’d kill him, so why not at least make the most of the time he had with you.

He didn’t mean to drift off, one second he was just resting his eyes and the next he was blinking awake when he felt something shift next to him. He forced his eyes open and looked down to see you had pushed yourself into the small space between him and the sofa, your body more on him really, and a blanket thrown over the two of you. Your hand gently ran across his chest before you lay it flat against him and cuddled into him.

Joel brought his arm around you and you glanced up at him with tired eyes but still smiled at him and he couldn’t help but return the gesture before he placed a soft kiss to your head.

“Go to sleep, baby.” He murmured and watched as your smile widened, eyes lighting up now that you were safe and could enjoy the way the pet name sounded coming from Joel’s lips.

“Does you calling me baby mean you’re ready to tell me you love me?” You asked, tone light and joking so that Joel didn’t freak out.

“Sure does.” Joel said back, your eyes widening and smile dropping when his tone stayed even and serious, his lips twitching upwards as he looked at your expression. He had thought on the way home how he could tell you and hadn’t come up with anything but you had given him an opening and he decided it didn’t need to be a big deal. He knew how he felt about you and now you knew too. “Go to sleep, baby.”

“Yeah,” You said, still looking up at him in disbelief before your lips pulled into a wide smile and you reached up to cup his cheek before pulling him into a kiss.

The angle wasn’t great for it but that didn’t matter as Joel kissed you back, the kiss soft but filled with lots of pent up emotions but there was no rush, the two of you were home and safe and had each other and plenty of time.

When Joel pulled away he couldn’t help but smile down at you, your eyes stayed closed for a few seconds longer before they fluttered open and you smiled back at him.

“God baby, I’ve wanted to do that for years.” Joel told you, causing you to laugh because he could have done that years ago and you wouldn’t have had any complaints. Despite how badly Joel wanted to keep kissing you, hell he could have spent the whole night like that quite happily, he could see the tiredness in your eyes and could feel his own exhaustion pulling at him so instead he pulled you into his chest and wrapped the blanket around you both tightly before pressing a lingering kiss to your head.

“Get some rest now, baby.” He murmured into your hair and felt you nod against his chest, fingers curling into his shirt as you let your eyes fall closed.

The room was silent except for the sounds of your breathing and Joel had thought you had drifted off until you spoke again, your voice was soft, barely above a whisper but you needed to say it before you fell asleep.

“I love you too.” Joel grinned down at you and kissed your head again, whispering the words back once more before he finally felt you relax fully against him as you fell asleep.

He found it quite easy to follow after you, heart light as the confessions were finally out in the open after years of skilfully avoiding talking about your feelings. His fears from earlier were gone now that you were home and safe in his arms and he swore to himself he would protect you from whatever else the world threw your way.

__________

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Prompt - ‘Rain came pouring down, when I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe.’

There were a lot of moments from the last few months that haunted your every waking day and continued to plague you if you ever managed to fall asleep. The fear you felt in those early days, the dead running around as you desperately tried to barricade the doors to your house, the army rolling in with their guns and offering a safe haven only for your family to decide you’d be better off without their help and hiding out until they left. The next few months that followed saw the food running low, water stopped running, autumn nights turning to winter and getting colder.

The image that really wouldn’t leave your head was the clickers. They were fast, some were too fast to track until it was too late. Even now you could still see them pushing down the door, could see them tearing your family into nothing.

You had been out on the street, gathering what little supplies were still useful when you saw it happening. You couldn’t move, the screams carried up the street and you didn’t know how long you stood there for, staring at the only home you’d ever know, the dead flowers in the front yard, the smashed windows and the door that had been knocked off its hinges.

You didn't want to leave but it was too late. You had no idea where to go, didn’t know where the safe havens the army spoke about where but you picked a direction and walked with your head hung low and tears flooding down your face. It was like the world knew it had taken everything from you, as you walked the sky darkened and the heavens opened, rain soaking your clothes within seconds and leaving you even colder than you had been.

When night came you knew you had to make camp somewhere, it wasn’t safe to carry on when you couldn’t see. It was a strange feeling walking the streets whilst trying to find a place to hide for the night, cars had been turned on their sides, windows were smashed in, trash littered the streets and everything just felt eerie, like you were the only person left.

Eventually you came across a building that had long since been abandoned and tiptoed your way into it, holding your breath as you waited for a clicker to jump out at you. When nothing happened you figured it was safe enough and settled down against the wall, your coat around you as a blanket desperately trying to shield you from the cold.

You didn’t sleep much that night, every time you closed your eyes you saw the clickers, saw your family being torn apart, felt the guilt and the overwhelming sadness. You had no idea what you were supposed to do now, the safest option seemed to be to find one of the safe havens the army had spoken about all those months ago but you had no idea where they were.

It seemed the only realistic option you had was to just keep walking and hope you found something, some remains of humanity, some government site overflowing with people.

So that’s what you did, after getting too few hours of rest you pulled yourself back up, searched the building you were in for some supplies and headed out again, just picked a direction and tried to let your mind go empty as you walked. It wasn’t easy though, each step away from your home seemed to get harder and harder until it felt like you were pulling a boulder along with you.

As much as you didn’t want to think it seemed to be all you were capable of, thoughts running wild until you were drowning inside your own mind, desperately trying to breathe but it became harder and harder. Eventually you had to stop and force yourself to breathe normally, to wait for your vision to focus again before you continued on your way.

You had walked for miles, no clue where you were but your feet were aching something fierce by time you called it a night and found another safe place to hide for a few hours. You knew you wouldn’t get any sleep, the day had been long and filled with unpleasant thoughts that had tears streaming down your face, you couldn’t imagine your dreams would give you a rest either.

The next morning you were up before the sun had had a chance to fully rise, not able to appreciate the quietness of the morning or the way the sky filled with a golden light that spread across everything below or the fresh air. Instead the quiet left you feeling unsettled, your mind was too dark to let any of the morning sun light it up and your lungs felt too tight to breathe the air in.

You didn’t know how long you’d been walking for but eventually you stopped in your tracks, passing through a city you heard a noise around the next corner and held your breath, terrified of what you’d find.

So far you hadn’t come across a single person so your thoughts automatically jumped to the source of the noise being clickers. When you peeked your head around the corner as silently as you could you almost sobbed in relief when you saw actual, real people. Sure they didn’t look all too friendly with their guns strapped to them but you figured in this new world it made sense that the only people left alive would be well armed.

You hesitated for a moment, not sure what you should do but one of the men in the group solved the issue for you when he looked up, a gun immediately trained in your direction and everyone else followed suit. You let out a small cry and immediately ducked back behind the wall.

“Come out with your hands up!” One of the men shouted and you hesitated again, these were the first people you’d come across and you needed help, plus they already knew you were here and probably weren’t just going to let you wander off without knowing if you were a threat.

Slowly you walked around the corner, shaky hands raised and took a few steps towards them, meeting the group halfway.

“Well ain’t you a sweet thing.” One of the men grinned at you and you barely held back a shudder of disgust, your gut telling you to run the other way as fast as you could but you ignored it. “You carrying any weapons on you, baby?”

You opened your mouth in an attempt to speak but the words got stuck in your throat so you just shook your head, taking a hesitant step back.

“What you doing out here all alone without a weapon? You workin’ for someone?” A different man asked, thrusting his gun towards you.

“I’m, I’m not working with anybody.” You told them before wincing, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to let them know you were alone out here. “I got separated from my friend, we’re looking for one of those government safe places.”

You watched as a sickening smile spread across the group's lips, a shudder running down your spine as you waited for somebody to speak.

“Hate to break it to ya, sweetheart, but they were lying ‘bout those places,” the first man spoke and you felt your stomach drop, he had to be lying, there was no way this was all that was left of the world. “You think those fuckers were doing anything to help us, nah this is it now, ain’t nobody helping us.”

“What do you mean they were a lie?” You found the courage to ask, convincing yourself he was lying but another part of you believed it, everything else had gone wrong, why not this too?

“They just told people that before taking them away and slaughterin’ them all. Now we gotta look out for ourselves. Surprised you lasted so long, where you from anyway?” The man asked and you swallowed around the lump in your throat, a sinking wave of depression flooded you, this really was the world.

“S-Stanford. I’m from Stanford.” You choked out, not even fully registering the conversation anymore, anxiety running through your whole body.

“Stanford, eh? Long way from home, you even know where abouts you are, love?” He asked, watching as you shook your head before he grinned. “We’re in Hartford, you walk all the way out here, how long you been travellin’ for?”

“I don’- I don’t know, a day or two.” You told him, finally forcing yourself back to the conversation and seeing how some of the men slowly moved around, it was a move that was clearly meant to look casual but it sent a shiver of fear through you.

“Wow, you hear that boys, she’s been out here for two days. You must be real tired now, huh? We can help you out, we got food, a place to sleep. Of course it ain’t gonna be free but there ain’t no reason to let a sweet little thing like yourself go to waste.” You were circled in, fear running through you and wondering how you were going to get out when they all had guns and you had nothing but the bag on your back.

“I appreciate the offer, really I do, but I think I’m just going to find my friend.” You said shakily, taking a step back, eyes desperately looking for a way out.

“Now you see that ain’t gonna work with me, it’s been too long since I had a pretty little toy.” The man grinned again and you let out a shaky breath.

There was an opening between two of the men but it would mean you had to be quick, hopefully managing to slip past them and then you’d have to run and not risk looking back. You knew you only had one shot at this otherwise you’d be trapped here with them and you refused to let yourself think of what that life would look like.

You waited for the right moment, waited for the guy who had been talking to glance behind him, telling another man to get the car ready. It was then you bolted, constantly moving so that the bullets flying after you couldn’t hit you, running until your feet were even sorer than they had been and your sides ached and burned.

You didn’t stop for what felt like hours but finally it was too much and you had to stop, falling to the floor and panting for air, sweat dripping off you as you pulled your bag off your back and pulled a water out. There was only half left and you knew you had to save it but you couldn’t help but drink most of it.

You somehow managed to pull yourself back up after catching your breath, dragging yourself to shelter. It was the first night you were able to sleep, exhausted and emotionally drained from the day but even in your sleep you couldn’t find any peace, haunted by the images of your dead family, of men forcing you to do whatever they wanted just because they had a gun to point at your head, of a world with no safe place.

When you woke up you felt even more drained than you had before sleeping, the heaviness of your limbs dragging you down, the man’s words ringing in your ears about there being nothing left out here. You hated to believe him but you had walked a long way and found nothing so far.

There was nothing out here anymore.

