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ᴊᴜᴊᴜᴛꜱᴜ ᴋᴀɪꜱᴇɴ

ʜᴀɪᴋʏᴜᴜ

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ʙᴜᴛʟᴇʀ

ᴅᴇᴍᴏɴ ꜱʟᴀʏᴇʀ

ᴛᴏᴋʏᴏ ʀᴇᴠᴇɴɢᴇʀꜱ

𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠

ᴾᵃⁱʳⁱⁿᵍˢ: ᴰᵒᶜᵗᵒʳ! ᶜʰᵒⁱ ᴶᵒⁿᵍʰᵒ ˣ ᴬˢˢⁱˢᵗᵃⁿᵗ! ᶠᵉᵐ ᴿᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

ᵂᵒʳᵈ ᶜᵒᵘⁿᵗ: ⁷.⁴ᵏ

ᴳᵉⁿʳᵉ: ᴬⁿᵍˢᵗ, ᶠˡᵘᶠᶠ..?

ᵂᵃʳⁿⁱⁿᵍˢ: ⁿᵒᵗ ᵃ ʰᵃᵖᵖʸ ᵉⁿᵈⁱⁿᵍ, ᵐᵉⁿᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ ᵒᶠ ᵈᵉᵃᵗʰ, ⁱˡˡⁿᵉˢˢ, ᵐᵉⁿᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ ᵒᶠ ᶜᵘʳˢⁱⁿᵍ, ˢᵗᵃʳᵗˢ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵃˢ ᵉⁿᵉᵐⁱᵉˢ,

ˢʸⁿᵒᵖˢⁱˢ: ʸᵒᵘ ʷᵉʳᵉ ᵃ ᵈᵉᶜᵉⁿᵗˡʸ ⁿᵉʷ ᵍⁱʳˡ ᵃᵗ ᵃ ʰᵒˢᵖⁱᵗᵃˡ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵐᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᴬˢˢⁱˢᵗᵃⁿᵗ ᵒᶠ ᶜʰᵒⁱ ᴶᵒⁿᵍʰᵒ, ʰᵉ ᵐᵃʸ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ʰⁱᵈ ʰⁱˢ ˢᵉᶜʳᵉᵗˢ ᵇᵘᵗ ʰᵉ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈⁿ'ᵗ ᵉˣᵖᵉᶜᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ᵗᵒ ⁿᵒᵗ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ˢᵒᵐᵉ ᵒᶠ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵒʷⁿ

ᴬ/ⁿ: ᴵ'ᵛᵉ ᵈᵉˡᵃʸᵉᵈ ᵗʰⁱˢ ᶠⁱᶜ ᶠᵒʳ ˢᵒ ˡᵒⁿᵍ, ᵐʸ ᵇᵃᵈ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ 😅, ᵇᵘᵗ ᵘᵐ ʸᵉˢ! ᴵ'ᵐ ˢᵘʳᵖʳⁱˢᵉᵈ ᴵ ᵐᵃⁿᵃᵍᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ʷʳⁱᵗᵉ ᵃ ᶠⁱᶜ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰⁱˢ ˡᵉⁿᵍᵗʰ ʷⁱᵗʰᵒᵘᵗ ᵍⁱᵛⁱⁿᵍ ᵘᵖ ᵒʳ ⁿᵉᵉᵈⁱⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ˢᵗᵃʳᵗ ᵒᵛᵉʳ ᵃ ᵈᵒᶻᵉⁿ ᵒᶠ ᵗⁱᵐᵉˢ, ᴵ ʳˡˡʸ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵉⁿʲᵒʸ <³

Things like fate and destiny were unrealistic words in his mind.

He who walked the streets for years alone had known better than anyone that things like love was just something that appeared in the movies, because those who found it in the real world were rarely ever happy.

Why couldn’t humanity just accept simple facts like that? Maybe it wasn't common knowledge but it was surely a simple concept. Why do people have to be so delusional that they shift things that always end bad into something with a happy ending.

To someone like Jongho, all of that was pure bullshit.

San picked up his phone from the table and looked at the contact, quickly excusing himself from the group and leaving to chat with the person on the other line.

“San really does love his girlfriend doesn't he?” Seonghwa mentioned with a smile replacing his regular face as he looked at everyone else who sat at the table.

“He really does, he doesn't even hang out with me anymore.” Wooyoung pouted, bringing a spoonful of his food into his mouth.

“Well it's a moment of happiness for him, let the poor man live.” Hongjoong added, picking up chopsticks and allowing himself to take a bite of his steak.

The others chuckled, allowing themselves to resume in their long awaited meals.

Wooyoung took a chance to glance to the seat over and face Jongho who was just kinda staring blankly into whatever universe he might have been in.

