Vulnerable - Tumblr Posts

"𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 - 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 - 𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐰𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒊𝒕.."

--𝑲𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝑳𝒂𝒎𝒂𝒓

Real honesty is terrifying. It means showing your vulnerabilities, your messy, insecure self, and hoping the other person won't run screaming.

-Flynn Caulfield

The sister.

Trigger Warning: vague reference to  sexual assault and referring to assailant by title. Slut shaming.

My ex and I resumed dating a few weeks after I was assaulted. I was eager to put what had happened to me at the back of my mind, so I dove right back in without hesitation.

We were out one night at one of our regular haunts located in the heart of nightlife hub in my city.  He stepped out at some point for a smoke and I went out with him to keep him company.

I saw an entourage of women coming down the street led by none other than Rapist’s sister. I screamed on the inside and then went dead.  I couldn’t move, like my feet were cemented in place. She was also with a woman I recognized from school.  I knew her name, but I didn’t know anything else about her. 

Well, apparently she knew a few things about me.

She stopped as they were walking by and said to my ex “You know you’re dating a slut, right?”

His response was “Oh yeah?” And he looked at me suspiciously. The girls, including Rapist’s sister, laughed at his reaction and likely how I was standing there dumbfounded.  They moved onward toward where ever they were headed.

I was stupid enough to hope that he would have said something soothing in that moment.

“A slut, hmm?  I always wondered what you were doing those nights when you didn’t answer your phone.” He threw his cigarette butt at me then walked back into the bar.  I was still cemented in place.

I did manage to talk my way out of it.  The girl who was vocal was not classically attractive, and I, embarrassingly, used that to my advantage (”She’s jealous” “She wasn’t well-liked at school” etc).  So things moved on. 

I’ll admit that this event was nearly as traumatic as the assault itself. 

Interesting things I figured out later from social media:

1. The woman who called me a slut appeared to be attracted to Rapist and must have been jealous he’d paid me attention. 2. Rapist’s sister became a social worker.  She apparently did work on sex trafficking and sexual assault.  Oh the irony. 3. There is at least one other woman that he did this to who received similar treatment by his sister.

Interesting subsequent event:

I’ve seen the woman who called me a slut recently.  She lives in my neighbourhood.  We were each walking toward one another, she with her multiple kids, me on my own.  

At one time I would have dropped my head and avoided her.  Not this time.  I looked right at her, and she was the one who avoided my gaze.

I never would, especially in front of her kids, but I could have easily gotten revenge.  I could tell that she was well aware of that. 

I wonder know exactly how she felt being the vulnerable one.

Tossed out a group invite, included the woman I'm into right now. It's been 6 minutes and no one's responded ( or read the message).

My brain is telling me it's because they hate me and are rolling their eyes at the message preview.

Dirt.

There are still secrets of his I keep under lock and key.  Not abuse stuff.  Health things.  Quirk things.  Embarrassing things.  The type of stuff you only discover when you live with a person and you see them at their most vulnerable.

I’ll take these things to my grave because I respect that bond we had.  I am not sure he’s offering me the same courtesy.

Part of my healing has been coming to terms with that.

luciano catelli - alexandra (1990)

Today I had a panic attack because a guy I barely know touch my hand and I was surprised because I haven’t see him coming! I know that for people in general it’s nothing and I’m just a baby who overreacted ! Generally I never talk or share any of this cause it’s really difficult for me to explain why but I want to share this because I’m tired of being ashamed and depressed! The trauma of a rape it’s like a petite mort you’ll never be who you were, this person is dead . So yes sometimes I will overreact about something ridiculous and I would try to contain my tears , fear and anger . I don’t want to get out drinking cause I don’t feel safe and other times I talk to myself and said No this isn’t defined who you are , but it’s difficult and I think we really didn’t talk the after for the person the trauma, the nightmares and fears

Emotional Vulnerability Theory

On November 27th, 2020 at 7:43 a.m. I created a theory about whether or not people are capable of emotional vulnerability.

Back in ancient times, women were expected to maintain their household and children. Society demanded that men went to war and hunted for food. From this information, I concluded that being capable of emotional vulnerability depended on your society and their expectations for your sex. An emotionally vulnerable person to me is someone who can feel any emotion (depression, anger, jealousy, etc.) and then communicate that emotion to others without fear of judgment.

Historically, men expected to partake in war and hunting. That made them less capable of emotional vulnerability. The reason being, war and hunting both require one thing: being able to kill. Killing another being demands that you disregard your humanity. To become proficient at killing, an individual disregards any feelings of remorse. From this, it was reasonable that men could not allow themselves to be emotionally vulnerable because experiencing the vulnerability of any kind made them appear weak or incapable. With war, sadness, anger, and remorse were an experience. Since being sad and remorseful were and are considered signs of weakness, men turn and have turned to anger. Being angry meant that you were strong and capable of slaughtering an entire army. Men were strong, hardworking husbands and fathers. Men repressed feelings of sadness and remorse regarding their actions. And so that was what they did.