Still you kept walking, the weight on your shoulders becoming heavier and heavier with each step. You camped out for two more nights, not sure where you were and uncaring. You stopped looking for clickers in the buildings before you entered them, stopped peaking around every corner, and had given up looking for food or water. The only thing of use you had found was a gun, it was old and beat up but it had one bullet in it and you put it in your backpack, with only one bullet you’d make it count.

You were nothing more than an empty shell, a ghost wandering the empty streets of whatever city you had managed to walk to. There was nothing left out here anymore, maybe people like the men you had met days ago could thrive in this new world but you knew you couldn’t. You’d lost everyone and everything you held close, you were alone and there was nothing out here.

You could feel the bone deep exhaustion, the pain that felt like it would last a lifetime and you weren’t sure you could deal with it, not in this world anyway.

You had walked through the night, not caring enough to stop and rest, you never rested, haunted by the memories and nightmares that were now your life. It was easy to just keep walking, fighting to keep your head above water and keep breathing.

You weren’t so sure you wanted to keep fighting. What was the point anymore?

The sun was beginning to rise, you could see the sky turning a burnt orange and figured you’d find a place to watch it. You didn’t have to walk for very long before you came across a long bridge crossing the water, some of the railings were gone from where cars had swerved into them and you sat down heavily, swinging your legs over the edge.

The sun was higher now, the golden tones shining against the water, turning the crystal blue orange. The sounds of the water crashing together actually made your shoulders relax for the first time in days and you knew that it was time.

There was nothing left for you here anymore, you knew you didn’t want to live alone in this world.

Without taking your eyes off the view you reached into your backpack and pulled out the gun, one bullet, one shot to make count. You’d never used a gun before, the metal heavy in your hands and you ran your fingers along its edges before cocking the gun and placing it under your chin.

Tears filled your eyes but you weren’t scared, not really. You kept your eyes ahead, staring at the rising sun. It was the right thing to do, it was either die by your hand or by some clicker or a dark, twisted person. There weren’t any good people left anymore, to have lasted this long there couldn’t be.

You had gotten lucky, managing to hide away with your family, isolated in a town full of supplies but it had only been a matter of time. The image of the clickers tearing your family apart, hearing their screams, came to the forefront of your mind and you knew this was the right thing to do, even if your finger did shake slightly on the trigger.

You took a deep breath, you were ready.

“Hey.” A soft voice called out from behind you causing you to jump, finger falling from the trigger as you whipped around to see a man standing on the bridge with his hands raised in front of him. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“Go away.” You choked out, so ready to be done with it.

“Fraid I can’t do that.” The man said and you struggled to keep the tears at bay. “You don’t wanna do that, trust me.”

“Why? Why wouldn’t I want this? There’s nothing left out here.” You cried, watching as the man frowned at you, talking a few steps towards you before crouching down, his hands still raised. “My family is dead. I’m the only one left, why wouldn’t I want to do this?”

“I get it, trust me I do, more than you’d think.” The man told you, keeping his voice as soft as he could, almost like he were speaking to a scared animal, like one wrong word, if he even slightly raised his voice, then you’d spook. “But this ain’t the way to do things. There’s people, let me take you to them, they’ll get you some food, give you a place t’stay. It won’t make it better but you won’t have to do it alone.”

“There are no people anymore.” You told him through a sob and his face softened even more.

“There’s a Quarantine Zone, maybe an hour's walk from here, I was heading back there, let me bring you.” The man pleaded and you shook your head, not believing him. “Whatever you heard about these places, some of it’s true, some fell, some were taken over but this one’s still standing.”

“It doesn’t matter, you said it yourself, a bed and some food won’t make everything better.” You said, wiping at the tears falling down your cheeks.

“No it won’t.” He agreed and moved closer to you until he was sitting next to you, gazing at the rising sun. “I lost someone too, my whole world taken from me. Most important thing in my life was gone like that and it wasn’t fair, wasn’t fair the way I was just supposed to go on when my little girl was gone. It don’t get easier, God I wish I could tell you it did but this isn’t the way.”

“I miss them so much.” You whispered, tears falling freely down your cheeks but the weight on your shoulders, the one you’d been carrying for days, and it was hard to believe it had only been days since your whole world turned upside down, it wasn’t gone, you didn’t think that weight would ever leave, but it wasn’t so heavy.

“I know you do.” The man sighed, turning to look at you and he reached over, keeping his movements slow. You looked down and watched his fingers close around your gun, gently pulling it out of your hands and moving it away from you. You didn’t try to stop him either. “But they wouldn’t want you to do this.”

“I know.” You sobbed, shaking your head and looking back up at the man. “I know they wouldn’t but it’s so hard, they’re gone and I’m here.”

“Let me bring you back to the QZ, it won’t make everything better but it’s a start.” The man murmured, reaching out hesitantly cupping your face, his thumb softly brushing at your cheeks.

You were silent for a few moments, unlike with the men you’d met days ago your gut wasn’t screaming at you to run, nothing was telling you this man wanted to harm you. You didn’t trust him, you weren’t sure you would ever trust anyone in this world but you were willing to give him a chance.

“I’d like that.” You whispered, leaning into his touch, and he smiled softly at you, when you returned the expression you found it was easier than you would have thought.

As you agreed to go with him, rain suddenly came from nowhere, not a little drizzle but a full on downpour of rain that drenched you and the man in seconds. The man looked up at the sky in annoyance but you couldn’t help but laugh, it might have been more of a sob than a laugh really.

Suddenly it felt like you could breathe again, sat on the bridge with the sun higher now, a kind stranger by your side who gave you some semblance of hope that maybe the world wasn’t entirely doomed, you could breathe. You knew the pain and longing would last you a lifetime but if you could just find, just hold on to moments like this, moments of hope then things might get a little bit better.

“We should get going.” The man called over the rain, letting you have a moment to laugh, to look up at the sky and let the rain wash over your face, mixing with the tears.

He watched you nod and he stood up, reaching a hand out for you to take yours. You hesitated for only a moment, eyes searching his before your hand wrapped around his and you let the man pull you to your feet. Once you were up the man gave your hand a squeeze before letting go and putting your gun in his backpack.

“I’m Y/N, by the way.” You told him once the two of you started walking, finding it was easier to put one foot in front of the other when somebody was by your side.

“Joel.” The man offered his name and you couldn’t stop the small smile twitching at your lips.

He was right, things wouldn’t ever get better and you would always feel the loss of everything but you were glad he was there, glad he hadn’t seen a girl about to put herself out of her misery and left her be. It still hurt every day but he was right about another thing too, you didn’t have to do it all on your own.

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I Wish You Would

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Prompt - ‘I wish you would come back, wish you were right here, right now, it's all good, I wish you would.’

Joel found himself walking the lengths of the gated community most nights, his thoughts wild and harsh, berating himself for being so stupid. Most of the time he waited until Ellie was asleep but some nights he felt caged and marched out whilst the kid was still downstairs, Ellie shaking her head every time he shrugged on a coat and opened the door but he was just glad she hadn’t called him out on his bullshit yet. He knew it was coming, it had been months in the making but he just wasn’t in the mood for it. He’d walked for a while but his feet always ended up taking him down the old familiar path that led him to your house.

How many nights had he spent just standing on your porch, fist raised as he thought about knocking before he turned with his tail between his legs?

Too many, too damn many.

It had been months since the breakup, god how had so much time passed already? He didn’t even know how it had turned into a relationship, he sure as hell hadn’t brought Ellie and himself back here with any intentions of getting himself a girl. But then you showed up, all pretty eyed and bright smiles and somehow, somehow, you had managed to worm your way into his life, somehow you had become part of the small number of people he would tear the world apart for to keep safe.

After Ellie he thought that was it, he didn’t think anybody else would be capable of coming into his life and turning it upside down again. You just seemed to love proving him wrong.

He’d gone twenty years without giving a damn about anyone else but suddenly he seemed to be making up for all that lost time given how fiercely and how strongly he loved the pair of you.

He’d already showed what he was capable of when Ellie was in danger but with you he had never had a reason to show just how dangerous he could be if you were in trouble, thankfully you weren’t put out on duty too often and you spent your time inside the gates but he knew if it came to it he’d kill anyone who even looked at you wrong.

And he had messed it all up. Even before the world ended he had never been any good at the whole dating thing. His job took up most of his time and when he got home he was tired and more content to spend the evening with Sarah than some woman.

He knew he liked you, it was a slow thing at first, he tried to keep you at arm’s length, tried to avoid you and distance himself but damn it if you were persistent. Tommy told him you were good, somehow even after all the doom and gloom you still found a way to be way kinder than people deserved.

It was Ellie that forced you into his life though. She wasn’t a stupid kid, not by any means, and she could tell that Joel liked you. So one day when Joel had gotten up from the sofa to make dinner not too long after she’d gotten in from school Ellie told him she’d invited you over to join them.

The look on Joel’s face was one Ellie had not seen before, he was torn between being pissed at her for springing it on him but he was also flustered, stammering out something unintelligible before demanding she help him cook seeing as she was inviting people over.

He had thought dinner would be awkward, full of stilted silences but seemed to forget that was impossible when Ellie was there. She must have asked you a hundred questions that night, one after the other, Joel had been tempted to tell her to calm it after the first thirty but you were smiling and answering them all, shooting them back at her and Joel couldn’t stop the smile that twitched at his lips.

From then on it became a regular occurrence, you joining them for dinner, most of the time you brought dessert that had Ellie grinning and swiping it from you before you even had a foot in the door. It was domestic in a way, listening as Joel scolded her with no real heat as he let you into the house and you automatically joined him in the kitchen to help finish up the meal. He scolded you for that too insisting you were a guest but you always shook him off with a laugh.

From there it went on, you stayed for longer after dinner was finished, Joel broke out the board games and grouched to himself when he was beaten by you whilst Ellie laughed at his misery. That turned into staying until Joel sent Ellie to bed and he saw you out.

Eventually it got to the point where you were staying long after Ellie had gone upstairs, you and Joel moving closer together on the couch until you were pressed against each other. Each of you usually had a drink and the conversations you had covered pretty much everything, at first they stayed on the safe topics of what you had done before the outbreak and other mundane things but eventually you started opening up to each other, Joel told you about Sarah, you told him how you were the only one who made it from your family.

Joel had never met anybody like you. He was right in his earlier assumption that you were too damn kind for your own good. Joel had told you things that should have sent you running, should have had you keeping as much distance between you and him as you possibly could have. Instead you had taken his hand in yours and rested your head on his shoulder before telling him he had done the right thing, that he had protected Ellie and that was the best thing he could do.

He didn’t know how you’d managed to survive out on your own for so long before coming across this place, too trusting and too nice, but somehow you had and he had never been more thankful.