“Jongho you good? You kinda just went into a trance all of a sudden”

Jongho nodded in response “I just don't get why y'all are so happy over something that won't last.”

Everyone's attention shifted from their food to Jongho, even though it was expected from someone like Jongho who had that mindset for a long time, no one would've expected him to be so loud about it.

“Jongho, don't you think that's a bit direct -” Seonghwa managed to mutter out but was unable to complete his sentence due to the interruption.

“I don't get why people make such a big deal when someone speaks the truth. Admit it, if they last it's going to be surprising news for everyone.”

Wooyoung and Hongjoong made eye contact at the words of the youngest. Although no one at the table said anything, they all thought the same thing and no one was going to deny it.

“What did I miss?” San said in a cheerful and enthusiastic tone, sitting down at the table and continuing with his meal but immediately glancing around at the table upon not hearing anyone responding.

“I left for 4 minutes and you guys got into an argument? I swear with you guys.” San muttered playfully which earned a laugh from Wooyoung and a chuckle from Seonghwa. No one had the intention to tell San what had happened while he was gone even though it was almost guaranteed that he wouldn't be offended as he also knew Jongho’s mindset well.

The table became loud, mainly from Wooyoung raging at Hongjoong for certain things he said and always ending up laughing as loud a humanly possible, San also added onto the already unnecessary noise, helping Wooyoung or Hongjoong out in whatever argument they were having based on who's side he was on, Jongho and Seonghwa were quiet and just focused on eating.

Mentions of his girlfriend creeped into the conversation and Jongho couldn't help but roll his eyes, sometimes it was just a sudden mention of “my girlfriend” or sometimes it was her actual name, but she was definitely referenced in the conversation that had nothing to do with her.

Seriously what was so exciting about being with someone romantically? It's always the same outcome of them showing you who they want you to see and then later on switching to take advantage of you whenver you're too deep in their game, same situation everytime, something he'd heard far too many times.

San wouldn't last in his relationship, and Jongho knew it, although he truly dreaded the sight of his friend crying, what could be really do about it? He asked for it… It was all destined when he decided to say yes to the question that could have easily been rejected and avoided, if it was anyone's fault it was San’s.

__________

“Dr. Choi, can I have you check over these?”

The so presumed, Dr. Choi, glanced at the door to see, what he considered, the love shot girl. He didn't have any specific reason for giving you the name other than the fact that he knew you were a little blinded for the feeling of love, and that was practically his only reason behind the nickname, other than the fact that he never really took enough interest in you to memorize your full name.

Handing him your paperwork as he cleared his desk from the already full stack of papers, many empty and waiting to be filled out. You watched as he read over your work and gave it back to you, you stayed in your place, unmoving and waiting for his feedback.

He finally answered, “your work's good, maybe try being more detailed with question 2 and 7, they're too vague and Superior Kim won't like that.”

You glanced back down at your paper, kinda shocked as you read over the marked spots. “Oh my gosh, thank you. I didn't even realize how badly I wrote them… anything else I should take a look at?”

Jongho finally met you in the eye, you could tell that he was annoyed and in his mind it was probably a waste of time to be giving a newbie like you advice. Dr. Choi was a full on experienced doctor, and he knew how to correct his mistakes when he made them, unlike you who still needed to get the okay from another doctor, he wasn't the only annoyed one, you were quite annoyed at yourself too.

“I have a question.” You heard him say… standing up straight and fixing your posture, “Yes…?” You were nervous and you couldn't hide it, Dr. Choi was no ordinary doctor as he was very strict and upfront.

“I'm not in charge of you, so why do you always come to me to check your work?”

Clearing your throat and making eye contact that you tried your best to hold. Choi Jongho had some of the most fierce and direct eyes, yet according to you, they were quite beautiful. Big and a round oval-like shaped, brown and almost looked like the eyes of a baby bear.

“I care about your opinion the most… you are honest and upfront, so that is why I come here instead of going to my section leader.”

You noticed his eyebrow raise, he was a bit confused.

“What about Dr. Kang?”

“He's too warm hearted to point out any visible mistakes.”

“Dr. Park?”

“He points out my mistakes but he often misses a few small details, and he's not as direct with his advice either.”

”Dr. Jung?”

“I'm just too scared go in there…”

You noticed him crack a smile earning a flinch from you in which he noticed, he chuckled lightly and you somewhat wondered what you had said to earn such a reaction from him. Whenever you entered the room his aura always got so serious.

“Alright I guess, you can go, I have work to do.” his smile was still visible, keeping it as he brought all the papers he had been working on in front of him again, making you realize a couple of things as you walked out of his office.

Choi Jongho always checked over your stuff yet for himself he had to do all of the writing and checking, you almost felt bad for always going in there to disrupt his alone time, intruding because you always wanted him to check over what you should've been the one to take full credit for.