The emotional vulnerability of women fluctuated throughout history. In some societies, they expected women to be reserved. Due to this standard, women in these societies repressed their emotions. Other women were allowed to express themselves, so they felt anger, sadness, etc. Women expected to tend to children and the household. Women were supposed to be loving mothers and wives. Because of this, women allowed themselves to feel and experience sadness. Being sad was not a sign of weakness, it was another emotion that got felt. 

If the roles of the two were reversed, with men being the caretakers and women the providers, history would have unfolded still. Wars. Empires and kingdoms and territories and tribes. Agriculture. Children. Education. Cultural exchange. Science and mathematics. Men would have struggled for their rights like women did and currently are. Sex has nothing to do with anything. Vaginas and penises are only sex organs. Because you are biologically male, you do not have to repress your emotions. Because you are biologically female, you do not have to take care of your household. There was a choice here, and it cannot depend on your biological sex. It should depend on you and what you want to do. Do you want to be emotionally vulnerable? Okay, cool. Do you not want to be emotionally vulnerable? Okay, cool. As long as this was what you wanted, then others should respect your decision.

Aside from societal expectations, there is a multitude of factors that could influence the capability of emotional vulnerability. Some important things to consider are an individual's childhood, mental health, school life, friends, morals, etc. Let me emphasize again how sex is not a contributing factor to someone's emotional capability. 

Here’s an articulated version of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s “We Should All Be Feminists”:  https://ameforeignpolicy.files.wordpress.com/2018/02/we-should-all-be-feminists.pdf

A insegurança corrói a gente de uma forma tão absurda. Tudo torna-se vulnerável, tudo torna-se motivo para desistir... isso dói!!!

Jewels of Truth Statements and Favorite Quotes of the Month

Hello All, Today I'll be sharing another trio of longhand written "Jewels of Truth" channeled angelic wisdom statements. With perhaps a channeled meme or two from the angels that I've shared prior on my "Atrayo's Oracle" Facebook fan page as well. The topic's I'll be sharing is on the Afterlife, Abortion, and being Vulnerable. The latter two are rather unique since I was channeling an Ancient Greek Angelic Goddess known as Hera. Otherwise, known as Juno to the Ancient Romans besides being the Imperial wife of Zeus / Jupiter. Hera, is a mother goddess of women, marriage, family, childbirth, and so forth not unlike the Christian Mother Mary. However, here she points out that abortion in her view or perhaps Heavens a.k.a. Elysium's views it as a crime. As an act of transparency, I'm personally Pro-Choice in terms of abortion as a person here on Earth. I'm struggling to reconcile this angelic goddess point of view. In time I will probably change my opinion on abortion but not as of yet. Since I see humanity ending up like the inhabitants of Easter Island depleting their island of resources. In our case, it's globally since humanity is already over 8 billion souls plus and growing not to mention we're behaving like locusts. The other statement on the Afterlife is another intriguing conceptualization that sees it as a collective sphere of a metaphysical reality. Where the endless Heaven's, Limbo's, and combined Infinite Hell's are superimposed on top of each other separated by tonal frequencies. Since the afterlife is without spatial orientation a.k.a. space and without time as dimensions. It is moreso spoken as a State of Being that we channel by our passionate expressions here on earth and beyond. As always I hope you each maintain a critical mind even if you disagree with the assertions I've channeled above. By means of clairvoyant inspired automatic writing as a technique, I've practiced now for over 23 years plus as a dharmic devotion. Like I always state as long as your inventory of ideas is expanded towards new horizons of the heart and mind. May you enjoy these thoughts as spiritual teachings by unconditional love for all. Amen.