It had taken months for Joel to finally even admit to himself that he was already halfway in love with you. At the point he had you had practically moved in with them, more and more of your things kept finding their way into their house, you fell asleep on the sofa and help Joel make breakfast before walking Ellie to school and heading to your own job only to meet back up with the girl afterwards and head to their house.

Ellie was a pain about it all, she wanted you and Joel together and she kept coming up with reasons to excuse herself giving you and Joel time together whilst shooting him a look each time she left the room. Joel could only ever roll his eyes at the look but even he could admit it was getting annoying now.

He wanted you, he didn’t know how it had happened but he wanted you and he knew despite everything you knew, despite the fact that he probably wasn’t the best thing for you, you wanted him too.

It took him a few more weeks to finally decide to just jump in head first and see what happened. So after cleaning up from dinner and playing a few games in the living room Ellie excused herself with a pointed look at Joel and this time instead of the half hearted glare he gave her each night he just nodded his head slightly and watched as she gawked at him before disappearing up the stairs, a soft yes escaping her as she left.

You had been able to tell Joel was nervous and usually if something was setting Joel off you’d be on edge too but considering it was just the two of you pressed shoulder to shoulder on the sofa you had hoped you could see where this night might lead. You’d been waiting for Joel to make a move for a long time now, not wanting to be the first to do it with how closed off Joel had been when you first met and then not wanting to ruin the friendship you had patiently formed with him. It was for the better to let Joel take the lead, even if it had been months of waiting.

He had watched your face shift from questioning to realisation and amusement as you settled even closer to him and waited. Of course you knew why he was nervous, some days it felt like you knew every damn thought in his head before he did.

He didn’t bother wasting anymore time, didn’t bother with words that felt stuck in his throat that could never do justice for how he felt for you, instead he just reached up to cup your cheek with a gentleness that had surprised you and leaned in towards you, stopping you before he touched your lips to give you a chance to pull away.

But you didn’t move, your eyes had fallen closed and your breath hitched despite anticipating this. Joel let himself close the distance between the two of you, let himself take a moment to savour the softness of your lips against his chapped ones before the kiss turned hungry, months and months of pent up pinning all channelled into one kiss.

From there nothing between either of you was ever really defined but it didn’t matter, Joel didn’t need any labels to let him know that he was in love with you. Nothing much really changed either after you started dating, it was only a few months after that kiss that Joel finally helped you bring your stuff around to their house and the three of you quickly got your stuff unpacked and you were settled in like you had never not been there.

Joel didn’t realise how empty, how lonely, he was before settling down, before having you and Ellie together, the pair of you at the kitchen table, heads bent together working on her homework, spending the nights with you curled up against him, listening to you laugh as he tried to kick you out of the kitchen as he cooked.

Really he should have known better, past experience should have taught him something, should have made him more cautious, but he had jumped head first in and now it was blowing up in his face.

It had been months, he couldn’t even really remember what that damn fight that made you walk out of the door with tears in your eyes was about. All he could remember was that it was the end of September, a time that always left him emotionally fragile at the best of times, and you had questioned whether he should be the one to go out on the supply run.

You hadn’t been anything but your sweet, soft spoken self, there wasn’t any judgement in your tone, no demands he stay inside the gates, just a simple are you sure you’re ok enough to do this. Joel being the absolute idiot that he was had gone and blown it out of proportion, honestly he was just picking a fight for the sake of it, he had so much anger and hurt and sadness in him that day and he took it out on you.

You who had been an absolute saving grace in this whole mess of a world, you who had stood by him no matter what, you who woke up in the night with whispered words and soothing touches when he shot up sweaty and panting and never forced him to talk about it before he was ready.

He had just kept going and going, yelling at you when you were the last person on this god forsaken planet who deserved it. He kept going until you took a deep breath and nodded, tears in your eyes and turned, walking out of the front door and not sparing him another glance.

It had been months since then, it was well into autumn now, the sky turning dark faster and the leaves turning brown. He hadn’t spoken to you once, he wanted to so badly but he knew he had messed up.

Ellie had called him every name she could think of to get him to see what an idiotic jerk he had been but he didn’t need her to tell him, he was well aware. He was aware of just how bad he messed up, hated himself for leaving it for so long but after he had calmed down and put the bottle of whiskey Tommy had given him months back away he couldn’t bring himself to talk to you.

He regretted it every day and wished he could just follow Ellie’s advice to suck it up and knock on her door you fucking idiot but time kept passing and it felt like too long had gone.

Joel was an idiot, you knew that, but you also knew he wasn’t used to letting other people in. Sure you and Ellie had somehow managed to chip at his walls long enough to slip past his defences and he was trying but you knew it was hard for him.

Spring and summer with Joel had been perfect, the two of you had only grown closer since you’d started dating and you loved the man, emotionally stunted as he was. You knew he had good days and you knew he had terrible ones, ones that left him in bed the whole day, words stuck in his throat as he grunted answers at you.

You didn’t mind, you had never minded. The world was a cruel place now and though Joel had told you a lot of what he’d gone through since the outbreak you knew there were things he hadn’t told you yet and that was ok too, you never pushed, especially not when there were things you kept to yourself.

When you had left his house that day you knew it would end one of two ways, Joel would come and find you once he had a few nights to calm down, to get past the day that haunted him from so many years back. You got it, you really did, it had been years since you lost your family and whenever an anniversary came around you didn’t want to do more than curl into Joel’s arms, hiding away whilst you cried into his chest.

The other option was that Joel would avoid you like you were a damn clicker, making sure the two of you were never in the same room whilst he licked his wounds. You hated that that was the option he went with. It wasn’t just months of dating that just ended one day but it was months of friendship before that. You were so used to his house that when you asked Tommy for yours back and he agreed with a sad look on his face it felt like you were in a stranger's house despite having lived there for years before Joel and Ellie showed up.

There was no more dancing around the kitchen as you cooked, no more stolen kisses and laughter filling the house. Instead you were alone in a house too big for you, cold and empty and missing Joel.

Of course you weren’t entirely lonely, you and Joel might not have been talking but you had to admit you were surprised when Ellie showed up at your door a few mornings after your fight with Joel, backpack on and demanding you walk her to school. You weren’t complaining of course and you didn’t complain when you walk past the school a few hours later and Ellie attached herself to your side, it was the closest she would come to giving either of you comfort but you took it silently and didn’t push her away when she walked into your house and made herself comfortable.

You were glad he hadn’t cut Ellie off from you, not that you ever thought he would and even if he did you knew Ellie would never allow it. Ellie was unlike anyone you’d ever met, so much of Joel in here and yet she was entirely her own person, so quick on her feet, always ready for a fight whilst silently always wanting some assurance that things were good and safe.

You didn’t even care how much time passed honestly, if Joel were to knock at your door now and apologise you’d have him back a second later. All you wanted was an apology, you might have been kind but it didn’t mean you would let people treat you wrong, you hadn’t survived twenty odd years in this new world by letting people walk all over you.

Most nights you lay in bed, the sound of people moving around outside could be heard but you blocked it out as your mind wandered. You always wished Joel would come to you, you dreamed about seeing him and watching as he stammered out an apology that he wasn’t used to giving before you would finally feel his arms around you again. You just wished he would show up and everything could go back to normal.

At the same time you were laying awake night after night missing the feeling of Joel’s arms around you, Joel was tossing and turning in his own bed that felt too empty without you in it with him. He ended up kicking the blankets off him more nights than not and forcing his feet into his boots, checking on Ellie to make sure she was safe and sleeping before quietly making his way out of the house.

Walking the lengths of the community didn’t really make it easier to dull the ache but he is able to sort through his thoughts easier than when he’s laying in bed staring up at the ceiling. The cold autumn air made him tug his coat tighter around himself as his thoughts went back to you.

God, you were the first person he had ever pictured something with, the first person he had wanted a relationship, a future, with. He had never seen himself as the type of person that would fall in love with somebody, for so much of his life he hadn’t had anyone and he had been fine with that but now he had had you and he wanted you back more than anything.

Night after night he found his feet walking unconsciously to your house. Each night he would stand at the closed door, pacing the length of the porch before turning back to the door and raising his fist. Whilst you were inside wishing he would knock he was sighing to himself as he lowered his hand and turned away, heading back to his cold bed for another night without you.

“You can’t keep doing this, Joel.” Ellie sighed a few weeks later, her voice uncharacteristically soft for this topic of conversation. “You’re miserable and not sleeping, I hear you sneaking out at night. She’s just as miserable, all she wants is for you to say sorry and then you’ll never have to talk about it again.”

“You don’t get it, Ellie. I messed up and now I’ve left it too damn late, she doesn’t deserve this.” Joel told her, keeping his voice steady even as his hands shook because the kid was right, he was so exhausted and he missed you.

“She loves you, Joel, she never stopped. She hates that house, just…just put everything aside, it doesn’t matter if you think she deserves better, she wants you.” Ellie told him as she stood up and grabbed her backpack. “She misses you and you miss her, you deserve something good, Joel.”

With that she turned to leave and Joel let his head fall into his hands. He knew she was right, he knew he was only making you both miserable and she had a point, no matter how many times he’d told you that you deserved better you always rolled your eyes and shut him up with a kiss, mumbling against his lips for him to stop being stupid.

He thought about that short conversation all day, it was nothing he hadn’t thought of himself but hearing Ellie say it made it sound more reasonable. You both loved each other and that was something rare, why was he so determined to mess it up?

That night he climbed out of bed again, stopping to check in with Ellie and rolling his eyes when he saw she was awake and grinning at him. He shook his head and told her to go to sleep before making his way out of this house. This time he forwent his usual walk of the community and instead made his way to your house hoping you would hear him out.

He didn’t have a speech ready, no grand words to win you back. He’d tried to pull something together but everything sounded forced and strained so he figured he’d see what he came up with when he saw you.

All he really knew was that he missed you and he loved you and even though that was scary, god was it terrifying, you were worth everything.

Now he suddenly understood all that romantic crap Frank prattled on about, about how there was somebody out there for everybody, somebody who would change the way he looked at things, changed the way he saw the world. He had always rolled his eyes when Frank started spouting poetry about love and finding your person even in this new cruel world but now he got it, he got what Bill had said when he read those words about finding the one person worth saving and protecting them because that’s what men like him were here to do and Bill was right, god help any motherfuckers who stood in their way.

Right now the motherfucker standing in the way was himself and he refused to drag this out any longer, if he knocked at your door now and you slammed it in his face then he’d accept it but if there was a chance you’d forgive him then he had to take it.

It wasn’t long before he was at your door and this time he didn’t give himself a chance to linger around, instead his fist knocked on the door and seemed to echo almost too loudly in the dead of the night.