Jongho once again got back to work, picking up his pen just to hear the familiar creaking of the door. Somewhat fed up this time, he looked over at the door with a sharp stare making you almost jump out of your soul.

“What now? You already finished more paperwork? I'm jealous, wish I could rush over things like that-”

“No- I just brought you a coffee..”

You completed, speed walking over to his desk to place the warm mug down, rushing over back to the door and shutting it.

Of course Jongho was confused, he couldn't help but chuckle as he questioned your perfect timing. He was somewhat falling asleep and craving a coffee, about to stop his work once again to get up and satisfy his craving. Worried, he took a sip and to his surprise, it tasted exactly how he liked it. Not too sugared yet not too bitter. Most people didn't land in a place right in the middle so it threw him off guard.

How did you know?

____

Day and day again, you entered his office and got his feedback on your work, it happened for days on end. Finally, Superior Kim decided to close up your section for the day in order for him to make a couple of changes in the furniture and in general the way the section was operated, part of those changes involved you moving into the same room as Jongho in order to become his assistant for the time being.

Jongho's original assistant had been on a small hiatus to take a trip to her home country because both of her parents were now disabled and she needed to be there for them, Superior Kim and Dr. Choi were both unsure if she would return to the hospital or find a new job in her hometown. Nevertheless, you were Jongho's assistant for now, which would make things easier for both him and you.

Or so you thought-

Every morning, you entered his, or now to be said your, office with breakfast to find him already sitting down at his desk, computer open and files scattered all over, in shock you brought your morning dish over to your spot and right when you were about sit down he suddenly turns to you and asks you if you could bring him some breakfast too.

Surely, you didn't really have a choice. Your title was assistant after all. It wasn't that you had a problem with it, but it was more unusual, mainly since this was never really the case when you were Dr. Jeong’s assistant, normally his pace would be slow and he wouldn't rush to get started on his work. You both got breakfast, entered the office and sat down on your own seats as you chatted for a bit, waiting for each other to finish before actually starting on your work.

So you went down to get him his breakfast, technically the same thing you got yourself since he never told you what he liked. You served him some apple juice since it was what you liked in the morning, you were never a fan of morning coffee especially because you knew you'd need another cup later on and that'd just be too much coffee for one day.

You brought up his breakfast and watched him stare at his food for a hot moment.

“I'm scared of you.” he finally stated.

“if you don't like it, I can go back down and get you what you want-”

“No, this is exactly what I get too…” he mumbled.

You let out a sigh of relief and went over to sit down on your chair, you wouldn't have much work that day since there wasn't many appointments booked, and the ones that showed up on the chart were really nothing serious, just a couple of check ups.

You glanced at Jongho and rolled your eyes.

“Shouldn't you take a break and eat your breakfast? I don't mean to disrupt you but you don't seem to have that much work today, after eating your breakfast you should also clean up your workspace. That'll make you loose focus.”

Jongho glanced around at his almost fully cover desk and looked back at his almost empty shelves, it was one of the first times he agreed with you other than what you had said about Wooyoung earlier. He looked at you and nodded, clearing his space in the middle in order to make room for his breakfast.

“Let's chat for a bit.” you said

“Did Dr. Jeong teach you that or something?” he grinned, taking a sip of his juice and picking up his tray.

“Precisely.” you added.

“I'm not surprised, he's always been that type. Speaking of… why didn't you go to him for the checking of your work. You were his assistant ya?”

You frowned, slightly trying to think of an appropriate response for his question.

“I really don't know, I think it's mainly because he was always doing so much at once so I kinda felt bad.”

Jongho nodded, understanding where you came from, your breakfast continued as such and the day went on as normal, Jongho asked you for something and you gave it to him, you also took the opportunity to clean his workspace which he questioned you for, in which you always responded.

“I finished my work so I'm technically not prohibited from helping you and this messy area you have going on.”

And well, afterwards he simply let you be, as long as you weren't distracting or bothering him, he was completely fine with you partying inside the office. That was mostly how your life carried along, you entered the hospital, helped Jongho with whatever he needed, did work, and repeat… occasionally having to help with a patient or two, but that wasn't your job so you mainly stayed out of it.

In the beginning you were certain that Jongho hated you… but now that you were his assistant, you weren't sure how to feel. It kinda angered you because you had no idea whether he viewed you somewhat like a friend or if he despised you with all of his heart… you preferred to be some place in the middle.

Even if you both shared an office, he still kept mostly to himself and so did you, the only reason you spoke was mostly for him to check your work and that was really it… although it was upsetting, you were coworkers and had to act like it, there wasn't time to goof around in a place like a hospital and you knew it.

Truthfully more than anyone.

__________

“I'm gonna be heading out, my shift is over and it's late. Is there anything you would like me to know before I leave?”

