Rogue: Raven And Irene Didnt Raise A Quitter But They Did Raise A Homosexual Idiot.

Rogue: Raven and Irene didn’t raise a quitter but they did raise a homosexual idiot.

Kurt: More than one.

Scott: Guys, this is my boyfriend. Pietro, these are my friends.

Pietro: Why are they looking at me that way?

Jubilee: Scott acts as sort of a dad for the group. Emotionally, this is like being told that you’re our new mom.

Pietro: You know it is not like that at all, right?

Kurt: Absolutely, do you cook macaroni?

Scott: Jealousy? I have no need for such base, infantile nonsense. My partner and I are as solid as the rose quartz my glasses are made of.

Crystal: *looks vaguely in Pietro’s direction*

Scott: I THINK THE FUCK NOT!!

Ororo: What is Scott to you?

Pietro: He is the reason that I wake up in the morning.

Ororo: Aw, that’s nice!

Scott: *barging into their bedroom that morning* WAKE UP HONEY! WAKE THE FUCK UP! I SET THE KITCHEN ON FIRE AGAIN! I WAS TRYING TO MAKE CEREAL!! WHY DO YOU STILL LET ME COOK!?!?!?!

X-Men as The Onion headlines:

Peter: All odd numbers have an ‘e’ in them!

Scott: Peter, It’s three am.

Peter: . . .

Peter:  t-h-r-E-E

Scott: GO TO SLEEP!!!