Your heart sped up when you heard the knock on your door, there were only two people it could be and one of those was a young girl who wouldn’t bother with knocking, instead just letting herself in unannounced. The other was the man who had taken up permanent residence in your mind.

You threw a robe over your pyjamas to ward off the chill and slowly made your way down the stairs, trying to prepare yourself for coming face to face with Joel again for the first time in months.

Joel was a damn near nervous wreck as he waited for you to open the door, fists clenched at his sides as he cursed himself for listening to Ellie. You were probably asleep, it was probably for the best you didn’t answer anyway.

Just as he was about to turn and run the door opened and stopped him dead in his tracks. He could only stare at you, frozen in place like a deer in headlights. Ellie had been right, you clearly weren’t sleeping if the dark circles under your eyes were anything to go on, you had clearly been in bed though, hair slightly messy from where you had been tossing and turning and he could see you were wearing his shirt under your robe.

“God, I missed you.” He breathed out and then nearly slapped himself because that wasn’t what he had meant to say at all but the small smile that tugged at your lips was worth the slip up.

“What’re doing here, Joel?” You asked softly, leaning against the door frame and wrapping the robe even tighter around yourself as the air from outside hit you.

“Doing somethin’ I should’ve done a long time ago.” Joel sighed as he straightened up, it was easier now that you were in front of him, easier to breathe, easier to think, easier to speak. “You got every right to hate me, I should never have spoke to you like that and I sure as hell shouldn’t have waited all these months to come apologise. I ain’t gonna stand here and make excuses, I did what I did and I am so sorry, Y/N, I always told you you deserved someone better and I hate that I messed up so bad. I ain’t here asking you to take me back, I miss you like crazy but I get that I waited too long but you need to know I truly am sorry, baby.”

You were silent for about the longest minute of Joel’s life before your smile widened some more and you stepped forward, wrapping your arms around his waist and resting your head against his chest.

Joel froze for a moment, stiff in your hold before you felt him practically melt around you, arms wrapping around your shoulders, one hand coming up to rest against the back of your head as he held you close to him, savouring the way you felt against him after months of doubting if he’d ever feel you again.

“That’s all I was waiting for, I just wanted an apology.” You murmured into his chest and Joel took a shaky breathing. “I love you, Joel, that never changed.”

“I love you too, you know that don’t you, baby?” He asked and you looked up at him, smile still in place as you nodded and reached up to press your lips to his.

Joel let himself be pulled into the kiss, let it stay soft and slow as he cupped the back of your head to pull you closer. Eventually the two of you pulled away, unable to do more than just smile at each other.

“We’re good?” Joel whispered as he leaned his forehead against yours, feeling as you nodded again.

“Yeah, we’re good.” You said softly causing Joel to lean down for another kiss before he pulled away again.

“Go put your shoes on, it’s about time you came home.” He told you, keeping his voice soft and low.

You didn’t hesitate to turn around and slip your feet into the first pair of shoes you found by the door, just as desperate to go home as Joel seemed to be to have you there. The two of you didn’t speak as you walked the short distance back to the house, Joel tucking you under his arm with both of you thankful that you were coming back.

Both of you were exhausted, it had been months of sleepless nights without the other and it seemed to hit the pair of you the second you were wrapped up under the blanket, you curled into Joel’s chest as his arms rested around you. Immediately you felt your eyes close, too heavy to keep open and Joel struggled to pry his open.

“Glad you’re back home, Y/N/N.” Joel murmured into your hair and you could only hum and nod tiredly against his chest. “Gonna spend the rest of my life treatin’ you right.”

“Love you, Joel.” You whispered into his chest and Joel smiled tiredly as he pressed a kiss against your hair.

“I love you too, baby.” Joel whispered back and forced himself to stay awake until he heard you breathing even out and he was sure you were asleep.

The next morning Ellie couldn’t contain her smug grin as she came downstairs to the sound of laughter and music from the record player. Joel was the first one to see her and he couldn’t even pretend to glare at her, he owed that kid more than she knew and this was just another thing to add to the list, without her he sure as hell wouldn’t have pulled his head out of his ass and fixed things between you and him before they became too broken.

You were more than happy to have your routine back, cooking and laughing with Joel, sitting at the table making easy conversation with the two people you loved most in the world, glad that your wish was answered and Joel had finally knocked at your door to bring you home.

Joel Miller Taglist (Click the link in my bio to add yourself!) -

@avengersfan25, @happycupcakeenthusiast, @cilliansangel, @sleepylunarwolf, @spideysimpossiblegirl, @definitelykyles, @top1bbgloak, @handsupforamiracle,  @irishavengersassemble, @nao1800,  @hysteriaabsd, @imposter-27, @hoplessromantic17, @kitten-xoxxo , @mirasantidotes, @audrie-bryant, @pank0w, @lillianacristina​, @soldierheart

Thank you so much for reading!💙

I WRITE FOR;

- The Last Of Us part 1 & part 2

- Stranger Things

~ Mike, Eleven, Will, Joyce, Jim , Dustin , Lucas , Max , Erica, Billy , Murray , Argyle , Jonathan , Nancy , Henry , Steve, Robin , Eddie , Jason.

- The Walking Dead ( both game and show )

- Life Is Strange

- Detroit Become Human

- Uncharted

- Resident Evil 7 & Village

- Emma ( 2020 version )

Ellie Williams x fem!reader who are best friends and they have to stay in from patrol because of a storm

A lot of teasing between the two, And some smut and fluff?

This one will be my first Ellie imagine so I'm gonna make sure I do my best! Thank you so much for your request 💜 It means a lot to me.

He's such a daddy 🤤🤤

I take requests for The Last Of Us part 1 & part 2 !!! If you have any, don't be shy and send them please!!!!

A/N: Joel Miller is our daddy. That's it.

Things Joel Miller would say when Reader's in stress:

" Everything will be okay babygirl, just focus on me."

  " Focus on my breathing okay? Just look at me "

  And If she starts crying:

  " Aww no baby don't. I'm here for you. "

  Just rubs her back and kisses her cheeks.

  " Daddy loves you so much babygirl. Do you love him back? "

     You nod.

   " Good girl. Come here now. Let daddy take care of you. "

  Let me know If you liked this. I just wanted to write something before I begin writing requests you guys sent me 💜

Hey guys!! I have just finished writing a request and I must say that went pretty well for me but I hope you guys like it! Will be publishing it 3 or 4 hours later though.

Get ready for smutty smut!!!!!

“Shut up” “Make me”

    A/N- This one is my first Ellie x reader imagine so I hope you guys like it! Hella smutty btw. Oh also it’s like my second time writing smut. Let me know If you liked it!

  Warnings- SMUTTY SMUT! Dirty talking, Ellie x fem!reader, lots of teasing by reader and Ellie as well.

   Request from- Anonymous

   Summary-  Ellie and Reader are best friends and have to stay in from patrol  because of a storm.

   gif from Pinterest!

   You opened your eyes to a rustling sound on your side. After stretching well in bed, you turned to your right and saw that Ellie had already gotten out of bed. You know, there was no patrol today? Confused, you slowly got up from your bed and sat on the edge of the bed. You had obviously been drinking heavily the night before, and you had no recollection of what happened last night. In fact, there was only one thing you remember, and that was when you and Ellie walked into her house with lots of laugh and suddenly you threw yourself on the bed.  Afterwards, a dark but peaceful sleep.

   Spending time with Ellie had always been great for you. You and the girl were almost the same and always supported each other. Her smile at you made your day better. But when she spent time with others, it was as if the world was falling apart. You always wanted her to spend time with you and tell you her troubles.    Maybe some would call it selfish, but you just wanted to spend more time with your close friend before you died. All you wanted to do was enjoy the moment as you didn't know what would happen tomorrow or the next day. Or it was something else that you couldn't name.   Ever since Ellie's relationship with Cat ended, Ellie had been more mature and calm and you always felt like she was closed to you. But best friends would be there for each other's problems, wouldn't they? You were frankly reluctant to ask Ellie why this was the case, and each time you swallowed your words. You swore to always be by her side no matter what.

   When you heard footsteps coming from the bathroom, you lifted your head and met her beautiful eyes. Maybe they didn't always look bright, but they were the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen. “Hey.” You said in a low voice, as if you didn't want to startle. “Mornin,” she answered you afterward, and sat down next to you on the bed. She sighed heavily and threw herself back, putting her arm under her head and staring at the ceiling. You did the same, but turned your body to your side to see her better. “ To what do we owe this early awakening? “     Ellie pulled her eyes from the ceiling and looked over at you and grinned  slightly.      “ Maria asked me to take a patrol even though it was my day off. “     You were surprised, but you didn't show it on your face. Maria rarely did such a thing when necessary, and when she had to. The woman was really trying, and no one even had the word to say anything to her. She was truly a great leader.

   But even though you had a day off, the idea of ​​going with Ellie was more appealing because you had a bad feeling. When you lifted your head and looked towards the window, you saw that the weather was not so good. Already since last night, the snow had been nibbling little by little, and judging from the experience from last year, a possible storm was only a matter of time.  “ Then I'll come with you. “    “You sure? I mean don't you want to stay and- " You put your hand over her mouth and lean over her  slowly. She looked so sweet as her eyes followed you that you wanted to kiss her right then, but you dismissed the thought immediately. You were close friends, nothing more. You'd better keep that in mind. “ I just want to help my- *you sighed* my best friend. “  You said and smiled. After you took your hand off her mouth, you suddenly found her on top of you and she did the same thing to you, hiding your mouth from forming an O shape. “ Then I'm happy you will, babe. “

   After getting dressed with Ellie, you left the house and made your way towards the barn. While walking, you met a lot of people you knew and greeted them one by one. You also saw a lot of little kids and after 5-10 minutes of playing with them all, you walked back to the barn. You and Ellie were still like children and you always hoped you would stay that way. When you came to the stable, after taking your horses and weapons, you set out after a short 'be careful' speech, neither of you spoke at all until a time. It was the quiet before the storm. 

   At one point, the snow increased its speed, but as there was nothing to worry about, you continued to gather tools and proceed silently. It was obvious that Ellie wanted to ask something, but you didn't even realize what it was. You knew it wouldn't hurt to ask, but you thought of saving it for later. However, she got ahead of you and asked what you were wondering what she wanted to ask.   “ So, who was that girl you were talking with earlier? “ You knew exactly who she was talking about. You had a strange history with Emily and you hadn't told Ellie about it yet because there was nothing worth telling.     Emily and you used to be very good friends and you came to Jackson with the group you were with. You were sure that Emily had feelings for you, but you had never talked about such situations. One day, after you returned from patrol, you started hearing voices from the house you shared together, and you went to her room and knocked on her door to ask if there was a problem. The voices stopped abruptly, and an almost naked Emily appeared, followed by a child. It would be more accurate to call it a child, because obviously he was not developed at all and was very stupid. At that moment, you looked at them with pity, but left without saying anything.  When you went to Maria and asked if an empty house was empty, she said that she could stay with them but that you had to tell her later what was going on, but then that incident was forgotten. Now that incident meant nothing to you. Just like Emily didn't mean anything.