Although he was focused on the paperwork that was in front of his desk, he heard you and took the opportunity to glance up at you, “You should wait, I'm about to finish this and my shift is over as well, it's dangerous so we should walk home together.”

You stayed silent, mainly because you were trying to figure out if this was just a friendly offer or if he was actually showing genuine interests in you.

Nevertheless, your staring was obvious, which made him take his eyes off his paperwork to look at you.

“We go the same direction, ya?”

You snapped out of your trance and finally nodded. You sat back down on your chair and scrolled through your phone as he finished up the last few questions.

“But try to hurry, I'm hungry so I'm really looking forward to get home.”

He grinned in response to your comment, simply focusing on what was in front of him, of course to him, you were just a coworker and nothing more. His job was serious and nothing to look forward to, you never knew what type of patients would come in so there was no time to laugh.

The atmosphere would stay quiet for the last 7 minutes that you would be in hospital, when Jongho gave you the okay, you both headed out as you waited for him while he gave the key to the next employee, they needed to lock up for the night for safety measures since the hospital staff would be there to open up to anyone who might’ve been in need of care.

“So, why did you wanna walk home with me.” You brought yourself to ask, seeing your cold breath in the air, Jongho refused to look at you in which you found quite funny.

“For both of our safety, walking home this late at night is dangerous.”

You shrugged, “you've let me go at my regular time multiple times before so I don't see much of an issue. It just caught me by surprise.”

Jongho nodded, “I understand.” The walk continued to be silent for the next few minutes, you sighed in debate multiple times until you reached the more public side of the city, you were about 11 minutes away from home and the feeling of hunger was really just eating you up inside.

“Dr. Choi, i'm really hungry, and now i'm lacking motivation to go home and make myself something, so now that we're here, would you like to stop by somewhere and eat? With me possibly?”

You saw a smirk creep up on Jongho's face, noticing his head coming up as he pretended to act surprised, “Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Of course not, do you wanna go with me or not?” You responded annoyed, rolling your eyes at the guy who believed so highly of himself all of a sudden, you heard him chucke, a soft, small chuckle which you had failed to hear be directed at you.

Because he wasn't laughing or poking fun at you, he was laughing at something you had said, and you didn't know if that was a good sign or a death sign.

“Sure, I'll go with you, i'm pretty hungry myself.”

You hadn't noticed the small smile forming on your face, that stupid smile that you hadn't felt since the last time you looked at your highschool crush.

In the end, you both ended up on the outside table of one of your favorite resturants, the lighting was dim and if you looked to your right, you'd see the main city that stood across the wide river. It was a beautiful setting when it came to someone like you, who loved to imagine these sceneries in a painting or a romantic movie.

“Dr. Choi, have you ever liked someone?”

The question caught him off guard, he didn't know what to respond and the only thing he could do was try to move past the question by taking a sip of his drink, playing distracted.

He noticed you nod as you understood what he wanted to tell you, he wasn't comfortable with the subject and that was okay, you weren’t going to judge him.

“I don't know you too well, mind telling me about your childhood?” You asked with the softest eyes he'd seen from you. Sighing, he responded while easing his posture and leaning back on his chair, crossing his arms and looking out into the landscape that overcame the both of you

“I don't know much that I could say, my childhood was for the most part normal. Regular parents with one little brother, we grew up in the isolated town, the type that aren't very known, the ones with a small population, a community of their own.”

“So you grew up in small towns, what made you move to the city?”

Jongho sighed, unknowing of what to say, upon noticing his silence, you were about to dismiss your question until he sat up straigter and began speaking.

“My mom and my dad divorced whenever me and my brother were still young, we were constantly moving in between houses, having to experience every new partner that our parents had, my mom never lasted with any of them and when my dad finally found someone who he felt right, they got really sick and passed away, so he never got his happy ending, they both passed away so there's no turning back now.”

You couldn't help but cover your mouth at his words, in disbelief and feeling guilty for opening up that trauma in him again.

“I'm sorry that happened, I also apologize for asking-”

“It's fine, i'm over it.”

Silence filled the table and things became awkward, you heard him shuffle a bit and then turn back to face you.

“What about you?”

You slightly pouted, crossing your own arms and rocking back and fourth on your own chair.

“I wasn't ever able to enjoy my childhood because I constantly had to be in and out of somewhere, and even though it was meant to help me, little me just thought of it as a prison, but now as an adult I realize the importance of them, currently trying to avoid other children from going through the same thing as me.”

Jongho nodded, slightly smiling from your statement.

“I should call you the queen of vague”

“Hey!?”

Jongho laughed, listening to you ramble on about how it was a sensitive topic and you preferred to be vague about it, he simply nodded and said ‘I understand’ which ticked you off even more, making you continue to yell to him about it, eventually he quieted you down and you relaxed, giving him one last slap on his shoulder and leaving him alone.

