Emotional Vulnerability Theory

Emotional Vulnerability Theory

On November 27th, 2020 at 7:43 a.m. I created a theory about whether or not people are capable of emotional vulnerability.

Back in ancient times, women were expected to maintain their household and children. Society demanded that men went to war and hunted for food. From this information, I concluded that being capable of emotional vulnerability depended on your society and their expectations for your sex. An emotionally vulnerable person to me is someone who can feel any emotion (depression, anger, jealousy, etc.) and then communicate that emotion to others without fear of judgment.

Historically, men expected to partake in war and hunting. That made them less capable of emotional vulnerability. The reason being, war and hunting both require one thing: being able to kill. Killing another being demands that you disregard your humanity. To become proficient at killing, an individual disregards any feelings of remorse. From this, it was reasonable that men could not allow themselves to be emotionally vulnerable because experiencing the vulnerability of any kind made them appear weak or incapable. With war, sadness, anger, and remorse were an experience. Since being sad and remorseful were and are considered signs of weakness, men turn and have turned to anger. Being angry meant that you were strong and capable of slaughtering an entire army. Men were strong, hardworking husbands and fathers. Men repressed feelings of sadness and remorse regarding their actions. And so that was what they did.

The emotional vulnerability of women fluctuated throughout history. In some societies, they expected women to be reserved. Due to this standard, women in these societies repressed their emotions. Other women were allowed to express themselves, so they felt anger, sadness, etc. Women expected to tend to children and the household. Women were supposed to be loving mothers and wives. Because of this, women allowed themselves to feel and experience sadness. Being sad was not a sign of weakness, it was another emotion that got felt. 

If the roles of the two were reversed, with men being the caretakers and women the providers, history would have unfolded still. Wars. Empires and kingdoms and territories and tribes. Agriculture. Children. Education. Cultural exchange. Science and mathematics. Men would have struggled for their rights like women did and currently are. Sex has nothing to do with anything. Vaginas and penises are only sex organs. Because you are biologically male, you do not have to repress your emotions. Because you are biologically female, you do not have to take care of your household. There was a choice here, and it cannot depend on your biological sex. It should depend on you and what you want to do. Do you want to be emotionally vulnerable? Okay, cool. Do you not want to be emotionally vulnerable? Okay, cool. As long as this was what you wanted, then others should respect your decision.

Aside from societal expectations, there is a multitude of factors that could influence the capability of emotional vulnerability. Some important things to consider are an individual's childhood, mental health, school life, friends, morals, etc. Let me emphasize again how sex is not a contributing factor to someone's emotional capability. 

Here’s an articulated version of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s “We Should All Be Feminists”:  https://ameforeignpolicy.files.wordpress.com/2018/02/we-should-all-be-feminists.pdf

What Placements To Check For Various Zodiac Posts

Always check your Sun sign.

Check your Moon sign for any post that involves habits, immediate reactions, unconscious or involuntary actions, and immediate feelings.

Check your Mercury sign for any post that involves speaking, the mind and thoughts, school/learning, handwriting, hobbies, and behavior around friends.

Check your Venus sign for any post that involves relationships (that includes friends), expression of affection, fashion, colors, aesthetics, art, and love.

Check your Mars sign for any post that involves sex, arguments/fights, ambitions, passions, art, anger, hobbies, and sports.

Check your Jupiter sign for any post that involves good luck, generosity, morals, your career, school/learning, money, and growth.

Check your Saturn sign for any post that involves responsibilities, obligations, limits and boundaries, patience, discipline, bad luck, fear, and wisdom.

Check your Uranus sign for any post that involves rebellion, innovation, new ideas, originality, awareness, discovery, liberation, and technology.

Check your Neptune sign for any post that involves imagination, inspiration, music, compassion, acceptance, and atonement.

Check your Pluto sign for any post that involves power, transformation, cleansing, vulnerability, secrets, mystery, and forgiveness.

Check your Ascendant (1st house) sign for any post that involves first impressions, conscious actions and efforts, and general behavior.

Check your Midheaven (10th house) sign for any post that involves passions, art, inspiration, career, school/learning, ambitions, and appearance.

Let’s Talk About Crabs and Buckets.

If you put a single crab into a bucket, it will climb out and escape from becoming someone’s dinner.  If you put a whole bunch of crabs in a bucket, however, the crabs in the bottom of the bucket will pull the crabs at the top of the bucket back down if they try to escape. Instead of allowing some or all of the crabs to survive, the group of crabs will ensure that every single one of them ends up on a plate. 

