Everyone's Reaction To Her Is A Little More Understandable In The Books Because She's 5 Years Old And

Everyone's reaction to her is a little more understandable in the books because she's 5 years old and not 14. Madeline thought she was an adult and malnourished from the war, which is an excuse somebody in a 14 year old body can make. But not a 5 year old one. Or in the movie's case a body around like 10 ish.

As much as nearly every character she meets tends to act like there's something uniquely broken and wrong with Claudia, at no point does it truly seem to me like there actually really is? I mean, obviously she is extremely fucked up, she straight up went through a serial killer collecting trophies phase, but there's a level of fucked up that's sort of the baseline for every character in the show, and obviously being turned into a vampire as a child puts her at a unique disadvantage. But for all that everyone around her spends their time bemoaning how dreadful and doomed her life is, even Louis who genuinely loves her but also builds so much of his identity around feeling responsible for her Terrible Fate™, I really don't think she's like, fundamentally damaged any more than any of the other vampires are.

But Lestat is so unwilling to be wrong that every time her life hits an inevitable road bump instead of helping her through it he points and says "look! see! she IS a monster, I was right Louis, making her was a mistake!" (and I think he sees his own monstrousness in her but fails to also see her humanity)

And then Armand meets her and sees only someone who will inevitably lose her mind, so of course speeding up the "inevitable" and siding with the coven to plan her death is just a mercy, absolving himself of any blame. (and he projects his own frailty and desire for death onto her, failing to see her strength and her desire for life)

Which makes it so cathartic when she meets Madeleine, admits to her how broken she feels sometimes, and Madeleine's response is just. Well that's normal. Who isn't a little broken these days. Let yourself feel it, move on, let yourself feel it again if you need to. After spending her life having others act as if her emotions are something uniquely dark and worrying, Madeleine's incredibly blase attitude must have been such an incredible breath of fresh air for Claudia!

To spend her whole life being made to feel like something is Wrong™ with her, and then meet someone who's just like, "yeah, and?? Who isn't? Join the club I guess"

Which makes her death so incredibly tragic and frustrating because like. She was fine! She was making a life for herself! She wasn't doomed by her nature, she wasn't "doomed by the narrative" (whatever the fuck that even means), she was doomed for no reason other than that everyone around her (except for Madeleine) preemptively DECIDED she was doomed and never gave her a chance to prove them wrong.

I ate the whole box of mac and cheese :( normally there's someone to stop me from eating the whole box but I live alone :( now I have so much mac and cheese in me :(

whenever i get sad that i don’t have friends to worship and do rituals with, I remember that birds sing love songs into the sky everyday, and the grass dances in the wind when it blows. And the clouds blush at the sunset, and the wind whistles tunes, and the bees hum, and the deer trot. And then I remember that the river runs, and the flowers open themselves to the sun, and the bugs sleep on warm leaves. and as I walk and pray, perhaps the rabbits nibbling on shrubs are praying too, perhaps that’s why the spider spun her web so beautifully. and then I remember that I’m not worshipping alone. I never was.

Made this yesterday while fighting for my life. Enjoy my suffering babes

I am normal and can be trusted with complex characters and depictions of morally grey relationships.

God is love, God is us, God is in being around others, because God is in everybody

On finding God through love, nature,  and the universe

Dostoevsky // entry from the google doc I use as a diary // pantheism definition // WEBB telescope // Tolstoy- War and Peace // photo of Lake Superior // tumblr user apollomusing // Great Comet- Dust and Ashes // Drawn Together // another entry from the google doc I use as a diary // Minecraft end poem