Truthfully, you both connected a lot during your dinner, which was unexpected for the both of you. Although the two of you bonded, you agreed to keep things professional at work,

The walk home was full of laughter, you had warmed up to each other and had become comfortable, you felt good enough to playfully push each other or smack each other on the shoulder. The walk went by quickly and the two of you ended up at your separating point without even realizing, your house was one way and his was the other.

“Thank you for this talk Dr. Choi, I think we should get going, it's about to be one in the morning.” You chuckled to which he nodded, his smile never fading.

“You should get some rest, long day tomorrow.”

You nodded, watching him walk away from your street, bringing yourself to turn around, you were ready to get home and flop on your bed, happy that you could consider someone like Dr. Choi a friend.

“Jongho by the way.”

You turned around, hearing his voice speaking, you hadn't been sure if you had heard him right since by that point he was already turning the corner, you stood in the same spot, all sleepiness gone from your head as you replayed his words over and over again.

Did he just say you could call him Jongho?

__________

“I'm starving!!”

“Choi San, please calm down-”

“Choi Jongho, please cheer up”

Jongho glared at San who quickly broke the eye contact to pick up the kimchi that was across the table, adding it to his lunch, Jongho slightly smiled and begun adding his own sauces and seasonings to his food, San begun eating and taking a sip of his americano which sat on the cup holder beside him.

“It's been a while since I've had this-”, his eyes squeezed shut at the burst of flavor that hit his taste buds, using his utensils to rush for another bite of the meal, however he was quick to notice that Jongho wasn't eating, he didn't look upset, more deep in thought.

“Are you not hungry?”

“Oh no, I am.”

“Then what's wrong?”

San genuinely seemed concerned for Jongho's well being, he didn't want him to suddenly grow insecure or go on a diet when he didn't have to, San begun to wonder if Jongho had something wrong that he wasn't aware of.

Jongho leaned forward on the table, grinning with one hand flat on the wood that held all of the food, his lunch and drink pushed aside as Jongho made eye contact with San.

“I have a bit of a problem.”

San’s eyes widened as he only imagined the worst, of course it had to be that. Jongho never invites someone to eat first.

“You're dying!?? Jongho you can't die!!!!”

Jongho flinched, “what..? Where'd you hear that from? No, I'm not dying, i'm still young and have an entire life ahead of me.”

San’s shoulders fell in relief.

“Oh thank god… well then, what's this problem?”

“Well, I may or may not like someone... in more than a plotonic manner..”

Silence filled the room as the information registered into San’s head, then the entire after process of the loading signal before he finally reacted.

“You!? Like you!? Nah, you're joking-”

“I'm not.” He interrupted, keeping his gaze locked and still on San, making him take another sip of his americano, side eyeing Jongho to make sure he wasn't looking at him and upon seeing his gaze fully locked on him, he slowly broke it by looking back at his drink.

“Well… what's she like?”

“It's my assistant in the hospital.” Jongho quickly responded, San nodded as he went back to his food and took a few more spoonfuls before leaning back on his chair and taking some time to relax.

“I don't work at the hospital so I don't know who it is.”

Jongho clicked his tongue and tapped his finger, attempting to search his mind for a comfortable and explainable way of telling him who you were,

“You know Yunho’s assistant?”

“Yeah- L/n Y/n, wonderful girl to be honest-”

“Well her.”

San made a understood head motion while lip syncing an ‘ah’ and grabbing his americano from the table, taking a good gulp of it before the realization hit him.

“She's your assistant now!? What happened with Yunho!?”

“Relax, from what I've been told she's only my assistant temporally, until we figure out whether my former assistant is coming back or not I'll be staying with her.”

“Wait wait wait, let me get this straight… so L/n transferred to your office and became your assistant for the time being… and now you like her?”

Jongho looked away, a bit ashamed, not of you but of himself. Technically everyone knew how Jongho's brain worked so for him to hit them up with something like this was just kinda silly when he himself had said so many negative things about relationships.

“What happened to that old ‘relationships are only for people without a brain-’”

“I never said that!”

San burst out laughing and Jongho just rolled his eyes, finally taking a bite of his own food and nodding in approval to it.

“Listen, I was in the wrong when I said all of that, my opinion hasn't really changed much and truthfully I'm a bit disappointed in myself but… I don't wanna lie to you-”

San tilted his head in confusion, unsure of what his younger friend meant by the statement, “lie to me about what?”

Jongho sighed and explained the entire incident of what happened that day when they met up as a group in the restaurant, explaining what he said about San’s relationship behind his back. What he said was harsh but San was very understanding about It, mocking and cracking a joke about Jongho once or twice again to which Jongho almost cursed San out.