This same phenomenon is seen in human communities, where it has become known - appropriately - as crab bucket mentality. From the outside, these crab bucket communities might look like support groups, or places to get feedback and advice. But in reality, they are black holes - these are communities where people go to tear each other down, and to actively be torn down in return. Instead of lifting each other up, these communities burrow further and further into their buckets, until everyone is too bitter and broken to ever climb out.  And you might be part of a crab bucket community without even knowing it.  Some online communities are obvious crab-buckets. The so-called “incel” community might be the most obvious example; these are angry young men who tell each other over and over again that they are worthless, unattractive, and that they will never be loved. Lonely teenagers enter the incel community to talk about how frustrated and insecure they are after dealing with romantic rejection, and they quickly find themselves pushed toward hopelessness, violent misogyny and suicidal fantasies. Likewise, the “pro-anorexia” and “thinspo” communities are crab buckets, where members encourage each other to adapt more and more extreme disordered eating, and often invite other members to make cruel comments about their bodies and food journals. Insecure young women (and some men) go to these communities because they want to like their bodies more, and end up weighed down with self-hatred. 

But not every crab bucket is obvious. 

Although there are lots of wonderful and supportive spaces online for LGBTQ+ people, the internet is also littered with LGBTQ+ crab buckets - especially for trans people. Some trans communities are almost entirely dedicated to discouraging and criticizing other trans people for not “passing”; these communities will pore over each others’ pictures, pointing out lingering masculine or feminine features, comparing each other to “a man in a dress”, or outright convincing each other that there is no point in transitioning, as they have no hope of ever “passing”. Anxious trans or questioning people join these groups to navigate a very difficult time in their lives, only to have their own insecurities magnified and distorted.  Communities and feedback circles for writers and artists can also be crab buckets. Again, while there are wonderful and supportive spaces available, there are also toxic black holes out there, masquerading as genuine communities. I’ve belonged to writers’ groups where every single piece of writing was viciously torn to shreds, no matter how promising it might have seemed, and there were constant discussions about how ‘pointless’ it was to try to get published. Members were so insecure about not “making it” that they frantically tried to crush the hopes and dreams of anyone who might be competition. Instead of producing better writing, these kinds of groups eventually produce no writing at all. 

Activist communities are often crab buckets. On the surface, people join activism communities to lift each other up and feel less alone in their cause; in reality, however, many activist communities have underlying cultures of suspicion, gossip, and hostility. Members gleefully comb through each other’s posts and content carefully, constantly looking for any small mistake or out-of-context comment that will allow them to declare that someone is “trash” or “cancelled”. People join these causes to fight back against their own feelings of powerlessness, and often report developing anxiety, depression and panic attacks as a result. 

The list of crab bucket communities goes on. Any kind of group can become a crab bucket group under the right conditions; just because a community is created by and for a marginalized identity, it doesn’t mean that that community is actually safe for that identity. As humans, we like to band together in groups to accomplish large goals and feel less alone… but sometimes, we turn those groups into echo chambers for our own toxic ideas, and try to drag as many people as we can down into our buckets of despair with us. 

If you’re in a group that you suspect might be getting a little crabby, it’s probably time to leave. Turning a whole group around by yourself is an enormous and thankless task, and it’s not one that I’d wish on anybody. Once a group of people have formed a collective identity around proving why they’re all worthless or fat or problematic, it’s hard to turn that ship around, and any attempts to do it might be met with hostility. It’s okay to give up on toxic communities, and look for healthy ones that build you up instead of tearing you down. 

It’s okay to climb out of the bucket. 

What is Compulsory Heterosexuality?

In simple terms, Compulsory Heterosexuality or CompHet is what makes lesbians feel a fake attraction to men, related to the fact that we’re forced to be in relationships with them despite not wanting to. That happens because as women, we are expected to be attracted to men, to be in relationships with them and the whole society teaches us to believe that ever since we were little, making us many times not even consider that not liking men is completely possible and normal. CompHet doesn’t make any lesbian be less lesbian, it just makes us victims of the patriarchy that sees part of ‘being women’ as being attracted to men and forces us into thinking we are. This is a very harmful and serious experience that should be taken seriously and no lesbian should be shamed for struggling with it. This reality 100% applies to trans lesbians as well, so transmisogynists do not interact. While gays and bisexuals deal with heteronormativity, CompHet is a lesbian experience that explains some of the things we go through as women (or nonbinary people) living under patriarchy while not being attracted to men.

You think you may be experiencing it? Here are a few signs of fake attraction due to Compulsory Heterosexuality:

Thinking you are attracted to men, but being able to stop liking them rather easily, like fipping a switch.

“All my friends like these boys so I guess I do too.” // “I’m nervous around this guy so it must mean I like him!”

Thinking you like men, but feeling unhappy when imagining about ever marrying, dating or having sex with them.

Thinking you can’t be lesbian because you think you could survive dating men if you had to.

Dating men to “prove a point”, either to yourself or to others.

Thinking you have to be attracted to men or else you’ll be missing something or you won’t be “complete”.

