I Am Not Suicidal, Because Even In My Deepest Despair I Still Laugh At Cat Memes

I am not suicidal, because even in my deepest despair I still laugh at cat memes

I chose chaos as a teen

As a teen I willingly chose an aesthetic of chaos and self destruction. There is something incredibly beautiful in destruction. It looks and feels stylish. It feels empowering. Then one day I woke up. I realized what I had become. I had become nothing. I felt accomplished in my own destruction, and I was scared of how far I could keep on going. I couldn't keep on becoming nothing. I felt like Susanna Kaysen, I decided to heal and go out of the ward; to heal and not to fantasize about Lisa Rowe.

Anyways, as a young adult, my advice to all of the teens here: Choose life, don't waste your youth deconstructing yourself. the aftermath of self destruction is regret.

I wish I was without a body.

ps: pics are not mine

It's gonna be 8 years of that hellish eating disorder messing with me. I can't stop counting the cals. I can't stop wanting to lose weight but can't go back to eating as little as I did before.

Something deep inside of me is convinced that not eating is the solution to all of my problem.

I hate capitalism cause it created ultra processed stuff filled with sugar, causing me to binge.

Things I love to do when I am bored:

Drawing and filling colouring page

Play PS3, mostly games like Tomb Raider

Staying with my twin sister to laugh

Going to ride my bike

Going for a super long walk with my headphones

Reading distopian novels