  This wasn't the time to tell Ellie about that incident , and you thought a little provocation wouldn't hurt. “ She was just my ex. We used to be best friends and somehow we ended up together suddenly. “ “Was? You don't see her much now, right? “You already knew where this conversation was going. “ No, we are just seeing each other here and there but no, nothing else. “ Ellie nodded and continued to stare ahead. But you haven't made your last move yet. “ But I think she still loves me. The way she looks at me, looks at my lips. Guess I can't deny it. “ The red-haired girl turned her head directly in your direction and frowned, but turned away without saying anything. A little more.  “ One time, we were getting out of a bar in Jackson and we were like very drunk so I had to stay at her house because it was closer and I guess I was just scared to let Maria see me like that. We went to her house and we laid straight to bed but she didn't let me sleep. She got on top of me and kissed me so softly. Man, I still remember that kiss.   And then she instantly- “    “Shut up.”  said Ellie, cutting you off abruptly. Either she was tired of hearing your voice, or she hated you at that moment for going into so much detail or…   Now you wanted to know how she felt about you. Tired of being by her side all the time and not being able to touch her or do anything but just hug her made you feel worse every time. You wanted to feel her. So you went even further, and frankly, provoking Ellie was the best thing in your life. “Make me. “ You grinned and waited for an answer. Her facial expression was so funny as she just stood there looking at you and you even thought of getting caught by saying that the story you made up was not true, but you continued to play your game.   When Ellie was about to say something with her mouth wide open, when runners started coming from both sides of you and frightening the horses, you immediately fled. But a lot of runners were coming from the sides, front and back. You couldn't see in front of you because of the storm that had just broken out.

  You turned your head to the right and saw that there was a somewhere that you can hide and rest there. You whistle at Ellie and point your head there. You got there by riding the horses faster and quickly got in and closed the door. The place you were in was the garage of a house, but the garage door was so old and rusted that the noise it made could gather a million things around it. After fastening your hand and making sure that the door is tight and won't open, you went up the stairs leading to the house and entered the kitchen of the house.   After being cautious and searching and finding something useful in the kitchen, you made sure that the house was clean. This surprised you because you have never seen such a clean house before. Compared to other looted houses, this house looked cleaner and untouched.   When you entered the living room of the house, you saw Ellie sitting there, busy reading the magazine in her hand. Sitting next to her, you took a deep breath and put your arm on the headrest and moved into a more comfortable position. You looked at Ellie and saw that she was still on the same page and focused on the same place without even moving her eyes. You touched her arm, but she still didn't move. A few moments later she threw the magazine almost across the room and turned to you, elbows on her knees. “ Why can't I just forget that you exist here, with me and focus for a goddamn second!? “ You were stunned at this outburst, and before you could even say anything, she jumped on you and sat on your stomach.

       “ Tell me every single thing she did to you. “ It was finally the time to tell that was a stupid story you made up. “ Ellie- “ “ No, don’t you dare tell me anything. You know what? I changed my mind. You stay here and don’t talk to me until I get myself together because- “ You didn't let her finish and immediately, without even waiting, kissed her. She didn't reciprocate at first, but after a few seconds she deepened the kiss and became more sultry. You gasped and wanted to take a break, but Ellie wouldn't let it. Instead, she placed her hand on your chest and cupped it. Yet you groaned and almost begged for more.    Ellie pulled her lips away from yours and brought her hands to the hem of your shirt, effortlessly removing it along with your bra. You brought your hands to her shirt because you wanted to do the same to her, but she slapped your hands with one hand and bent over you. She whispered to your lips in a sexy whisper, looked into your eyes. “ I'm gonna make sure that you scream my name and forget about that girl who you had spoken with, alright? “ You nodded yes and let her do her thing.

   She leaned down to your lips again, and after placing a kiss, she slowly made her way over to where your collarbones were. After kissing all over the place, she kissed your breasts and stood there. She lifted her head and waited for your confirmation, but she didn't need to wait. You were so ecstatic at that moment that you didn't know when you threw your leg on her back and put your hand in her hair. The red-haired girl slowly bent over your breasts and placed soft kisses on your nipples in turn. She then went a little farther and cupped your other breast with one hand, tugging at the nipple while sucking on the other breast with her mouth. Every move she made made you get wetter and want her more.

   After letting go of your chest, she went down and placed a soft and wet kiss on your belly. Then she straightened up a bit and took off her t-shirt with her bra in the same way, and then it was time to take off your pants. You started to whine as you knew you couldn't take it anymore as she tugged and at the same time took off your pants very painfully. “ Ellie… Please Ellie please. I'm sorry. “ She chuckled to that and bent over you again.  “ You'll be good? Or do I have to punish you? “ You shook your head as no while pushing your hips towards her.   You were in so much pain, couldn't she see? “ No Ellie. I'll be good for you. I promise. Please. “ Ellie obviously wanted to avenge the game you played before. “ Please what, Y/N? Tell me what you want. “ “ I want you to fuck me. Fuck me with your long, beauiful fingers. Please Ellie. “ Ellie wasted no time then, pulling off your panties and rubbing those long fingers against your clit.         “ Fuck, baby you're so wet. Is this for me? “ You didn't say anything because your tongue was almost stuck and you were so close to being flattered. Instead, you nodded. As if satisfied, Ellie approached your clit and began to lick it. She opened both of your legs with her hands for better access and continued to satisfy you. Your moans and her licking and sucking sounds filled the room. You were having a hard time not yelling, but Ellie noticed. She stopped and looked down at you. “ Scream for me, babe. Let me hear you. “ She wetted her fingers well before bringing them to your hole and slowly inserted one of them, which made you squirm even more. “Ellie, fuck. Please baby. more. “ Ellie picked up the speed of her finger and inserted her second finger into you. “Keep talking baby. “ She was also touching your clitoris with the fingers of her other hand.   You were close then, and the pain and pleasure of wanting to come aroused a different lust in you and Ellie. “ Yes baby. Cum for me. Come on. “ She quickened her fingers even more and pulled her body upwards, closing in on your lips. With her lips on yours, you came violently. Climax has never looked so enjoyable to you.     She took her fingers out of you and brought them to her mouth and sucked on them. She looked so sexy. You wanted to give her the same satisfaction, and you put your hands on her waist, trying to turn her over, beckoning for her to take your place, but she stopped you. She closed your lips again, but this time it was softer. She wanted to comfort you and maybe she thought she hurt you.

  “ Just want to lay here with you for a bit, babe. “ You nooded your head and scoot  a bit for her to lie down next to you. You laid your head on her chest and gave tiny little kisses. Ellie snapped your head back and gave a playful grin.         “ You can do that later. You're tired. Let me take care of you. “    Maybe it was because of that Emily thing that you talked about or because you teased her before, but that was the last thing you wanted to think about right now because at least you knew now that Ellie had feelings for you. When the already dark weather started to get darker and the snow started to increase, you knew that you were safe at that moment and you were with Ellie, and if there was one thing you realized then, it was that you loved Ellie very much.

bro bartender!ellie au where reader is a regular and ellie thinks they’re attractive and eventually ends in smut? 😋

You guys have literally the best ideas ever and I'm loving every single of them 🤩 Thank you for your request!!!

hiii i love love LOVE your writing so here's a smut request!!

female reader and ellie have been hooking up for a while and even though they're not anything exclusive or concrete, there's obviously more than just hook ups between them. one day f!reader introduces ellie to her group of friends (dina, jesse...) as her friend only. it pisses ellie the fuck off and later on, when they're finally in a room alone, ellie shows her how good of a "friend" she is.

THERE it might be a shitty idea idk but i had it in mind for a while. have a nice day/night <3

First of all, I really appreciate that you like my writing. Honestly, your idea is so amazing and I'm looking forward to write it :) Thank you for your request!

There Is No Escape From Love

  A/N- This one was requested from my AO3 account. First time writing Ellie x Dina so I hope you like it <3 All your feedbacks are so important to me so let me know If you like my writing, how I should improve it etc. 

  Summary-  Ellie has been with Cat for a long time, but Cat gets into a silly fight with Ellie and eventually Ellie finds herself in Dina's arms. Another day, Ellie is injured while on patrol with Joel, and when she returns to Jackson, she becomes the center of attention for Dina.

  Warnings- killing, violence, pain, Ellie is in stress but Dina takes care of her. UwU so lovely <3

        gif from Pinterest! ( this scene is just- Have no words ! )

   Ellie was so attentive whenever she went on patrol that she sometimes came back to Jackson very energetically, and oddly enough, no one was minding her. But after the events with Cat, her mind was starting to get confused. She couldn't help thinking, 'Am I not really a good girlfriend?' In fact, the subject they were discussing was just as ridiculous, and Ellie seemed to go crazy when she thought about it. Cat was the girl who didn't like to go out much, fit the description of the nerdy high school girl, and that's what Ellie thought of whenever she thought of Cat. 

   Another evening, Ellie told Cat that she was going out with Dina and Jesse and that she would come, but Cat was upset and started a fight with Ellie out of nowhere. Ellie wasn't always that positive and she had stress issues, which Cat should have realized by now. But it happened, and when Ellie suddenly started to scatter and shout, she knew that Cat was scared of her, so she took a deep breath and walked out the door without turning around. Ellie needed to calm down so she decided to go with Dina and Jesse.

   When she got to the place where they were, she was surprised to see a crying Dina in front of her and waited for a few seconds before sitting next to her. Apparently they had a fight with Jesse again.

   When Dina saw Ellie coming, she stood up and stretched out her arms to hug her. Ellie did the same, hugging her girlfriend tightly. Ellie didn't ask why because she knew they were like this all the time and she couldn't take the chaos anymore. Ellie took her hand and dragged her to her place, and they talked all night about their past lives and the things they liked. Ellie talked about those comic books again and after a while the two of them were looking at each other so well that Ellie couldn't stop kissing her. Maybe Ellie had taken advantage of Dina's sad mood, but Dina was responding, too, and Ellie realized then that Dina wasn't empty to her.