It was a bright setting and the mood was lifted, both of them discussed all those typical relationship things and walked each other home, although Jongho left confused with the entire feeling and exsistance of the word love, San told him to meet up with Seonghwa since despite his status as a single pringle, he was actually very good with relationship advice and quite useful.

And of course when he did, Seonghwa showed an identical reaction to that of San’s, thrilled by how much Jongho had changed in the span of a few months and all because you had become his assistant, and even though Seonghwa truthfully had never met you or known you as Yunho’s assistant, he assumed you were a great person rightfully going off the fact that you were able to pull Jongho.

And his theory about you wasn't wrong, because at the end of the day… you really had become Jongho's everything, and it would stay that way for a long time, he had no idea whether his feelings for you were no more than platonic or actually romantic, so what more could he really go off of other than the fact that you had done something to him, and here he was having no idea what it was.

__________

Jongho just knew something was wrong, it could've just been a gut feeling, or the fact that when he had finally become close with you and all of a sudden you just disappeared… well you didn't just snap out of existence, he saw you, but you no longer showed up to work on schedule or everyday like before, you missed days, and a lot.

And he didn't know how to bring it up to his colleagues, his former assistant missed days regularly so he wasn't ever concerned for her, rarely did the thought of something bad happening to her cross his mind. But for you? For you it was different, because if you missed a day, which itself was already concerning, you'd miss it on notice.

But you haven't done so these days. So what if something bad really did happen to you, or was happening to you?

Jongho snapped out of his trance upon hearing his door slam open, he hadn't noticed he had been staring at plainly nothing and looking like if he was about to pass out, he finally took a glance at his door to find Hongjoong standing in front, looking a bit frightened by Jongho’s appearance among his entry.

“You okay?” Hongjoong questioned, walking over to Jongho's desk and taking a seat from the stack in the corner of the room.

“I've just been thinking about some things.” Jongho responded, letting go of the folder that he was practically squeezing in his grip and leaning back on his chair, slamming the folder on his face in order to shield his eyes from the light.

“It must be really stressing you out if you're like this.” Hongjoong responded, mirroring Jongho's actions by relaxing on the chair that he sat in, Jongho didn't respond and Hongjoong took the moment to change the topic…

Well, slightly.

“Have you visited Y/n yet?”

Jongho's gaze shifted to his superior who sat across from him, all the tension in his body coming back as he realized-

“You know where she is!?”

Hongjoong lifted his head and tilted it slightly, confused he asked, “Did she not tell you?”

Jongho aggressively shook his head in disagreement, which inserted the realization behind Jongho's stress, making Hongjoong lightly let out a curse word.

“It’s a little bit difficult to explain, i'm just confused on why she didn't tell you-” Hongjoong said, lightly scratching the back of his neck nervously and anxiously.

With low patience tolerance, Jongho sighed annoyed at why Hongjoong was unable to explain what you couldn't, grabbing his head in an attempt to cure the unbearable heart-eating headache.

“I really don't know how to tell you but I'll try to keep this professional, she's in the hospital, for personal reasons…”

“The hospital!?” Jongho almost burst into tears, why wouldn't you tell him something like that!?

“Correct.”

“Could I know what those personal reasons are…?” Jongho asked, crossing his fingers from under the table, his eyes watered down and sealed lips to prevent a shaky voice, Hongjoong felt pity… and a lot.

Hongjoong replied, “Trust me.. if I knew I'd tell you, but she hasn't made me aware of the situation either.”

Jongho bit his lip, he was at a loss for words. And the worst part is that he wasn’t going to have time to see you for a few days, all he could do was pray that everything would be fine, that you'd be okay.

___________

He was desperate to see you, so when he saw the first available opportunity, he asked Hongjoong at what hospital you were located and rushed over.

“What are you doing here!?” You nearly screamed at the sight of his face.

“I'm here to see you.” He responded. Sitting up on the hospital bed, you looked down at his hands and noticed the bouquet of flowers, he also held a takeout bag which you assumed was for you.

“Don't tell me you even brought me gifts?” You smirked, not knowing what he'd respond with, he looked to the side and nodded at what you suggested. He put the flowers on your lap and placed the bag next to your bed.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” He answered to which you dramatically covered your mouth as if you were offended, “Rude.” You muttered, bringing the bag up and finding your favorite restaurant’s food-to-go laying in a takeout box. You had shared that information with him the day you went to eat together, recommending him the area and sharing your favorite dishes, expressing how much you loved their ice cream and milkshakes. You were surprised he even remembered the name in the first place.

Your expressions reacted quicker than your brain, shifting your head up at him as he sighed, nodding his head, and cutting you off just when you were about to speak.

“Yes, I did try their ice cream and milkshake, and I brought you one too.”