Running for the hills whenever a guy shows interest in you, even after you thought you liked him as well. Having a crush on men but only until there’s an actual chance you might be together.

You seek validation from men but when they try to interact with you, you feel uncomfortable. Thinking you must be validated or desired by men or else you’re not a worth human being, even though it makes you feel bad.

Feeling that you have to try extra hard to be attracted to men. Not caring about a breakup with men, or only caring because you can’t imagine not being with men and that scares you.

CW: sex, abuse /// only having sex with men if there is an extreme power imbalance. Feeling troubled, nervous or disgusted after you had sex with men. You tease men for validation, but feel disgusted when thinking about actually having sex with them. Only sleeping with men for the relationship’s sake, not because you like it.

Thinking that whatever you feel for women, is much more powerful than anything you’ve ever felt for men.

Having extremely “high standards” for men. And whenever one actually achieves it, you just make it higher so there will be no man as good as “what you want.”

Genuinely wishing you didn’t like men, genuinely wishing you didn’t have to be with men.

“I’m not a lesbian because I’m also attracted to nonbinary people”— that is, in fact, what lesbian is.

Wanting to call yourself lesbian and feeling much happier when you think about being lesbian, but feeling scared to do so for whatever reason.

Constantly bringing up your past relationships with men, thinking it invalidates what you know you feel now and that it means you can’t be a lesbian.

CW: abuse /// thinking you can’t be lesbian because you’ve been abused by men before and have trauma of men.

Thinking you’re fine with being with men only romantically but not sexually, despite being comfortable doing both with women.

These are some signs of dealing with fake attraction and need to be with men due to Compulsory Heterosexuality, this is a very real experience that we should talk about more often. Spread the word to help a confused lesbian out there understand themself more. 

Hey everyone! Last year I took AP Statistics and not only had an A+ average all year, I also got a 5 on the AP exam. I worked hard to receive the grades I got and did certain things that made me successful in this class. Because of this, I thought I’d share with you all how I studied for the AP Stats exam and my tips for doing good in the class. 

How I Studied

The main thing I did was that I reviewed my notes that I had taken in class throughout the school year. This helped me understand the material and know what to do for certain problems (my notes had lots of examples).

Practice problems!!! I did lots of multiple choice practice problems and I recommend doing official/released questions that were on past exams to know what to expect.

I did lots of practice FRQs and graded them based on scoring rubrics to know what I’d need to get points on for the FRQ section of the AP exam.

I was going to use a Barron’s book and attempted the full length practice tests, but I (along with others that I talked to) thought the practice problems in the book were way more difficult than how they are on the AP exam. It’s definitely still a usable tool to study, but I think that if you have good notes and other practice questions then you should use those instead of this prep book.

Because it was an afternoon exam last year, I spent the day of the exam reviewing and going over any last minute questions. During this time, I helped others study and answered their questions which helped me see what topics I needed to study more than others.

I honestly didn’t have to do too  much studying because I had consistently studied for the course throughout the school year and had a good teacher, but the things I mentioned above helped me study a lot.

My Tips

Do released practice problems for multiple choice. Questions from past exams are going to be most similar to how they will appear on your exam and questions your teacher or textbook uses may not be in the same format as questions on the exam. 

Do official practice FRQs and grade them according to the released rubric to see what areas you need to improve.

If at any point throughout the school year you get lost or don’t understand something, get help then and make an effort to review that unit because a lot of concepts reoccur throughout the school year or are present in future units.

“Memorize”  or know what’s needed for each type of hypothesis test/confidence interval and know when to use each type. My recommendation for doing this is to practice identifying different types from questions and briefly noting what would be needed to get credit (you don’t have to actually do the problem to save time-unless you want to) or make a chart with the different tests and intervals.

Study the areas you struggle with more than other units, but don’t entirely neglect a unit because you think you know it (at least do a brief review)

When doing practice questions, time yourself as you would be timed on the AP exam so that you can avoid leaving blank answers when it counts.

Know how to use your calculator and it’s abilities beforehand to save time on the exam.

Relax and be confident in your abilities! All year you study and practice the same content that will be covered on the AP exam. You can and will do great if you study!

I hope you guys found this post helpful and can use some of these tips in your AP Stats class! As always, feel free to ask me any questions or leave any comments and I’ll reply back. Good luck in AP Statistics!!

How to write a kiss

Rebloggable version, as requested by davrosbro. :)

Oooh!  Yes!  I love kisses.  Kisses are where it all starts ;).

Okay, first, remember that a kiss is much, much more than just lips.  It is lips, but also tongues, teeth, eyes, faces, hands, noses, bodies, heartbeats,  breath, voice- and most importantly, a kiss is emotions.  A kiss without emotion is just wet mushy lips stuck together.  Ew.  Gross.  The most important part of a kiss isn’t the how, but the who- because of the emotions between the two people.