  When she woke up in the morning, Ellie felt a soft body next to her and wished that this moment would never end, but there was a patrol that day and she prepared slowly so as not to wake her, no matter how hard she tried, left a note on the nightstand next to her bed to indicate that she was leaving. Winter was approaching, but Ellie never felt cold because she had fought worse. When she got to where the horses were, her eyes searched for Jesse but couldn't find him, and when Joel arrived a few minutes later, they said a little hello and good morning to each other, and set off to blow the brains of the sick. Ellie was unaware of what was going to happen to her. If there was one thing Ellie didn't tell anyone, it was that she didn't expect to see anyone other than sick people out there because they had to be defensive and just like themselves, and you wouldn't know where they would come from. Jackson was being invaded in some way at least every month, and as a result, people fell short of their fun for a while. When Ellie first came here, she liked it so much that she had a hard time not hugging Joel, but she knew she was hurting that man too. She loved Joel and didn't think she could live without him, but Ellie wasn't very good at showing her feelings, so you could tell from her eyes what she was going through, and Joel could fully understand what Ellie was feeling. Because he was a teenager just like her, and he did the craziest thing in his adolescence and became Sarah's father, and that was a very bad thing for him at the time because what his mom and dad thought was more important than what he thought, but he somehow survived these events, but the day of the outbreak was in his life. It was the scariest and saddest day of his life, and Joel would never forget them.

   Joel wanted to break the silence between them, but Ellie already understood that and rolled her eyes and waited for him to speak.

    '' Kiddo, I'm sensing some bad things in you. Did someone hurt you? " Ellie didn't have to tell Joel that much, and she didn't feel obligated to say anything, but it was Joel and he wouldn't let it go. “No, I mean maybe yes… I dunno. Last night was rough and kinda cute at the same time and I don't know how I feel or… Pff I don't know Joel.” Joel nodded in understandment at what Ellie had said and smiled sweetly. ''Ya can always talk to me If you have something goin' on, you know that right? “ Ellie smiled at him too and nooded her head as yes. After a few moments of silence, Ellie decided to explain to Joel how she felt, but it didn't turn out the way she thought it would because an arrow pierced the tree right in front of her, and the horse she was riding, Shimmer, reared up in fright and rushed madly into the trees with Ellie. Although Ellie tried to stop her horse, unsure of what to do, she knew she was in danger and seemed nowhere to hide. “ Shimmer STOP! No wait, not that way. HEY I SAID- “ Shimmer threw Ellie off of her before she could finish speaking and the horse ran away herself. Maybe she could find her horse later, but when Ellie looked where she had fallen, all she saw was mud and blood. Se heard a whistle and wanted to get up quickly, but it wasn't that easy in her situation. She stood up cautiously, but was thrown to the ground by the pain of the arrow hitting her shoulder and writhing in pain.

   She didn't know where Joel was, but she wasn't stupid enough to try to summon him because she knew she was surrounded by enemies. She quickly pulled out the arrow and was so careful not to shout that her eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. Ellie lay there breathing deep and silently, waiting for the enemies to go away, and they did. Hearing no sound, she got up and tried to get out of the mud, ignoring Shimmer. She paused at the sound of the bush and pulled out her gun. ''Who are you!? Come out, NOW! “ That person came out of hiding, listening to Ellie, and when Ellie saw it was Joel, she took a deep breath and walked towards him. Joel was breathing heavily, and he wasn't quite well either. He took Ellie in his arms and asked if she had anything, but then when he saw the scar on her arm, his eyes widened and he dragged her with him to the place where his own horse was. ''Now, you go to Jackson and head straight to infirmary. No buts Ellie you should go and patch this up. Please don't make me repeat myself. “Ellie nodded and got on Joel’s horse. She just stood there motionless and looked gratefully at Joel. “Thank you Joel. " Joel nodded, as if accepting Ellie's thanks, and with that, Ellie rode Joel's horse towards Jackson. When she got to the place where the big doors were, she said her own name, but her voice was too weak because of the pain. They opened the doors anyway, and Ellie came in, handed the horse over to the people present, and asked them to call Maria to the infirmary. When she arrived at the infirmary, the woman there asked her to sit on one of the beds and went to get some supplies to clean her wound. Ellie heard footsteps coming from the side of the door and straightened her posture. She was surprised to see the people entering because she wasn't expecting Dina here. “What are you doing here?” She asked, unable to keep the surprise in her voice. Dina was panting and when she got to Ellie she grabbed her hands tightly and then hugged her tightly.

   “Oh Ellie I was so worried. I was going to the garden to pick somethings but I found Maria pacing around so I asked her what was up and she said you were hurt and I quickly came with her. How did this happen though? “ Instead of answering, Ellie looked at Maria and asked her to save her from answering for the moment. Maria rubbed her hands and cleared her throat, giving her authoritative speech. ''Well I'm sure Ellie would tell you everything in private so maybe you should just go with her and make her not to do anything stupid, yeah? " However, she looked at Ellie as if to say 'we'll talk later' and walked out of the infirmary. Unbeknownst to Ellie, her arm was bandaged and she was holding Dina's hand with her other hand. They left the infirmary hand in hand without saying a word, met Cat on the way, but both continued on their way without greeting. When they entered the garage where Ellie was staying, they both threw themselves into the seat at the same time, and when they realized this, they looked at each other and started laughing.

   When their laughter was over, they looked into each other's eyes and kissed passionately, as if they never wanted to part. After a few moments, they broke their kiss, and Dina placed her hand on Ellie's cheek and looked at her lovingly, as if she had never seen her ''   What would i do if you died there? I'm here for you Ellie so please don't get yourself away from me. I want you to love me. " Dina's words sounded to Ellie as if they were the words of a song and Dina wrote that song. It was then that Ellie realized that whenever Dina looked at her,   Ellie was fascinated and there was no escape from it.

How can she be so hot 🥵🤤

WHAT YOU SAY GOES, SIR- part 1

A/N- First chapter is not too smutty but you'll see how dom Joel can be and torture the Reader. If you don't like reading this kind of stuff, then you can read my other fluffy fluff imagine for Joel!

Summary- Reader is being a brat when she's at Joel's class and decides to show how she feels for him and test If he feels the same. Turns out that Joel isn't empty for the Reader.

Warnings- Lots of dirty talk, tigh grinding, daddykink , torturing, age difference , prof!Joel

If there was one thing or person that made history class interesting, it would definitely be Mr. Joel Miller. You liked the history lesson a little bit, but the professor who took your class couldn't explain it well. There was no such thing in man's nature. He also seemed like an interesting man. His hair and beard were white and he was lecturing like a scientist.

But then everyone in his class was overjoyed when they heard he was retiring. And that man was replaced by the most handsome and well-behaved man you've ever seen. From the moment he entered the classroom, you couldn't take your eyes off him. When he gave you assignment, you always wanted to go to him and show him the places you couldn't (although you could) and your desire to see him increased with each passing day. But you knew that nothing like this would be possible between you. It was not age. Yes, maybe there was age, of course, but you didn't know if he was married yet. You hadn't seen a ring on his finger and you couldn't have asked him that either, would you?

There was someone in class who caught Mr. Joel Miller's attention, and it was you, but you didn't realize it until he told you. Two weeks after he came, he called you and told you how well you listened to the lesson and you should continue like this, but you were only focused on his eyes and you weren't thinking about anything else. With his back turned, you were watching how he carried his muscular body, how the veins in his hands moved while writing on the board, his facial expressions when talking to someone, everything, hoping not to get caught by him.

You woke up because of that nightmare you had while you were lying in bed unaware that your alarm went off, and when you looked at the clock, you realized you were 10 minutes late for class. Campus was close to your house, so you dressed quickly and left. The tension was heightened when you remembered that your first lesson was with Mr. Joel Miller as you quickened his steps every second. Depending on his mood, he sometimes took the latecomers, but sometimes he was unforgiving. Hoping that his mood is good and that he doesn't turn you away, you walked through the door and ran down the hallway to the classroom. You were out of breath when you came to the door of the classroom, but that didn't stop you from knocking. When you opened the door, all eyes were on you, including Joel. You felt the need to look around, but you had to explain.

''Sir I'm so sorry I'm late I just didn't hear my alarm and somehow it got under my bed very deeply. I really tried to come here as quickly as I can. I'm so ask-" Mr. Miller interrupted your speech, raising his hand and nodding to the benches. You nodded your head in a thank you and sat down. It felt good to see that there was nothing that made him angry or moody today because you've been thinking about how to explain your feelings for him for a long time, but talking in person would be complete nonsense because you weren't sure if he felt anything like that. So there was only one thing you had to do.

After looking around and making sure no one was looking your way, you took the handout and went to Mr. Miller's desk and whispered to him so as not to disturb anyone.

“Sir can you have a look at my paperwork because I think I did some mistakes and I'm not pretty sure what to write to these blanks” He gave you a smile and gestured for you to sit on the empty chair next to him. This is where the event started. You rubbed your legs, which weren't too far anyway, but Mr. Miller didn't quite grasp it, he was too busy staring at his paper. You rubbed longer this time, thinking he didn't understand what you were trying to do. Sensing a stir on his side, Mr. Miller glanced at you and then realized what you were doing. Your heart was beating so fast as if it was going to explode. There was also a sense of rejection and fear of being disgraced. But as Mr. Miller did something unexpected, he leaned into your ear and whispered these words that got you even more excited:

"Look at you. You can't even sit where you are. What do you want me to do, huh? Fuck you when all of your friends are here? Yeah you would want that, wouldn't you pretty girl? “ You nodded yes, but you knew it wasn't serious. To play even more, you put your right leg on top of his left leg and started rubbing against him with your lower area.

Mr. Miller squeaked in dissatisfaction and placed his hand on your leg, looking around. At that moment, with a glance at you, he lowered his leg over yours and stood up. He said that the lesson was over before the lesson was even over, and everyone could disperse. Although it upsets you that he did such a thing when you thought your plan had worked, you quietly took your bag and stood up. Everyone had left by then, but only you and Mr. Miller remained. He walked forward to the door and locked it. You gave him meaningless looks, but he just grinned.

''You think you would get away with this? You know how inappropriate this is? Snuggling to your professor while you're in class and student are here? But you did like this, didn't you?" You focused on his eyes again, and every word he said made his heart race faster. He rushed over to you and took your chin in his strong, muscular hands. He blew his breath into your face, bringing his face close to it, and it made you shiver. You closed your eyes and waited for his next move. You were literally prey in his hands, and you wanted him to eat you.