He pointed inside the box and you finally realized the cold drink laying next to a container of french fries, gasping you took out the shake and fries and started diving in, you noticed him looking at you, however not in the usual way. This time his eyes weren't soft like they usually were, his expression screamed anger, fear, injustice, you peaked a look at him and held up your fries.

“I forgot to thank you, I was too excited… would you like some..?” You asked, Jongho simply shook his head in denial, and you stayed looking at him, concern filling your face.

He couldn't possibly know… could he…?

You lightly chuckled, attempting to add some humor into the tense mood of the room, “Why are you just staring like that? You're making me uncomfortable mr…”

Jongho slightly smiled and nodded, “Why didn't you tell me you were here?” He asked, eyes not softening at the slightest as he kept his gaze strong and firm.

“I didn't wanna bother you, everything I say is a bother-” you chuckled once again, however, you noticed his silence to your comment and you knew you messed up.

“Sorry-” you added, feeling your bed sink down upon him sitting on it, caressing your hair and putting it behind your ear. “Please tell me- what's wrong..?”

But you couldn't bring yourself to… How could you bring yourself to? You swore to never tell anyone outside of those who already knew- and you were going to stick to that promise.

“You'll figure it out soon enough.”

You felt his hand slam onto your arm, which caused you to flinch. And that's when you finally noticed his shiny eyes, soft stare, and shaky lips.

“Don’t say that Y/n…”

You couldn't believe your eyes. Jongho, the man who always had a tough figure and personality, was showing you weakness. The man who you always presumed as someone with a high ego, enough to push you away so carelessly, was showing you care and frustration. All because you were in a bad state.

You couldn't say much more than what you already had, and Jongho got the message, because he let go of you and walked out of the room. You couldn't express anymore regret about what you had done, Jongho was crying and it was your fault, but what you had to say… it just… you couldn't say it, because it would pain you more than it would pain him, and you knew it.

But to your surprise, Jongho came to visit you regularly, he made time almost everyday. If you were tired he'd sing you to sleep, if you weren't, he'd stay with you until you were. After you fell asleep he cried, he rested his head, covering his eyes with his palm, the lingering feeling of emotions overtaking his mind, it was driving him crazy.

He asked you to be his girlfriend eventually, to which you accepted. You tried to be happy and energetic around him, and when he asked you to go take a walk, you had no choice but to decline, he brought you food and you let him do a lot of the talking while you ate.

And as time passed that became your daily day, you had medical staff come in, and take care of you, boring day after, and later at night Jongho would come visit you.

He brought you outside like you asked, pushing on the handles as you admired the stars, looking at them from an outside point of view again after a couple of months of not seeing them in that figure.

“The moon looks brighter than I remember-” you excitedly said, looking down at Jongho who was sitting down on the grass.

“I think it's closer to the earth right now because it isn't normally this bright.” He responded, as you chuckled, he made eye contact with you again to which you just laughed from the way he looked up at you.

“I'm really gonna-” he joked before you cut him off, “You don't need to- I just think looking down at you despite the fact that you're taller than me, it's just funny” you said, looking back up at the stars and admiring the view.

Jongho looked back as well, trying to hide his eyes in the darkness, hoping the moon wouldn't illuminate his eyes enough to show you the weakness he held once again, he couldn't help it when he was with you, he just simply couldn't stand seeing you trying to be happy when in reality you were suffering.

He picked himself back up and placed his hand on your thigh, no matter how much you wished to, you couldn't feel his soft and warm hands touching your helpless and uncensoring skin, you both looked into each other's eyes and pressed your lips together.

It was your first kiss with him, so you valued it a lot, feeling his warm lips press up against yours as he smudge his scent all over you, you loved it… it was an obsessing feeling that you couldn't get enough of…

You would miss these moments.

When you both separated, he forced a smile and hugged you tightly, he knew it just as well as you did, you smiled and hugged him back. You weren't going to let the thought overtake the mood, it wasn't going to happen, you were going to make the most of this night, even if your options were limited.

You both went back inside and you watched Jongho leave, coming back with your favorite restaurant once more, taking the bag and milkshake, giving it all to you. He handed you the oreo ice cream he'd got for you and laughed with you, it was the most he'd heard you speak in a long time.

He sang you to sleep once more, this time staying with you all night long and hugging your warm body, he didn't wait to leave, he stayed, all hours of the night, he'd be with you…

__________

Years later, he would be walking the watered down streets to the field covered with sculpted rocks, looking for the specific one, holding flowers and a small box in one hand.

When he finally found it, he sat down and sighed. This had become a regular thing and a daily activity by this time, it had become a regular tradition in his life to visit you 3 times a week at least.

“I had a long day, oh- and I also found this dairy that I believe belonged to you, I found it in the box of things that I stored for you.”

Putting the dairy on his lap, opening it and turning to a specific page, beginning to read it outloud.

