Praw Stories

praw stories

I thought tumblr made it aginst the rules to show porn.

and why are the only people following me, smut tumblrs? it’s disheartening. 

is this masking?

I killed off parts of my self. once in middle school and I don't "sing anymore". and at age 17 because I didn't feel like I was growing up much. I invisioned invicerating a Goldilocks looking character. and then ...uh. I wasn't the same. is that ultra masking? it's just a smoldering hole. I assume one should be a little over the top when role playing, and not drull "yes I want to grab the sword, please give dice" and not, sit there and act like I'm telling a story. I couldn't do that. maybe in text, role play chat rooms.  or if I ever have to entertain a child. "i ain't playing dolls with ya kid" or, the singing, just sit on a bus and just make up lyrics on the fly. and be jovial about it. I don’t know if I have any kind of Autism. I stoped the singing because it embrassed a friend of mine.

Some paint I had left over

anxiety

after the hearbreak and shock of elfwood and it’s subsets being gone, and the fact I would never be able to retreive my infomation, I got in a bad mood. then fb althrotham changed, then I just see the dead people on my fb contacts. then cascading of meories, guild, regret, deviant art being unpalateable, memories, the fact I’ve wasted my life fighting on the internet, flyby posts, lack of the community I had decades ago. more sad, more anxeity. my past ruining any futrue. the fact I need an audiance, attintion,. historic tendeancies.

i wasted my life.

without the internet. and the illusion of being in contact with the world. what am I?

I can’t be alone.

I need the world to know my every little thought.

I am immature. I read old emails. and it’s crushing. I have not changed. I have not changed for the good.

I am alone.

oh my god this is suffering.

i can’t. 

even going back to zelda classic gives me an anxeity

i can’t enjoy.

just panic.

without the drama what am I?

without constant interaction. what am I?

anxeity. fear, my secret pubic on line life is going to get me. was this a mistake going back to 1997? was the internet a mistake?

I’m not networking for good

I’m not fowarding my art.

I’m not ........i’m just old and bitchy. hateful. envious. 

I am missing the days. nostaliga won’t fix this. it will make it worse.

i am in shock. grief. terror.

maybe dropping from 200 to 100 mg of lamictal did not help. 

now every little thing is bothering me. 

seperation anxiety from my entertainment. my scrolling on fb and quora. it is differnt. it was my interaction. and yet it is so impersonal. there are no friends on quora. and nobody i reach out to on facebook. is this an end of an era?

without it what am I?

i can’t appologise to the friend I was so jelious of , because she is dead

i am a bit dispondent over the realization that if one or 4 dreams in a row, were just dreams. as I can’t pick and choose what is “real as if dreams were a universe” and what is just dreams, and one is not. if those “well this is fine, I’m enjoying your company, if only others would leave us alone” dreams are real, then it means any and all my dreams took place. and I have some really messed up ones sometimes. it would also mean the dream where i turned into a female dog and had a doggy boyfriend “was real”. so i’m a bit disheartend and feeling extra dumb.

In theory all of your dreams could have taken place since the multiverse is vast and there are infinite possibilities. However, it is best not to worry about every single dream you have being real because dreams are by and large still a product of your own mind that happen when you are asleep, even if a soulbond can manifest in dreams and in theory there are universes where you dreams can exist.