''But I want an answer sweet girl. Just talk to me. Tell me what you want. You want me to fuck you on this desk until you're begging me to stop? Or do you really deserve it? Nah you definitely do not. First I have to punish you for being such a dirtly little brat that you're hooking up with me in class. Then maybe you can get reward but first you're going to listen to me little one. Understood?” You swallow hard and shake your head, but not satisfied. Clenching your chin between his hand even more, he turned his face to the side and brought his mouth close to your ear, letting a breath out there.

''You know I don't like it when people don't talk so just say it. Let's try it again, Yeah?' You said 'yes sir' in a low voice, but he didn't like it. ''What did you just say? I didn't hear you kitten. What you should say to me?”

The pain underneath was unbearable and you were writhing in his hand. Now, to put an end to this game, his eyes were shining when you said those inviting words by looking into his eyes.

“What you say goes, Sir” With these words, he grabbed your waist and laid you on the table with a lithe motion and made you turn your back. You shivered as the cold table skin touched your skin, but you didn't move.

''Now I want you to say to me how bad do you want this. You gotta earn your reward so behave , yeah? Are you gonna behave little girl? Are you gonna be daddy's kitten? Tell me how bad do you want me to punish you. “ You quickly said the words he wanted with a groan. A whimper came out of your mouth as he grabbed you by the hair and pulled you to him, but it was replaced by the sound of kisses on each other's lips. It was almost like time stopped, everyone disappeared, it was just the two of you, but that didn't change the fact that you were in school. And he left you with a knock on the door reminding you of that, and you looked into the mirror beside the table to tidy up and straightened your hair. When you looked towards the door, Mr. Miller was opening the curtain of the door and there was a knock on the door. Eventually the sound stopped and Mr. Miller had opened the door and was talking to the professor who had knocked on the door.

'' Hey, sorry I was having a private talk with my student and I actually didn't want anyone to interrupt us. We were just leaving. “ After picking up his purse from the table, he took one look at you before leaving and hurried out the door. Taking a deep breath, you went to the bathroom and splashed water on your face before entering the next lesson. What you went through was not easy and everyone could see it if you didn't forget that you did it in a public place .Although your inner voice said that there was no such thing, it was an unacceptable thing. Just as you were coming out of the toilet, you were startled by the message on your phone and you took it out of your bag to read it. It was a number you didn't recognize, but you knew immediately who it was because of what he wrote.

*Meet me outside of campus after your classes are over. I'll take you.*

You read the message at least ten times to make sure you saw it, and each time your excitement grew. You went to your next lesson wishing it would pass quickly and Mr. Miller became the prince of your dreams.

WHAT YOU SAY GOES, SIR- part 2

A/N- Some of you may wonder why I republish my fics. I wanted to start from the beginning and I really want ya'll to see them because we rarely have game imagines around here. I'm not implying that I write good but thanks to some of you, I know I'm good enough and I'll keep writing no matter what. This is not my job, this is my hobby and I won't stop. Thank you for supporting me both on here and AO3! Love ya'll 💜

Warnings- SMUT, daddykink , prof!Joel , age difference, a lot of dirty talk. 🥵

After leaving classes, you quickly made your way towards the campus exit. The thought of what Mr. Miller might do to you was eating away at you. You knew you'd lose your mind if you thought too much about it, but you couldn't help it. This was wrong. Yes, but you were both adults. Maybe you shouldn't care what anyone says. But how absurd would it be to reveal it in a public space. He could lose his job. What happened that day should have remained a secret and should not happen again. As you grapple with your thoughts, you realize that you have came all the way outside the door. When you got to the parking lot, you sat on a pavement and waited for that familiar face. You didn't know how it was going to unfold and maybe what you did was momentary, but Mr. Miller wasn't going to stop.You didn't know that you didn't provoke him until now and why you waited until this moment. It wasn't really your intention to do this, but a little fun never hurt anyone, right?

Suddenly, a shadow formed in your surroundings and when you looked down you saw a pair of black sporty but stylish shoes and knew he was coming. He held out his hand for you to hold as your heartbeat quickened with his presence, and you stood up with his help. Maybe Mr. Miller wasn't a gentleman, but he was never the type to fuck you and sleep with other women another evening. As you let go of your hand and walked to the place where he parked his car, you kept looking back to see if anyone could see it.

When you suddenly turned in front of you, you bumped into his huge body, causing you to retreat. He was laughing. Ahh he had that damn smile of course.That famous Texas grin and the way he supports his fingers on his belt. You just nodded when he looked at you from the side and asked if it was okay, but you knew he didn't like it. You knew very well that if you were a good girl he would reward you because for God's sake, what century are we in and didn't we watch Fifty Shades of Grey? He turned towards you and raised an eyebrow as if asking a question.

''What were we saying little girl? Yes or no right? Use your words for me. “ How did he expect you to answer when your heart raced so fast every time he spoke? Didn't he see the effect on you? Maybe he did, but for now he just ignored it. You muttered “yes” silently, and he slowly nodded his head okay.

The drive was quiet except for the country music on the radio. Occasionally he would open his mouth as if he wanted to ask you something, but then he would give up and close it.

Maybe he was saving what he wanted to say for later. Your hands were sweaty from playing with your hands from tension. When he came to his house, he said that you came with a quiet but full tone and you got out of the car with that. While you were opening the door of the house, your tension was not gone, but one of you had to attack and this tension, this silence should be replaced by better things. So after closing that outer door, you literally jumped on him and took those hot lips between yours. A few minutes later, his hands were roaming your entire body. Deciding to provoke him a little more, you grabbed his cock and groaned. He took you in his arms with this gesture and when you thought he was taking you to the bedroom, you hugged him even more and started kissing him again. No matter how close you were, even a centimeter between you was hurting. You both wanted more.

He threw you briskly onto the bed and climbed on top of you. He was kissing your neck and walking with both hands in other parts of you.

''You think you just gonna get away with this little one? After what you did in front off the whole classroom? Nah I don't think so. You deserve every punishment I'll give it to you. “ However, he grabbed your neck hard and pulled you towards him. You just groaned in a way that didn't know what to do as you became more aroused with every move.

“Please Daddy. Please have me right now. I'm begging you. I'm so sorry." No, you weren't sorry, you just wanted him to put out his current fire. The sooner this was over, the sooner you could cut ties with him. It couldn't be love or anything more.

With that, he started kissing your lips even harder and trying to take off your panties. You lifted your butt to help him and he impatiently pulled it off your leg. After that, the bra joined the panties. Mr. Miller seemed to have obeyed, for he was slower, but his movements were fine.

''Well then. Since you begged for me good, I'll give what you want but let me hear your little words. all right? If I don't then I stop immediately.'' You purred yes daddy a few times before you saw him take off his pants. You both threw your heads back and groaned as he slowly entered you, but Mr. Miller quickened his movements, supported by your voice.

He was kissing your neck and saying dirty words to you like these.

‘’ Yeah just like that kitten.’’

‘’ You’re gonna cum for me?’’

‘’ Let me hear you little girl.’’

‘’ Let them hear your little moans princess.’’

‘’ Daddy is so proud of you little one.’’

You both ended up saying dirty words to each other. When you lay next to him and look at him through your light hair, you see him breathing heavily and you rest your head on his chest. He gave you a kiss and started stroking your hair. Even though you didn't want this moment to end, it had to be when you woke up. But who knows? Maybe it wouldn't end. After throwing your thoughts away, you fell asleep in his arms.

Pacifying The Blame

   A/N- Hey guys! I have a publishing schedule and I shared it with you yesterday. Of course there may be setbacks so I apologize in advance but now enjoy the story because in my opinion this fic turned out good. Send me some feedback If you liked it though <3 

Request from- Anonymous

   Summary- Ellie blames reader for hiding the fact that she saved her from getting studied by the fireflies and they breakup but later, Ellie realizes how much she fucked up when she sees Reader at a party with another girl.

   Warnings-  Smut, angst, Ellie is angry with Reader ( I’m a sucker for angry Ellie btw that girl can do everything to me :)  )

     You woke up with a loud banging on your door. You sighed deeply as you got up. When you shuffled to open the outer door of the house, you questioned why Joel was in your small house at this hour. But before you could even open your mouth, Joel pushed you inside and thoroughly searched the already small house. You closed the outer door and folded your arms across your chest, watching what he was doing. You couldn't see much because you were sleepy and your eyes were half closed, and it was a bit like you were dreaming.     Fortunately, Joel finished his inspection of the house and stood before you. “Where is she, Y/N?” he said in a single move without hesitation. It was obvious that he was running fast on the way here. He was obviously talking about Ellie, but Ellie was here. Your eyes suddenly opened and you looked at the side of the bed, but you still couldn't believe it and wanted to look at the place where the bathroom was, but she wasn't there either. Ellie was nowhere in the house.     Turning hastily towards Joel, you met his usual scowl. That's when you started to panic.

  “ I-I- I don't understand. She was with me last night. We drank and laughed and we-we. Holy shit! ” Actually, Ellie hadn't had anything to drink. She was sober all night. Ellie put you to sleep. No matter how much you wanted to avert your eyes from Joel, you couldn't succeed. He came up to you and held you by both shoulders and asked you to look at him in the eyes and tell the truth. “ Y/N, you're her girlfriend I'm pretty sure you know what happened. So please tell me and we can find her.” You asked Joel to speak more clearly. “ Guards saw her running of. Without saying anything. Do you know where she went? “ With no idea, you slipped out of Joel's arms and looked around. She should have left a note. She couldn't have just left in the middle of the night. She wouldn't do such a thing to Joel, and especially to you, whom she cares so much about.

  But there was something that Joel and you had not noticed before. There was a note hanging on the cork board right behind her bed, and it was a miracle you had even seen it, for it was a small torn and handwritten note so that it could not be found. What was Ellie supposed to do that was so important? You almost ran to the clipboard and quickly ripped the note out.

  ‘ Don't worry about me but now I want some answers. I know you will come to see me, you know where i will be Y/N ‘

 You wanted not to show Joel this note that you read with trembling hands. You thought it was all over. You thought that now a normal life, a decent life awaits you. Ellie wasn't going to stop because she knew you were lying. You really wished this was a dream. You wished that everything, everything she would do, would end. When you opened and closed your eyes, you were faced with the same view again. Tears streamed from your eyes. You walked slowly to Joel and  reluctantly handed Joel the note you were holding with trembling fingers.

  You knew he had read it when he began to scowl and raise his eyebrows.   There was dead silence in the room. Joel crumpled the note in his hand and threw it on the floor, turned and quickly left the house. You ran after him and grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards you. “I'll come with you. “ He took his wrist from your hand and kept walking. He couldn't walk away without you. You two started it and you two were going to finish it. “Joel! Please wait up! “ He stopped but did not turn to you, his face still facing forward. You stepped in front of him and grabbed his chin with your fingers, making him look at you. "You can't just do this by yourself, Joel" was insisting on not looking at you, and you held his chin tighter so he was looking at you " let me help you. “He pulled his head out of your hands and shook his head no. He quickly walked away from there without looking back, and you couldn't just do anything and watched him disappear.