Afterlife: 2706) With all there has gone by we lament not realizing the grandeur in our surroundings. That when we lived as people, creatures, environments, entire worlds, and so forth. We cared not to realize our whole divinity in its splendid outworkings. It is with this understanding we now speak fervently without hesitation and without remorse in our United Spirits with God(dess) Everlasting. That the realms of the afterlife endless that they are indeed. Aren't realms as places occupying space physically nor metaphysically. It is rather a state of perpetual Divine Being at least those of us belonging to Heaven. The identical phenomenon occurs for the wicked souls as unholy children of God. Hell isn't a place here or there but a State of Unholy Being. Equally, it can be said of Limbo as a neutral realm of nowhere in a state of being metaphysical. To take this analogous principle of divine law one step further is to reiterate. As Heavens, Limbo, and Hell are metaphysical States of perpetual Etherical Being. They are a collective whole sphere united akin to a globe. Not so much divided as hemispheres but mixed as one continuum without a place as occupying totality everywhere and nowhere simultaneously. A living and dying conundrum of a loop of existence as a paradox mysteriously so it is. To picture this cosmology of Enlightened Divinity is to denote the Wonder of God's Will at work beautifully so as an ineffable truth. This our reality what one will's they become instantly without the dilation of time to interfere. Heavenly souls of God occupy this whole globe in frequencies of everlasting grace. Superimposed within other channels of expression are unholy layers upon such an identical continuum of a sphere of the afterlife. The same phenomena for all of Limbo for those atheist souls that believe in absolutely nothing whatsoever. All souls are by default Enlightened because of each share in the Image and Likeness of God. As the Creator, Sustainer, and Destroyer of all realities combined as One Supreme Existence Forever. Amen. ---Ivan Pozo-Illas / Atrayo.

Abortion: 2707) We the guardians of the Heavens be we known as Olympians or not. Know many forms of inherent expressions that plainly are divine exaltations, to say the least. I "Hera" Greek Olympian Everlasting declare the motherhood of once maidens deeply sacred to me personally. Be one a person or of another equal kind of living mortal form. I endear not to be disturbed by lame tendencies that rob me of our Holy Mightiest Peace upheld by the elder angelic deities of Olympus. I wish to declare as Mother Imperial Queen to all that worship the feminine nature. That I too acknowledge greater mother deities than I upon Creation. No matter I continue to embark upon what is mine to endeavor. That to rob a newborn of its birth upon realms like your Earth is an unfortunate crime upon the innocent spirit therein. To abort a fetus of any species is an unholy act in the Eyes of the One you call God. The punishment is self-inflicted instantly as a laceration of a psychological wound in a masochistic manner every time. The mind reels unconsciously and the emotional heart grows cold and eventually deeply disturbed. This isn't even mentioning the spiritual unease perpetuated on oneself directly. Aside from birth control which is a legitimate chemical preventive act of health and lifestyle choice. Abortion is not of God for a truly absolutely loving supreme Creator slaughters no one! I understand the complexity of mortal living where unwed mothers and moreso other abandoned single mothers are forgotten by entire so-called modern societies the world over. To be cast into material poverty due to cowardly men forsaking the grace of the mother and the children in one fell swoop. One crime of abortion follows another by secular societies the world over by dismissing young unsupported mothers to a life of miserable poverty. I say this is abhorrent to the Will of God! To those other fools that declare that abortions are a social necessity of population culling. Has failed to reason properly that eight billion plus souls of humanity and growing are ravaging the planet unceremoniously. It is a failed mechanism sociologically and is an act of murderous barbarism. To injure motherhood in whichever form is an injustice remembered by God. For not even the angelic gods and goddesses such as I belong to can escape the Divine Holy Law of Karma. Amen. (Channeled by Hera / Juno Mother Goddess of Ancient Greece and Rome as the wife of Zeus / Jupiter.) ---Ivan Pozo-Illas / Atrayo.

Vulnerable: 2708) To all that abhor tragedies listen well for the greatest sadness is usually self-inflicted upon this world. Not even the betrayal of friends and dear loved ones can the stupidity of a self-inflicted wound can spell vindication. For here I "Hera" Mother to all that supports Greece and its subsequent generations across the world. Do I remember and love your ancestors that worshipped me so dearly and unceasing. Yes, to worship an angel as the gods aren't quite right. However, it is not considered a crime when passionate reverence, when sanctioned with adorations, is always offered. For even Roman-Catholic Christians worship the Virgin Mother Mary of Christos. She too is a mother goddess such as I "Hera" upon the Ancient Greeks and "Juno" upon the Ancient Romans thereafter. I adore my fellow Angelic Queens as Mother Goddesses the world over. For our dominion is only united by the Will of God everlasting. We the Olympians may not be forgotten although we are labeled as mythologies instead as our religions are all but dead to this world. To all the progeny of our beautiful ancestors live well and live strongly for one another. We the gods of Greece have never left your sides. Albeit the faith of the land and sea has changed hands in these few short eons. We bid our eternity for mystics such as this oracle of "Ivan the Atrayo" to recall our true love once again. We are no more pagan than the Christian Gnostics slaughtered by the Roman-Catholics centuries ago in the Name of God, moronically so. To all that seek the embrace of the celestial mothers of old. We are here for you whether of Olympus or elsewhere of another mythological paradise. We love you always! Call upon any blessed angel you may wish. For God keeps us busy for the suffering of your world is always great, unfortunately. Be advised we are strong and Elysium stands at the ready to repel evil wherever it may set foot upon the Holy Children of God Everlasting. Amen. (Channeled by Hera / Juno Mother Goddess of Ancient Greece and Rome as the wife of Zeus / Jupiter.) ---Ivan Pozo-Illas / Atrayo.