Okay so:

lips- Lips can slide, glide over each other smoothly, or they can be chapped and rough and dry and get stuck on each other.  They can match, top-to-top and bottom-to-bottom, or they can overlap, with one person’s top or bottom lip captured between the other person’s lips (yummy).  If there is lipstick or chapstick there is lipstick or chapstick flavor, otherwise, lips don’t have a taste (can you taste yours?).  Lips also can smack- the sound of two of them coming together or pulling apart, because they’re wet and warm and soft.

tongue- Tongues are always wet, and always warm.  They’re very versatile.  They can trace over lips, teeth, or another tongue.  They can be smooth and graceful or teasing and flicking.  When tongues are involved, there is drool.  It’s only sexy when you like the person you’re kissing, or else it’s kinda gross. :P

teeth- teeth can clack together awkwardly, or teeth can bite down sensually.  A person biting their own lip is cute, a person biting another’s lips is sexy.  A person biting gently is sensual, a person biting roughly is sexual.

eyes- Eyes can be wide open with surprise, half-lidded with desire, fully closed with pleasure.  Eyes can gaze lovingly, lustfully, wistfully, hungrily, seductively- it all depends upon the emotions of your characters.  Have them do whatever you like, but don’t leave them out- give them at least a mention!

faces- Faces are what the lips are attached to.  Noses bump, cheeks flush, ears turn red, foreheads either wrinkle or relax.  Kisses can leave lips, quite easily, and become kisses on chins, cheeks, noses, foreheads, ears, necks, throats.  Kisses on noses or foreheads are cute and adorable, kisses on cheeks are sweet, kisses on chins, ears, and throats are very sexual.  And a kiss on the lips can be all of those! <3

hands- Hands are super-important.  In order to describe a kiss, usually you want to also describe the hands.  Where are they?  Does one character have their hand behind the other’s head or back, holding them close?  Are they on someone’s shoulders pulling them near, or pushing them away?  Fingers brushing someone’s cheek or palms grabbing someone’s ass convey two very different kinds of situations, even if the kiss itself is exactly the same.

noses- Noses are annoying.  They easily get in the way, especially for first kisses!  People have to tilt their head to one side or the other, and if they don’t, noses bump.  I’d only mention noses if a kiss is supposed to be awkward or uncertain or nervous.

bodies- bodies are either close together, or far away.  Someone can be surrounded comfortingly by someone’s arms, or terrifyingly trapped by them.  Bodies are warm or hot, they are calm or nervous, relaxed or tense.  Body language says a lot.  Is your character pulling away, or moving closer?

heartbeat- Hearts can beat fast or slow, and that’s about all they can do- but there are lots of reasons why they do!  A heart can beat fast with fear or excitement or nervousness; a heart can pound with lust or race with terror or sing with joy.  Hearts can glow, cower, or shatter.  When you really want to drive the emotions of a character home, mention the heart.

breath- To me, the most consuming part of a kiss is the breath.  The air that someone else has just breathed going deep into your lungs is very intimate.  Lips and tongues don’t have a taste, but breath does.  Each person’s breath tastes different, smells different, and surrounds a person differently than anyone else’s breath.  Breath can be warm and sweet, breath can be hot and sexy, breath can be hot and frightening.  It is something that is very present and should not be left out.  A lot of writers leave breath out.  And it’s so important; it’s the most intimate part of a kiss.  Someone else is breathing into your lungs, and it’s either heaven or it’s hell.

voice- Voice conveys much, even without words.  A voice can groan, whimper, gasp, moan, catch, whine, scream, sigh.  Voice can convey emotion powerfully, and while some kisses are silent, usually they’re not.

emotion-  Emotion is the most important- and the thing you try not to say.  You want to describe it, through all of the things above, so that it’s perfectly clear what your characters are feeling, without you ever using the “feelings words”.  If they’re in love, their bodies will lean close, their eyes will smile, their voices will giggle softly.  If they’re nervous, their palms will sweat, their noses will bump, their voices will shudder.  If they’re afraid, their muscles will be tense, their faces will grimace, their lips will not open.  Emotion is the color that you keep inside your mind as you write; it’s the base line that drives the description behind everything else you say.

Wow, that was a lot!  Gosh I hope it wasn’t too much!  Keep in mind not every kiss has all these things- this is just a list of things to consider when writing a kiss, and based on how long of a kiss you want to make.  Keep in mind that typing “they kissed for a long time”…that’s six words, it takes half a second to read, so that’s a short kiss!  If you want a long kiss, you need long sentences that make the reader linger.

So maybe to start off, pick three things on the list to describe in your first kiss.  Don’t try to do it all- that would be too much for even the most epic kiss.  Just pick what’s most important to this particular scene, to these particular characters, and describe those parts along with the lips, and you’ve got yourself an awesome, emotional kiss. <3