 You wanted to go after him and be by his side. You wanted to say you saved Ellie to her face but have no regrets, but your feet couldn't even move from where you were. Your tears were flowing like floods. Of course, your conscience was never clear because of the lie you told your girlfriend, but that's what you had to do.

  In order not to just stand there and do something silly, you went back to the house you shared with Ellie and after you went in and closed the door, you went to the side of her bed and laid there sniffing her pillow. You had no choice but to wait.

   “ Y/N, you there? “ You opened your eyes at the sound of the radio and quickly got up from your bed. You picked up the radio and answered the leader. “Yeah, what's up? Are they here? “ Yes,” the woman said, taking a deep breath. Before she could answer, you turned off the radio and rushed out. You didn't expect to see Ellie in front of you. You held your breath and looked into her eyes. You tried to tell something with your eyes so that she would shout at you. You wanted her to hit you, just wanted her to tell you at least something. You did not say anything. You couldn't. Ellie glanced at you for a moment, then slammed her shoulder into you and slammed the door behind her.” Here we go Y/N” you said to yourself. Your instincts were telling you this would be very difficult, but you didn't listen to any of them. You owed her an explanation.

 You walked into the house and saw her sitting there, on the corner of the bed, shaking her leg in anger. It was something you wanted so much at that moment to stop her and hug , but you did not dare and started to tell everything directly.

  “ I-I mean ‘we’ didn't want to lose you. I loved you since the day I met you, Ellie. I couldn't do it. Joel was in the same way with me so I didn't force him to but I swear I have nothing to do with Marl- " She looked up to you so fatally that you had to interrupt yourself. The girl stood up and stared nervously into your eyes, right in front of you. You didn't know where to put your hands at that moment, you wanted to go backwards, but she was staring at you so deathly that you seemed nailed in place. You couldn't move. “We. are. done. Y/N,” she said, emphasizing every word. You heard the sound of your heart cracking and breaking. You were dizzy. You moved towards her, but she backed off and made a stop sign with her hand. “ Don't you dare see me again. I said we are done. Now go! “ You left the house without even looking at her face because she was so angry and not to go too far, and only one person you knew, who would understand you at that moment, came to your mind. Maria. 

  It was normal for you to still feel very tired and unhappy even after a few days, because all the days without Ellie had made you exhausted. She was your everything and the last thing you wanted to suddenly lose her like that. You haven't seen his face since the day she kicked you out of her house, you only saw her back, and even if she saw you, she would walk away without even looking at you. It was obvious that you were bored with this situation, and she couldn't be said to be very happy either.

  You shared everything with each other. You always supported each other no matter what, but of course, she was very upset that she was lied to by her girlfriend and that a vaccine that could save all humanity could not be made because she was saved. She was right until the end, yelling and pushing and shoving you, but it was also meaningful that you loved her more than anyone else in the whole world, and it hurt so much to see her on that operating table at that moment, that you forcibly suppressed the urge to pull those cables attached to her and yell. You probably wouldn't have been able to deal with those doctors and soldiers if Joel wasn't around.

 Neither of you knew it would come to this. Ellie said she believed in you, but the thoughts she was holding inside were starting to choke her, and she found herself on her way to the hospital in the middle of the night.

   You could no longer cope with your thoughts, and your desire to tell your troubles to someone was increasing. Although you talked to Maria the same things over and over, she had a lot.. That's why you couldn't bother her very often. One day, after returning from patrol, while you were sprawling in Maria's seat, Tommy came over to you and told you to get out and wander for a bit. He heard from Maria that there were some newcomers to Jackson and he wanted to introduce you to them. Tommy told them about you, and one of their girl eagerly agreed and asked you to come to the party that was going to be at a bar in Jackson. Tommy said the girl's name was Enid, but you weren't too keen on the idea of ​​going out. All you wanted to do was lie down and shut yourself up in your thoughts, no matter how much they were suffocating now.

 “ No, Tommy I don't wanna go out right now. Actually I am not gonna go out for my whole life because I can't even look at girlfriend's- I mean my EX girlfriend's eyes and she doesn't even look at me because she hates me so no. I won't. ' you said with one breath.  Tommy laughed softly at your statement  and pulled you from your arms and sat next to you. “ I know this is hard for you girl but you can't give up on her, not yet. You love her and I bet she still loves you. So stop being like a stubborn little girl and go get your girlfriend. “ “ How though? Like I said she doesn't even- oh.Yeah. Okay now I've got an idea. “ You chuckled and before you stood up, thanked him for the chance to meet Enid, you leaned in and gave him a tiny kiss on the cheek. The man was surprised and looked at you as if he didn't understand anything. He squinted his eyes and watched you leave his side and leave the small but modern living room. “Damn. This girl really does love Ellie. “

  You wore a beautiful red dress that you've never worn before and that you got from the common attire the day before. You couldn't imagine how Ellie would look at you when she saw this on you. Maybe being the center of attention wouldn't be so good because you always dressed like yourself and today you're a player who wants to get your girlfriend back. You thought it would work, because both that outfit and talking to that girl Enid would drive her crazy. Of course, there was also the possibility that she might not come to the bar, but at that moment, you didn't care much about it, you put on your old jacket in case the weather gets cold and  smiling at the possibility of leaving this house and making peace with Ellie, and you went to the bar where you would meet with Enid.

   Along the way, you stumbled several times over what to talk to Enid and how Ellie would react if she saw you. There wasn’t a sign of her on the streets. Just before you walked into the bar, you took a deep breath and prayed that things would work out. Since you didn't know what kind of girl Enid is, you took a glance inside and looked from a distance before you checked all the girls who were close to your age, and when you turned your head to the left, you saw Tommy waving at you and making a come sign. You smiled and took your steps towards them. When you looked at the girl sitting next to Tommy and thought that she was a very beautiful girl but that she would never be able to take Ellie's place, it made you even more sad, but it was easier for you to shake it off because she held out her hand for you to shake her hand at that time and introduced herself. " Hi! “ she said affectionately. “ I'm Enid but you already know that and I'm guessing you're Y/N, right? “ Even though the girl had only just arrived here a few days ago, she seemed to have adjusted well. You nodded as you sat next to her and started talking.

   You got along with the girl better than you thought and you didn't even realize how time flew. Enid was such a witty girl and it was good for you since you had  been wandering around like a spirit and you were pretty sure everyone who saw you declared you the walking dead. But you didn't mind.

 While you continued your talk with Enid  and telling each other your funny moments, you suddenly felt a hand on your shoulder and saw that it belonged to Enid. It was natural. Laughing people could be out of control and do things like that, but the prospect of Ellie seeing you made you shudder. You looked left and right to see if she was indeed here. And yes she was there. She was leaning against a table with a glass in her hand, trying not to look at you, but it was obvious that she was.

  Your gaze lingered on her for a moment, then ended when she turned her head the other way. As much as you wanted to go back to your conversation with Enid and laugh like you had for the last half hour, you couldn't. You never expected this to happen. Again.

 Enid realized there was something wrong, and again she put her hand on your arm and bent over you. “ Is something wrong? You look upset. “ You shook your head no and smiled for her to continue. Enid seemed very happy with her life at that moment and was trying to make you a partner in her happiness. You made a mental note to say thank you for her effort afterward and asked permission to go to get a drink.

   After asking the bartender for a drink, you sat in the bar chair until your drink was ready, put your head down and rested a bit. Of course, you didn't think that Ellie would come to you because since you knew her, she had been very stubborn but open to any apology. It made you very unhappy that you saw Ellie looking at you like that and didn't greet you or come and hug you. What did you expect? That you're going to do these things after all that's happened? But nothing was impossible. You lifted your head when you heard  noises coming from your side as your mouth formed an O shape. “Ellie…” She didn't even look at you. She just sat. You didn't even know when the drink was put in front of you.  You looked at her just like that. You were speechless again, although you had a lot to say to her, but you forgot all of them with the excitement of that moment.

  You didn't hesitate to look at her as if you were seeing her for the first time. It was the first time you had seen her this close in a long time. Her appearance had hardened, her childlike self almost gone. “ You're gonna keep lookin' or say something? “ Again, you just sat there without saying anything. This gravitational force between you was eating away at you. “ Well how about we go somewhere more private? Somewhere that your 'new' girlfriend can't finds us, " You wanted to tell her that Enid wasn't your new girlfriend, but at that moment you were scorched by the thought of being alone with her.

  She got off the chair and held out her hand. At that moment, you oscillated between holding it or not. What would you say to Enid? You'd have to tell her later why you left her. That didn't matter to you either. With trembling hands, you grabbed Ellie's hand with sweaty hands and let her tug at you. You didn't speak at all until you left the bar and went home.

 After opening the door of the house, she pushed you inside and quickly closed the door and then locked it. She walked towards you with the stature of a cheetah approaching its prey. You just waited because you deserved everything she'd do to you, everything she'd say to you. “ So this girlfriend of yours, she good? “ You shook your head no. Ellie was pleased, folded her hands behind her back and bent down, looking into your eyes. “ Your words, little one. Use 'em for me. “ “ No Ellie. She's not as good as you. “

 “Can she do that to you?” She suddenly put her hand on your lower side and pressed it. Because that was too much, you squirmed and pushed your hip against her hand. Against this, she pulled her hand away and threw you onto the bed. She climbed on top of you, pulled the dress from under you, and then your panties to the side and rubbed her middle finger into your hole.

 “ No one can satisfy you like me, babe. Seeing you with that girl made me so angry, I admit. But you know that you made me angry too, right? “ You shook your head and almost moaned for her to continue. She didn't withdraw his hand, but instead slowly inserted a finger into your hole and left it there until she painfully finished speaking. “ I didn't expect that to come from you, you know. I thought you're telling the truth because you were my girlfriend. “At once she withdrew her finger and put the second finger in the hole. She stuck them both in and did it slowly back and forth. “I'm sorry Ellie. “ Your throat was dry and you had to say something, and you finally did. She leaned down to your lips and finally pressed her lips to yours. “I know baby. I know. “ 

  Both getting offended and reconciling with Ellie were a separate problem, because your resentment had been an event, but your return was magnificent. That evening, Ellie took you to peaks you've never been before and took you on a journey through different dream worlds. You would have longed a lot for the honor of reuniting after a long time. She let you show her affection and apologized to her over and over again, and she accepted your apology, whispered words of love each time her lips was pressed against your lips.