“April 7th 2021… They made switches around the hospital, I am now Dr. Choi’s assistant, which I couldn’t determine as a good or bad thing. I've talked about this change previously but now i'm really convinced that being Choi Jongho’s assistant is absolutely a bad thing and something that the demon’s of the other side decided would be my destiny because this man hates my guts. He's rude too… I kinda miss Dr. Jeong-”

He stopped reading and chuckled lightly, looking back at you.

“If you hated me that much you might as well have requested to Hongjoong to go back with Yunho.”

He continued reading.

“However, I'm gonna try to get close with him, I've been interested in him for a long time… I've been coming regularly, trying to get his approval and make him like me a bit more. I don't think bothering him was the right option though, it wasn't my intention haha, future me can't see but I'm actually laughing right now. I hope to come back to this page in the future, but being friends with Choi Jongho. He's a mysterious person so I'd be happy if I gained his trust. If I manage to live long enough, I hope to have a chance with Dr. Choi and be able to call him by his first name, I have so many things I wanna do with him to be honest-”

Jongho stopped, taking a moment to catch his breath and clean his eyes.

“I know it sounds obsessive for me to be writing about him like this, I don't do it often, I just wanna express how I feel, older me will find this so weird too, I kinda do. I really wanna go eat at my favorite restaurant with him, go on late night dates and experience his sincere care.”

Flashbacks replayed in Jongho’s head as he cleaned his eyes once more, remembering if all the things you guys had time to do.

“If I can experience this before I die with Jongho, or really anyone- I'd leave this earth happily. If there's one thing I know for sure it's that I don't have long, but I chose to live my life in happiness over sadness, I can't be sad for the little life I have. Hopefully, i'll be able to meet the right one, and if this sickness allows me too- I hope to get married. I wanna be able to experience my life to the fullest, and live excitedly, not make this lung disease my entire life. I wanna be and will be happy, period.”

Jongho sniffed his nose and placed your dairy in his bag, taking out the small box and putting it down.

“I don't wanna bother you for too long, but I'm gonna be happy and live my life to the fullest, I will always love you, you'll always be my first and only love, nothing or no one will ever change that…”

He fixed the box, placing it on the rock that covered the dirt, the rectangle shaped rock that laid flat on the ground, full of flowers and gifts from your other loved ones who most likely came to visit you regularly as well. He hid the box among the flowers and shielded it from public view, taking a moment to smile once more before leaving.

Things like fate and destiny were unrealistic words in his mind.

He who walked the streets for years alone had known better than anyone that things like love was just something that appeared in the movies, and it would stay that way until the right person walked up to you on their own.

He seriously couldn't understand why humanity just couldn't accept simple facts like that. Maybe it wasn't common knowledge but it was surely a simple concept. He had met the right one when he least expected it. People needed to understand that love is not something someone should search for, because if it's real, the two parties would find each other sololy.

To someone like Jongho, he had found true love and was never going to change that, he was satisfied with how his life turned out and he knew you'd agree… and he'd wait for the day where he'd find you again in this world, and hear you accept the ring that laid inside the sealed box behind all your flowers.

Because at the end of the day, you really had become his everything.

Idk if you can- but could you start uploading like little pre-uploads to your fics...? Idk how to word it but like, when you post a preview of your next fic

👉👈

Idk if you do this but I will be the 🥯 anon

Hello there 🥯 anon.

I know what you're talking about and I'm thinking about it now 🤔

Is that something that would be nice to see? A preview? It's come across my mind a few times before but I didn't know since it's somewhat like a spoiler 😂 but now that i'm thinking about it, it'll probably help me and my content.

I don't know, if you would like to see that i'll consider it :)

Opinions about the choi brother cover?

So... Here are my honest thoughts and opinions about it:

IT WAS SO FRICKING AMAZING THAT IT LITERALLY MAKES ME WANNA CRY!! Since they are the two vocalist of ATEEZ, it feels illegal that we are literally just now getting a glimpse of what those two are capable of doing when there voices are combined, i'm so thankful that KQ decided to release a cover of the Main and Lead Vocalist together, forever grateful 😔🤌✨

Not even joking when I say my stomach spiraled at 100 miles per hour throughout those last 40 sec of the song, it was just too beautiful 😭🩷

I DID NOT JUST LEARN ALL OF BLESSED CURSED IN UNDER AN HOUR (⁠ノ⁠｀⁠Д⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠彡⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

Im lookinh forward to your upcoming works! 💕 I hope this message finds you well🫶 saranghaee

Omg- these sweet little messages make my day 10000x better I don't even know what to say. Thank you so much for taking some time of your day to read my works, I hope this message finds you well and you know just how much I love you 🫶 stay safe wherever you are and have a splendid day 🩷😘