I swear I will not dishonor my soul with hatred, but offer myself humbly as a guardian of nature, as a healer of misery, as a messenger of wonder, as an architect of peace. --- Diane Ackerman. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. ---Psalm 91:11. The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them. ---Elizabeth Gilbert. Stay true to your deepest intuition that an extraordinary and miraculous life is possible. ---Craig Hamilton. The more light you allow within you, the brighter the world you live in will be. ---Shakti Gawain. Ivan "Atrayo" Pozo-Illas, has devoted 23 years of his life to the pursuit of clairvoyant Inspired automatic writing channeling the Angelic host. Ivan is the author of the spiritual wisdom series of "Jewels of Truth" consisting of 3 volumes published to date. He also channels conceptual designs that are multi-faceted for the next society to come that are solutions based as a form of dharmic service. Numerous examples of his work are available at "Atrayo's Oracle" blog site of 13 years plus online. Your welcome to visit his website "Jewelsoftruth.us" for further information or to contact Atrayo directly.

El amor me hace más fuerte en medio de mi vulnerabilidad

¿Miedo?

Se siente como un abandono.

Parece una combinación entre soledad y nostalgia.

No, no es envidia, pero siento ansiedad cuando veo a mis amigos y a mi novio estar en otros planes.

¿O quiero atención solo para mí? No, no soy así.

Me siento atrapado en estás cuatro paredes. Quiero salir corriendo y disfrutar la vida que se supone, debería estar disfrutando.

¿Dónde está la tierra prometida y el elixir de la felicidad? ¿Por qué siento que me hace tanta falta? ¿Por qué siento tanta soledad?

Alguien sálveme de esta oscuridad, por favor...

Hannibal 3.06 Dolce / Phantom Thread dir. Paul Thomas Anderson (2017)

PHANTOM THREAD (2017) dir. Paul Thomas Anderson

thinking about the casual intimacy of showing someone you love an unfinished work of art, the underlying message saying, i trust you with my unpolished heart

Hope you win that sh*t. 💯

The other day a friend ran out to check on me after a long night out. I stormed out angrily to take a walk and to my surprise she followed me out there.

She could tell I wasn’t about to open up about anything so she lead with vulnerability and told me about some of her struggles she has had over the years. Then of course she brought the conversation back to me and my feelings. I was clammed up.

This is not my wife (whom I was upset with at the time) so I felt guilty, wrong for even thinking that I could emotionally open up to her. Even though at that moment, i truly did feel all alone in the world. Yall know that feeling right?!? I mean this is. Tumblr after all lmao 😂

I deflected and asked her more about her own situation and effectively “got out” of talking about my feelings.

Afterwards though, i really thought about it. There were a lot of folx around but she was the one to come out and check on me. I needed someone to even if I didn’t say it. Normally im the extrovert of my friend groups. The solid one. The one you go to for guidance, wisdom, and also to have fun and laugh. I love to smile and make others smile as well.

I texted my friend and told her it meant a lot that she checked ✅ on me, but more importantly i think i walked away with a better understanding of the types of people and depth of understanding i would like to have around me more.

Those of us who have to largest smiles know the most pain. Never forget that.

These are my thoughts 💭 on what im thinking 🤔.

Peace ✌🏾,

- Teach_or_Trav

Quote on vulnerability and its impact on human connection.

inside me there are two wolves, one is yapping..

CLOSE MAYA HAWKES MUSIC!!! YOUVE LISTENED TO CHAOS ANGEL IN RANDOM ORDER FOR THE PAST 5 HOURS!!! ITS TOO PEACEFUL!!!!!!!

the other is philosophising..

It’s nice to minimise things for once, nothing is loud and big, yet nothing is tiny. All is a fine line, all is simple and living is like a breath in an air conditioned room after burning at the sea.

There’s no need for panic and worry, theres absolutely nothing to panic and worry about.

I mean sure, there are some things out of your control but what about it!

You’re not god, best you can do is enjoy today, enjoy now, be as present to enjoy the moments as you can be, cause the moment your eyes swipe through this line on your screen too, you cant read it for the first time again, making it a past memory within a blink of an eye, and you can’t go back - and that is okay. That is why you have to be here now, be here today, and tomorrow, and until as far as time gets you.